Chapter II: Part 2

PRIOR. There is no Occasion, for I am quite convinced there was no such Design. Do you think it possible, that Men of high Characters for Honour and Candour, Justice and Integrity, cou'd sport in so infamous a Manner with the Fate of Nations, and the very Bread and Being of a free, a brave, and a loyal People? Can you suppose, such a Personage as was then watching over our Welfare, wou'd from an universal Reputation, for every great and good Quality, turn in an instant to a barbarous _Caligula_, and Wish to cut off a whole Kingdom at a Blow? Absurd and impossible! 'Tis not only reflecting on our Governors, basely and falsely; but in some Measure on the best of Princes too; since it is impossible we cou'd be subtily and insidiously betray'd by the one, without being secretly doom'd to Ruin by the other. Now this, Mr. _Dean_, is a Conduct so utterly opposite to his royal Nature and Character, who now gives Glory to the _British_ Throne; that I am persuaded, he is incapable of acting so to his most perfidious Enemies, and much less to the most zealous and faithful Subjects in the World.

SWIFT. Well, well, _Tom_, 'tis no Time for us to be quarrelling about Reports and Stories. But now you have done with whitening the Sepulchres of _Ireland_, give me leave to shew you honestly, and without Flattery, the Dirt and Stench, the Corruption and Rottenness that lurks within. Now,

_Audi alteram Partam._

I will shew You----

PRIOR. Hear me out first, for I am so far from having done, that I have not yet even touch'd on all the Advantages that our Country has received, from the _Dublin_ Society's Premiums; which was one of my chief Reasons, for having consider'd _Ireland_ as upon the Recovery, when I went under-ground like a Tortoise, to be raised again when the Summer comes, after a long Sleep. I need not be very particular on so known and confest a Fact, as the extraordinary Improvements they have made amongst us, in a vast Variety of Articles. We are told _Solomon_'s Writings were so extensive, that he wrote from the Cedar of _Lebanon_, to the Hyssop that groweth from the Wall; and really their Labours have taken in every Material, every Manufacture, and every Improvement of either of them, that had any claim to their Attention or Encouragement. We may say of their Funds, as _Laertes_ does in _Hamlet_, 'as for my Means, I'll husband them so well, they shall go far with little;' and it is certain there never was so much done, with so poor an Income, to remedy all our natural Indisposition, to Labour, and Thought, and Industry; to rouse up Thousands who were asleep, and set Numbers on contriving and working, who were dreaming and idling before; and to stop our People from runing abroad, by Wages and Business, and an hope of living to purpose at Home. They gave Premiums, to heighten the Manufacture and Dying of our Woollen Cloths; of our Silks, and our Velvets; of our Blankets; of our Worsteds; of our Cottons; of our Coffoys; Buffs, Lutherines and, Fustians; of our Stockings, and our Carpets, with surprising Success: In our Husbandry they did Wonders also; as to Wheat and Barley; as to Liming, Marling, and Sanding of Land; as to planting of Hops, draining of Bogs; as to raising Liquorish, Saffron and Madder; and as to sowing of Turneps, Clover, St. Foil, Trefoil, and all Kinds of Grass Seeds. They improv'd by a well judged Emulation and proper Rewards, Numbers of our Husbandry Utensils: They set the Nation at Work, in Planting amazing Quantities of Timber Trees, Willows and Osiers for Hop Poles; in raising great Numbers of Orchards, and improving our making of Cyder, home made Wines, and Metheglins; as also in Brewing our Ale and Beer, and giving us Vinegar from our own Fruits, equal to the best in _France_. They raised the Manufactures of our finest Hats, to a surprising Degree; and they did the same by our Window Glass, and made so great a Progress in our Paper Business, and building of Mills for carrying it on, as if they had got the Mines of _Peru_, or the Industry of _China_, to assist them in their Undertakings.

SWIFT. Well, dear _Tom_, I suppose you have done now. I have finish'd a Sermon, on a better Subject twice as soon, and yet tir'd my People, God help them, before I had half done.

PRIOR. I see you don't relish the Transports of my Zeal on this Subject, which gives me such high Delight; so I shall mention but cursorily many Articles that remain, and shall pass by a Crowd in Silence, that well deserv'd my dwelling on them: What I shall begin the remaining part of my Catalogue with, is their exerting themselves with such Assiduity and Success; in Teaching young Lads to Draw and Design skilfully; in setting up Competitions for the best Delf, Roan and Crockery Ware, for Erecting the best Glass Bottle-Houses, for raising of Mulberry Trees, for making of Salt, for working the best Bone-Lace, and the best Imitation of it by the Needle: For the Encouragement of the best Needle-Works in Silk and Worsted; for the Advancement of those lovely Arts Painting, Architecture and Sculpture; for encouraging Tapestry, and enlarging our Fisheries: For improving the Tanning and Currying of our Leather, for the Discovery of Mines and raising of Ores, and for those who should annually Produce the best Invention in useful Arts and Husbandry. In a Word, by turning themselves every way, and applying their little Fund in different Years, to different Uses and Subjects, they seem'd not only to Influence, but even to animate the Whole of our Country; to fire our Hearts, to enlighten our Minds, and stir and strengthen our Hands; and by giving a new Turn to our Thoughts and Motions, to prepare us for yet greater Scenes of Industry, when larger Helps cou'd be got to excite us to it. They have shewn us the vast Effects of a well directed Emulation, and what a few hundred annual Pounds, have already done, and can produce hereafter, by the honest Oeconomy and prudential Directions, of a zealous and judicious Body of Citizens, who Study the Good of their Country. They have also shewn us another undisputed Truth, _viz._ That if their Fund was enlarg'd, the Good they wou'd do wou'd be proportionably encreased with it, and that little Wonders might be wrought in _Ireland_, by enlivening the Arts, by Feeding the Hungry, by giving Feet and Hands to the Lame and Lazy, Eyes to the Blind or dim-sighted, and raising the Dead and the Drousy, to Life and Activity.

SWIFT. Go on, dear _Tom_, go on, with your Raptures and Enthusiastical Reveries; but pray allow me to ask you one plain Question, what (if all you affirm be true) cou'd possibly hinder, this necessary, and indeed this important Enlargement of their Fund.

PRIOR. Why really, Mr. _Dean_, I cannot answer your Enquiry, without throwing one of the heaviest Imputations on a Nation, which I wou'd have Died to serve effectually, and which I spent my Life in labouring to serve, in too narrow and stinted a Manner. It must be confest, too few of our Nobility or Gentry, shew'd that Generosity of Soul to encrease the annual Income of the Society, by their Contributions, as might have been expected, from the Numbers of worthy Men among us, who do us real Honour. It is certain his Majesty set the Nation a noble Example, by Assigning them a Charter, and allowing them an handsome annual Revenue out of his Treasury; and what shou'd hinder Crowds of our worthiest Noblemen and Gentlemen, of large Fortunes and Minds proportioned to them, to Subscribe Ten or Twenty Pounds a Year, to so noble and so successful a Scheme, is hard and perhaps painful to say: I am the more amaz'd at it, as they cou'd not but say, it wou'd have raised _Ireland_ from Idleness to Industry, from Ignorance to Knowledge; from Contempt and Disregard, to Honour and Credit; and wou'd not have left us in fifty Years, an Idler or a Beggar, (which are but synonimous Terms) in the whole Kingdom. A Dish or two sav'd from their Tables, or a Bottle or two from their Revellings, an Horse or two left out of their Stables, nay even a lac'd Coat, or a lac'd Livery sunk: a Night of Gaming, a trifling Frolick, a Jaunt of Pleasure deducted from their usual Expences; or what is still better, a Winter or two spent in doing Good on their own Estates, wou'd more than answer all: It is certain, that it is absolutely incumbent on every Gentleman, I will not say that loves _Ireland_, but that loves himself and his Family, to do his best to assist so happy a Scheme, so distinguish'd a Society, with his Purse, his Head and his Hands, if he knows how to use any of them. Nay, they shou'd extend the same Methods, and the same Premiums, to their several Provinces, Counties and Cities, for the particular Arts and Manufactures, that are likeliest to thrive there: And if they diffused them to their own Estates, Manors and Tenants, it wou'd in Time with Patience and Management, produce vast Effects, and a strange Revolution in our Circumstances, Customs and Manners. These are Thoughts worthy of Men, of Christians, of Free-born _Britons_, and rational Creatures! worthy to be planted and nursed in every honest Breast, and to be spread as universally, as the Air we breathe, and the Bounds of Nature and the World. He that has them, and feeds and cultivates them in his Soul, and brings them into common Life and Action in his Country, has a better Claim to the Love of his Maker, or Fellow-Citizens, than if he had founded Empires, or discover'd new Worlds.

SWIFT. Very well, _Tom_--but pray will Mankind agree to these fine Doctrines, or will they not rather despise or ridicule them, as a little on the Romantick.

PRIOR. If the Lazy, the Vicious, and the Selfish laugh at such Notions, and look on such Plans of Things, as Dreams and Visions; the Active, the Virtuous, and the Disinterested, know their real Worth, and wish and labour, to have them spread as widely and as forcibly among Men, as Vices corrupt; and Plagues destroy. I and some others did our best, to propagate such ways of thinking and acting here; but I fear we might to as much Purpose, have admonish'd the modern _Italians_, to imitate the Courage, Zeal and publick Spirit of the antient _Romans_, for I did not find, that we made many Converts to our Opinions. However, Charity makes me think, that what chiefly hinders our Gentlemen from acting right, and making such Thoughts the great Rules of their Conduct; is the dread of being Singular, and the unmanly fear of envious Tempers. They apprehend being traduced or sneer'd at, by the common Herd of Mankind for their insolent Zeal, and their daring to set up to serve others, and improve their Countrymen, and therefore they decline it. It is odd how any good, not to say any great Mind, can be overaw'd by so mean a Modesty, by so poor a Terror, as the Censure or Malice of those he labours to serve, and yet Hundreds (I speak from long Experience) are influenced by it. What makes me wonder the more at such Conduct, is, that I am persuaded Malice here below, is not only design'd by the great Author of Good, as a Trial of our Virtue, to see if it is real and constant to the Touch, as the Goldsmith does his Metal by passing it thro' the Fire, but I cou'd even think Malice, is also a sort of Reward to Virtue.

SWIFT. Bless us all, _Tom!_ Malice a Reward to Virtue! that is something new indeed, _Tom_.

PRIOR. It may be absurd also, but I am sometimes inclined to think it so, because it generally encreases and exalts our Worth, and also as it frequently serves to make it appear with the greater Dignity and Glory, when the Malice of Envyers is vanquish'd or silenced. Besides we often see it a direct Spur to noble Actions, and find it stimulates our Ardour to new advances; and when our Souls are firm enough, to smile at and even wish well to our Detractors, it swells the Heart with a nobler Joy, and an higher Delight, than even Virtue in any other Situation can give. But however that may be, I am sure it is the chief Reward of Virtue in this World, and this Age. But to dismiss that Point, I must observe that it has often amaz'd me, to see how few Gentlemen I cou'd persuade to exert themselves, by proper Donations or Subscriptions, to assist a Society that is so eminently useful to their Country.

SWIFT. I think you have accounted for it pretty well already, I will only add this plain Truth, that Men love their Money better than their Health, or their dear Bodies, to say nothing of their Souls. For this Reason it is, that they don't Care for giving it to Schemes of Notions, and airy Views of Industry, and Improving of Nations; but they keep it for solid Substantial Things, their Racing and Gaming, their Hawks and their Hounds, their Cloaths and their Coaches, their Houses and their Equipages, their Kitchens and Cellars, their Amours and Amusements. They are so far from giving their Money to such Projects and Views, that they will not even give their Thoughts or their Time to them, lest they shou'd be mislead, into the Plague of reading, and thinking, and reasoning; of contriving the best Methods, of punishing the Idle, reclaiming the Vicious, or employing the Poor. Such troublesome Methods, may prove the overthrow of Electioneering and Borough-buying, and their embosom'd Thirst for the poorest Power, the meanest Places, and the basest Gain; and in a Word it wou'd be the Destruction, of all those dirty Jobbs, that enrich private Rogues and beggar Nations. How, dear _Tom_, cou'd you expect such dissipated Minds, such a listless pleasurable Gentry, wou'd ever contribute a Thought, or a Shilling to improve _Ireland_, who won't improve one Thousand Acres, to help their Children and feed their Families? Who will not even take the Trouble, or be at the Expence, to lay out Nurseries for adorning their Estates, or plant out Groves and Woods, to make their Residence pleasant to them; nay, who will not even Build good Mansion Houses, or comfortable Offices for themselves or their Posterity? Wou'd such unthinking unactive Mortals, subscribe to Societies, or lighten their Purses to establish Premiums, who tho' they cou'd make themselves and their Fortunes easy, by a little Management, tho' they cou'd starve their Diseases by Temperance, and be an Honour to their Country, by a little Virtue and Dignity of Behaviour, will not think them worth their Attention. One shou'd never expect, mighty Efforts of Goodness or Greatness of Mind, from any Men, or even dream of moderate ones from _Irishmen_; or at least whoever does, shou'd remember what the _Italian_ says, 'He who lives on Hope dies of Hunger.' As there are few among us, _Tom_, who have exalted Minds, enlarg'd Understandings, or uncorrupted Hearts, join'd with a noble Contempt, for whatever can happen to us here, it is pretty evident, why their Subscriptions were so few and so mean; for without these transcendent Qualities, 'tis hard to conceive how Men can truly love their Country, and be real sincere Patriots. Numbers have Generosity enough, to relieve a distrest Family, to join for a Ridotto, to set up a Musick Meeting, or an Assembly, or Subscribe for a Week's Races; but they wou'd as soon contribute to the Building of Churches, or endowing Colleges for the Advancement of Learning, as to promote the Trade, the Tillage, the Manufactures, the Welfare of _Ireland_, by taxing their Pocket, or substracting from their Pleasures. There is however one Excuse, which I must plead for them, notwithstanding all I have said, and that is the too general Despair, of doing any Service to their Country; by such Subscriptions, the Remedy is so disproportioned to the Disease. 'Tis, they think, like Sir _Joseph Jekills_, leaving 30,000 _l._ by his Will, to help to pay off the National Debt, of eighty Millions.

PRIOR. That was a poor Excuse indeed; for a considerable Number of generous Subscriptions, wou'd greatly relieve the Wants and Distresses of _Ireland_.

SWIFT. No more than a few Showers of Rain, wou'd quench the Conflagration, if the _Pyrenees_ with all their Forests were on Fire, as we Read they once were. All the _Dublin_ Society did, was to shew what we wanted, and to set an Example, of what might be done, to help our dreadful Ailments: But you might as well expect to work Miracles, and to feed Thousands, like our Saviour, with a few Loaves, as to retrieve a Nation, by throwing a few Widow's Mites into the Treasury. It is true, Nations, with their many Hands, make light Work; but where can the Power be found, to animate and employ Millions, but in the Omnipotence of him who made them, or the force and weight of Monarchs, (the Representatives of Heaven) who Rule and Govern them. All you and your Society cou'd do, was to shew you understood the miserable Condition of _Ireland_, and to manifest your sincere desire to assist with some Care and Judgment in the Cure; but you cou'd as well remove Mountains by your Faith, as the Ills we groaned under, by so adequate a Remedy, as your impoverish'd stinted Fund.

PRIOR. Why you will make me lose all Patience, Mr. _Dean_! Do you think because I have laid aside Flesh and Blood, that I can bear any Thing? Did not I lay before you, a long delightful Account, of almost infinite Services which the Society did _Ireland_, in improving old Manufactures, or introducing new Ones; in advancing our Husbandry, in encouraging every Art and every Branch of Industry? As I am now a truly rational thinking Creature, I wou'd not willingly lose my Temper, but I solemnly declare, that the Rules the Society prescrib'd, and the Labours they set on Foot, the Fields which they sow'd or they planted, the Houses they got Built, the Rivers they bank'd in, the Bogs which they drain'd, the Marshes they laid dry, and the Lands they gain'd from the Ocean, have alter'd the very Nature and Face of the Country, and chang'd even the Air and the Climate for the better!

SWIFT. Stuff, Nonsense, Madness! One wou'd think you were alive still, _Tom_, by your furious flourishing on Nothing, or Trifles next to nothing. The Nature and Face of the Country alter'd, and even the Air and the Climate chang'd for the better! Have you a Mind to talk my Reason away, or make a Jest of my zeal for Truth? This is the old way of prating and vaunting in _Ireland_, that used to make me, and every Friend to it sick of such unmeaning Declamations. We are such Fools as ever to be bragging of our Soil and our Linens, our Wealth and our Plenty, our Weather and our Climate, as if we strove to bring over a greater Crowd of _English_ Refugees hither.

PRIOR. Refugees! dear _Dean_, how can you indulge such an Acrimony of Speech? That is not only an invidious, but a sarcastical and barbarous Expression.

SWIFT. Not a whit. I speak only of such as come over to us, for their Love to Religion, for the hope of Liberty of Conscience, whatever they believe, or Preferments in the Church, whatever they Practice, or to avoid Persecution from Men arm'd with Power and the Laws, the Rapaciousness of Creditors, and the Insolence of Sheriffs and Bailiffs, and to live at peace here, with quiet Minds and easy Circumstances. This is a true Notion of a Refugee, and I think such People come over fast enough without such ostentatious Proclamations to give them new Encouragements: My Conduct always took a different Turn, and if I had liv'd a little longer, I had wrote a Treatise to prove _Ireland_, the most inhospitable and barbarous of all habitable Islands, and the very Piss-pot of the Western World. I even made it a Rule to rail at it all I could, to frighten such People from coming hither, lest hearing there was Corn in the Land, shou'd invite them over to eat it up, while we were kept Starving. You pretend to take Offence at my Expressions, but I see plainly, what vext you was, because forsooth I reflected with some Spleen, on your little huckstering Society, with its two-penny Rewards and three-penny Premiums, for going any silly Errands you sent People on; and so in mere Contradiction you make them reform our Heaven and our Earth, and mend our very Climate and the Face of Nature. For my part as to the Face of Nature and the Country, I know no great Alterations, but the shaving her Beard close, and cutting down all her Woods, so that we now pay 40,000 _l._ per Annum for imported Timber. When I was an Inhabitant of this lower World, I remember I lov'd the Country well enough in the Summer Season; but I cou'd not bear to spend much Time in it, as I never cou'd Walk or ride in a single Field; that did not put me in a Passion, either to see it as wild as ever Nature left it after the Mud of the Deluge; or at least not so much improv'd as it might be, if the Owner had common Sense or common Industry. What ever enrag'd me most was, that tho' such Fellows I knew by Experience, wou'd venture their Limbs or their Necks for a Guinea, yet they had not the Skill to make Five Pounds more of their Ground than they got by it, tho' a little Labour and Art wou'd have done the Thing. When I look'd on my Airings on the wild Wastes of rich Lands unbuilt and untill'd, I sigh'd for the want of Houses and Tenements, of Welders and Plows; and when after ten Miles riding, I found some lame Attempts after such Things, I was still more vex'd to see our Cabbins, and what we call'd our Corn Grounds, no more resembling the Buildings and Tillage of _England_, than an Ape does a Man. I really don't expect that _Ireland_ will ever be properly improv'd, till the _Millennium_ makes the whole Earth a Paradise; and then after a long Struggle between Heaven and Nature, we may chance to come in for a share; tho' at present Heaven is so little minded here, as to Churches or Chapels, or national Piety, that I don't wonder to see the Land running into a Desart every Hour, fill'd with Beasts and a few Savages.

PRIOR. I see, _Dean_, you have not forgot your old way of thinking and speaking. It is well there is no Pen and Ink, or Printing allow'd under Ground; or else we shou'd have old work below Stairs----

_Sub Terris tonnuisse putes----_

As the witty Classick expresses it.

SWIFT. If there was, I wou'd raise a little Earthquake yet in this Kingdom. But I have not forgot, _Tom_, nor I cannot yet forgive your strange Rant of improving the very Climate in _Ireland_. If it was, I wou'd not curse it, as _Harry_ the Eighth's Fool did the fine Weather, for taking all the good Company abroad from him, but I shou'd rail at it and you for another Cause; for fear of bringing us better Company than I desire in _Ireland_. I must confess honestly, that our Winter begins very late, and hardly appears till about the End of _December_, and is gone before the beginning of _February_. But then it must be own'd, that we have but very little Spring, unless it be of Grass and Weeds; and that our Autumn lasts but very few Weeks, without any Harvest to gather in, but a little pittance of Corn and some half made Hay; and as for our Summers (as we call them) they come as it were by Chance, now and then one, when _Spain_ and _Italy_ have done with them. Nay, even then, we only get them, as Servants do their surfeited Masters broken Meals; half hot, half cold, in little Scraps and Morsels that do us no Good. In short, _Tom_, a Summer in _Ireland_ when it wanders thither, is of as little Service as fair Weather in _Greenland_, where nothing is the better for it, but vast Swamps and Savannahs and a wild waste of Plains and Mountains, a few rational Brutes that dwell in Caves and Holes of the Rocks, and a parcel of Hares and Deers, which they live tollerably on, while they have Light enough to hunt them. And to talk of mending our Climate, where nothing but a general Conflagration can dry the Land, or purge the Dampness of our unelastick Air, is as absurd as the Philosophers Sun-dial in the Grave. Ah, _Tom_, I was always a very Atmospherical Creature; and often have the Rains of _Ireland_ sunk my Spirits, and made me envy those happy Climates, where the Natives toast in the Sunshine, till they almost grow tir'd of it, and rejoice for Rain and bad Weather, like so many Hackney Coachmen.

But as I hope you have done with all your mighty Reasons, for thinking _Ireland_ on the mending hand, I expect you will indulge me now, while I give you mine, why I think her in a very dangerous declining Situation.

PRIOR. With all my Heart, provided you will allow me the Priviledge of a free Conference, and bear with my opposing, whatever I think is wrong in your Assertions, and let me canvass your Opinions where I want Information or Proofs. I came to call on you, in order to Talk over all that I thought dangerous or distressful, in our present Circumstances and our future Prospects; and to consider what hope we can strike out of Relief or Comfort, for this neglected People and Country; and I promise before hand, I shall not contradict you in any Thing, where you do not force me to it, by an over-bearing Zeal, or a querulous Temper.

SWIFT. A fair Preliminary, to which I readily Subscribe. Now the first Reason, _Tom_, why I have uneasy fears for our Country, and for my having little Expectation of mending her Circumstances is, the utter absence of all Industry and Frugality among us. There is no other Remedy for a thoughtless Nation, which gets little or nothing from others, but saving all it can; and being frugal in proportion to its Indolence and Poverty. This is a self-evident Truth, and yet our Nobility and Gentry spend in Vanity and Luxury, treble as much as Men of twice their Fortune in _England_, tho' they do not half the Good among their Tenants, and neither spend half the Time or Money with them, or take half the pains to improve them, while they every Year encrease their Rents, and our Beggars: 'Tis dismal to make the poor Tenant give the full Tale of Brick, tho' we give them no Straw, and that we starve them, by sending our Money abroad for foreign Commodities, to feed our Extravagance, and gratify our Madness for importing Fopperies; tho' we hurt our Families for the present, and ruin our Poor for ever, who dare not set up Manufactures they know will not be worn. Surely in a Kingdom where no body looks to his own Affairs, as they are connected with the Publick, 'tis Time the Publick shou'd look to every Bodies. What a melancholy Prospect is it, to see fine Cloaths, fine Equipages, fine Race Horses, fine Laces, fine Dishes, deep Play and deep Drinking, the Glory and delight of our People of Fashion; and Ease, and Sloth, and Sleep, and Potatoes, the chief Joy of our Lifeless neglected Natives. Is not such a Nation like a Ship set on Fire on one end, and sinking by a thousand Shot-holes and Leaks, at the other? If we were a little frugal, we might the better bear the Loss we undergo by our Idleness and Inactivity; but when our Gentlemen sacrifice so much to their Pleasures, and our Ladies to their Finery, both which they wisely seek for from foreign Productions, we must be undone unless we prevent our Destruction, by resolving to Work and be busy. There is no Alternative----, one of these two Things we must do; we must either be less Mad for the Manufactures and Products of other Nations, or we must enlarge our Industry, and make Reprisals thereby on our Neighbours, in order to keep our People alive and easy while they are Living. Possibly I may have said this before, _Tom_, and probably I shall say it again, for a full Heart and a troubled Mind, is apt to deal in Repetitions, when they grow almost desperate, and see little hope of a Change for the better.

PRIOR. Dear _Dean_, I own I shou'd be glad to contradict you, as to these dismal Representations of Things; but I have learn'd since I left a false World, to love Truth, tho' it be ever so strong against us, or puts us and our Actions in ever so bad a Light. It is too certain Industry and Frugality are the two great Sources of Prosperity in all Nations; and it is a mortifying Reflection to consider what a miserable Share we have in either of them here. 'Tis as certain if we be Frugal and Industrious, we must be easy and happy, as that we must be wretched and miserable, if we continue our Love to Expence and our hatred to Labour. Nay Frugality and Wealth, which is the Consequence of it, will not do, unless we are diligent Workers too; for _Spain_ is a Proof, and so is _Portugal_, that even Hoards of Money will not enrich a Nation, unless their Gold is used to promote Industry among the meaner Sort, and to raise their Thoughts above Sleep, and Rags, and Dirt, and Inactivity.

SWIFT. Very true, _Tom_, and indeed one wou'd hope unless Heaven has irrecoverably doom'd us to Destruction, there are sufficient Remains of common Sense and Honesty left among our Countrymen, to new form our Manners in these Regards, and improve their ways of Thinking and Acting. In such Case, they may in two or three Centuries learn to believe, Frugality and Industry, Arts and Manufactures worth encouraging, and their Luxury and Debauchery, and an utter Absence of all Regard to the Publick, worth Reforming. It is a shocking Truth to say all this wou'd be done, if Men wou'd but own themselves oblig'd, and wou'd therefore resolve to behave, like reasonable Creatures: And yet this is a Point as hard to bring about, as if we were arguing with _Hottentots_, and persuading _Tartars_ to forbear publick Plunders, and to have some regard to Right and Wrong, and the real Happiness and Misery of themselves and their Posterity.

PRIOR. I agree with you entirely, Mr. _Dean_, and indeed if we cou'd cure our national Ailments by Writing and Speaking, as People who profess removing Disorders, by Words and Charms, what you and I and some others have Publish'd, might have done the Work: But alas! pressing Industry and Frugality on many of our People, who have been train'd up to Sloth and Squandering, is but of equal Efficacy with preaching up Temperance to Sots, or Cleanliness to Negroes, when their Habits and Vices are all against you. The Church of _Rome_ has plac'd _Purgatory_ in the North-West of _Ireland_, which was then one of the remotest wildest Parts of the Earth; and tho' I have reason to believe, they now Wish, they had removed it something more out of View, yet I am sure there is no Part of the Globe, so fit a _Purgatory_ for Sloth as _Ireland_, or where People so generally pay St. _Paul_'s Penalty for not Working, by not Eating.

SWIFT. If due Care was taken, this natural Supineness of our lower People, might be soon turn'd into Activity and Vivacity, by letting them see and feel the Sweets of Labour, and convincing them by Fact and Experience, that when once the Poor are made industrious, they turn all they Touch to Gold, like _Midas_'s Fingers of famous Memory. As to our sleepy Countrymen, I cannot but say that it is a Pity, where Men are commanded to give one Day of the Week, to doing nothing but Acts of Piety, they don't regard the other Part of the Law, and labour the other Six. This at least shou'd be the Magistrate's, and the human Legislator's Business; but really there is no Law made, nor Care taken about it, but every Body overlooks this plain neglected Truth, that Men ought to be as accountable to the Magistrate, for their Time as their Actions, and as punishable for wasting it. But our _Irish_ seem actually to have mistaken the divine Commandment, and it is well their Priests did not leave it out of the Decalogue, as they did the Second. They manage, as if they thought God had bid them be idle six Days of the Week, and Work but one, and very moderately on that one. I have often met in Authors, and think the Assertion true, that the very Genius of the Popish Religion indisposes Men to Labour; as we see by their numerous Holidays, Feasts and Fasts: All which are direct Enemies to Toil and Handy-craft, and make the returns to Work disagreeable. It is undoubted that the Protestants out Trade and out Work the Papists; they have (as all observe) fewer Beggars, they have fewer Drains from their Industry, by those who sleep away their Lives in Colleges and Nunneries; they maintain a much smaller Number of secular Priests, and even to those, they do not prohibit Marriage, and to say no more at present, those lazy Drones the Friars of so many different Orders, are Cankers and Consumptions quite unknown to their Constitution. In most Protestant Countries, more than ordinary Attention, for good political Reasons, has been given to this great Point. In _Holland_ all are employ'd, even the lettred World deal in Traffick and are Merchants; nay the Deaf, the Lame, the Blind, the Dumb, and the very Dead Work.

PRIOR. The Dead Work! That is a Flight extraordinary sure, Mr. _Dean_, and I must call on you to retract that Mistake.

SWIFT. Not at all; for tho' that Truth is a little incomprehensible in _Ireland_, where we have no such Incitements, in _Holland_ the Statues and Monuments of their useful and industrious Citizens, and the Epitaphs and Praises on them, prompt and inflame the living to emulate them, and push on their Virtue to excell, in every Art, and open every Road to Profit and to Glory. When I was throwing away (like other People) my Thoughts and my Time above Ground, I used often to think on these Matters; and I fear to as little Purpose as we talk of them now. However I must say, _Tom_, that tho' if our rich People would think and grow Managers, and our Poor wou'd Work, and keep their Hands and their Children busy, nine tenths of our Evils wou'd be remov'd, yet I am convinc'd, neither of these important Points will be minded, till we are forc'd to get better Notions of Things, by seeing the Nation ruin'd by the want of them, as often as a Boy at School is whipt for playing the Truant, before he will mend.

PRIOR. Ruin is as terrible a Remedy, as a deadly Sickness is a Reformer; and I had rather hope that sumptuary Laws against Dress, Racing, Gaming, _&c._ if we were Wise enough to make them, and amendable enough to mind them when made, wou'd do our Business much better. 'Tis a Misfortune for _Ireland_, that our Spendthrifts so often run out their Lives and their Estates together, and so their Examples are lost on us; for I ever thought it a Pity, they shou'd not live forty or fifty Years in beggary, their own Lives are such a Torment to them, and they become thereby such fine Scare-crows, to our young unthinking Squanderers, when they see them all the while, standing as it were in a kind of Pillory. Nothing keeps the _Dutch_ so frugal as their Loads of high Taxes, for some good Author, (and I think 'tis your old Friend Sir _William Temple_) tells us, one cannot have a Dish of well dressed Fish at a Tavern in _Holland_, without paying near thirty Gabels for it. We want some Remedy for our Extravagancies of all Kinds greatly, but this is so shocking a one, that one wou'd hope the very fear of it might cure us, as some Men have renounc'd their Intemperance, by their dread of the Gout and the Doctor. Without some such helps, our fine Gentlemen seem not inclined to learn or consider, that we shou'd save immense Sums to our Country, if we eat Corn of our own sowing, drunk home-made Wines of our own Brewing, fed on Fish of our own catching, burn'd Coals of our own raising, and wore no Cloaths that were not of our own manufacturing. If they were once convinced of this, good Effects wou'd follow, and we shou'd soon acknowledge that it is barely owing to our own Extravagance, Thoughtlesness, Sleepiness, Drunkenness and Vanity, that we don't, with one Voice, condemn and renounce such evident Errors, in our national Conduct, and fix on their Remedies.

SWIFT. This _Tom_, is merely dreaming of a publick Cure for an epidemical Distemper, as _Curtius_ says _Ptolomy_ did; but we shou'd not only get our Gentlemen, to think for the Nation and themselves; for we want severe Laws to cure the Laziness and Indolence of our lower People. As Idleness is the great Source of Theft, picking and filching, the natural Punishment of at least all smaller Criminals, seems to be hard Labour for Life, or Years. We see in _France_ and _Spain_ they man their Gallies this way, and in _Sweden_ and _Denmark_ they employ them in their publick Works, and chiefly about their Shipping and their Docks. No Punishment cou'd be more terrifying to an _Irishman_, who we generally think is averse to Labour; none cou'd be more useful to our distressed Land, where we lose more People by doing Nothing, than are destroy'd by the Wars and Conquests, the Voyages and Traffick of other Kingdoms. On this Account we shou'd take Care, that Idlers, Beggars and vagabond Strollers, shou'd be treated with the Sharpest Rigour, as they do not only deny to assist their Country by their honest Endeavours, but live like Drones on the Spoil of the Industrious. It shou'd be a Maxim in every well governed State, but especially in _Ireland_, that Idleness shou'd be as severely punish'd as petty Larceny; and to beg with an Ability to Work, shou'd be regarded and treated as a Kind of training up Youth for Stealing, (when they have learn'd the proper Cant and Tricks of their Apprenticeship) and consequently to relieve a Vagabond, shou'd be as faulty and as corrigible as receiving stolen Goods. The proper Place for the Relief of sturdy Beggars, is a good County Work-house, where the Labours of such Vagabonds (and indeed of all Criminals till they are Tried and Discharg'd) shou'd go to the Maintainance of such Poor, who are utterly incapable of Work, and whose Parishes can't support them.

PRIOR. I am quite in your way of Thinking on this Subject, Mr. _Dean_, I remember Doctor _Basire_ in his Life of Bishop _Cosin_, tells us that in several Years Travels in _Turky_ and _Holland_, he never once met a Man who ask'd him an Alms; so that here we see the Wisdom of the State may have the same Effect with the Laws of God among the _Jews_, which prohibited any Beggar to be a Burthen, or a Disgrace to their Tribes. Charity to Vagabonds is Cruelty to the State, which is interested as the Civil Law, and our own Statutes speak, that every Member of the Community, should use his Labour and his Substance, to the best Advantage. Every Stroller or Vagabond is a Loss to the Kingdom, and is little better than a licenc'd Plunderer of our People, and every such Person, is really a living Instance of Neglect or Ignorance in those, who shou'd give us by Law a proper Power and Place, to force him to earn his Bread by his Hands. Whoever has Health and wants Food, shou'd be oblig'd to Work one way or other, for if Idleness was always punish'd by our Statutes with severe Labour, as surely as Felony is by Death, it would then like Thieving be confin'd to the Night, and we shou'd be at least good Day Labourers. The Strength of the political Body, depends as much on its Members being properly exercised, as that of the natural, and on the Neglect of it, infinite Disorders follow. But alas, _Dean_, this is not enough attended to in _Ireland_, or we shou'd have Work-Houses in every County, but we have the peculiar Misfortune of having this dreadful Mixture in our Circumstances; that we have all the Vices, Extravagancies, and Luxury of a rich Nation, with all the Wants, the Distresses and Despair of a poor one. If once our Gentry and Nobility wou'd set us fair Examples of Frugality and Activity, we shou'd soon reform, but alas! great Estates, as we use them, seem design'd for little else but the Triflers of the World, and the wretched Fashions, Fopperies and Fooleries, they are generally thrown away on. However it is certain, Providence appointed them for nobler Purposes, and it were to be wish'd the present Stewards of them (for they are evidently nothing more) wou'd seriously consider this, that they may be able to give the Bestower a better Account of them.

SWIFT. I was saying so every Day, for the last fifty Years of my Slavery among Men, and all to no Purpose! But there is another Matter that makes me fear for the Welfare of _Ireland_, and that is the want of proper Manufactures being set up there. I see _Tom_, you are ready to bawl out to me, the _Irish_ Cambricks, the _Irish_ Linens, but alas! even as to them I am sorry to say, they wou'd do _Great Britain_ and _Ireland_ twice the Service, if they were doubly encouraged, and not left to creep to those Provinces, where they might go with a brisker Progress, if the Funds of the Trustees were enlarg'd, or their Premiums more happily applied. But I leave that, _Tom_, to Time and the Legislature, for the Manufactures which I lament the want of, are those which enrich _France_, _Germany_ and _Holland_; such as those of Brass, Tin, Copper, Lead and Iron Work, in all their amazing Species; those of Glass, Tapestry, Hats, Silk, Leather, Paper, Pins, Needles, Lace, Earthen-Ware, and Numbers of others, of which our own Island can largely supply the Materials, if we wou'd make use of them. Whether it proceeds from our Ignorance or our Poverty, our before mentioned Laziness, or want of Capacity I cannot say; but Arts and Manufactures seem to be discourag'd so remarkably, in this unthinking and unthought of Island, as if we wou'd fain obtain the Name, of _Omnium bonarum Artium noverca_, formerly as I remember given to _Scythia_. Even those few Attempts we make to deserve well in some of them, are brow-beaten or neglected by our People of Fashion. This is a Complaint I must often make, and can never be too often repeated in their Ears, as without their Help no Workmen, how industrious soever, can thrive. 'Tis miserable that our polite People, will not be content to Ruin their own Families by their extravagant Finery, but their Country too, and all who dare endeavour to exert a little Industry in home Manufactures. Surely the Wearers of all Foreign Goods, and especially the Fair Sex, do not believe, or do not consider, that they deliberately starve their own poor Countrymen and their Families, by making them Work in vain. They shou'd in Pity, in Generosity, in Justice reflect, that since we are not allowed to Export our Silk and Woollen Goods abroad, the least that every Friend to _Ireland_ can do, is to encourage them so far, as to wear them at Home, tho' they do not quite come up to those that are Imported to us. Tho' we are terribly impoverish'd by this fondness for Goods which other Nations send us, it is still some Comfort, that there is no Law to force us to it as yet, and that the whole of this dreadful Ruin, is grounded on our own Humours, which a little thinking, some Charity, and a general Poverty, may remove in Time. I know no reason, why a Thousand beautiful Faces I have seen in _Ireland_, shou'd desire to look lovelier than Nature, and the Produce of their native Kingdom can make them: And for our Gentlemen (if they are Gentlemen) they shou'd take a Pride in wearing nothing but what is wrought in _Irish_ Looms, and make it a Case of Conscience, like Archbishop _King_, Bishop _Berkeley_, and Crowds of Patriots I cou'd Name, to be cloathed by our own People. The _Dutch_ I am told, have lately issued a Placart, forbidding all their Subjects (excepting Day-Labourers who are too poor to trangress it) to wear any Silk or Woollen Goods not Fabricated in their Provinces. The greatest Personages are restrain'd herein by severe Penalties, and tho' we cannot make such a Law, (nor perhaps shou'd not desire it in Respect to one Country at least) yet certainly we shou'd form general Resolutions, and try to Establish an universal Custom (which is equal to any Law) of Feeding and Encouraging our own Workmen and Tradesmen.

PRIOR. Laws, Mr. _Dean_, are not so much wanting, as the Will to favour our own Goods, and our own People; and surely as you observe, all who please, may determine in their several Families, to use the Produce of our _Irish_ Looms; and in the mean Time I cannot but make this sad Reflection, that if Industry and Labour be the great Standard of Value in most Things, what (under such Discouragements) can our unemploy'd Country be worth, which except our Linens, sends abroad all the Materials for Labour to others, and lies abed like a _Spaniard_, burning Day-Light, and proud of doing Nothing.

SWIFT. I remember to have Read, when I used to lose Time upon Men and Books, that among the _Turks_, every Man of them learns some Trade or other. This Fashion they probably borrow'd from the _Jews_, who made it a Maxim, that he who does not give his Son a Trade, teaches him to be a Thief: And yet till our Protestants Taught the _Irish_ better Manners, a Trade was as seldom learn'd as a Psalter. It is true of late Years this Folly has been pretty much subdued, and Numbers of our Natives have distinguish'd themselves, by their Skill in different Arts and Handicrafts, but till this Humour wears off, of slighting whatever is wrought at Home, it were better they had learn'd to Fast than to Work. We keep Crowds of our Artificers naked who well-deserve to be cloathed; many are as ill hutted as so many _Greenlanders_ or _Russian_ Peasants, who ought to be well housed, if any one thought them worth taking Care of and Encouraging. But what is still more unhappy, Thousands of them are forced for fear of Jails and Beggary, to run from us to wiser Countries, where they and their Arts are well receiv'd and favour'd by our Enemies or Rivals, whose Industry and Exports they Encrease, and thereby help to Starve the Friends they have forsaken. One wou'd expect common Charity to them and ourselves, and common Sense in conducting our general Interests, wou'd not only have remov'd this main Obstacle to the Prosperity of _Ireland_, but wou'd also put us on setting up all Kinds of new Manufactures, which we still want; let it cost us ever so much for setling them here, and Nursing them till they get Strength, to shift for themselves. It is certain the Publick can hardly pay too dear for such improveable Purchases, for unquestionably where the Advantages are so considerable, saving in such Cases is meanness and madness.

PRIOR. You are ever Tolling the passing Bell of _Ireland_, and yet my fears that there is too much Reason for all you advance, keep me from opposing you; when you censure the Stupidity of our Management, in regard of every Measure that can hurt us or serve us. I spent half my Life in exclaiming in the same Manner, and I might as well have spoke to the Inhabitants of these Tombstones. There is one Particular, which with Grief I must add to all your Complaints, and it is a very discouraging one as to any Hopes of our Recovery, namely, that this Island is made up of two of the most unhappy Mixtures a Kingdom can consist of, a Multitude of Gentlemen and Beggars. The first have not Time from their Pleasures, and their own petty Interests, to think of serving us, and the others cannot either serve themselves or us, without Wages, Food or Raiment, which they cannot get, unless we allow them to Purchase them by their Labours. In short, Mr. _Dean_, while our Ladies scorn to wear any Thing that is _Irish_, and our Gentlemen pride themselves who shall Drink most _French_ Wine; they both Teach their Inferiors the same dreadful Folly, and make them join to enrich their Enemies, Beggar their own Workmen, exalt _France_, and sink _Ireland_, and drive every Creature that has Genius or Industry out of it, to Places as we observed before, where they can hope to get the Necessaries of Life by their Industry.

SWIFT. Your mentioning _French_ Wine, _Tom_, puts me in Mind of another terrible Remora, to the Prosperity of this unfortunate unthinking Country. I have often thought if _Ireland_ had never been allowed to import Foreign Wines, and we had learn'd to Content ourselves, with drinking our own Ale, Beer, Mead and Cyder, and used no other Spirituous Liquors, we shou'd have been the richest, and the honestest, the healthiest, and the happiest Nation under Heaven. It is a melancholy Thought, that poor as we are, and wretched as the Circumstances of most of our Gentry are allowed to be, as to Debts and Incumbrances; yet we actually Drink more _French_ Wine, then all _England_ together, that is so much richer and abler. The Case is, few People drink _French_ Wine in _England_, but those who have very large Estates; Numbers who have a Thousand _per Annum_, seldom tasting it; but with us, every Creature, that has tolerable Cloaths upon his Back, and a Guinea in his Pocket, drinks little else, tho' he has scarce the Conveniences of Life for his Family. There are such Multitudes that can't relish Life or their Food without it, that one wou'd wonder how they can all be provided with it. This Difficulty indeed was soon remov'd; for I hear such Crowds now Trade in it, that it is to be fear'd, if their Customers this Year do not make haste to take it off their Hands, it grows so foul, they must Drink it themselves, or they must sell it at last for Vinegar.

PRIOR. I have heard from some Ghosts, who died of the last Vintage, that (to the Infamy of the Year 1753, be it remembered) 8000 Ton of Wine was imported into this Kingdom from _France_; to the dreadful Drain of our ready Cash, the encrease of the general Poverty of our People, and the Misery of all who Labour and cannot Eat. Allow me to observe here, Mr. _Dean_, that the _Chinese_ seem to know us well, who send us not only their Teas, but also Cups to Drink it out of; and I have often wondered that the _French_, don't send us Bottles and Glasses with their Wines, as we have not Industry enough to make them; tho' the very Bottles for 8000 Ton are computed to cost us 67000 _l._ It is dreadful to look over such Scenes of Destruction, and much more so to know they are remediless, while our People thus court _France_ to undo them, by sending for such vast Quantities of her Claret, at the same Time I hear it is pleaded in behalf of the Importers, that they never were guilty of such a Fault before.