Chapter XVIII: Epilogue

“Ye Gypsies of Rome
That run up and down,
And with miracles the people cozen,
By the help of some saint
Get the month which you want
And make up a baker’s dozen.

“You see the old Year
Won’t help you ’tis clear,
And therefore to save your Honour,
Get a new Sun and Moon,
And the work may be done,
And ’fore _George_ it will never be sooner.”

The political squibs of this time are chiefly written by Cavaliers, and give a one-sided view, from which, however, much may be gathered. Though not actually election addresses, they refer to the claims which the electors of the kingdom found themselves constrained to address to the throne.

Among the collection of “Bagford Ballads,” so capably edited and illustrated by J. W. Ebsworth, M.A.,[12] is a group of parliamentary election ballads, apparently of the date 1679-80, and relating to Essex, Buckinghamshire, Wiltshire, and the Universities. The Titus Oates plot; the Duke of York and his threatened exclusion from the succession; the impeachment by the Commons of a secretary of State, of Lord Danby, lord-treasurer; with the opposing designs of the Papists and the rabid Dissenters; and, above all, the petitions and the counter-petitions, seem the leading topics of these satires: but they do not contain much enlightenment upon elections, pure and simple. “The Essex Ballad,” humorously explains the _modus operandi_ of the “abhorred” petitions.

“In Essex, much renowned for Calves,
And giving verdicts in by halves,
For Oysters, Agues, and for Knaves
Of Faction,
One Peer, and men of worship four,
With gentlemen some half a score,
Did draw in ten Dutch Ells of Bore
To Action.[13]
The Squire, whose name does famous grow
As Marcus Tullius Cicero,
And keeps true time with Sir A. Carew
And Ashley.[14]
As freely gave himself his hand,
As once his voice to rule the Land
By such as should not understand
Too rashly.
The Rout, that erst did roar so loud,
A Mildmay and a Honeywood,[15]
Are of their choice now grown so proud
You’d wonder:
And these State-Tinkers must be sent
To stop the leaks of Government,
Grown crazy now, and almost rent
In sunder.
His Honour first set all his hands,
Each member next in order stands;
The rabble, without ‘ifs and ands,’
Sub-scratch it.
The Cause, not obsolete, though old,
Like Insects lay in winter cold,
And warm Petitions (they were told)
Would hatch it.
Corn bore a price in Cromwell’s days,
Nor did we want a vent for bays;
Nay, even calves were several ways
Advanced.
And then we fear’d not wicked plots,--
The Godly serv’d to cut our throats,
Though agents for the Pope, as Oates
And Prance[16] said.
Those reasons did so much prevail,
That they petition’d tooth and nail,
To have the Sovereign strike sail,
And stand by:
While th’ Parliament had sate some years,
To drive out Pope with Presbyteers,
And try the Babylonish Peers
And Danby.”[17]

The grievances of the petitioning constituencies are farcically rehearsed, the king is prayed that he will not “quite forget the Senate,” and the writer goes on to describe the signatories of this “Anti-Popish Bull.” When all hands had been set to the roll, it was found that--

“Several yards of fist,
Were wanting to complete the list
_Sans scruple_.
Those scholars that could write, they bribe
To prompt and proxy every side;
And these did personally subscribe
_Centuple_.
But now the time draws on apace,
And member itches for his place,
The knights and gentlemen five brace
Assemble;
And brought the muster-roll to Court
Tho’ Charles did hardly thank ’em for’t;
But made ’em with a sharp retort
To tremble.
Now God preserve our King and Queen
From Pyebald Coats and ribbons green,
Let neither knave nor fool be seen
About ’em.
And those that will not say _Amen_,
Let ’em petition once again,
For every one, the Shire has ten
To rout ’em.”

“Ribbons green,” were the badges of the Protestant Association, at the head of which was Shaftesbury, “the popular favourite,” or “Sejanus,” as his enemies designated him. _Vide_ “A Litany from Geneva:”--

“From Saucy Petitions that serve to inflame us,
From all who for th’ Association are famous,
From the _Devil_, the _Doctor_, and the d----d _Ignoramus_,
_Libera nos Domine_.”

The obstinate and infatuated zealots, who would insist on keeping up the pretence that parliaments were essential to the constitutional government of the kingdom, were, with the suspected association, treated to all the witticisms Cavalier balladists could bring to bear against preposterous attempts to assail the royal prerogative, and enforce the just balance of the State:--

“’Tis to preserve his Majesty,
That we against him rise,
The righteous cause can never die
That’s manag’d by the wise.
Th’ _Association’s_ a just thing,
And that does seem to say,
Who fights for us, fights for the King,
_The clean contrary way_.”

(“_A Hymn exalting the Mobile to Loyalty._”)

The members representing Buckingham town in the fourth parliament of Charles II., 1679, were Lord Latimer and Sir Richard Temple.

“Of thirteen men there were but six
Who did not merit hemp well,
The other seven play their tricks
For Latimer and Temple.”

The Buckingham ballad, “The Sale of Esau’s Birthright,” which relates to these members, is interesting from an electioneering point, as proving bribery, and as showing there were only thirteen electors of this limited constituency concerned in this particular return. Six voted, according to a list at the end of the ballad, “for their king and country,” and seven for Lord Latimer and Sir _Timber_ Temple (the Earl of Danby, in another version), “for popery and their Town Hall” (“Sir R. T. his Timber, Chimney-money and Court,” according to another version). It seems certain that Sir Richard Temple had offered a present of timber for the Town Hall--in fact, some years later he is called “Timber Temple” (“State Poems”)--which was regarded as a bribe; it also appears that some delay had arisen in its payment.

“Our prating Knight doth owe his call
To Timber, and his Lady;
Though one goes longer with Town-Hall,
Than t’other with her baby.

“The Bailiff[18] is so mad a spark
(Though h’ lives by tanning leather),
That for a load of Temple’s bark,
He’d sacrifice his father.”

The other electors were a barber, two maltsters, a baker, and a farmer; the peppery ballad castigates the former, and concludes with a groan against the members returned:--

“Thus Buckingham hath led the way
To popery and sorrow;
Those seven Knaves who make us slaves,
Would sell their God to-morrow.”[19]

“The Wiltshire[20] Ballad,” also belonging to this so-called “group of election ballads,” professes to be--

“A new Song, composed by an old Cavalier,
Of wonders at Sarum by which doth appear,
That th’ old Devil came again lately there,
To raise a Rebellion
By way of Petition.

“From Salisbury, that low Hous’d Town,
Where steeple is of high renown,
Of late was brought unto the Crown
A Lesson:
’Twas drawn up by three worthy wights,
Members they were, and two were Knights,
Great trencher-men, but no one fights
Mompesson.[21]
Through discontent his Hand did set
First to the scroll without regret,
Then pilgrim-like travel’d to get
Some others,
From house to house, in Town and Close,
Our zealous Preservator goes;
Tells them of dangers and of Foes;
But smothers
The true intent of what they bring,
Who beg’d the House may sit; a thing
Which only can preserve the King,
When nothing
Destroys him more; for should he give
Consent, he’d never that retrieve,
But part with his Prerogative;
A low thing
Make himself by ’t, the rabble get
Into his high Imperial seat
They’d make him Gloriously Great!
We trow it.
They serv’d his Father so before,
These Saints would still increase the store
Of Royal Martyrs, Hum! no more,
We know it.
The herd of zealots long to see
A monarch, but in effigie,
A project which appears to be
Most witty;
And they at helm aspire to sit,
There govern without fear or wit,
King and un-king when they think fit;
That’s pretty.
To see (’twould make a Stoic smile)
_Geneva Jack_[22] thus moil and toil
To Lord it in our British Isle
Again, Sir;
And ‘Pulpit-Cuff’ us till we fight,
Lose our Estates and lives outright;
And when all’s done, he gets all by ’t,
That’s plain, Sir.
But this, I hope, nor make no mars
_Charles_ knows what’s meant by all these jars,
And these domestic paper-wars,
Conceive it;
_Tom_ of Ten Thousand,[23] is come in,
Sure such a hero much will win,
On skulls as thick, as his is _Thin_,
Believe it
The people would have power to call
Parliaments, and dissolve them; all
Regalias possess; what shall
The Saint, Sir,
Not have the power of Peace and War?
Religion steer? Holy we are,
And rich, the King shall we (be ’t far)
Acquaint, Sir?”

The Court party lost no opportunity of abusing their opponents of the Constitutional and Protestant party; they not only did the Whigs the favour to hate them cordially, but, as their own satires abundantly demonstrate, they also dreaded and feared them not a little.

The more sober-sided attacks came from the opponents of overstrained prerogative and those who upheld the popular rights of representation against absolute monarchy; witness the following:--

“PLAIN DEALING,

_Or a Second Dialogue between Humphrey and Roger, as they were
returning home from choosing Knights of the Shire to sit in
Parliament_.

(PRINTED FOR T. B.)

_Roger._ Well overtook, neighbour. I see you are not a man
of your word; did you not promise me, when we last met,
that you would vote for our old members, that sat in the
last Parliament, to be Knights of the Shire, to sit in the
parliament at Oxford.

_Humphrey._ I thought to do so, but, by my brown cow, I have
been over-persuaded to the contrary by my Landlord and his
Chaplain, _Mr. Tantivie_, and a pestilent fine man, I think
they said he was a courtier, that lay at my Landlord’s house;
and what with arguments and wine, they drew aside my heart, and
made me vote against my conscience.

_Roger._ ’Twas ill done, neighbour _Numps_, but all their
artifices would not do, we have carried it by some hundreds
for our old members, that stood so bravely for their country.

_Humphrey._ I am glad of it with all my heart, for, to tell you
truly, tho’ my landlord had my voice, the old members had my
heart, and I’ll never do so again.

_Roger._ I hear most of the Counties in England are of the same
mind, and all the Burgess Towns, Cities, and Corporations; but
what arguments could they use to alter thy mind?

_Humphrey._ First, I say, they made me continually drunk, and
then my Landlord asked me so very civilly, and gave me so many
good words, and fine promises what a kind Landlord he would
be, that I forgot all your instructions; and methought he had
invincible arguments to persuade me.

_Roger._ What were they?

_Humphrey._ Nay, I have forgot them; but I thought no
Counsellor-at-Law, nor any Bishop, could have contradicted
them: I now remember one argument that took with me; you know I
was ever for the King, and he told me the King did not love the
old Parliament-men, and therefore I should not vote for them;
but I, being bold, asked him how he knew that.

_Roger._ What said he then?

_Humphrey._ Why he laid me as flat as a flounder, that is, he
fully convinced me, for, said he, if the King had loved them he
would not have dissolved them. I think that was demonstrable.

_Roger._ ’Tis no matter, tho’ the King did not love them, they
lov’d you and your country, and you should so far have loved
yourself, as not to have betrayed your own interest. What said
the Courtier?

_Humphrey._ ‘Faith he said not much to me, but I suppose he had
said enough to my Landlord.

_Roger._ And was this all your Landlord said to you? Had you
nothing to say for yourself? You spoke rationally the last time
we were together.

_Humphrey._ Nay, I was forward enough to speak I’ll assure you;
and I told them I was sure our old members would be for the
rooting up of Popery, and would stand stiffly against Arbitrary
Government.

_Roger._ What said they then?

_Humphrey._ My Landlord laughed at me, and told me I had been
among the _Presbyterian Whigs_, and bid me have a care of
being cheated into Rebellion, by those two words _Popery_ and
_Arbitrary Government_. Then he showed me a printed paper, I
think he called it _The Mistress of Iniquity_, which showed as
plain as the nose on my face, that in ’41 they did as we do
now, and by that means they brought one King to the block, and
so they would now do by our present Sovereign, God bless him.

_Roger._ Alas! alas! and that frighted you, did it?

_Humphrey._ Frighted me, ay marry did it, and I think ’twould
affright any honest man; you know I was always a King’s man,
and I would be taught to join with those, or give my Voice
for such, who, under the notion of crying against Popery and
Arbitrary Government, would pull down the King and the Bishops,
and set up a Commonwealth again.

_Roger._ Well, _Numps_, I believe thee to be an honest man, and
there be many in this land of thy condition, that are not of
any great reach in policies and tricks of State Mountebanks,
and so may be easily persuaded, upon false grounds, to betray
your country, your liberties, your lives, and religion.

_Humphrey._ Nay, that was not all; he then read another printed
paper, with a hard name, I think it was _Hercules Rideing_, or
something of jest and earnest which I laughed heartily at, and
methought there were some things called ‘_Querks_,’ which made
a jingling and noise in my ears, that I thought there was some
spell in it, for it seemed to join with _Mistress Iniquity_, to
make all the Presbyterians traitors, and most of the people of
England mad and factious.

_Roger._ There is as much heed to be given to these pamphlets
as to the jingling of Morrice-bells. They are hired to set the
people together by the ears, and are Papists in masquerade;
things set up to affright the people out of their senses, with
the buy leave of ’41; wise men see through them, honest men are
not affrighted at them, and fools and knaves only are led aside
by them.

_Humphrey._ But don’t we do now as formerly, before the late
wars? don’t we run in just the same steps as they did, who
caused all the late bloody doings, as those pamphlets would
make us believe?

_Roger._ I cannot tell what they mean by roads and highways;
pray Hodge, we are now riding in the High-road to the next
market-town; before the last Assizes, in this very road three
or four Highwaymen rode in it too, and robbed several persons,
and committed many villainous murders, and were at last caught
and hanged for it; now therefore, because we are riding in the
same Highway, must we honest men be accounted thieves, robbers,
and murderers, and all others who travel this road? that’s a
hard case.

_Humphrey._ You say right, neighbour Hodge, tho’ the gallows
stand in the highway, we need not run our Heads against it, nor
do anything to deserve it.

_Roger._ Shall not the people who feel the burden and groan
under the oppression, and, having no other way of redress but
a parliament, desire and petition for one, and cry out against
such illegal and unjust proceedings, but presently they must be
termed by these fellows seditious, factious, and such as would
dethrone the King, and pull down the Bishops? Then all men must
hereafter be afraid to speak, to vote, or to petition against
grievances, lest they should be termed rebels, villains, and
traitors.

* * * * *

_Humphrey._ O neighbour, my heart trembles! what a rogue was I
to vote at random, when our all lies at stake! I did not think
we had put such a trust into the hands of our Parliament-men;
I thought, alas, as many do, that we chose only for form-sake,
and that they were only called to Parliament to give the King
money, and to do what he would have them; and we have paid so
many taxes already, and given so much money, that I wished in
my heart there would be no more parliaments in my days.

_Roger._ You see you were mistaken; ’tis the greatest trust
that can be put into the hands of men, when we send to the
parliament our representatives, for we entrust them with our
religion, lives, liberties, and property, all we have; for they
may preserve them to us, give them from us, and therefore,
neighbour, we ought to be careful in whom we put this great
trust, and not be persuaded by our Landlord or any flattering
Courtier, or ‘_horn-winding Tantivie_’ of them all, to choose
those whom we know not, and are not well assured of, and that
we dare not confide in.”

Equally sound in argument is the following:--

“A SPEECH WITHOUT DOORS MADE BY A PLEBEIAN TO HIS NOBLE FRIENDS.

(PRINTED FOR B. T. 1681.)

Parliaments have been wont to take up some space at the first
Meetings to settle the House, and to determine of unlawful
elections, and in this point they never had greater cause to
be circumspect than at this time: For by an abuse lately crept
in, there is introduced a custom, which, if it be not seen and
prevented, will be a great derogation of the honour, and a
weakening of the power of your House, where the law giveth a
freedom to Corporations to elect Burgesses, and forbiddeth any
indirect course to be taken in their Elections, many of the
Corporations are so base-minded and timorous, that they will
not hazard the indignation of a Lord Lieutenant’s letter, who,
under-hand, sticks not to threaten them, if he hath not the
Election of the Burgesses, and not they themselves.

And commonly those that the Lords recommend are such as desire
it for protection, or are so ignorant of the place they serve
for, as that there being occasion to speak of the Corporation
for which they are chosen, they have asked their neighbours
sitting by, whether it were a sea or a land town?

The next thing that is required is _Liberty of Speech_,
without which Parliaments have little force or power; speech
begets doubts, and resolves them; and doubts in speeches beget
understanding; he that doubts much, asketh often, and learns
much; and he that fears the worst, soonest prevents a mischief.

This privilege of speech is anciently granted by the testimony
of Philip Cominus, a stranger,[24] who prefers our parliaments,
and the freedom of the subject in them, above all other
Assemblies; which Freedom, if it be broken or diminished, is
negligently lost since the days of Cominus.

If Freedom of Speech should be prohibited, when men with
modesty make repetition of the grievances and enormities
of the kingdom; when men shall desire Reformation of the
wrongs and injuries committed, and have no relation of evil
thoughts to his Majesty, but with open heart and zeal, express
their dutiful and reverent respect to him and his service;
I say, if this kind of Liberty of Speech be not allowed in
time of Parliaments, they will extend no farther than to
Quarter-Sessions, and their Meetings and Assemblies will be
unnecessary, for all means of disorder now crept in, and all
remedies and redresses will be quite taken away.

As it is no manners to contest with the King in his Election of
his Councillors and servants (for Kings obey no men, but their
laws), so it were a great negligence, and part of Treason, for
a subject not to be free in speech against the abuses, wrongs,
and offences that may be occasioned by Persons in authority.
What remedy can be expected from a prince to a subject, if the
enormities of the kingdom be concealed from him? or what King
so religious and just in his own nature, that may not hazard
the loss of the hearts of his subjects, without this Liberty
of Speech in Parliament? For such is the misfortune of most
princes, and such is the happiness of subjects where Kings’
affections are settled, and their loves so far transported to
promote servants, as they only trust and credit what they shall
inform.

In this case, what subject dares complain? or what subject
dares contradict the words or actions of such a servant, if it
be not warranted by Freedom of a Parliament, they speaking with
humility? for nothing obtaineth favour with a King, so much as
diligent obedience.

The surest and safest way betwixt the King and his people,
which hath the least scandal of partiality, is, with
indifference, and integrity, and sincerity, to examine the
grievances of the Kingdom, without touching the person of any
man, further than the cause giveth the occasion: for otherwise,
you shall contest with him that hath the prince’s ears open to
hearken to his enchanting tongue, he informs secretly, when you
shall not be admitted to excuses, he will cast your deserved
malice against him, to your contempt against the King; and so
will make the prince the shield of his revenge.

These are the sinister practices of such servants to deceive
their Sovereigns; when our grievances shall be authentically
proved, and made manifest to the world by your pains to examine
and freedom to speak. No prince can be so affectionate to a
servant, or such an enemy to himself, as not to admit of this
indifferent proceeding: if his services be allowable and good,
they will appear with glory; if bad, your labour shall deserve
thanks both of Prince and country.

When justice shall thus shine, people will be animated to serve
their King with integrity; for they are naturally inclined to
imitate their princes in good or bad.

* * * * *

If any man shall pervert this good meaning and motion of yours,
and inform his Majesty, _’Tis a Derogation from his Honour to
yield to his subjects upon Conditions_, his Majesty shall have
good cause to prove such men’s eyes malicious and unthankful,
and thereby to disprove them in all their outer actions; for
what can it lessen the reputation of a Prince whom the subject
only and wholly obeyeth, that a _Parliament_ which his Majesty
doth acknowledge to be his highest Council, should advise him,
and he follow the advice of such a Council? What dishonour
rather were it to be advised and ruled by one Councillor alone,
against whom there is just one exception taken of the whole
Commonwealth?

Marcus Portio saith, that that Commonwealth is everlasting,
where the Prince seeks to get obedience and love, and the
subjects to gain the affection of the Prince; and that Kingdom
is unhappy where their Prince is served out of ends and hope of
reward, and hath no other assurance of them but their service.”

The substitution of Oxford, “the hot-bed of Toryism,” for Westminster as the place of assembly for what proved Charles II.’s last parliament, was violently opposed by the members, who naturally resented this royal manœuvre of cutting off the representatives from the protection of the citizens. A petition remonstrating against the change was presented by Essex and sixteen other Peers; this darkly set forth dangers to the Crown, and reminded the king of the disasters which had always followed similar departures from the rule of London parliaments. Charles frowned, but took no heed. The parliament, forced into submission, attended at Oxford, Shaftesbury and other adherents taking with them a body-guard of armed retainers, citizens of London, wearing the Association green ribbons, with the legend, “No Popery: no Slavery!”

“Who was ’t gave out, that a thousand Watermen
Had all conspir’d to Petition, when
The parliament to Oxford were conven’d,
That they might sit at Westminster for them;
But ne’er were heard of more than Smith and Ben?[25]
Who was ’t endeavour’d all that preparations
To guard the City Members in their stations
To Oxford; which look’d far more Arbitrary
Than _Forty-One_, or absolute Old Harry.”

The doctors were dispossessed from their seats to make way for the legislators:--

“The safety of the King and ’s Royal Throne
Depends on those five hundred Kings alone.”

Parliament met March 21, 1681. Of its short existence of eight days, three were consumed in formalities, the choice of a Speaker, and other preliminaries. The course of the action of the members was predetermined. They were to insist on the banishment and exclusion of the Duke of York from the succession. The impeachment was to be proceeded with of Fitz-Harris, who was imprisoned and awaiting trial, on an information of Everard, for being the author of a treasonable libel; it was understood, or at least expected, that the Duchess of Portsmouth and others of the Court would be implicated in his confession. The Lords voted that he should be proceeded against at Common Law, by which decision the Commons were craftily involved in a struggle for privilege and power with the Peers, who were also less impatient than themselves to carry the Exclusion Bill, the Lower House resolving that “it is the undoubted right of the Commons in parliament assembled to impeach before the Lords in parliament any Peer or Commoner for treason or any other crime or misdemeanour; and that the refusal of the Lords to proceed in parliament upon such impeachment is a denial of justice and a violation of the constitution.”[26]

This squabble between the two branches of the legislature exactly answered the king’s occasions; he made this a pretence for again dissolving the parliament, thus saving his brother and the Duchess of Portsmouth from the designs of the Commons. As it was, Charles coolly dismissed them as impracticable and useless, telling them, “he perceived there were great heats between the Lords and Commons, and their beginnings had been such as he could expect no good success of this parliament, and therefore thought fit to dissolve them.” This was on the 28th of March. On this point the Rev. J. W. Ebsworth, M.A., who has edited the “Bagford Ballads,” which illustrate the last years of the Stuarts, remarks--

“Had they been in London, there can be no doubt they would
have resisted, calling the City to support them, and voted
themselves permanent, to the defiance of the King and a
commencement of civil war. He saw their plan, and conquered
them.”

It was the lesson of “forty-one” to be taught again, as was prophetically hinted by “the ghost of the late Parliament to the New One to meet at Oxford.” In reference to the tyranny of the Commons, as opposed to the absolutism of the Crown, we find a _Loyal Poem_, entitled--

“THE PARLIAMENT DISSOLVED AT OXFORD.

MARCH 28, 1681.

“Under five hundred kings Three Kingdoms grone:
Go, Finch,[27] Dissolve them, Charles is on the throne,
And by the grace of God, will reign alone.

“The Presbyterians, sick of too much freedom,
Are ripe for Bethle’m, it’s high time to bleed ’em,
The Second Charles does neither fear nor need ’em.

“I’ll have the world know that I can dissipate
Those _Impolitick Mushrooms of our State_,
’Tis easier to _dissolve_ than to _create_.

“They shan’t cramp Justice with their feigned flaws;
For since I govern only by the Laws, (!)
Why they should be exempt, I see no cause.”

The actual “Oxford Poem” in the Bagford Collection is addressed:--

“ON PARLIAMENT REMOVING FROM LONDON TO OXFORD.

“You London lads be merry,
Your Parliament friends have gone
That made us all so sorry
And would not leave us alone.”

“THE WHIGS’ DOWNFALL.

“To perfect which, they made their choice
Of parliaments of late,
Of members that had nought but voice,
And Megrims in their pate.
_Wi Williams_ he the Speaker was,
And is’t not wondrous strange;
The reason’s plain, he told it was,
Because they would not change;
He told you truth, nor think it strange;
He knew well their intent,
They never meant themselves to change,
But change the Government.
For now cry they ‘The King’s so poor,
He dares not with us part;
And therefore we most loyally
Will break his royal heart.’”

For a fine, ancient, divine-right-of-kings effusion commend us to the following full-flavoured High Tory manifesto:--

“TO MR. E. L. ON HIS MAJESTY’S DISSOLVING THE LATE PARLIAMENT AT OXFORD.

“An Atheist now must a Monster be,
Of strange gigantic birth
His omnipotence does let all men see,
That our King’s a God on earth.

“_Fiat_, says he, by proclamation,
And the parliament is created:
He repents of his work, the Dissolution
Makes all annihilated.

“We Scholars were expell’d awhile,
To let the Senators in;
But they behav’d themselves as vile,
So we return again:

“And wonder to see our Geometry School
All round about be-seated,
Though there’s no need of an Euclid’s rule
To demonstrate ’em all defeated.

“The Commons their Voting Problems would
In Riddles so involve,
That what the Peers scarce understood,
The King was forc’d to solve.

“The Commons for a good omen chose
An old consulting station:
Being glad to dispossess their foes
O th’ House of Convocation.

“So Statesmen like poor scholars be,
For near the usual place
They stood, we know, for a great Degree,
But the King deny’d their Grace.

“Though sure he must his reason give,
And charge them of some crime:
Or else by course they’ll have reprieve
For this is the _Third time_.

“It was because they did begin,
With insolent behaviour:
And who should expiate their sin
The King himself’s no Saviour.

“Their faults grew to a bulk so high,
As mercy did fore-stall:
So Charter forfeited thereby,
They must like Adam fall.

“It is resolv’d the Duke shall fail
A Sceptre to inherit:
Nor right nor desert shall prevail,
’Tis Popish to plead merit.

“Let the King respect the Duke his brother,
And keep affection still,
As duly to the Church his mother:
In both they’ll cross his will.

“They would Dissenters harmless save,
And penalties repeal;
As if they’d humour thieves, who crave
A liberty to steal.

“Thus he that does a pardon lack
For Treason damn’d to dy.
They’d tempt, poor man, to save his neck,
By adding perjury.[28]

“The Nobles threw th’ Impeachment out[29]
Because, no doubt, they saw
’Twas best to bring his cause about,
But not to th’ _Commons Law_.

“But hence ’twas plaguily suspected,
Nay, ’tis resolv’d by vote,
That th’ Lords are popishly affected,
And stiflers of the plot.

“The Commons’ courage can’t endure
To be affronted thus:
So, for the future to be sure,
They’ll be the Upper House.

“But by such feverish malady,
Their strength so soon was spent
That punning wits no doubt will cry--
_Oh, Weeked Parliament_!”