Chapter D: The Dreadful

Dinotherium he
Will have to do his best for D.
The early world observed with awe
His back, indented like a saw.
His look was gay, his voice was strong;
His tail was neither short nor long;
His trunk, or elongated nose,
Was not so large as some suppose;
His teeth, as all the world allows,
Were graminivorous, like a cow's.
He therefore should have wished to pass
Long peaceful nights upon the Grass,
But being mad the brute preferred
To roost in branches, like a bird.[A]
A creature heavier than a whale,
You see at once, could hardly fail
To suffer badly when he slid
And tumbled

(as he always did).
His fossil, therefore, comes to light
All broken up: and serve him right.

MORAL.

If you were born to walk the ground,
Remain there; do not fool around.

[A]
We have good reason to suppose
He did so, from his claw-like toes.

E

stands for

Egg.

MORAL.

The Moral of this verse
Is applicable to the Young. Be terse.

F

for a

Family taking a walk
In Arcadia Terrace, no doubt:
The parents indulge in intelligent talk,
While the children they gambol about.
At a quarter-past six they return to their tea,
Of a kind that would hardly be tempting to me,
Though my appetite passes belief.
There is Jam, Ginger Beer, Buttered Toast, Marmalade,
With a Cold Leg of Mutton and Warm Lemonade,
And a large Pigeon Pie very skilfully made
To consist almost wholly of Beef.

MORAL.

A Respectable Family taking the air
Is a subject on which I could dwell;
It contains all the morals that ever there were,
And it sets an example as well.

G

stands for Gnu, whose weapons of Defence
Are long, sharp, curling Horns, and Common-sense.
To these he adds a Name so short and strong,

That even Hardy Boers pronounce it wrong.
How often on a bright Autumnal day
The Pious people of Pretoria say,
"Come, let us hunt the----" Then no more is heard
But Sounds of Strong Men struggling with a word.
Meanwhile, the distant Gnu with grateful eyes
Observes his opportunity, and flies.

MORAL.

Child, if you have a rummy kind of name,
Remember to be thankful for the same.

H was a

Horseman who rode to the meet,
And talked of the Pads of the fox as his "feet"--
An error which furnished subscribers with grounds
For refusing to make him a Master of Hounds.
He gave way thereupon to so fearful a rage,
That he sold up his Stable and went on the Stage,
And had all the success that a man could desire
In creating the Part of

"The Old English Squire."

MORAL.

In the Learned Professions, a person should know
The advantage of having two strings to his bow.