Chapter II: Part 2

"Showing-off" as a method of courtship is not only as old as the human race, but is perhaps the most common one used by animals. While the complete discussion of this topic is reserved for the chapter upon courtship, the picture of love as it is experienced by the young people in this second stage would not be complete without at least a passing reference to it. It constitutes one of the chief numbers in the boy's repertory of love charms, and is not totally absent from the girl's. It is a most common sight to see the boys taxing their resources in devising means of exposing their own excellences, and often doing the most ridiculous and extravagant things. Running, jumping, dancing, prancing, sparring, wrestling, turning hand-springs, somersaults,--backward, forward, double,--climbing, walking fences, singing, giving yodels and yells, whistling, imitating the movements of animals, "taking people off," courting danger, affecting courage, are some of its common forms. I saw a boy upon one such occasion stand on the railroad track until by the barest margin he escaped death by a passenger engine. One writer gives an account of a boy who sat on the end of a cross-tie and was killed by a passing train. This tendency to show off for love's sake, together with the inability to make any direct declaration, is well illustrated in the love affair of Piggy Pennington, King of Boyville.[10] "Time and time again had Piggy tried to make some sign to let his feelings be known, but every time he had failed. Lying in wait for her at corners, and suddenly breaking upon her with a glory of backward and forward somersaults did not convey the state of his heart. Hanging by his heels from an apple tree limb over the sidewalk in front of her, unexpectedly, did not tell the tender tale for which his lips could find no words. And the nearest that he could come to an expression of the longing in his breast was to cut her initials in the ice beside his own when she came weaving and wobbling past on some other boy's arm. But she would not look at the initials, and the chirography of his skates was so indistinct that it required a key; and, everything put together, poor Piggy was no nearer a declaration at the end of the winter than he had been at the beginning of autumn. So only one heart beat with but a single thought, and the other took motto candy and valentines and red apples and picture cards and other tokens of esteem from other boys, and beat on with any number of thoughts, entirely immaterial to the uses of this narrative." This "showing-off" in the boy lover is the forerunner of the skillful, purposive and elaborate means of self-exhibition in the adult male and the charming coquetry in the adult female, in their love relations.

Another kind of indirection that is very interesting is that of a boy who ostensibly is talking to one, but everything which he is saying is intended for another. This is sometimes extended into a sort of pleasant teasing and scuffling in which the very one whom he wants to touch is very carefully avoided. A further phase of the same thing is shown by the embrace or caress that is given to one while the emotional discharge goes out to some one else; as for example, a boy under the influence of a meeting with the girl whom he had begun to love but to whom he had made no confession, went home and walked up to his sister, put his arms about her neck and kissed her. The action was so unusual as both to surprise the sister and to arouse her intelligent suspicions. Goethe makes much use of this type of emotional discharge in his "Elective Affinities," and Tennyson alludes to it in the lines,

Dear as remembered kisses after death,
And sweet as those by hopeless fancy feigned
On lips that are for others.

Such manifestations are not far removed from those that are shown to pet animals and to persons of the same sex, reference to which has previously been made.

Previous to the age of about nine the girl is more aggressive than the boy in love affairs. At this age her modesty, coyness and native love for being wooed, come to the surface and thereafter characterize her attitude toward the opposite sex.

TYPICAL CASES.

Case 1. A boy of eight confessed through a girl's friends his
love for the girl. Then on the playground he did little favors
for her as though they were matters of course. If attention was
in any way called to his acts of kindness he would lightly
dismiss the affair with "Oh, that's nothin'," always showing
embarrassment at the fact that his favoritism had been observed.
In writing about it the girl says: "I liked him very much and
enjoyed being near him on the playground, but was very much
embarrassed when he spoke to me; so about all the pleasure that I
got out of this little romance was in watching him as he would
try to gain my attention and good-will while we were all at
play."

Case 2. In a case that continued from seven to thirteen the
writer says: "I wanted to stand by him in the game, but would
never make the effort to get the situation--although it always
came about. He sent me very pretty valentines, but was very
careful that I should not find out who sent them. When we met on
the street we would both blush, and a strange feeling would
possess me that I did not have on any other occasion. My bliss
was complete when I was walking down the street and he overtook
me--although we could say nothing to each other."

Case 3. B. 9, g. 11. Boy very much annoyed by the fact that the
girl was two years older. He thought that the husband ought
always to be older, and "looked forward to the time when I should
make her my wife. It was in secret, however, and I was always
fearful lest some one should find it out. The girl probably never
bestowed a thought upon me. I was very shy in her presence, and
if she spoke to me or addressed me in any manner my tongue clove
to the roof of my mouth, making it almost impossible for me to
answer. I dreamed about her night after night, and upon hearing
her name mentioned I would become confused and nervous." This
continued from nine to fifteen, and developed into a genuine case
of adolescent love.

Case 4. B. 11, g. 9. Boy would come to take the girl to their
little parties--but would never walk on the same side of the
street with her. The girl writes: "We were very much afraid of
each other, and yet we weren't. When we were together we never
would speak to each other if we could help it, but when we were
apart we wrote notes constantly."

Case 5. "I was very much in love with a boy when I was between
seven and nine years of age. I always felt hurt if he chose any
one else in the games. I was very much embarrassed if this boy's
name was mentioned in the presence of my mother or brothers. I
didn't mind their teasing me about any other boy. I felt none of
this embarrassment in the presence of my sympathetic playmates."

Case 6. An eight-year-old boy contemplated suicide because his
sweetheart moved into another neighborhood. He would not tell her
that he loved her. Wanted to give her a present, but feared she
would divine the truth.

Case 7. From a woman's confessions, referring to her love at nine
years of age: We never used the word _love_, it was always
_like_. I think we felt afraid of _love_. I think we had no
definite idea of marriage, we lived completely in the present.
However, I felt in a dim way that we were always to be together.

Case 8. From a man's confessions: "I never told any one that I
loved the girl, and did not even want the girl to know it. I was
satisfied to be in sight of the girl. I was nine and she was
ten."

Case 9. B. 9, g. 8. A blue-eyed girl and a handsome dark-eyed
boy. One day he told Bessie he had something to tell her, but
that she must tell no one. He said that he had wanted to tell her
before but could not; now he would tell her if he choked to death
in the effort. Braving all difficulties, he led Bessie to an oak
tree and while pretending to be gathering acorns, told her of his
love. She forgot that she should "tell no one," and at the first
opportunity told me the whole story, and how she had loved him,
but had never imagined he cared anything for her. I had
understood Bessie's feelings before she told me this, and now
rejoiced with her. She wanted to be with him almost constantly,
but he was shy and always wished to conceal his affection from
every one except from Bessie. She thought the mutual love
something to be very proud of, and could not understand why he
could not tell every one unblushingly as she did. She talked of a
faraway sometime when she should be his wife; he, terribly
embarrassed, acknowledged the fact when she mentioned it in his
presence. This condition of affairs continued about three months,
when she gradually came to the conclusion that he did not love
her and she would give him up for one she knew loved her. This
was a young man of seventeen or eighteen who delighted in holding
her on his knee, playing with her curls and caressing her in
different ways. He cared for her as boys of that age usually care
for little girls. Milton, filled with jealous anger, remained at
a distance for awhile, and then spoke of the unusual proceedings
to Bessie. She told him in child language that "When one is truly
in love one not only says it but shows it," and having fallen
desperately in love with the more fortunate young man she gave
Milton to understand that he need hope no more. The new lover
remained but a short time, and after bestowing a beautiful doll
as a parting gift he went away. She cried, was sorry that she had
misunderstood Milton, but was too proud to call him back, and
contented herself with her doll, declaring she did not like boys,
and would never, never have a lover again. Milton with his
parents soon moved away, and we never saw him again.

Case 10. B. 10, g. 16. A boy of ten very much in love with a girl
of sixteen. They wrote letters which they exchanged in some
secret way. I chanced to see some of the letters which the boy
had received from the girl in which she was profuse in her
expressions of love. The girl did not seem to care if her love
for the boy was known, but the boy was shy. This continued for
some time, in fact, until the young lady was engaged to be
married to a young man, and within a week of her marriage she
told her grandmother that if H. were but a little older her eyes
would be turned in a different direction.

Case 11. The two children I refer to were about nine years old.
They seemed to think a very great deal of each other, but were
very shy in the presence of others. He often sent the little girl
presents of flowers and candy on the sly. They continued to love
each other for three or four years, until they finally became
estranged through jealousy.

Case 12. When I was nine years old I fell in love with a girl
about my own age who was also in love with me. I was jealous when
I saw her playing with any other boy. I never told any one that I
loved the girl, and didn't even want her to know it. As I grew
older it gradually disappeared without anything to break it up.

Case 13. From the age of seven to ten I loved a boy of my own
age. It happened occasionally that the class would stand up to
spell, and when it did we frequently stood side-by-side. When the
teacher allowed the school to spell in the old-fashioned way of
"turning down" we were averse either to go above the other when
we were entitled to do so. Our childish happiness lasted but one
school term. His family moved away. We both felt the separation
very keenly, and were sure that we never would have such friends
again. At ten I thought more of another boy who had recently
moved to our town. Our love began by our playing together in
games with others. Our attachment grew to be very warm. He would
send me valentines, and I would usually answer them. We were
together in our study and in our games and sports. He would
choose me and I would choose him,--except occasionally to tease
him I would choose his nephew who was a little older than he. At
times he did not appear to care, but at others he became angry.
This love continued for four years with occasional interruptions
in its placidity.

Cases of early love continuing throughout life. Case 6, page 335, and case 11, page 336, also belong to this group.

Case 1. My father and mother fell in love with each other when
they were five years old, and were lovers till they died, both at
the age of sixty-seven. When they were children they lived in the
country some miles apart. Their parents attended the same church,
and on Sundays in the summer-time the children were allowed to
play outside while the church services were going on. It was in
this way that they met, and for some time, they saw each other
only on Sundays. When seven years old they started to the same
school, and from that time on they were very devoted lovers. They
were married at twenty-two, and lived happily together during
forty-five years. They raised a large family, all of the members
of which are now grown.

Case 2. I know of a couple who have been married ten years who
have been lovers since childhood. The husband is four years older
than his wife, with whom he fell in love when he was seven years
old. They lived in the same town, and their parents were the best
of friends. The children had many opportunities for being
together, and always seemed very happy in each other's company.
They were always acknowledged to be lover and sweetheart by their
playmates, and it seemed very natural that they should marry,
which they did when she was seventeen.

Case 3. I have a friend who is about five years older than I. We
have been very intimate, and she has told me everything about her
life. She and her husband have been lovers since they were five
years old. She says that there has never been a time in her life
since that time when she didn't love him. They were neighbors
when they were small children, but moved apart and did not see
each other for years. She went with friends to Europe and had
many interesting experiences with other suitors, but her love for
that boy never changed except to grow stronger. They have been
married several years.

Case 4. During the time that I was teaching I boarded for several
terms in a family, the husband and wife of which told me that
they had been lovers since the first year that they attended
school, and that neither had ever had any other lover.

Case 5. Two young people that I know have been lovers since they
were babes. During their early school years the little boy would
call for his little sweetheart every morning and take her to
school. He was always at her side during the play periods, and
would walk home with her after school was out in the afternoon.
When either was sick the other called regularly and brought
little favors. They have been very jealous of one another during
all of their life. They are now twenty and soon will be married.

Case 6. I know a couple who were married at the age of nineteen
whose love began when they were children. Their parents were
neighbors, and the children grew up together. During their
childhood their love was not interfered with by the parents, but
when they arrived at adolescence and began to go to parties
together the parents of both objected. The most severe measures
of the parents of both failed to prevent their marriage.

Cases with disparity in the ages of the lovers.

Case 1. A little boy of four began to show the most devoted love
for a young lady. Even when she was absent the mention of her
name would cause an expression of almost worship to pass over his
little face. She gave him her picture, and every night he said
his prayers to it and kissed it good-night. There was no cloud in
his sky until one day he heard two members of the family
discussing the arrival of a young man who was interested in the
young lady. No notice was taken of the little one, and when
dinner time came he was missing. He was found in the
carriage-house--a little bundle of indignation--getting ready to
drive down town. In the carriage he had put his father's
shot-gun, and he vowed vengeance on the young man who was
"stealing away" his "darling," as he called her. It took some
time to pacify him, and he was only satisfied when the young lady
herself appeared on the scene and promised him she would not
marry the young man. That was nearly three years ago, and he is
still as devoted a little lover as he was then.

Case 2. A little girl of five showed great affection for a boy of
twenty-one. She used to climb upon his lap and caress him, and he
never forgot to have some little delicacy for her in his pockets.
This little girl had a pet kitten which her parents did not wish
her to play with, and so her brothers coaxed the young man to
kill it, thinking that she would think anything which he did all
right. But the child's conduct towards him changed, and she
didn't care for him as before. She is now nineteen years old, but
whenever she sees him she thinks:--"He killed my pet."

Case 3. I knew of a little girl not more than four years of age
who became warmly attached to a young gentleman. He laughingly
said to the child "I will wait for you." She did not forget the
remark, but looked upon him as her ideal. Every act of friendship
between him and other lady friends was noticed with a jealous eye
by the child. The young man travelled through the West, and while
there met a lady who later became his wife. When the child
learned this she was very angry and hated the lady. She did not
feel differently about it until she was grown.

Case 4. A girl ten years old became very fond of a young man of
nineteen while they both were attending school. She would wait
for him to walk home with her from school. She took great pride
in her personal appearance, and would always wonder if it would
please him. This affection lasted through one winter and the next
summer. After that the girl seemed to care for the boys of her
own age.

Case 5. The last year I taught there were two little boys,
Lambert, aged seven, and Frank, aged six, who fell in love with
me. Lambert was very demonstrative when alone with me or when
only grown folks were around, but did nothing in the presence of
his schoolmates. He would put his arms around me, kiss me, and
was very happy when he could sit on my lap. He gave me very few
presents, but dearly loved to be with me, and often asked me to
wait until he grew up so that he could marry me. He very
frequently told me how much he loved me, and would ask me if I
loved him, and if so whether I loved him more than I did others.
Frank was very bashful, and though he would stay near me, would
never come very close. He would watch my actions very closely,
and tried to please me in every particular. Nearly every day in
spring he would bring me a bouquet either of wild or tame
flowers. Quite frequently he brought me fruit. If he had only one
apple or banana he was never satisfied until I had taken a bite.

Case 6. A boy about ten years old loved a young lady of twenty
during two years. Jealousy conspicuous. Expressions of love in
the giving of small gifts, such as fruit, flowers, etc. Actions
of the boy quite free and gallant in the presence of others. No
tendency to withhold demonstrations and be satisfied with love at
a distance. On the contrary, he seemed to seize every opportunity
to show the lady attention. At about twelve years of age the boy
began to hate her as extremely as he had formerly loved her.

Case 7. A little girl three years of age claimed me as her lover.
Whenever I called on her parents she rushed to me and wanted me
to hug and kiss her, and was never backward in doing her part. If
at any time I did not notice her solicitations she would turn
away from me and, going to some remote corner of the room, would
cry as if her little heart would break. Jealousy was very
prominent in her.

Case 8. A little girl three years old and a young man between
twenty-five and thirty. It has continued now for about six or
eight months and is mutual. The little girl says she is going to
marry Mr. ----, and he says he wishes he could find a big girl
that he thought as much of or that she was a young lady. She is
very careful to always be nice in his presence. Will sit on his
lap and love him, and seems happier than with any one else. She
will ask her mamma "When will Mr. ---- come to see me?" One day I
met him and he told me to tell her that he would be in that
afternoon. I did so, and she was very much delighted--ran and
told the other members of the household. She seated herself in
the parlor and would look at her clothes and brush them and sit
in as prim a position as possible. She seemed to want to look her
best. Her kindergarten teacher tried to coax her to go to her
room; she said, "Oh no, Mr. ---- is coming to see me," and would
ask impatiently when I thought he would come. She acted the same
when alone or with others. She was very jealous, and never wanted
any other lady to sit nearer him than she was. She would often
say "He is mine." She did not object to gentlemen sitting by him.
No gifts on either side.

Case 9. Last October a boy of four met for the first time a young
lady of eighteen. He at once became strongly attached to her, and
during the week they spent visiting the same family he was almost
constantly at her side. He would sit on her lap with his arms
around her neck, and sometimes shyly kiss her. He would leave his
mother and go with the young lady in preference. He wanted to be
doing everything that she did. The older boys teased him, but he
did not care. Said she was his girl, and always would be. He
cried for her to go with him when he went home. He has not seen
her since that time, but they have her picture, and he takes it
and kisses it and calls her his sweetheart.

Case 10. A little cousin named Blanche when about two years of
age became greatly attached to a man who worked for her father
and lived with the family. He was probably thirty years her
senior. The feeling continued growing stronger for about four
years, when it was broken off by her finding out that he "had
another girl." She told me once that she loved him more than she
did her papa or mamma, and that when she grew up would go and
live with him. When she got presents for any of her friends he
was always remembered. She was very demonstrative, sitting on his
lap and in many other ways showing her feeling for him.

Case 11. A young lady of twenty years and a boy of six. We all
boarded in the same house. He was so attached to her that he
would never go to sleep without kissing her good-night. The very
coldest day in winter if his mamma didn't have his coat and
mittens on him when the bell rang for twelve o'clock or for six
o'clock he would go without them to meet her, for he knew that
she came at that time. He was always asking if she loved him, and
if she would wait until he was a man and marry him. This
continued for nearly three years when, one day, a lady whose hair
was gray called on his mamma. He didn't like her, and after she
left said to the young lady "I won't marry you when I am a man
for your hair will be gray." After that he never cared
particularly for her.

Case 12. I know of one case where a little boy about six years
old fell in love with a lady about twenty years old, and always
used to call her his girl. He used to go and put his arms around
her and kiss her at any time; it did not embarrass him if some
one was looking at him. He is about eighteen now, and seems to
think a great deal of her yet.

Cases showing the continuity of the emotion through the first three stages of its development.

W., 18. I cannot remember a time before I was fourteen years old
when there was not some little boy whom I loved. The first case
that I can recall occurred when I was five years old. I know that
I was five for I have heard my parents say how old I was when
they moved away from that place. After we moved away I never saw
him any more. We came to another town and I started to school. I
was rather afraid of all the little boys, but some of them I
liked very much. I can remember one big boy whom I didn't like.
He was always trying to play with me, but I thought that I just
hated him. One day he caught me and kissed me. It didn't frighten
me, it simply made me very angry. I was so provoked that I cried
and slapped him in the face as hard as I could. The little boy
that I did like at that time was a red cheeked boy with dark hair
and blue eyes. I do not remember any particular incident, but I
know that we played together all of the time and thought a great
deal of each other. I was then about seven years old. By the next
year of school this boy had moved away, but another little boy
came to school whom I liked better. His name was Ray. I can
remember him better than I can the others. For a long time I
thought that he didn't care for me, and while I thought that I
was afraid of him;--that is, when I met him I was so bashful and
trembled so, because I was afraid that he would find out how I
loved him and would make fun of me. Our teacher believed in
having little boys and girls sit together in school so that they
would not be bashful. I had always sat alone, but now for some
reason or another she put Ray in the seat with me. I could not
study or do anything with Ray so close to me. I was almost afraid
to look up till one day he told me that he loved me. Then I found
out that he had been afraid all of the time that I didn't like
him. I was over most of my shyness then. I suppose that my
teacher concluded that she had cured me of my bashfulness. I wore
short dresses then that just came to my knees. I was good at
wearing out my stockings at the knees, but my mother was such an
excellent darner that it took the closest scrutiny to find the
darned places. One day Ray noticed this darning and asked me if
my grandmother did it. I told him that my mamma did it. "I wish
that I had some one to darn for me like that," he said. I told
him that mamma was teaching me to darn that way. "Well," he said,
"when we are married you will know how and can darn mine that
nice." That was the first that I had thought of our getting
married, and I can remember how proud I was to think that he
cared so much for me. He was always very good to me, and we never
quarrelled. Our love continued about two years. He moved to the
city when I was ten years old. He was about a year and a half
older. I have seen him only twice since then. The summer that I
was eleven years old I met a little boy who was visiting his
aunt, our neighbor. He was a year older than I. I cannot remember
his name, but can remember how he looked. I loved him the same as
I did Ray, except at the time I thought I loved him much better.
I didn't know whether he loved me or not, but I thought that he
did, because I noticed that he was just as nervous when we were
together as I was, and turned his eyes away when I looked at him
just as I couldn't help doing when he looked at me. One day I
told Grace, his cousin, that I liked him better than I did any
one else I knew. I said that I believed that I liked him better
than I did my mamma. He had been at his aunt's two months, and I
told Grace this just the day before he was going away. On the
next day he came over in the forenoon and found me standing alone
by the rain-barrel, thinking about him and almost crying because
he was going away so soon. We stood and talked awhile, and then
he said "Say, did you really mean what you said to Grace
yesterday?" I can remember just how he looked at me when he said
it. I wanted to tell him that I did. Then I thought that I would
tease him. So I pretended that I did not know what he meant and
tried to get him to tell me what it was. He kept telling me that
I knew what it was and to please answer him. But I kept
pretending that I did not know. I remember that I thought that I
had better not say that I did because he hadn't yet said that he
loved me. At last he said, "Please do tell me, I would be _so_
happy if I knew that you meant it." I was just going to tell him
that I did mean it when mamma called me to come in and help her,
so I had to go without telling him. He went away that afternoon,
and I have never heard of him since. I cried that night because I
had not told him what he wanted me to instead of teasing him. The
last boy that I fell in love with had twinkling blue eyes, dark
hair and dozens and dozens of freckles. He was what the people
call a "holy terror," but every one liked him because he was so
free-hearted and ready to help everybody. I do not know how I
happened to fall in love with him nor when, but I did, anyway. He
was a favorite with the girls, and that is what spoiled him. He
got into the company of bad girls and boys, and before he was
fifteen years old he was the worst boy in town. He is now about
twenty-one or twenty-two, and no respectable girl will have
anything to do with him. I prayed and prayed that he might be
changed, but it seemed that it was not to be. I was only a child
then, but I loved as earnestly as any woman ever did. After
awhile my feelings changed. For a time I hated and loved him by
turns. Then I began to feel sorry that he could not be good, and
so finally I only felt pity for him.

M., 34. I remember that when I was three years old I was very
much in love with a young lady of eighteen, the grocer's
daughter, who was one of our neighbors. She was especially fond
of me, and came for me nearly every day to spend a part and
sometimes the whole of the day with her. My sister was married in
the month before I was three, and I remember many of the
incidents of the wedding. That event marked the first that I can
remember about my love for Miss Carter. This love lasted during
three years,--until I started to school. Then I soon fell in love
with another young lady,--a very beautiful and popular French
girl of eighteen. I asked my teacher if I might sit by her. He
told me that I might if she were willing. I at once asked her,
and she made me very happy by giving her consent. I was her
seatmate during all of the remainder of that school year. I was
very jealous about the attentions which she received from her
many admirers, and was thoroughly miserable during the days that
she was absent from school. There was another young lady in the
same school whom I loved at the same time, but not with the
intensity of my love for my seatmate. In my seventh year I fell
in love with a little girl about my own age. I loved her very
much, and she loved me in return. We were free and natural in our
demonstrations of kissing, embracing and exchanging gifts and
attentions. In the case of the two young ladies who were free and
even excessive in fondling me, I was relatively passive, but
enjoyed all their expressions of love very much. During the years
from eight to twelve I was very desperately in love with a girl
three years older than I, but about the same size. She was a very
beautiful girl with expressive brown eyes and dark but clear
complexion. She liked me very much, and it was understood among
our playmates that we were lovers, although we were more reserved
toward each other than we were toward any of the other school
children. I do not know how my secret was discovered, because I
had not told any one. I wouldn't have told her for anything. I
couldn't have. It was very embarrassing for me to speak to her,
although in Blackman I always tried to catch her, and usually
succeeded for she didn't try very hard to get away. In playing "I
Spy," if I was "it," I always allowed her to get to the home goal
without spying her. In other games, such as "Dropping the
Handkerchief" or choosing games she was the one whom I favored.
Any little courtesy that I could show her filled me with keen
delight, although I never wanted her to take any notice of it. I
wanted her to understand it but not to mention it. The secret
understanding between us was not the embarrassing thing,--it was
any expression of our love toward each other that we could not
stand; any reference to it by others was also very embarrassing.
I do not think either of us was teased much. I could not easily
keep my eyes off of her during school sessions, and in the
recitations, if I chanced to sit or stand by her, I was very
nervous and could feel my heart beating with great violence. I
never corrected her in class, and have purposely missed many a
word in spelling to keep from turning her down. I never wrote her
a note nor in any way confessed my love for her except in such
acts as those which I have enumerated. She moved away from our
town when I was twelve. I grieved over it for a year or
more,--until I fell in love with another girl. This was my first
adolescent love, and came over me with great power. The girl was
about my own age and loved me as much as I did her. During the
first year of this love we were both somewhat shy. We wrote notes
and made the most extravagant confessions on paper, but would
carefully avoid such in our conversations. In the choosing games
we nearly always chose each other. In the kissing games I was the
only boy whom she would kiss. There was one other boy whom she
would allow to kiss her. I was very jealous of him although he
was my chum. At fourteen we had passed our shy stage, and then
became very demonstrative and sought each other's company outside
of school. We exchanged love-letters very frequently. Some of
these were twenty to thirty pages long, and were more poetic and
beautiful than anything that I have been able to write since. I
have some of them yet, and read them with much pleasure. My love
for this girl lasted through more than three years, during which
I was never absent from her home on Sunday. Our relations were
encouraged by her parents. We had the usual love quarrels and
temporary estrangements on account of jealousy, but they were
soon over. At seventeen I left that town to teach school in
another town fifteen miles away. She was attending school in the
academy. While I was away two of my rivals perfected a plot that
effected our estrangement. For a year we did not speak to each
other. Then there was a sort of reconciliation, but nothing could
undo the harm that had been done. I have not seen her for
thirteen years, but I still think of her very kindly and recall
our youthful romance as a pleasant and sacred memory.

W., 31. When I was about three years old a little boy of two
lived near us. Our parents were warm friends and encouraged the
love affair that soon sprang up between us. Our love was open and
quite as a matter of course, we were very demonstrative and not
in the least embarrassed by observers until I was about six, when
we became more shy. We played house, and were always man and
wife. Scarcely a day passed which we did not spend playing
together from morning until night. Neither of us cared anything
about playing with others. Once I remember as I was going home
from the store carrying a little basket, Walter's cousin, a boy
of about the same age, offered to carry it for me. He had no
sooner taken it than Walter overtook us and commanded him to give
him the basket saying that he _always_ took care of me. When the
young gallant refused to give up the basket Walter took it from
him and, putting it at a safe distance, proceeded to give him a
pounding. Then he took up the basket and walked home with me. I
remember that I enjoyed this scene very thoroughly. We were
almost inseparable for five years, when my family moved out West.
We exchanged gifts and promises of eternal love, but the parting
was very sad. We promised to wait for each other and marry some
day. Within the next two years he sent me gifts and I sent him
gifts and letters. His mother said he enjoyed getting the letters
but was too shy to answer them, and was very easily teased about
me. I was very proud of my lover, and told my new little friends
about him. I was very happy when he sent me a photograph of
himself neatly framed when he was about nine years old. Although
we still considered ourselves sweethearts we were each enjoying
love affairs at home. During my ninth year I had a lover about my
own age. He was very popular among all the girls because of the
gifts he distributed liberally. I was decidedly his favorite, and
was proud of the distinction. We were shy before grown people,
but at school were acknowledged lovers. While not openly
demonstrative, we took advantage of our games to show our love by
choosing each other and giving the kiss or other mark of
affection required by the game. We especially enjoyed walking
home from school together or playing together when no one else
was by. My heart was almost broken when it was discovered that he
had been stealing small sums of money for some time in order to
give me the gifts which had made me so happy. I was not allowed
to have anything more to do with him, and he soon moved away.
About this time I fell in love with a young man twice as old as
I. He worked in my father's office and boarded with us. I loved
to be with him, and was especially happy when he took me with him
to church or some entertainment. When he would take me by the arm
and help me through the deep snow I felt very grown up and proud
of his attention. He cared for me as a little girl and I
worshipped him as my knight. I was very jealous when he showed
any young lady attention. Soon after this my father died and we
moved to a lonely station on the prairie. Again I fell in love
with a man more than twice my age whom I saw very seldom. I was
very happy when he took me on his lap or caressed me. I was very
shy both with him and about him, but magnified every look and
word and act until I convinced myself that he loved me as much as
I did him. I was intensely jealous, and when I did waken to the
fact that he loved a young lady I was nearly heart broken. No one
dreamed of this except a girl confidant. His marriage several
years after hurt me. I think he never suspected my feelings. When
about thirteen a boy a little older than I moved into our town
from the East, and we proceeded to fall in love with each other
at once. We wrote long letters to each other daily,--although we
sat across the aisle from each other--and handed them to each
other slyly when we thought no one was looking. When I was
obliged to remain at home one week he brought me a long letter
each evening after school. These letters were full of love and
jealousy, and were read over and over, and were often carried
next the heart. We took long walks and rides together, but I
cannot recall a single caress given or received during the two
years we were acknowledged lovers. I had received very strict
teaching in regard to such things. Both of us were easily teased
and very bashful when observed by others. When he was sent to a
town fifteen miles away he felt sure I would forget him and that
this meant the end of our beautiful love. I grieved over his
leaving and because we were not allowed to correspond, but was
really beginning to love a young man somewhat older so much that
I was not inconsolable. We were very jealous of each other; and
the news which came to each did not contribute to our peace of
mind until we gradually grew apart. This affair was renewed
later, and was of quite a different character.

NOTES

1: It should be borne in mind by the reader that this article is a preliminary study. It forms a part of one chapter of a relatively comprehensive study of some of the aspects of the Psychology of Sex. The writer appreciates the fact that there may be a number of questions suggested to the reader, the satisfactory answer to which cannot be found in the data submitted here. It may also seem that too much is made of some of the facts and that certain interpretations are unwarranted. This effect is almost always inevitably the result of isolating any phase of a subject from its settings in the whole to which it belongs. Several points merely touched upon in this article are to be exhaustively treated in other sections of the same study.

2: Ribot: The Psychology of the Emotions, p. 248.

3: Psychology of Sex, Vol. III; Alienist and Neurologist, July, 1901, p. 500; American Journal of Dermatology, Sept., 1901.

4: Principles of Psychology, Vol. I, pp. 487, 488.

5: The Emotions and the Will, Chap. VII.

6: The Play of Man, p. 254. New York, 1901.

7: Zeitschr. f. Psychol. u. Physiol. d. Sinnesorgane, Vol. II (1891), p. 128. (Quoted by Groos.)

8: The Emotions and the Will, pp. 126, 127.

9: American Anthropologist, Vol. I, pp. 243-284. Also see Lippincott's Magazine, March and September, 1886.

10: McClure's Magazine, February, 1897, p. 322.

Transcriber's Note

This eBook was transcribed from The American Journal of Psychology, vol. XIII, no. 3, July 1902.

Quotation marks have been added to the beginning of each paragraph in long quotations.