Chapter IV: Part 4

MANSIPULA. Thou knave, but for thee, ere this time of day
My lady’s fair pew had been strawed[172] full gay,
With primroses, cowslips, and violets sweet,
With mints and with marigolds, and margoram meet,
Which now lieth uncleanly, and all ’long of thee:
That a shame recompense thee for hindring of me!

MANSIPULUS. Ah pretty prank-parnel, the cushion and book,
Whereon he should read and kneel are present, here look.
My lord, when he seeth me, he will cast such an eye,
As pinch will my heart near ready to die.
And thus wise and thus wise his hand will be walking,
With thou, precious knave: away; get thee packing.
[_Here let him [pretend to] fight._

HAPHAZARD. Nay then, by the mass, it’s time to be knacking:
No words at all, but to me he is pointing.
Nay, have at you again: you shall have your anointing.

MANSIPULA. Body of me, hold, if ye can!
What, will you kill such a proper man?

HAPHAZARD. Nay, sure I have done, when women do speak.
Why would the knave my patience so break?

MANSIPULUS. Well, I must be gone, there is no remedy,
For fear my tail makes buttons, by mine honesty.

HAPHAZARD. For reverence on your face, your nose and your chin.
By the gods, have ye heard such an unmannerly villain?

MANSIPULA. I never heard one so rank of rudeness.

MANSIPULUS. In faith, it is but for lack of lewdness.[173]
But here I burn day-light, while thus I am talking.
Away, come, Mansipula, let us be walking.

MANSIPULA. Contented, Mansipulus; have with thee with speed.

HAPHAZARD. Nay, stay yet, my friends, I am not agreed.

MANSIPULA. We dare not tarry, by God, we swear.

HAPHAZARD. Nay, tarry, take comfort with you for to bear:
It is but in hazard, and if you be miss’d,
And so it may happen you feel not his fist.
Perhaps he is stay’d by talk with some friend:
It is but in hazard: then sing, ere you wend.
Let hope be your helper, your care to defend.

MANSIPULUS. By hap or by hazard we sing, ere we cry;
Then sing, let us say so, let sorrow go by.

MANSIPULA. We can be but beaten, that is the worst.

_Enter_ SUBSERVUS.

What how, Mansipulus! thou knave, art thou curs’d?
My lord standeth talking, and I gape for thee.
Come away, with a wannion! run, haste and hie.

MANSIPULUS. Nay, hearken, Subservus, stay, I pray thee:
Let us have a song, and then have with thee.

SUBSERVUS. Content, if thou hie thee.

_Sing here all._

_Hope so, and hap so, in hazard of threat’ning,
The worst that can hap, lo, in end is but beating._

MANSIPULUS [_sings_].

_What, if my lording do chance for to miss me,
The worst that can happen is, cudgel will kiss me:
In such kind of sweetness, I swear by God’s mother,
It will please me better, it were on some other._
[ALL.] _With thwick thwack, with thump thump,
With bobbing and bum,
Our side-saddle shoulders shall shield that doth come.
Hope so, and hap so, in hazard, &c._

MANSIPULA [_sings_].

_If[174] case that my lady do threaten my case,
No cause to contrary, but bear her a space,
Until she draw home, lo, where so she will use me,
As Doctors doth doubt it, how I should excuse me._
[ALL.] _With thwick thwack, with thump thump,
With bobbing and bum,
Our side-saddle shoulders shall shield that doth come.
Hope so, and hap so, in hazard, &c._

SUBSERVUS [_sings_].

_What, if your company cause me have woe,
I mind not companions so soon to forego.
Let hope hold the helmet, till brunt it be past,
For blows are but buffets and words but a blast._
[ALL.] _With thwick thwack, with thump thump,
With bobbing and bum,
Our side-saddle shoulders shall shield that doth come.
Hope so, and hap so, in hazard, &c._

HAPHAZARD [_sings_].

_Then let us be merry, it is but by hap,
A hazardly chance may harbour a clap:
Bestir ye, be merry, be glad and be joying,
For blows are but buffets and small time annoying._
[ALL.] _With thwick thwack, with thump thump,
With bobbing and bum,
Our side-saddle shoulders shall shield that doth come.
Hope so, and hap so, in hazard, &c._
[_The end of the song._

_All speaketh this._

Haphazard, farewell: the gods do thank thee.
[_Exeunt._

HAPHAZARD. Farewell, my friends, farewell, go prank ye.
By the gods, Haphazard, these men have tried thee:
Who said thou wast no man, sure they belied thee.
By Jove, master merchant, by sea or by land,
Would get but small argent, if I did not stand
His very good master, I may say to you,
When he hazards in hope what hap will ensue.
In court I am no man:--by Cock, sir, ye lie--
A ploughman, perhaps, or ere that he die,
May hap be a gentleman, a courtier or captain;
And hap may so hazard he may go begging:
Perhaps that a gentleman, heir to great land,
Which selleth his living for money in hand,
In hazard it is the buying of more:
Perhaps he may ride, when spent is his store.
Hap may so hazard, the moon may so change,
That men may be masters, and wives will not range:
But in hazard it is in many a grange,
Lest wives wear the cod-piece, and maidens go strange.[175]
As peacocks sit perking by chance in the plumtree;
So maids would be masters by the guise of this country.
Haphazard each state full well that he marks,
If hap the sky fall, we may hap to have larks.
Well, fare ye well now for better or worse:
Put hands to your pockets, have mind to your purse.
[_Exit._

_Enter_ JUDGE APPIUS.

The furrowed face of fortune’s force my pinching pain doth move:
I, settled ruler of my realm, enforced am to love.
Judge Appius I, the princeliest judge that reigneth under sun,
And have been so esteemed long, but now my force is none:
I rule no more, but ruled am; I do not judge but am judged;
By beauty of Virginia my wisdom all is trudged.
O peerless dame, O passing piece, O face of such a feature,
That never erst with beauty such matched was by nature.
O fond Apelles, prattling fool, why boasteth thou so much,
The famous’t piece thou mad’st in Greece, whose lineaments were
such?
Or why didst thou, deceived man, for beauty of thy work,
In such a sort with fond desire, where no kind life did lurk,
With raging fits, thou fool, run mad, O fond Pigmalion?
Yet sure, if that thou sawest my dear, the like thou could’st make
none:
Then what may I? O gods above, bend down to hear my cry,
As once ye[176] did to Salmacis, in pond hard Lycia by.
O, that Virginia were in case as sometime Salmacis,
And in Hermophroditus stead myself might seek my bliss!
Ah gods, would I unfold her arms complecting of my neck?
Or would I hurt her nimble hand, or yield her such a check?
Would I gainsay her tender skin to bathe, where I do wash,
Or else refuse her soft, sweet lips to touch my naked flesh?
Nay! O, the gods do know my mind, I rather would require
To sue, to serve, to crouch, to kneel, to crave for my desire.
But out, ye gods! ye bend your brows, and frown to see me fare;
Ye do not force my fickle fate, ye do not weigh my care.
Unrighteous and unequal gods, unjust and eke unsure,
Woe worth the time ye made me live to see this hapless hour!
Did Iphis hang himself for love of lady not so fair?
Or else did Jove the cloudy mists bend down from lightsome air?
Or as the poets mention make of Inach’s daughter meek,
For love did he, too, make a cow, whom Inach long did seek?
Is love so great to cause the quick to enter into hell,
As stout Orpheus did attempt, as histories do tell?
Then what is it that love cannot? why, love did pierce the skies:
Why, Pheb and famous Mercury with love had blinded eyes.
But I, a judge, of grounded years, shall reap to me such name,
As shall resound dishonour great with trump of careless fame.
O, that my years were youthful yet, or that I were unwedded!

_Here entereth_ HAPHAZARD.

Why, cease, Sir Knight, for why perhaps of you she shall be bedded:
For follow my counsel, so may you me please,
That of careful resurging your heart shall have ease.

APPIUS. O thundering gods, that threaten ire
And plague for each offence,
Yourselves, I deem, would counsel crave
In this so fit pretence:
And eke your nimble stretched arms
With great rewards would fly,
To purchase fair Virginia,
So dear a wight, to me.
And, friend, I swear by Jupiter,
And eke by Juno’s seat,
And eke by all the mysteries,
Whereon thou canst entreat,
Thou shalt possess and have,
I will thee grant and give,
The greatest part of all my realm,
For aye thee to relieve.

HAPHAZARD. Well then, this is my counsel, thus standeth the case;
Perhaps such a fetch as may please your grace:
There is no more ways,[177] but hap or hap not,
Either hap or else hapless, to knit up the knot:
And if you will hazard to venter what falls,
Perhaps that Haphazard will end all your thralls.

APPIUS. I mean so, I will so, if thou do persuade me,
To hap or to hazard what thing shall invade me?
I King and I Kaiser, I rule and overwhelm;
I do what it please me within this my realm.
Wherefore in thy judgment see that thou do enter:
Hap life or hap death, I surely will venter.

HAPHAZARD. Then this and in this sort standeth the matter:
What need many words, unless I should flatter?
Full many there be will hazard their life,
Happ’ly to ease your grace of all your strife.
Of this kind of conspiracy now let us common.[178]
Some man Virginius before you must summon,
And say that Virginia is none of his daughter,
But that Virginius by night away caught her:
Then charge you the father his daughter to bring;
Then do you detain her, till proved be the thing:
Which well you may win her, she present in house.
It is but haphazard, a man or a mouse.

APPIUS. I find it, I mind it, I swear that I will,
Though shame or defame do happen, no skill.[179]
But out, I am wounded: how am
I divided! [Sidebar: Here let him make as
Two states of my life from me though he went out, and let
are now glided; Conscience and Justice come out
For Conscience he pricketh me after[180] him, and let
contemned, Conscience hold in his hand a
And Justice saith, judgment lamp burning, and let Justice have
would have me condemned: a sword, and hold it before
Conscience saith, cruelty sure Appius’ breast.]
will detest me;
And Justice saith, death in th’ end will molest me:
And both in one sudden me-thinks they do cry,
That fire eternal my soul shall destroy.

HAPHAZARD. Why, these are but thoughts, man: why, fie for shame,
fie!
For Conscience was careless and sailing by seas,
Was drowned in a basket and had a disease,
Sore moved for pity, when he would grant none,
For being hard-hearted was turned to a stone:
And sailing by Sandwich he sank for his sin.
Then care not for conscience the worth of a pin.
And judgment judge[d] Justice to have a reward
For judging still justly, but all now is marr’d;
For gifts they are given where judgment is none.
Thus judgment and justice a wrong way hath gone.
Then care not for Conscience the worth of a fable;
Justice is no man, nor nought to do able.

APPIUS. And sayest thou so, my ’sured friend? then hap as hap shall
it:
Let Conscience grope and judgment crave, I will not shrink one whit.
I will persever in my thought: I will deflower her youth;
I will not sure reverted be, my heart shall have no ruth.
Come on, proceed, and wait on me, I will, hap woe or wealth:
Hap blunt, hap sharp, hap life, hap death: th[r]ough Haphazard be
of health.

HAPHAZARD. At hand (quoth pick-purse) here ready am I.
See well to the cut-purse: be ruled by me.
[_Exeunt._

_Enter_ CONSCIENCE.

CONSCIENCE. O clear unspotted gifts of Jove,
How haps thou art refused?
O Conscience clear, what cruel mind
Thy truth hath thus misused?
I spotted am by wilful will,
By lawless love and lust,
By dreadful danger of the life,
By faith that is unjust,

JUSTICE. Ah gift of Jove, Ah Fortune’s face,
Ah state of steady life!
I Justice am, and prince of peers,
The end of laws and strife:
A guider of the common weal,
A guardian[181] to the poor;
And yet hath filthy lust suppress’d
My virtues in one hour.
Well, well, this is the most to trust,
In end we shall aspire
To see the end of these our foes
With sword and eke with fire.

CONSCIENCE. O help, ye gods, we members require.
[_Exeunt._

_Enter_ HAPHAZARD.

When gain is no grandsire,[182]
And gauds nought set by;
Nor puddings nor pie-meat
Poor knaves will come nigh,
Then hap and Haphazard
Shall have a new coat.
And so it may happen
To cut covetousness’ throat.
Yea, then shall Judge Appius
Virginia obtain,
And geese shall crack mussels
Perhaps in the rain:
Larks shall be leverets,
And skip to and fro;
And churls shall be cods-heads,
Perhaps and also.
But peace, for man’s body!
Haphazard be mum!
Fie, prattling noddy,
Judge Appius is come.

_Here entereth_ JUDGE APPIUS _and_ CLAUDIUS.

The furies fell of Limbo lake
My princely days do short:
All drown’d in deadly ways I live,
That once did joy in sport.
I live and languish in my life,
As doth the wounded deer.
I thirst, I crave, I call and cry.
And yet am nought the near:[183]
And yet I have that me so match
Within the realm of mine:
But (Tantalus amids my care)
I hunger--starve, and pine.
As Sisyphus, I roll the stone
In vain to top of hill,
That ever more uncertainly
Revolving slideth still.
O, if to her ’twere as to me,[184]
What labours would I fly,
What raging seas would I not plough
To her commodity?
But out alas, I doubt it sore,
Lest drowsy Morpheus[185]
His slumb’ry kingdoms planted hath
With dews unbeauteous.[186]
O gods above that rule the skies:
Ye babes that brag in bliss:
Ye goddesses, ye Graces, you,
What burning brunt is this?
Bend down your ire, destroy me quick.
Or else to grant me grace,
No more, but that my burning breast
Virginia may embrace.[187]
If case your ears be dead and deaf,
The fiend and spirits below,
You careless carls of Limbo lake,
Your forced mights do show.
Thou caitif king of darksome dens,
Thou Pluto, plagued knave,
Send forth thy sacred vengeance straight,
Consume them to the grave,
That will not aid my case--

CLAUDIUS. Content, and if it like your grace,
I will attempt the deed:
I summon will Virginius
Before your seat with speed.

HAPHAZARD.Do so, my lord: be you not afraid,
And so you may happen to hazard the maid:
It is but in hazard and may come by hap:
Win her or lose her, try you the trap.

APPIUS. By the gods, I consent to thee, Claudius, now;
Prepare thee in haste Virginius unto.
Charge him, command him, upon his allegiance,
With all kind of speed to yield his obeisance,
Before my seat in my consistory,
_Subpœnâ_ of land, life and treasury.
No let, no stay, nor ought perturbance
Shall cause me to omit the furtherance
Of this my weighty charge.
[_Here let_ CLAUDIUS _go out with_ HAPHAZARD.

APPIUS. Well, now I range at large my will for to express;
For look, how Tarquin Lucrece fair by force did once oppress,
Even so will I Virginia use.

[_Here let_ CONSCIENCE _speak within_.
Judge Appius, prince, O stay, refuse;
Be ruled by thy friend!
What bloody death with open shame
Did Tarquin gain in end?

APPIUS. Whence does this pinching sound descend?

CONSCIENCE. From contrite Conscience, pricked on
By member of thy life,
Inforced for to cry and call,
And all to end our strife.

APPIUS. Who art thou then? declare; be brief!

CONSCIENCE. Not flesh nor filthy lust I am,
But secret Conscience I,
Compell’d to cry with trembling soul,
At point near-hand to die.

APPIUS. Why, no disease hath me approach’d, no grief doth make me
grudge,
But want of fair Virginia, whose beauty is my judge:
By her I live, by her I die, for her I joy or woe,
For her my soul doth sink or swim, for her I swear I go.

CONSCIENCE. Ah gods, what wits doth reign! and yet to you unknowen,
I die the death, and soul doth sink this filthy flesh hath sowen.

APPIUS. I force it not; I will attempt: I stay for Claudius here;
Yet will I go to meet with him, to know what news and cheer.

_Here entereth_ HAPHAZARD.

Haste for a hangman in hazard of hemp:
Run for a ridduck, there is no such imp.
Claudius is knocking with hammer and stone
At Virginius’ gate, as hard as he can lay on.
By the gods, my masters, Haphazard is hardy,
For he will run rashly, be they never so many:
Yea, he will sing sow’s snout, and snap with the best.
But peace! who comes yonder, that jolly good guest?

_Here enter with a song._[188]

_When men will seem misdoubtfully
Without an why to call and cry,
And fearing with temerity its jeopardy of liberty,
We wish him to take to cheer his heart Haphazard,
Bold [as] blind bayard.
A fig for his uncourtesy
That seeks to shun good company._

MANSIPULUS. _What if case that cruelty should bustle me and jostle me,_
_And Holywand should tickle me for keeping of good company,
I’ll follow, by my honesty, hap Haphazard, bold [as] blind bayard.
A fig for his uncourtesy that seeks to shun good company._

_All sing this._

_When men will seem misdoubtfully
Without an why to call and cry, &c._

MANSIPULA. _Never was that mistress so furious nor curious,
Nor yet her blows so boisterous, nor roisterous, nor dolorous,
But sure I would venture,[189] hap Haphazard, bold [as] blind bayard.
A fig for his uncourtesy that seeks to shun good company._

_All sing this._

_When men will seem misdoubtfully
Without an why to call and cry, &c._

HAPHAZARD. _Then wend ye on and follow me, Mansipula, Mansipula,
Let croping cares be cast away, come follow me, come follow me.
Subservus is a jolly lout, brace Haphazard, bold [as] blind bayard.
A fig for his uncourtesy that seeks to shun good company._

_All sing this._

_When men will seem misdoubtfully
Without an why to call and cry, &c._
[_The end of the song._

_Here_ HAPHAZARD _speaketh_.

Ay, by the gods, my masters, I told you plain,
Who companies with me will desire me again.
But how did ye speed, I pray ye show me?
Was all well agreed? did nobody blow ye?

MANSIPULUS. Mass, sir, hap did so happen, that my lord and master
Stayed in beholding and viewing the pasture,
Which when I perceived, what excuse did I make?
I came in the crossway on the nearside the Forlake,
Hard by Hodge’s half acre, at Gaffer Miller’s stile,
The next way round about, by the space of a mile.
And at Simkin’s side-ridge my lord stood talking,
And angerly to me quoth he, Where hast thou been walking?
Without any staggering, I had ready my lie:
Out at bridge-meadow and at Benol’s lease (quoth I).
Your fatlings are feeding well, sir, the gods be praised,
A goodly loume of beef on them is already raised.
Then out steps Francis Fabulator, that was never my friend:
How pass’d you Carter’s hay-rick at Long Meadow end?
There might one (quoth he) within this few days
With a cast-net had given four knaves great essays,
Under the hedge with a pair of new cards both rip and fledge.
Is it true? quoth my Lord: will this gear never be left?
This causes swearing and staring, prowling and theft.
Well (quoth my lord) take heed, lest I find it,
And so pass’d his way, and did no more mind it.

HAPHAZARD. By the gods, that was sport, yea, and sport alone.

MANSIPULA. Yea; but I was in a worse case, by Saint John.
My lady in church was set full devout,
And hearing my coming she turned about;
But as soon as I heard her snappishly sound,
In this sort I crouched me down to the ground,
And mannerly made,[190] as though I were sad.[191]
As soon as the pew then strawed I had,
She gave me a wink and frowardly frown,
Whereby I do judge she would cudgel my gown.
Then I did devise a pretty fine prank,
A mean whereby to pick me a thank,
Of Margery Mildon, the maid of the milk-house,
And Stainer the stutter,[192] the guid[193] of the storehouse.
Then was my lady’s anger well gone,
And will be so still, and the truth be not known.

HAPHAZARD. By ’r Lady barefoot, this bakes trimly.

SUBSERVUS. Nay, but I escaped more finely;
For I under this hedge one while did stay.
Then in this bush, then in that way:
Then slip I behind them among all the rest,
And seemed to commune, too, of things with the best:
But so it did happen, that all things were well,
But hazard it is, lest time will truth tell.

HAPHAZARD. Tut, tut, that was but by hap, and if it be so:
Well, sith it was in hazard, then let it go.

SUBSERVUS. Content, by my honesty: then farewell all woe.

MANSIPULUS. Come out, dog, ye speak happily, of truth, if it be so.

ALL SPEAK. Now, Master Haphazard, fare you well for a season.

HAPHAZARD. Let my counsel at no time with you lie geason.[194]

ALL SPEAKETH. No, by the gods, he sure not so.

HAPHAZARD. Well, sith here is no company, have with ye to Jericho.
[_Exit_.

_Enter_ VIRGINIUS.

What! so the gods they have decreed to work and do by me?
I marvel why Judge Appius he such greetings lets me see:
I served have his seat and state, I have maintained his weal,
I have suppress’d the rebels stout, I bear to him such zeal;
And now he sends to me such charge upon my life and lands
Without demur or further pause, or ere ought thing[195] be scann’d,
That I in haste with posting speed to court I do repair,
To answer that alleged is before his judgment-chair.
Some histories they do express, when such mishaps do fall,
They should have taken many a one; I have not one but all.
My jewels sometime precious do fade and bear no hue,
My senses they do shun their course, my lights do burn as blue;
My willing wits[196] are waxed slow, that once were swift in speed;
My heart it throbs in wonderous sort, my nose doth often bleed:
My dreadful dreams do draw my woe, and hateful hazard hale.[197]
These tokens of evil hap, this is the old wive’s tale.
But yet, O thou Virginius, whose hoary hairs are old,
Did’st treason never yet commit, of this thou may’st be bold.
In Mars his games, in martial feats thou wast his only aid.
The huge Charibd his hazards[198] thou for him hast[199] oft
assail’d:
Was Scylla’s force by thee oft shunn’d, or yet Lady Circe’s[200]
land,
Pasiphae’s[201] child, the[202] Minotaur, did cause thee ever stand?
To pleasure him, to serve thy liege,[203] to keep all things
upright,
Thou God above, then what is it that yieldeth me this spite?
Sith nothing needs misdoubted be, where grounded cause is none,
I enter will Judge Appius’ gate, rejecting care and moan.
But stay, Virginius: lo, thy prince doth enter into place,
O sovereign lord and rightful judge, the gods do save thy grace.

_Here entereth_ JUDGE APPIUS _and_ CLAUDIUS.

With tender heart, Virginius, thou welcome art to me.
I sorry am to utter out the things I hear of thee;
For Claudius, a subject here, a man of mickle fame,
Appealeth thee before my court in deed of open shame.
And though indeed I love thee so as thy deserts desire,
Yet not so but I must judgment give, as justice doth require.

VIRGINIUS. My lord, and reason good it is: your servant doth request
No partial hand to aid his cause, no partial mind or breast.
If ought I have offended you, your court or eke your crown,
From lofty top of turret high precipitate me down.
If treason none by me be done, or any fault committed.
Let my accusers bear the blame, and let me be remitted.

APPIUS. Good reason, too, Virginius. Come, Claudius, show thy mind:
Let justice hear, if judgment may Virginius guilty find.

CLAUDIUS. Thou sovereign lord and rightful judge, this[204] standeth
now the case.
In tender youth, not long agone, near sixteen years of space,
Virginius a thrall of mine, a child and infant young,
From me did take by subtle means, and keeps by arm full strong:
And here before your grace I crave, that justice be extended,
That I may have my thrall again, and faults may be amended.

VIRGINIUS. Ah gods, that guide the globe above, what forged tales I
hear!
O Judge Appius, bend your ears, while this my crime I clear.
She is my child, and of my wife her tender corpse did spring:
Let all the country where I dwell bear witness of the thing.

[APPIUS _and_ CLAUDIUS _go forth, but_
APPIUS _speaketh this_.

Nay, by the gods, not so, my friend, I do not so decree:
I charge thee here in pain of death thou bring the maid to me.
In chamber close, in prison sound, she secret shall abide,
And no kind of wight shall talk with her, until the truth be tried.
This do I charge, this I command: in pain of death, let see,
Without any let that she be brought as prisoner unto me.
[_Exit_.
[_Here let Virginius go about the scaffold._

Ah fickle fall, unhappy doom, O most uncertain fate,[205]
That ever chance so churlishly, that never stay’d in state.
What judge is this? what cruel wretch? what faith doth Claudius find?
The gods do recompense with shame his false and faithless mind!
Well, home I must, no remedy; where shall my soaking tears.
Augment my woes, decrease my joys, while death do rid my fears.

_Here entereth_ RUMOUR.

Come, Ventus, come: blow forth thy blast:
Prince Eol, listen well:
The filthiest fact that ever was
I, Rumour, now shall tell.
You gods, bend down to hear my cry,
Revengement duly show,
Thy Rumour craves, bid[206] Claudius stay,[207]
And bring Judge Appius low.
That wicked man, that fleshly judge,
Hath hired Claudius
To claim a child, the only heir
Of old Virginius:
A virgin pure, a queen in life,
Whose state may be deplored;
For why the queen of chaste life
Is like to be deflow’red
By false Judge Appius, cruel wretch,
Who straitly hath commanded,
That she to keeping his be brought:
Prince Pluto this demanded.
To skies I fly, to blaze abroad
The tromp of deep defame.
Revenge, you gods, this Rumour craves,
This blood and bloody shame.
Have through the air! give place, you airs,
This is my duty done.
The gods confound such lecherers!
Lo, Rumour, this I run.

VIRGINIUS. O man, O mould, O muck, O clay! O hell, O hellish hound,
O false Judge Appius, rabbling[208] wretch, is this thy treason
found?
Woe worth the man that gave the seed, whereby ye first did spring!
Woe worth the womb that bare the babe to mean this bloody thing!
Woe worth the paps that gave thee suck, woe worth the fosters eke:
Woe worth all such as ever did thy health or liking seek!
O, that these gravèd hairs[209] of mine were covered in the clay!

_Here entereth_ VIRGINIA.

Let patience, dear father mine, your rigour something stay:
Why do you wail in such a sort? why do you weep and moan?

VIRGINIUS. O daughter dear and only heir, my life is near begone,
And all for love of thee.

VIRGINIA. Ah, gods, how may this be?
Dear father, do withdraw your dread, and let me know the cause:
Myself will aid with life or death without demur or pause.
Then tender your child that craveth this bound.[210]

VIRGINIUS. O, hearken, dear daughter, attend thou my sound.
Judge Appius, prick’d forth with filthy desire,
Thy person as leman doth greatly require;
And no kind of entreaty, no fear, nor no shame,
Will he hear alleged, defending[211] the same.
And straight without staying, in pain of my death,
I must bring thee thither. Wherefore stop my breath.
O sisters; I search, I seek, and I crave
No more at your hands but death for to have,
Rather than see my daughter deflow’red,
Or else in ill sort so wildly devour’d.

VIRGINIA. O father, O friendship, O fatherly favour,
Whose dulcet words so sweetly do savour,
On knees I beseech thee to grant my request,
In all things according as liketh thee best.
Thou knowest, O my father, if I be once spotted,
My name and my kindred then forth will be blotted:
And if thou, my father, should die for my cause,
The world would accompt me guilty in cause.
Then rather, dear father, if it be thy pleasure,
Grant me the death; then keep I my treasure,
My lamp, my light, my life undefiled,
And so may Judge Appius of [my] flesh be beguiled.
This upon my knees with humble behest,
Grant me, O father, my instant request.

VIRGINIUS. Then rise up, my daughter: my answer do note
From mouth of thy father, whose eyes do now float.
O daughter, O dear, O darling, O dame,
Dispatch me, I pray thee, regard not my name:
But yet as thou sayest, sith remedy none,
But leman thou must be, if I were gone,
And better it is to die with good fame,
Than longer to live to reap us but shame:
But if thou do die no doubt is at all,
But presently after myself follow shall,
Then end without shame, so let us persever,
With trump of good fame, so die shall we never.
[_Virginia here kneeleth._
Then, tender arms, complect the neck: do dry thy father’s tears,
You nimble hands, for woe whereof my loving heart it wears.

VIRGINIA. O father mine, refrain no whit your sharped knife to take
From gilded[212] sheath my shame to end, and body dead to make.
Let not the shameless bloody judge defile my virgin’s life;
Do take my head, and send it him upon your bloody knife:
Bid him imbrue his bloody hands in guiltless blood of me:
I virgin die, he lecher lives; he was my end, you see.
No more delays--lo, kiss me first, then stretch your strongest arm:
Do rid my woe, increase my joy, do ease your child of harm.

VIRGINIUS. O weary wits of woe or wealth, O feeble aged man,
How can thy arm give such a blow! thy death I wish thee then!
But sith that shame with endless trump will sound, if case thy joy
By[213] means of false Judge Appius be, myself will thee destroy.
Forgive me, babe, this bloody deed, and meekly take thy end.
[_Here let him proffer a blow_.

VIRGINIA. The gods forgive thee, father dear! farewell, thy blow do
bend.
Yet stay a while, O father dear, for flesh to death is frail:
Let first my wimple bind my eyes, and then thy blow assail.
Now, father, work thy will on me, that life I may enjoy.
[_Here tie a handkercher about her eyes, and
then strike off her head._
Now stretch thy hand, Virginius, that loth would flesh destroy.
O cruel hands, O[214] bloody knife, O man, what hast thou done?
Thy daughter dear and only heir her vital end hath won.
Come, fatal blade, make like despatch: come, Atropos: come, aid![215]
Strike home, thou careless arm, with speed; of death be not afraid.

_Here entereth_ COMFORT.

O noble knight, Virginius, do stay, be not dismay’d:
I, curing Comfort, present am, your dolor [for] to aid.

VIRGINIUS. Sith joy is gone, sith life is dead,
What comfort can there be?
No more! there is but deep despair,
And deadly death to me.

COMFORT. No more, Sir Knight, but take the head, and wend a while
with me:
It shall be sent to court, for that Judge Appius may it see.
In recompense of lecher’s lust this present let him have,
And stay your corpse for certain space in coping from the grave:
So shall you see the end of him and all his whole concent.[216]
This will be comfort to your heart: Virginius, be content.

VIRGINIUS. Of truth, even so, for comfort else I know right well is
none,
Wherefore I do consent with you: come on, let us be gone.
But messenger myself will be, myself will give the gift.
Come on, good Comfort, wend we then; there is no other shift.
[_Exeunt._

_Here entereth_ JUDGE APPIUS.

Well, hap as hap can, hap or no,
In hazard it is, but let that go.
I will, what so happen, pursue on still:
Why, none there is living can let me my will.
I will have Virginia; I will her deflow’r,
Else rigorous sword her heart shall devour.

_Here entereth_ HAPHAZARD.

I came from Caleco even the same hour,
And Hap was hired to hackney in hempstrid:
In hazard he was of riding on beamstrid.
Then, crow crop on tree-top, hoist up the sail,
Then groaned their necks by the weight of their tail:
Then did Carnifex put these three together,
Paid them their passport for clust’ring thither.

APPIUS. Why, how now, Haphazard, of what dost thou speak?
Methinks in mad sort thy talk thou dost break.
Those three words, chop all in one,
Is Carnifex: that signifieth hangman.
Peace! no such words before me do utter.

HAPHAZARD. Nay, I lie as still as a cat in a gutter.
Go to, Judge Appius; go forward, good prince:
Perhaps ye may have that the which will not blince.

APPIUS. What is the man that liveth now so near to door of death,
As I for lust of lady fair, whose lack will stop my breath?
But long I shall not want her sight, I stay her coming here.
O lucky light! lo, present here her father doth appear.
O, how I joy! yet brag thou not; dame beauty bides behind.
Virginius, where is the maid? how haps thou break my mind?

_Here entereth_ VIRGINIUS [_bearing Virginia’s head_.]

Ah wicked judge, the virgin chaste
Hath sent her beauteous face,
In recompense of lecher gain,
To thee, so void of grace.
She bids thee imbrue thy bloody hands
And filthy lecherous mind
With Venus’ damsels, void of shame,
Where such thou haps to find.
But thou as with Diana’s imps
Shalt never be acquainted:
They rather wish the naked knife
Than virgin’s life attainted.
And in[217] just proof whereof
Behold Virginia’s head:
She sought her fame, thou sought her shame:
This arm hath smit her dead.

APPIUS. O curst and cruel cankered churl, O carl unnatural;
Which hast the seed of thine own loin[218] thrust forth to funeral!
Ye gods, bend down your ire, do plague him for his deed,
You sprites below, you hellish hounds, do give him gall for meed.
Myself will see his latter end; I judge him to the death.
Like death that fair Virginia took, the like shall stop his breath;
The flashy[219] fiends of Limbo lake his ghost do so turmoil,
That he have need of Charon’s help for all his filthy toil.
Come, Justice, then; come on, Reward; come, aid me in my need.
Thou wicked knight, shalt slaughtered[220] be with self-same knife
with speed.

VIRGINIUS. Sith she a virgin pure and chaste in heaven leads her
life,
Content I am to die with her, and die upon her knife.

APPIUS. Come, Justice, then: come on, Reward, when Judgment now doth
call.

_Here entereth_ JUSTICE _and_ REWARD, _and they both speak this_.

We both are ready here at hand to work thy fatal fall.

JUSTICE [_speaketh_]. O gorgon judge, what lawless life hast thou
most wicked led!
Thy soaking sin hath sunk thy soul, thy virtues all are fled.
Thou chaste and undefiled life did seek for to have spotted,
And thy reward is ready here, by Justice now allotted.

REWARD. Thy just reward is deadly death; wherefore come, wend away:
To death I straight will do thy corpse; then lust shall have his prey.
Virginius, thou woful knight, come near and take thy foe.
In prison [do] thou make him fast: no more let him do so.
Let Claudius for tyranny be hanged on a tree.

VIRGINIUS. Ah, right Reward: the gods be bless’d, this day I chance
to see!

_Enter_ HAPHAZARD.

HAPHAZARD. Why, how now, my lord Appius, what cheer?
Why, where is my reward for this gear?
Why did I ride, run, and revel,
And for all my jaunting now made a javel?
Why--run, sir knave, call me Claudius?
Then--run with a vengeance, watch Virginius:
Then--ride, sirrah; is Virginia at church?
Then--gallop to see where her father doth lurch.
Then--up, sirrah; now what counsel?
Of dame beauty what news canst thou tell?
Thus in hurly burly, from pillar to post,
Poor Haphazard daily was toss’d;
And now with Virginius he goes sadly walking,
And nothing at all will listen my talking:
But shall I be so used at his hands?
As lief I were near in Limbo bands.
That dronel, that drousy drakenosed drivel,
He never learned his manners in Siville.[221]
A judge may cause a gentleman--a gentleman? nay, a jack-herring,
As honest as he that carries his hose on his neck for fear of
wearing.
A caitiff, a cut-throat, a churl worthy blame.
I will serve him no longer, the devil give him shame!
Yet, by the mouse-foot, I am not content,
I will have a reward, sure, else will I repent.
To master Reward I straightways will go:
The worst that can hap is but a no.
But sure I know his honesty is such,
That he will recompense me with little or much:
And well this proverb cometh in my head,
By ’r lady, half a loaf is better than ne’er a whit of bread.
Therefore hap and be happy,[222] hap that hap may,
I will put it in hazard, I[’ll] give it assay.
All hail, Master Reward and righteous Justice:
I beseech you let me be recompensed too, according to my service;
For why all this long time I have lived in hope.

REWARD. Then for thy reward, then, here is a rope.

HAPHAZARD. Nay, soft, my masters: by Saint Thomas of Trunions,
I am not disposed to buy of your onions.
A rope? (quoth you) away with that showing!
It would grieve a man having two ploughs going.
Nay, stay, I pray you, and let the cat wink:
It is naught in dry summer for-letting my drink.[223]

JUSTICE. Let or let not, there is no remedy: hanging shall be thy
reward verily.

HAPHAZARD. Is there nothing but hanging to my lot doth fall?
Then take you my reward; much good do it you withal.
I am not so hasty, although I be claiming,
But that I can afford you the most of my gaining.
I will set, let, grant, yield, permit and promise
All the revenues to you of my service.
I am friendly, I am kindly, I proffer you fair:
You shall be my full executor and heir.

REWARD. Nay, make you ready first to die, by the rood,
Then we will dispose it, as we think good:
Then those that with you to this did consent,
The like reward shall cause them repent.

JUSTICE. Nay, stay a while, Virginius is coming.
Nay, soft, Haphazard, you are not so cunning,
Thus to escape without punishment.
[HAPHAZARD _presses to go forth, but is
forced to stay_.][224]

REWARD. No, certes, it is not so expedient.

_Here entereth_ VIRGINIUS.

O noble Justice, duty done, behold I come again,
To show you that Appius he himself hath lewdly slain.
As soon as he in prison was enclosed out of sight,
He desperate for bloody deed did sle himself outright;
And Claudius doth mercy crave, who did the deed for fear.
Vouchsafe, O judge, to save his life, though country he forbear.

JUSTICE. We grant him grace at thy request, but banish him the land.
And see that death be done outright on him that here doth stand.

HAPHAZARD. Nay, Master Virginius, [_Take him by the hand._[225]] I
crave not for service the thing worth ought:
Hanging, quoth you? it is the last end of my thought.
Fie for shame, fie--stay, by my father’s soul,
Why, this is like to Tom Turner’s dole:
Hang one man and save all the rest!
Take part one with another: plain dealing is best.

REWARD. This is our dealing; thus deal we with thee.
Take him hence, Virginius; go, truss him to a tree.

HAPHAZARD. Shall ye,[226] in a rope’s name? whither away with me?

VIRGINIUS. Come, wend thou in haste thy death for to take,
To the hangman I will lead thee, a quick despatch to make.

HAPHAZARD. Must I needs hang? by the gods, it doth spite me
To think how crabbedly this silk lace will bite me.
Then come, cousin Cutpurse, come, run, haste and follow me:
Haphazard must hang; come, follow the livery.
[_Exit_.

JUSTICE.. Well, wend we now: the final end of fleshly lust we see.

REWARD. Content: Reward is ready bent with Justice to agree.

_Here entereth_ FAME [_with_ DOCTRINA _and_ MEMORY
_bearing a tomb, also_ VIRGINIUS].[227]

O stay, you noble Justice, stay! Reward, do make no haste.
We ladies three have brought the corse, in earth that must be
placed.
We have brought back Virginius the funeral to see.
I grant him that the learned pen shall have the aid of me,
To write in learned verse the honour of her name.

FAME. And eke it shall resound by trump of me Dame Fame.

[_Here let_ MEMORY _write on the tomb_.

I Memory will mind her life: her death shall ever reign
Within the mouth and mind of man, from age to age again.

JUSTICE. And Justice, sure, will aid all those that imitate her life.

REWARD. And I Reward will punish those that move such dames to strife.

FAME. Then sing we round about the tomb, in honour of her name.

REWARD. Content we are with willing mind to sing with sound of Fame.

THE EPILOGUE.

As earthly life is granted none for evermore to reign,
But denting death will cause them all to grant this world as vain;
Right worshipful, sith sure it is that mortal life must vade,
Do practise then to win his love, that all in all hath made.
And by this poet’s feigning here example do you take
Of Virginia’s life of chastity, of duty to thy make;
Of love to wife, of love to spouse, of love to husband dear,
Of bringing up of tender youth: all these are noted here.
I doubt it not, right worshipful, but well you do conceive
The matter that is ended now, and thus I take my leave:
Beseeching God, as duty is, our gracious Queen to save
The nobles and the commons eke, with prosperous life, I crave!

FINIS.

[150] This list is inserted in the centre of the title
page of the old copy. [The title runs as follows: “A
new Tragicall Comedie of Apius and Virginia. Wherein is
liuely expressed a rare example of the vertue of
Chastitie by Virginias Constancy in wishing rather to
be slaine at her owne Fathers handes, then to be
dishonored of the wicked Iudge Apius. By R. B. The
players’ names (as above). Imprinted at London by
William How for Richard Ihones. 1575.”]

[151] It was well to reprint this singular production,
if only to rescue it from the ravages of time. The old
copy has received damage, and is fast decaying: the
beginnings of the nine following lines have crumbled
away, but it has not been difficult to restore the
words, or parts of words lost.

[152] [These Latin lines are full of false grammar,
sense, and quantities, of which some are beyond
conjecture.]

[153] [Old copy has _like_.]

[154] [Old copy, _infected_.]

[155] [Old copy, _detected_.]

[156] [Old copy, _Thy sufferent_.]

[157] [Old copy, _feare_.]

[158] The old copy gives this line to Virginius.

[159] [_i.e._, The earth. Old copy, _Glope_.]

[160] [Old copy gives this line to Virginia.]

[161] [Old copy has _keyser to, ber_.]

[162] [In the old copy this line runs thus--

“I babe, and I blisse, your health am againe.”]

[163] In the old copy the word _earth_ is repeated.

[164] [Old copy, _When_.]

[165] The old copy reads “to _nurtue_ to be brought,”
but it is probably a misprint.

[166] [Old copy, _Exit_, but all three leave the stage.]

[167] [The ordinary proverb runs, “Who _sups_,” &c.]

[168] [A sleepy-head or a stupid.]

[169] [For the future.]

[170] This allusion to the _sweat_, a word anciently
used as synonymous with the _plague_, seems to fix the
date, when “Appius and Virginia” was written, in 1563:
according to Camden’s Annals, there was then “a raging
plague in London.”

[171] [Old copy, _Bayberry_.]

[172] [Strown.]

[173] [Knowledge, perception.]

[174] [If the case be that.]

[175] [Old copy, _coy strange_.]

[176] [Old copy, _he_.]

[177] [Old copy, _wages_.]

[178] [_i.e._, Commune.]

[179] No matter.

[180] [Old copy, _of_.]

[181] [Old copy, _gwerdon_.]

[182] [It at first appeared as if _gransier_, the
reading of the old copy, was an error or corruption for
_gain, sir_, but possibly the word is used in the sense
of _great_.]

[183] [The nearer.]

[184] [Old copy, _as if to her it were to me_.]

[185] [To be pronounced as a trisyllable here.]

[186] [Old copy, _Graunted ... With dewes and
bewteous_. It is conceivable that _beauteous_ may be
misprinted for _beauty’s use_, and the meaning of the
passage may then be, that Virginia had forgotten him
(Appius), or, in the words of the writer, “That drowsy
Morpheus has granted his slumb’ry kingdom _to beauty’s
use_?”]

[187] [Old copy, _imbace_.]

[188] Mansipulus, Mansipula, and Subservus enter, but
their names are omitted.

[189] [Old copy, _venterous_.]

[190] [Old copy, _maude_.]

[191] [Serious.]

[192] [Stutterer.]

[193] [Query, _guide_, _carter_.]

[194] [_Scarce_.]

[195] [Old copy, _things_.]

[196] [Old copy, _wights_.]

[197] [See Halliwell in _v. Hale._]

[198] [The dangers of Charybdis.]

[199] [Old copy, _was_.]

[200] [Old copy, _Adrice_.]

[201] [Old copy, _Laceface_.]

[202] [Old copy, _that_.]

[203] [Old copy, _leach_.]

[204] [Thus.]

[205] [Old copy, _faul ... rate_.]

[206] [Old copy, _did_.]

[207] [Old copy, _lay_.]

[208] [Intriguing, insinuating.]

[209] [Vexed or troubled hairs. Old copy, _the graued yeares_.]

[210] [Boon.]

[211] Opposing, preventing.

[212] [Old copy, _giltes_.]

[213] [Old copy, _thou joy, My meanes_.]

[214] [Old copy, _or_.]

[215] [Old copy, _end_.]

[216] [Old copy, _consent_. _Concent_ here must be
understood to signify _following_ or _adherents_.]

[217] [Old copy, _In end_.]

[218] [Old copy, _lym_.]

[219] [Old copy, _flasky_. Perhaps even _flashy_ may
not be the true word. See Nares, 1859, in _v._ Could
the author have written _dusky_?]

[220] [Old copy, _shal slaughter_.]

[221] [_Seville_. So for the sake of the _jeu de mot_.]

[222] [Old copy, _happely_]

[223] [Old copy, _naught ... for letting_--the meaning
being apparently “It is too bad of you to stop my drink
in this dry weather by hanging me.”]

[224] [Old copy, _Prece to go foorth_.]

[225] The words “take him by the hand” [in the old copy
form part of the text].

[226] [Old copy, _ye shall_.]

[227] [This stage direction, in the old copy, is
divided into two portions, but all appear to enter
together. The old copy reads also, as if it was
Virginius who brought in the tomb; but surely it is
Doctrina and Memory who do so.]

CAMBYSES.

_EDITIONS._

_A lamentable tragedy mixed ful of pleasant mirth, conteyning the life of Cambises King of Percia, from the beginning of his kingdom vnto his death, his one good deed of execution, after that many wicked deeds and tirannous murders, committed by and through him, and last of all his odious death by Gods Iustice appointed, in such order as followeth. By Thomas Preston._

THE DIVISION OF THE PARTS.

COUNSEL, }
HUFF, }
PRAXASPES, } _For one man._
MURDER, }
LOB, }
THE THIRD LORD. }

LORD, }
RUFF, }
COMMON’S CRY, } _For one man._
COMMON’S COMPLAINT, }
LORD SMIRDIS, }
VENUS. }

KNIGHT, }
SNUFF, }
SMALL HABILITY, }
PROOF, } _For one man._
EXECUTION, }
ATTENDANCE, }
SECOND LORD. }

CAMBYSES, } _For one man._
EPILOGUS. }

PROLOGUE, }
SISAMNES, }
DILIGENCE, }
CRUELTY, } _For one man._
HOB, }
PREPARATION, }
THE FIRST LORD. }

AMBIDEXTER, } _For one man._
TRIAL. }

MERETRIX, }
SHAME, }
OTIAN, } _For one man._
MOTHER, }
LADY, }
QUEEN. }

YOUNG CHILD, } _For one man._
CUPID. }

[Col.] Imprinted at London by John Allde. 4o. Black letter.

A Lamentable Tragedie, &c. [Col.] Imprinted at London by Edward Allde. 4o. Black letter.

HAWKINS’S PREFACE.

This is the play that Shakespeare is supposed to allude to, when he introduces Falstaff speaking in King Cambyses’ vein, in the “First Part of King Henry the Fourth.”[228] It was written early in the reign of Elizabeth (according to some in 1561), by Thomas Preston, M.A., Fellow of King’s College, and afterwards L.D. and Master of Trinity Hall, in Cambridge. He performed so admirably well in the tragedy of Dido, before Queen Elizabeth, when she was entertained in that university in 1564; and did so genteelly and gracefully dispute before her, that she gave him £20 per annum for so doing. See Thomas Hatcher, or his continuator, in the catalogue of provosts, fellows, and scholars of King’s College--MS. under the year 1560 (Oldys’ MSS. Notes on Langbaine).

The play is here given from a black-letter copy in Mr Garrick’s collection, printed by John Allde. [There is a second edition from the press of his son and successor Edward Allde; both are undated.[229]] The prologue and great part of “Cambyses” was written by the author in long Alexandrines, which the narrowness of the page rendered it necessary here to subdivide.

The prevailing turn for drollery and comic humour was at first so strong, that in order to gratify it even in more serious and solemn scenes, it was necessary still to retain the Vice or artful Buffoon, who (like his contemporary the privileged Fool in the courts of princes and castles of great men) was wont to enter into the most stately assemblies and vent his humour without restraint. We have a specimen of this character in the play of “Cambyses,” where Ambidexter, who is expressly called the Vice, enters “with an old capcase for a helmet and a skimmer for his sword,” in order, as the author expresses it, “to make pastime.”[230]

[Besides his play of “Cambyses,” Preston wrote and published two ballads,[231] of which Hazlitt gives the full titles, and perhaps other things lost or unrecovered. The best parts of “Cambyses” are the comic scenes, or those portions of the dialogue which are spoken by Ambidexter; these seem to indicate that Preston would have been more successful if he had avoided the tragic vein altogether; but his language is harsh and unpolished even for the time, as if the play had been written some years before it appeared in type. Yet this is scarcely probable, from the allusion to Bishop Bonner towards the conclusion.

With the admirable comedy of “Ralph Roister Doister” before their eyes, it might seem strange that later writers should have relapsed into comparative barbarism, if we had not abundant evidence of such degeneracy in every period of the history of our dramatic literature, including that which followed the publication of the unrivalled works of Shakespeare himself.]

_The_ PROLOGUE _entereth_.