Chapter XXI: Act VI: Scene Last (5)

JUDGE. O Conscience, shall cankered coin corrupt thy heart? Or shall want in this world cause thee to feel everlasting smart? O Conscience, what a small time thou hast on earth to live: Why dost thou not, then, to God all honour give? Considering the time is everlasting that thou shalt live in bliss, If by thy life thou rise from death to judgment, mercy, and forgiveness.

_Enter_ LOVE _with_ DILIGENCE.

Stand aside, Conscience. Bring Love to the bar. What sayest thou to thy deformity: who was the cause.

LOVE. Lady Lucre----

JUDGE. Did Lucre choke thee so, that thou gavest thyself over unto Lust? And did prodigal expenses cause thee in Dissimulation to trust? Thou wast pure (Love), and art thou become a monster, Bolstering thyself upon the lasciviousness of Lucre? Love, answer for thyself: speak in thy defence.

LOVE. I cannot choose but yield, confounded by Conscience.

JUDGE. Then judgment I pronounce on thee, because thou followed Lucre, Whereby thou hast sold thy soul, to feel like torment with her Which torments comprehended are in the worm of Conscience, Who raging still shall ne'er have end, a plague for thine offence. Care shall be thy comfort, and sorrow thy life sustain, Thou shalt be dying, yet never dead, but pining still in endless pain. Diligence, convey her to Lucre: let that be her reward. Because unto her cankered coin she gave her whole regard. But as for Conscience, carry her to prison, There to remain until the day of the general session. Thus we make an end-- Knowing that the best of us all may amend: Which God grant to his goodwill and pleasure, That we be not corrupted with the unsatiate desire of vanishing earthly treasure; For covetousness is the cause of 'resting man's conscience: Therefore restrain thy lust, and thou shalt shun the offence.

FINIS.

THE THREE LORDS & THREE LADIES OF LONDON

_EDITION

The pleasant and Stately Morall of the three Lordes and three Ladies of London. With the great Joy and Pompe, Solemnized at their Mariages: Commically interlaced with much honest Mirth, for pleasure and recreation, among many Morall observations, and other important matters of due Regard. By R.W. London, Printed by R. Thones, at the Rose and Crowne neere Holburne Bridge_. 1590. 4to. Black letter. With an engraving on the title.

_Enter, for the Preface, a Lady very richly attired,
representing London, having two Angels before her,
and two after her, with bright rapiers in their hands_.

LONDON _speaketh_.

Lo, gentles, thus the Lord doth London guard, Not for my sake, but for his own delight; For all in vain the sentinels watch and ward, Except he keep the city day and night. Now may my foes in vain both spurn and spite, My foes, I mean, that London represent, Guarded from heaven by angels excellent.

This blessing is not my sole benefit: All England is, and so preserv'd hath been, Not by man's strength, his policy and wit. But by a power and Providence unseen; Even for the love wherewith God loves our Queen, In whom, for whom, by whom we do possess More grace, more good, than London can express.

And that hath bred our plenty and our peace, And they do breed the sports you come to see; And joy it is that I enjoy increase. My former fruits were lovely Ladies three;[230] Now of three Lords to talk is London's glee: Whose deeds I wish may to your liking frame, For London bids you welcome to the same.

FINIS.

THE ACTORS' NAMES.

POLICY, | POMP, | _The three Lords of London_. PLEASURE, |

WIT, | WEALTH, | _Their Pages_. WILL, |

NEMO, _a grave old man_.

LOVE, | LUCRE, | _Three Ladies of London_. CONSCIENCE, |

HONEST INDUSTRY, | PURE ZEAL, | _Three Sages_. SINCERITY, |

PRIDE, | AMBITION, | _Three Lords of Spain_. TYRANNY, |

SHAME, | TREACHERY, | _Their Pages_. TERROR, |

DESIRE, | DELIGHT, | _Three Lords of Lincoln_. DEVOTION, |

SORROW, _a Jailor_. SIMPLICITY, _a poor Freeman of London_. PAINFUL PENURY, _his Wife_. DILIGENCE, _a Post or an Officer_.

FEALTY, | _Two Heralds-at-Arms_. SHEALTY, |

FRAUD, | USURY, | _Four Gallants_. DISSIMULATION, | SIMONY, |

FALSEHOOD, | _Two that belong to_ FRAUD _and_ DISSIMULATION. DOUBLE-DEALING. |

THE PLEASANT AND STATELY MORAL

OF

THE THREE LORDS OF LONDON.

_Enter the three Lords and their Pages: first_ POLICY, _with
his Page_ WIT _before him, bearing a shield; the impress a
tortoise, the word_ Providens securus: _next_ POMP, _with his
Page_ WEALTH _bearing his shield, the word_ Glory sans peere;
_the impress a lily; last_, PLEASURE, _his Page_ WILL, _his
impress a falcon; the word_ Pour Temps. POLICY _attired in
black_, POMP _in rich robes, and_ PLEASURE _in colours_.

POLICY Here I advance my shield and hang it up, To challenge him who ever dare deny That one of those three London ladies rare Ought not of right be match'd with Policy, A London lord, the which I represent.

POMP. And Pomp provides his challenge in his word, _Glory sans peere_, claiming the one of them, Not by compulsion, but by common right. Yet, maugre men, my shield is here advanc'd For one matchless. A London lady best Beseemeth Pomp, a London lord, to have.

PLEASURE. Pleasure hath soar'd, as doth his impress show, To look aloof on earthly ladies all. And never could my curious eye discern A dame of worth for London Pleasure's love, But one, and she doth shine as silver dove. Of self-bred soil, of London is her race; For whom in challenge I my shield advance.

POLICY. Thus each in honour of his mistress, And in regard of his well-daring mind, Hath here empris'd the challenge of his right. But, lordships both and brethren bred and sworn, A caution must be had in this conceit, That all our thoughts aspire not to one heaven, Nor all our ships do sail for one self haven; I mean, that all our suits and services We tend and tender to one only dame, All choosing one, refusing th'other two.

POMP. A great mislike amongst us that might breed.

PLEASURE. I seek but one, and her unto myself.

POMP. And one I wish sans partner of my love.

POLICY. It stands with honour to be sole or none.

POMP. Whom lovest thou, Pleasure?

PLEASURE. Hark ye. [_Whisper in his ear_.

POMP. Tush! ye lie.

WILL. If my master were a soldier, that word would have the stab.

WIT. Well, Will, still you'll be a saucy scab.

POMP. Why, Pleasure, hath Pomp[231] chosen Lucre's love?

PLEASURE. Why, Pomp, but [because] Pleasure honours Lucre most.

POLICY. And Policy may Lady Lucre gain Before you both, but let us not contend. For Nemo doth the ladies prisoners keep, Though they were slandered late with liberty, And marriage to three far-born foreigners. Then, first it fits we practise their release, And see them, and by sight our liking please;[232] For yet we love, as gossips tell their tales, By hearsay: fame, not favour, hath us yet inflam'd.

POMP. Lord Policy with reason hath discuss'd; Pleasure, consent; and so our love shall hold.

PLEASURE. Ye never found that London's Pleasure err'd From reason, or from Pomp and Policy.

POLICY. Come on, sir boy, attend you well your charge: [_To his Page_ WIT. Wait in this place to watch and ward this shield. If any man, in honour of his love, So hardy he with stroke of sword to attaint This shield, and challenge him that hereby challengeth, Say for thy lord, as should a trusty page, That Policy doth dare him to perform A hardier task than common challengers. If he demand what Policy may be, A lord of London, say--one of the three.

POMP. And you, sir boy, for Pomp perform the like; [_To_ WEALTH. Bid him, that dare his impress batter once, Be well advis'd he be no beggar's brat, Nor base of courage, nor of bad conceit, To match himself with such magnificence, As fits Lord Pomp of London for his love: Call, if he come that can encounter me, [F]or move me not for each envious swad.

PLEASURE. Will, be not wanton, nor of wayward mood: [_To_ WILL. Wait as do these; use faith and diligence, And mark him well that dare disdain this shield, Which London's lord, that Pleasure hath to name, Hath here advanc'd in honour of his dame. I bid thee mark him well, whate'er he be, That London's Pleasure doth in malice scorn, For he's a rascal or a stranger born. Good boy, mark well his gesture and his look, His eye, his gait, his weapon, and attire, And dog him to his lodging or his den, For I will make him scum and scorn of men. No better boy than Will, when Will is pleas'd Be pleas'd, my boy, and so be my good Will.

POLICY. And so, good boys, farewell; look to your charge. Watch well, good Wit, who scorneth London's Policy; Be wary, Wit, for thou canst well discern.

POMP. Wealth, watch for Pomp, for thou canst well defend.

PLEASURE. Will can do something too, when pleaseth him.

[_Exeunt the three Lords_.

WIT. Will is a good boy, where better is none.

WILL. Nay, Wit were the best boy, if Will were gone.

WEALTH. Nay, Wealth is the best boy, sirs: let that alone.

WIT. I-wis he say'th true, Will: this Wealth's a gay lad.

WILL. I care not for him, curmudgeonly swad.

WEALTH. Well, miss me awhile, and you'll go near to be sad.

WIT. Will, ye are Will-fool, if of him ye be not glad.

WILL. Nay, Wit, if thou want him, thou'lt go near to be mad.

WEALTH. To keep us still quiet I would other talk we had.

WIT. I hope we'll not fall out, being none but three.

WEALTH. If Wealth were away, Wit and Will would agree.

WILL. Nay, Wit and Will are at strife, when there's nobody but me.

WIT. Let pass, and of our shields, sirs, let's make a little glee. Will, what gives thy master here? a buzzard or a kite?

WILL. Wit, you show yourself a gentleman by guessing so right. A buzzard? thou buzzard! Wit, hast no more skill, Than take a falcon for a buzzard?

WIT. O be quiet, good Will: It was but for sport, for I know the bird else.

WEALTH. Thou mightest see it was no buzzard, man, by the bells.[233]

WIT. What's the reason of this falcon? I pray thee, Will, show.

WILL. Thou knowest that a falcon soars high, and stoops low: So doth Pleasure.

WIT. But what's the word?

WILL. _Pour temps_, for time.

WIT. A very pretty one: I would it were in rhyme.

WEALTH. In rhyme, Wit! why so?

WIT. Because it wants reason.

WILL. Look for my fist, Wit, if ye rap out such treason.

WIT. Treason to what, boy?

WILL. To my master's bird.

WIT. Now, Will, my thumb wags: it was but to his word.

WILL. 'Tis a pleasant gentleman, this young Master Wit. Your master hath something too: I pray ye, what's it?

WIT. Look, Will, and guess.

WILL.
'Tis a toad in a shell.

WEALTH. I had as lief ye had said a frog in a well.

WIT. Is't not a great butterfly? Will, can'st thou tell?

WILL. What is it in sadness?

WIT. A tortoise, my boy; whose shell is so hard that a loaden cart may go over and not break it, and so she is safe within, and wheresoever she goes she bears it on her back, needing neither other succour or shelter, but her shell. The word underneath her is _Providens securus_, the provident is safe, like the tortoise armed with his own defence, and defended with his own armour; in shape somewhat round, signifying compass, wherein always the provident foresee to keep themselves within their own compass, my boy.

WILL. Wittily spoken. Now, Wealth's master hath got a daffadowndilly.

WEALTH. If Will had not been wilful, now, he might have said a lily, whose glory is without comparison and beauty matchless; for Solomon, the most sumptuous king that ever was, was never comparable in glory with the lily; neither is there any city matchable with the pomp of London. Mistake me not, good boys, that this pomp tends to pride; yet London hath enough, but my Lord Pomp doth rightly represent the stately magnificence and sumptuous estate, without pride or vainglory, to London accommodate; and therefore the word is well applied to the impress (_Glory sans peere_), for that the lily is neither proud of the beauty, nor vainglorious of the pomp; no more is London; but if it be joyful of anything, it is of the grace and plenty, both flowing from two such fountains as becomes not us to name. Now, therefore, my good boys, know that my master is rather Magnificence than Pomp in bad sense, and rather Pomp than Pride in the best sense.

WILL. And my lord is not Pleasure sprung of Voluptuousness, but of such honourable and kind conceit as heaven and humanity well brooks and allows: Pleasure pleasing, not pernicious.

WIT. Who would have thought that Will had been so philosophous? But what means the word _Pour temps_ in the shield for time?

WILL. Wit, shall I call the[e] fool? the best pleasure of all lasts but a time: For of all pleasures most pleasing to sight, Methinks there is none to the falcon's high flight; Yet diseases end it: the breach of a wing, Nay, the breach of a feather, spoils that sweet thing.

WIT. And so my master hath the 'vantage, will ye or no. Pomp and Pleasure may be ill.

WILL. May not Policy be bad?

WEALTH. Wit, well-overtaken by Will, that crafty lad.

WIT. A crafty goose: the gander gives him health. Bad Policy's seldom found in so Christian a commonwealth As London is, I trust, where my master is a lord.

WILL. And ours so too.

WEALTH. Well, let us accord; For Wit's a good thing, yet may be ill-applied.

WIT. And so may Wealth, be it employed in pride, And Will worst of all, when it disdains a guide.

WILL. A Jackanapes hath wit.

WIT. And so he hath Will.

WEALTH. But he never hath Wealth: now ye are both still.

WIT. Yes, he wears a chain.[234]

WILL. Well-spoke, and like a bearward.

WEALTH. If ye be _non plus_, let the matter fall.

WILL. Wit, dost thou see? thus goes Wealth away with all.

WIT. Let's reason no further, for we shall have glee. Here is a challenger to our shields: step we aside.

_Enter_ SIMPLICITY _in bare black, like a poor citizen_.

WILL. He will eat them, I think, for he gapes very wide.

WEALTH. Say nothing to him, and ye shall see the fool go by.

WILL. Sirrah, gape not so wide for fear of a fly.

SIMPLICITY. Fly, flam-flurt! Why, can a fly do hurt?

WIT. Yea, have ye not heard that the fly hath her spleen, And the ant her gall?

SIMPLICITY. My uncle hath so, I ween; for it's an angry old fellow, When his gall runs over: children, good day; Whose pretty lads are you three?

WIT. Three! are you sure?

SIMPLICITY. I'll not swear, till I have told you: one, two, three.

WILL. I beshrew thee.

SIMPLICITY. Me, boy? Why, I am beshrewed already, for I am married.

WEALTH. Then, thou hast a wife.

SIMPLICITY. Yea, I would thou hadd'st her, if thou could'st stay her tongue.

WEALTH. I thy wife, man! Why, I am too young.

SIMPLICITY. And I am too old. But in good earnest, good boys--be not angry that I call you boys, for ye are no men yet: ye have no beards, and yet I have seen boys angry for being called boys. Forsooth they would be called youths: well, yet a boy is a boy, and a youth is a youth.--Well, if ye be not ashamed of the boy, good boys, whose boys are ye?

WIT. No whit ashamed, sir, of that that we are, nor ashamed at all of those whom we serve? for boys we be, and as we be, we serve the three Lords of London: to wit, Policy, Pomp, and Pleasure.

SIMPLICITY. A pretty-spoken child, and a pretty wit.

WILL. Wit's his name, indeed: are ye one of his godfathers, ye hit it so right?

SIMPLICITY. It is more than I know: then, is thy name Wit, boy? Now, of mine honesty, welcome, for I have wanted thee a great while.

WIT. Welcome, sir! how so? why do ye entertain me so kindly? I cannot dwell with you, for I have a master already.

SIMPLICITY. So have I, too, but she learns me little wit--my wife, I mean. Well, all this while I stand here, my wares are not abroad, and so I may lose both my customers and market.

WEALTH. Wares, sir! have ye wares? what wares do ye sell?

SIMPLICITY. Truly, child, I sell ballads. Soft; whose wares are these that are up already?[235] I paid rent for my standing, and other folks' wares shall be placed afore mine? this is wise, indeed.

WIT. O, the fineness of the wares, man, deserves to have good place.

SIMPLICITY. They are fine indeed. Who sells them, can ye tell? Is he free?

WIT. Our masters be: we wait on this ware, and yet we are no chapmen.

SIMPLICITY. Chapmen: no, that's true, for you are no men: neither chapmen nor chopmen, nor chipmen nor shipmen; but if ye be chappers, choppers, or chippers, ye are but chapboys; and, chapboys, ye are double.

WILL. Double! how is it? Teach me that, and you will make me laugh a little.

WEALTH. And me a little.

WIT. And me a little.

SIMPLICITY. Then your three little laughs will make one great laugh.

WIT. True; for if three fools were one fool, that were a great fool. [_Points to_ SIMPLICITY. But how are we double chapboys?

SIMPLICITY. Because ye have two chaps, an upper chap and a nether chap.

WILL. Ha, ha, ha!

WIT. Ha, ha, ha!

WEALTH. Ha, ha, ha!

SIMPLICITY. You said you would laugh but a little, but you laugh a great deal: why do ye laugh so much?

WILL. Because your wit was so great in expounding your meaning.

SIMPLICITY. Ye may see it is a good thing to have wit.

WIT. I thank you, sir.

WEALTH. And what say you to Wealth?

SIMPLICITY. Wealth? Marry, Wealth is better.

WEALTH. I thank you, sir.

WILL. And how say you to Will?

SIMPLICITY. Indeed, good Will is a great matter.

WILL. Yea, between a maid and a bachelor.

SIMPLICITY. Why, you are not in love, boy?

WILL. Yes, but I am, and in charity too.

SIMPLICITY. Charity! alas, poor child! thou in charity? ha, ha! now must I laugh.

WIT. But you laugh a great while, and you laugh very loud.

SIMPLICITY. Then, I owe you nothing for laughing, and you hear me the better.

WEALTH. But now laugh not we.

SIMPLICITY. No, you may be maddle-coddle.[236] Well, here's three passing fine lads, if a man were able to keep them all. Let me see: Wealth! O, that's a sweet lad: then Wit! O, that's a fine lad: Will: O, that's a pretty lad. Will, Wit, and Wealth, God lend ye health. I would I could guile their masters of two of them. If I had Fraud here, that served Lady Lucre, he would teach me: he would teach me to 'tice one of them from his master. Which of them, now, if a man should steal one? Will? nay, I care not for Will, outsep[237] he be good-will. Wit? a pretty child, but a man cannot live by wit. Wealth? Yea, marry, sir, I would I could win that Wealth, for then I need neither Will nor Wit; nor I need sell no ballads, but live like a mouse in a mill, and have another to grind my meal for me. I'll have a fling at one of them anon.

WEALTH. Do you not forget yourself, gaffer?

WIT. Have ye not wares to sell, gaffer?

WILL. When do you show, gaffer?

SIMPLICITY. Well-rememb'red, pretty lad: ye may see children can teach old folks. I am an unthrift, indeed. Well, my wares shall out now. But, sirs, how sell you your wares? How many of these for a groat?

WEALTH. Our wares are not to be sold.

SIMPLICITY. Not for silver nor gold? Why hang they, then, in the open market?

WILL. To be seen, not bought.

SIMPLICITY. Then they are like ripe plums upon a rich man's tree, that set men's teeth a-watering, when they are not to be bought. But what call you these things?

WIT. Scutcheons.

SIMPLICITY. Cushions? Alas! it were pity to sit on such fine cushions. But come, my boys, if you'll buy any of my wares, here's my stall, and I'll open and show straight.

WEALTH. What dainty fine ballad have you now to be sold?

SIMPLICITY. Marry, child, I have _Chipping-Norton, a mile from Chapel o' th' Heath --a lamentable ballad of burning the Pope's dog; the sweet ballad of the Lincolnshire bagpipes_[238]; and _Peggy and Willy:--But now he is dead and gone: Mine own sweet Willy is laid in his grave. La, la, la, lan ti dan derry, dan da dan, lan ti dan, dan tan derry, dan do_.

WIT. It is a doleful discourse, and sung as dolefully.

SIMPLICITY. Why, you cannot mend it, can ye?

WIT. What will you lay on that? for I myself dare lay six groats to six of your bald ballads, that you yourself shall say I sing better than you.

SIMPLICITY. What a brag-boy is this, to comparison with a man! But, boy, boy, I will not lay six ballads to six groats, but I will lay six ballads to six jerks at your buttocks, that you shall not sing so well as I.

WIT. That I shall not? No! possible, you will not let me sing?

SIMPLICITY. I not let you! Is that spoken like Wit? It is spoken like a woodcock: how can I stay thee, if thou wilt sing out thy throat?

WIT. Well, then, to our bargain: six ballads to six stripes, and who shall keep stakes?

SIMPLICITY. Neither of your companions; for that's, ask my fellow, if I be a thief.

WILL. Will you keep the stakes yourself?

SIMPLICITY. Best of all, for I mean plainly, and will pay, if I lose. Here's my six ballads: they be ready. Now, how shall I come by your six stripes, boy?

WIT. Down with your breeches, I'll fetch a rod and deliver them straight.

SIMPLICITY. Nay, then, I care not, if thou keep stakes.

WIT. You speak too late, gaffer, having challenged preheminence.

SIMPLICITY. Then, let's lay no wager, but sing for good fellowship.

WIT. Agreed. Who shall begin?

SIMPLICITY. O boy! who is the elder? Hast thou not heard, give flounders to thy elder?

WIT. You mistake the fish: trust me, I am sure 'tis give plaice; but begin with a good grace.

[_Here_ SlMP. _sings first and_ WIT _after, dialoguewise:
both to music, if ye will_.

WIT. Now, sirs, which sings best?

SIMPLICITY. Tush, your copesmates shall not judge. Friend, what say you? which of us sings best? [_To one of the auditory_.

WILL. To say truth, there's but a bad choice. How will you sell the ballad you sang, for I'll not buy the voice?

SIMPLICITY. Why wilt thou not buy my voice?

WILL. Because it will cost me more money to buy sallet-oil to keep it from rusting, than it is worth. But, I pray ye, honest man, what's this?

SIMPLICITY. Read, and thou shalt see.

WILL. I cannot read.

SIMPLICITY. Not read, and brought up in London! Went'st thou never to school?

WILL. Yes, but I would not learn.

SIMPLICITY. Thou wast the more fool. If thou cannot read, I'll tell thee. This is Tarlton's picture. Didst thou never know Tarlton?[239]

WILL. No: what was that Tarlton? I never knew him.

SIMPLICITY. What was he? A prentice in his youth of this honourable city, God be with him. When he was young, he was leaning to the trade that my wife useth now, and I have used, _vide lice shirt_,[240] water-bearing. I-wis, he hath toss'd a tankard in Corn-hill ere now: If thou knew'st him not, I will not call thee ingram;[241] but if thou knewest not him, thou knewest nobody. I warrant, here's two crack-ropes knew him.

WIT. I dwelt with him.

SIMPLICITY. Didst thou? now, give me thy hand: I love thee the better.

WILL. And I, too, sometime.

SIMPLICITY. You, child! did you dwell with him sometime? Wit dwelt with him, indeed, as appeared by his rhyme, And served him well; and Will was with him now and then. But, soft, thy name is Wealth: I think in earnest he was little acquainted with thee. O, it was a fine fellow, as e'er was born: There will never come his like, while the earth can corn. O passing fine Tarlton! I would thou hadst lived yet.

WEALTH. He might have some, but thou showest small wit. There is no such fineness in the picture that I see.[242]

SIMPLICITY. Thou art no Cinque-Port man; thou art not wit-free. The fineness was within, for without he was plain; But it was the merriest fellow, and had such jests in store That, if thou hadst seen him, thou would'st have laughed thy heart sore.

WEALTH. Because of thy praise, what's the price of the picture?

SIMPLICITY. I'll tell thee, my lad. Come hither: if thou wilt be ruled by me, thou shalt pay nothing; I'll give it thee, if thou wilt dwell with me; and, I promise thee, this counsel is for thy prefarmin'.[243] Hadst not thou better serve a freeman of the City, and learn a trade to live another day, than to be a serving-boy in thy youth, and to have no occupation in thine age. I can make thee free, if thou wilt be my prentice.

WEALTH. Why, Wealth is free everywhere: what need I serve you? My lord is a freeman, if that may do me good.

SIMPLICITY. I cry you mercy, master boy: then, your master is free of the Lord's Company, and you serve him, that you may be a lord, when you come out of your years.

WIT. Wealth is a proud boy, gaffer: what say you to me?

SIMPLICITY. Thy name is Wit: wilt thou dwell with me?

WIT. If I like your name and science, perchance we'll agree.

SIMPLICITY. Nay, my name and mine honesty is all one: it is well known. He's a very fool that cannot beguile me, for my name is Simplicity.

WILL. Goads,[244] gaffer! were you not a mealman once, and dwelt with Lady Conscience?

SIMPLICITY. Yes, for want of a better.

WILL. What, a better man?

SIMPLICITY. No; for want of a better mistress: she was as very a fool as I. We dwelt so long together, that we went both on begging.

WIT. Indeed, they that use a good conscience cannot suddenly be rich. But I'll not dwell with ye: you are too simple a master for me.

WILL. Nor I'll not dwell with you for all this world's treasure.

SIMPLICITY. No? Why, whom serve you, Will?

WILL. I serve my Lord Pleasure.

SIMPLICITY. And whom serve you, Wit?

WIT. I serve my Lord Policy.

SIMPLICITY. And whom serve you, Wealth?

WEALTH. I serve my Lord Pomp.

SIMPLICITY. You should be served all with my Lord Birchley, if you were well served. These lads are so lordly that louts care not for them; for Wealth serves Pomp, Wit serves Policy, and Will serves Pleasure. Wealth, will you buy this picture for your lord? [_Shew Tarlton's picture_.

WEALTH. No: it is too base a present for Pomp.

WIT. And Policy seldom regards such a trifle.

WILL. Come on, gaffer, come on; I must be your best chapman: I'll buy it for Pleasure. Hold, there is a groat.

SIMPLICITY. Gramercy, good Will, my wife shall love thee still; And since I can neither get Wit nor Wealth, Let my wife have her Will, and let me have my health. God forgive me, I think I never name her, but it conjures her: look where she comes! Be mannerly, boys, that she knock ye not with her staff: Keep your own counsel, and I'll make ye laugh. What do ye lack? What lack ye? Stand away, these boys, from my wares: Get ye from my stall, or I'll wring you by the ears: Let my customers see the wares. What lack ye? What would ye have bought?

_Enter_ PAINFUL-PENURY, _attired like a water-bearing woman,
with her tankard_.

PENURY. You have customers enou', and if they were ought. What do you with these boys here, to filch away your ware? You show all your wit: you'll ne'er have more care.

WILL. Content ye, good wife: we do not filch, but buy.

PENURY. I meant not you, young master, God's blessing on your heart: You have bought indeed, sir, I see, for your part. Be these two young gentlemen of your company? Buy, gentlemen, buy ballads to make your friends merry.

WIT. To stand long with your burden, methinks, you should be weary.

PENURY. True, gentlemen; but you may see, poor Painful-Penury Is fain to carry three tankards for a penny. But, husband, I say, come not home to dinner; it's Ember-day: You must eat nothing till night, but fast and pray. I shall lose my draught at Conduit, and therefore I'll away. Young gentlemen, God be with ye.

SIMPLICITY. Wife, must I not dine to-day?

PENURY. No, sir, by my fay. [_Exit_ PENURY.

SIMPLICITY. If I must not eat, I mean to drink the more: What I spare in bread, in ale I'll set on the score. How say ye, my lads, and do I not speak wisely?

WIT. Methinks ye do; and it's pretty that Simplicity Hath gotten to his wife plain Painful-Penury.

SIMPLICITY. Yea, I thank God, though she he poor and scarce cleanly, Yet she is homely, careful, and comely.

_One call within_.

Wit, Wealth, and Will, come to your lords quickly.

WILL. Must the scutcheons hang still?

_One within_.

Yea, let them alone.

WIT. Farewell, Master Simplicity.

[_Exeunt_.

SIMPLICITY. Farewell, good master boys, e'en heartily, e'en heartily, heartily. And, hear ye, Will, I thank you for your hansel[245] truly. Pretty lads! hark ye, sirs, how? Will, Wit, Wealth!

[_Re-]enter_ WIT.

WIT. What's the matter, you call us back so suddenly?

SIMPLICITY. I forgot to ask you whether your three lords of London be courtiers or citizens?

WIT. Citizens born, and courtiers brought up. Is this all? Farewell. [_Exit_.

SIMPLICITY. Citizens born and courtiers brought up! I think so; for they that be born in London are half courtiers, before they see the court: for fineness and mannerliness, O, passing! My manners and misbehaviour is mended half in half, since I gave over my mealman, and came to dwell in London: ye may see time doth much. Time wears out iron horseshoes: time tears out milstones: time seasons a pudding well; and time hath made me a free man, as free to bear water and sell ballads as the best of our copulation. I would have thought once my horse should have been free as soon as myself, and sooner too, for he would have stumbled with a sack of meal, and lien along in the channel with it, when he had done; and that some calls freedom. But it's but a dirty freedom, but, ye may see, bad horses were but jades in those days. But soft: here comes customers. What lack ye? What is't ye lack? What lack ye? Come along, and buy nothing. Fine ballads! new ballads! What lack ye?

_Enter_ NEMO _and the three Lords_.

NEMO. My lords, come on. What suits have you to me?

POLICY. Renowned Nemo, the most only one That draws no breath but of th'eternal air, That knowest our suit before we bound to speak, For thou art the very Oracle of thoughts; Whose virtues do encompass thee about, As th'air surrounds this massy globe of earth; Who hast in power whatever pleaseth thee, And canst bestow much more than we may crave, To thee we seek; to thee on knees we sue, That thou wilt deign from thraldom to release Those lovely dames, that London ladies are.

NEMO. What, those three caitiffs, long ago condemn'd? Love, Lucre, Conscience? well-deserving death, Being corrupt with all contagion: The spotted ladies of that stately town?

POMP. Love, Lucre, Conscience, we of thee desire, Which in thyself hast all perfection, Accomplished with all integrity, And needest no help to do what pleaseth thee; Which holdest fame and fortune both thy slaves, And dost compel the Destinies draw the coach, To thee we sue, sith power thou hast thereto, To set those ladies at their liberty.

PLEASURE. At liberty, thou spotless magistrate, That of the cause dost carry all regard, Careless of bribes, of birth and parentage, Because thyself art only born to bliss. Bless us so much, that lords of London are, That those three ladies, born and bred with us, May by our suits release of thraldom find.

NEMO. Release, my lords! why seek ye their release, That have perpetual prison for their doom?

POLICY. But Nemo can from thence redeem them all.

NEMO. Their deeds were cause, not Nemo, of their thrall.

POMP. Yet Nemo was the judge that sentence gave.

NEMO. But Nemo never spill'd, whom he could save.

PLEASURE. Thou from perpetual prison may'st revoke.

POLICY. Death hath no power 'gainst him to give a stroke.

POMP. Thou only mild and courteous sir, vouchsafe To grant our suit, and set those ladies free.

NEMO. What is your purpose in this earnest suit?

PLEASURE. To marry them, and make them honest wives.

NEMO. But may it be, that men of your regard, Lords of such fortune and so famous place, Will link yourselves with ladies so forlorn, And so distained with more than common crimes?

POLICY. Marriage doth make amends for many a miss.

POMP. And love doth cover heaps of cumbrous evils.

PLEASURE. And doth forget the faults that were before.

NEMO. Mean as you say: you need to say no more.

POLICY. In token that we mean what we have said, Lo, here our shields, the prizes of our love, To challenge all, except thyself, that dare Deny those ladies to be ours by right.

NEMO. Woo them and win them, win them and wear them too: I shall both comfort and discourage you, my lords. The comfort's this: of all those former crimes, Wherewith the world was wont these dames to charge, I have them clear'd, and made them all as free As they were born, no blemish left to see. But the discourage, gentle lords, is this: The time of their endurance hath been long, Whereby their clothes of cost and curious stuff Are worn to rags, and give them much disgrace.

POMP. Alas. good ladies! was there none that sued For their release, before we took't in hand?

NEMO. Yes, divers for fair Lucre sought release. And some for Love would fain have paid the fees; But silly Conscience sat without regard In sorrow's dungeon, sighing by herself. Which when I saw that some did sue for Love, And most for Lucre, none for Conscience, A vow I made, which now I shall perform: Till some should sue to have release for all, Judg'd as they were, they should remain in thrall. But you, that crave their freedoms all at once. Shall have your suit, and see them here ere long. A little while you must have patience, And leave this place. Go in, my lords, before.

POMP. Becometh us to wait on Nemo still.

NEMO. Not so; but, lordings, one condition more. You promise me, sith they are in my power, I shall dispose them, when they are releas'd, Upon you three, as I shall think it best.

POMP. Do but command, and we shall all subscribe.

NEMO. Then go your ways, for I have here to do.

[_Exeunt Three Lords_.

_Enter_ SORROW.

Sorrow, draw near; to-morrow bring thou forth Love, Lucre, Conscience, whom thou hast in thrall, Upon these stones to sit and take the air, But set no watch or spial[246] what they do.

[_Exeunt Ambo_.

_Enter_ FRAUD, USURY, DISSIMULATION, SIMONY, and SIMPLICITY.

FRAUD. How happy may we call this merry day, my mates, wherein we meet, that once were desperate, I think, ever to have seen one another, when Nemo, that upright judge, had, by imprisoning our mistresses, banished us (by setting such diligent watch for us) out of London, and almost out of the world. But live we yet and are we met, and near our old seat? Usury, is it thou? Let me see, or hath some other stolen thy face? Speakest thou, man?

USURY. No, Fraud: though many have counterfeited both thee and me, We are ourselves yet, and no changelings, I see And why shouldst thou ask me, man, if I live? The silly ass cannot feed on harder forage than Usury: she upon thistles, and I upon a brown crust of a month old.

SIMPLICITY. So that Usury and an ass are two of the profitablest beasts that a man can keep; yet th'one hath sharper teeth than th'other.

FRAUD. But what means Dissimulation? He droops, methinks. What cheer, man? Why, cousin, frolic a fit. Art thou not glad of this meeting? What's the cause of thy melancholy?

DISSIMULATION. Not melancholic, but musing how it comes to pass that we are thus fortunate to meet, as we do?

SIMONY. I'll tell thee why we met: because we are no mountains.[247]

SIMPLICITY. But ye are as ill, for ye are monsters.

SIMONY. And men may meet, though mountains cannot.

FRAUD. In token that this meeting is joyous to us all, let us embrace altogether with heart's joy and affection.

SIMPLICITY. I see many of these old proverbs prove true; 'tis merry when knaves meet. [_Aside_.

FRAUD. How, sir! what's that?

SIMONY. If a man had a casting-net, he might catch all you.

FRAUD. Art thou not Simplicity?

SIMPLICITY. Goodman Simplicity, for I am married, and it like your mastership. And you are Master Fraud, too; a pox on your worship. I see a fox and a false knave have all one luck, the better for banning; and many of you crafty knaves live merrilier than we honest men.

FRAUD. Sirrah, bridle your tongue, if you'll be welcome to our company. No girds nor old grudges, but congratulate this meeting. And, sirs, if you say it, let's tell how we have lived since our parting.

SIMPLICITY. O, it is great pity.

USURY. What, to tell how we have lived?

SIMPLICITY. No; that ye do live.

FRAUD. Yet again, sirrah? Usury, as for thee, it were folly to ask, for thou livest but too well; but Dissimulation and Simony, how have you two lived? Discourse, I pray you heartily.

SIMPLICITY. Faith, even like two mice in an ambery,[248] that eat up all the meat, and when they have done gnaw holes in the cupboard.

DISSIMULATION. Fraud, after my 'scaping away at the Sessions, where I shifted, as thou knowest, in three sundry shapes: one of a friar, and they can dissemble; another like a woman, and they do little else; the third as a saint and a devil--and so is a woman--I was banished out of London by Nemo. To the country went I amongst my old friends, and never better loved than among the russet-coats. Once in a month I stole in o' th' market-day to Leadenhall and about, and sometime to Westminster Hall. Now, hearing some speech that the ladies should be sued for, I am come in hope of my old entertainment, supposing myself not known of many, and hoping the three lords will prevail in their suit, and I to serve one of them.

SIMPLICITY. He shall do well that gives thee a coat, but he should do better that could take off thy skin. [Aside.

SIMONY. And I have been a traveller abroad in other realms, for here I am so cried out against by preachers (and yet some ministers, that be none, could be content to use me) that I was glad to be gone: now, in some other lands, and not very far off, I am secretly fostered--saving in Scotland and the Low-Countries, [where] they are reformed, they cannot abide me. Well, now and then hither I came stealing over sea, and hearing as you hear, intend as you do.

FRAUD. And for mine own part, among artificers, And amongst a few bad-conscienced lawyers, I have found such entertainment as doth pass, Yet would I with Lucre fain be as I was.

SIMPLICITY. Fraud is as ill as a cut-purse, by the mass. [Aside.

USURY. And for Usury, the longer I live the greater love I find; Yet would I be with Lucre again, to please my mind.

FRAUD. Here's a good fellow, too, one of our acquaintance. How hast thou lived, Simplicity?

SIMPLICITY. More honestly than all the rest of thy company; for when I might beg no longer, as begging was but bad, for you cosen'd me once of an alms, I fell to tankard-bearing, and so got a wife of the same science, Painful-Penury: then got I my freedom, and feeling my shoulder grow weary of the tankard, set up an easier trade--to sell ballads.

FRAUD. Hadst thou a stock to set up withal?

SIMPLICITY. Wise enough to tell you, I!--and yonder's my stall: but beware I lose nothing, for if I do, I'll lay it straight to some of you; for I saw none so like thieves, I promise you, since I set up.

FRAUD. You are a wise man, when your nose is in the cup. But soft, who comes here? step we close aside, for these be the three ladies, for my life, brought out of prison by their keeper. Let us be whist, and we shall hear and see all. Sirrah, you must say nothing.

_Enter SORROW and the three Ladies: he sets them
on three stones on the stage._

SIMPLICITY. Not till ye speak, for I am afraid of him that's with the women.

CONSCIENCE. O Sorrow, when, when, Sorrow, wilt thou cease To blow the spark that burns my troubled soul, To feed the worm that stings my fainting breast, And sharp the steel that gores my bleeding heart? My thoughts are thorns, my tears hot drops of lead: I plain, I pine, I die, yet never dead. If world would end, my woe should but begin: Lo, this the case of Conscience for her sin; And sin the food, wherewith my worm was fed, That stings me now to death, yet never dead.

LOVE. Yet never dead, and yet Love doth not live, Love, that to loss in life her folly led[249], Folly the food whereon her frailty fed, Frailty the milk that Nature's breast did give: Life, loss, and folly: frailty, food, and kind, Worm, sting, thorns, fire, and torment to the mind; Life but a breath, and folly but a flower, Frailty, clay, dust, the food that fancy scorns; Love a sweet bait to cover losses sour, Flesh breeds the fire that kindles lustful thorns; Lust, fire, bait, scorn, dust, flower and feeble breath, Die, quench, deceive, flie, fade, and yield to death. To death? O good! if death might finish all: We die each day, and yet for death we call.

LUCRE. For death we call, yet death is still in sight. Lucre doth scald in drops of melting gold Accusing rust calls on eternal night[250], Where flames consume, and yet we freeze with cold. Sorrow adds sulphur unto fury's heat, And chops them ice whose chattering teeth do beat; But sulphur, snow, flame, frost, nor hideous crying Can cause them die that ever are in dying, Nor make the pain diminish or increase: Sorrow is slack, and yet will never cease.

SORROW. When Sorrow ceaseth, Shame shall then begin With those that wallow senseless in their sin. But, ladies, I have drawn you from my den To open air, to mitigate some moan. Conscience, sit down upon that sweating stone, And let that flint, Love, serve thee for a seat; And, Lady Lucre, on that stone rest you. And, ladies, thus I leave you here alone. Mourn ye, but moan not I shall absent be; But good it were sometime to think on me. [_Exit_.]

CONSCIENCE. Comfort it is to think on sorrow past.

LOVE. Sorrow remains, where joy is but a blast.

LUCRE. A blast of wind is world's felicity.

CONSCIENCE. A blasting wind, and full of misery.

LOVE. O Conscience, thou hast more tormented me.

LUCRE. Me hath thy worm, O Conscience, stung too deep.

CONSCIENCE. But more myself my thoughts tormented have, Than both of you, in Sorrow's sullen cave; From whence drawn forth, I find but little rest: A seat uneasy, wet, and scalding hot, On this hard stone hath Sorrow me assign'd.

LOVE. And on my seat myself I frozen find: No flint more hard, no ice more cold than this.

LUCRE. I think my seat some mineral stone to be; I cold from it, it draw[eth] heat from me. Ladies, consent, and we our seats will view.

CONSCIENCE. Dare we for shame our stained faces shew?

LOVE. My double face is single grown again.

LUCRE. My spots are gone: my skin is smooth and plain.

CONSCIENCE. Doff we our veils, and greet this gladsome light; The chaser of gloom, Sorrow's heavy night[251].

LOVE. Hail, cheerful air, and clearest crystal sky.

LUCRE. Hail, shining sun and fairest firmament, Comfort to those that time in woe have spent.

CONSCIENCE. Upon my weeping stone is set REMORSE in brazen letters.

LOVE. And on this flint in lead is CHARITY.

LUCRE. In golden letters on my stone is CARE.

CONSCIENCE. Then Lucre sits upon the stone of Care.

LUCRE. And Conscience on the marble of Remorse.

LOVE. Love on the flint of frozen Charity. Ladies, alas, what tattered souls are we.

CONSCIENCE. Sorrow our hearts, and time our clothes hath torn.

LUCRE. Then sit we down like silly souls forlorn, And hide our faces that we be not known; For Sorrow's plagues tormenteth[252] me no more, Than will their sight, that knew me heretofore.

LOVE. Then will their sight, that knew us heretofore, Draw ruth and help from them for our relief.

CONSCIENCE. For our relief? for Conscience and for Love No help, small ruth that our distress may move.

LOVE. O Conscience, thou wouldst lead me to despair, But that I see the way to hope is fair, And hope to heaven directs a ready way, And heaven to help is prest to them that pray.

LUCRE. That pray with faith, and with unfeign'd remorse, For true belief and tears make prayer of force.

CONSCIENCE. Then veil ourselves, and silent let us stay, Till heaven shall please to send some friends this way.

[_Sit all down_.

[_Enter_ FRAUD, DISSIMULATION, &c.]

FRAUD. Ladies, unmask[253]! blush not for base attire: Here are none but friends and servants all. Dear Lady Lucre, Dearer unto us than daily breath we draw from sweetest air, Dearer than life, dearer than heaven itself, Deign to discover those alluring lamps, Those lovely eyes more clear than Venus' star, Whose bright aspects world's wonder do produce. Unveil, I say, that beauty more divine Than Nature (save in thee) did ever paint, That we, sworn slaves unto our mistress, may Once more behold those stately lovely looks, And do those duties which us well beseems, Such duties as we all desire to do.

CONSCIENCE. I know that tongue. Lucre, beware of Fraud.

LUCRE. Of Fraud! Indeed by speech it should be he. Fraud, what seekest thou?

FRAUD. Lucre, to honour thee with wit, with worth, with all I have; To be thy servant, as I was before, To get thee clothes, and what thou wantest else.

LUCRE. No, Fraud, farewell: I must be won no more To keep such servants as I kept before.

SIMONY. Sweet Lady Lucre, me thou mayest accept.

LUCRE. How art thou called?

SIMONY. Simony.

LUCRE. Aye? No, sir; Conscience saith.

CONSCIENCE. No; Lucre now beware, false not thy faith, For Simony's subject to perpetual curse.

DISSIMULATION. As you two have sped, I would desire to speed no worse.

FRAUD. Make you a suit: you may chance to speed better.

DISSIMULATION. Not I, for of all my tongue is best known; But if I speak, it shall be to her that was once mine own. Good Lady Love, thou little knowest the grief That I, thy friend, sustain for thy distress, And less believest what care I have of thee. Look up, good Love, and to supply thy wants Ask what thou wilt, and thou shalt have of me, Of me, that joy more in thy liberty Than in this life or[254] light that comforts me.

LOVE. O gall in honey, serpent in the grass! O bifold fountain of two bitter streams, Dissimulation fed with viper's flesh, Whose words are oil, whose deeds, the darts of death! Thy tongue I know, that tongue that me beguil'd, Thyself a devil mad'st me a monster vild. From the[e] well known well may I bless myself: Dear-bought repentance bids me shun thy snare.

CONSCIENCE. O happy Love, if now thou can beware.

SIMPLICITY. Marry, but hear ye, motley-beard. I think this blindfold buzzardly hedge-wench spoke to ye; she knows ye, though she see thee not. Hark ye, you women, if you'll go to the alehouse, I'll bestow two pots on ye, and we'll get a pair of cards[255] and some company, and win twenty pots more; for you play the best at a game, call'd smelling of the four knaves, that ever I saw.

USURY. Four! soft, yet they have not smell'd thee.

SIMPLICITY. No? I am one more than is in the deck, but you'll be smell'd as soon as ye begin to speak. I'll see what they'll say to me. Hear ye, you women, wives, widows, maids, men's daughters, what shall I call ye? These four fellows (hark ye, shall I call ye crafty knaves?) make me believe that you are the three that were the three fair ladies of London.

CONSCIENCE. Gentle Simplicity, we are unhappy they.

SIMPLICITY. Now, ye bad fellows, which of ye had such a word as gentle Sim?

USURY. Bad fellows, ye rascal! If e'er you bring me pawn, I'll pinch ye for that word.

SIMPLICITY. I cry you mercy, Master Inquiry--Master Usury: I meant not you.

FRAUD. If you mean us, we may be even with ye too.

SIMPLICITY. Tut! I knew ye an ostler, and a thief beside: You have rubb'd my horse-heels ere now for all your pride. But, ladies, if ye be the three ladies, which of ye dwelt in Kent Street? One of you did, but I know not which is she, ye look all so like broom-wenches. I was once her servant: I'll ne'er be ashamed of her, though I be rich and she be poor; yet if she that hath been my dame, or he that hath been my master, come in place, I'll speak to them, sure: I'll do my duty. Which is Lady Conscience?

CONSCIENCE. Even I am she, Simplicity.

SIMPLICITY. I am glad ye are out of prison. I thought ye had forgot me: I went a-begging for[256] you, till the beadles snapp'd me up: now I am free, and keep a stall of ballads. I may buy and sell. I would you had as good a gown now, as I carried once of yours to pawn to Usury here.

CONSCIENCE. Gramercy, good Simplicity. Wilt thou be with me now?

SIMPLICITY. No, I thank you heartily; I'll beg no more. I cannot with ye, though I would, for I am married to Painful-Penury. Look now, my proud stately masters, I may if I will; and you would, if ye might.

FRAUD. No, not dwell with such a beggar as Conscience.

SIMPLICITY. No, Fraud ne'er lov'd Conscience, since he was an ostler.

USURY. Who cares for Conscience but dies a beggar?

SIMPLICITY. That will not Usury do: he will first take threescore pound in the hundred.

DISSIMULATION. Love, look on me, and I will give thee clothes.

LOVE. I will no more by thee be so disguised.

SIMPLICITY. Ye do the wiser, for his face looks like a cloak-back.

DISSIMULATION. In thy affections I had once a place.

LOVE. Those fond affections wrought me foul disgrace.

DISSIMULATION. I'll make amends, if ought amiss were done.

LOVE. Who once are burn'd, the fire will ever shun.

DISSIMULATION. And yet once burn'd to warm again may prove.

LOVE. Not at thy fire; I will be perfect Love.

SIMPLICITY. I promise you, the wenches have learn'd to answer wittily. Here's many fair proffers to Lucre and Love, But who clothes poor Conscience? she may sit long enough.

USURY. I will clothe her straight.

[USURY _takes_ FRAUD'S _cloak, and casts it on_ CONSCIENCE.

SIMPLICITY. Will you, Master Usury? that's honestly spoke. Ha! that's no gramercy to clothe her with another man's cloak; But I see you have a craft in the doing, Master Usury: Usury covers Conscience with Fraud's cloak very cunningly.

CONSCIENCE. Alas! who loads my shoulders with this heavy weed? Fie! how it stinks: this is perfum'd indeed.

FRAUD. Marry, gup, Goody Conscience! indeed I do you wrong, But I'll quickly right it; my cloak shall not cumber you long.