Chapter VI: Front Matter (6)

I am not acquainted with all the Acts, Statutes, and Laws, of the different Cities of _Europe_, made for suppressing and preventing the Avarice and Exorbitance of Apothecaries; only in Upper and Lower _Germany_, a certain Fine is, by public Authority, laid upon the Apothecary who sells old and mouldy Herbs, or uses any Methods to make them appear good and fresh: Nay, it is customary, in some Provinces of _Germany_, publickly to burn such Herbs, Roots, Shrubs, or Plants as are bad, or suspected to be more than one Year old; lest the poorer Inhabitants should, like the Widow mentioned in _Luke_, Chap. viii. 43, spend all their Money upon Physicians, without being healed by any: But the Case is quite otherwise with _Tea_; for supposing it to be only one Year old, when it is put into the Ships at _China_, it must be double that Time, and often more, before it arrives to us. How great then is the Stupidity of us _Europeans_, who are never disgusted at the Avarice and Baseness of the _Asiatics_, though they should send us _Tea_ as old as the _Trojan_ War, whilst they use it fresh and good themselves? Besides, as the _Tea_-Leaves have no Smell, it is highly probable, that the _Asiatics_ have infused and macerated them, and then dried them a second Time for the Use of the _Europeans_; since, when chewed in the Mouth, they are resolved into a Kind of gross Powder. I am also of the Opinion of the celebrated _Wormius_, who thought it highly probable, that _Tea_-Leaves were either mixed with others, or had others intirely substituted in their stead. If we are at such Care and Pains to discharge and prohibit the Sale of old _European_ Plants, ought we not, with the same Rigour and Authority, to prohibit the Import of _Tea_ deprived of its Smell, and long ago dried and prepared for the Use of the _Chinese_? The Man would surely be ridiculous who should import into _Europe_ large Quantities of _Tobacco_, already cut small for the present Smoaking of the _Indians_, or _Americans_; or who should commend it on account of its unctuous Sulphur, or prefer it to large Pricks, made up hard and compact for the Sake of keeping; for cut _Tobacco_ after it has been kept some Months and become dry, loses all its Virtue, and is despised by a phlegmatic _European_. It is also obvious from what has been said, that after the _Chinese_ have toasted their _Tea_, they preserve it in close stopped Vessels, that it may not be corrupted, or too much dried by the Access of the Air: It is, therefore, the Duty of every _European_ to join in engaging the Legislature to put a Stop to this epidemical Evil, and prohibit the Abuse, not only of _Tea_, but also of _Tobacco_, since both of these, and _Coffee_, as I have before shewn, so enervate the _European_ Men, that they become incapable of propagating their Species, like _Eunuchs_, some of whom are highly salacious; but it is sufficiently known, that they are incapable of Procreation, tho' they emit something analogous to _Semen_. For this Reason, the _Turks_ perform Castration in a different Manner from the _Italians_, since the former cut off _Penis_, _Testicles_, and all; and the latter only the _Testicles_. The Curious may consult _Bartholinus Anatom. Reformat. Lib. 1._ at the End of which, they will be informed why, and when it happens, that Horses and Bulls procreate their respective Species after Castration: The _Turks_, therefore, lest their Eunuchs should provide them with a spurious Progeny, treat them in a far more inhuman Manner, than the _Italians_ do. Since we have mentioned the _Turks_, it will not be improper to observe, that the _Persians_, though salacious, are, nevertheless, generally impotent: For since, on account of _Polygamy_, which they have in common with the _Turks_, they have a numerous Progeny to be supported; when they copulate with their Wives and Whores, they are not so sollicitous to procure an Offspring, as, like the infamous _Onan_, to emit a vapid and unprolific Seed, which, on account of the _Coffee_ corrupted in their Veins, may, by a Person acquainted with Chymical Principles, be justly compared to the Lees of Wine, in a great Measure deprived of the volatile Salt and Sulphur of the Wine: Or it may be compared to that of the Eunuchs of other less brutal Nations; or that of the _Scythians_, who are by _Hippocrates_, in _Lib. de Aere, Aquis, & Locis_, stiled _emasculated and effeminate Mortals_. The same Author, in the Work now quoted, assigns other Causes for the Sterility of the _Scythians_; "for, _says he_, they make so deep Incisions in the Veins behind their Ears, that when they come to be married, they are impotent." But _Olearius_ informs us, that without this Practice, the salacious _Persians_ emasculate themselves only by the Use of _Coffee_: Nor is this surprizing, since Salacity, instead of promoting Procreation, procures Sterility. Hence a common Strumpet rarely becomes pregnant, notwithstanding her frequent venereal Encounters with salacious Rakes and Debauchees. Besides, there is a vast Difference between stimulating, cold, and languid Constitutions to Venery, which is obtained by _Rocket_, and fecundating the _Semen_, which is obtained by some Vegetables, as Sweet Almonds, Pine Kernels, Pistachio Nuts, and Chesnuts; as also by Animals, as Capons, Larks, Thrushes, Kids-Flesh, Mutton, or Veal. I do not deny, but _Coffee_, _Chocolate_, and _Tobacco_, have a Power of stimulating to Venery, but may yet induce Sterility, because they consist of heterogeneous Parts, or rather act by their whole Substances: But all these Things are unfit for fecundating the _Semen_; as also all other Substances of a drying Quality, and not cold Substances, as is commonly believed. The Effeminacy and Impotence then produced by drinking _Coffee_, and smoaking _Tobacco_, are sufficiently obvious. And to these two, if I am not mistaken, good Judges will join _Tea_, because according to _Martinius_, the _Chinese_ by the last not only extinguish Thirst, but also dissipate their Humours to such a Degree, that they hardly ever spit. It is also by a drying Quality, that the _Agnus Castus_, _Rue_, _Mint_, and _Camphire_, render Men impotent. Besides, _Tea_ is to the _Chinese_ themselves only a new Thing, whose Virtues and Faculties they have not, as yet, sufficiently investigated; for which Reason I justly prefer to it our own _Betony_, which has been deservedly celebrated for so many Ages. The _Chinese_ Incapacity of Spitting is, therefore, a manifest Proof that _Tea_ contains a drying, though not an intensely hot Sulphur. I do not find it expresly affirmed by Authors, that _Chocolate_, as well as _Coffee_, produces Sterility and Impotence; since they rather assert, that it proves a Stimulus to Venery: A Circumstance confirmed by the Accounts of some Men of Learning and Penetration, upon their Return from _Africa_ and _America_. But as _Benzon_ informs us, "that _Chocolate_ has a somewhat bitterish Taste, and refrigerates, or dries the Body, without producing the smallest Degree of Intoxication:" Hence we may reasonably infer, that as _Chocolate_ agrees with _Coffee_ and _Tea_, in one Third of its Qualities, so all these three exactly agree with each other, in producing Effeminacy and Impotence: But I shall not here attempt an Investigation of their other Qualities. I therefore hope, that for the future, the _Europeans_ will be wise, and reject _Coffee_, _Chocolate_, and _Tea_; since they are all either equally bad, or equally good: Nay, I hope to see People of all Ranks and Conditions, have as great an Aversion to them as the _Mahometans_ and _Turks_, or rather their Emperors have to _Tobacco_, the Lovers of which, as well as thole who are idle, prodigal, barren, impotent, or effeminate, they will not suffer to live within their Territories. There is another Method of producing Barrenness and Impotence, probably brought from _Asia_ into _Europe_, which is the indiscriminate Use of Venesection, in both Sexes, behind the Ears, for intolerable Tooth-achs. But let me tell the Persons, who, despising the Authority of _Hippocrates_, suffer, like the _Scythians_, the Veins behind their Ears to be opened, that they will afterwards repent their Folly, when they find Sterility and Impotence to be their Fate. Some practical Physicians may furnish us with Instances of Tooth-achs, accompanied with Deliriums, and other violent Symptoms; but none of them seem to have observed, that a Tooth-ach, when removed by opening the Veins behind the Ears, has proved the Cause of Sterility, as _Hippocrates_, who, according to _Macrobius_, was never deceived himself, nor imposed upon others, affirms, not of a single Instance or two, but of the whole Nation of the _Scythians_. Let, therefore, the Masters and Mistresses of Families reject the Custom of cauterising or opening the Veins behind the Ears, unless they incline that their Children should be cursed with Sterility, or Impotence, which are attended with a dire and numerous Train of Woes. So that we hope the _Europeans_ will guard against Sterility; produced in the _Indies_ by _Coffee_, _Tea_, and _Chocolate_; and in _Scythia_ by opening, or burning the Veins behind the Ears.

Having already considered the Regimen of the _Chinese_, I shall proceed to take Notice of their Manners, Customs, and Dispositions: In the Execution of which Design I shall take my Accounts from _Martinius_, who, when treating of Quack-Physicians, affirms, that the _Chinese_, as well as the _Cretans_, are greatly addicted to Lying. The same Author, in his _Atlas Chinicus_, speaks in the following Manner: "The _Europeans_ are superior to the _Chinese_ in Fortitude, but the _Chinese_ excel the _Europeans_ in Brightness of Genius: They are also sagacious, cunning, intrepid, industrious, and dextrous, in managing sudden Emergencies: Notwithstanding their great Abundance, they collect and preserve the most worthless Things, such as Dogs Bones, Feathers, and Hogs Bristles, which they sell. Their Penetration often discovers itself by Fraud, Guile, and Imposition. Their Merchants are industrious and active, and the whole of the Inhabitants spare no Pains, and think no Labour too severe, when they have the smallest Prospect of Gain, because they always prefer Profit to Honesty. They have sound and robust Constitutions, being accustomed to Fatigue from their Infancy: Some of them are of as fair Complexions as the _Europeans_."

As I have before compared the _Chinese_ with the _European_ Regimen, so I should here institute the Comparison between their Manners and Dispositions, if _Barclay_ had not already executed that Design with great Judgment and Accuracy: Only I must observe, that their Cunning surpasses our Prudence, and that their Fraud sufficiently evinces their Inclination to deceive us. In a word, Cunning, Avarice, and Lying, are the distinguishing Characteristicks of the _Asiatics_, who yearly defraud the _Europeans_ of such immense Sums of Money for _Teas_. As _Hippocrates_ spared no Pains to remove and root out the _Athenian_ Plague, so I have used the utmost of my Endeavours to destroy the raging epidemical Madness of importing _Tea_ into _Europe_ from _China_; since I have demonstrated, that the _Chinese Tea_, and the _Chamelæagnus_, or _Myrtus Brabantica_, are Plants of the same Species. Let such, therefore, as are unacquainted with _Botany_, cease to use _Chinese Tea_, and in its Room substitute our _European Chamelæagnus_. Tho' I have not Authority sufficient to force my Opinions upon others, yet let me perswade my Countrymen to use _Betony_, which, as _Antonius Musa_ informs us, cures no less than forty Disorders, instead of the _Chinese Tea_, which is without Smell, corrupted by the Length of the Voyage, and destitute of the Qualities it is possessed of in _Asia_: Nor do I in the least doubt, but the _European Betony_ would happily cure those Disorders, for which the _Chinese_ recommend their _Tea_. The Physicians of _China_ are indeed to be commended for curing Diseases by Abstinence from Meat and Drink, and the Use of simple Decoctions, or other similar Things; because Nature delights in Simplicity, is contented with little, and overpowered by a Farrago of compound Medicines.

If I should be laughed at for my Opinions, I shall comfort myself with this Reflection, that I have always had so sacred and inviolable an Attachment to Truth, that I have chearfully gone whithersoever she led me; so that I may, with a few Variations, put a Close to this Work, in the Words of _Cicero_, in _Academ. Quest. Lib. 4._

"If I had been induced to this Work by Ostentation, or the Love of Dispute, I ought to be condemned, not only as a Fool, but also as a vicious and immoral Man; for, if Obstinacy in Trifles is justly ridiculed, it ought to be much more so in Affairs of Importance. During the whole Course of my Life I have been impartial in my Searches after Truth, and never attempted to impose upon the Judgment of others; for I can swear by the immortal God, that I not only have an ardent Love to Truth, but also that I speak the genuine Sentiments of my Mind; for why should not I desire to discover Truth, when I rejoice to find what bears a near Resemblance to it. As it is the peculiar Glory of the human Nature, to perceive Truth in its genuine Colours; so, it is a Disgrace to Reason to embrace Falshood for Truth. I do not, however, lay claim to Infallibility, since I confess that I may err, as well as other Men."

_FINIS._

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