Chapter IX: January 1 (2)

"En I mek answer en says, 'Ef ole Miss ain't een Heben, den no mortal man or 'oman ain't dere. Now, Joseph, you kyas yo' mind back, en recomember how ole Miss fight wid we all fu' teach we, f'um de time him married ole Maussa—en dem was nyung den, en 'twas my pa dem bin teach den—ebry libing Sunday ole Miss hab ebery chile on de whole plantation en teech dem. Fust 'e teech "Our Fader praise," den de Ten Kummanment, den de "I belieb" praise, den w'en we kno' all dat, sose we kin say um widout stop, den 'e teech de wud o' de blessed Sabior, chapter at a time, till all we chillum w'at cudn't read, we hab we head chock full o' Scriptur.

"'Now w'en we dun say we Katakism den up kum Maum Mary wid de big cake een de wheelbarrer, en ole Miss kut um 'eself, en gib eech chile a big slice. I neber tas' sech cake sence, 'e had su much aig, en su much sugar, en su much short'nin' 'e mek me mout' water now, w'en I t'ink pun um.

"'Now, Joseph, I ax you if ole Miss ent mek she title clear to him manshun een de sky? 'E cud a bin a sleep, or 'e cud a bin a dribe out een de open karrige fu', wisit she fren', or 'e cud a bin a eat cake sheself, but no, Sunday afta' Sunday, kump'ny or no kump'ny, fo' o'clock Sunday ebning yu'le fin' ole Miss een de church Maussa build een de abenue, wid f'um fifty to one hund'rd chillum de wrastle wid dem ondirstand'in'.

"'I kin read now, but my breder, all de fulness o' my min' kum f'um dem Bible wud dat I got. I don't need no spectacle, I don't need no light, I kin jes' pore out de Scriptur to eny po' sinna I meets needin' um.'"

I cannot give any idea of the balm these simple words brought to my bruised and wounded spirit. I thanked Ransom with all my heart for his beautiful, earnest testimony to my dear mother's unwavering devotion to her duty as she saw it, from the time she came to the plantation as a bride of nineteen.

Before going Ransom wished me many blessings, and wound up by saying, "Miss Pashuns, I hope you is conwert?"

Quite alarmed, I asked him what he meant.

"I mean I hope you's got religion, ma'am."

"Oh, Ransom, I hope so."

"Well, ma'am, I'm glad to hear it, en I hope 'tis true."

He did not seem to feel quite satisfied about it, which was a great shock. I know, measured by the standard he had in mind, I fall very short. I must fly to Job at once.

CHEROKEE, March 24.

I have had the great pleasure of a short visit from my friend M. T. She had only a few days of rest from her work in the East Side Settlement House, and to my refreshment and delight she came to me. I love to hear of all the wonderful work done there.

On Thursday I had a most surprising letter from an unknown friend in New York, saying she had become interested in the children of my Sunday-schools and asking if she might send some little Easter presents for them. It was so unexpected and so delightful! I had no thought of being able to get anything for the children.

I wrote her at once, giving a list of the children of the three distinct classes in which I am interested. There is the class of little gentlefolk in the hamlet of Peaceville whom I teach in summer first, then the larger class at St. Peter's Mission Church out in the pine woods. These are the children of the white workers in turpentine. Finally there are the little darkies on the plantation whom I teach in winter, when I can get them. Their own churches, Methodist and Baptist, are very jealous and discourage their coming.

I wrote Miss W. that I sent them all, so that she could choose the class to which she would send presents, and told her how to address the package.

It rained heavily in the afternoon. Gibbie did not come, so I had to milk. I was perfectly delighted, because I got more milk from Winnie than either Gibbie or Dab has been getting. When I was in the mountains one summer I took regular lessons in milking, for the mountain folk milk beautifully, whereas the negroes are generally poor milkers. They never can take all the milk, and if you do not keep the calf to take the balance when the milking is over, the cow will go dry in a very short time. Leave a pint to-day and to-morrow there is that much less, and so on, a pint less every day. The cow is soon only fit to turn out to pasture.

You cannot teach what you do not yourself understand, so I took milking lessons, and as a teacher have been rather a success, but have been generally greatly mortified at the results of my efforts at milking myself. Hence my pride when Chloe said the milk was much more than usual. Chloe cannot milk, she draws the line there, and Bonaparte is still working on the pineland house four miles away, and does not come to the yard at all.

After taking the milk to the house I went to the barn-yard and fed the oxen. Gibbie had taken them out of the plough and turned them out in the rain with nothing to eat and had gone home. I gave them a good supper and then went home, changed my wet clothes, and had my tea and toast and then a delightful evening reading "The Power of Silence." A wonderful book, to my mind.

March 25.

Good Friday. B. and her dear little party arrived safely at 1 o'clock. It had poured all night and part of the morning, so I was anxious about them. The children are lovely, the baby like a sweet flower with her heaven touched blue eyes. Unfortunately their trunks went astray in some way and Dab returned with the wagon empty, except for the baby carriage.

Easter Sunday, March 27.

A beautiful day and charming service. The collection was for missions and our delight was great at finding it was a little over $12. It will pay up our apportionment. I drove our rector to church in Peaceville and then let him have the buckboard and Ruth to go on to St. Peter's, while I came home with my dear little neighbor, who dined with me.

A number of little darkies came to Sunday-school and sang very nicely. Lizette came for the first time. She is about 14, very tall and gawky, but with a good face. She knows not a word of the catechism, while Goliah and the other little ones say their Creed, the Ten Commandments, and that most comprehensive duty to God and duty to one's neighbor, glibly. The Easter hymn which they have been learning for a month, "Christ the Lord is Risen To-day," went beautifully. They left with great speed after receiving a double portion of candy in honor of Easter.

After they had gone, I went out to enjoy the exquisite afternoon, with its rosy golden light, and there at the foot of the steps was a huge snake. I looked for a long pole and killed it after a fight. While I was finding the stick it had got under the house, which made it harder to kill it. It did not seem quite dead and the puppy wanted to play with it, so I went into the yard and got the axe and chopped off its head, and as Prince, who has no country sense, still wanted to get the head, I buried it quite deep, all of which somewhat interfered with my enjoyment of the peace and beauty of the Easter gloaming. It makes one think, when these terrible discords come into the harmonies of a perfect day, must the trail of the serpent creep into everything?

Am I yielding to the temptation of getting too much amusement out of my dusky little scholars? Do I not agonize over them sufficiently? That may well be. It seems so hopeless to reach below the surface, so hard to influence the spirit, the life, by this hour's teaching once a week. Still I must do what I can; I cannot see them follow their blind leaders without making an effort to help them.

It does not come to them as it does to the heathen, who have never heard of God, as something new, a revelation. They hear great professions of religion and calls upon the Lord, and yet there is the daily example of deceit, faithless work, the snatching up of any and everything that can be stolen unseen. To be discovered is the only sin; you may lie, break any of the Commandments, only don't let it be found out. This going on daily, hourly, yearly, who but the Holy Spirit can contend against it? I constantly tell them that when they have all these good words stored in their minds, or rather their memories, and at their command, they have only to call them up, when Satan attacks them, to be able to defeat him. Even our blessed Saviour when tempted by the Evil One did not answer in his own words, but in the words of Scripture. "It is written," was the preface to his reply. I often feel that this is the greatest thing we can do for children, to store their minds with these powerful words, which will come to them in their hour of trial, as weapons against the deadly spiritual foe.

Sunday, April 3.

To-day I had the joy of distributing at St. Peter's-in-the-woods the pretty Easter eggs Miss W. had sent for the children. It was a joy to see the usually phlegmatic faces light up at the sight of the lovely things in the familiar form of an egg.

I asked the very pretty young mother who tries to keep the Sunday-school going all the time, though as she says she "has mighty little knolidge herself," to tell me the name of the best scholar. She answered very demurely: "It wouldn't do for me to tell you, Miss Patience; the best plan is for you to listen to the lesson an' then you can tell yourself."

When the lesson was said I found her little boy of 6 was far ahead of the others in saying his lesson and that was why she could not tell me. The next best was a boy of 14 who was, she said, the most punctual of all in attendance, coming a number of miles on foot in all kinds of weather, but he had no one at home to help him with the lesson.

"So, in reason," she said, "he couldn't know it as good as my little boy, fur I teaches him; but Joe does his best, en he aims to learn."

So I decided to give the rabbit about five inches high to him, and said: "Mrs. M. tells me you are so punctual in coming, Joe, that I am going to give you the largest one of the pretty things, which a kind friend away off in New York, has sent as an Easter offering."

To see the heavy, patient looking face suddenly light up and then fairly beam, when the rabbit was put into his hands, was too delightful. I did not look at him too hard, it was such a revelation of fourteen years of limitation and privation unconsciously borne.

I passed on and gave each child a most beautiful egg. They were all filled with little sugar eggs of different delicious flavorings.

To the children of the cities these things are all well known, but to these little pine wood children of nature they were heaven sent mysteries. When I had finished the distribution the big boy Joe came to me and said:—

"Hear, Mrs. Pashuns, my rabbit rattles!"

"Yes," I said, "he is full of little eggs."

"Will I have to break him to get at them? Fur I'd ruther not get um than to break him."

When I showed him how to take the head off, his content was complete.

Got home just before dark, tired and very hungry after the eighteen-mile drive and the two services, but having thoroughly enjoyed the day. It was very pleasant that it was our rector's day with us, so that I drove him out to the church and back instead of taking the drive alone.

CHEROKEE, April 4.

I am worrying as to how I am going to get seed rice. Some hands want to plant a field of rice, and it seems to me I ought not to be behind them in faith. If they are willing to risk their work, I ought to be willing to risk the seed rice. But the question is where to get it.

The great destruction of rice by the floods last summer has made seed rice very scarce and very high, and of course no one will be willing to sell it except for cash. However, I have promised to try and get it for the hands who want to plant Vareen.

While we were sitting at breakfast this morning Chloe came to the door and mysteriously beckoned to me. I rose at once and went out knowing something had happened by her tragic expression. When we were out of hearing from the dining room she said:—

"Miss Pashuns, Rab is shot 'eself."

"Good heavens, Chloe! Where is he?"

"Right to de pantry do'."

I flew out and there was Rab moaning piteously with the blood streaming from his left hand. It was no time to ask questions. I called for a basin of hot water and sent to my room for a roll of absorbent cotton and a bottle of turpentine and washed the wound, which was all burned with powder.

The missile, a jagged piece of lead, had gone straight through the hand, making a very ugly, ragged wound. How it got through the muscles, veins, and bones between the second and third finger without touching any of them is a wonder. The bleeding was not excessive. I packed the hole with cotton saturated with turpentine, both top and bottom, getting it as far into the wound as I could.

Poor little Rab behaved very well, did not scream, only the tears rolled down his very black face. After it was bound up securely, my niece fortunately having a roll of bandages with her, I asked him how it happened. He said he was playing with the plantation musket, trying to get out a piece of lead that was in it. He had the palm of his hand over the muzzle when he moved the trigger, with this result.

I did not scold him; what was the use? All my efforts to give him healthy and satisfying amusement and occupation in the boat have been in vain. He will not go with old Tinny, nor to fish at all unless Dab leaves his work to go with him. He is too weak to do any work, and there is nothing that he can be persuaded to do but play with some firearm.

Dab has done wonderfully well, for the house, of which I am generally the sole occupant, is now quite full, and Dab has the dining room work, which he does beautifully. He has confided to Chloe his disappointment about Rab. I have been terribly disappointed myself, but tried not to write about it, indeed I have tried to ignore it altogether. The child has been ill and got somewhat spoiled, as all sick people do who have any kind of good nursing, and then he is so weak and miserable now. Two days ago Dab rushed into the kitchen in great excitement and said: "An' Chloe, Rab is de very debil self! Not de debil son, nor him brudder, but him very self."

Chloe was delighted to sympathize on so congenial a subject and went on:—

"Rab los' all the manners he carry frum here, an' he ain't brought nutting back."

Poor little Rab during his five weeks' illness has got spoiled, and with his physical weakness, his temper gets the better of him more and more, that is all.

April 5.

A dear little cousin arrived this morning to make a long-deferred visit.

I found Rab's hand looking so ugly and swollen when I went to dress it that I determined to send him to Dr. G. in Gregory, for I am sure it needs a doctor's care. The hospital has been closed for lack of funds to carry it on, but I wrote to the doctor, who I know will do his best for the child. I wrote also to Jim asking him to keep him at his house, and I will pay him.

While I was writing the buckboard was being got and I drove Ruth as hard as possible to catch the mail man. I knew he had left Peaceville by that time and I had to calculate where I could strike him on the road. This I succeeded in doing, and put Rab in his charge, to be taken to the doctor at the hospital where he lives, though it is closed to patients.

It was all very fatiguing and exciting, and my heart was very sore for the poor little piece of black humanity, who has such terrible things to contend against within. I am so glad I was able to send him down at once. It has all broken in somewhat on my enjoyment of my guests, but I hope now the unusual excitements are over.

April 6.

This morning when I came downstairs I was surprised to see the table not prepared for breakfast, as Dab usually has finished all his dining room work by the time I get down. Chloe said she had sent Patty out to knock on the door of his house twice to wake him. She had knocked hard but he would not come out.

I walked out to the house to see if he was ill, opened the door, and he was not there. His valise which he always kept packed was gone, also the fine red blanket, which I bought back for him when he sold it last winter, was gone.

Though I had so often told him when he wanted to go just to tell me, and I would write a paper stating his capabilities and good qualities, so that he could get a good place, he had slipped away in the night! I was quite knocked down by this. The excitement about Rab had taken a good deal out of me, and now I was dismayed.

The house is full, and though Patty is a good little girl and specially eager to wait on table, she knows very little and my whole time during a meal has to be given to seeing that she does not lose her head, and do something very unusual, to say the least, but I now called her and told her she must take charge of the dining room, in addition to her other work.

She showed all her white teeth and expressed delight at that. I showed her exactly how to lay the breakfast table and what dishes to use, and then went up to my room to compose myself before the family came down.

Gibbie having determined to take a rest, as he very often does, had announced himself sick and Dab had been taking care of the horses as well as the cows. Fortunately Gibbie came out this morning, but when he came for the stable key I found that Dab had carried it off with him, also the poultry house key. They were tied together. I told Gibbie the keys were not in their usual place, and asked if he could manage to get in the stable without breaking the lock.

He answered that was very easy, and proceeded to roll the wagon with the rack up to the stable door, climbed into the loft with ease, and thence down the ladder into the stable, where he unbarred the back door. I was a most interested spectator, for now I understand how the horses are ridden at night, when the door is locked and the key hanging on its hook in the pantry. I did not tell Gibbie that Dab had the keys; I preferred to let him think I had mislaid them.

By the mail at 11 o'clock came a postal addressed to me with the keys attached. I am truly glad Dab had the decency to send them.

April 7.

A long and humble letter from Dab making his apologies as best he could for his very bad conduct and thanking me for all I had done for him and saying he had no fault to find with me, that he knew if he had come to tell me he would never have gone, intimating that it was with members of his own race he found it hard to get on; said he saw Rab every day and his hand was getting better. He wound up by begging me to give him a recommendation.

Meantime Patty is covering herself with honors and we are getting on very well.

My strawberries are fine, we are picking four quarts every day. Green peas are also bearing well. It is a great thing to have them now while the house is full. We had the first strawberries on April 11.

Rained hard all night, but cleared beautifully this morning; such a blessing to the young corn the rain was. L. wanted to see Casa Bianca, so we drove down there and had a delightful day. We got back in nice time, but Gibbie had gone home, so I had to take out the horses and then go down to the barn-yard to get out feed, as Bonaparte is still working on the house at Peaceville. I miss Dab terribly; he was so quick and always so ready to do everything.

L. went with me to get out the feed. She has lived in a city always, and it must all seem very strange to her. We counted out eighty-four ears of corn into the sack, and then the problem of getting it moved came up. It was still raining, and the horses were eagerly following us, almost walking over us.

L. kept them off with the lantern, while I attempted to drag the corn along. Just then Gibbie strolled up, to my great relief.

April 8.

Drove L. to Gregory to take train. She has kindly offered to take charge of Rab on his journey. I went to ask Dr. G. if Rab's hand was in condition for him to go. He said it was, that it had healed very rapidly, being perfectly healthy, and no longer needed to be dressed daily.

I think it wise to send Rab back to the institution of the worthy Jenkins. I dare not leave him at home with Chloe when I go away, as I must do in ten days to be absent a month, for there is no telling what he might do. As Chloe expresses it, he "discounts her altogether," and this craze he has for firearms makes her afraid to keep him. Under Jenkins's charge he will be well cared for, and at the same time kept out of mischief and made to behave.

I wrote to Jim yesterday to have Rab ready, as I would call for him this afternoon, and as I drove up Hattie came out with Rab's valise, and he followed with his arm in a sling, but looking much better. We drove rapidly to the train, just in time to get the tickets and get L. and her protégé on the train, before it was off.

I asked Rab as we drove down if he had seen Dab. He said he had very often, that he had got a place as butler, where he was getting $5 a week. I asked where it was, and after the train left, I drove to the house and asked to see Dab.

I told him I could not give him the recommendation I had expected to give him, because he had run away and left me as he had done; that I only wanted to see him to tell him to keep the place he had, and not to run from place to place. He seemed much moved, and so was I. I sat in the buckboard, and he stood by the hind wheel, so that I had to turn to look at him.

I gave him a little lecture, telling him that I had carried out my promise to his dying mother as far as I could, having taken much trouble with him, as well as being put to a good deal of expense, because of that promise, and that now he had taken the matter out of my hands by leaving me. All I demanded of him was that he should lead a respectable life and be industrious, honest, and upright, and I would be satisfied. When I turned to look at him the tears were rolling down his cheeks and he thanked me and said he would try.

I started on my lonely drive of fourteen miles about 6 o'clock.

My thoughts were ample company, for I have much to plan out.

All winter I have been looking forward with great pleasure to a visit from a charming English friend who stayed with me once a few years ago. She has made a trip around the world with her maid and physician and was coming here on her way from San Francisco to New York, but after a visit in Mexico, for some reason the physician thought it would be unwise for her to come to this remote plantation, so far from railroad, telegraph, and I suppose he thought from civilization. Mrs. R. wrote to tell me of her disappointment at this and to ask me to make her a visit in New York instead, and begging me to bring Chloe with me. This royally generous invitation I have accepted, and my mind is much occupied as how to arrange for the care of everything in the absence of two such important people as Chloe and myself.