Chapter III: Part 3

“Jimminie Christmas!” he shouted, “there’s building blocks and dolls, chairs and tables and everything! Come on in!”

The Teenie Weenies followed the Dunce to a nursery where they found all sorts of pretty toys. The little folks enjoyed themselves for some time looking at the many playthings, but the thing they liked most was a beautiful arch or house made out of building blocks.

Of course, the Dunce had to climb to the very top of the house, where he sat shouting at the Teenie Weenies below.

[‡Illustration: Dunce falling down]

“Jinks!” he cried, “you get a dandy view up here; I can see way over to the other side of the room.”

“You’d better come down,” warned the Doctor. “The first thing you know you’ll fall off and break your foolish neck.”

At this moment the Clown, who had been balancing himself on a spool, suddenly slipped and went crashing into the house.

“Run for your lives!” screamed the Cook, as the house toppled forward. One of the small boys, who had started to climb up the house, clung screaming to the column and the Dunce gave a mighty leap off the top, while those who were on the floor ran with all their might.

The house came crashing down and it was the luckiest thing in the world that no one was badly hurt. Outside of being badly scared and pretty well shaken up the small boy and Dunce were none the worse for their fall.

“This is a fine pickle,” said the General. “Now we’ll have to get pulleys and ropes and build this house up again just as we found it.”

[‡Illustration: Boy with nail]

The Teenie Weenies hurried home for the necessary tools and it took fully four hours of hard work to build the house again just as they had found it. The little folks did the work so well that the child who had first built the house never suspected for a moment what had happened to it.

That night Rufus Rhyme wrote a verse about the Dunce’s fall. It was called “Humpty Dumpty Dunce,” and here it is just as the Poet set it down:

Twenty times a day or more, the Dunce goes tumbling on the floor,
He must be made of iron and rocks to stand so many bumpy knocks.

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THE ARMY IS PUT TO ROUT

THE old derby hat which the Teenie Weenies used as a school house was also used as an armory. The second floor was given over to the army and here the little soldiers drilled every Wednesday night.

Their tiny guns and uniforms were kept in little cases which stood around the room. The uniforms were spotless and the tiny guns shone as bright as the new moon.

About four times a year the General ordered the army out for a practice march. “It toughens the men up and makes better soldiers out of them,” he said, and most of the little soldiers seemed to like the experience.

One morning a tiny paper was pasted on the bulletin board and this is what it said, just as it was written by the General:

SPECIAL NOTICE
Thursday morning at eight o’clock every
enrolled member of the army will meet at the
armory for a practice march to the big woods
and back.
The General,
Commander in chief of the
Teenie Weenie army.

“Ah, crickety!” growled the Dunce, when he had read the notice. “It’s too cold to go marchin’ around in the snow.”

“It won’t hurt you any,” said Paddy Pinn, who was standing near. “It’s good for you—that’s what it is—it’s good for you.”

“It may be good for me all right,” answered the Dunce, “but it would be much better for me to be sittin’ in front of the fire in weather like this.”

On Thursday morning the little men gathered at the armory promptly at eight o’clock and when they had slipped into their uniforms the General stepped onto a little platform, at one side of the room, and made a speech.

“Men,” he began, “while we get a great deal of good drilling in the armory once a week, it is quite necessary for us to get out of doors occasionally. We need the long marches to keep the army in good shape, for we never know just when it may be necessary to tackle a hard task and it is very wise to be prepared.”

The soldiers formed in line in front of the school house and when the command was given the little army swung off, led by the General, who looked every inch a commander, sitting astride a big gray mouse.

As the little army trudged along through the snow they were suddenly thrown into a panic by the unexpected appearance of a huge rabbit, who popped into view over a snow bank directly in their path.

The appearance of the rabbit was so sudden the little army were frightened half out of their wits, and most of the soldiers turned and ran, in spite of the commands of the Old Soldier.

The mouse, on which the General rode, reared up on his hind feet, and the General was tumbled off into the snow.

“Well! Well! This is rather unusual!” cried the rabbit. “This is the first time I ever saw anybody run away from me; I’m usually the one that runs.”

The rabbits voice was so pleasant the Teenie Weenies felt quite sure he would not harm them and soon they were gathered all about the big fellow, feeling his soft fur and asking many questions.

“Great grief!” exploded the General, picking himself up and brushing the snow off his coat. “That’s a fine way to come bouncing onto an army. You came on us so quietly and suddenly you gave us a great start.”

“I have to go along quietly,” said the rabbit. “I have to sneak around, for there are so many hunters and dogs, who are always on the lookout for us poor rabbits. This spring I had thirty-three sons and daughters and now—now I am a widower with only seventeen children. Only last night I had to call in old Doc. Woodchuck to take some shot out of my oldest boy’s skin.”

“Ah, Mr. Rabbit,” cried the Poet, “your sad story has given me an idea for a verse. While you were talking to my friends here I have been scribbling and with your kind permission I’ll recite what I’ve written.”

“I would be delighted to hear it if it isn’t too long,” said the rabbit. “You see, I’ve got to always be on the jump; can’t stay very long in one place.”

[‡Illustration: Rabbit in the snow]

“This verse is very short,” said the Poet. “In fact, it is no longer than its name. It’s called ‘The Tale of a Rabbit.’”

“The rabbit’s life is full of strife,
His days are short and few;
For dodging shot becomes his lot
From the cradle to the stew.”

“A very truthful and beautiful piece of poetry,” said the rabbit, brushing a tear from his furry cheek. “I hope you will excuse me now, for I must hurry home and call the roll and see whether any more of my children are missing.”

The Teenie Weenie soldiers watched the rabbit hop away and then they fell into line and continued their march to the big woods.

Paddy Pinn and the Cook had gone ahead of the army with food for the soldiers. They drove one of the army wagons, which was pulled by a team of mice, and when the hungry little soldiers arrived they found a thimble full of hot soup and other good things to eat.

After the men had rested for a time they set out on the trip home, where they arrived safely, a tired but happy and rosy, cheeked army.

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COUGHING SYRUP

“GENERAL,” said the Doctor, walking into the Teenie Weenie sitting room where the General sat before the fireplace, “I need some help.”

“What’s the trouble, Doc? Has the Dunce been getting into trouble again?”

[‡Illustration: A plate]

“No,” answered the Doctor, “that bump he got the other day when he tumbled off the block house ought to keep him steady for a while,” and the Doctor drew up a chair and sat down, while the General threw several matches onto the fire.

“What I wanted to tell you was this,” continued the Doctor. “Several of the children have a bad cough and—”

“I knew it, I knew it,” cried the Old Soldier. “I knew they’d get their feet wet. They were over in the garden yesterday, sliding on some ice in a saucer, and I told them that ice was dreadfully thin and it would break, and they’d slip in and get wet and catch their death of cold.”

“You’re right,” said the Doctor, “they got their feet wet, caught bad colds, and I haven’t a bit of cough syrup in the house.”

“I know where there’s some,” cried the Clown, who had been listening to the conversation. “The Dunce and I were looking for some pills to use as bowling balls, and we saw a big bottle of cough syrup on the bathroom window sill of that house next door.”

“We’ll go over and get some for you, Doc,” said the General. “It will do us good to have the exercise.”

Glad of an excuse to get out, the Teenie Weenies were soon on their way after the cough syrup.

The window sill on which the bottle of syrup stood was very high, but the Clown and the Cowboy soon climbed to the top. Lowering a piece of thread that two Teenie Weenies had carried between them for just such use, they soon pulled the rest of the little people up beside them.

[‡Illustration: Teenie Weenie and spoon]

“Now,” said the Turk, who had been examining the bottle of syrup, “four or five of you fellows get hold and tip the bottle, and I’ll hold the spoon somebody has thoughtfully left beside it, while you pour out a dose.”

“Goodness gracious,” cried the Lady of Fashion, “we don’t need a whole spoonful!”

“Well, it says on the bottle, one teaspoonful for children,”’ said the Turk.

“So it does, so it does,” cried the little lady, as she stood on her tip toes and carefully read the label on the bottle.

“You see I’m right, don’t you?” asked the Turk. “The Doctor told me to read carefully what it said on the bottle, and to bring about three doses. It says one teaspoonful is a dose for children, so we’ll take about three spoonfuls.”

[‡Illustration: Bottle]

“But that does seem an awful lot of medicine,” said the Lady of Fashion doubtfully.

“It makes no difference,” announced the Turk, “I’m going according to directions.”

The Teenie Weenies poured out three spoonfuls of the syrup, which filled half an English walnut shell.

“Mercy on us,” cried the Doctor, when he saw the Teenie Weenies carrying the heavy load of syrup up the walk to the shoe house, “you don’t bathe in cough syrup.”

“Well,” muttered the Turk, “I went according to directions.”

“The directions are all right for big children,” laughed the Doctor, “but ours are Teenie Weenie children.”

“Oh, my,” exclaimed the Turk. “I never thought of that!”

“Well we can put it away and keep it,” said the Doctor, “for it’s likely we’ll need it again before the winter is over.”

[‡Illustration: Teenie Weenies falling off can]

The Doctor took out enough of the syrup to give the children each several doses and the rest was put in the half of a large English walnut. It was then carried to the cellar, covered tightly and put away for future use.

Of course the Dunce had to get into trouble while the rest of the Teenie Weenies were getting the syrup.

He climbed to the top of a talcum powder box, which stood on the window sill, and when he tried to pull the Chinaman up the foolish fellow slipped and tumbled off. He nearly fell on top of Zip, but that little chap managed to get safely out of the way.

The Dunce was badly shaken up by the fall and he almost knocked out one of his teenie weenie teeth.

“That’s the last time I’ll ever try climbing onto a talcum powder box,” he said as he felt the tooth which had been bumped. “They’re so awful slippery.”

[‡Illustration: Two Teenie Weenies carrying water]

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THE CLOWN HAS A NARROW ESCAPE

“WELL, we’re goin’ to have a change in the weather,” announced Grandpa, as he peered out the tiny sitting room window at the sky.

“What makes you think so?” asked the Turk, who was playing checkers with the Cook.

“That toe of mine is hurting,” answered the old man, “and that’s a sure sign there’s going to be a change,” and with this prophecy Grandpa shuffled upstairs to bed.

Grandpa was quite right about the change in the weather, for it grew cold in the night, and the Lady of Fashion, who had to get up about midnight to give several of the children their cough syrup, noticed that the snow was falling.

In the morning the ground was covered with almost an inch of soft white snow and the little people shivered as they slipped on their tiny clothes.

After breakfast, several of the Teenie Weenies went out to play in the snow, but most of the little people were contented to sit before the warm fire.

“This snow storm reminds me of an experience of mine in forty-nine,” said Grandpa, who pulled his chair so near the fire he almost scorched his shins. “I was cuttin’ up an old ruler for fire wood one afternoon, when—”

“HELP! HELP!” screamed a voice from the outside.

“What’s that?” cried the General, jumping to his feet.

Suddenly the front door burst open, and a frightened Teenie Weenie boy sprang into the room.

“Quick—help,” panted the small boy. “The Clown has broken through the ice, and—and he—he can’t get out! Quick—help!”

“Land sakes,” cried the General, “where’s the Clown!”

“He’s over in the chicken yard, in a pan of wa-water,” gasped the small boy.

With all speed the Teenie Weenies made their way to the chicken yard. As they hurried up to the pan they could hear the Clown faintly crying for help. The Turk and the Cook boosted the Sailor up to the top of the pan, where he caught on, and pulled himself over the edge. The poor Clown’s head was only just out of the water, and he was holding fast to the edge of the ice.

“Throw me a board or a match, or something strong,” shouted the Sailor to the others, waiting below. At once the little people began to dig about in the snow for the desired board.

“Oh dear,” cried the Dunce, “if we only had a straw! I’ve always heard that a drowning man catches at a straw!”

“Here,” shouted the Old Soldier. “Here’s a burnt match, but it’s frozen to the ground!”

The Turk grabbed the match and with a mighty heave he pulled it free and threw it up to the waiting Sailor. The Sailor carefully pushed the match out across the hole, and with its help he soon pulled the half frozen Clown from the water.

[‡Illustration: Frozen bowl]

The poor fellow was carried quickly to the shoe house, where he was given a hot bath, wrapped up in a warm comforter and set before the fireplace. The Cook made cocoa for the Clown and brought it to him steaming hot.

“J-J-J-Jimminie f-f-f-fishhooks,” stuttered the Dunce, as he watched the Clown sip the delicious cocoa, “I-I-I-I wish I’d have fallen into the pan so I could get some of that good cocoa.”

“You don’t need to fall into a pan to get some,” laughed the kind hearted little Cook, “I’ll bring you some,” and in a few seconds he handed the Dunce a steaming cup.

“Crickety, but this is good,” cried the Dunce, as he sat down beside the Clown. “J-J-J-Jimminie, I’m glad you fell into that pan.”

“So am I,” answered the Clown, as he drained his cup.

“Now I want you to tell me how this happened,” said the General when the Clown had finished his cocoa.

“Why, a couple of us were skating,” said the Clown, “and all at once the ice cracked, and—and I fell in!”

“Now then, I don’t want to hear of any more skating in pans,” said the General, shaking his finger at the open-mouthed Teenie Weenies, standing about.

“Yes, sir,” several meekly answered.

“That is,” continued the General, “unless they are shallow pie pans, out of which you could wade. Remember!”

“We will,” promised the little people.

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A SQUIRREL TO THE RESCUE

THE weather continued cold for several days and the Teenie Weenies enjoyed almost a solid week of skating. An old dripping pan, which stood under a water spout at the corner of a big house near by, made a wonderful place to try out their tiny skates.

The ice was fully an inch thick, and as it was frozen solid it made a safe place to skate. The little people had a fine time on the smooth ice, but at the end of the week a thaw set in and they were forced to walk for their exercise.

“I’d advise you people to all go out and take a long walk, for I’m going to have a dandy dinner and I want you to have good appetites so you’ll enjoy it,” said the Cook Sunday morning as he stood tying on his apron in the Teenie Weenie dining room door.

“Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you going to-to-to have for dinner?” asked the Dunce. “A baked prune?”

“Well, here’s the menu,” grinned the Cook. “Potato soup, planked minnow, mashed peas and grape salad. For dessert we’ll have a date stuffed with chopped nuts and whipped cream.”

“Oh, good, good!” shouted the Dunce, catching the Lady of Fashion around the waist and dancing about the room.

In a few minutes the Teenie Weenies bundled themselves into their warm muffs, sweaters and mittens and started out on a long walk.

“Let’s go down and see if the creek is frozen over,” said the General. “I haven’t been down that way for a long time, and it will make a nice walk for us.”

There was quite a lot of snow on the ground, but as it was rather solid the little people were able to walk on it without much trouble, and in a short time they stood on the bank of the creek. For some time the Teenie Weenies stood watching the huge cakes of ice as they floated down the stream. In order to get a better view, the Lady of Fashion and the Doctor stepped out on a piece of ice which had not been broken away from the bank, and, to the horror of the little people, the piece of ice on which they stood snapped off and floated out into the surging stream.

It was impossible to swim among the sharp cakes of ice, as a Teenie Weenie would have been ground to pieces, for some of the cakes of ice were as big as soda crackers.

“Oh, jimminie crickets!” cried the frightened Dunce. “The Lady of Fashion and the Doctor will be drowned and then they won’t get any of that go-go-good dinner the Cook is getting ready for us,” and the poor Dunce burst into tears.

[‡Illustration: Frozen stream]

“Hold on a minute, Doc!” shouted a voice, and to the astonishment of the frightened Teenie Weenies a squirrel ran up a bush which hung over the stream. Hanging by his front feet, the squirrel swung his body down over the stream so that his bushy tail was only an inch or two from the water, and as the Lady of Fashion and the Doctor floated by he yelled to the Doctor to catch on.

Catching the Lady of Fashion about the waist, the Doctor grabbed the tail and the squirrel quickly pulled the two Teenie Weenies up to the bush, down which they safely crawled to the bank.

The Teenie Weenies were not the only ones who enjoyed a good dinner that day, for the little people presented the squirrel and his wife with four hickory nuts, five English walnuts, and a half dozen almonds for his bravery in rescuing the Lady of Fashion and the Doctor.

[‡Illustration: Walnuts]

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[‡Illustration: Hat house]

A CHRISTMAS PRESENT

ON CHRISTMAS morning the Dunce was first to jump out of bed. While he was getting into his teenie weenie clothes he happened to glance out of the tiny window.

“G-G-G-G-Great c-c-c-cat f-f-f-fish!” he yelled, and his eyes nearly popped out of his head, for on the walk before the school house stood a huge box.

“Get up, J-J-Jerry,” cried the Dunce, pulling the bed clothes from the sleeping Clown. “There’s a C-C-C-Christmas p-p-p-present out in the front yard and it’s as big as, as, as a—jimminie—it’s as big as everything,” and the Dunce dashed out of the house at top speed.

All the little folks had been awakened by the noisy Dunce and in a few minutes they came pouring out of the shoe house like a stream of water.

“It’s got a stamp on it and everything,” shouted the excited Dunce, who had crawled up onto the box. “It’s addressed to us too. The mail man must have left it. Hooray!” and the Dunce danced in such a comical way that all the little folks nearly burst from laughing.

Some kind person had sent the little people a pound box of candy and they were too excited to eat their breakfast, so the General told them they could open the box at once.

It took a great deal of labor for the little folks to cut away the paper and remove the box cover.

“Oh WHILLIKER!” howled the Dunce when the cover had been removed, “it’s full of chocolates and bon bons, and great cats’ eyes, there’s a stick of peppermint candy.”

“I don’t know where in the world we’re going to store all this candy,” said the General. “There’s enough to last us a year.”

“You can store it in my bed room,” cried the Dunce, “only leave just enough room for me to sleep in!”

“You mean, leave enough room so you can eat yourself to death,” laughed the Cowboy.

“We can put a little of it in the cellar,” said the Cook. “Maybe two or three pieces.”

“There’s room for four or five pieces in the tool house,” suggested the Old Soldier, “and I think we can put the rest in the upper floor of the school house.”

It was decided to store as much as possible in the school house and the little men began carrying the candy in as fast as they could.

“We can’t put any more in here,” shouted the Old Soldier, who came running out of the school house after several pieces had been stored away. “We’ve stored eight chocolates and a stick of peppermint upstairs and the beams have begun to bend. The floor will come tumbling down if we put another piece up there.”

Other places had to be found to store the candy and when the last piece had been put away there wasn’t a bit of vacant space left anywhere in the little houses under the rose bush.

“Great grief!” exclaimed the General, when the last piece had been tucked away, “we’ll have enough candy to last us the rest of our natural lives.”

“Don’t you worry about that, General,” cried the Dunce. “I can eat a whole chocolate myself.”

After the Teenie Weenies had eaten their Christmas dinner, a whole chocolate was placed on the table and every one of the little people was allowed to eat all the candy he wanted.

The Dunce ate himself sick, but the next morning he was ready for more and the General made up his mind that the candy would not last as long as he first thought it would.

Several of the candies were stuffed with nuts and these the Teenie Weenies gave to their friend the squirrel, but most of it they kept for themselves and several pieces are still stored, this very minute, in the little houses under the rose bush.

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MOTHER BUNCH DRINKS A TOAST

“WELL my toe is on the rampage again,” announced Grandpa, several evenings after the rescue of the Doctor and the Lady of Fashion. “Whenever that old toe gets to hurtin’, just look out for a change in the weather. It’ll be mighty cold tomorrow or I’m no weather prophet.”

“I hope it gets cold enough to freeze the ice again. That’s what I do,” cried Paddy Pinn, who was fond of skating, and had some new racing skates that he was anxious to try.

“I remember once in forty-nine,” said Grandpa, “when the ice was frozen about six inches deep. I had to—” But he got no further with his story, for the Teenie Weenies started upstairs to bed and the old gentleman soon followed their example.

The next morning the weather was very cold and the Teenie Weenies were quite happy to stay indoors where it was warm and comfortable.

The Chinaman was braver than the rest, for that little chap wrapped himself up good and warm and set out to visit a mouse that lived near the rosebush.

“Hey, there, you Chinaman!” shouted a voice, as the little fellow hurried past a chicken yard.

The Chinaman glanced up at a huge chicken head that smiled down at him through the slats on the fence, and taking off his hat he made a very polite bow.

“Glood mornings,” said the little chap. “It muchee clold mornings.”

“Cold!” exclaimed the old hen, “I should say it was! I feel just like a feathered icicle and I wish I had a pair of nice warm felt boots for my feet—they’re as cold as a doorknob.”

“Allee same me muchee sorry and me will give you me muffler,” said the little fellow, unwinding the tiny scarf from about his neck.

“I’m much obliged, I’m much obliged, but, whistling gizzard, that little muffler of yours wouldn’t keep my little toe nail warm,” laughed the old hen. “However, there is something you can do for me which would help me a great deal.”

“Allee same you tell me and me be muchee glad to help,” cried the Chinaman.

“Well,” said Mother Bunch, for that was the old hen’s name, “I’m as dry as a Saratoga chip. I haven’t had a drink for three days. There’s a pan of water in my coop, but it’s froze. I beg your pardon, I mean frozen. I’ve pecked at the ice with my bill until it’s as sore as an ingrowing pin feather and I haven’t made a dent in it.”

“Allee same me tell Gleneral and he come up klick and chop hole in ice,” shouted the Chinaman.

“That’s the idea! That’s the idea!” exclaimed the old hen. “You see the folks who feed me just throw the corn into the pen and they never look at the pan of water and of course they never suspect that it’s frozen. If you’ll tell the General to come over and cut a hole so I can get a drink you will be doing an old lady a great favor.”

“Me tell’m klick,” cried the Chinaman, and off he ran for the shoe house as fast as he could.

The Chinaman told his story to the General and a few minutes later a number of the little people were on their way to Mrs. Bunch’s coop. The old hen saw the little people coming and she was so excited she sat down and laid an egg right before the Teenie Weenies.

In just a few minutes the little folks set about cutting a hole in the ice, and it was quite a hard task, for the water was frozen to the depth of one Teenie Weenie foot.

“Well, here’s to your health,” said Mother Bunch when the little men had chopped a hole through the ice, and dipping her big yellow beak into the cold water she filled her bill and raising her head she let it trickle down her throat.

The pan which held the old hen’s water had a long handle and the Dunce thought it great fun to crawl up on the handle and slide down to the edge of the pan. He did this several times with great success, but finally failed to catch the edge of the pan and he slid off onto the ice, and dropped kersplash into the cold water.

He was dragged out by the Turk and was sent home in disgrace, to the great amusement of the old hen.

Mrs. Bunch presented the egg she laid to the Teenie Weenies for their kindness, and the little people went home, happy to have such a friendly neighbor.

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● Transcriber’s Notes:
○ Missing or obscured punctuation was corrected.
○ Unbalanced quotation marks were left as the author intended.
○ Typographical errors were silently corrected.
○ Spelling and hyphenation were made consistent when a predominant
form was found in this book; otherwise it was not changed.
○ Illustrations marked with ‡ were created by the transcriber.
○ Text in italics is enclosed by underscores (_italics_).