Chapter I

AN =A=LPHA=B=ET
OF =C=ELEBRITIES

Oliver Herford

BOSTON
SMALL, MAYNARD & COMPANY
=1899=

COPYRIGHT 1899 BY
=SMALL, MAYNARD & COMPANY=
=(INCORPORATED)=
ENTERED AT STATIONERS' HALL

=THE HEINTZEMANN PRESS=
BOSTON U.S.A.

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|Transcriber's note: |
| |
|In this text = has been used to indicate text coloured orange.|
+--------------------------------------------------------------+

An Alphabet
of Celebrities

=A='s =A=lbert Edward, well meaning but flighty,
Who invited King =A=rthur, the blameless and mighty,
To meet =A=lcibiades and =A=phrodite.

=B= is for =B=ernhardt, who fails to awaken
Much feeling in =B=ismarck, =B=arabbas, and =B=acon.

=C= is =C=olumbus, who tries to explain
How to balance an egg--to the utter disdain
Of =C=onfucius, =C=arlyle, =C=leopatra, and =C=ain.

=D='s for =D=iogenes, =D=arwin, and =D=ante,
Who delight in the dance Of a =D=arling Bacchante.

=E= is for =E=dison, making believe
He's invented a clever contrivance for =E=ve,
Who complained that she never could laugh in her sleeve.

=F= is for =F=ranklin, who fearfully shocks
The feelings of =F=enelon, =F=aber, and =F=ox.

=G= is =G=odiva, whose great bareback feat
She kindly but firmly declines to repeat,
Though =G=ounod and =G=oldsmith implore and entreat.

=H= is for =H=andel, who pours out his soul
Through the bagpipes to =H=owells and =H=omer, who roll
On the floor in an ecstasy past all control.

=I= is for =I=bsen, reciting a play
While =I=rving and =I=ngersoll hasten away.

=J= is for =J=ohnson, who only says "Pish!"
To =J=onah, who tells him his tale of a fish.

=K= is the =K=aiser, who kindly repeats
Some original verses to =K=ipling and =K=eats.

=L= is =L=afontaine, who finds he's unable
To interest =L=uther and =L=iszt in his fable,
While =L=oie continues to dance on the table.

=M= is =M=acduff, who's prevailed upon =M=ilton
And =M=ontaigne and =M=anon to each try a kilt on.

=N= is =N=apoleon, shrouded in gloom,
With =N=ero, =N=arcissus, and =N=ordau, to whom
He's explaining the manual of arms with a broom.

=O= is for =O=liver, casting aspersion
On =O=mar, that awfully dissolute Persian,
Though secretly longing to join the diversion.

=P= is for =P=eter, who hollers "No! No!"
Through the keyhole to =P=aine, =P=aderewski, and =P=oe.

=Q= is the =Q=ueen, so noble and free--
_For further particulars look under V._

=R='s =R=ubenstein, playing that old thing in F
To =R=ollo and =R=embrandt, who wish they were deaf.

=S= is for =S=winburne, who, seeking the true, the good, and the beautiful, visits the Zoo,
Where he chances on =S=appho and Mr. =S=ardou,
And =S=ocrates, all with the same end in view.

=T= is for =T=alleyrand toasting Miss =T=ruth,
By the side of her well, in a glass of vermouth,
And presenting Mark =T=wain as the friend of his youth.

=U= is for =U=ndine, pursuing =U=lysses
And =U=mberto, who flee her damp, death-dealing kisses.

=V= is =V=ictoria, noble and true--
_For further particulars look under Q._

=W='s =W=agner, who sang and played lots for =W=ashington, =W=esley, and good Doctor =W=atts.
His prurient plots pained =W=esley and =W=atts,
But =W=ashington said he "enjoyed them in spots."

=X= is =X=antippe, who's having her say,
And frightening the army of =X=erxes away.

=Y= is for =Y=oung, the great Mormon saint,
Who thinks little =Y=um =Y=um and =Y=vette so quaint,
He has to be instantly held in restraint.

=Z= is for =Z=ola, presenting _La Terre_
To =Z=enobia the brave and =Z=uleika the fair,
Whose blushes they artfully conceal with their hair.

This =Alphabet of Celebrities= written & pictured by Oliver
Herford with a border & initial letters by Bertram Grosvenor Goodhue
and end papers & cover design by E. B. Bird is printed for Small
Maynard & Company at the Heintzemann Press in Boston U. S. A. in the
month of November =MDCCCXCIX=

End of Project Gutenberg's An Alphabet of Celebrities, by Oliver Herford