Chapter LXXXVII: Letter 199: To Allsop

January 25th, 1822.

Dearest Friend,

My main reason for wishing that Mrs. Gillman should have made her call on Mrs. Allsop, or that Mrs. Allsop would waive the ceremony, and taking the willingness for the act, and the præsens _in rus_ (if Highgate deserves that name) for the future _in urbe_, would accompany you hither, on the earliest day convenient to you both, is, that I cannot help feeling the old inkling to press you to spend the Sunday with me, and yet feel a something like impropriety in so doing. Speaking confidentially, _et inter nosmet_, if it were prognosticable that dear Charles would be half as delightful as when we were last with him, and as pleasant relatively to the probable impressions on a stranger to him as Mary always is, I should still ask you to fulfil our first expectation. As it is, I must be content to wish it; and leave the rest to your knowledge of the circumstantial pro's and con's. Only remember, that what is dear to you becomes dear to me, and that whatever can in the least add to happiness in which you are interested, is a duty which I cannot neglect without injury to my own. _I am convinced that your happiness is in your own possession._

One part of your letter gave me exceeding comfort--that in which you spoke of the peculiar sentiment awakened or inspired _at first sight_. _This is an article of my philosophic creed._

And now for my pupil schemes. Need I say that the verdict of your judgment, after a sufficient hearing, would determine me to abandon a plan of the expediency and probable result of which I was less sceptical than I am of the present? But first let me learn from you whether you had before your mind, at the moment that you formed your opinion, the circumstance of my being already in some sort engaged to _one_ pupil already: that with Mr. Stutfield and Mr. Watson I have already proceeded on two successive Thursdays, and completed the introduction and the first chapter, amounting to somewhat more than a closely-printed octavo sheet, requiring no such revision as would render transcription necessary; and that three or four more young men at the table will make no addition, or rather no change. Mr. Gillman thought my agreeing to receive Stutfield advisable. Mrs. G. did not indeed influence me by any express wish, but thought that this was the most likely way in which my work would proceed with regularity and constancy; in short, it was, or seemed to be, a _bird in the hand_, that, in conjunction with other reliable sources, would remove my anxiety with regard to _increasing_ any positive pressure on their finances of former years; so that if I could not lessen, I should prevent the deficit from growing. On all these grounds I did--I need not say down right--_engage_ myself, but I certainly permitted Mr. Stutfield to make the trial in such a form that I scarcely know whether I can, in the spirit of the expectation I excited, be the first to cry _off_, he appearing fully satisfied and in good earnest. Now, supposing this to be the state of the case, how would my work fare the better by dictating it to two amanuenses instead of five or six, if I get so many? For the occasional explanations, and the necessity of removing difficulties and misapprehensions, are a real advantage in a work which I am peculiarly solicitous to have "level with the plainest capacities." To be sure, on the other hand, I _might_ go on three days in the week instead of one, and let the work outrun the lectures, but just so I _might_ on the plan of an increased number of auditors; and secondly, so many little obstacles start up when it is not _fore_-known that on such a day I _must_ do so and so. I need not explain myself further. You can understand the "I would not ask you, but it is only--" "and but that--" "I pray do not take any _time_ about it," etc., etc., added to my _startings_ off.

If I do not see you on Sunday, do not fail to write to me, for of course I shall take no step till I am quite certain that your judgment is _satisfied_ one way or other, for I am with unwrinkled confidence and inmost reclination,

Your affectionate friend,
S. T. COLERIDGE.
T. Allsop, Esq.

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It will be seen from this letter that Coleridge was falling behind with his Board money due to Gillman: hence his anxiety to form a philosophical class composed of Mr. Seth Watson, Mr. Stutfield, and others.