Chapter I

New Novels

6/-

THE QUESTION

By Parry Truscott

Author of "Catherine"

THE WICKED WORLD

By Alice Maud Meadows

Author of "The Dukedom of Portsea"

JOHN MARVEL

By Thomas Nelson Page

Author of "Red Rock"

By MARY GAUNT

The Uncounted Cost

Part Author of "The Silent Ones"

By HALLIWELL SUTCLIFFE

A Winter's Comedy

A Tale of Yorkshire

By VICTORIA CROSS

The Eternal Fires

Contains portrait of Author in Colours

By SHAN F. BULLOCK

Master John

Author of "Robert Thorne"

By STANLEY PORTAL HYATT

Black Sheep

Author of "The Marriage of Hilary Carden"

_BIOGRAPHY_

_FOR_

_BEGINNERS_

Fine Editions of this Book

are also issued

at 2/6 net and 6/- net

BIOGRAPHY

FOR

BEGINNERS

BEING A COLLECTION OF MISCELLANEOUS EXAMPLES FOR THE USE OF UPPER FORMS

Edited by E. CLERIHEW, B.A. With 40 Diagrams by G. K. CHESTERTON

LONDON T. WERNER LAURIE CLIFFORD'S INN

LIST OF CONTENTS

Introductory Remarks

Sir Christopher Wren

Miguel de Cervantes

George Bernard Shaw

Sir Humphrey Davy

J. S. Mill

François Liszt

Lord Clive

King Edward the Confessor

The Rev. John Clifford, M.A., LL.B., D.D.

Messrs Chapman & Hall

Karl Marx

Otto the Great

Marconi

David Hume

Mr H. Belloc

Job

Pizarro

The Duke of Fife, K.T., P.C., G.C.V.O.

The Duke of Wellington

John Bunyan

George Hirst

Erasmus and the Humanists

Besant and Rice

Tiziano Vecelli

Professor James Dewar, F.R.S.

Sir Walter Raleigh

Jane Austen

Odo of Bayeux

David Ricardo

Sir Thomas à Mallory

Mr Alfred Beit

Cimabue

President Roosevelt

Robert Harley, Earl of Oxford

Sir Alexander Fuller Acland-Hood, M.P.

Mahomet

Edvard Grieg

Jan Van Eyck

Mr T. Werner Laurie

Index of Psychology

INTRODUCTORY REMARKS

The Art of Biography
Is different from Geography.
Geography is about Maps,
But Biography is about Chaps.

SIR CHRISTOPHER WREN

Sir Christopher Wren
Said, "I am going to dine with some men.
"If anybody calls
"Say I am designing St. Paul's."

MIGUEL DE CERVANTES

The people of Spain think Cervantes
Equal to half-a-dozen Dantes:
An opinion resented most bitterly
By the people of Italy.

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

Mr Bernard Shaw
Was just setting out for the war,
When he heard it was a dangerous trade
And demonstrably underpaid.

SIR HUMPHREY DAVY

Sir Humphrey Davy
Abominated gravy.
He lived in the odium
Of having discovered Sodium.

J. S. MILL

John Stuart Mill,
By a mighty effort of will,
Overcame his natural bonhomie
And wrote "Principles of Political Economy."

FRANÇOIS LISZT

The Abbé Liszt
Hit the piano with his fist.
That was the way
He used to play.

LORD CLIVE

What I like about Clive
Is that he is no longer alive.
There is a great deal to be said
For being dead.

KING EDWARD THE CONFESSOR

Edward the Confessor
Slept under the dresser.
When that began to pall,
He slept in the hall.

THE REV. JOHN CLIFFORD M.A., LL.B., D.D.

Dr Clifford
And I have differed.
He disapproves of gin:
I disapprove of sin.

MESSRS CHAPMAN & HALL

Chapman & Hall
Swore not at all.
Mr Chapman's yea was yea,
And Mr Hall's nay was nay.

KARL MARX

Karl Marx
Was completely wrapped up in his sharks.
The poor creatures seriously missed him
While he was attacking the capitalist system.

OTTO THE GREAT

The great Emperor Otto
Could not decide upon a motto.
His mind wavered between
"L'Etat C'est Moi" and "Ich Dien."

MARCONI

Guglielmo Marconi
Was brought up on macaroni,
But when he gets it now
There's no end of a row.

DAVID HUME

That you have all heard of Hume
I tacitly assume;
But you didn't know, perhaps,
That his parents were Lapps.

MR H. BELLOC

Mr Hilaire Belloc
Is a case for legislation ad hoc.
He seems to think nobody minds
His books being all of different kinds.

JOB

It is understood that Job
Never read "The Globe;"
But nothing could be higher than
His opinion of Leviathan.

PIZARRO

The views of Pizarro
Were perhaps a little narrow.
He killed the Caciques
Because (he said) they were sneaks.

THE DUKE OF FIFE K.T., P.C., G.C.V.O.

It looked bad when the Duke of Fife
Left off using a knife;
But people began to talk
When he left off using a fork.

THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON

The great Duke of Wellington
Reduced himself to a skellington.
He reached seven stone two,
And then----Waterloo!

JOHN BUNYAN

I do not extenuate Bunyan's
Intemperate use of onions,
But if I knew a wicked ogress
I would lend her "The Pilgrim's Progress."

GEORGE HIRST

When I faced the bowling of Hirst
I ejaculated, "Do your worst!"
He said, "Right you are, Sid."
----And he did.

ERASMUS AND THE HUMANISTS

After dinner, Erasmus
Told Colet not to be "blas'mous"
Which Colet, with some heat,
Requested him to repeat.

BESANT AND RICE

Sir (then Mr) Walter Besant
Would never touch pheasant,
But Mr James Rice
Thought it so nice.

TIZIANO VECELLI

When the great Titian
Was in a critical condition,
He was carefully nursed
By Francis the First.

PROFESSOR JAMES DEWAR, F.R.S.

Professor Dewar
Is a better man than you are.
None of you asses
Can condense gases.

SIR WALTER RALEIGH

Sir Walter Raleigh
Bickered down the valley.
But he could do better than the rill,
For he could bicker up-hill.

JANE AUSTEN

The novels of Jane Austen
Are the ones to get lost in.

* * * * *

I wonder if Labby
Has read "Northanger Abbey?"

ODO OF BAYEUX

Archbishop Odo
Was just in the middle of "Dodo,"
When he remembered that it was Sunday.
"Sic transit gloria mundi."

DAVID RICARDO

The intrepid Ricardo
With characteristic bravado,
Alluded openly to Rent
Wherever he went.

SIR THOMAS À MALLORY

Sir Thomas à Mallory
Always went to the gallery.
He said, not without nous,
That it was the best place in the house.

MR ALFRED BEIT

Mr Alfred Beit
Screamed suddenly in the night.
When they asked him why
He made no reply.

CIMABUE

When they told Cimabue
He didn't know how to cooee,
He replied, "Perhaps I mayn't,
But I do know how to paint."

PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT

If only Mr Roosevelt
Knew how officers in the Blues felt,
He wouldn't be so rife
With his Strenuous Life.

ROBERT HARLEY, EARL OF OXFORD

People wondered why Harley
Sang "Wae's me for Prince Charlie."
"It is childish," they said, "to mourn
For a person not yet born."

SIR ALEXANDER FULLER ACLAND-HOOD, M.P.

Sir Alexander Acland-Hood
Believed in Free Food:
But he was Eleusinian
About this opinion.

MAHOMET

I am not Mahomet.
----Far from it.
That is the mistake
All of you seem to make.

EDVARD GRIEG

The musician Grieg
Joined the Primrose League.
It gave him the idea of his chorus,
"The Unburied Ichthyosaurus."

JAN VAN EYCK

The younger Van Eyck
Was christened Jan, and not Mike.
The thought of this curious mistake
Often kept him awake.

MR T. WERNER LAURIE

Mr Werner Laurie
Is not at all sorry
He undertook the publication
Of this instructive compilation.

INDEX OF PSYCHOLOGY.

(_In all work of a biographic character it is important to make copious reference to as many as possible of the generally-recognised virtues, vices, good points, foibles, peculiarities, tricks, characteristics, little weaknesses, traits, imperfections, fads, idiosyncrasies, singularities, morbid symptoms, oddities, faults, and regrettable propensities set forth in the following table. The form of an alphabetic index, with references to the examples given in the preceding pages, has been chosen, so that the beginner who may be desirous, when trying his hand at work of this sort, of seeing how any given one of these subjects may best be treated, is enabled at once to turn to one or more model passages._)

Abominable deceit (WREN).

Agitation, reluctance to explain (BEIT).

Allah, Prophet of, refusal to admit identity with (MAHOMET).

Appearances, disregard of, by man of position (MALLORY).

Artistic temperament, the:
its acute sensitiveness (VAN EYCK);
love of violent action (LISZT);
deliberate eccentricity (FIFE);
naïf self-appreciation (CIMABUE);
irresistibly attracted by the sublime (GRIEG);
high value set upon it by Frenchmen (TIZIANO).

Bankruptcy, moral (WREN).

Blindness to obvious tendency of public opinion (BELLOC).

Cobdenism, qualified adherence to, hesitation to avow (ACLAND-HOOD).

Conduct, disingenuous (WREN).

Contentions and disagreements, love of (ERASMUS, BESANT AND RICE,
CLIFFORD, RALEIGH).

Diet, morbid delicacy in matter of (DAVY, BESANT, MARCONI,
but _cf._ BUNYAN).

Domestic servants, encouragement of dishonesty among (WREN).

Efficiency (DEWAR, CIMABUE, HIRST, LISZT).

Escutcheon, blot on, action involving (WREN).

Excisable commodity, unsympathetic attitude towards
(CLIFFORD).

Fact, cynical perversion of (WREN).

Frigidity of style, sometimes attributable to præ-natal influences
(HUME).

Funereal thoughts, predisposition to (HARLEY).

Generalisations, sweeping, dangerous fondness for (PIZARRO).

Guile (WREN).

Habits, repugnant personal, often found in association with fine
spiritual gifts (BUNYAN).

Horizon, restricted mental (PIZARRO).

Hour of trial, fortitude in (ACLAND-HOOD).

Hubbub, interminable, power to raise (MARCONI).

Hypocrisy, calculated (WREN).

Ignoring, pointed, of literary rivals (JOB).

Information, insufficient, proneness to act upon (SHAW,
ROOSEVELT).

Insomnia, liability to (VAN EYCK, BEIT).

Integrity, low standard of (WREN).

Jesuitical dealing (WREN).

Justification, flimsy, of homicide (PIZARRO).

Kindness to animals (JOB, MARX).

Knavery (WREN).

Labouchere, Mr, power to awaken interest in (AUSTEN).

Levity, irresponsible, of Yorkshiremen (HIRST).

Lie, bouncing, circulation of (WREN).

Low company, penchant for (MALLORY).

MACCHIAVELLI, unholy precepts of, tendency to act upon
(WREN).

Memory, lapse of (ODO).

Mind, contented, blessing of a (MALLORY).

Nervous prostration, freedom from (LAURIE).

"_Noblesse Oblige_," disregard of apothegm (WREN).

Obesity, effective treatment of (WELLINGTON).

Openness, want of (WREN).

Ordinary man, treatment of genius at hands of (DAVY, HARLEY).

Oriental metaphor, distaste for (CHAPMAN AND HALL).

Ostentation, contempt for (MALLORY).

Output, delusions in regard to reception of literary (BELLOC).

Percussion, instrument of, habit of treating pianoforte as (LISZT).

Principle, absence of (WREN).

---- self-sacrificing devotion to (CHAPMAN & HALL).

Prompt and decisive action, unfitness for position requiring
(OTTO).

Psychology, complex and baffling, of contemporary genius
(MARCONI).

Quickening, need of spiritual (WREN).

Repartée, witty and pungent, gift of (HIRST, CIMABUE).

Resemblance, confusing physical, sometimes noted among
higher types of genius (MAHOMET).

Restoration, lax morality of, readiness to fall in with (WREN).

Salvation Army, sympathy with methods of (LISZT).

Satanism, revolting display of (WREN).

Self-effacement, public-spirited (CLIVE).

Sense of proportion, lack of (PIZARRO).

Simple Life, fondness for the (EDWARD THE CONFESSOR,
MALLORY).

Statesmanship, qualities of:
anticipation of coming problems (HARLEY);
readiness to sink own prejudices in interest of common weal
(ACLAND-HOOD);
freedom from insomnia (EDWARD THE CONFESSOR).

Taboos, faithful observance of (ODO).

Taciturnity of the strong, silent man (BEIT).

Tartufe, willingness to regard, as moral examplar (WREN).

Treasury, Parliamentary Secretary to the, anxiety to remain
(ACLAND-HOOD).

Ugly, indifference to appearing (WELLINGTON).

Umbrage, quickness to take (ERASMUS).

Untruth, plausible, ability to frame (WREN).

Utilitarianism, susceptibility to charms of (MILL).

Utopian conditions, ill-judged efforts to realise (PIZARRO).

Valhalla, precipitate eagerness to qualify for (SHAW).

Vaticanism, display of blighting effects of, upon human mind
(LISZT, PIZARRO).

Veracity, departure from (WREN).

Watchword, insistence upon ill-chosen (ROOSEVELT).

World, the next, neglect of prospects in (WREN).

Years, early, forgetfulness of habits inculcated in (MARCONI).

Y.M.C.A., unfitness for (WREN).

Zealous pursuit of pleasure at expense of soul (WREN).

Zenith of literary achievement, attainment of (AUSTEN).

Zulus, gradual adoption of social practices of (FIFE).

Printed by A. M. Cowan & Co., Ltd.

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Transcriber's Notes

Obvious punctuation errors repaired.

Page 1 Author of The "Dukedom of Portsea" has been replaced with
Author of "The Dukedom of Portsea"

In the "List of Contents", "Jane Austin" has been replaced with "Jane Austen".