Chapter I: Wanted to Swear; (1)

OR, HOW I KNEW THE DOCTRINE OF ENTIRE HOLINESS,
AS TAUGHT BY JOHN WESLEY TO BE TRUE.

My conversion to God was as clear as the sun at noon-day; “Old things passed away and _all_ things became new.” As I looked out the next morning upon the fields and woods, all seemed to be praising God. My soul was completely ravished with his love. I had been “translated from the kingdom of darkness to the kingdom of God’s dear Son.” I was emphatically a new creature in Christ Jesus; all the aspirations of my soul were changed. I wanted to tell everybody what the blessed Jesus had done for me; I felt like crying continually, “_Behold the Lamb!_” God helped me to tell the story of the cross, which kept the fire burning within--Glory to God! “As I came to Zion, songs and everlasting joy was upon my head,” and in my heart. For days

“Not a cloud did arise to darken my skies,
Or hide one moment, my Lord from my eyes.”
“And I could not believe
That I ever should grieve,
That I ever should suffer again.”

I thought that I never should have any more bad feelings; I expected to rejoice evermore. This state of things continued about three weeks; when at family prayer in the evening I was very much blessed. “Heaven came down my soul to greet, and glory crowned the mercy seat.” I was praising God with a heart overflowing with love, when suddenly my _jaws closed_; I wanted to continue praising God, but could not; my jaws were set together like a steel trap; _they would not open_. I thought it would be some relief if my wife or sister would pray. I tried to turn around to see why they did not, but could not; I was immovably fixed on my knees. I began to wonder _what was the matter_. The devil told me it was a _paralytic_ stroke. I said, “Yes, I guess it is;” then darkness came upon me. I did not feel quite as well after that. The next accusation was I had got a fit of _apoplexy_, to which I said, “Yes, I guess I have;” then darkness spread over me afresh. _He_ said that I was a fit subject for apoplexy, and probably I was very near my end, as they generally died with the third fit. I consented to all he said as true, and before this passed off I was feeling bad, _all through ignorance and unbelief_. I do not know how long I remained in this helpless condition, but when I came out I felt that I had been shocked with a heavy battery. While in this condition I was in full possession of every faculty of the mind, and remember distinctly all that occurred. I was a disbeliever in the power of the Holy Ghost to slay people, notwithstanding I had been accustomed to seeing such things from youth, but really believed it to be mesmerism or excitement. After I came out of this it occurred to me that perhaps what I had just experienced was the power of the Holy Ghost; and if so, I had done wrong. I went immediately to have the matter settled. I told my father that I wanted to be right, and if what I had just passed through was the effect of the Holy Ghost, let it come on me in the same way again. I felt it coming as before; and _he_ that said it was a fit of apoplexy, now said, “Look out, it will kill you.” I sprang to my feet and _cried_ to the Lord to stay his hand. It seemed to me that I could not live under the pressure, under that weight of love that God was letting down into my soul and on my body. I went to bed, but not to sleep. The accuser was after me; he told me that my duty was very plain. “Ever since God converted you, you have been continually asking Him to bless you; it has come very near killing you, and will if you continue in this way; _now_ you must ask God _not_ to bless you.” I very soon learned that these suggestions were from the devil; and that to be the Lord’s entire, to follow the Lamb whithersoever he would lead us, was to place ourselves in direct opposition to the mass of those that profess the religion of Jesus Christ. I began to realize that the religion of Jesus Christ _was peculiar_; unlike the world; and if I saved my soul, I must be peculiar. The question came with force: _Are you willing to be peculiar for God?_ My spirit seemed to be willing, but the flesh rebelled. I thought much of my good name. Now I saw, that to be a _real_ child of God, was to suffer and bear reproach. O, how I writhed in agony. What! to have my good name cast out as evil, _to be misunderstood_, considered as _filth_, rejected of men. Here was _dying_; this was _painful_, to bring all my powers to submit to the will of God. I thought, when I was converted that I had given all to him; but here was something that I did not see at that time. I had commenced a pilgrimage, and had no disposition to go back. I had left _Sodom_, and still the command was ringing in my ears, “_Escape for thy life, look not behind thee, neither stay thou in all the plain; escape to the mountain lest thou be consumed_.” As the light was shining upon me, _and the way_, and after much wrestling in prayer, not only my will responded to the will of God, but I could say all through me--

“Lord, obediently I’ll go,
Gladly leaving all below.”

After this my peace flowed like a river.

“Jesus all the day long
Was my joy and my song.”

I lived in a heavenly atmosphere, far above the common walks of life. Glory to God and the Lamb forever! for a salvation that has _life_ and _peace_ and _joy in the Holy Ghost_, amen! and amen! The fire burns while I write--bless the Lord! I believed that Jesus saved me from _all_ my sins. I did not understand the nature of inbred sin. I had felt nothing but love to God and all mankind. _The roots of old depravity had not yet been disturbed, hence I did not believe they existed._ I was soon to be tested upon this point.

Soon after my conversion I had placed in my hands several works on holiness: Wesley, Wallace, Foster, and Mrs. Palmer. On examining these books I felt that I had got in the _first_ blessing all they claimed for the _second_. I was soon to learn that justification, though clear and positive, _did not remove the roots of bitterness_, the remains of the carnal mind.

About four weeks after my conversion, one cold day in March, I wanted to move a stove of the Clinton air-tight pattern from one room to another with the fire in it, just as we were using it, as it was cold, and the only stove we had up. I laid my plans, and commenced the job in earnest. I succeeded in getting the pipe in position and the stove moved, but now came the tug of war. The pipe would not go together as I expected. I had been feeling remarkably good, but suddenly my feelings underwent a tremendous change; I seemed to be all on fire; and like Mount Vesuvius, just ready to belch forth fire and lava. You ask, dear reader, what was the matter? Why, my pipe would not go together; and besides, I pinched my fingers, the smoke filled my eyes, and yet the pipe would not unite. Again and again I pinched my fingers and smoked my eyes until it seemed to me that I should _burst_ if I did not curse and swear with all my might. I set my jaws together like a steel trap, lest I should give vent to the _smoke_ that raged within. I finished my job, and away I went, to where no eye but God could see me. I fell on my face and cried for mercy. This element in my heart gave me more pain than anything I had ever met with. O, how I loathed myself. I saw clearly the nature of my _disease_. Old depravity was at the bottom of all this difficulty. The tree had been cut down, but the roots were all there.

Dear reader, these roots may not have affected you just as they did me; but if you are not _sanctified wholly_, they are there, in the heart and will, when the hot breath of Apolyon comes upon you, strive for the supremacy. This experience brought clearly to my mind, the doctrine of _sanctification_ as taught by John Wesley. I commenced in earnest the study of the Bible, to learn God’s will in this matter. I found it full of holiness. I saw that it was not only my privilege to be made holy in this life, but a _positive_ command: “_Be ye holy, for I am holy._” My conviction for this blessing was deep, clear, pungent and abiding. O, how my soul cried out after a clean heart. I said that if the religion of Jesus Christ did not take out all sin from the heart, it was a failure.

Blessed be God! I have proved that Jesus Christ can save to the uttermost. In fifty-eight, at a camp-meeting in Bergen, N. Y., I was enabled to give myself fully to God, and to claim Jesus Christ as my full and complete Saviour. O, how I felt the blood washing and cleansing my heart, from all the remains of the carnal mind. When the blessing came I was lost to all surrounding objects; but what communion I had with the Father and with the Son, and with the Holy Ghost. Light shone all through me. I could see every part of my moral being; and O! how clean and pure; _those roots_ were gone. My soul cried out--

“’Tis done, Thou dost this moment save,
With full salvation bless,
Redemption in Thy blood I have,
And spotless love and peace.”

III.

ABOUT MY TOBACCO.

For years prior to my conversion to God, I had firmly believed that “strait is the gate and narrow is the way which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.” The consecration to be made in order to receive the grace of God and eternal life seemed to me to include every thing: all we think, speak or do. To meet this demand, my business relations had to be given up. I had used tobacco about twelve years; but in making my consecration to God I left this out. It had never occurred to me that it was wicked to use it; in fact, I had never heard or read that it was. I had associated with the Methodists from my youth up, and knew that her preachers, class-leaders and stewards used it; and having an exalted opinion of them, had come to look upon the practice as harmless. And yet it did seem to me that preachers of the Gospel of Jesus Christ ought to be clean and pure. God the Holy Ghost, let me see, the first time I used it after my conversion, that it was wrong for me to use it. As I put the filthy stuff in my mouth, the Holy Spirit said, “What do you do that for?” This came with such force that I was very much startled. I replied that I used it for the dyspepsia. The Spirit said, “You have no dyspepsia; and if you had, tobacco would not cure it; it rather creates it.”

I then tried to hunt up other reasons for using it, as the Spirit of God continued to press the question, “What do you use it for?” But all my reasons were completely upset by the clear reasoning of conscience and the Holy Ghost. I now perceived that God was trying to teach me the way of life more perfectly. He said, “You have given yourself to me, to be mine entirely.” I said, “Yea, Lord, all is thine.” “Your body is a temple for the Holy Ghost; you are to be temperate in all things; nothing must enter it that defileth; tobacco defileth it. All you possess belongs to God--your money, your time, talents--all are his, and must be used for His glory; hence you cannot spend your money for tobacco.”

A great many ways were pointed out to me in which I could glorify God in a proper use of what He had given to me, instead of an investment worse than useless. Every time that I used it after my conversion, until I wholly abandoned it, this same controversy was kept up. In reading the Bible I found it condemned the practice. I became satisfied that I had got to abandon either the one or the other--my tobacco or Jesus Christ. I could not remain justified and defile myself with it.

Now came the giving up process. I resolved to do it gradually, lest I should be made sick, for the tempter told me that would be the result. I then threw away my box, and carried what tobacco I had down cellar, determined not to use it but three times a day, and thus by a gradual process work a cure. I soon wanted a chew. Down cellar I went and took the weed; it never seemed to taste quite so good before; so self suggested the idea of putting a little in my pocket; I might want a little very much; so I put a little in my pocket; and thus I continued to do until my tobacco was all gone; and instead of carrying it in a box, or in one pocket, I had it in nearly every pocket about me. Oh, how mean I felt when I was brought to a realization of my bondage to such a filthy habit. It had wound its slimy folds about me so long that I seemed to be completely within its power.

But here I resolved to try the strength and power of grace divine. I now determined to be a free man; sink or swim, survive or perish, living or dying, I meant to have the victory over this habit. I got down before God in the dust, told him all about my weakness, and about my miserable habit, and cried, “O Lord, deliver me from this filthy, wicked, intemperate habit, for Jesus’ sake. Amen.”

Blessed be God, help came. I got the victory. Oh, glory to God and the Lamb forever and ever. Every band was severed; I was free, and blessed be God, I have walked at liberty ever since. I have never had the least desire to use the weed since I was delivered from my bondage to filth. Since then I can sing--

“Now I am from bondage free,
Every chain is riven;
Jesus makes me free indeed,
Just as free as heaven.”

IV.

THE PLAGUE OF NARCOTICS.

A part of this article is from the pen of Dr. Talmage. He said that America had some as bad plagues as those of Egypt, and characterized narcotics as follows:

“In all ages the world has sought out some flower or herb or weed to stimulate, to alleviate, or to compose its griefs. A drink called nepenthe calmed the nerves of Greeks and Egyptians. Theben women knew how to compound it. Nepenthe passed away and next came hasheesh, manufactured from Indian hemp. Whole nations have been stimulated, narcotized, and made imbecile with the use of accursed hasheesh. Visions are conjured up gorgeous and magnificent beyond all description, but it finally drags down body, mind and soul. I knew one of the most brilliant men of this city (Philadelphia) taken captive by this drug. Friends tried in vain to save him. First body gave way, then his mind. He became a raving maniac, blaspheming God into a starless eternity.

OPIUM is the scourge of nations.”

In 1861 we used 109,000 pounds. In 1887 not far from 1,000,000 pounds. At the present--1888--we have, beyond doubt, more than 1,000,000 opium consumers. That is appalling! Don’t think that those are merely barbaric Asiatics.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE, after conquering the world, was conquered by opium. There are thousands, more women than men, who are being bound body, mind and soul by this terrific drug. There is a great mystery about some families. You don’t know why they don’t get along. The opium habit is stealthy, deceitful, deathful. You can cure one hundred drunkards where you can cure one opium eater.

Have you just begun to use it for the assuagement of physical distress? I beg of you stop! The pleasures at the start will not pay for the horrors at the end.

MORPHIA is a blessing from God for the relief of pain, but it was never intended to be prolonged for years.

Statistics show that there are opium eaters in this country exceeding a million. With some hydrate of chloral is taking the place of opium.

BARON LIEBIG knows that one chemist in Germany makes half a ton of hydrate of chloral a week. There are multitudes taken down with this drug. _Look out for hydrate of chloral!_ You never heard a sermon against opium, but it seems to me there ought to be ten thousand pulpits turned into a quickening flame, thundering Zion’s warning against this black narcotic.

You all know what botanists describe as NICOTIANA. You know it as the inspiring, elevating, emparadising, nerve-shattering, dyspepsia-breeding, health-destroying tobacco. I shall not be offensively personal on this subject, for you nearly all use it. You say that God made it, and it is good. Yes, it is good to kill moths, to kill ticks on sheep, to strangle all kinds of vermin, to fumigate pestiferous places. You say God created it for some particular use. Yes, so He did henbane, and nux vomica, and copperas, and belladona, and all those poisons.

You say men live to be old who use it. Yes, in the sense that the man lasted well who was pickled. Smokers are turned into smoked livers. You should advise your children to abstain from it, because the whole medical fraternity of the United States and Great Britain pronounced it the cause of wide-spread ill-health. Drs. Agnew, Hamilton, Woodward--the whole medical fraternity, Allopathic, Homeopathic, Hydropathic and Eclectic denounce it. The use of tobacco tends to drunkenness. It creates unnatural thirst. The way that leads down to a drunkard’s grave and a drunkard’s hell is strewn thick with tobacco leaves. _That man is not thoroughly converted who has not only got his heart clean, but got his mouth clean also._

BEN. FRANKLIN said he never saw a well man in the exercise of common sense who would say that tobacco did him any good.

THOMAS JEFFERSON argued against the culture of tobacco.

HORACE GREELEY said: “It is a burning stench.”

DANIEL WEBSTER said: “Let those men who smoke go to the horse shed.”

One reason why there are so many victims to the tobacco habit is because so many ministers smoke and chew. They smoke until they have bronchitis, and then the dear people must send them to Europe. I can name three eminent clergymen who died of cancer in the mouth, an evil caused by their tobacco. There has been many a clergyman whose tombstone was covered up with eulogy, who ought to have had an inscription, “Killed by too much Cavendish.” Some smoke until the room is blue, their spirits are blue, the world is blue. The American clergymen who are indulging in the habit should repent. How can a man preach repentance when he indulges in such a habit. I have known _Presbyteries and General Assemblies and General Synods_ where there was a room set apart for ministers to smoke in.

It is time we had an anti-tobacco reform in the _Presbyterian_, the _Baptist_, and the _Congregational_ churches.”

Thank God there is one church, the FREE METHODIST, that has a pure ministry. _They_ are not defiled by “_narcotics_.” None are received into the Free Methodist Church that use tobacco in any way, in the ministry or laity.

V.

A CALL TO THE MINISTRY.

The Gospel of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ is a system of instruction. It contemplates the instruction of the ignorant until the whole world shall be enlightened; until the knowledge of Christ shall cover the whole earth as the waters cover the sea. It makes provision for having this instruction perpetuated. God provides for every department of this stupendous work of bringing this wicked world back from her revolt to Christ and God. To this end the ministry were appointed. Under the old dispensation God appointed men to preach and teach. They were termed prophets. They spake as they were moved upon by the Holy Ghost. Enoch was a preacher. He taught the doctrine of a general judgment, the resurrection of the dead, and a just retribution for our conduct in this life.

He taught the duty of repentance of all wrong deeds. He enforced his preaching by a godly life. “He walked with God!” “God spared not the old world, but saved Noah, the eighth person, a preacher of righteousness.” In these far off ages they were blessed with teachers. Abraham was a preacher of righteousness in his day. Other patriarchs said of him: “Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm.” Samuel, Elijah and Elisha were of that number that taught the people.

The Christian dispensation had in its very beginning teachers appointed directly by divine authority. Take one text among many: Eph. 4:11-13. “And he gave some apostles, and some prophets, and some evangelists, and some teachers, for the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ.”

Again: “Go ye into all the world and preach the Gospel to every creature; and lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.”

God has ordained that by a holy ministry the Gospel shall be preached, and the world brought back to Christ. Thus far the call to the ministry has been stated by way of preface. God makes choice of His own laborers for this, the grandest of all positions in this life, preaching the Gospel. We cannot take this responsibility upon ourselves, if we do we are simply hirelings, as is the case, we fear, with too many that occupy the sacred desk.

Many, I have no doubt, have been called to the pulpit by their parents. They have looked upon the ministry as an exalted and an honorable position, and have entertained an all-absorbing desire that their boy should preach the Gospel. They may have been pious and devout people, but have made a very common mistake of supposing their desire to be the voice of the Spirit calling their boy to the ministry. In order to meet the obligations of the ministry, what God requires, and what the people demand, the call to this high and holy position _must_ come from God. In these days of compromise and corruption there are too many pulpits, instead of being a light-house erected upon a dangerous coast, to warn the mariner of their imminent danger, giving an uncertain sound.

God’s ministers have all been called into the ministry. They have not taken it upon themselves. It has come to them like an awful night-mare in the still hours of the night; when about their daily cares; sleeping or waking; journeying by land or sea; among friends or foes; whether suffering from poverty or abounding in wealth; woe is me if I preach not the Gospel of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. This will look like a stupendous job, almost like an insurmountable task to the person truly called of God to preach the unsearchable riches of Christ. At the same time they will feel, O, how poorly qualified I am for such an undertaking. And the more they look at themselves the greater the burden seems to grow. To be an embassador of the Lord Jesus Christ, chosen of Him, commissioned to treat with a rebel government, those in open rebellion to His divine majesty, is higher honor than was ever bestowed upon any other mortal. The crowned heads of this world might well envy the very smallest man or woman that wears the royal diadem that Christ puts on the brow of His servants. To me, there was always a sacredness connected with the ministry of Christ. From my earliest recollection I have looked upon the minister of God as occupying the very highest position and receiving the highest honor awarded to any of earth’s subjects; and how men thus called, can come down from so high and holy a calling to mingling in the rottenness of the day, is a profound mystery to me, and how men can consent to be put in a semi-nude state, cable-towed, hoodwinked, and then take upon themselves obligations too horrible for humanity, and by those professedly called to be a minister of Christ, to me is certainly incomprehensible.

The Master says, “Ye cannot serve God and mammon.” When God calls a man to preach it embraces all there is of the individual, with all possible development: mental, moral and physical; so that the man of God will improve every chance of doing good and of getting good, including hard study for the development of the mind; practicing the laws of health for the development of our being for greater efficiency in the Master’s service.

The word of the Lord is: “Study to show thyself approved unto God.” Success comes on this line of action. I believe that the minister should study and write as though the whole thing depended on this for success; and then he should pray as though everything depended on prayer; and when he gets into the pulpit he should trust alone in God the Holy Ghost as though entire success depended on help from above. On this line the stream of salvation will flow into the pulpit and into the pew, and the results will be the salvation of precious souls and the sanctifying of believers. Glory to God. Amen.

We are to glorify Him with our physical powers, as these belong to Him. Hence, we will carefully study ourselves, the laws that govern our own being, eat and drink, labor and rest so as to produce the greatest development for His glory.

The mission of the minister of Christ is of the utmost importance, because it has to do with those that must live forever with God and angels and the redeemed of earth in the world that is to come, or with those that reject Christ and everything that is good, and together are cast out into outer darkness, where the flames of their torment will ascend up for ever and ever. And then to think that a single word, or look, may change the destiny of a soul! Well might the apostle exclaim, “And who is sufficient for these things?” The Gospel must be proclaimed with great tenderness of spirit, and in deep love for the souls of those that are in their sins; love that is all aflame for the perishing. A minister should keep as near the head of the church as possible. He should pattern after the Master in simplicity, in naturalness, in literalness, in appropriateness and in holiness. As He is in the world, _so are we_, so clean and pure; morally speaking, the minister should be transparent--Christ shining out in all his ways--looking, speaking, doing the right thing at the right time and in the right manner. Speaking as one that must give an account in that day for words uttered. Looking like one that has been with Christ and learned of Him. How often a word from the man of God has been like the pouring of oil on the troubled sea. A man called to minister in holy things must remember that he is a peacemaker. In almost every place there is a marvelous chance to stir up strife. This must be avoided. “Study to show thyself approved,” says the apostle. Appropriateness is an essential element in the minister of God. A congregation of idiots could not appreciate a discourse on moral philosophy. Neither would a mass of unsaved men and women enjoy a sermon on entire holiness!

Much labor has been lost, and the work greatly retarded, because of unwise action. Words, style, or the manner in which it has been presented, has been so presented, that opposition has been aroused, and the work of soul-saving has been greatly hindered, if not entirely destroyed.

A great many have been driven from the penitents’ altar because of unkind treatment at the altar. They were sinners, to be sure, and came to the altar as such; and in their great distress of mind, before God had a chance to do much for them, some unwise person would, in commanding tones, ask them to pull off their feathers, gold, or something attached to their person. This would have been proper at the right time, but the hammer came down before the iron was hot. The results were in these cases they flew off in a tangent, mad. The blacksmith knows about how hot his iron must be to work and weld; precisely so with human hearts; they must be under the direct rays of the Holy Ghost and kept there until made tender, then it can be worked. Glory to God! Brother, don’t try to work cold iron--the iron of cold hearts. It will be in every case a failure. Keep baptized with the Holy Ghost and fire. This has been your great need in the past. As you go forth to labor in God’s vineyard, go with the baptism of power, love and the Holy Ghost. On this line, success will come.

Doubtless some are called to the ministry early in life. Samuel was called to the prophetic office when but a lad. It has been stated by a great many that labored long as embassadors of our Lord Jesus Christ, that very early in life they felt an undefinable impression resting upon them, and at times this impression would be very strong, that some time in the near future, they would have to preach the gospel.

This was the condition of your humble servant. Early in life he felt that that would be his employment in after years. Of all the innocent amusements of childhood, what he called preaching to other children, to the chairs placed in the order of a congregation, or to a field of pumpkins, (for he would often do that) was to him greater diversion than any other kind of amusement.

At the age of fifteen I was standing near State street bridge, Albany, N. Y., a couple of officers were conveying a crazy man from the cars to the steamboat, as they were going down the river to Hudson with him. The crazy man caught hold of one of the chains used to draw up a portion of the bridge to let vessels through, screaming and making a great ado. This drew the attention of the people, as many were crossing, it being car time, so that in a moment the draw part of the bridge was literally covered. It was estimated that some three hundred, besides three horses, were on this part of the bridge. I moved along on to the bridge to see what the matter was. No sooner had I reached the highest point on the bridge, than it broke off on both sides, letting this mass of humanity suddenly into the water. I was suddenly hurled into the river with the rest. I had to swim some six to ten rods before I found anything that I could cling to. I came to a small boat into which I climbed, then onto a canal boat and went back where I could see that crowd of people struggling and screaming for life. This was an awful sight. Groups of men, from one to six or more were making a desperate effort for life. Without a moment’s warning they were put in this awful condition, and now, eternity was staring them in the face. Presently the dead and dying were all around me. The thought came: “_Why was not I drowned with the rest?_” for some forty had passed suddenly into eternity. This answer came to the inquiry, “I have saved you to preach my gospel.”

After years of wandering in sin, and man’s estate had been reached, with family cares and responsibilities, I erected a family altar, sought and found the pearl of great price; and with this new experience came a strong and an abiding conviction that I must preach the Gospel. In whatever direction I would try to turn my attention, this thought would loom up above all others, “_Preach my Gospel_.” I had but little conception of the awful responsibility connected with the ministry. And yet I had some idea of the vastness of the work, and in looking at myself it did seem to me that I never could attain unto the ideality of the work as I then viewed it. I was timid, ignorant, culture limited. Can God qualify me for this exalted position? These were serious considerations. The call was as clear to me as the sun at noonday. Notwithstanding the clearness of the call by the Spirit, I was often making bargains with the Lord, as Gideon did. He would ask for a wet fleece, and the fleece would be wet. And then for a dry fleece, and the fleece would be dry.

In the beginning of my ministry I would say to the Lord something like this: O Lord, if Thou hast called me to preach Thy Word, give me a soul to-day, as evidence that I am called to preach. Asking for evidence of this character continued for several years; and I would say to the glory of God, that on these occasions souls were always saved. Though the enemy would often say: “That is no evidence, for these have been prayed for by these old saints for years. They were saved through the instrumentality of these gray-haired saints.” For the time it would trouble me quite a little, so I would continue to ask for evidences.

Every one truly called of God to preach His Gospel, understand some of the many obstacles to be overcome before he reaches the holy of holies, where, under a clear sky, with his eye on the Judgment, and the condition of the lost before him, he can proclaim the everlasting Gospel to perishing humanity, with the Holy Ghost sent down from heaven. One of the greatest barriers to my entering upon the ministry, was my dear companion. While she was a dear, good woman, she could not bear the idea of her husband becoming a preacher; and would on all occasions when she thought the subject was going to be introduced, talk discouragement, and say to her husband, “I think that you would make a good class-leader but not a preacher.” I was marvelously attached to my wife, because of her intrinsic merits; hence, her views of his duty to his family, to God and His church were very great obstacles to surmount.

The time came when, according to my vows, I must leave all and follow Christ, or lose my religion. What could be done! A field was opened, my services were wanted. Wife refuses to go; with light around the cross but a heavy burden on my soul, I took my leave of the dear home; yea, the dearest spot on earth, for there had nothing but love dwelt in that family circle. Parents and children were passionately devoted to each other.

I found myself very much at home in the work of the ministry. After an absence of six weeks I returned home, hoping that my wife had changed her mind, and would accompany me to my field of labor. In this I was disappointed. She was just as unwilling to go then as at the first. I returned to my circuit with a heavy heart. I felt that I was in God’s order, so I asked the Lord to let my dear companion see it as in the light of eternity. After the elapse of another six weeks I returned for the same purpose, and with the same results as above stated.

I succeeded in getting her at this second visit home, to go with Brother and Sister Roberts to a camp-meeting which was coming off at Ackron, N. Y., and I returned to my circuit. Eternity alone can tell the soul burden and mental conflict during these days.

The camp-meeting had not been running many days before a fearful cyclone made its appearance. The sky put on her fearful robes of thunder and lightning, with other sounds of a dismal character. Darkness spread over the encampment. Nature was in strange commotion. Alarm and terror was manifested by nearly all that were at that encampment. As the storm came nearer and nearer, with the awful roar of destruction, suddenly an appearance, like an elephant’s trunk, dropped down from the clouds above and swung around the circle of tents, throwing down seventy-five good-sized trees. Wife and a Baptist sister were washing dishes in the Buffalo tent. They were giving each other their experience. Said the Baptist sister: “If I should die this moment, I’m saved.” No sooner had she said that than a tree nearly two feet in diameter was blown down from the inside of the circle of tents, going directly over the Buffalo tent, crushing it down, and with it the Baptist sister. All that saved the dear wife from the same fate was our little two-year old girl, hearing the noise of the storm, went to the tent door to see what the matter was, the mother going in great haste after her, escaped having the tree fall upon her. It was a narrow escape. There was only a step at that time between her soul and death. The Baptist sister was killed instantly. She had no sooner declared that she was ready to die, than she was ushered into eternity! How important it is to always be ready.

This awful scene caused many to turn pale with alarm for their future condition. Eternity seemed so near. Every one on the ground felt the importance of being saved, having a clean heart. They did not need much urging to commence the work in right good earnest. Among the many that were made wise by this awful storm and were at the altar seeking, in the very depths of humility, the blessing of perfect love, was my dear wife. She, with others, did not seek in vain. She found the blessing. She went down on the line of confession, and was mightily resurrected to a state of heart purity, by a living faith in the Almighty power of Christ to save. It was stated to me by those that were present, that the whole camp-ground shook when she struck the Rock! _Glory to God!_

At this time I was at a camp-meeting in another part of the state helping Bro. William Cooley. Hearing of the great blessing that my wife had received, I concluded that it would not be necessary for me to take another long trip, to go home to see if I could not persuade her to come with me, but that she would immediately pack up and move on to the big circuit with me, which, thank God, she did. But O, how changed! I had emphatically a new wife. I had always thought her the best woman on earth; now I knew that she was. We then saw eye to eye in the great work to which God had called us. And O, how precious the communion we had with each other and the Lord, during her brief stay on earth after this occurrence. In less than two years she peacefully passed away to be forever with the Lord.

I relate this circumstance to show what things we have to overcome sometimes, in order to enter the ministry. And then, how strangely God manages to bring us where our eyes may be opened to see just what he wants us to see. It is well expressed by the poet:

“God moves in a mysterious way,
His wonders to perform,
He plants his footsteps in the sea,
And rides upon the storm.”

More than a quarter of a century has passed into eternity since most of the events narrated occurred; and in looking over the past, and the way in which God led us into the ministry, the trials, conflicts, victories, and the many times in which He has marvelously delivered us out of the hands of all our enemies, and brought to our aid reinforcements, and just the help needed, and just at the right time, our heart goes out in wonder, love and praise.

The promise of the Lord to me was: “For as much as ye know that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.” O, how comforting that Scripture has been to me. When on hard fields of labor, and when it seemed as though very little if anything, accomplished, the above word of the Lord would come to my heart with such an assurance, and in such sweetness that I have been made to rejoice in the goodness of the Lord to me.

We are often placed in a position, allowing the world to judge, would call it a tremendous defeat. But in obeying the voice of God there is no defeat. We may not always see just what we have done, the good accomplished. Perhaps it is best we should not. Spiritual pride might find way into our heart and destroy us.

The command is, “Go forward.” We are not to stop to analyze results, in order to get at exact accomplishments, but move on, laboring with all our might, and leaving results with God. In that day, and under the light of judgment fires, it will appear in all the grandeur of eternal blessedness. “Your labor is not in vain in the Lord.” What precious opportunities God has given us of laying up our treasures on high. Look out in what direction you may, the fields are white already to harvest. Golden opportunities for doing good, and getting good, are constantly placed within our reach, and to be like our divine Lord and Master, who went about doing good, so must we, looking mainly for our reward in that day when He shall come to make up His jewels. O how blessed to hear in that day, “Well done!” Notwithstanding the glittering crown that often seems so nigh to the Christian soldier, he feels as expressed in the following lines:

“Let me stay; I fain would labor
In the vineyard of the Lord;
For the fields are ready whitening,
Jesus says so in His word.
Let me thrust the Spirit’s cycle,
In the fields already white;
Let me blow the Gospel trumpet;
Let me do with all my might.

Let me stay and wear the armor
That my Father doth supply;
Let me cheer the broken hearted,
Help the pilgrim on his way.
Let me point the poor and needy
To a boundless store of grace,
To a mansion in the heavens,
Where the weary are at rest.

Let me stay and warn poor sinners
Of the danger they are in,
While by Christ they’re unprotected,
Foes without and fears within;
Let me tell how Jesus loved them
When he died upon the tree,
When he cried in grief and anguish,
‘Why hast Thou forsaken me?’

Let me stay a little longer,
Gathering for the garner great,
Golden sheaves, oh, precious jewels,
Stars in Jesus’ crown complete.
Let me finish all my labor,
Then my armor I’ll lay down,
And with Jesus Christ, my Saviour,
Ever wear a starry crown.

Then I’ll range the fields of heaven,
And with angels ever sing:
Hallelujah! glory! glory!
Hallelujah to my King!
Then with white-robed seraphs worship
Round the Father’s great white throne;
Always crying, Thou art worthy!
Oh my God, and Thou alone.”

I apprehend that the richest spot in heaven will be given to those that have lived the nearest to Christ while on earth; that have been instrumental in turning many from darkness to light; that have been one with Him in the great work of human redemption; that have borne the cross, labored incessantly to bring souls to Christ and build up His kingdom on earth. It may have been in poverty, amidst great suffering, of physical ailments, in persecution; but the joy to such on earth exceeds that of all others; and in the world to come, “They shall shine as the brightness of the firmament forever and ever.”

VI.

A PARTICULAR PROVIDENCE.

How cheering to the heart of a good man to believe that God, the Infinite, loves, and tenderly cares for all the creatures which He hath made, and that He daily provides for, and feeds, and clothes the teeming millions of earth. How vast the conception that the Almighty this morning provided food for and fed, one billion, and five hundred million of human beings; and beside the fishes of the sea, and the birds of the air, and the cattle upon a thousand hills; and that this care commenced when the morning stars sang together for joy, and will continue through time, and to all eternity. He that created us is able to provide for all our needs, and to perpetuate our existence. It would be folly indeed, to suppose our Heavenly Father capable of creating us, but not able to sustain us. He that paints the lilies with rainbow tints, and covers the earth with its carpet of green, can supply all our need in this world, and in the world to come. Wherever in nature a real want is manifest, near by may always be found the supply. “My God shall supply all your need.” To doubt His ability or willingness to do this, would be sinful. The smallest speck in creation is not lost to sight, nor removed from His tenderest care. “Even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.” “And if He so clothe and beautifies the grass of the field which to-day is, and to-morrow is cut down and cast into the oven, shall He not much rather clothe you, oh, ye of little faith.”

He sends rain and sunshine, stormy wind and hoar frost, heat and cold, the changing seasons, causing earth to bring forth her increase for the sustenance of man and beast. Away back in by-gone ages, doubtless, the creator of this vast universe provided, or made ample provision for this earth and all its dependencies. I seriously doubt if a mistake was made or any need that might arise in any member of the human family, but that was thoroughly considered and all needful supplies provided for. “Behold the fowls of the air, for they sow not, neither do they reap nor gather into barns; yet your Heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?” Why then so much suffering, famine, pestilence, war, murder, and the great amount of evil arising from intemperance? These are all the results of sin, not the penalty for sin, but the legitimate fruit of sin; and God has provided a complete remedy for all the ills which flesh is suffering because of sin. Wherefore, He is able to save us to the uttermost, and to present us faultless before His presence, with exceeding joy. Suffering and need may be employed at times as a corrective agency, and in all these things we should learn wisdom and abandon all wrong doing and learn to do well. We read of some that were always learning, and never coming to the knowledge. Perhaps nearly all Christian men and women would endorse in a general way, God’s providential care over His children, but doubt His special providences. Nevertheless, He does hear and answer prayer for special blessings.

When Peter was in prison prayer was offered for him, which God heard and answered, sending an angel to unlock prison doors, calling Peter’s attention to the fact that deliverance had come; and in obeying the command, his chains fell off, and those massive doors, seemingly of their own accord, swung back, and he following his guide, was a free man, walking at liberty. When Israel had been scourged for three years and six months by a severe drouth, Elijah petitioned the Lord for help, special help! Rain, was the all-absorbing need at that time, and blessed be the Lord Almighty that hears and answers prayer, rain came in great abundance. Every answer to prayer, whether it be for soul or body, is a special gift or blessing from our God. But in every case, there must be on our part, a _special need_, and faith must be normal, believing, trusting, without any reserve whatever. If you have the reserve of a big farm, or bank stock, or cash in abundance at your command, it will greatly hinder your faith! hence, those in the ministry blessed with such means, never reach such depths of richness of experience, as those that are compelled by force of circumstances to trust alone in God. Ministers that have means to fall back on if things do not move to suit them, generally in a pinch, fall back _on means_! God has nowhere in His Word promised to supply all we want, but all we need. If a man is not sick, he does not feel much on the subject of being healed. If he is well clothed and housed he does not feel the need of clothes and shelter. If he is well supplied with food, or can at _will_, put his hand on the greenbacks, he does not have a very big feeling of need.

This class of characters never become spiritually educated up to the supreme summit of implicit trust in _Jehovah_. In order to prove the great Fatherhood of God, there must be on our part a consecration that is not only in word but in deed, and in truth, embracing all we have, all we are, all we ever expect to be, and a divine consciousness of the complete transfer made of all to Christ, and His Spirit with our spirit bearing witness to this holy transaction; then the heart will sing:

“Forever here my rest shall be,
Close to Thy bleeding side;
This all my hope, and all my plea,
For me the Saviour died.”

For nearly thirty years the author of this, has been like the birds of the air, trusting entirely in the Lord, for soul and body; and often blessings have come that were needed, when it seemed as though a miracle must be wrought in order to supply the demand.

When I came into the Susquehanna Conference, there were just four circuits: Rose and Clyde, Nelson and Fenner, Binghamton and Union and New York City. It was emphatically a missionary field. I left what seemed to be a good paying business, to preach the Gospel in this new conference. Although our work was largely among the poor, yet God marvelously cared for us, in providing for our souls and bodies. Blessings came at times when greatly needed, as direct from God as the manna that fell in the wilderness to satisfy God’s ancient people.