Chapter XIV: Part IV: Minstrels, by the Cadet Band

1.

Overture (Ernani) Cadet Band

Beautiful Bells Solo and Chorus

Polka (La tarde del Sabado) Cadet Band

Kaiser, Don’t You Want to Buy a Dog? Company

Riding Hall Galop Cadet Band

Mary Aileen Solo and Chorus

Music Orchestra

2.

Maltese Boat Song Quartette

Galop (Dgagdfnp) Cadet Band

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Solo and Chorus

Flirtation Waltz Cadet Band

Die Wacht am Rhein Company

Jim Jam Chorus Company

* * * * *

ARTICLES OF WAR.

ARTICLE I.—The managers wish it to be distinctly understood
that they have original jurisdiction over all cases of loud and
unseemly noise, shouting and crying out “Supe,” “Boots,” “Carry
him out” and the like; and appellate jurisdiction over all
violations of these Articles of Confederation, including the
use of peanuts, taffy, pop-corn or other raging strong drink.

ART. II.—In case of fire, to prevent unnecessary disturbance,
the audience will be formed in two ranks endwise, the right
wing resting on the Chapel steps, the left on the Declaration
of Independence, bayonets fixed and trimmings to be worn on the
outside of the mess hall. Should the danger be imminent a small
detail, made by the Superintendent on recommendation of the
academic board, will be allowed to visit the trunk rooms for
the purpose of obtaining their white pants.

AMENDMENT XIV.—Should any one of the audience feel hungry
during the performance he will make out a statement of the
fact, showing the color of his eyes and hair, when and where
he was born, when and where enlisted, how long since he ate
anything, and why he did not then eat enough to last. He will
submit it to the Commandant of Cadets, who will, if convenient,
forward it to the Superintendent. He will forward it to the
Secretary of War, who will refer it to the Third Auditor of the
Treasury to ascertain how much of the necessary appropriation
remains unexpended. It will then be exposed to Brand’s sulphate
of soda test to ascertain the effect of frost, after which it
will be covered with several layers of beton, well rammed.
At the end of ten hundred years, if it still yields to the
pressure of the finger and remains soluble in hot rum toddy,
the application will be disapproved. The applicant will
meanwhile receive napkins, cane-bottomed chairs and plated
castors to whet his appetite.

PREAMBLE.—Should any member of the academic staff be so
overcome by the refining nature of the performance as to feel a
desire to sign the temperance pledge, he will find one in the
cupboard of a little room in rear of the dining room of the
officers’ mess.

When a cadet expected to “cut a meal,” that is, not go to the Mess Hall for it, or when he wanted a lunch between meals, he would butter a breakfast roll or two pieces of bread, fold the lunch in his handkerchief and put it in the breast of his coat, and then throw his shoulders forward to hide it, so as not to be reported for carrying food from the Mess Hall. In winter I often carried a roll to my room and put it on the steam coil under the marble slab. The heat melted the butter and made a luscious evening lunch. Whenever a cadet had not provided a lunch for himself and he wished to attend a “fight” at Fort Clinton a classmate would bring him something from the Mess Hall.

Once in a while some of the cadets would try their hands at cooking; they would get such articles of food from the Mess Hall as they could conceal about their clothes and other articles from the Dutch Woman’s, and after taps put a blanket up to cover the window, attach one end of a rubber tube to the gas jet and the other to a burner under a pot or pan, using candles for light. About the time the dainty dish, called “hash,” was ready the invited guests would arrive, and then such a feast. Once in a while an unexpected visitor in the form of a tactical officer would happen around, and then such scampering; the unlucky ones always paying dearly for the fun by walking “extras” on Saturday afternoons. There were two of my classmates who lived together, and one of them was a famous cook, but they were both “found” in January, and the one who was not the cook told me that he himself would not have been found had he not had a cook for a room-mate.

The paraphrase, by T⸺n of the class of 18—, gives a good account of “a cadet hash” and the results following it:

A CADET HASH—(With Apologies to “The Raven.”)

Once upon a morning dreary,
Whilst I pondered sad and weary,
Over the remains of cooking
And the grease upon the floor,
Suddenly there came a tapping,
As of Kent or Piper rapping,
Rapping at my chamber door;
Only this and nothing more.

What I said I will not mention
When I heard the “stand attention”
Coming from my chamber door.
Up I jumped nor word did utter,
As with many a snuff and splutter,
Came the giant form of Henry
Gazing at my greasy floor;
Only this and nothing more.

And behind him came a creature,
Human as to form and feature,
Whom I recognized as Jakey,
Gazing, too, upon my floor.
When I heard this creature vicious
Putting on a smile malicious,
Mutter, “You’ve been having cooking,
That is what has greased your floor.”
Only this and nothing more.

“Yes,” said Henry, “I can smell it,
’Tis so plain that one can tell it,
Tell the odor of the cooking,
And the grease upon the floor.”
Thus his spirit burned within him,
And he said to Jacob, “Skin him,
Skin him for the smell of cooking
And for grease upon the floor.”
“Yes,” said Jakey, and something more.

Then he said, with look aggressive,
And with twist of head expressive,
“Put him on as orderly.
Orderly for one week more!”
“Yes,” said Jacob, “I will do it;
This young man shall surely rue it,
Rue the night that he had cooking,
Rue the time he greased his floor,
He shall serve for one week more.”

Then they left me in my sadness,
Musing o’er the deed of madness,
Thinking of the smell of cooking
And of grease upon my floor.
All that night was turned to mourning,
Visions stern of “extras” dawning,
On my tearful, blinded vision,
Caused me pain evermore.
This is all—there’s nothing more.

Among the plebes reporting last June there was a colored youth, and he was the first colored appointee. He passed the preliminary examinations and was duly admitted. Without any concert of action we each and every one let the colored plebe alone. We never spoke to him except officially. He had a tent or a room all by himself, and he never had cause to complain of being deviled. However, one day he did complain, and said he had been tied and had had his ears cut; a great cry was raised against the hazing at West Point. The case was investigated, but he had no charges to make against any particular person, and as his injuries were of a certain kind the cadets were of the opinion that he had inflicted them upon himself. The army surgeons gave it as their opinion that any one could tie and injure himself as this colored youth had been tied and injured. This lad was neither black nor was he a mulatto; his face and hands were light, with dark spots on them, and these spots were darker on some occasions than others, which caused us to watch him closely. We discovered that just before a rain the spots in his cheeks were darker than at any other time, so we spoke of him as the “Walking Barometer.” Like many a better man, he was found deficient in a year or two and discharged. Had he been a white man I do not believe that he would ever have been admitted to West Point, because, as cadets, we thought him very dull and stupid.

There were some young ladies living at Cold Springs, who often visited the Point, and they repeatedly invited certain of the cadets to call on them some evening after “Taps.” Upon promise of a good supper and music some of us agreed to “run it” over there on the next Saturday night, provided, of course, that the tactical officers made their night inspections in time for us to catch the last ferryboat at 11 p. m. It so happened that the tactical officers all made early inspections on a particular Saturday night, and soon after they had gone we went to the rooms of certain candidates, who had not gotten their uniforms and whose suits of civilian clothes we decided to wear, unbeknown to them, of course. We found them asleep, took off our cadet gray and donned the candidates’ citizen clothes. By “hustling” we were just in time for the ferry, but as we were going down hill past the Seacoast Battery we met Professor C⸺h and some other officers, who had just arrived on the ferry, and as luck went L⸺n, from force of habit, saluted the officers. Our courage almost failed us then, but on we went. After reaching the boat landing we hesitated about crossing the Hudson for fear that, after having been seen, another inspection of quarters would be made that night, and if it were made we were sure of being reported absent, and this meant, as we could not make explanation that we were on cadet limits at the time, that we would have to stand “trial by court-martial,” and if any witnesses were found to prove us off limits we were certain to be dismissed. Notwithstanding all this, we went, and reached the house where all the young ladies had agreed to be at about midnight. We were not expected, but the young ladies were up and said that they did not dream of our taking the chances we did of being dismissed. As we were not expected, there was no supper for us. One of the ladies played the piano for a little while, and then quit because it was Sunday morning. Seeing that our trip was a disappointment we left the house and started on our return to barracks. The boatman was not where he told us to call for him, and we did not find him till about 4 a. m. In the meantime we became thoroughly chilled, and we ran across several men who might become witnesses, thus increasing our chances of being caught. Again it was fast approaching reveille, we would be absent from roll call, and what would the candidates whose clothes we had on do? Then there were our clothes with our names in them in the candidates’ rooms to be used as evidence against us. Oh, what a pleasant time we had that night! At last we landed at the same dock that I had first landed at, but I was not then in a humor to appreciate the scenery. We agreed after we changed clothes again with the candidates and had gone to our own rooms to see whether or not we had been “hived absent” to meet at the sink. It was not long till we met there and found that we had not been caught absent, and that the candidates never knew we wore their clothes.

We now began to talk of furlough, and as the time drew near we became the more anxious to see home folks again. Tailors visited the Point with samples of summer suitings, and the Commissary tailor also had samples to show. At last each yearling ordered the clothes he wanted to wear when he went on furlough as a swell second classman, and when the citizen suits were ready those who ordered at the Commissary could try them on, while the others had to wait for theirs until after the 1st of June. During the spring months we held several class meetings to decide upon a furlough cane, and at last we agreed upon one. It was a small malaca stick with an L-shaped ivory head, having the last two figures of the year we expected to graduate in cut into the free end of the L. Our folks when they saw us with the little canes called us dudes, and they were about right, too, but that was many years ago, when we were young and charming.

A FURLOUGH DREAM.[49]

Air:—Benny Havens, Oh!

A few more days and June will come,
And with her rosy hand
Will open wide the gate that leads
Unto the promised land,
Where dwells the “Cit” in happy ease,
Without the least regard,
While he doth have the entire earth
Enclosed in his front yard.

He has no fear of any “Tac”
When he off limits strays,
No reveille disturbs his ear.
Oh, joyful are his days;
He has no fear of Mathy probs,
Or French to masticate;
No Spanish grip with outstretched arms
Awaits to seal his fate.

He has no bony nag to ride
In Grant’s or Custer’s style,
No other animals to fight
That wear a goaty smile;
And as the summer days roll by
The wily hammock holds
This happy, lazy, lounging “Cit”
Within its sleepy folds.

Oh, haste the day when we shall share
In life’s sweet joys again;
No hearts on earth will lighter beat
Than those of furloughmen.
’Twill all seem like a happy dream,
But, oh! how short and sweet,
This oasis in our four years,
When friends long parted meet.

And then once more we will return
To West Point battle ground,
To fight again for two years more,
That is, if we’re not “found;”
So furloughmen just brace yourselves,
And keep hopes’ fire ablaze,
For we, too, shall be jolly “Cits”
In just a few more days.

The Pleasure of your company is requested at the hops to be given by the Corps of Cadets every Monday Wednesday and Friday evening during the encampment

_MANAGERS._

STANHOPE E BLUNT
THOMAS C WOODBURY
J W WILKINSON
J LEW WILSON
ALFRED REYNOLDS
GEO T T PATTERSON
ADDIS M HENRY
HARRY C WYCANT
CHARLES W ROWELL
EDMUND K WEBSTER
HENRY R LEMLY
HARRY H LANDON
LEVEN C ALLEN
C E SCOTT WOOD
WM L GEARY

West Point

21st June 1871.]