Chapter III: Part 3
CHANTECLER [_Looking at her._] I can see it in your eyes!
THE PHEASANT-HEN Over the meadows--
CHANTECLER On your throat--[_In a smothered voice._] Oh, it is exquisite!
THE PHEASANT-HEN What?
CHANTECLER I am at once doing my duty, and making you more fair. I am gilding my valley, while brightening your wing. [_Tearing himself from love, and dashing toward the right._] But the shadow still fights all along the line of retreat. There is much to be done over there! Cock-a-doodle-doo!
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Looking up at the sky._] Oh, look!
CHANTECLER [_Looking too, sadly._] How can I prevent it? The morning star is fading out!
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_In a tone of regret for the little bright spark which the growing light must necessarily quench._] It is fading out--
CHANTECLER Alas!--But shall we therefore despond? [_And tearing himself from melancholy, he springs toward the left._] There is still much to do over here. Cock-a--[_At this point the crowing of other_ COCKS _ascends from the valley._ CHANTECLER _listens, then softly._] Hark! Do you hear them now?
THE PHEASANT-HEN Who dare--?
CHANTECLER The other Cocks.
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Bending above the plain._] They are singing in the rosy light--
CHANTECLER Yes, they believe in the light as soon as they see it.
THE PHEASANT-HEN They sing all in a haze of blue--
CHANTECLER I sang in total blackness. My song rose from the cheerless shade, and was the first to rise. It is when Night prevails that it’s fine to believe in the Light!
THE PHEASANT-HEN How dare they sing when you are singing?
CHANTECLER Let them sing! Their songs acquire significance from mingling with mine, and their tardy but numerous cries unconsciously hasten the flight of the dark. [_Straightening upon his hillock, he calls to the distant_ COCKS.] Now, all together!
CHANTECLER AND ALL THE COCKS Cock-a-doodle-doo!
CHANTECLER [_Alone, with familiar cordiality._] Forward, forward, boldly, Day!
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Beside him, stamping her feet._] Boldly, Day!
CHANTECLER [_Crying encouragements to the Light._] Yes, there, there before you, is a roof for you to gild! Come, come, a touch of green on that patch of waving hemp!
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Beside herself with excitement._] A glimmer of white on that road!
CHANTECLER A wash of blue on the river!
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_In a great cry._] The Sun! Look, the Sun!
CHANTECLER There he is, I can see him, but we must hale him from that grove! [_And both of them, moving backward together, appear to be drawing something after them._ CHANTECLER _prolonging his crow as if to drag up the_ SUN _by it._] Cooooooo--
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Shouting above_ CHANTECLER’S _crow._] There he comes--
CHANTECLER --oock-a--
THE PHEASANT-HEN --climbing--
CHANTECLER --doodle--
THE PHEASANT-HEN --above--
CHANTECLER --doooooo!
THE PHEASANT-HEN --the poplars!
CHANTECLER [_In a last, dry-throated, desperate crow._] Cock-a-doodle-doo [_Both stagger, suddenly flooded with light._] It is done! [_He adds, in a tone of satisfaction._] A proper Sun,--a giant! [_He totters toward a mossy rise and drops against it._]
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Running to him, while all grows brighter and brighter._] One song now to greet the beautiful rising Sun!
CHANTECLER [_Very low._] I have no voice left. I spent it all. [_Hearing the other_ COCKS _crowing in the valley, he adds gently._] It matters not. He has the songs and praises of the others.
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Surprised._] What? After he appears, he hears no more from you?
CHANTECLER No more.
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Indignant._] But in that case, perhaps the Sun believes the other Cocks have made him rise?
CHANTECLER It matters not.
THE PHEASANT-HEN But--
CHANTECLER Hush! Come to my heart and let me thank you. Never has there been a lovelier dawn.
THE PHEASANT-HEN But what will repay you for all your pains?
CHANTECLER Echoes of awakening life down in the valley! [_Confused living noises are beginning to mount from below._] Tell me of them. I have not the strength to listen for myself.
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Runs to the top of the rise, and listens._] I hear a finger knocking against the rim of a brazen sky--
CHANTECLER [_With closed eyes._] The Angelus.
THE PHEASANT-HEN Other strokes, which sound like a human Angelus after the divine--
CHANTECLER The forge-hammer.
THE PHEASANT-HEN Lowing,--then a song--
CHANTECLER The plow.
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Continuing to listen._] Sounds as of a bird’s nest fallen into the little street--
CHANTECLER [_With growing emotion._] The school!
THE PHEASANT-HEN Imps of whom I catch no glimpse buffet one another in the water--
CHANTECLER Women washing linen.
THE PHEASANT-HEN And suddenly, on all sides, what are they--iron locusts rubbing their wings together?
CHANTECLER [_Half rising, in the fullness of pride._] Ah, if scythes are whetting, the reapers will soon be harvesting the golden grain! [_The sounds increase and mingle: bells, hammers, washer-women’s wooden spades, laughter, singing, grinding of steel, cracking of whips._] All at work! And I have done that!--Oh, impossible!--Pheasant-hen, help me! This is the dreadful moment! [_He looks wildly about him._] I made the sunrise! I did! Wherefore And how? And where? No sooner does my reason return--than I go mad! For I who believe I have power to rekindle the celestial gold--I--well--oh, it is dreadful--
THE PHEASANT-HEN What is?
CHANTECLER I am humble-minded, modest! You will never tell?
THE PHEASANT-HEN No, no!
CHANTECLER You promise? Ah! let my enemies never know!
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Moved._] Chantecler!
CHANTECLER I feel myself unworthy of my glory. Why was I chosen, even I, to drive out black night? No sooner have I brought the heavens to a white glow, than the pride which lifted me aloft drops dead. I fall to earth. What, I, so small, I made the immeasurable dawn? And having done this, I must do it again? Nay, but I cannot! Nay, it would be vain! Never need I attempt it! Despair overtakes me--Comfort me, love!
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Tenderly._] My own!
CHANTECLER Such a burden of responsibility resting upon me! That inspiring breath which I await when I scratch in the sand, will it come again? I feel the whole future depending upon an incomprehensible something which might perchance fail me! Do you understand now the anguish gnawing me? Ah, the swan is certain, by bending his neck, to find under water the grasses he delights in; the eagle, when he swoops from the blue, sure of falling upon his prey; and you are ever sure of finding in the earth the well supplied nests of the ants,--but I, for whom my own work remains a mystery, I, possessed ever by the fear of the morrow, am I sure of finding my song in my heart?
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Clasping him with her wings._] Surely, you will find it, surely!
CHANTECLER Yes, talk to me like that. I listen, I heed you. You must believe me when I believe, and not when I doubt. Tell me again--
THE PHEASANT-HEN You are beautiful!
CHANTECLER About that I care very little.
THE PHEASANT-HEN And you sang beautifully!
CHANTECLER Say that I sang badly, but tell me that it is I who make--
THE PHEASANT-HEN Indeed, indeed, I admire you beyond all bounds and measure!
CHANTECLER No,--tell me that what I told you is true--
THE PHEASANT-HEN What?
CHANTECLER That it is I who make--
THE PHEASANT-HEN Yes, my glorious Beloved, yes, it is you who make the dawn appear!
THE BLACKBIRD [_Suddenly appearing._] Well, well, old man!
SCENE FOURTH
THE SAME, THE BLACKBIRD
CHANTECLER The Blackbird!--My secret!
THE BLACKBIRD [_Bowing with every sign of admiration._] Allow me to--
CHANTECLER That inveterate mocker! [_To the_ PHEASANT-HEN.] Leave us not alone! My soul is still open--his mockery would enter in!
THE BLACKBIRD Ripping!
CHANTECLER Where have you come from?
THE BLACKBIRD [_Indicating an empty overturned flower-pot._] From that flower-pot.
CHANTECLER But how--?
THE BLACKBIRD I was having my early snack cozily in the earthenware retreat you see, when suddenly--oh, allow me to express at once the amazement, the admiration--
CHANTECLER Eavesdropping inside a pot! How can you stoop to--
THE BLACKBIRD Hang the pot! I’ve had a sensation! I tell you I was wild! My feet were doing such a horn-pipe I had trouble to keep my eye steady at the peep-hole.
THE PHEASANT-HEN You could see us?
THE BLACKBIRD [_Showing the hole at the bottom of the flower-pot._] Could I see you! Yonder stump of red cone has exactly the black hole to let through my yellow bill. Apologies,--but it was too tempting! A bird of taste, I am.
THE PHEASANT-HEN For the sake of this sincere tribute, I forgive you all the rest!
CHANTECLER But--
THE BLACKBIRD [_Coming and going in excitement._] Oh, wonderful, and again wonderful, and then again wonderful!--Hear me rant!
CHANTECLER [_Amazed._] What, is it possible that you--?
THE BLACKBIRD Am I given to gush? This time, old man, it’s the genuine article, Enthusiasm with a capital E!
CHANTECLER Are you in earnest?
THE BLACKBIRD Must I send you a blankety carrier-pigeon with the news?--That Cock and that crow,--oh, my soul!--And then the day breaking,--oh, my stars!
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_To_ CHANTECLER.] There seems to be no reason, dear, why I should not leave you alone together.
CHANTECLER But where are you going?
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Slightly ashamed of her own frivolity._] I am going to the--
THE BLACKBIRD The Guinea-hen’s Day he’s just given the finishing touches to!
CHANTECLER [_To the_ PHEASANT-HEN.] Must I go too?
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Tenderly._] No, after rising to such heights, I think you may be excused from the Guinea-hen’s at home!
CHANTECLER [_With a touch of sadness._] You, however, are going?
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Gaily._] I want to show off your sunshine on my dress! I will be back directly. Wait for me here.
THE BLACKBIRD Yes, much better keep out of the way.
CHANTECLER [_Looking at him._] Wherefore?
THE BLACKBIRD [_Quickly._] Nothing! [_Falling into fresh ecstasies._] Oh, this blessed Cock of ours!
CHANTECLER [_To the_ PHEASANT-HEN.] You will not be long?
THE PHEASANT-HEN The merest moment. [_Low to him before leaving._] You see, even the Blackbird is impressed! [_She flies off._]
SCENE FIFTH
CHANTECLER, THE BLACKBIRD
CHANTECLER [_Coming back to the_ BLACKBIRD.] And so that habitual skeptical sneer--?
THE BLACKBIRD Wiped out! My satirical whistling, as the Dog called it, now expresses pure admiration. Listen, like this: [_He whistles admiringly._] Tew!--How is that?--Tew-tew [_Nodding soberly._] That’s all right!
CHANTECLER [_Innocently._] You are not such a bad fellow, after all. I said so to the Dog.
THE BLACKBIRD [_With profound conviction._] You’re a wonderful old boy!
CHANTECLER [_Modestly._] Oh!
THE BLACKBIRD To come it over the Hens--[_He again whistles Admiringly._] make them believe that he engineers the dawn! [CHANTECLER _starts._] A simple idea, but it took you to get on to it! Brother, I believe you were hatched in Columbus’ egg!
CHANTECLER But--
THE BLACKBIRD All other Don Juans are donkeys beside you! Says he to himself: Make the daybreak to impress little pheasant-hens! And does it, too--succeeds!
CHANTECLER [_In a smothered voice._] Be still!
THE BLACKBIRD Neat, the little roof which must be gilded! Complete, the ladder for the Motes!
CHANTECLER [_In a spasm of pain._] Be still!
THE BLACKBIRD And the access of modesty, a sweet little final touch! I kiss my hand to you! Oh, he knows how--no mistake he knows--
CHANTECLER [_Constraining himself, in a curt voice._] The Dawn? Certainly, I know her. I think I may claim that honor!
THE BLACKBIRD You precious fakir! Don’t you consider you have succeeded?
CHANTECLER In bringing on the day? Yes, certainly, I have succeeded admirably, in this case.
THE BLACKBIRD Oh, you do it so well! How awfully well he does it!
CHANTECLER Making the light? Of course, I have done it so often! I am used to it. The Sun obeys me.
THE BLACKBIRD So, worthy Joshua! You feel the dawn coming, and then you crow! For lightness of touch and richness of invention, give us a lyric poet!
CHANTECLER [_Bursting forth._] Wretch!
THE BLACKBIRD [_Surprised._] Are you keeping it up with me? [_Winking._] Oh, we know how the thing is done!
CHANTECLER You may know,--not I! I just open my heart and sing!
THE BLACKBIRD [_Hopping about._] That’s the idea!
CHANTECLER Blackbird, laugh at everything besides, but not at that, if you love me!
THE BLACKBIRD I love you!
CHANTECLER [_Bitterly._] With half a heart!
THE BLACKBIRD Can’t say a word about his _Fiat Lux?_
CHANTECLER Not that! Not that!
THE BLACKBIRD Old man, it’s not my fault that I’m no gull.
CHANTECLER [_Looking after him as he hops about._] He cannot keep still long enough, I suppose, to let the sacred truth sink in. [_Trying to stop him in his hopping._] You behold the agony of emotion shaking me. No more baffle and keep me off with words!
THE BLACKBIRD [_Hopping past him._] Catch, if you can, and convince me!
CHANTECLER [_Imploring._] It’s a matter of life--my profoundest life! Oh, convince you I must, if only for a second! I feel the holy impulse to struggle with your soul!
THE BLACKBIRD [_Hopping past him._] Do you!
CHANTECLER In solemn earnest, at the bottom of your heart, you did--did you not?--believe me?
THE BLACKBIRD I believe you!
CHANTECLER [_With pressing anguish._] You must in some manner be aware of the dreadful cost to me of that song? Come, use your reason. To sing as you heard me sing, you must realise that I needed--
THE BLACKBIRD A whopping muscle and a tolerable nerve!
CHANTECLER No, let us not make light of serious things, responsible winged creatures that we are!
THE BLACKBIRD Let us go in for heavy-weight truths, by all means!
CHANTECLER But can’t you see that to look straight at the sun, rising before his eyes by the exertions of his larynx, one must have at the same time--
THE BLACKBIRD Stentorian lungs and the eyes of a lynx! [_He hops out of the way._]
CHANTECLER [_Controlling himself._] No, I cannot give up the hope of winning this soul to the truth! [_With desperate patience._] Come, now, have you any conception, unhappy bird, of what dawn actually is?
THE BLACKBIRD I should say so! It’s the time of day when fluffy Aurora gets busy, as it were, and plays ball!
CHANTECLER But what do you say when you see the dawn shining upon the mountains?
THE BLACKBIRD Mountains, I say, what on earth are you blushing about?
CHANTECLER And what do you say when you hear me singing in the furrow long before the cricket is awake?
THE BLACKBIRD Cricket, I say, you scandalous slug-a-bed! [_He hops out of the way._]
CHANTECLER [_Beside himself._] Are you conscious of no impulse to exclaim, cry out, when I have made a dawn so fine and fiery-red that the heron, flying in the early glow, looks from afar like a flamingo?
THE BLACKBIRD Sure, brother, sure! I feel like shouting, “Bully, do it again!” [_He hops out of the way._]
CHANTECLER [_Exhausted._] That soul! I am more spent with chasing it than with a whole day’s grasshopper hunting! [_Violently._] Did you not see the sky?
THE BLACKBIRD [_Simply._] How could I? The ground is all you can see through that little black hole. [_Pointing at the flower-pot._]
CHANTECLER Did you see the mountain-tops tremble and turn crimson?
THE BLACKBIRD While you were crowing, I had my eye on your feet.
CHANTECLER [_Sorrowfully._] Ah!
THE BLACKBIRD They were performing on the soft sod something choice in the line of fancy dances!
CHANTECLER [_Giving up._] I pity you! Back to your darkness, obscure Blackbird!
THE BLACKBIRD Your obedient servant, illustrious Cock!
CHANTECLER My course is toward the sun!
THE BLACKBIRD Take along smoked glasses!
CHANTECLER Blackbird, do you know the one thing upon earth worthy that one should live wholly for its sake?
THE BLACKBIRD There I draw the line. I won’t enter the debate!
CHANTECLER That thing is effort, Blackbird--effort, which uplifts and ennobles the lowest! For which reason, you, contemner of every sublime aspiration, I contemn! And that fragile roseate snail, struggling unaided to silver over a whole fagot, I honour!
THE BLACKBIRD [_Snapping up the snail._] I’ll make him look silly!
CHANTECLER [_With a cry of horror._] Abominable! To point a joke--put out a little flame! An end. Here we part. You have no more heart than soul. [_Going._]
THE BLACKBIRD [_Hopping up on the fagot._] I have mind, however!
CHANTECLER [_Turning, disdainfully._] That is open to discussion.
THE BLACKBIRD [_Acidly._] Oh, very well! I was administering, in my merry little characteristic way, a grain of antidote against lunacy. But I wash my claws of you. Go ahead, justify the report of your enemies.
CHANTECLER [_Returning._] Who? What?
THE BLACKBIRD Strut about with your bill-board: “I’m the whole show!”
CHANTECLER You associate with those who hate me?
THE BLACKBIRD Do you object?
CHANTECLER No, you pitiful jester! The habit has grown so strong, you can no more be in earnest about friendship now than anything else. [_Going nearer to him._] Who are my enemies?
THE BLACKBIRD The Owls.
CHANTECLER You sorry fool! Can’t you see that to believe in my destiny becomes all too easy if the Owls are against me?
THE BLACKBIRD Rest happy, then. They have a deal on--your lighting of the world being a trifle flashy for their taste--a deal on for cutting your throat.
CHANTECLER Through whom?
THE BLACKBIRD A brother bird.
CHANTECLER A Cock?
THE BLACKBIRD A Saint George of a Cock, who is to meet you--
CHANTECLER Where?
THE BLACKBIRD At the Guinea-hen’s.
CHANTECLER What a farce!
THE BLACKBIRD Wait! It’s one of those Cocks bred and trained for fighting, who would make just two bites of either you or me. [_As_ CHANTECLER _abruptly starts toward the back._] Where are you going?
CHANTECLER To the Guinea-hen’s.
THE BLACKBIRD Ha! I forgot our knightly spurs and helmet! [_He makes a feint of preventing him._] Take my advice, don’t go!
CHANTECLER But I will go!
THE BLACKBIRD Hold on!
CHANTECLER [_Stopping beside the flower-pot, as if amazed._] How singular!
THE BLACKBIRD What?
CHANTECLER Did I understand you to say you came out of that flower-pot?
THE BLACKBIRD You did.
CHANTECLER [_Incredulous._] But how could you possibly have got into it?
THE BLACKBIRD [_Getting into the pot._] I told you, and tell you again! Through that little black hole I was looking at the--[_He thrusts his bill through the hole at the bottom._]
CHANTECLER The earth! And now through a little blue hole you shall look at the sky! [_With a vigorous blow of his wing he turns the pot over the_ BLACKBIRD, _who is heard fluttering beneath it, with smothered cries._] For you hate and shun the blue sky, you Dwellers in Pots! But one can force you to see at least as much as would cover a corn-flower, by overturning your pot, now and then--with the sweep of a wing! [_Off._]
CURTAIN
ACT THIRD
THE GUINEA-HEN’S DAY
_Corner of a kitchen-garden, enclosed on the sides by hedges. At the back, espaliers. Vegetables and flowers of all kinds. Cold frames. Among the fruit trees, an upright pole, rigged in an old frock-coat, pair of trousers, and opera hat, fills the function of scarecrow._
SCENE FIRST
_The_ GUINEA-HEN, HENS, DUCKS, _etc.; the_ PHEASANT-HEN, _the_ BLACKBIRD, _later_ PATOU.
_At the rise of the curtain, multitudinous clatter and confused swarming of_ HENS _and_ CHICKENS.
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Going impetuously from one to the other._] How do you do? How do you do?--There is scarcely room to move! My guests reach all the way to the cucumber patch!
CHORUS [_Up in the air._] _Busily buzzing_--
THE GUINEA-HEN A regular crush!
A HEN [_Gazing at a row of huge pumpkins._] What attractive objects!
THE GUINEA-HEN Art pottery! Rather good of its kind, if I do say so!
A CHICK [_Listening with his bill in the air._] Singers?
THE GUINEA-HEN Yes,--
CHORUS
_Busily buzzing_--
THE GUINEA-HEN [_In her sprightliest manner._] The Wasps! [_To a_ CHICKEN.] How do you do? [_She flits from one guest to the other._]
THE WASPS
_Busily buzzing
Estival glees.
Fill we with murmurs
The mulberry trees_!
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Passing with the_ BLACKBIRD _and laughing._] So you were caught?
THE BLACKBIRD [_Finishing his story._] Exactly as if a hat had been plumped down over me. But I managed by beating my wings to throw off the beastly pot. [_Looking around him._] Chantecler has not come yet?
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Surprised._] Is he coming?
PATOU [_Suddenly appearing on the wheelbarrow, from whence he can watch the scene as from a pulpit._] I still hope he may change his mind.
THE BLACKBIRD Patou there, in the wheelbarrow?
PATOU [_Shaking his surly head, and a bit of broken chain hanging from his collar._] Chantecler told me everything Blackbird, as he went by. In a towering rage I broke my chain, and am here to keep an eye on the wicked lot of you.
THE GUINEA-HEN [_To the_ BLACKBIRD.] Has he invited himself to my party, that moth-eaten old thing?
CHORUS [_Among the trees._] _Our praises, Sun, our praises!_
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Looking upward._] Music?
THE GUINEA-HEN The Cicadas!
CHORUS OF CICADAS
_We simmer in thy gaze,
We bask beneath thy blaze,
Receive our grateful praise!_
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK [_Low and quickly to his mother._] Tsicadas, mother. You must pronounce it Tsi!
A MAGPIE [_In black coat and white tie, announcing the guests as they arrive through a hole such as Chickens dig at the foot of hedges._] The Gander!
THE GANDER [_Entering, jocularly._] What’s all this fuss and feathers my lady? Our names called as we enter?
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Demurely._] Yes, you see, expecting some rather great people, I thought it well to stand an usher at the blackthorn door.
THE MAGPIE [_Announcing._] The Duck!
THE DUCK [_Entering, impressed by the elegance of the occasion._] Here is style and grandeur indeed! Our names called!
THE GUINEA-HEN Yes, you see, expecting some rather great people--
THE MAGPIE The Turkey-hen!
THE TURKEY-HEN [_Entering, after a supercilious glance._] This is quite more of an affair, my dear, than I was anticipating.--Names called!
THE GUINEA-HEN Yes, I had in the Magpie to supplement my usual staff.
CHORUS
[_Among blossoming branches._]
_Boom! Boom!
From bloom to bloom_!
THE TURKEY-HEN [_Lifting her bill._] A Chorus?
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Breezily._] The Bees!
CHORUS
_Make distant flowers
Bride and groom!_
THE TURKEY-HEN Wonders on every side!
THE GUINEA-HEN The Bees here, the Tsicadas yonder--[_To a passing_ HEN.] How do you do? How do you do?
BEES [_At the right._] _Boom!_
CICADAS [_At the left._] _Our praises!_
BEES
_Boom!_
CICADAS
_Our praises!_
THE GUINEA-HEN [_To the_ PHEASANT-HEN.] My garden produces the most remarkable of everything!
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK The brightest flowers!
THE GUINEA-HEN The big potatoes!
THE BLACKBIRD And peaches! Perfect peaches!
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Inconvenienced by the movement and the crowd, to the_ BLACKBIRD.] Let us stand out of the crowd a moment, behind this watering-pot.
THE BLACKBIRD The watering-pot, alias the Intermittent Baldpate, so called because there flows from his copper scalp when he is tilted a marvelous growth of silver hair.
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Spying the_ CAT, _who, outstretched along an apple-bough is watching with half-closed eyes._] I have among my guests the Cat.
THE BLACKBIRD Tomkyns de Tomkyns! [_A_ BIRD _is heard warbling in a tree._]
THE GUINEA-HEN I have the Chaffinch!
THE BLACKBIRD Let him chaff inchworms, what care we?
THE GUINEA-HEN The Darning-needle!
THE BLACKBIRD She shall mend up Ragged Robin, now’s his chance!
PATOU [_More and more disgusted._] All that is supposed to be funny!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Pecking a cabbage leaf from which roll drops of dew._] I have the Dew!
PATOU [_Grimly._] Your witticism for her?
THE BLACKBIRD [_Brightly._] Fresh-water pearls!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Pointing out several_ CHICKS _walking among the crowd._] Have you seen them? I have several of the A.I.’s Chicks!
THE PHEASANT-HEN A.I.?
THE GUINEA-HEN The Acme Incubator.
THE PHEASANT-HEN Oh, have you?
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Presenting the_ CHICKS.] All from the topmost compartment!
THE PHEASANT-HEN Indeed?
ONE OF THE CHICKS [_Nudging his neighbour._] She is dumbfounded!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Contemptuously._] Eggs hatched by the old vulgar method, fie!
THE BLACKBIRD, Good Lord, exempt us!
THE MAGPIE [_Announcing._] The Guinea-pig!
THE GUINEA-HEN It’s the famous one, you know! The Guinea-pig who was inoculated--surely you remember the case--very well, that’s the one! There you see him. I made a point of getting him to come. Everybody is here! I have everybody! I have--[_To the_ GUINEA-PIG.] How do you do? [_To the_ PHEASANT-HEN.] I have our great philosopher Tur-Key--Yes, it should be written with a hyphen--who will give us a little talk among the currant bushes under the tea-roses--[_To a passing_ HEN.] How do you do? [_To the_ PHEASANT-HEN.] Educational Tea or Currant Topics! [_Whirling from one to the other._] Everyone is here, everyone of the slightest mark or consequence! The Pheasant-hen is here, in a frock from fairyland. The Duck is here, who is so good as to say he will recite for us by and by. The Tortoise is here--[_Noticing that the_ TORTOISE _is not there_] I was mistaken, the Tortoise is not here. She is late.
THE BLACKBIRD [_Affecting deep concern._] What is the little talk she seems so regrettably likely to miss?
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Suddenly serious._] The Moral Problem.
THE BLACKBIRD What a pity!
[_The_ GUINEA-HEN _goes to the back, scattering greetings, in ecstasies of sociability._]
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_To the_ BLACKBIRD.] Who is the Tortoise?
THE BLACKBIRD A hard old character, impervious, I fear, to moral problems, who goes in for walking matches in a loud check suit!
[_Murmur among the hollyhocks._]
THE PHEASANT-HEN Listen, a Drone!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Briskly returning._] The Drone is here! In the bright light overhead, what a stylish figure of a fly!
THE BLACKBIRD No “at home” complete without it! Ladies cry for it! Won’t be happy until--
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Jumping up in the air toward the_ DRONE.] How do you do? How do you do? [_She follows his flight with excited leaps and hops._]
THE BLACKBIRD [_Touching his brow with his wing._] She is dotty!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_At the back, with shrill_ GUINEA-HEN _cries._] It’s my last day! How do you do? My last day until August! Mondays in August, don’t forget!
A HEN [_Seeing cherries dropping around her._] Oh, cherries, look!
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Looking upward._] It is the Breeze!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Fluttering forward again, excited as ever._] I have the Breeze, who now and then shakes down a cherry! I never ask her. She comes unasked. What’s-his-name is here! And What’s-her-name is here, and--[_To the back tumultuously._]
THE BLACKBIRD And Thingumbob, and Stick-in-the-mud! [_He has arrived without appearance of design beneath the tree where the_ CAT _is lying, and asks rapidly, under breath._] Cat, what about the conspiracy?
THE CAT [_Who from his tree can see beyond the hedge._] It is afoot. I see the interminable file of phenomenal Cocks approaching, headed by the Peacock who comes to present them.
A CRY [_Outside._] Ee--yong! [_The_ CROWD _throngs toward the entrance._]
PATOU [_Grumbling._] That abominable concertina cry--
THE MAGPIE The Peacock!
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_To the_ BLACKBIRD.] Have you a fancy name for him?
THE BLACKBIRD [_Imitating the_ PEACOCK’S _cry._] Our great Accordee-yong!
SCENE SECOND
THE SAME, THE PEACOCK.
THE GUINEA-HEN [_To the_ PEACOCK, _who enters slowly, with his head borne very stiff and high._] Master, dear Master, would you be so extremely condescending as to come and stand with your back to these sunflowers? Peacock! Sunflowers! A study for Burne-Jones!
ALL [_Crowding around the_ PEACOCK.] Master! Master!
A CHICKEN [_Low to the_ DUCK.] A word from him can make one’s fortune in society!
ANOTHER CHICKEN [_Who has succeeded in forcing his way to the_ PEACOCK, _stammering with emotion._] Master, what do you think of my latest “cheep”? [_Suspense. Religious silence._]
THE PEACOCK [_Solemnly, letting the word drop slowly from his beak._] Definitive. [_Sensation._]
A DUCK [_Trembling._] And my “quack”? [_Suspense._]
THE PEACOCK Ultimate! [_Sensation._]
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Delighted, to the_ HENS.] I may say that it is at my days most especially he throws off these specimens of a verbal art which might fairly be called--
THE PEACOCK Lapidary.
ALL THE HENS [_Rolling up their eyes._] Wonderful!
A HEN [_Coming forward, faint with emotion._] Master, high priest of taste, what do you think of my dress? [_Suspense._]
THE PEACOCK [_After a glance._] Affirmative. [_Sensation._]
THE TUFTED HEN [_Same business._] And my bonnet? [_Suspense._]
THE PEACOCK Absolute. [_Sensation._]
THE GUINEA-HEN [_In a burst of emotion._] Our bonnets are absolute!
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Affecting exclusive interest in the_ BEES.] Ah, there is the Choir Invisible striking up again!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Presenting the young_ GUINEA-COCK _to the_ PEACOCK.] My son!--What do you think of him?
THE PEACOCK Plausible.
CHORUS OF WASPS
_Busily buzzing_--
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Overjoyed, running to the_ PHEASANT-HEN.] Oh, he said he was plausible!
THE PHEASANT-HEN Who was?
THE GUINEA-HEN My son!
CHORUS OF BEES
_When July
Too holly glows
Seek the shade
Inside the rose_!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Returning to the_ PEACOCK.] Does not the rhythm of that chorus impress you as--
THE PEACOCK Asunartetos!
A HEN [_To the_ GUINEA-HEN.] Your guest, my dear, can fit an epithet!
THE GUINEA-HEN Pontiff of the Unexpected Adjective I call him!
THE PEACOCK [_Distilling his words, in a discordant haughty voice._] True it is that--
THE GUINEA-HEN Ah, this is most pleasant, most pleasant! He is going to talk to us.
THE PEACOCK --a Ruskin rather more refined, I hope, than the earlier one, with a tact--
THE GUINEA-HEN Very true!
PEACOCK --a tact for which I stand largely in my own debt, I have constituted myself Petronius-Priest and Maecenas-Messiah volatile volatiliser of words, and that, jeweled judge, I love by my cameos and filigrees of speech to represent the Taste of which I am the--
PATOU Oh, my poor head!
THE PEACOCK [_Nonchalantly._]--shall I say guardian?
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Effervescently._] Do say guardian!
THE PEACOCK No. Thesmothetes. [_Respectful murmur of delight._]
THE GUINEA-HEN [_To the_ PHEASANT-HEN.] Now you have seen our Peacock! Aren’t you excited?
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Slightly bored._] Yes,--because I know the Cock is coming.
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Delighted._] To-day? He is coming to-day? [_She announces to the general company, enthusiastically._] Chantecler!
THE PEACOCK [_Slightly miffed._] A far greater triumph lies in store for you, fair friend.
THE GUINEA-HEN Triumph? [_The_ PEACOCK _nods mysteriously._] What triumph?
THE PEACOCK [_Walking away from her._] You shall see.
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Following him._] Of what triumph are you speaking?
THE PEACOCK I said, “You shall see!”
MAGPIE [_Announcing._] Cock Braekel of Campine!
SCENE THIRD
THE SAME, _then gradually the_ COCKS.
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Stopping short, amazed._] Braekel? At my party? There’s some mistake.
THE BRAEKEL COCK [_Bowing before her._] Madam--
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Breathless with emotion in the presence of this white_ COCK _braided with black._] This unexpected pleasure--
THE MAGPIE [_Announcing._] Cock Ramelslohe--
THE GUINEA-HEN Heavens!
THE MAGPIE [_Finishing._]--of the Slate-blue Claw!
THE PEACOCK [_In the_ GUINEA-HEN’S _ear, while the startling_ RAMELSLOHE _bows._] He is one of the most recent leucotites!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Blankly._] A leucotite--How interesting!
THE MAGPIE [_Announcing in a louder and louder, more and more impressive voice._] Cock Wyandotte of the Sable Spur! [_Shiver of emotion among the_ HENS.]
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Off her head with excitement._] Heavens and gracious powers--my son!
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK [_Running to her._] Mamma!
THE GUINEA-HEN Wyandotte! Cock Wyandotte!
THE PEACOCK [_With a fine carelessness._] Cock with strawberry coronet, product of Art Nouveau!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_To the newcomers who are surrounded by astonished murmurs._] Strawberry coronet!--Gentlemen--
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK [_Who has gone to take a look outside._] Mamma!
THE GUINEA-HEN --so kindly condescending to honour my poor house--
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK Mamma, there are still others coming!
THE MAGPIE His lordship, the Cock--
THE GUINEA-HEN Heavens, what Cock?
THE MAGPIE Cock of Mesopotamia with the Double Comb!
THE GUINEA-HEN Double! Oh! [_Dashing to welcome the newcomer._] Charmed, charmed indeed!
THE PEACOCK Out upon the obsolete! I wished to show you a few young gentlemen slightly superlative and veritably precious.
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Returning to the_ PEACOCK.] How shall I thank you, Peacock, dear friend? [_To the_ PHEASANT-HEN, _patronizingly._] You will excuse me, I know, you charming little thing. You must understand, my dear, that his lordship the Cock of Mesopotamia has just arrived! [_Running to the_ COCK, _who bows his two combs._] A proud day for us! Charmed, delighted, enchanted!
MAGPIE Cock d’Orpington of the Feather-ringed Eye!
THE GUINEA-HEN Feather-ringed--Oh!
THE BLACKBIRD The plot thickens!
THE MAGPIE [_While the_ GUINEA-HEN _is flying toward the_ ORPINGTON COCK.] Bearded Cock of Varna!
THE PEACOCK [_To the_ GUINEA-HEN.] A typical Slav!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Leaving the_ ORPINGTON _for the_ BEARDED COCK.] Oh, the Slav soul we have heard so much about! Charmed, beyond words, charmed!
THE MAGPIE Rose-footed Scotch Grey Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Leaving the_ BEARDED COCK _for the_ SCOTCH GREY.] Oh, that rose foot! I do admire that rose foot! Think of introducing that rose foot at my tea! [_With conviction._] What a social event!
THE MAGPIE Cock--
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Out of her senses._] No, I say, no! There can’t be any more!
THE MAGPIE Cock with Goblet-shaped comb!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Who at every name rushes excitedly toward the newcomer._] Charmed, I am sure! Oh, what a novel notion! Goblet-shaped!
THE MAGPIE Blue Cock of Andalusia!
THE GUINEA-HEN Your egg, I presume, was laid in the vibrating hollow of a guitar! Delighted and honored,--both!
THE MAGPIE Cock Langsham!
THE PEACOCK A Tartar!
ALL THE HENS [_Smitten with amazement at sight of the black giant._] A Tartar!
THE MAGPIE Gold-penciled Hamburg Cock!
ALL THE HENS [_At sight of the gold-laced_ COCK _in the cocked hat._] Gold-penciled Hamburg!
THE GUINEA-HEN My kitchen-garden party will be famous! [_To the_ HAMBURG COCK, _whose breast is striped with black and yellow._] Oh, what a wonderful waistcoat! May I ask what it is made of?
THE BLACKBIRD Of zebra!
THE GUINEA-HEN Zebra, you don’t say so! It will be the pride of my life, of my whole--
THE MAGPIE Cock--
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Jumping._] No, I can’t believe it!
THE MAGPIE --of Burma!
THE GUINEA-HEN Burma! [_Increasing general agitation._]
THE PEACOCK An East Indian.
THE GUINEA-HEN Oh, I can see his Hindu soul right in his eyes, the Hindu soul we hear so much about! [_Running to the newcomer, in an adoring voice._] Charmed, charmed! The Hindu soul--oh!
THE MAGPIE Padua Cocks--The Dutch Padua of Poland!
THE GUINEA-HEN Dutch of Poland! This is really more than I ever aspired to!
[_The_ PADUA COCKS _enter, shaking their plumes._]
THE MAGPIE The Gold Cock! The Silver Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_In ecstasies of admiration before the flowing plume of the latter._] With a waterfall on his head!
THE BLACKBIRD And a suspension bridge!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_No longer conscious of what she is saying._] And a suspension bridge!
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_To_ PATOU.] Poor Guinea-hen, she will say anything after anybody!
THE MAGPIE [_Announcing in a louder and louder tone ever more extraordinary_ COCKS.] Bagdad Cock!
THE PEACOCK [_Dominating the tumult._] Consummately Arabian Nights.
THE GUINEA-HEN Did you hear? Consummately Arabian Nights!
ALL THE HENS To be sure! Awfully Arabian Nights!
THE PEACOCK Kamaralzaman himself is hardly more so.
THE MAGPIE Bantam Cock with ruffles!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Transported._] How eighteenth century this is! Look, oh, look! A dwarf! A dwarf! Dwarfs! Little cunning bits of dwarfs!
THE YOUNG GUINEA-COCK [_Low._] Mamma, do control yourself!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Screaming in the midst of the_ COCKS.] No, no, I can’t and won’t! That is Kamaralzaman! I don’t really know which I prefer, which I--
THE MAGPIE Guelder Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Rushing to the newcomer._] This is truly a treat! Another Belgian!
THE MAGPIE Serpent-necked Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Rattled._] To you, dear Seacock, I owe this Perpentneck!
THE MAGPIE Duck-sided Cock! Crow-billed Cock! Hawk-footed Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Who has fallen upon the new arrivals, bursts into shrill volubility before the last of them._] This surpasses all! An albino! Charmed, my dear sir, honoured, enchanted! Oh, on his head he wears a cheese!
A HEN So he does, a cheese!--A cream cheese, to be sure! A cream cheese!
ALL THE HENS A cream cheese!
THE MAGPIE CrËve Coeur Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Rushing to meet him._] Oh, he has horns on his head!
THE PEACOCK Satanic.
THE MAGPIE Ptarmigan Cock!
THE PEACOCK Aesthetic.
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Rushing up to him._] Oh, he wears on his head an Assyrian helmet!
THE MAGPIE White Pile--
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Rushing up to him._] He wears on his head--[_Stopping short at sight of his docked comb._] Nothing whatever. He wears nothing whatever on his head. How odd it looks!
THE CAT [_From his apple tree, to the_ BLACKBIRD, _indicating the_ WHITE PILE GAME-COCK.] There is the champion. The dust conceals a razor on his lean foot. [_The_ GAME-COCK _disappears among the throng of fancy_ COCKS, _who are surrounded by a swarm of cackling_ HENS.]
THE MAGPIE Negro Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Gone quite mad among the multitude of_ COCKS _now filling the kitchen-garden with their extraordinary head-gear aigrettes, and plumes and helmets, double and triple combs._] Charmed, honoured, enchanted--enchanted, honoured, charmed!
PATOU She has taken leave of her wits!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_To the empty air._] Charmed, charmed, enchanted, en--
THE MAGPIE Cock with Supernumerary Toe!--Naked-necked Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN Naked?
THE MAGPIE Necked!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_To a_ HEN.] My dear, now we shall see something worth while!
THE MAGPIE Japanese Cocks--Cock Splendens!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_At sight of this_ COCK _whose tail is eight yards long._] Oh!--In a swallow tail!
THE MAGPIE Clump-backed--
THE BLACKBIRD [_Perceiving that this_ COCK _is absolutely flat at the back._] In a monkey-jacket!
THE MAGPIE [_Finishing._]--or Tailless Cock!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Beside herself._] He has nothing whatever behind! This is the crowning moment of my career! [_To the newcomer, effusively._] Charmed! No tail! This is--
THE BLACKBIRD I like his cheek!
THE MAGPIE [_While more and more heterogeneous_ COCKS _appear._] Cock Walikikili, called Choki-kukullo! Pseudo-Chinese Cuculicolor!
THE GUINEA-HEN What a choice gathering!
THE PEACOCK Kaleidoscopically cosmopolitan.
THE MAGPIE Blue Java! White Java!
THE BLACKBIRD [_Losing all shame._] Won’t Java cup o’ coffee?
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Falling upon the_ JAVA COCKS.] Charmed, charmed!
THE MAGPIE Brahma Cock! Cochin Cock!
THE PEACOCK [_Proudly._] The great vicious Cocks, representatives of the corrupt East, the putrescent Orient!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Intoxicated._] Putrescent!
THE PEACOCK Unwholesome, morbid grace!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_To the_ COCHIN COCK.] Charmed! Charmed!--Do notice his obscene eye!
THE MAGPIE [_Announcing wildly, infected with the general delirium._] Chili Cock, curled hindside fore! Antwerp Cock, curled inside out!
ALL THE HENS [_Fighting for the newcomers._] Oh, putrescent!--Oh, hindside fore!
THE GUINEA-HEN Inside out!
THE MAGPIE Shankless Jumping-cock!
A HEN [_Fainting with emotion._] I suppose he jumps with his stomach!
THE GUINEA-HEN An India-rubber Cock!
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_To_ PATOU, _who from his wheelbarrow is looking off into the distance._] And Chantecler?
PATOU Will be here soon.
THE PHEASANT-HEN Can you see him?
PATOU Yes, off there, scratching up the earth. Now he is on his way.
THE MAGPIE Ghoondook Cock with Umbrella Topknot!
CRY OF ENTHUSIASM Oh!
THE MAGPIE Iberian Cock with Lint Side Whiskers!
CRY OF ENTHUSIASM Oh!
THE MAGPIE Cock Bans Backin or Fat Cheek of Thuringia!
CRY OF ENTHUSIASM Oh!
THE MAGPIE Yankee Cochin of Plymouth Rock!
[_Sudden silence._ CHANTECLER _has appeared at the entrance, just behind the_ COCK _last announced._]
CHANTECLER [_To the_ MAGPIE.] Pray simply say, “The Cock!”
SCENE FOURTH
THE SAME, CHANTECLER, _later_ THE PIGEONS, _and_ THE SWAN.
THE MAGPIE [_After looking_ CHANTECLER _up and down, disdainfully._] The Cock!
CHANTECLER [_From the threshold, to the_ GUINEA-HEN.] Your pardon Madam,--my humble duty!--for venturing to present myself in this plumage--
THE GUINEA-HEN Come in, I pray!
CHANTECLER I hardly know whether I should. I have a limited number of toes--
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Indulgently._] Oh, never mind!
CHANTECLER I cannot claim to be a Carpathian, and--I hardly know how to conceal it from you--I have feet!
THE GUINEA-HEN Oh, let not that distress you!
CHANTECLER A plain red-pepper comb, an ordinary garlic clove ear--
THE GUINEA-HEN Of course, of course, we will excuse you. You came in your business suit!
CHANTECLER Nay, my best! Pardon if my best combines merely the green of all April with the gold of all October! I stand abashed. I am the Cock, just the Cock, without further addition. The Cock such as he is still found in some old-fashioned barnyard. A Cock shaped like a Cock, whose outline persists in the vane on the steeple-top in the artist’s eye, and the humble toy which a child’s hand finds among shavings in a little wooden box.
AN IRONICAL VOICE [_From among the group of gorgeous prodigies._] The Gallic Cock, in short?
CHANTECLER [_Gently, without even turning._] Sure as I am of my aboriginal claim to this soil, I make no point of assuming the name. But, now you mention it, I recognise that when one simply says the Cock, that is the Cock he means!
THE BLACKBIRD [_Low to_ CHANTECLER.] I have seen your adversary!
CHANTECLER [_Catching sight of the_ PHEASANT-HEN _approaching._] Be still! She must know nothing of this!
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Coquettishly._] Did you come for the sake of seeing me?
CHANTECLER [_Bowing._] I am weak, you remember!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Listening to the_ COCHIN-CHINA COCK, _who is talking in an undertone, thickly surrounded by_ HENS.] That Cock from Cochin China is simply awful!
CHANTECLER [_Turning._] Enough!
THE HENS [_Around the_ COCHIN COCK, _giving little scandalised cries._] Oh!--
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Tickled._] Oh, you naughty bird!--He is quite the most improper of our gallinacea!
CHANTECLER [_Louder._] Enough!
THE COCHIN-CHINA COCK [_Stops, and with mocking surprise._] Is it the Gallic Cock objecting?
CHANTECLER I am not Gallic if you give the word a base or ridiculous meaning. By Jove! Every Hen here knows whether my trumpet blast belongs to a soprano! But your perverse attempts to wring blushes from little baggages in convenient corners outrage my love of Love! It is true that I care more to retain love’s dream than these Cochin-Chinese, who, courting a giggle, use refinement in coarseness, research in vulgarity; true that my blood has swifter flow in a less ponderous body, and that I am not a feathered pig,--but a Cock!
THE PHEASANT-HEN Come, come away to the woods,--I love you!
CHANTECLER [_Looking around him._] Oh, to see a real being appear! Someone simple, someone--
THE MAGPIE [_Announcing._] Two Pigeons!
CHANTECLER [_Drawing a breath of relief._] At last,--pigeons! [_He runs eagerly to the entrance._]
THE PIGEONS [_Entering with a series of somersaults._] Hop!
CHANTECLER [_Falling back in amazement._] What is this?
THE PIGEONS [_Introducing themselves between two springs._] The Tumblers! English Clowns!
CHANTECLER Where am I?
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Running after the_ TUMBLERS _who disappear among the throng of guests._] Hop! Hop!
CHANTECLER Pigeons turning acrobats!--Oh, the joy of seeing something true, something unblemished--
THE MAGPIE [_Announcing._] The Swan!
CHANTECLER [_Coming forward delighted._] Good! A Swan! [_Shrinking away._] He is black!
THE BLACK SWAN [_With swaggering satisfaction._] I have discarded the whiteness while preserving the outline!
CHANTECLER The real Swan’s shadow does no less! [_Thrusting the_ SWAN _aside to hop up on a bench whence, through a gap in the hedge, he can see the distant meadows._] Let me climb up on this bench. I need to make sure that Nature still exists--though so far away! Ah, yes! The grass is green, a cow is grazing, a calf sucking--And Heaven be praised, the calf has a single head! [_Coming down again beside the_ PHEASANT-HEN.]
THE PHEASANT-HEN Oh, come away to the innocent woods, sincere and dewy, where we will love each other!
THE BLACKBIRD [_Pointing at_ CHANTECLER _and the_ PHEASANT-HEN, _who are standing close and talking low._] We are getting on!
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Intensely interested._] Do you think so? [_She spreads her wings to screen them._] Oh, I am so fond of helping along a clandestine love affair!
THE BLACKBIRD [_Sticking his bill under the_ GUINEA-HEN’S _wing so as to keep the pair in sight._] I believe she has thoughts of annexing his comb.
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_To_ CHANTECLER.] Come, dearest, come away!
CHANTECLER [_Resisting._] No, I must sing where Destiny placed me. I am useful here, I am beloved--
THE PHEASANT-HEN [_Remembering what she overheard the night before in the farmyard._] Are you so sure?--Come away to the woods, where we shall hear real pigeons cooing tenderly to each other!
THE TURKEY [_At the back._] Ladies, the great Peacock--
THE PEACOCK [_Modestly._] The Super-peacock--who supervenes, and supersedes--
THE GUINEA-HEN Will spread his tail for us! He has expressed his amiable willingness so far to favour us.
[_The company falls into groups of spectators, the outlandish_ COCKS _forming a wreath around their patron._]
THE PEACOCK [_Preparing to spread his tail._] I am, by precious natural gift, in addition to my multifarious accomplishments something of a--shall I say artist in firework?
THE GUINEA-HEN [_Effervescently._] Yes!
THE PEACOCK No. Pyrotechnist. For the choicest piece in urban gardens, where Catharine-wheels on festival nights spurt sidereal spray, and rockets shot into gold-riddled skies fall back in prismatic showers, is less sapphirine, smaragdine, cuprine--
CHANTECLER Zounds!
THE PEACOCK --than, I venture to say, ladies, am I--
THE PHEASANT-HEN Oh, I understood that last word!
THE PEACOCK --when I unfurl the union of fan, jewel-case, and screen, upon which I offer to the self-same sunbeams that redden the reed all the joyous gems you now may contemplate!
CHANTECLER What a silly bill!
[_The_ PEACOCK _has spread his tail._]
A COCK [_To the_ PEACOCK.] Master, which of us will you make the fashion?
THE PADUA COCK [_Quickly coming forward._] Me! I look like a palm-tree!
A CHINA COCK [_Pushing the_ PADUA COCK _aside._] I look like a pagoda!
A BIG FEATHER-FOOTED COCK [_Pushing the_ CHINA COCK _aside._] Me! I have cauliflowers sprouting at my heels!
CHANTECLER Each is in one the show and Mr. Barnum!
ALL [_Parading and filing past the_ PEACOCK.] See my beak! See my feet! See my feathers!
CHANTECLER [_Suddenly shouting at them._] Lo! While you hold your costume contest, a Scarecrow gives you his blessing!
[_Behind them, in fact, the wind has lifted the arms of the_ SCARECROW, _which loosely wave above the pageant._]
ALL [_Starting back._] What?
CHANTECLER Behold this dummy talking to that lay-figure! [_While the wind blows through the flapping rags._] What say the trousers, dancing their limp fandango? They say, “We were once the fashion!” And, terror of the titlark, what says the old hat which a beggar would none of? “I was the fashion!” And the coat? “I was the fashion!” And the tattered sleeves, that no one has care to mend, try to clasp the Wind, whom they take for the Fashion, and drop back empty--The Wind has passed, the Wind is far!
THE PEACOCK [_To the animals slightly dismayed by this address._] You poor-spirited creatures, that thing cannot talk!
CHANTECLER Man says the same of us.
THE PEACOCK [_To the birds nearest to him._] He is vexed because of those Cocks whom I introduced. [_To_ CHANTECLER, _ironically._] What, my dear sir, do you say to these resplendent gentlemen?
CHANTECLER I say, my dear sir, that these resplendent gentlemen are manufactured wares, the work of merchants with highly complex brains, who to fashion a ridiculous Chicken have taken a wing from that one, a topknot from this. I say that in such Cocks nothing remains of the true Cock. They are Cocks of shreds and patches, idle bric-a-brac, fit to figure in a catalogue, not in a barnyard with its decent dunghill and its dog. I say that those befrizzled, beruffled, bedeviled Cocks were never stroked and cherished by Nature’s maternal hand. I say that it’s all Aviculture, and Aviculture is flapdoodle! And I say that those preposterous parrots, without style, without beauty, without form, whose bodies have not even kept the pleasing oval of the egg they were hatched from, look like so many desperate fowls escaped from some hen-coop of the Apocalypse!
A COCK My dear sir--
CHANTECLER [_With rising spirit._] And I add that the whole duty of a Cock is to be an embodied crimson cry! And when a Cock is not that, it matters little that his comb be shaped like a toadstool, or his quills twisted like a screw, he will soon vanish and be heard of no more, having been nothing but a variety of a variety!
A COCK I protest--
CHANTECLER [_Going from one to the other._] Yes, Cocks affecting incongruous forms, Cocks crowned with cocoa-palm coiffures--Hear me talk like the Peacock! I lapse into alliteration! [_Finding his fun in bewildering them with cackling guttural volubility._] Yes, Cockerels cockaded with cockles, Cockatrice-headed Cockasters, cock-eyed Cockatoos! Not content to be common Cocks, your crotchet it was to be what but crack Cocks? Yes, Fashion, to be accounted of thy flock, these chuckle-headed Cocks craved to be Super-cocks. But know ye not, ye crazy Cocks, one cannot be so queer a Cock, but there may occur a queerer Cock? Let some Cock come whose coccyx boasts a more flamboyant shock, and you pass like childish measles, croup or chicken-pox! Consider that to-morrow, high Cockalorums, fancy Cocks, consider that day after to-morrow, cheese-capped goblet-crested Cocks, in spite of curly hackle and cauliflowered hocks, a more fantastic Cock than ever may creep out of a--box! For the Cock-fancier, to diversify his stock, may more fantastically still combine his Cutcutdaycuts and his Cocks, and you will be no more--sad Cuckoos made a mock!--but old rococo Cocks beside this more coquettish Cock!
A COCK And how, may one learn from you, can a Cock secure himself against becoming rococo?
CHANTECLER One royal way there is: to think only of crowing like a right and proper Cock!
A COCK [_Haughtily._] We are well known, I beg to state, for our exceptionally fine crowing!
CHANTECLER Known to whom?
SCENE FIFTH
THE SAME, _three_ CHICKENS, _noticeable among the rest for a certain jaunty pertness of gait and demeanour, who for a minute or so have been moving among the artificial_ COCKS.
FIRST CHICKEN To us, of course!
SECOND CHICKEN To us!
THIRD CHICKEN To us!
ALL THREE [_Bowing at once._] Good morning!
FIRST CHICKEN Your voice?
SECOND CHICKEN Tenor?
THIRD CHICKEN Bass?
SECOND CHICKEN Robusto?
THIRD CHICKEN Di cortesia?
CHANTECLER [_Bewildered, looking toward the_ PHEASANT-HEN.] What is this? An interlude?
THE PHEASANT-HEN An interview.
SECOND CHICKEN Do you take it in your chest?
THIRD CHICKEN Or in your head?
CHANTECLER Do I take what?
FIRST CHICKEN Pray talk without reserve. We represent the Board of Investigation into the Gallodoodle Movement.
CHANTECLER That’s all very well, but I--[_Attempting to pass._]
FIRST CHICKEN You will find it difficult, I think, to leave, until you have answered such questions as we are pleased to ask. Is your early meal a light one?
CHANTECLER But--
SECOND CHICKEN You have tendencies, no doubt--
CHANTECLER Hosts.
SECOND CHICKEN What do you feel most particularly drawn to?
CHANTECLER Hens.
FIRST CHICKEN [_Without smiling._] Have you nothing to communicate with regard to your song?
CHANTECLER I just sing.
SECOND CHICKEN And when you sing--?
CHANTECLER The heavens hear me.
THIRD CHICKEN Have you a special method?
CHANTECLER I--
FIRST CHICKEN You live--
CHANTECLER To sing!
SECOND CHICKEN And your song--?
CHANTECLER Is my life!
THIRD CHICKEN But how do you sing?
CHANTECLER I take pains.
FIRST CHICKEN But do you scan [_Beating furiously with his wing._] one-one-two One-three? Three-one? Or four? What is your dynamic theory?
THE BLACKBIRD [_Shouting._] Who has not his little pet dynamic theory?
CHANTECLER Dyna--?
SECOND CHICKEN Where do you place the accent? On the Cock--?
THIRD CHICKEN On the Doo?
CHANTECLER On the--
FIRST CHICKEN [_Impatiently._] What is your school?
CHANTECLER Schools of Cocks?
SECOND CHICKEN [_Rapidly._] Certainly. Some sing Cock-a-doodle-doo, and some Keek-a-deedle-dee!
CHANTECLER Cock--? Keek--?
THIRD CHICKEN Not to speak of those who--
A COCK [_Coming forward._] The correct and proper way to crow is Cowkerdowdledow!
CHANTECLER What Cock is that?
FIRST CHICKEN An Anglo-Indian.
SECOND CHICKEN And the Turk over there, whose comb suggests a cyst, crows Coocooroocoocoo!
THIRD CHICKEN [_Shouting in his ear._] Do you not upon occasions vary your Cockadoodledoo with Cackadaddledaa?
ANOTHER COCK [_Springing up at the right._] I, for one, entirely suppress the vowels: C-ck-d-dl-d!
CHANTECLER [_Trying to get away._] Is it a Welsh Rabbit dream?
ANOTHER COCK [_Springing up at the left._] O-a-oo-e-oo! Have you ever tried suppressing the consonants?
ANOTHER COCK [_Pushing aside all the others._] I mix the whole thing up--Cuck-o-deedle-daa!--in a free and supple song!
CHANTECLER My brain reels!
ALL THE COCKS [_Gathered about him, fighting._] No! Cuckodee--No, Cackadaa--No, Coocooroo--
THE COCK [_Who mixes all up._] The free Cockadoodle! The free crow is obligatory!
CHANTECLER Pray, who is that, speaking with such authority?
FIRST CHICKEN It is a wonderful Cock who has never sung at all.
CHANTECLER [_In humble despair._] And I am only a Cock who sings!
EVERYBODY [_Drawing away from him in disgust._] I wouldn’t mention it if I were you!
CHANTECLER I give my song as the rose-tree gives its Rose!
THE PEACOCK [_Sarcastically._] Ah, I was waiting for the Rose! [_Pitying laughter._]
CHANTECLER [_Low, nervously, to the_ BLACKBIRD.] Is my prospective slayer going to keep me waiting much longer?
EVERYONE [_Disgusted._] The Rose? Oh!
THE GUINEA-HEN If you must mention flowers, let them be rather less--
THE PEACOCK Elementary. [_With the most disdainful impertinence._] So you are still at the declension of _Rosa?_
CHANTECLER I am, you--Peacock! You, I suppose, may be forgiven for speaking slightingly of the Rose, being a rival candidate for the beauty prize. [_Looking around him._] But I summon these Cocks, from Dorking to Bantam, to defend with me--
A COCK [_Nonchalantly._] Pray whom?
CHANTECLER The Rose, _Rosam;_ to declare on the spot and forthwith--
THE BLACKBIRD [_Ironically._] You set yourself up as the champion--
CHANTECLER _Rosarum,_ of roses, I do!--To declare that worship is due--
A COCK To whom, pray?
CHANTECLER To roses, _rosis!_--in whose hearts sleep rain-drops like essences in fragrant vials, to declare that they are, and ever will be--
A VOICE [_Cold and cutting._] Painted jades, things of naught! [_All the fancy_ COCKS _draw aside, revealing the_ WHITE PILE GAME COCK, _who appears, tall and lean and sinister at the further end of their double row._]
CHANTECLER At last!
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Chantecler: Play in Four ActsChapter III: Part 3
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