Chapter VII: Appendix: OF NOTES, &c., ARRANGED IN FOUR PARTS (5)

Now _Lambert’s_ sunk, and valiant M—— [_Monk_]
Does ape his General _Cromwel_,
And _Arthur’s_ Court, cause time is short,
Does rage like devils from hell;
Let’s mark the fate and course of State,
Who rises when t’other is sinking,
And believe when this is past
’Twill be our turn at last
To bring the Good Old Cause by drinking.

First, red nos’d _Nol_ he swallowed all,
His colour shew’d he lov’d it:
But _Dick_ his Son, as he were none,
Gav’t off, and hath reprov’d it;
But that his foes made bridge of’s nose,
And cry’d him down for a Protector,
Proving him to be a fool that would undertake to rule
And not drink and fight like _Hector_.

The Grecian lad he drank like mad, [p. 13.]
Minding no work above it;
And _Sans question_ kill’d _Ephestion_
Because he’d not approve it;
He got command where God had land,
And like a _Maudlin_ Yonker,
When he tippled all and wept, he laid him down to sleep,
Having no more Worlds to conquer.

Rump-Parliament would needs invent
An Oath of abjuration,
But Obedience and Allegiance are now come into fashion:
Then here’s a boul with heart and soul
To _Charles_, and let all say Amen to ’t;
Though they brought the Father down
From a triple Kingdom Crown,
We’ll drink the Son up again to ’t.

[p. 14.]

_A Song._

Riding to _London_, on _Dunstable_ way
I met with a Maid on _Midsummer_ day,
Her Eyes they did sparkle like Stars in the sky,
Her face it was fair, and her forehead was high:
The more I came to her, the more I did view her,
The better I lik’d her pretty sweet face, [p. 15.]
I could not forbear her, but still I drew near her,
And then I began to tell her my case:

Whither walk’st thou, my pretty sweet soul?
She modestly answer’d to _Hockley-i’th’-hole_.
I ask’d her her business; she had a red cheek,
She told me, she went a poor service to seek;
I said, it was pitty she should leave the City,
And settle her self in a Country Town;
She said it was certain it was her hard fortune
To go up a maiden, and so to come down.

With that I alighted, and to her I stept,
I took her by th’ hand, and this pretty maid wept;
Sweet[,] weep not, quoth I: I kist her soft lip;
I wrung her by th’ hand, and my finger she nipt;
So long there I woo’d her, such reasons I shew’d her,
That she my speeches could not controul,
But cursied finely, and got up behind me,
And back she rode with me to _Hockley-i’-th’-hole_.

When I came to _Hockley_ at the sign of the Cock,
By [a]lighting I chanced to see her white smock,
It lay so alluring upon her round knee,
I call’d for a Chamber immediately;
I hugg’d her, I tugg’d her, I kist her, I smugg’d her,
And gently I laid her down on a bed,
With nodding and pinking, with sighing & winking,
She told me a tale of her Maidenhead.

While she to me this story did tell,
I could not forbear, but on her I fell;
I tasted the pleasure of sweetest delight, [p. 16.]
We took up our lodging, and lay there all night;
With soft arms she roul’d me, and oft times told me,
She loved me deerly, even as her own soul:
But on the next morrow we parted with sorrow,
And so I lay with her at _Hockley-i’th’-hole_.

[p. 27.]

_Maidens delight._

A Young man of late, that lackt a mate,
And courting came unto her,
With Cap, and Kiss, and sweet Mistris,
But little could he do her;
Quoth she, my friend, let kissing end,
Where with you do me smother,
And run at Ring with t’other thing:
A little o’ th’ t’on with t’other.

Too much of ought is good for nought,
Then leave this idle kissing;
Your barren suit will yield no fruit
If the other thing be missing:
As much as this a man may kiss
His sister or his mother;
He that will speed must give with need
A little o’ th’ t’on with t’other.

Who bids a Guest unto a feast,
To sit by divers dishes,
They please their mind untill they find
Change, please each Creatures wishes;
With beak and bill I have my fill,
With measure running over;
The Lovers dish now do I wish,
A little o’ th’ t’on with t’other.

To gull me thus, like _Tantalus_,
To make me pine with plenty,
With shadows store, and nothing more, [p. 28.]
Your substance is so dainty;
A fruitless tree is like to thee,
Being but a kissing lover,
With leaves joyn fruit, or else be mute;
A little o’ th’ t’on with t’other.

Sharp joyn’d with flat, no mirth to that;
A low note and a higher,
Where Mean and Base keeps time and place,
Such musick maids desire:
All of one string doth loathing bring,
Change, is true Musicks Mother,
Then leave my face, and sound the base,
A little o’ th’ t’on with t’other.

The golden mine lies just between [? golden mean]
The high way and the lower;
He that wants wit that way to hit
Alas[!] hath little power;
You’l miss the clout if that you shoot
Much higher, or much lower:
Shoot just between, your arrows keen,
A little o’ th’ t’on with t’other.

No smoake desire without a fire,
No wax without a Writing:
If right you deal give Deeds to Seal,
And straight fall to inditing;
Thus do I take these lines I make,
As to a faithful Lover,
In order he’ll first write, then seal,
A little o’ th’ t’on with t’other.

Thus while she staid the young man plaid [p. 29.]
Not high, but low defending; [? descending;]
Each stroak he strook so well she took,
She swore it was past mending;
Let swaggering boys that think by toyes
Their Lovers to fetch over,
Lip-labour save, for the maids must have
A little o’ th’ t’on with t’other.

[p. 32.]

_A Song._

A Young man walking all alone
Abroad to take the air,
It was his chance to meet a maid
Of beauty passing fair:
Desiring her of curtesie
Down by him for to sit;
She answered him most modestly,
O nay, O nay not yet.

Forty Crowns I will give thee,
Sweet heart, in good red Gold,
If that thy favour I may win
With thee for to be bold:
She answered him with modesty,
And with a fervent wit,
Think’st thou I’ll stain my honesty?
O nay, O nay not yet.

Gold and silver is but dross, [p. 33.]
And worldly vanity;
There’s nothing I esteem so much
As my Virginity;
What do you think I am so loose, [_al. lect._, mad]
And of so little wit,
As for to lose my maidenhead?
O nay, O nay not yet.

Although our Sex be counted base,
And easie to be won,
You see that I can find a check
Dame Natures Games to shun;
Except it be in modesty,
That may become me fit,
Think’st I am weary of my honesty?
O nay, O nay not yet.

The young man stood in such a dump,
Not giving no more words,
He gave her that in quietness
Which love to maids affords:
The maid was ta’n as in a trance,
And such a sudden fit,
As she had almost quite forgot
Her nay, O nay not yet.

The way to win a womans love
Is only to be brief,
And give her that in quietness
Will ease her of her grief:
For kindness they will not refuse
When young men proffer it,
Although their common speeches be
O nay, O nay not yet.

[p. 56.]

_Admiral ~Deans~ Funeral._

1.

_Nick Culpepper_, and _William Lilly_,
Though you were pleas’d to say they were silly,
Yet something these prophesi’d true, I tell you, [? ye,]
Which no body can deny.

2.

In the month of _May_, I tell you truly,
Which neither was in _June_ nor _July_,
The Dutch began to be unruly,
Which no body can deny.

3.

Betwixt our _England_ and their _Holland_,
Which neither was in _France_ nor _Poland_,
But on the Sea, where there was no Land,
Which no body can deny.

4.

They joyn’d the Dutch, and the English Fleet,
[In] Our Authors opinion then they did meet,
Some saw’t that never more shall see’t,
Which no body can deny.

5.

There were many mens hearts as heavy as lead, [p. 57.]
Yet would not believe _Dick Dean_ to be dead,
Till they saw his Body take leave of his head,
Which no body can deny.

6.

Then after the sad departure of him,
There was many a man lost a Leg or a Lim,
And many were drown’d ’cause they could not swim,
Which no body can deny.

7.

One cries, lend me thy hand[,] good friend,
Although he knew it was to no end,
I think, quoth he, I am going to the Fiend,
Which no body can deny.

8.

Some, ’twas reported, were kill’d with a Gun,
And some stood that knew not whether to run,
There was old taking leave of Father and Son,
Which no body can deny.

9.

There’s a rumour also, if we may believe,
We have many gay Widdows now given to grieve,
’Cause unmannerly Husbands ne’er came to take leave,
Which no body can deny.

10.

The Ditty is sad of our _Deane_ to sing;
To say truth, it was a pittiful thing
To take off his head and not leave him a ring,
Which no body can deny.

11.

From _Greenwich_ toward the Bear at Bridge foot
He was wafted with wind that had water to’t,
But I think they brought the devil to boot,
Which no body can deny.

12.

The heads on _London_ Bridge upon Poles, [p. 58.]
That once had bodies, and honester soules
Than hath the Master of the Roules,
Which no body can deny,

13.

They grieved for this great man of command,
Yet would not his head amongst theirs should stand;
He dy’d on the Water, and they on the Land,
Which no body can deny.

14.

I cannot say, they look’d wisely upon him,
Because people cursed that parcel was on him;
He has fed fish and worms, if they do not wrong him,
Which no body can deny.

15.

The Old Swan, as he passed by,
Said, she would sing him a dirge, and lye down & die:
Wilt thou sing to a bit of a body, quoth I?
Which no body can deny.

16.

The Globe on the bank, I mean, on the Ferry,
Where Gentle and simple might come & be merry,
Admired at the change from a Ship to a Wherry,
Which no body can deny.

17.

_Tom Godfreys_ Bears began for to roare,
Hearing such moans one side of the shore,
They knew they should never see _Dean_ any more,
Which no body can deny.

18.

Queenhithe, _Pauls_-Wharf, and the Fryers also,
Where now the Players have little to do,
Let him pass without any tokens of woe,
Which no body can deny.

19. [p. 59.]

Quoth th’ Students o’th’ Temple, I know not their names,
Looking out of their Chambers into the Thames,
The Barge fits him better than did the great _James_,
Which no body can deny.

20.

_Essex_ House, late called Cuckold’s Hall,
The Folk in the Garden staring over the wall,
Said, they knew that once _Pride_ would have a fall,
Which no body can deny.

21.

At Strand Gate, a little farther then,
Were mighty Guns numbred to sixty and ten,
Which neither hurt Children, Women, nor Men,
Which no body can deny.

22.

They were shot over times one, two, three, or four,
’Tis thought one might ’heard th’ bounce to th’ Tower,
Folk report, the din made the Buttermilk sower,
Which no body can deny.

23.

Had old Goodman _Lenthal_ or _Allen_ but heard ’um,
The noise worse than _Olivers_ voice would ’fear’d ’um,
And out of their small wits would have scar’d ’um.
Which no body can deny.

24.

Sommerset House, where once did the Queen lye,
And afterwards _Ireton_ in black, and not green, by,
The Canon clattered the Windows really,
Which no body can deny.

25.

The _Savoys_ mortified spittled Crew,
If I lye, as _Falstaffe_ saies, I am a Jew,
Gave the Hearse such a look it would make a man spew,
Which no body can deny.

26.

The House of S—— that Fool and Knave, [p. 60.]
Had so much wit left lamentation to save
From accompanying a traytorly Rogue to his grave,
Which no body can deny.

27.

The Exchange, and the ruines of _Durham_ House eke,
Wish’d such sights might be seen each day i’ th’ week,
A Generals Carkass without a Cheek,
Which no body can deny.

28.

The House that lately Great _Buckinghams_ was,
Which now Sir _Thomas Fairfax_ has,
Wish’d it might be Sir _Thomas’s_ fate so to pass,
Which no body can deny.

29.

_Howards_ House, _Suffolks_ great Duke of Yore,
Sent him one single sad wish, and no more,
He might flote by _Whitehall_ in purple gore,
Which no body can deny.

30.

Something I should of _Whitehall_ say,
But the Story is so sad, and so bad, by my fay,
That it turns my wits another way,
Which no body can deny.

31.

To _Westminster_, to the Bridge of the Kings,
The water the Barge, and the Barge-men[,] brings
The small remain of the worst of things,
Which no body can deny.

32.

They interr’d him in triumph, like _Lewis_ the eleven,
In the famous Chappel of _Henry_ the seven,
But his soul is scarce gone the right way to heaven,
Which no body can deny.

[p. 64.]

_A merrie Journey to ~France~._

I went from _England_ into _France_,
Not for to learn to sing nor dance,
To ride, nor yet to fence,
But for to see strange sights, as those
That have return’d without a nose
They carried away from hence.

As I to _Paris_ rode along,
Like to _John Dory_ in the Song,
Upon a holy Tyde,
Where I an ambling Nag did get,
I hope he is not paid for yet,
I spurr’d him on each side.

First, to Saint _Dennis_ then I came,
To see the sights at _Nostredame_,
The man that shews them snaffles:
That who so list, may there believe
To see the Virgin _Maries_ Sleeve,
And eke her odd Pantafles. [? old]

The breast-milk, and the very Gown
That she did wear in _Bethlehem_ Town,
When in the Barn she lay:
But men may think that is a Fable, [p. 65.]
For such good cloaths ne’er came in Stable
Upon a lock of hay.

No Carpenter can by his trade
Have so much Coin as to have made
A gown of such rich Stuff:
But the poor fools must, for their credit,
Believe, and swear old _Joseph_ did it,
’Cause he received enough. [_al. lect._, deserv’d]

There is the Lanthorn which the Jews,
When _Judas_ led them forth, did use,
It weighs my weight down-right;
And then you must suppose and think
The Jews therein did put a Link,
And then ’t was wondrous bright. [? light]

There is one Saint has lost his nose,
Another his head, but not his toes,
An elbow, and a thumb;
When we had seen those holy rags,
We went to the Inne and took our Nags,
And so away we come.

We came to _Paris_, on the _Seine_,
’Tis wondrous fair, but little clean,
’Tis _Europes_ greatest Town:
How strong it is I need not tell it,
For every one may easily smell it
As they ride up and down.

There’s many rare sights for to see,
The Palace, the great Gallery,
Place-Royal doth excell;
The Newbridge, and the Statute stairs, [p. 66.]
At _Rotterdam_, Saint _Christophers_, [? _Nostre Dame_]
The Steeple bears the Bell.

For Arts, the University,
And for old Cloaths, the Frippery,
The Queen the same did build;
Saint _Innocent[s’]_, whose earth devours
Dead Corps in four and twenty hours,
And there the King was kill’d.

The _Bastile_, and Saint _Dennis_ street,
The _Chastelet_, like _London_ Fleet;
The Arsenal is no toy;
But if you will see the pretty thing,
Oh go to Court and see the King,
Oh he is a hopeful boy.

He is of all [his] Dukes and Peers
Reverenc’d for wit as well as years;
Nor must you think it much
That he with little switches play,
And can make fine dirt-pies of Clay,
O never King made such.

Birds round about his Chamber stands,
The which he feeds with his own hands,
’Tis his humility:
And if they want [for] any thing,
They may but whistle to their King
And he comes presently.

A bird that can but catch a Fly,
Or prate to please his Majesty, [_al. lect._, doth please]
It’s known to every one;
The Duke _De Guise_ gave him a Parrot, [p. 67.]
And he had twenty Cannons for it
For his great Gallion.

O that it e’er might be my hap
To catch the bird that in the Map
They call the Indian Chuck,
I’d give it him, and hope to be
As great and wise a man as he,
Or else I had ill luck.

Besides, he hath a pretty firk,
Taught him by Nature, for to work
In Iron with much ease:
And then unto the Forge he goes,
There he knocks, and there he blows,
And makes both locks and Keys.

Which puts a doubt in every one
Whether he be _Mars_ or _Vulcans_ Son,
For few believe his Mother:
For his Incestuous House could not
Have any Children, unless got
By Uncle, or by Brother.

Now for these virtues needs he must
Intituled be _Lewis_ the Just,
_Heneries_ Great Heir;
Where to his Stile we add more words,
Better to call him King of Birds
Than of the Great _Navar_.

His Queen, she is a little Wench,
Was born in _Spain_, speaks little French,
Ne’er like to be a Mother:
But let them all say what they will, [p. 68.]
I do beleeve, and shall do still,
As soon the one as t’other.

Then why should _Lewis_ be so just,
Contented be to take his lust [? he]
With his lascivious Mate,
Or suffer this his little Queen,
From all her Sex that e’er had been,
Thus to degenerate?

’Twere charity to have it known,
Love other Children as his own
To him it were no shame:
For why should he near greater be
Than was his Father _Henery_,
Who, some say, did the same?

[p. 85.]

_Englands Woe._

I mean to speak of _Englands_ sad fate,
To help in mean time the King, and his Mate,
That’s ruled by an Antipodian State,
Which no body can deny.

But had these seditious times been when
We had the life of wise Poet _Ben_,
Parsons had never been Parliament men,
Which no body can deny.

Had Statesmen read the Bible throughout,
And not gone by the Bible so round about,
They would have ruled themselves without doubt,
Which no body can deny.

But Puritans now bear all the sway,
They’ll have no Bishops as most men say,
But God send them better another day,
Which no body can deny.

Zealous _Pryn_ has threatned a great downfall,
To cut off long locks that is bushy and small,
But I hope he will not take ears and all,
Which no body can deny.

_Prin_, [and] _Burton_, saies women that’s leud and loose,
Shall wear no stallion locks for a bush, [_Italian_ ... abuse]
They’ll only have private boyes for their use, [_al. lect._, Keyes]
Which no body can deny.

They’ll not allow what pride it brings, [p. 86.]
Nor favours in hats, nor no such things,
They’l convert all ribbands to Bible strings,
Which no body can deny.

God bless our King and Parliament,
And send he may make such K—— repent [Knaves]
That breed our Land such discontent,
Which no body can deny.

And bless our Queen and Prince also,
And all true Subjects both high and low,
The brownings can pray for themselves you know,
Which no body can deny.

[p. 88.]

_Ladies Delight._

Hang Chastity[!] it is for the milking pail,
Ladies ought to be more valiant:
Not to be confin’d in body and mind
Is the temper of a right she Gallant;
Hither all you Amazons that are true
To this famous Dildoe profession,
She is no bonny Lass that fears to transgress
The Act against Fornication.

The Country Dame, that loves the old sport,
Or delights in a new invention,
May be fitted here, if they please to repair
To this high ranting Convention;
If you are weary of your Coyn,
Or of your Chastity,
Here is costly toyes, or hot-metled boyes,
That will ease you presently.

Both curious heads and wanton tailes
May here have satisfaction;
Here is all kind of ware, that useful are
For pride or provocation;
Here’s Drugs to paint, or Powder to perfume,
Or Ribbon of the best fashion;
Here’s dainty meat will fit you for the feat
Beyond all expectation.

Here’s curious patches to set out your faces, [p. 89.]
And make you resemble the sky;
Or here’s looking-glasses to shew the poor Asses,
Your Husbands, their destiny;
Here’s bawbles too to play withall,
And some to stand in stead;
This place doth afford both for your brow,
And stallions for your head.

Old Ladies here may be reliev’d,
If Ushers they do lack,
Or if they’ll not discharge their husbands at large,
But grow foundred in the back;
Green visag’d Damsels, that are sick
Of a troubled Maidenhead,
May here, if they please, be cur’d of the disease
And their green colours turn’d to red.

[p. 95.]

_The Tyrannical Wife._

It was a man, and a jolly old man,
Come love me whereas I lay,
And he would marry a fair young wife
The clean contrary way.

He woo’d her for to wed, to wed,
Come love me whereas I lay,
And even she kickt him out of the bed
The clean contrary way.

Then for her dinner she looked due,
Come love me whereas I lay,
Or else would make her husband rue
The clean contrary way.

She made him wash both dish and spoon,
Come love me whereas I lay,
He had better a gone on his head to _Rome_
The clean contrary way.

She proved a gallant huswife soon,
Come love me whereas I lay,
She was every morning up by noon
The clean contrary way,

She made him go to wash and wring, [p. 96.]
Come love me whereas I lay,
And every day to dance and sing
The clean contrary way.

She made him do a worse thing than this,
Come love me whereas I lay,
To father a child was none of his,
The clean contrary way.

Hard by a bush, and under a brier,
Come love me whereas I lay,
I saw a holy Nun lye under a Frier
The clean contrary way.

To end my Song I think it long,
Come love me whereas I lay,
Come give me some drink and I’ll be gone
The clean contrary way.

[p. 134.]

_The Tinker._

[Some of these verses are evidently misplaced: We keep them unchanged, but add side-notes to rectify.]

There was a Lady in this Land
That lov’d a Gentleman,
And could not have him secretly,
As she would now and then,
Till she devis’d to dress him like
A Tinker in Vocation:
And thus, disguis’d, she bid him say,
He came to clout her Cauldron.

His face full fair she smother’s black [2.]
That he might not be known,
A leather Jerkin on his back, [p. 135.]
His breeches rent and torn;
With speed he passed to the place,
To knock he did not spare:
Who’s that, quoth the lady[’s Porter] then,
That raps so rashly there.

I am a Tinker, then quoth he, [3.]
That worketh for my Fee,
If you have Vessels for to mend,
Then bring them unto me:
For I have brass within my bag,
And target in my Apron,
And with my skill I can well clout,
And mend a broken Cauldron.

Quoth she, our Cauldron hath most need, [? verse 7.]
At it we will begin,
For it will hold you half an hour
To trim it out and in:
But first give me a glass of drink,
The best that we do use,
For why[,] it is a Tinkers guise
No good drink to refuse.

Then to the Brew-house hyed they fast, [? verse 8.]
This broken piece to mend,
He said he would no company,
His Craft should not be kend,
But only to your self, he said,
That must pay me my Fee:
I am no common Tinker,
But work most curiously.

And I also have made a Vow, [? verse 9. p. 136.]
I’ll keep it if I may,
There shall no mankind see my work,
That I may stop or stay:
Then barred he the Brew-house door,
The place was very dark,
He cast his Budget from his back,
And frankly fell to work.

And whilst he play’d and made her sport, [? verse 10.]
Their craft the more to hide,
She with his hammer stroke full hard
Against the Cauldron side:
Which made them all to think, and say,
The Tinker wrought apace,
And so be sure he did indeed,
But in another place.

The Porter went into the house, [? verse 4.]
Where Servants us’d to dine,
Telling his Lady, at the Gate
There staid a Tinker fine:
Quoth he, much Brass he wears about,
And Target in his Apron,
Saying, that he hath perfect skill
To mend your broken Cauldron.

Quoth she, of him we have great need, [? verse 5.]
Go Porter, let him in,
If he be cunning in his Craft
He shall much money win:
But wisely wist she who he was,
Though nothing she did say,
For in that sort she pointed him
To come that very day.

When he before the Lady came, [? verse 6. p. 137.]
Disguised stood he there,
He blinked blithly, and did say,
God save you Mistris fair;
Thou’rt welcome, Tinker, unto me,
Thou seem’st a man of skill,
All broken Vessels for to mend,
Though they be ne’er so ill;
I am the best man of my Trade,
Quoth he, in all this Town,
For any Kettle, Pot, or Pan,
Or clouting of a Cauldron.

Quoth he, fair Lady, unto her, [verse 11.]
My business I have ended,
Go quickly now, and tell your Lord
The Cauldron I have mended:
As for the Price, that I refer
Whatsoever he do say,
Then come again with diligence,
I would I were away.

The Lady went unto her Lord, [12.]
Where he walkt up and down,
Sir, I have with the Tinker been,
The best in all the Town:
His work he doth exceeding well,
Though he be wondrous dear,
He asks no less than half a Mark
For that he hath done here.

Quoth he, that Target is full dear, [13.]
I swear by Gods good Mother:
Quoth she, my Lord, I dare protest,
’Tis worth five hundred other;
He strook it in the special place, [p. 138.]
Where greatest need was found,
Spending his brass and target both,
To make it safe and sound.

Before all Tinkers in the Land,
That travels up and down,
Ere they should earn a Groat of mine,
This man should earn a Crown:
Or were you of his Craft so good,
And none but I it kend,
Then would it save me many a Mark,
Which I am fain to spend.

The Lady to her Coffer went,
And took a hundred Mark,
And gave the Tinker for his pains,
That did so well his work;
Tinker, said she, take here thy fee,
Sith here you’ll not remain,
But I must have my Cauldron now
Once scoured o’er again.

Then to the former work they went,
No man could them deny;
The Lady said, good Tinker call
The next time thou com’st by:
For why[,] thou dost thy work so well,
And with so good invention,
If still thou hold thy hand alike,
Take here a yearly Pension.

And ev’ry quarter of the year
Our Cauldron thou shalt view;
Nay, by my faith, her Lord gan say, [p. 139.]
I’d rather buy a new;
Then did the Tinker take his leave
Both of the Lord and Lady,
And said, such work as I can do,
To you I will be ready.
From all such Tinkers of the trade
God keep my Wife, I pray,
That comes to clout her Cauldron so,
I’ll swinge him if I may.

[A song follows, beginning “There were three birds that built very low.” With other four, commencing respectively on pp. 146, 153, 161, and 168, it is degraded from position here; for substantial reasons; and (with a few others, afterwards to be specified,) given separately. Nothing but the absolute necessity of making this a genuine Antiquarian Reprint, worthy of the confidence of all mature students of our Early Literature, compels the Editor to admit such prurient and imbecile pieces at all. They are tokens of a debased taste that would be inconceivable, did we not remember that, not more than twenty years ago, crowds of MP.s, Lawyers, and Baronets listened with applause, and encored tumultuously, songs far more objectionable than these (if possible) in London Music Halls, and Supper Rooms. Those who recollect what R...s sang (such as “The Lock of Hair,” “My name it is Sam Hall, Chimbley Sweep,” &c.), and what “Judge N——” said at his Jury Court, need not be astonished at anything which was sung or written in the days of the Commonwealth and at the Restoration. A few words we suppress into dots in _Supplement_, &c.]

[p. 148.]

_The Maid a bathing._

Upon a Summers day,
’Bout middle of the morn,
I spy’d a Lass that lay
Stark nak’d as she was born;
’Twas by a running Pool,
Within a meddow green,
And there she lay to cool,
Not thinking to be seen.

Then did she by degrees
Wash every part in rank,
Her Arms, her breasts, her thighs,
Her Belly, and her Flank;
Her legs she opened wide,
My eyes I let down steal,
Untill that I espy’d
Dame natures privy Seal.

I stript me to the skin,
And boldly stept unto her,
Thinking her love to win,
I thus began to wooe her:
Sweet heart be not so coy,
Time’s sweet in pleasure spent,
She frown’d, and cry’d, away,
Yet, smiling, gave consent.

Then blushing, down she slid, [p. 149.]
Seeming to be amazed,
But heaving up her head,
Again she on me gazed;
I seeing that, lay down,
And boldly ’gan to kiss,
And she did smile, and frown,
And so fell to our bliss.

Then lay she on the ground
As though she had been sped,
As women in a swoon,
Yield up, and yet not dead:
So did this lively maid,
When hot bloud fill’d her vein,
And coming to her self she said,
I thank you for your pain.

[Part First, 1661, ends on pages 171-175, with _The new Medley of the Country man, Citizen, and Souldier_ (which in the 1670 and 1691 editions are on pp. 182-187). The 1661 edition of SECOND PART has a complete title-page of its own, in black and red, exactly agreeing with its own First Part, except that the words are prefixed “THE || Second Part || OF.” A contemporary MS. note in Ant. à Wood’s copy, says, of each part, “1s. 3d.” as the original price. There is also, in the 1661 edition (and in that only), another address, here, which runs as follows:—

“To the Reader:

“Courteous Reader,

“_We do here present thee with the Second part of ~Merry
Drollery~, not doubting but it will find good Reception with
the more Ingenious; The deficiency of this shall be supplied in
a third, when time shall serve: In the mean time_

Farewel.”

The _Third Part_, mentioned above, never appeared.

The woodcut Initial W represents Salome, the daughter of Herodias, receiving from the Roman-like _Stratiotes_ the head of John the Baptist (whose body lies at their feet), she holding her charger. The Editor hopes to engrave it for the Introduction to this present volume.

The pagination commences afresh in the 1661 Second Part; but continues in the 1670, and the 1691 editions.]

Merry Drollery, 1661:

EXTRA SONGS IN PART SECOND.

(_Omitted in 1670 and 1691 Editions._)

[Part 2nd., p. 21.]

_The Force of Opportunity._

You gods that rule upon the Plains,
Where nothing but delight remains;
You Nymphs that haunt the Fairy Bowers,
Exceeding _Flora_ with her flowers;
The fairest woman that earth can have
Sometimes forbidden fruit will crave,
For any woman, whatsoe’r she be,
Will yield to Opportunity.

Your Courtly Ladies that attends,
May sometimes dally with their friends;
And she that marries with a Knight
May let his Lodging for a night;
And she that’s only Worshipful
Perhaps another friend may gull:
For any woman, _&c._

The Chamber-maid that’s newly married
Perhaps another man hath carried;
Your City Wives will not be alone,
Although their husbands be from home;
The fairest maid in all the town
For green will change a russet Gown;
For any woman, _&c._

And she that loves a Zealous brother,
May change her Pulpit for another;
Physitians study for their skill, [p. 22.]
Whiles wives their Urinals do fill;
The Lawyers wife may take her pride
Whilst he their Causes doth decide;
For every woman, _&c._

The Country maid, that milks the Cow,
And takes great pains to work and do,
I’th’ fields may meet her friend or brother,
And save her soul to get another;
And she that to the Market[’]s gone
May horn her man ere she come home;
For any woman, _&c._

You Goddesses and Nymphs so bright,
The greater Star, the lesser light;
To Lords, as well as mean estates,
Belongeth husbands horned baites, [? pates.]
Then give your Ladies leave to prove
The things the which your selves do love;
For any woman, what ere she be,
Will yield to Opportunity.

[p. 22.]

_Lusty Tobacco._

You that in love do mean to sport,
Tobacco, Tobacco,
First take a wench of a meaner sort,
Tobacco, Tobacco,
But let her have a comely grace,
Like one that came from _Venus_ race,
Then take occasion, time, and place,
To give her some Tobacco.

You —— gamesters must be bound, [p. 23.]
Tobacco, Tobacco,
Their bullets must be plump and round,
Tobacco, Tobacco,
Your Stopper must be stiff and strong,
Your Pipe it must be large and long,
Or else she’ll say you do her wrong,
She’ll scorn your weak Tobacco.

And if that you do please her well,
Tobacco, Tobacco,
All others then she will expell,
Tobacco, Tobacco.
She will be ready at your call
To take Tobacco, Pipe, and all,
So willing she will be to fall
To take your strong Tobacco.

And when you have her favour won,
Tobacco, Tobacco,
You must hold out as you begun,
Tobacco, Tobacco,
Or else she’ll quickly change her mind,
And seek some other Friend to find,
That better may content her mind
In giving her Tobacco.

And if you do not do her right,
Tobacco, Tobacco,
She’ll take a course to burn your Pipe,
Tobacco, Tobacco,
And if you ask what she doth mean,
She’ll say she doth’t to make it clean,
Then take you heed of such a Quean
For spoyling your Tobacco,

As I my self dare boldly speak, [p. 24.]
Tobacco, Tobacco,
Which makes my very heart to break,
Tobacco, Tobacco,
For she that I take for my friend,
Hath my Tobacco quite consum’d,
She hath spoil’d my Pipe, and there’s an end
Of all my good Tobacco.

[p. 29.]

_On the Goldsmiths-Committee._

Come Drawer, some wine,
Or we’ll pull down the Sign,
For we are all jovial Compounders:
We’ll make the house ring,
With healths to the KING,
And confusion light on his Confounders.

Since Goldsmiths Committee
Affords us no pitty,
Our sorrows in wine we will steep ’um,
They force us to take
Two Oaths, but we’ll make
A third, that we ne’r mean to keep ’um.

And next, who e’r sees,
We drink on our knees,
To the King, may he thirst that repines.
A fig for those traitors
That look to our waters,
They have nothing to do with our wines.

And next here’s a Cup
To the Queen, fill it up,
Were it poyson, we would make an end o’nt:
May _Charles_ and She meet,
And tread under feet
Both Presbyter and Independent.

To the Prince, and all others,
His Sisters and Brothers,
As low in condition as high born,
We’ll drink this, and pray, [p. 30.]
That shortly they may,
See all them that wrongs them at _Tyburn_.

And next here’s three bowls
To all gallant souls,
That for the King did, and will venter,
May they flourish when those
That are his, and their foes
Are hang’d and ram’d down to the Center.

And next let a Glass
To our undoers pass,
Attended with two or three curses:
May plagues sent from hell
Stuff their bodies as well,
As the Cavaliers Coyn doth their purses.

May the _Cannibals_ of _Pym_
Eat them up limb by limb,
Or a hot Fever scorch ’um to embers,
Pox keep ’um in bed
Untill they are dead,
And repent for the loss of their Members.

And may they be found
In all to abound,
Both with heaven and the countries anger,
May they never want Fractions,
Doubts, Fears, and Distractions,
Till the Gallow-tree choaks them from danger.

[p. 31.]

_Insatiate Desire._

O That I could by any Chymick Art
To sperme, convert my spirit and my heart,
That at one thrust I might my soul translate,
And in her w... my self degenerate,
There steep’d in lust nine months I would remain,
Then boldly —— my passage back again.

[p. 32.]

_The Horn exalted._

Listen Lordings to my Story,
I will sing of Cuckolds glory,
And thereat let none be vext,
None doth know whose turn is next;
And seeing it is in most mens scorn,
’Tis Charity to advance the _Horn_.

_Diana_ was a Virgin pure,
Amongst the rest chaste and demure;
Yet you know well, I am sure,
What _Acteon_ did endure,
If men have _Horns_ for [such] as she, [p. 33.]
I pray thee tell me what are we?

Let thy friend enjoy his rest,
What though he wear _Acteons_ creast?
Malice nor Venome at him spit,
He wears but what the gods thinks fit;
Confess he is by times Recorder
Knight of great _Diana’s_ Order.

_Luna_ was no venial sinner,
Yet she hath a man within her,
And to cut off Cuckolds scorns,
She decks her head with Silver horns
And if the moon in heaven[’]s thus drest,
The men on earth like it are blest.

[_A Droll of a Louse_ (p. 33.), seven verses of seven lines each, beginning “Discoveries of late have been made by adventures,” is reserved. _Vide ante_ p. 230.]

[p. 38.]

_A Letany._

From _Essex_ Anabaptist Laws,
And from _Norfolk_ Plough-tail Laws, [? taws]
From _Abigails_ pure tender Zeal,
Whiter than a _Brownists_ veal,
From a Serjeants Temple pickle,
And the Brethrens _Conventicle_,
From roguish meetings, or Cutpurse hall,
And _New-England_, worst of all,
_Libera nos Domine_.

From the cry of _Ludgate_ debters, [p. 39.]
And the noise of Prisoners Fetters,
From groans of them that have the Pox,
And coyl of Beggars in the Stocks,
From roar o’ th’ _Bridge_, and _Bedlam_ prate,
And with Wives met at _Billingsgate_,
From scritch-owles, and dogs night-howling,
From Sailers cry at their main bowling,
_Libera nos Domine_.

From _Frank Wilsons_ trick of _mopping_,
And her ulcered h... with _popping_,
From Knights o’ th’ post, and from decoys,
From _Whores_, _Bawds_, and roaring _Boys_,
From a _Bulker_ in the dark,
And _Hannah_ with St. _Tantlins_ Clark,
From Biskets Bawds have rubb’d their gums,
And from purging-Comfit plums,
_Libera nos Domine_.

From _Sue Prats_ Son, the fair and witty,
The Lord of _Portsmouth_, sweet and pretty,
From her that creeps up _Holbourne_ hill,
And _Moll_ that cries, _God-dam-me_ still,
From backwards-ringing of the Bells,
From both the Counters and Bridewells,
From blind _Robbin_ and his _Bess_,
And from a Purse that’s penniless,
_Libera nos Domine_.

From gold-finders, and night-weddings,
From _Womens_ eyes false liquid sheddings,
From _Rocks_, _Sands_, and _Cannon-shot_,
And from a stinking Chamber-pot,
From a hundred years old sinner, [p. 40.]
And Duke _Humphreys_ hungry dinner,
From stinking breath of an old Aunt[,]
From Parritors and Pursevants[,]
_Libera nos Domine_.

From a Dutchmans snick and sneeing,
From a nasty Irish being[,]
From a _Welchmans_ lofty bragging,
And a Monsieur loves not drabbing,

From begging Scotchmen and their pride,
From striving ’gainst both wind and tide,
From too much strong Wine and Beer,
Enforcing us to domineer,
_Libera nos Domine_.

[Following the above comes a group of more than usually objectionable Songs, viz., _John_ and _Joan_, beginning “If you will give ear” (p. 46); “Full forty times over I have strived to win,” same title (p. 61); The Answer to it, “He is a fond Lover that doateth on scorn” (p. 62); Love’s Tenement, “If any one do want a house” (p. 64); and A New Year’s Gift, “Fair Lady, for your New Year’s Gift” (p. 81). These are all reserved for the Chamber of Horrors. _Vide ante_, p. 230.]

[p. 103.]

_New ~England~ described._

Among the purifidian Sect,
I mean the counterfeit Elect:
Zealous bankrupts, Punks devout,
Preachers suspended, rabble rout,
Let them sell all, and out of hand
Prepare to go to _New England_,
To build new _Babel_ strong and sure,
Now call’d a Church unspotted pure.

There Milk from Springs, like Rivers, flows,
And Honey upon hawthorn grows;
Hemp, Wool, and Flax, there grows on trees,
The mould is fat, it cuts like cheese;
All fruits and herbs spring in the fields,
Tobacco it good plenty yields;
And there shall be a Church most pure,
Where you may find salvation sure.

There’s Venison of all sorts great store,
Both Stag, and buck, wild Goat, and Boar,
And all so tame, that you with ease
May take your fill, eat what you please;
There’s Beavers plenty, yea, so many,
That you may buy two skins a penny,
Above all this, a Church most pure,
Where to be saved you may be sure.

There’s flight of Fowl do cloud the skie,
Great Turkies of threescore pound weight,
As big as Estriges, there Geese, [p. 104.]
With thanks, are sold for pence a piece;
Of Duck and Mallard, Widgeon, Teale,
Twenty for two-pence make a meale;
Yea, and a Church unspotted pure,
Within whose bosome all are sure.

Loe, there in shoals all sorts of fish,
Of the salt seas, and water fresh:
Ling, Cod, Poor-John, and Haberdine,
Are taken with the Rod and Line;
A painful fisher on the shore
May take at least twenty an houre;
Besides all this a Church most pure,
Where you may live and dye secure.

There twice a year all sorts of Grain
Doth down from heaven, like hailstones, rain;
You ne’r shall need to sow nor plough,
There’s plenty of all things enough:
Wine sweet and wholsome drops from trees,
As clear as chrystal, without lees;
Yea, and a Church unspotted, pure,
From dregs of Papistry secure.

No Feasts nor festival set daies
Are here observed, the Lord be prais’d,
Though not in Churches rich and strong,
Yet where no Mass was ever Sung,
The Bulls of _Bashan_ ne’r met there[;]
_Surplice_ and _Cope_ durst not appear;
Old Orders all they will abjure,
This Church hath all things new and pure.

No discipline shall there be used, [p. 105.]
The Law of Nature they have chused[;]
All that the spirit seems to move
Each man may choose and so approve,
There’s Government without command,
There’s unity without a band;
A Synagogue unspotted pure,
Where lust and pleasure dwells secure.

Loe in this Church all shall be free
To Enjoy their Christian liberty;
All things made common, void of strife,
Each man may take anothers wife,
And keep a hundred maids, if need,
To multiply, increase, and breed,
Then is not this Foundation sure,
To build a Church unspotted, pure?

The native People, though yet wild,
Are altogether kind and mild,
And apt already, by report,
To live in this religious sort;
Soon to conversion they’l be brought
When _Warrens Mariery_ have wrought,
Who being sanctified and pure,
May by the Spirit them alure.

Let _Amsterdam_ send forth her Brats,
Her Fugitives and Runnagates:
Let Bedlam, Newgate, and the Clink
Disgorge themselves into this sink;
Let Bridewell and the stews be kept,
And all sent thither to be swept;
So may our Church be cleans’d and pure,
Keep both it self and state secure.

[p. 106.]

_The insatiate Lover._

Come hither my own sweet duck,
And sit upon my knee,
That thou and I may truck
For thy Commodity,
If thou wilt be my honey,
Then I will be thine own,
Thou shall not want for money
If thou wilt make it known;
With hey ho my honey,
My heart shall never rue,
For I have been spending money
And amongst the jovial Crew.

I prethee leave thy scorning,
Which our true love beguiles,
Thy eyes are bright as morning,
The Sun shines in thy smiles,
Thy gesture is so prudent,
Thy language is so free,
That he is the best Student
Which can study thee;
With hey ho, _&c._

The Merchant would refuse
His Indies and his Gold
If he thy love might chuse,
And have thy love in hold:
Thy beauty yields more pleasure
Than rich men keep in store,
And he that hath such treasure [p. 107.]
Never can be poor;
With hey ho, _&c._

The Lawyer would forsake
His wit and pleading strong:
The Ruler and Judge would take
Thy part wer’t right or wrong;
Should men thy beauty see
Amongst the learned throngs,
Thy very eyes would be
Too hard for all their tongues;
With hey ho, _&c._

Thy kisses to thy friend
The Surgeons skill out-strips,
For nothing can transcend
The balsome of thy Lips,
There is such vital power
Contained in thy breath,
That at the latter hour
’Twould raise a man from death;
With hey, ho, _&c._

Astronomers would not
Lye gazing in the skies
Had they thy beauty got,
No Stars shine like thine eyes:
For he that may importune
Thy love to an embrace,
Can read no better fortune
Then what is in thy face.
With hey ho, _&c._

The Souldier would throw down [p. 108.]
His Pistols and Carbine,
And freely would be bound
To wear no arms but thine:
If thou wert but engaged
To meet him in the field,
Though never so much inraged
Thou couldest make him yield,
With hey ho, _&c._

The seamen would reject [Seaman]
To sayl upon the Sea,
And his good ship neglect
To be aboard of thee:
When thou liest on thy pillows
He surely could not fail
To make thy brest his billows,
And to hoyst up sayl;
With hey ho, _&c._

The greatest Kings alive
Would wish thou wert their own,
And every one would strive
To make thy Lap their Throne,
For thou hast all the merit
That love and liking brings;
Besides a noble spirit,
Which may conquer Kings;
With hey ho, _&c._

Were _Rosamond_ on earth
I surely would abhor her,
Though ne’r so great by birth
I should not change thee for her;
Though Kings and Queens are gallant, [p. 109.]
And bear a royal sway,
The poor man hath his Talent,
And loves as well as they,
With hey ho, _&c._

Then prethee come and kiss me,
And say thou art mine own,
I vow I would not miss thee
Not for a Princes Throne;
Let love and I perswade thee
My gentle suit to hear:
If thou wilt be my Lady,
Then I will be thy dear;
With hey ho, _&c._

I never will deceive thee,
But ever will be true,
Till death I shall not leave thee,
Or change thee for a new;
We’ll live as mild as may be,
If thou wilt but agree,
And get a pretty baby
With a face like thee,
With hey ho, _&c._

Let these perswasions move thee
Kindly to comply,
There’s no man that can love thee
With so much zeal as I;
Do thou but yield me pleasure,
And take from me this pain,
I’ll give thee all the Treasure
Horse and man can gain;
With hey ho, _&c._

I’ll fight in forty duels [p. 110.]
To obtain thy grace,
I’ll give thee precious jewels
Shall adorn thy face;
E’r thou for want of money
Be to destruction hurl’d,
For to support my honey
I’ll plunder all the world;
With hey ho, _&c._

That smile doth show consenting,
Then prethee let’s be gone,
There shall be no repenting
When the deed is done;
My bloud and my affection,
My spirits strongly move,
Then let us for this action
Fly to yonder grove,
With hey ho, _&c._

Let us lye down by those bushes
That are grown so high,
Where I will hide thy blushes;
Here’s no standers by
This seventh day of _July_,
Upon this bank we’ll lye,
Would all were, that love truly,
As close as thou and I;
With hey ho[,] my honey,
My heart shall never rue,
For I have been spending money
Amongst the jovial Crew.

[Followed, in 1661 edition by “Now that the Spring,” &c., and the three other pieces which are to be found in succession, already printed in our _Merry Drollery, Compleat_ of 1670, 1691, pp. 296-301: The last of these being the Song, “She lay all naked in her bed.” This begins on p. 115, of Part 2nd, 1661; p. 300, 1691. In the former edition it is followed by “The Answer,” beginning “She lay up to,” &c., which, like other extremely objectionable pieces, is kept apart. Next follow, in 1661 edition, The Louse, and the Concealment.]

[p. 149.]

_The Louse._

If that you will hear of a Ditty
That’s framed by a six-footed Creature,
She lives both in Town and in City,
She is very loving by nature;
She’l offer her service to any,
She’l stick close but she’l prevail,
She’s entertained by too many
Till death, she no man will fail.

_Fenner_ once in a Play did describe her,
How she had her beginning first,
How she sprung from the loyns of great _Pharaoh_,
And how by a King she was nurs’d:
How she fell on the Carkass of _Herod_,
A companion for any brave fighter,
And there’s no fault to be found with her,
But that she’s a devillish backbiter.

With Souldiers she’s often comraded
And often does them much good,
She’l save them the charge of a Surgeon
In sickness for letting them blood;
Corruption she draws like a horse-leech, [p. 150.]
Growing she’ll prove a great breeder,
At night she will creep in her cottage,
By day she’s a damnable feeder.

She’l venture as much in a battel
As any Commander may go,
But then she’l play Jack on both sides,
She cares not a fart for her Foe:
She knows that alwaies she’s shot-free,
To kill her no sword will prevaile,
But if she’s taken prisoner,
She’s prest to death by the naile.

She doth not esteem of your rich men,
But alwaies sticks close to the poor;
Nor she cares not for your clean shifters,
Nor for such as brave cloaths wear;
She loves all such as are non-suited,
Or any brave fellow that lacks;
She’s as true a friend to poor Souldiers,
As the shirt that sticks close to their backs.

She cannot abide your clean Laundress,
Nor those that do set her on work,
Her delight is all in foul linnen,
Where in narraw seams she may lurk:
From her and her breed God defend me,
For I have had their company store,
Pray take her among you[,] Gentry,
Let her trouble poor souldiers no more.

[As already mentioned, this is followed, in the 1661 Part Second, page 151, by The Concealment, beginning “I loved a maid, she loved not me,” which is the last of the songs or poems peculiar to that edition. See the end of our Supplement: so paged that it may be either omitted or included, leaving no _hiatus_. We add, after the Supplement, the title-page of the 1670 edition of _Merry Drollery, Compleat_; when reissued in 1691, the _same sheets_ held the fresh title-page prefixed, such as we gave in second Volume. Readers now possess the entire work, all three editions, comprehended in our Reprint: which is the Fourth Edition, but the first Annotated. J. W. E.]

Appendix.