Chapter X: Part 10

(If you should tumble out of the vehicle the panoramic effects that will cross your eyes for the next fortnight are truly marvellous.)

4. The gigantic insects which cross your path, the cataracts descending from the clouds, the marvellous sensational and grand effects challenging the attention of the two hemispheres, are natural creations never to be obliterated from the feeblest memory.

(When it rains, the cataracts which come through the roof, or in at the sides of the vehicle, are quite appalling.)

5. Oh! velvet roads! Oh! luxuries undreamt of! Oh! marvels of creation! What are ye to a trip in a square-wheeled coach?

In the evening you apply _arnica_ to your bruises, which gives to your body an appearance not unlike that of a leopard.

6. Tableau: what revelations of beauty!

_THE HOT LAKES._

1. By the medium of mere words it is impossible to convey an adequate idea of the grandeur--the supreme loveliness we may say--of the enchanting and ravishing beauty of the Hot Lakes of the Northern Island. (You can cook potatoes in them.)

2. When a stranger stands for the first time before the White Terrace he is struck dumb in admiration.

3. The wonderful lithic incrustation before him surpasses the wildest flight of Eastern imagination.

The delicate tracery and champfered fretwork of the stony drapery hold him spell-bound with enchantment.

He sees before him foaming cascades that have been mesmerized into marble. The tiers of snow-white basins, like steps of alabaster or Parian stone, are creations of nature never to be obliterated from the feeblest mind. (A friend suggests that they may be partially obliterated by a whisky cocktail.)

4. Each basin with its limpid contents, more delicate and iridescent than the shades of opal, appeals to the senses as a petrologic poem. As a background you have the battlements of a craggy mountain, looming up with awe-inspiring majesty, also reminding one of natural creations which can never be obliterated from the feeblest mind. What revelations of beauty! N.B. If so disposed, the visitors may take a bath in the cerulean depths of Te Terata. (Before doing so, we privately advise him to make his will, for he will be boiled ‘as sure as eggs is eggs.’)

5. Oh! pinky white terraces where you lay in marble bows, ‘which are described as sensuous heavens.’ Oh! polished walls of alabaster and powdered silica, like the finest silver sand. In a glade, Nature has supplied a dressing-room sheltered from the luminosity of the heavenly orb.

(I undressed in a small clearing amongst almost leafless shrubs. It was wet and dirty underfoot, and open to the wind in all directions. It was even open to the gaze of our guide Sophia. The alabaster wall of the bath took so much skin off one of my knees, that for the next fortnight I had to pay my devotions standing.)

(When we had finished, Sophia had a bath.)

_THE COLD LAKES._

1. By the medium of mere words it is impossible to convey an adequate idea of the grandeur--the surpassing loveliness we may say--of the enchanting and ravishing beauty of the Cold Lakes of the Southern Island. (Don’t bathe unless you can swim.)

2. When a stranger stands for the first time in the land of the mountain and flood--the home of the ice-king--all of which are within easy reach of the Cold Lakes, he is struck dumb with admiration.

3. The barren desolate grandeur of the haggard jagged pinnacles, which fringe the shore of the Cold Lakes, surpass the wildest flights of the Eastern imagination.

The everlasting snows, the culminating peaks, the primeval forests, hold him spell-bound with enchantment.

4. Lakes of enormous depth, and pinnacles of enormous height, are creations of Nature, the memory of which will never be obliterated from the feeblest mind.

5. Oh! crashing thunder, which reverberates from crag to crag. Oh! avalanches that hurtle in the air! Oh! light of laughing flowers; what are you to the Cold Lakes of New Zealand? (A small avalanche costs 2s. 6d. A large one 5s. The visitor ought to secure an example of this remarkable _lusus naturæ_. They make an effective addition to an ordinary rockery.) A township that has been squashed flat by an avalanche has a peculiar appearance.

Tableau: What revelations of beauty!

_SUNRISES AND SUNSETS._

1. By the medium of mere words, it is impossible to convey an adequate idea of the grandeur--the surprising loveliness we may say--of the enchanting and ravishing beauty of the sunsets in New Zealand.

(Good lodgings at the neighbouring hotel for 20s. a night. Try dry curaçoa.)

2. When a stranger stands for the first time before a New Zealand sunset, and views Nature in her wildest moods for colouring, he is struck dumb with admiration.

(The application of a pin will often relieve the trouble.)

3. The waning light, the deepening shadows, the varieties of crimson, opal, and sapphire, surpass the wildest flights of Eastern imagination.

(The rising moon, held up by Nature’s fingers, in the departing glories of a setting sun, holds him spell-bound with enchantment.)

4. Glittering like serpents with golden scales, the scarlet canopy above, the waving flames of clouds, mottled like drifting fleecy wings of angels, are natural creations never to be obliterated from the feeblest memory.

5. Oh! molten rubies. Oh! golden veils and red flamingoes; what are ye to the sunsets of New Zealand?

(I have not referred to sunrises, being always asleep at that time of night.)

6. Tableau: What revelations of beauty!

_THE GENERAL ASPECT OF NATURE IN NEW ZEALAND._

1. By the medium of mere words, it is impossible to convey an adequate idea of the grandeur--the supreme loveliness we may say--of the enchanting and ravishing beauty of the general aspect of nature in New Zealand.

2. When a stranger stands for the first time before the general aspect of nature in New Zealand to interview its fairy nooks, filled with umbrageous ferns, he is petrified with admiration.

(Don’t stand too long, or you may get your feet damp.)

3. The green glory of the mountain’s bosky brow, the streamlets gleaming like diamonds, surpass the wildest flights of the Eastern imagination.

(If it rains put up your umbrella.)

The silver sheen of waterfalls, the merry laugh of bubbling brooks, hold the traveller spell-bound with enchantment.

(If you linger too long, the guide may become impatient; an extra shilling will cure the complaint.)

4. The palaces of nature--lakes clasping islets in their arms and wasting themselves away in kissing pebbly shores--are natural creations never to be obliterated from the feeblest mind.

5. Oh! drops of sparkling diamonds. Oh! awe-inspiring magnitudes of Alpine greatness. Oh! unsullied crowns of snow, stupendous cliffs, and gossamer-like films of poetic mist; what are ye to the general aspect of nature in New Zealand?

(The round trip will cost you about £50. The best place at which to buy your bowie-knife and general outfit will be found by reference to the newspaper. I’m not interested in the transaction, but suppose my books were examined?)

Tableau: Oh! what revelations!

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