Chapter VIII: Act I: Scene I

(A Street in front of Herman von Bremen's house. Antonius is standing before the door.)

ANTONIUS. I swear my heart's in my mouth, for I've got to talk to Master Herman and ask him for his daughter, to whom I've been engaged for ever so long, but secretly. This is the third start I have made, but each time I have turned back again. If it were not for the disgrace of it, and the reproaches I should have to take from my mother, it would be the same story over again. This bashfulness of mine is an inborn weakness, and it's not easy to get the better of it. Each time I go to knock on the door, it is as if some one were holding back my hand. But courage, Antonius, is half the battle! There is no help for it, you must go on. I should spruce myself up a bit first, for they say Master Herman is getting finicky of late. (He takes off his neck-band and ties it on again, takes a comb from his pocket and combs his hair, and dusts his shoes.) Now, I think I will do. This is the moment to knock. See! as sure as I'm an honest man, it's just as if someone were holding back my hand. Come, courage, Antonius! I know that you haven't done anything wrong. The worst that can happen to you is a "no." (He knocks.)

SCENE 2

Enter Henrich, eating a sandwich.

HENRICH. Your servant, Master Antonius. Whom do you want to see?

ANTONIUS. I wanted to talk with Master Herman, if he was alone.

HENRICH. Oh, yes, certainly he is alone. He is at his reading.

ANTONIUS. Then he is more God-fearing than I am.

HENRICH. If an ordinance were issued decreeing that the Herculus should count as a book of sermons, I believe he could qualify as a preacher.

ANTONIUS. Then has he time to spare from his work for reading such books as that?

HENRICH. You must realize that the master has two professions: he is both tinker and politician.

ANTONIUS. The two don't seem to go together very well.

HENRICH. The same idea has occurred to us. For when he does a piece of work, which is rarely, there is such a political look to the job that we have to do it all over again. But if you want to talk to him, go right into the sitting-room.

ANTONIUS. I have an important errand, Henrich, for between you and me, I want to ask him for his daughter, whom I've been engaged to for a long time.

HENRICH. My word, that is an important errand, indeed. But listen, Master Antonius, you must not take it amiss if I warn you of just one thing: if you want your suit to prosper, you must tune up your language and make a graceful speech, for he has become devilish particular recently.

ANTONIUS. No, I can't do that, Henrich! I'm a good workman, and I've never learned to pass compliments. I can only speak out straight and plain that I love his daughter and want her for my wife.

HENRICH. Nothing more? Then I'll risk my neck that you don't get her. At the very least you must start with "Whereas" or "Inasmuch." You must realize, Master Antonius, that you have to do with a learned man, who spends his days and nights in reading political works, till he's on the verge of madness. The one thing that he's found fault with lately about the people in the house is that we have such vulgar ways with us all, and myself especially--he never mentions me without calling me "You low, dirty rascal." A week or so ago he swore by the devil that Mother Geske should wear an Adrienne; still, he didn't make any headway, because mistress is an old-fashioned God-fearing woman, who had rather lay down her life than part with her lapelled bodice. He is always about to bring forth something or other, the devil knows what. So if you wish to succeed in your wooing, you had better take my advice.

ANTONIUS. Well, on my word, I don't believe in beating about the bush. I go straight to the point. [Exit into house.

SCENE 3

HENRICH. The greatest difficulty about proposing is to hit on something to start off with. I went courting once myself, but for two weeks I couldn't make up my mind what to say. I knew, of course, that you ought to begin with "Whereas" or "Inasmuch," but the trouble was that I couldn't pick out the next word to hitch on to that "Whereas." So I didn't bother about it any longer, but went and bought a formula for eightpence from Jacob tke schoolmaster--he sells them for that. But it all went wrong with me, for when I got into the middle of my speech I couldn't remember the rest of it, and I was ashamed to pull the paper out of my pocket. I swear I could recite the thing both before and afterwards like my paternoster; yet when I came to use it I stuck fast. It went like this:

"With humble wishes for your good health, I, Henrich Andersen, have come here deliberately of my own free will and on my own initiative to inform you that I am no more of a stock and a stone than others, and inasmuch as every creature on earth, even the dumb brute, is subject to love, I, unworthy as I am, have come in the name of God and Honor to beg and urge you to be the darling of my heart--" (To the audience) If any one will pay me back my eightpence, I will turn the thing over to him, for I believe that any one who made such a speech could get any good man's daughter that he had a mind to. Will you give me sixpence, then? Honestly, I paid eightpence for it myself. I'm damned if I sell it for less. But here comes the old man. I must be off. [Exit.

SCENE 4

Enter Herman and Antonius.

HERMAN. Many thanks, Monsieur Antonius, for your kind offer. You are a fine worthy fellow. I feel sure that you could take good care of my daughter. But I should very much like to have a son-in-law who had studied his politics.

ANTONIUS. But, my dear Monsieur Herman von Bremen, no one can support a wife and family on that!

HERMAN. You think not? Do you suppose I intend to die a tinker? Yon shall see, before half a year is over. I hope, when I have read through The European Herald, that I shall be urged to take a place in the council. I have already got The Political Dessert at my fingers' ends, but that is not enough. Confound the author! He might have spun it out a little. You know the book, of course?

ANTONIUS. No, not I.

HERMAN. Then I will lend you my copy. It is as good as it is brief. I have learned all my statecraft from that book, together with the Herculus and the Herculiscus.

ANTONIUS. That last one--isn't that just a romance?

HERMAN. Indeed it is, and I wish the world were full of such romances. I was at a certain place yesterday, and a man of the foremost rank whispered in my ear: "Any one who has read that book with understanding may fill the most important posts, ay, rule a whole nation."

ANTONIUS. Very good, master, but when I take to reading, I neglect my trade.

HERMAN. I tell you, monsieur, that I do not expect to confine myself to tinkering forever. I should have abandoned it long since, for hundreds of fine men here in town have said to me, "Herman von Bremen, you ought to be something else." It was only the other day that one of the burgomasters let fall these words in the council: "Herman von Bremen could surely be something more than a tinker. That man has stuff in him that many of us in the council itself might be glad to own." From which you may conclude that I shall not die a tinker. And therefore I wish to have a son-in-law who will apply himself to affairs of state, for I hope that in time both he and I shall become members of the council. And now, if you will start in with The Political Dessert, I shall examine you every Saturday evening and see what progress you make.

ANTONIUS. No, indeed, I will not. I am too old to go to school all over again.

HERMAN. Then you are not the sort to be my son-in-law. Adieu! [Exit.

SCENE 5

Enter Geske.

GESKE. It is awful about my husband; he is never at home attending to business. I would give a good deal to find out where he keeps himself. But look, here is Monsieur Antonius! Are you all alone? Won't you come in?

ANTONIUS. No, thank you, mother, I am not worthy of that.

GESKE. What nonsense is this?

ANTONIUS. Your husband has his head full of political whims, and has a burgomastership on his brain. He turns up his nose at working-people like me and my kind. He imagines that he is cleverer than the notary public himself.

GESKE. The fool! The idiot! Will you heed him? I believe he's more likely to become a vagrant and have to beg his bread, than to become a burgomaster. Dear Antonius! you mustn't pay attention to him, and you mustn't lose the affection you have for my daughter.

ANTONIUS. Von Bremen swears she shall take no one who is not a politician.

GESKE. I'll wring her neck before I see her married to a politician. In the old days they used to call a rogue a politician.

ANTONIUS. Nor do I wish to become one. I want to earn my living honestly as a wheelwright. That trade gave my honored father his daily bread, and I hope it will feed me, too. But here comes a boy who seems to be looking for you.

Enter boy.

GESKE. What do you want, my boy?

BOY. I want to talk to Master Herman.

GESKE. He's not at home. Won't you tell me?

BOY. I was to find out for my mistress, if the dish was done that she ordered three weeks ago. We have sent after it twenty times, but they always put us off with talk.

GESKE. Ask your mistress, my son, please not to be angry. It will surely be done to-morrow. [Exit Boy.

[Enter another Boy.]

SECOND BOY. I am to find out once and for all if the soup-plates will ever be finished. They could have been made and worn out since we ordered them. Mistress swore you shouldn't do any work for us again in a hurry.

GESKE. Listen, my dear child, when you order anything again, order it from me. At times my husband has bats in his belfry, and it does no good to talk to him. Believe me, on my word, it will be done by Saturday. Good-bye. (Exit Boy.) You see, my dear Antonius, how it goes in our house. We lose one job after another from my husband's neglect.

ANTONIUS. Is he never at home?

GESKE. Seldom; and when he is, he builds castles in the air so that he has no thought for work. I ask nothing of him except that he keep an eye on the workmen, for if he does anything himself, the apprentices have to do it over again. Here is Henrich: he will tell you what I say is true.

SCENE 6

(Enter Henrich.)

HENRICH. There's a man out here, mistress, who wants to be paid for the eight barrels of coal we got yesterday.

GESKE. Where can I get the money from? He will have to wait till my husband comes home. Can't you tell me where my husband is all day long?

HENRICH. If you will keep quiet about it, I can tell you right enough.

GESKE. I swear, Henrich, that I won't give you away.

HENRICH. There's a college that meets every day--Collegium Politicum, they call it--where a dozen or more people come together and chatter about affairs of state.

GESKE. Where does the meeting take place?

HENRICH. You mustn't call it a meeting, it is a Collegium.

GESKE. Where does the Collegium meet, then?

HENRICH. It meets in turn, now at one member's house, now at another's. To-day--don't tell on me--it will meet here.

GESKE. Ha, ha! Now I understand why he wants to have me out to-day calling on Arianke, the smith's wife.

HENRICH. You might go out, but come back in an hour and surprise them. Yesterday this Collegium of theirs met at Jens the tavern-keeper's. I saw them all there sitting at a table, and the master at the head of it.

GESKE. Did you know any of them?

HENRICH. I should say I did--all of them. Let me see: master and the tavern-keeper makes two, and Franz the cutler, three; Christopher the painter, four; Gilbert the paper-hanger, five; Christian the dyer, six; Gert the furrier, seven; Henning the brewer, eight; Sivert the baggage inspector, nine; Niels the clerk, ten; David the schoolmaster, eleven; and Richard the brushmaker, twelve.

ANTONIUS. They are fine fellows to discuss affairs of state! Didn't you hear what they talked about?

HENRICH. I heard well enough, but I understood very little. I heard them depose emperors and kings and electors, and set up others in their places. Then they talked about excise and consumption, about the stupid people who were in the council, and about the development of Hamburg and the promotion of trade; they looked things up in books and traced things out on maps. Richard the brushmaker sat with a toothpick in his hand; so I think he must be the secretary of their council.

ANTONIUS. Ha, ha, ha! The first time I see him I shall certainly say, "Good-day, Mr. Secretary!"

HENRICH. Yes, but don't you give me away. To the devil with fellows who put down kings and princes and even burgomaster and council!

GESKE. Does my husband join in the talk, too?

HENRICH. Not much. He just sits and ponders and takes snuff while the others talk, and when they have talked it all out, he gives his decision.

GESKE. Didn't he see you there?

HENRICH. He didn't see me because I was in another room, but if he had, his dignity wouldn't have allowed him to recognize me, for he had the air of a colonel, or of the first burgomaster when he gives audience to a minister. As soon as people get into colleges they gather a sort of mist before their eyes, and they can't see even their best friends.

GESKE. Oh, unfortunate creature that I am! That husband of mine will surely get us into trouble if the burgomaster and the council find he is setting up to reform the government. The good gentlemen don't want any reform here in Hamburg. You just see if we don't have a guard in front of the house before we know it, and my poor Herman von Bremen will be dragged off to jail.

HENRICH. That may happen, like enough; for the council has never had more power than now, ever since the troops were camped in Hamburg. All the citizens together aren't powerful enough to take his part.

ANTONIUS. Nonsense! Such fellows are only to be laughed at. What can a tinker, a painter, or a maker of brushes know about statecraft? The council is more likely to be amused than to be anxious about it.

GESKE. I will see if I can't surprise them. Let us go in till they come. [Exeunt.