Chapter II: Part 2

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He left a considerable Estate, and bequeathed many useful Legacies, all free of Duty, to deserving Relations and Friends. One of the provisions in his Will was to the effect that a sum of £5,300 should be placed on Deposit at the Bank to be paid over by instalments at regular intervals to his two Executors, John Bunting and Nathaniel Whittel, and was to be regarded by them as a Salary for their services.

Each was to receive a Starting Salary at the rate of £500 per annum, but whereas John Bunting's Salary was to be increased by £100 per annum, Nathaniel Whittel's Salary was to be increased by £25 half-yearly.

As soon as the £5,300 was exhausted the Salaries were to cease, and in the meanwhile the Interest on the Deposit was to be paid over to the General Estate.

The Salaries were to be drawn half-yearly, the first to be payable exactly six months from the date of Colonel Filbert's death.

* * * * *

Write up a Cash Account, showing how the Legacy of £5,300 was divided between the Executors.

PROBLEM No. 28.

Every Sportsman will admit that it is immoral to bet upon a certainty, and most business men will endorse the maxim that only fools speculate without inside information.

Now Mr. Hunter never gambled, but he was open, like most other men, to a sound speculation, and when he learned in his capacity of Clerk to a well-known Solicitor that Miss Rose Tulip had inherited a fortune of £60,000 odd, he naturally felt interested.

Many obstacles separated Mr. Hunter from the object of his choice, but he persevered, and on one particularly sunny afternoon he let loose a chance arrow with such well-directed aim that Miss Tulip's heart was forthwith pierced.

The Engagement caused some little flutter in the Dove Cot, and Lady Tulip, Miss Rose's widowed Mother, at once changed her Solicitors in spite of a promise on their part to decorate Mr. Hunter with the "Order of the Boot," a promise which was promptly converted into an accomplished fact.

Every effort was made to induce Miss Rose to reconsider her decision, but this only seemed to lead to further complications, for on the 14th July Mr. George Tulip announced his engagement to Mr. Hunter's only sister, Rebecca.

This was the last straw and the lamentations of the proud Tulip Family were only exceeded by the rejoicings of the Family Hunter.

The prospective Bridegrooms met and made all the necessary arrangements, and Mr. Hunter, who had had a legal training, drew up four simple Wills whereby each left to the Widow, or Widower, all the worldly goods of which he, or she, was possessed.

These documents were signed and witnessed, and four days later the double wedding was solemnized quietly at the Church of Saint Augustine.

After the ceremony Mr. and Mrs. Hunter and Mr. and Mrs. Tulip journeyed to Liverpool Street Station and caught the 2 o'clock train to Clacton, where the honeymoon was to be spent.

They arrived comfortably in time for tea, and Mr. Hunter insisted on treating the whole party to Winkles.

Now, whether it was the Winkles or whether it was the pins, is a matter upon which the two London Specialists who were called in failed to agree, but the fact remains that within a very short time of devouring the aforementioned delicacies, the whole party became alarmingly ill, and two days later Mr. Tulip and Mrs. Hunter died.

Mr. Tulip's Estate, which consisted entirely of Personalty, was valued for Probate at £8,420, and Mrs. Hunter's Estate, which consisted entirely of Realty, was valued at £72,422.

* * * * *

What Legacy and Succession Duty was payable on behalf of Mrs. Tulip, and by Mr. Hunter?

PROBLEM No. 29.

The Rev. Stephen Collins delivered a very moving address on Total Abstinence at the Mothers' Meeting on the 14th June, 1913, and three weeks later Mr. Gunter died.

Now some of the parishioners were inclined to connect the two events, particularly as Mrs. Gunter happened to form one of the band of Mothers on that memorable occasion, and was known to have given her husband Toast and Water for Supper on the following evening.

Be that as it may, it is an undoubted fact that Mr. Gunter, in a codicil to his Will, nominated the Rev. Stephen Collins in place of Mrs. Gunter as Life Tenant of the Income arising from the property of which he (Mr. Gunter) died possessed.

After the payment of all Duties, Debts and Expenses, this property consisted of Assets producing Income as follows:--

(1) £300 per annum, free of tax, payable quarterly on the usual
quarter days.

(2) £160 per annum, free of tax, payable half-yearly, on the 30th
June and 31st December.

(3) £140 per annum, free of tax, payable yearly, on the 29th
September.

The Income was received regularly on the due dates and the Reverend Gentleman had given a formal receipt for everything due up to and including the 31st December, 1913.

On the 30th April, 1914, Stock No. 1 was sold cum. div. at a profit of £500, and the proceeds were re-invested in a security, the income from which was £320 per annum, free of tax, payable half-yearly on the 30th June and 31st December.

On the 20th June, 1914, Stock No. 2 was sold ex. div. at a loss of £100, and the proceeds were re-invested in a Stock ex. div. bringing in £140 per annum, free of tax, payable quarterly on the usual quarter days.

The Rev. Stephen Collins recognises that the Trustees are honourable men and that their intentions are worthy, but nevertheless he is anxious and wishes to be in a position to reassure Mrs. Collins as to the income which he will receive for the year ending 31st December, 1914.

It is interesting to note that Mr. Collins has now published the Address delivered at the Mothers' Meeting on the 14th June, 1913, trusting that the seed sown broadcast may find its way into fruitful soil.

PROBLEM No. 30.

A prosperous Solicitor usually occupies very dirty offices, and his furniture is mostly Mid-Victorian and rickety.

Mr. John Storalore was no exception to this rule and never seemed to object to such surroundings, but on the contrary always appeared to be surrounded by such objects.

He was sitting in his office one June afternoon and was dozing over some particularly dusty documents when his clerk announced Sir Pufferby Pawstone. Now Sir Pufferby was an important client who always had his hair cut and called on his Solicitor when he found himself with nothing better to do. It is not surprising, therefore, that Mr. Storalore should receive him with open arms and assume a very profound expression.

After the usual courtesies had been exchanged, and Lady Pawstone's health touched upon, Sir Pufferby announced that he desired to make a Will.

Mr. Storalore was all attention and took elaborate notes of Sir Pufferby's testamentary wishes, which were extensive and complicated. This done, Sir Pufferby begged Mr. Storalore to give him a brief and concise account of the steps which it is necessary for Executors and Trustees to take in the administration of the affairs of a deceased person from the moment of death up to the final distribution of the Residue.

* * * * *

Do not worry about what Mr. Storalore actually said to Sir Pufferby, for Sir Pufferby was an old woman, and Mr. Storalore knew his client, but say what he would have said to you in answer to such a question.

PROBLEM No. 31.

Mr. George Huggins died on the 31st October, 1913, and with the exception of a few legacies, bequeathed free of duty, he left the whole of his property to his Widow for life with remainder over to his friend Mr. Giblets, provided that gentleman outlived Mrs. Huggins.

Now this arrangement placed Mr. Giblets in an embarrassing predicament, especially as Mrs. Huggins' health improved so wonderfully after her husband's death.

It appeared to Mr. Giblets, therefore, that matrimony was the only safe solution of the difficulty, and so he went on his knees before the Widow. But the lady grasped the situation immediately, and declined the honour.

Friendship being thus early at an end Mr. Giblets resolved to worry the Widow, bearing in mind the saying that "Worry kills." So he set himself to quibble about every detail in the administration of the late Mr. Huggins' Estate, particularly as regards the apportionment of Revenue between Capital and Income. But the Widow would not worry, and wisely suggested to the Solicitors that all matters involving accounts should be left to some first-class Firm of Professional Accountants to settle.

This was done, and the following are the Cash Receipts and Payments made by the Trustees up to the 30th June, 1914.

* * * * *

What amount was paid to Mrs. Huggins on the 30th June, 1914?

_Receipts._

1913. £ s. d.

Oct. 3 Cash at Bank and in house 532 17 4
Nov. 5 Yorkshire Coal Co., dividends half-year ending
30th September, 1913, free of tax

1914.
Jan. 5 Dividends on India Stock, less tax 47 1 8
" " 14 Sale of Investments 1,764 8 9
Feb. 8 Caledonian Railway Dividends, half-year ending 32 19 2
31st December, 1913
March 3 Sale of Furniture 243 6 8
" " 25 Quarter's Rent of Property to date, less tax at 16 1 10
1s. 2d.
" " 31 North British Investment Trust Dividends, 6 70 0 0
months to date, free of Tax
" 31 West Ham Gas Co., half-year's Debenture 47 1 8
Interest, less tax
Apr. 5 Dividends on India Stock, less tax 47 1 8
June 15 Sale of Jewellery 32 5 0
" " 25 Quarter's Rent of Property 20 0 0

_Payments._

1913.

Nov. 7 Medical Attendance and Nursing fees 31 10 0
" " 25 Mrs. Huggins, on account 50 0 0
Dec. 31 Estate Duty 532 6 8
" " 31 Interest thereon 2 13 3

1914.

Jan. 16 Valuation fees 15 15 0
Feb. 1 Widow, further on account 50 0 0
" " 16 Funeral Expenses 31 10 0
March 25 Half-year's Ground Rent, due this day, less tax 4 18 11
" " 31 Debts due at death 73 6 8
Apr. 1 Widow, further on account 50 0 0
" " 30 Legacies 250 0 0
May 3 Duty thereon 20 0 0
" " 31 Executorship Expenses 5 6 8
June 1 Solicitor's Costs re Probate 32 6 8
" " 15 Mason's Expenses, restoring, &c, Tombstone 15 15 0
" " 30 Paid Widow Balance due to her.

PROBLEM No. 32.

Mr. Nathaniel Soworthy, a great breeder of prize pigs, had the misfortune to be knocked down one day by his favourite Berkshire Boar, and his head was cut open on the corner of the pig-sty. Notwithstanding the fact that Mr. Soworthy prided himself exceedingly on the extreme cleanliness of his pig-sties, where, as he was often heard to say, he would be quite ready to eat his own dinner, he discovered on that lamentable occasion what must have been the sole surviving microbe on the premises which, entering his circulation, set up blood poisoning with the result that he passed away a few days later, viz., at 6 p.m. on the evening of the 31st January, 1914.

Mr. Soworthy was a man of many hobbies, and in addition to his prize pigs he possessed a unique collection of silver salt-cellars reputed to be one of the finest in the country. This was valued for Probate at £5,000, while the pigs were estimated to be worth £2,500.

In addition he died possessed of the following property:--

£5,000 India 3% quoted at 75-3/8-7/8.

10,000 Ordinary Shares of £1 each in the Improved Pork Pie Factory,
Ltd., valued at 25/- per share.

£4,000 Mortgage at 4-1/2% on the farm known as "Little Watchem,"
interest payable 30th September and 31st March, paid to 30th
September, 1913.

Cash in the house, £15.

Cash at the Bank £355 on Current Account and £2,000 on deposit at
3%, interest payable 30th June and 31st December.

£5,000 Policy in the Live Stock Breeders' Mutual Assurance Society,
upon which the Bonus at the date of death amounted to £190.

Household Goods, Horses, and Motor Car, £3,500.

Implements of Husbandry, £150.

The Freehold Estate, comprising Mansion House, Park, and Home
Farm known as "The Piggeries," valued at £15,000, subject to a
Mortgage of £10,000 at 4-1/2%, interest payable 30th November
and 31st May, paid to 30th November, 1913.

He was also life tenant of Real Property producing £3,000 per
annum, in respect of which there was income accrued due but not
received prior to death amounting to £900.

By his Will he left the following bequests:

£1,000 in trust to the President for the time being of the Royal
Society for the Propagation and Improvement of Pigs, to be
invested and the interest awarded annually in prizes for the
best sucking pigs.

£100 to the Perennial Society of Whole Hoggers, of the local branch
of which he was the esteemed and Honorary President; and

His famous White Sow, known as the "Soworthy Sow," to his lifelong
friend the celebrated judge of pigs, Mr. Anthony Golightly
Wackenbath.

The prize pigs were directed to be sold and realised £2,690. The collection of silver salt-cellars was bequeathed to the Victoria and Albert Museum on condition that it should be shown as a whole and named the Soworthy Collection. This bequest was accepted.

The debts due at death amounted to £215, and the funeral expenses to £45.

Within a week of the funeral the famous Soworthy Sow died in giving birth to a fine litter of ten little pigs, two of which unfortunately pre-deceased their Mother. The result of this event had been awaited before sending the Sow to Mr. Wackenbath, who was thus deprived of this mark of the deceased gentleman's affection. The value of the Sow alive had been £50, but dead she was not worth more than £3 10s. 0d., while the litter, whose father was the same Berkshire Boar that had been the unwitting cause of Mr. Soworthy's death, were worth £2 a-piece.

* * * * *

Prepare the Estate Duty Account, the affidavit being brought in on the 31st March, 1914. Show the amount of duty and interest payable.

PROBLEM No. 33.

Referring to the preceding Problem, all bequests were left free of duty and the residue of the estate was left in equal shares to Mr. Soworthy's grand-daughter, his brother, and his adopted son.

The India Stock was sold on the 25th March, 1914, at 77; the Shares in the Improved Pork Pie Factory, Ltd., realised 24/- per share net on the 25th May, 1914, after receipt on the 1st May of a Final Dividend of 1/- per Share paid in respect of the year ending 31st March, 1914, an interim dividend of 6d. per share having been received by Mr. Soworthy prior to his decease.

The Mortgage on "Little Watchem" Farm was called in and paid off on the 30th June, 1914, while "The Piggeries" was directed to be sold and realised £14,500 after payment of all expenses, completion being made on 31st May.

The household goods and implements of husbandry were sold at the same time and produced £3,000 and £120 respectively.

The Policy money with bonus was received on February 25th and the proceeds of the sale of pigs on March 5th, while the income from the Real Estate was received on February 10th.

Estate and Legacy Duties were paid on March 31st, and the debts, funeral expenses and legacies were also paid on the same date. Executorship expenses amounting to £250 were paid on June 14th.

On the last day of each month such portion of the cash balance as was available in round thousands was placed on deposit at 3%.

* * * * *

Prepare Residuary Account as at June 30th, 1914, and state the duties payable on the Residue.

PROBLEM No. 34.

Referring to the two preceding Problems, prepare an Account to be rendered by the Executors to the Residuary Beneficiaries, showing the realisation and distribution of the Estate, the final payment to the Residuary Beneficiaries taking place on July 1st, 1914.

PROBLEM No. 35.

To anyone not in the secret, the conduct of Mr. Pipkin would appear inexplicable, for on March 3rd, 1914, he very deliberately entered a Tobacconist's shop, ordered a threepenny cigar, and afterwards resigned his position as Assistant Book-keeper in Messrs. Macfarlane's Grocery Establishment.

The secret, however, lay in the fact that Mrs. Pipkin had come into money, and Mr. Pipkin very naturally felt himself independent of other people and yearned for the ease and comfort appertaining to the position of a retired gentleman of means.

Mrs. Pipkin's fortune consisted of a life interest in the Property left by Mr. Austen Friars, who died on the 28th February, 1914.

This property was represented by the following assets:--

£2,000 3-1/2% Hongkong Stock, interest payable half-yearly, on the
1st April and 1st October.

200 Shares of £5 each (£2 10s. 0d. called up and paid) in the
Commercial Banking Co., Ltd.

Freehold House bringing in £80 a year, payable quarterly, on the
usual Quarter Days. This house was assessed at £67, and the Income
Tax was paid by the Tenant on the 5th January, 1914.

750 £1 Shares, fully paid, in the Perpetual Rays Co., Ltd.

April, 1914, was the very happiest month in Mr. Pipkin's whole life, and he spent most of his time smoking his pipe in his back garden, or improving his mind by contemplating the educative pictures of the local Cinema.

The months of May and June, however, did not prove quite so pleasant, and by the middle of July Mr. Pipkin actually threatened Mrs. Pipkin that unless she kept the baby quiet he would look out for another job.

And then August came round which proved to be the most miserable month of Mr. Pipkin's whole life, for Mrs. Pipkin was suddenly taken ill after consuming a liberal portion of Tinned Salmon. Never before did he realise how much he loved his Wife or what a blow to his heart her death would be. He never left her bedside and he spared no expense, but, in spite of all, Mrs. Pipkin passed away on the 19th August, 1914.

It would be idle to attempt to depict Mr. Pipkin's feelings; it is enough to say that he became a poorer but a wiser man.

On the 3rd April, 1914, a dividend for the year ending 31st January, 1914, at the rate of 7-1/2% was declared on the 200 shares in the Commercial Banking Co., Ltd., and a similar dividend was declared on the 4th April, 1915, in respect of the year ending 31st January, 1915.

On the 19th August, 1914, a final dividend at the rate of 15% per annum, free of tax, was declared on the 750 Shares in the Perpetual Rays Co., Ltd., for the half year ending 30th June, 1914. An interim dividend had been received on the 31st January, 1914, in respect of the half year ending 31st December, 1913, at the rate of 10% per annum, free of tax.

No interim dividend was paid during the Company's year ending 30th June, 1915; but on the 31st July, 1915, a dividend at the rate of 10%, free of tax, was declared in respect of the year ending 30th June, 1915.

* * * * *

Show the exact amount payable to Mrs. Pipkin and her Estate in respect of her life interest under the Will of Mr. Austen Friars.

PROBLEM No. 36.

On Lady Day the death occurred
Of Hubert Henry Huckett,
Who fell beneath a brewers' dray
And promptly kicked the bucket.

He left a very charming Wife,
And one enchanting Daughter,
Two Sons, who, if the truth was told,
Drank much more than they ought'er.

His Will was proved and it was found
He'd left as weird collection
Of Stocks and Shares as e'er was known
Within man's recollection.

He'd (£) 60 Bags and 40 Coils
100 Common Can. Pacs.,
And (£) 40 Berthas, 60 Lions
And 42 Brazil Tracs.

He'd 80 Knackers, 20 Breads
And just (£) 400 Saras,
(£) 1,000 Middies, 20 Tanks,
And (£) 57 Claras.

200 Chinas (£) 90 Megs,
10 Virgins (£) 40 Doras,
(£) 1,000 Vestas, Matches 10,
12 Bones and (£) 80 Noras,

The Cash at Bank was £80,
The Cash in House was seven,
The Furniture was valued at
Four hundred pounds eleven.

Debts due at death were £90,
And no one in their senses
Can say that £20 was much
For Funeral Expenses.

The Trustee read the Will with care
And studied it minutely,
And found that all was left unto
The Widow absolutely,

Except some Legacies, which made
The worthy man feel dizzy,
He read "I hereby leave my Bags
Unto my daughter Lizzie."

"I leave the Virgins to my son,
Advising him to hold them,
Unless it proves upon my death
I've previously sold them."

"I solemnly bequeath my Bones
Unto my second sonny,
Although I know they'll quickly be
Converted into money."

"I also feel in duty bound
To leave my brother's kiddies
A Legacy, so let his girls
Take over all the Middies."

"My Trustee gets a hundred pounds
For trouble and attention,
All Legacies are duty free,
Perhaps I ought to mention."

"Those whom I leave will thus receive,
A generous provision,
And when all's paid, they'll see I've made
A very just division."

_The following lines were addressed by the Trustee to the Professional Accountant:_--

You are a man, to Law and Figures bred,
I am a Layman, and I fear to tread
The unknown way.
You know the course Executors should take
To carry out their Trust, without mistake,
Without delay.

Give me then help to ascertain the rate
Of Duty payable on the Estate;
The Residue,
Which goes to Mrs. Huckett, and which may
Be challenged by her lawyer; and I'll pay
A fee to you.

PROBLEM No. 37.

The late Mr. John Bunyon died in affluent circumstances after having, by the exercise of keen business instincts, overcome those obstacles which confront every great philanthropist who combines the cause of humanity with the desire to achieve wealth and fame.

In his early days he vended to a suffering but suspicious public, a commodity known as "Bunyon's Specific"; and it was his custom at this time to commence his nightly oration to his potential patients at the street corner with the words, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I have extracted corns from all the Crowned Heads of Europe."

In later years, when by the aid of judicious advertising he had convinced the public that no home was complete without his famous Specific, Mr. Bunyon sold his business to a Limited Company, and on then calculating his wealth, found himself rich beyond the dreams of avarice.

He thereupon decided to enter Society, and after some difficulty procured an introduction to Mr. James Rooker, who obtained for him--for a consideration--the entrée into that sphere of Social life which he was so eminently fitted to adorn. On Mr. Rooker's advice, he purchased a Freehold House in a favourable quarter of the West End of London, but owing to a desire not to disturb certain Investments, he raised £2,500 of the purchase price by Mortgage, which at the time of his decease had not been repaid.

In view of the great services rendered to him by Mr. James Rooker, Mr. Bunyon promised to remember him and his family in his Will; which led Mr. Rooker to be very solicitous concerning Mr. Bunyon's health until he was certain that a Will had been executed, and subsequently caused him much speculation as to whether an early decease of his Patron might not be more beneficial than the advantages to be gained from him whilst alive.

Mr. Bunyon's death put an end to these speculations, and it occurred under the following circumstances. Having met Mr. Rooker by appointment at that gentleman's house, they spent a merry hour at the card table, much to Mr. Rooker's advantage. They then sallied forth in a Taxi-cab; when suddenly remembering that he had parted with all his ready cash, and knowing that Mr. Rooker never paid for cabs on principle, Mr. Bunyon ordered the chauffeur to drive to Attenborough's and there placed his diamond pin in pledge for the sum of £5. Feeling somewhat faint after this exertion, he instructed the chauffeur to drive to a Chemist's where he ordered a pick-me-up. The Chemist not knowing his customer, considered his symptoms a fit case for a dose of "Bunyon's Specific," of which Mr. Bunyon unwittingly partook, and so met his death.

Mr. Bunyon's Will was found to contain the following Legacies and Devises in favour of the Rooker Family:--

Mr. James Rooker, my Diamond Pin.

Mr. Tracey Rook Rooker, 1,000 Shares in "Bunyon, Ltd."

Mr. Ricardo Rook Rooker, my Freehold House in London.

Miss Christabel Rook Rooker, £100 of Consols out of my £2,000
Consols.

Miss Emmeline Rook Rooker, £100 payable out of my £2,000 Consols.

It was found that both the Shares in "Bunyon, Ltd." and the Consols, had been sold shortly before Mr. Bunyon's death. The Freehold House was valued at £6,500, the Diamond Pin at £25.

* * * * *

The Net value of his Estate when aggregated was £108,000. What did the Rooker Family receive, and what duties were payable by them?

[TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE: In the following, the original text of the Foreword is repeated with an informal English translation by proofer "Lucy 24" (Louise Hope). This was not in the original text, but is provided by the transcribers for the convenience of the reader. The English text below is placed in the public domain.]

Foreword.

By D. F. de l'Hoste Ranking, M.A., LL.D.

De mortuo illo quid dicam?
What shall I say about the deceased?

"Nilnisi bonum" ut aiunt.
"Nothing but good" as they say.

Sed quid si nil boni fecit?
But what if he didn't do any(thing) good?

De bonis licet loqui.
One can talk about his goods.

At si nulla bona reliquit?
But what if he left no goods?

De eo tacere decet:
One should keep quiet about that:
si neque bonum fecit nec bona acquisivit nil valet.
if he neither did good nor acquired goods, he is worthless.

Sed si bona reliquit in sermonem hominum semper venit;
But if he left property, people always talk about him;
vitia operta sunt;
his faults are concealed;
pecuniam fecit, illa quidem "non olet."
he made money, and it "doesn't smell".

Quem heredem instituit?
Whom did he name as heir?
Extraneis haec omnia livori proxima videntur.
To outsiders all these seem next door to envy.

Te autem si tu aut cognatione aut affinitate propinquus
exspectatio tenet.
But you--if you are close, either by acquaintance or relationship,
expectation grips you.
An mea interest? Si sic habet, quanti?
But does it concern me? If that's how it is, how much?
Suave est ex magno tollere acervo;
It's pleasant to receive a big heap;
ejus pecunia quid non facere possim?
with his money, what couldn't I do?

Siste, amice; aliquantulum cogita;
Stop, friend; think a little;
supersunt multi cognati;
there remain many friends;
fieri potest ut aut cum aliis bona partire debeas,
aut exheredatus sis.
it may be that either you have to share the goods with others,
or you are disinherited.

Gerrae! Sine dubio testamentum fecit:
Nonsense! Without a doubt he made a will:
et cum ratione constat me alicuius rei legatarium esse.
and it's reasonable to think I was left something.
Nemo enim magis eum fovit;
For nobody took better care of him;
alii omnes cognati asseclae; solus eum amavi.
all his other friends only cared about his money; I alone loved him.

Insipiens, inter os et offam multa intervenire possunt.
O fool, many things can come "between the mouth and the morsel"
[Latin idiom, like "many a slip between cup and lip"?]
Audi de gente Fulvia fabellam:
I've heard the story of the Fulvian people:
de multis mutato nomine narratur.
it is told of many, with the name changed.

(In scena est coenatio Georgii Fusci, argentariorum interpretis.
(Setting: The dining room of George Black, assayer of money.
Fuscus, bene coenatus, alterum cyathum Falerni sorbillat.
Black, having dined well, is enjoying his second glass of port.
Accurrit uxor, commota;
His wife runs in, excited;
in manu litteras resignatas tenet).
in her hand she holds a signed paper.)

U. Georgi!
George!

F. Quid tibi nunc est? Num quid novi est?
What's the matter with you? What's happening?

U. Amita mea Maria decessit!
My aunt Mary has died!

F. Bene! nunquam postea illud vile Sabinum necesse erit obsorbere:
Good! I will never again have to drink her vile claret:
magnum est solatium.
that's a great solace.

U. At tu Georgi semper id laudasti!
But George, you always praised it!

F. Et tu simul filiaeque semper miratae estis Persicam illam
detestabilem
And you and your daughter always admired that detestable Persian
et psittacum dissonum, et laudibus extulistis:
and the raucous parrot, and sang their praises:
pretium fuit vetulae placere.
that's the cost of pleasing old women.

U. Esto: illa vero suavia erant.
Never mind: They were really agreeable.
At hic mihi litterae a cognitore ejus Semaureo allatae:
But this letter was sent to me by her solicitor [Semaureus]:
dicit se hodie vesperi te conventurum.
he says he is coming to [see] you this evening.

F. Demiror si testamentum fecit!
I'll be amazed if she made a will!
Sin minus omnia ad te perveniunt,
If not, everything goes to you;
tu heres ex asse;
you are the [default/intestate] heir;
cognati alii desunt.
there are no other relatives

U. Est quidem mariti nepos iste.
There's that nephew of her husband.

F. Nullus: tu sola heres:
That's nothing: you alone are the heir:
si intestata omnia ad te.
if she [died] intestate, everything goes to you.

U. Tabulas vere fecit:
She really made an accounting:
cognitor scribit se te conventurum quia
her solicitor writes that he is coming to you because
testamentum ad rem tuam maxime pertinet.
her will greatly concerns your business.

F. Mihi crede igitur!
Then believe me!
Aliquid magni tibi legavit:
She left you something big:
haud verisimile illam quidquam juveni Albo legasse:
it's hardly likely that she left anything to young White:
nunquam illam observavit;
he never paid any attention to her;
homo nil est nisi pictor ignotus aut aliquid simile:
he is nobody except an unknown painter or something like that:
uxorem quoque duxit quamdam inopem,
he also married some penniless woman,
et eis saepe amita tua subvenire debuit.
and your aunt always had to come to their assistance.

U. Fores pulsantur: advenit cognitor!
There's a knock at the door: her solicitor has arrived!

F. Dic famulae ut alteram cyathum ponat.
Tell the maid to bring another glass.

(Ingreditur Dominus Semaureus.)
(Enter Mr [Semaureus].)

Quid agis vir doctissime?
How are you, my esteemed friend?
Mea uxor dixit te venturum;
My wife said you were coming;
nonne ob testamentum amitae ejus?
is it about the will of her aunt?

S. Sic res habet, Fusce;
That's how it is, Black;
venio ad te quod hoc res tua maxime refert;
I come to you because this concerns you greatly;
et scio te onus suscepturum.
and I know you will take up the burden.

F. An sic habet?
Is that how it is?
Vetulae illi multa bona provenere ut opinor.
The old lady left a large property, I think.

S. Permulta: super haec te consulendum putavi.
Very large: I thought to consult you about it.
Hic mecum tabulas attuli ut eas inspicias.
I have brought the accounting with me so you can study it.

F. Bene est; Dignissima erat; cui semper plurimum tribui.
Good; she was a worthy lady; I always said so.
Falerni sume cyathum.
Have a glass of port.

S. Benigne dicis; dimidium:
You are very kind; half a glass;
bona venia uxoris tuae est mihi in animo
with the permission of your wife I am thinking of telling you
summas testamenti reddere;
the amounts in the will;
ad illam quoque pertinet.
it concerns her too.
(Testamenta allata resignat.)
(Opens the will he has brought.)

Post nonnulla famulis legata ita instituit:
After several bequests to servants, it states:

"Fratris filiae Mariae lego Persicam et Psittacum
To my brother's daughter Mary I leave the Persian and the Parrot,
quae animalia tantopere admirata est,
which animals she greatly admired,
certa fiducia se illis hospitium praebituram;
in the full confidence that she will provide a good home for them;
eidem etiam lego annulum meum gemmatum.
to her I also leave my diamond ring.
Nepoti ejusdem Mariae viro Georgio Fusco lego omne
To my niece Mary's husband George Black I leave
quod in hypogaeo superest vinum illud Falernum
all the wine that remains in my cellar because
quod semper laudabat."
he always praised it.

F. (In malam rem.)
(Black is unhappy.)

S. "Quod ad ceteras possessiones
As to my remaining possessions,
Georgius Fuscus heres esto ex asse:
let George Black inherit all:
(subridet Fuscus et uxori in aurem susurrat "ita ut dixi.")
(Black smiles and whispers in his wife's ear "as I said.")

S. (Conversa tabula)
(Turning the page)
"et rogo eum ut cum primum potuerit haereditatem adire,
"and I ask him to go to the inheritance as soon as possible,
omnibus et fundis et mobilibus venditis,
to sell both real property and chattel,
pecunias in cautionibus publica auctoritate factis
to deposit the money in a bank
collocet et fructus reddat nepoti mariti mei
and give the interest to my husband's nephew
Jacobo Albo et uxori suae in aetatem
John White and his wife for their lifetimes
aut utri eorum vita superarit:
or to whichever of them outlives the other:
eis mortuis ut inter liberos eorum caput dividat:
when they die, the capital is to be divided among their children:
aut liberis sine prole defunctis
or if their children die without offspring
caput reddat ad sodalitatem Anthropophagis Africanis
the capital goes to the African Cannibal Mission
informandis et nutriendis institutam:
established to educate and provide for them:
praemio sint fiduciario viginti in annum librae."
let the executor's pay be twenty pounds a year."

F. Anus odiosa et malefica!
Hateful and malicious old woman!
At enitar ut testamentum rescindatur;
I will try to overturn the will;
inofficiosi testamenti querelam instituam!
I will make a complaint about this useless will!
Delira fuit!
She was mad!

S. Immo mentis omnino compos fuit, Improbe:
On the contrary she was of completely sound mind, unworthy man:
sic summa fide clamabo et testabor.
I will affirm and witness to this.
Verba tua pro tempore et re indecora.
Your words are spontaneous and unfitting.
Tui piget me: evado.
I am ashamed of you: I shun you.

F. Maria!
Mary!

U. Georgi!
George!

Uterque. Exsecrabilis Illa!
Both. Detestable woman!

(Aulaeum tollitur.)
(Curtain.)

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De Mortuis Nil Nisi BonaChapter II: Part 2

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