Chapter VII: By the Untutored

Care should be taken in writing for the young, or they may get a wholly different meaning from the language than that intended. The Bishop of Hereford was examining a school-class one day, and, among other things, asked what an average was. Several boys pleaded ignorance, but one at last replied, "It is what a hen lays on." This answer puzzled the bishop not a little; but the boy persisted in it, stating that he had read it in his little book of facts. He was then told to bring the little book, and, on doing so, he pointed triumphantly to a paragraph commencing, "The domestic hen lays _on an average_ fifty eggs each year."

If English is "wrote" as she is often "spoke" by the ignorant and careless, she would bear little resemblance to the original Queen's English. A listener wrote out a short conversation heard the other day between two pupils of a high-school, and here is the phonetic result:

"Warejergo lasnight?"

"Hadder skate."

"Jerfind th'ice hard'n'good?"

"Yes, hard'nough."

"Jer goerlone?"

"No; Bill'n Joe wenterlong."

"Howlate jerstay?"

"Pastate."

"Lemmeknow wenyergoagin, woncher? I wantergo'n'show yer howterskate."

"H'm, ficoodn't skate better'n you I'd sell-out'n'quit."

"Well, we'll tryeranc'n'seefyercan."

Here, as they took different streets, their conversation ceased.

A writer in the "School-boy Magazine" has gathered together the following dictionary words as defined by certain small people:

Bed-time--Shut eye time.

Dust--Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Fan--A thing to brush warm off with.

Fins--A fish's wings.

Ice--Water that staid out in the cold and went to sleep.

Monkey--A very small boy with a tail.

Nest-Egg--The egg that the old hen measures by, to make new ones.

Pig--A hog's little boy.

Salt--What makes your potato taste bad when you don't put any on.

Snoring--Letting off sleep.

Stars--The moon's eggs.

Wakefulness--Eyes all the time coming unbuttoned.

The following specimens from scholars' examinations in making sentences to illustrate the definitions of words, found in their small dictionaries, will have a familiar sound to some of our readers:

Frantic = Wild: I picked a bouquet of frantic flowers.

Retorted = Returned: We retorted home at six o'clock.

Summoned = Called: I summoned to see Mary last week.

Athletic = Strong: The vinegar was too athletic to be used.

Poignant = Sharp: My knife is very poignant.

Ordinances = Rules: We learned the ordinances for finding the greatest common divisor.

Turbid = Muddy: The road was so turbid that we stuck fast in the mud.

Tandem = One behind another: The scholars sit tandem in school.

Akimbo = With a crook: I saw a dog with an akimbo in his tail.

Atonement = Satisfaction: There is no atonement in boat-riding in a cold day.

Composure = Calmness: The composure of the day was remarkable.

We have the authority of the late Dr. Hart as to the genuineness of the following extracts, taken from the papers of a class seeking admission into a high-school, to which had been given a list of words for their meanings and applications:

Fabulous--Full of threads: Silk is fabulous.

Accession--The act of eating a great deal: John got very sick after dinner by accession.

Atonement--A small insect: Queen Mab was pulled by atonements.

Develop--To swallow up: God sent a whale to develop Jonah.

Circumference--Distance through the middle: Distance around the middle of the outside.

Mobility--Belonging to the people: The mobility of St. Louis has greatly increased.

Adequate--A land animal: An elephant is an adequate.

Gregarious--Pertaining to idols: The Sandwich-Islanders are gregarious.

Fluctuation--Coming in great numbers: There was a great fluctuation of immigrants.

Alternate--Not ternate.

Intrinsic--Not trinsic: weak, feeble: He was a very intrinsic old man.

Subservient--One opposed to the upholding of servants.

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