Chapter XXXIV

INVASION SQUIBS, _continued_--THE BOTTLE CONJUROR--PIDCOCK’S
MENAGERIE.

In order to understand the next caricature, it is necessary to go back to January 16, 1749, when a famous hoax was played on the public. The ‘Gentleman’s Magazine’ for that month says, ‘A person advertised that he would, this evening, at the _Theatre_ in the _Hay-market_, play on a common walking cane the music of every instrument now used, to surprising perfection; that he would, on the stage, get into a tavern quart bottle, without equivocation; and while there, sing several songs, and suffer any spectator to handle the bottle; that, if any spectator should come mask’d, he would, if requested, declare who they were; that, in a private room, he would produce the representation of any person dead, with which the party requesting it could converse some minutes as if alive, &c.’

The bait took, and the theatre was crowded: patience was exhausted, and some one in the pit calling out that ‘For double prices, the conjurer will go into a pint bottle,’ an uproar began, which ended in the wreckage of the house, which was made into a bonfire outside, and the carrying off of the treasury.

With this introduction we can the better understand ‘Britannia blowing up the Corsican Bottle-Conjurer,’ by I. Cruikshank (August 17, 1803), which represents Napoleon being violently ejected into the air, in an extremely disorganised condition, from the mouth of a bottle which is labelled ‘British Spirits composed of True Liberty, Courage, Loyalty and Religion,’ and in which is seated Britannia, helmed, and armed with spear and shield.

Woodward designed ‘The Corsican Moth’ (August 22, 1803), which, flying towards the candle, exclaims: ‘It is a very fierce flame; I am afraid I shall singe my wings!’ George III. consoles himself with: ‘Thou little contemptible insect, I shall see thee consumed by-and-by.’

This very vivid caricature explains itself. The French Court are consuming all the good things to be got by the invasion of England in anticipation, when the fearful ‘Mene, Mene, Tekel Upharsin,’ the mystic handwriting on the wall, appears. Napoleon is in consternation, but his wife and the assembled guests do not seem to notice it. Josephine is here, as generally, depicted as being very fat. She was not so at this time, nor for some time after. Madame Junot says: ‘I observed that Josephine had grown very stout since the time of my departure from Spain. This change was at once for the better and the worse. It imparted a more youthful appearance to her face; but her elegant and slender figure, which had been one of her principal attractions, had entirely disappeared. She was now decidedly _embonpoint_, and her figure had assumed that matronly air which we find in the statues of Agrippina, Cornelia, &c.’ The three ladies behind her chair are supposed to represent Pauline, who was afterwards the Princess Borghese, the Princess Louise, and the Princess Joseph Bonaparte.

‘A Knock Down blow in the Ocean, or Bonaparte taking French leave,’ is by some unknown artist (August 24, 1803). John Bull, stripped to the waist in true pugilistic style, has encountered Bonaparte in the Channel, and, with one well-directed blow, has sunk him, leaving only his hat and boots to tell the tale. With great satisfaction the old man says: ‘There, my lad, I think that blow will settle the business. D--n me, he is gone in such a hurry he has left his hat and spurs behind him.’ The English give ringing cheers: ‘John Bull for ever! Huzza! Huzza! Bravo! Bravo!’ But the French look very rueful, and, wringing their hands and weeping, exclaim: ‘Ah! misericorde, pauvre Bonaparte. O dat Terrible Jean Bool.’

AN INVASION SKETCH.

If there be one Person so lost to all Love for his Country, and
the British Constitution, as to suppose that his Person or his
Property, his Rights and his Freedom, would be respected under
a Foreign Yoke, let him contemplate the following Picture--not
Overcharged, but drawn from Scenes afforded by every Country:
Italy, Holland, Switzerland, Germany, Spain, Hanover, which has
been exposed to the Miseries of a French Invasion.

LONDON, _10 Thermidor--Year----_.

General BONAPARTE made his public entrance into the capital,
over London Bridge, upon a charger from his BRITANNIC MAJESTY’S
Stables at Hanover, preceded by a detachment of Mamelukes.
He stopped upon the bridge for a few seconds, to survey the
number of ships in the river; and, beckoning to one of his
Aid-de-camps, ordered the French flags to be hoisted above
the English--the English sailors on board, who attempted to
resist the execution of this order, were bayonetted, and thrown
overboard.

When he came to the Bank, he smiled with complaisance upon a
detachment of French grenadiers, who had been sent to load
all the bullion in waggons, which had previously been put in
requisition by the Prefect of London, Citizen MENGAUD, for the
purpose of being conveyed to France. The Directors of the Bank
were placed under a strong guard of French soldiers, in the
Bank parlour.

From the Bank, the FIRST CONSUL proceeded, in grand procession,
along Cheapside, St. Paul’s, Ludgate Hill, Fleet Street,
and the Strand, to St. James’s Palace. He there held a
grand Circle, which was attended by all his officers, whose
congratulations he received upon his entrance into the Capital
of these once proud islanders. BONAPARTE, previous to his
arrival, appointed two Prefects, one for London, and one for
Westminster. Citizen MENGAUD, late Commissary at Calais, is the
Prefect of London, and Citizen RAPP, of Westminster. He also
nominated Citizen Fouché to the office of Minister of Police.
The Mansion-house has been selected for the residence of the
Prefect of London, and Northumberland House for the residence
of the Prefect of Westminster. As it has been deemed necessary
to have the Minister of Police always near the person of the
FIRST CONSUL, Marlborough House has been given to Citizen
Fouché. Lodgings have been prepared elsewhere, for the late
owners of that splendid Palace.

London was ordered to be illuminated, and detachments of French
Dragoons paraded the principal streets, and squares, all night.

_11 Thermidor._

BONAPARTE, at five o’clock in the morning, reviewed the French
Troops on the Esplanade at the Horse Guards. A Council was
afterwards held, at which the following Proclamations were
drawn up, and ordered to be posted in every part of the City:

BY ORDER OF THE FIRST CONSUL.

PROCLAMATION.

_St. James’s Palace._

Inhabitants of London, be tranquil. The Hero, the Pacificator,
is come among you. His moderation, and his mercy, are too well
known to you. He delights in restoring peace and liberty to all
mankind. Banish all alarms. Pursue your usual occupations. Put
on the habit of joy and gladness.

The FIRST CONSUL orders,

That all the Inhabitants of London and Westminster remain in
their own houses for three days.

That no molestation shall be offered to the measures which the
French Soldiers will be required to execute.

All persons disobeying these Orders, will be immediately
carried before the Minister of Police.

(signed) BONAPARTE.
The Minister of Police FOUCHÉ.

PROCLAMATION

_To the French Soldiers._

Soldiers! BONAPARTE has led you to the Shores, and the
Capital of this proud island. He promised to reward his brave
companions in arms. He promised to give up the Capital of the
British Empire to pillage. Brave Comrades take your reward.
London, the second Carthage, is given up to pillage for three
days.

(signed) BONAPARTE.
The Minister of War, par interim ANGEREAU.

The acclamations of the French soldiery--_Vive Bonaparte_--_le
Heros_--_le Pacificateur_--_le Magnanime_--resound through
every street.

_12th, 13th, 14th, Thermidor._

LONDON PILLAGED! The doors of private houses forced. Bands of
drunken soldiers dragging wives, and daughters, from the arms
of husbands, and fathers. Many husbands, who had the _temerity_
to resist, butchered in the presence of their Children--Flames
seen in a hundred different places, bursting from houses
which had been set fire to, by the _vivacity_ of the troops.
Churches broken open, and the Church plate plundered--The pews
and altars converted into stabling--Four Bishops murdered, who
had taken refuge in Westminster Abbey--The screams of women,
and of children, mix with the cries of the soldiers--_Vive la
Republique!_ _Vive Bonaparte!_

St. Martin’s Church converted into a _depôt_ for the property
acquired by the pillage of the soldiery.

_15 Thermidor._

A proclamation published by the FIRST CONSUL, promising
_protection_ to the inhabitants.

The houses of the principal Nobility and Gentry, appropriated
to the use of the French Generals. Every house is required to
furnish so many rations of bread and meat for the troops.

At a Council of State, presided over by BONAPARTE, the two
Houses of Parliament are solemnly abolished, and ordered to be
replaced by a Senate, and a Council of State. General MASSENA
appointed Provisional President of the former, and General
DESSOLLES of the latter. The Courts of Law are directed to
discontinue their sittings, and are replaced by Military
tribunals.

_16 Thermidor._

A contribution of twenty millions ordered to be levied upon
London. A deputation was sent to BONAPARTE to represent the
impossibility of complying with the demand, the Bank and the
Capital having been pillaged. After waiting in the ante-chamber
of the Consul for four hours, the deputation are informed by a
Mameluke guard, that BONAPARTE will not see them. Two hundred
of the principal citizens ordered to be imprisoned till the
contribution is paid.

_17 Thermidor._

A plot discovered by FOUCHÉ against the FIRST CONSUL, and three
hundred, supposed to be implicated in it, sent to the Tower.

Insurrections in different parts of the Capital, on account of
the excesses of the soldiers, and the contribution of twenty
millions. Cannon planted at all the principal avenues, and a
heavy fire of grape-shot kept up against the insurgents.

Lords NELSON, ST. VINCENT, and DUNCAN, Messrs. ADDINGTON, PITT,
SHERIDAN, GREY, twenty Peers and Commons, among the latter is
Sir SIDNEY SMITH, tried by the Military tribunals, for having
been concerned in the _insurrection_ against France, and
sentenced to be shot. Sentence was immediately carried into
execution in Hyde Park.

_17 Thermidor._

The Dock-yards ordered to send all the timber, hemp, anchors,
masts, &c., to France. The relations of the British sailors at
sea, sent to prison till the ships are brought into port, and
placed at the disposal of the French. Detachments dispatched to
the different Counties to disarm the people.

The Island ordered to be divided into departments, and
military divisions--the name of London to be changed
for _Bona-part-opolis_--and the appellation of the
country to be altered from Great Britain, to that of _La
France insulaire_--Edinburgh to take the name of _Lucien
ville_--Dublin, that of _Massen-opolis_.

BRITONS! can this be endured?--Shall we suffer ourselves thus
to be parcelled off?--I hear you one and all say, No! No!
No!--To your Tents, O Israel!--for BRITONS NEVER WILL BE SLAVES.

* * * * *

PIDCOCK’S GRAND MENAGERIE,

With an exact representation of

BUONAPARTE,

THE LITTLE CORSICAN MONKEY,

_As he may probably appear at the above Receptacle of Foreign Curiosities, on, or before, Christmas 1803_.

Ladies and Gemmen!

This surprising Animal was taken by Admiral JOHN BULL, of the
TRUE BRITON, one of his Majesty’s principal Line of Battle
Ships. He possesses the Cunning of the Fox, the Rapacity of
the Wolf, the bloodthirsty _Nater_ of the Hyena, the tender
Feelings of the Crocodile, and the Obstinacy of an Ass. He has
rambled over several parts of the world, where he played a
number of wicked and ridiculous Tricks, particularly in Egypt;
there he had like to have been _nabbed_ by Sir Sidney Smith,
but contrived to steal away to France, where, after a Time,
exerting all the bad Qualities he possesses, he so far got
the better of his own species as to reign King Paramount over
Thirty Millions of poor deceived Monkeys. ‘Come, come, Jacko;
don’t look Melancholy, you shall have your Gruel with a Crust
in it presently.’ Ladies and _Gemmen_, if I was to quit him an
Instant, he would play a thousand _figaries_; break all your
Crockery, drink up your Wine, play the Devil and Doctor Faustus
with your Wives and _Darters_; eat your Provisions, steal your
Goods and Chattels, and commit more Mischief here, than he did
in Egypt. He’s of unbounded Ambition, and, by some fortunate
Strokes of good Luck, more than by his Abilities, proved very
successful in his Deceptions; but this Luck was not to last for
ever. Puf’t up, as full as a blown bladder, with conceit, he
thought he _coud_ conquer the four Quarters of the Globe: when,
sailing with a party of large Baboons, who were called his
body Guard, he stole, one dark Night, out of Boulogne Harbour,
to make an attack, and seize the Island of Great Britain;
where he assured his Companions of immense Wealth by their
Plunders. But Admiral BULL coming up with him by break of day,
when he was half Seas over, gave them a Broad Side, and _woud_
have sunk them outright; but seeing the Crew were nothing but
a Collection of miserable, deluded, poor, Brutes, he turned
them adrift, and only seized their Leader to shew him as a
_Curiosity_.[84]

A suggestion was made that two could play at the game of Invasion, and ‘John Bull landed in France’ is a caricature by West (August 29, 1803). He is in cavalry uniform, and, mounted on his lion, is pursuing the French troops, who, bestriding frogs, are in full flight. The terrible old man roars out, ‘D--m me, but I’ll put your Cavalry to the hop--I only wish I could find out your Commander.’ But Boney is looking out of a cottage chimney, remarking, ‘Mercy on me, what a terrible fellow. I think I am tolerably safe here!’

West (August, 1803) describes the ‘Three plagues of Europe.’ Bonaparte figures as ‘The Turberlent Mr. Fightall’; Pitt as ‘The Honourable Mr. Taxall’; and the Devil as ‘The Worshipful Mr. Takeall.’