Chapter XXV: Epitaph Upon Colonel Chartres

Swift was reported to have had a hand in this piece, and indeed for
some time it was ascribed to him. But there is now no doubt that it
was entirely the work of Arbuthnot.

Here continueth to rot the body of Francis Chartres; who, with an inflexible constancy and inimitable uniformity of life, persisted, in spite of age and infirmities, in the practice of every human vice excepting prodigality and hypocrisy: his insatiable avarice exempted him from the first, his matchless impudence from the second.

Nor was he more singular in the undeviating pravity of his manners, than successful in accumulating wealth.

For, without trade or profession, without trust of public money, and without bribe-worthy service, he acquired, or more properly created, a ministerial estate.

He was the only person of his time who could cheat without the mask of honesty, retain his primeval meanness when possessed of ten thousand a year; and, having daily deserved the gibbet for what he did, was at last condemned to it for what he could not do.

O indignant reader, think not his life useless to mankind, providence connived at his execrable designs, to give to after-ages a conspicuous proof and example of how small estimation is exorbitant wealth in the sight of God, by his bestowing it on the most unworthy of all mortals.

_Joannes jacet hic Mirandula--cætera norunt
Et Tagus et Ganges forsan et Antipodes_.

Applied to F. C.

Here Francis Chartres lies--be civil!
The rest God knows--perhaps the devil.

JONATHAN SWIFT.

(1667-1745.)