Chapter I: Front Matter

FIVE ACRES TOO MUCH.

A TRUTHFUL ELUCIDATION

OF

The Attractions of the Country,

AND

A CAREFUL CONSIDERATION OF THE

_Question of Profit and Loss as involved in
Amateur Farming_,

WITH MUCH

VALUABLE ADVICE AND INSTRUCTION TO THOSE ABOUT
PURCHASING LARGE OR SMALL PLACES
IN THE RURAL DISTRICTS.

_NEW AND ENLARGED EDITION._

BY

ROBERT BARNWELL ROOSEVELT,

AUTHOR OF “GAME FISH OF NORTH AMERICA,” “SUPERIOR FISHING,”
“FLORIDA AND THE GAME WATER BIRDS,” “PROGRESSIVE PETTICOATS,”
“FISH HATCHING AND FISH CATCHING,” ETC.

NEW YORK:
O. JUDD CO. DAVID W. JUDD, PRES.
751 BROADWAY.
1885.

Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1885, by the

O. JUDD COMPANY,

In the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington.

TO

THE WRITERS OF BOOKS

ON

FARMING, GARDENING, HORTICULTURE, AGRICULTURE,
AND FLORICULTURE,

_THIS WORK IS RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED_,

AS AN EVIDENCE
OF WHAT CAN BE DONE AND WHAT WONDERFUL RESULTS
CAN BE PRODUCED BY A CAREFUL STUDY OF
THEIR DIRECTIONS AND STRICT OBEDIENCE
TO THEIR RULES;

AND

AS A SLIGHT TESTIMONIAL TO THE ACCURACY, LUCIDITY,
AND PRACTICABILITY OF THE ADVICE WHICH THEY
GIVE AND THE EXPERIENCES THEY DESCRIBE;

IN THE SINCERE HOPE
THAT THEY WILL NEVER WEARY OF COMPOSING BOOKS
EQUALLY TRUTHFUL, TRUSTWORTHY,
AND INTERESTING.

THE AUTHOR.

CONTENTS.

INTRODUCTION.

Apotheosis of the Country, especially of such Portions of the Country as the Author has for sale.--Many Attractions and still more Lots at Flushing.--Simplicity of Farming, and Lucidity of Agricultural Books.--Profits and Pleasures of Rural Life.....Page ix

CHAPTER I.

A COW.

Special Points about the Bovine Race.--Directions in Feeding.--Preparations to receive the Animal.--Her Arrival.--An awful Pause.--The Fray about to begin.--Intelligence of Cows and Biddies.--Victory.--A Calm.--Cow Complainings.--Approaching Storm.--A Tempest in a back Yard.--Soothing Effects of “Mash.”--Immense Profits and glorious Prospects for the Future.--Peculiarities and Eccentricities of the Race as exhibited in a confined Space.--She is sent to the Country for the benefit of her Health.....19

CHAPTER II.

A HOUSE, PLANS, AND SPECIFICATIONS.

Wonderful architectural Genius of the Author.--He admires himself and consults his Friends.--Difficulties in obtaining “just the Thing.”--Want of Time.--Free Trade in Houses advocated as superior to Home Production.--The imported Article falls into the Hands of a Philistine named Barney.--A fresh Arrival.--The House comes, but the Builder does not.--The Charge of the Light Brigade, and Flight of the Housekeeper.....37

CHAPTER III.

MORE LIVE-STOCK--A HORSE AND A PIG. WHICH IS THE NOBLER ANIMAL?

Beauties of the Pig.--Defects of the Horse.--The dearest Pig and the dearest Horse, each in their way.--A haunted House, and the Effect of Ghosts on Horses.--The Ghost Story precisely as it occurred.--Are Ghosts liable to Damages when they frighten Horses into fits of running away?--Equine Eccentricities.--Practical Playfulness.....61

CHAPTER IV.

THE COUNTRY, AND HOW TO GET THERE.

Easy Accessibility of Flushing.--An improving Railroad.--Education by Steam.--True Principles of Travel.....77

CHAPTER V.

A WELL.

A Well, considered classically and otherwise.--A Cat in search of the Truth.--A Catastrophe.--Pumps and Vanities of Life.--A poor Sucker.--Hydraulic Pressure.....86

CHAPTER VI.

A KITCHEN GARDEN.

Advantages thereof.--Things to have.--You wish you may get them.--Ornamental as opposed to practical Views.--A dissolving View.--Bad Beginnings do not always make a good Ending.--Daniel O’Rourke’s as a grazing Crop.--The new-mown Hay.--Its Flavor and Flower.--Remarkable Results of Gardening for Profit.....97

CHAPTER VII.

THE FLOWER GARDEN.

Architectural Skill set at defiance by practical Difficulties.--Result of too much Greenness.--A Disappointment.....111

CHAPTER VIII.

POULTRY.

Strange Attack of Somnolency.--Dogs and Peppers as awakeners.--The right Thing in the wrong Place.--A Hen lays herself out.--Twenty pair of Chickens raise the Hair of one Mink.....124

CHAPTER IX.

FALL WORK.

A Fortune in Strawberries.--How to get it out.--Debility developed.--Science to the Rescue.--The wonderful Effects of a Liquid Fertilizer.--No Farmer should fail to have such a Thing in the House.....136

CHAPTER X.

PROFIT AND LOSS.

Immense pecuniary Advantages of high old Farming.--Exactitude the Foundation of Success in Life.--A plain Statement.--General Reflections.--An amateur Butcher.--Boiled salt Pork.....148

CHAPTER XI.

THE FLUSHING SKATING-POND--A DIGRESSION.

A nice Man as an Ice-man.....161

CHAPTER XII.

THE SECOND YEAR.

A new Start, with no Drawbacks.--Immense Results, but not precisely what was wanted.--The great Pea turns out small.--Wonderful obstinacy of Plants.....169

CHAPTER XIII.

SCIENCE.

Knowledge is Power.--The new Flower.--A Thing of Beauty.--Appearance contrasted with Perfume.--The Fox is the Finder.....179

CHAPTER XIV.

A SECOND DIGRESSION--FAIRY TALES FOR LITTLE FOLKS.

Retributive Justice.--Don’t be such a Goose.....189

CHAPTER XV.

NUISANCES, INHUMAN AND HUMAN. PETS--THE CHARM OF COUNTRY LIFE.

With a few Reservations.--Flies on the Rampage.--Wonderful Discovery.--Dogs on Seedlings.--A Hop-toad Hunt.....203

CHAPTER XVI.

BUTTER-MAKING. SEEDS AND THE DEVIL.

Butter-making in all its Attractions.--The Cream unequal to the Emergency.--Some Things can’t be Done as well as Others.--Electrical Phenomena.--Gathering Seed.--Incidental Reference to Satan and his Works.--not his agricultural ones.....216

CHAPTER XVII.

SUCCESS OF THE YEAR.

A second Year’s Balance-sheet.--Still greater Promises.--Success assured.--Every Man should be his own Market Gardener.--No dearth of Onions.--Transported at the Result.--The last of the family Horse.--He closes his Career by a wonderful Feat in drawing Teeth Page......233

CHAPTER XVIII.

PREPARATIONS FOR REMOVAL.

The Window Garden.--Warm Work.--Immense Resources of Science.--Mind against Matter.--What can the Matter be?--The new Flower......253

CHAPTER XIX.

A GREAT RUNNER.

A perfect Jonah.--Very fine, only don’t do it again.--A Gourd runs away with its Master.--A changeable Crimson.--A new Specimen of Flax, Red one Year and Yellow the next......266

CHAPTER XX.

A BEAUTIFUL NEW COACH.

A Rockaway stricken with Palsy.--Sudden Recovery.--Honesty of country Mechanics their best Recommendation.--A Roof over one’s Head.--Its Necessity, as well as Beauty.--A Fellow-feeling makes us willing to lend Shingles.--The latter End......283

CHAPTER XXI.

THREE HUNDRED ACRES NOT ENOUGH.

New Farms.--More Land.--No Rooms for Mushrooms.--Many Sects of Insects.--The Squash.--Unexpected Fungi.--The Triumph that Grazed Defeat.--The Joys of Memory......297