Chapter IV: Act I: Scene 1

_The drawing-room of the Winters’ house in Melchester. Like so
many other rooms in England, it is a mixture of styles--the John
style and the Ariadne style. The fireplace and mantelpiece, with
its presentation clock and twin vases, is pure_ JOHN. _Probably
he insisted on the clock; and_ ARIADNE, _realising that the
mantelpiece was now hopeless, encouraged him to put some of the
other presents there. The pictures are_ JOHN, _including the
hand-painted water-colour of an unexpected part of Switzerland,
given by a grateful lady-client, for whom he has appeared in the
county court. There are one or two early_ JOHN _pieces among the
furniture and easily recognisable by their ugliness; not that his
taste is bad, but simply that a drawing-room requires so much
furniture, and if an aunt or a sister or a foreclosed mortgage
has provided a proportion of it, it is folly to waste good money
in buying the same things over again. For to_ JOHN _all money is
good money; to be sought, to be won, and not to be thrown away_.
ARIADNE _doesn’t like throwing it away, but she likes exchanging
it for beautiful things, and here and there she has managed to do
this. She also likes comfort, and there is a chair for_ JOHN _and
a sofa for herself which, to some of the Melchester ladies, seem
almost indecently easy for a drawing-room._

_On a small table there is a big bowl of roses, with a note
tucked in the middle of them. We shall hear more about these._

_The room is in darkness, for it is after seven on an autumn
evening._

ARIADNE _comes in and turns on the light. She is a happy young
woman with a sense of humour which finds itself well exercised in
Melchester. Just at the moment she is in the middle of a quarrel
with her husband, and she carries on her face the lingering
afterglow of their last heated remarks to each other. Probably
the afterglow is more pronounced on_ JOHN’S _face; we shall see
directly_. ARIADNE _would be coolly ironical, for the most part.
She walks round the room, takes the note from the roses, shrugs
her shoulders at the writing, and puts it back again; then picks
up the evening paper from a table, and sinks into the sofa._

JOHN _follows. Undoubtedly he is ruffled, but he is not going
to show it. As one of the leading solicitors of Melchester it
is his business to control his feelings. But though his keen,
intelligent, clean-shaven face may be a mask to his clients_,
ARIADNE _can read every word of it. She gives him a look, and
smiles to herself._

JOHN (_looking at his watch_). Plenty of time. I thought I was going to be late. (_He compares his watch with the clock on the mantelpiece_) H’m. Fast again. (_He puts the hand of the clock five minutes back_) I shall have to have it seen to.

ARIADNE (_not looking up from her paper_). Oh, don’t do that.

JOHN. They wouldn’t keep it long.

ARIADNE (_with an ironical look at the clock_). I wasn’t thinking of that.

JOHN. Well, what?

ARIADNE. It must be so nice always putting things right--and knowing you’re right yourself.

JOHN (_with restraint_). I put my watch right by the Town Hall. That’s how I know.

ARIADNE. The Town Hall puts all the watches right. How satisfactory for it.

JOHN (_ignoring this_). Anything in the paper?

ARIADNE. And the watches put all the presentation clocks right. And the kitchen clock takes its time from this one, so however wrong you are, there’s always some one you can tell.

JOHN. I am afraid this is too subtle for me. Anything in the paper?

ARIADNE (_offering it to him_). Want it?

JOHN (_taking it_). Sure you’re finished with it?

ARIADNE. Actually, no; but speaking as a wife, “Yes, John.”

JOHN (_opening it_). I don’t suppose there is much in it anyway.

ARIADNE. Not enough for two, apparently. We might take in another copy of it.

JOHN. My dear Ariadne, what a ridiculous suggestion!

ARIADNE. Why?

JOHN. Two copies of the same paper!

ARIADNE. Twenty-six shillings a year, that’s all.

JOHN. Why throw away good money?

ARIADNE. But money, even if it’s good money, is meant to be thrown away.

JOHN. Not on wanton extravagance like that.

ARIADNE. Surely if you get pleasure and profit from it, that’s enough. If I pick up the paper first, you resent it, don’t you? And if I have to wait for it until you have read every last word of the advertisements, well, however used I am to waiting, it leaves a little mark each time. So we should both be happier if we had two copies, shouldn’t we? And you can’t often buy a little extra happiness every day for twenty-six shillings a year.

JOHN. What’s the matter with you to-night?

ARIADNE. Working the remains of our quarrel off before our guests come.

JOHN (_anxiously_). You’re going to be civil to Horace Meldrum?

ARIADNE. Of course!

JOHN. Why you ever started a quarrel about him I can’t conceive.

ARIADNE. I oughtn’t to have said quarrel. There was no quarrel. I merely said that I wouldn’t have Mr. Meldrum in my house again, and you said that in that case you would ask him to dinner to-night. Hardly a quarrel.

JOHN. I explained quite clearly why we had to be polite to him.

ARIADNE. You explained that he was one of your most important clients.

JOHN. _The_ most important.

ARIADNE. Yes. Oh, you put it very clearly.

JOHN. I am not the only solicitor in Melchester, you know.

ARIADNE. And Mr. Meldrum isn’t the only bounder.

JOHN. I admit he’s--well--what shall I say?

ARIADNE. Shall _I_ say it?

JOHN. But I’m getting a good deal of his work, and if we can keep the right side of him there’s no saying what it will lead to.

ARIADNE. That’s what I feel.

JOHN. If he took offence suddenly about anything, he’d think nothing of going straight off to another solicitor----

ARIADNE. And making love straight off to another solicitor’s wife.

JOHN. Oh, come! You aren’t a newly married girl. You know how to keep that sort of man in order.

ARIADNE. As a rule, yes. But in one of those awkward cases when you have to choose between preserving the honour and dignity of your husband and preserving the prosperity of his business----

JOHN. Nonsense! That’s going much too far.

ARIADNE. Almost the very words I said to Mr. Meldrum last time.

JOHN. I don’t like having him here any more than you do, but I can’t deliberately throw good money away.

ARIADNE. There’s another way of putting that, you know.

JOHN. What?

ARIADNE. I don’t like throwing good money away, but I can’t deliberately let my wife be insulted.

JOHN (_burying himself in his paper_). Insulted! Rubbish!

(_Ariadne stretches out a hand and takes the note from the bowl
of roses._)

ARIADNE (_holding the note out to him_). Here.

JOHN. What?

ARIADNE. Your client’s last letter to me.

JOHN (_taking it_). You haven’t opened it.

ARIADNE. I don’t need to. I can guess what’s inside it.

JOHN. But it might be important.

ARIADNE. I thought _you_ would like to open it. You are my husband.

JOHN (_doubtfully_). When did it come?

ARIADNE. This afternoon, with those flowers. (_She indicates the roses._)

JOHN (_going round to inspect them_). Did Meldrum send you these? How awfully decent of him. You can’t get roses like that for nothing.

ARIADNE. You can’t.... Aren’t you going to open the letter?

JOHN. Why do you want me to?

ARIADNE. I know how he writes. I thought _you_ would like to know.

JOHN (_uncertainly_). It’s just--a few polite nothings.

ARIADNE. I daresay. Won’t you read it? I have no secrets from you.

JOHN (_hesitatingly_). Well, it’s--it’s your letter.

ARIADNE. Are you afraid to?

JOHN. How do you mean afraid? It’s your letter, why don’t _you_ open it?

ARIADNE. I know so well the sort of thing; you don’t. Are you afraid to know?

JOHN. Of course not. (_But he turns it over nervously._)

ARIADNE. Well?

JOHN (_offering it to her_). It isn’t my letter. Why don’t _you_ open it? You refuse to? Very well. It’s your letter, you refuse to open it. I have no right to. (_He tears the letter into four pieces and throws it into the waste-paper basket._)

ARIADNE _(shaking her head at him_). Oh, John!

JOHN (_blustering_). Why do you make such a melodramatic fuss about a mere note like that? Perfectly harmless note accompanying a few flowers. Very decent of him, considering. Look at Hester. She’s known him as long as I have. She doesn’t make a fuss. He and Hector do a lot of business together. Do you think Hester makes a fuss when he goes to their house? Do you think she shrieks out that she is being insulted?

ARIADNE (_smiling_). Don’t tempt me, John.

JOHN. I suppose now you are going to run down my sister. I suppose no one in Melchester is good enough for you. That’s how it is.

ARIADNE. _You_ were once, John.

JOHN. The long and the short of it is that you don’t like Meldrum. If it’s any satisfaction to you, neither do I. But for the sake of the business, on which you depend as much as I do, I ask you to be friendly to him. Well, polite, anyhow.

ARIADNE. I will be more than polite. I will be friendly. That I promise.

JOHN (_coming up to her_). You’ve got a way with you, you know. You can’t pretend you haven’t. I’ve seen you with all sorts of people, people you must have hated, smiling at ’em as sweetly as if you’d loved them all your life.

ARIADNE (_smiling to herself_). I will smile like that at Mr. Meldrum. Watch me.

JOHN. Only the other day Hester was admitting that there was something about you----

ARIADNE. How nice of her! I love to think of you and Hester having long talks about me, and your sister admitting things like that. (_She takes a rose from the bowl, and holds it up_) Aren’t they pretty?

JOHN (_very friendly_). He throws his money about, doesn’t he? But then he can afford to.

ARIADNE (_putting the rose in her dress_). I like people who _throw_ it about.

JOHN. He’s quite a good sort when you get to know him.

ARIADNE. I must get to know him, I can see.

(_And there the discussion ends for the moment._)

JOHN (_looking at his watch_). Hester’s late. She isn’t usually late. I suppose Hector has been kept by some business. I don’t know why one expects them always to be first----

ARIADNE. I suppose because they always are.

JOHN. Meldrum is sure to be late, of course.

ARIADNE. Detained--by business.

JOHN. Well, he _is_ pretty busy just now with all these new cheap cottages he’s putting up.

ARIADNE (_suitably impressed_). Ah! (_John returns to his paper._) (_After a pause_) Oh, by the way, I am going up to London to-morrow.

JOHN. To-morrow? Saturday?

ARIADNE. Yes.

JOHN (_a little annoyed_). Can’t you wait till Wednesday?

ARIADNE. I don’t like excursion trains. I suppose I’m fussy.

JOHN. Oh well.... What is it? Shopping?

ARIADNE. One or two things. I shall lunch at the club.

JOHN. The club! Now there’s a needless extravagance. How many times do you go to your club in a year?

ARIADNE (_lightly_). I don’t know, John, and I don’t care, John, and I’m going to lunch there to-morrow, John. Now don’t say another word while I get my smile ready for Hector.

JOHN (_suspiciously_). Smile?

ARIADNE. Smile of welcome.

(_A hearty voice is heard outside._)

JOHN (_looking at his watch_). Here they are at last.

ARIADNE. I expect he forgot to put his watch right by the Town Hall.

MARY (_announcing_). Mr. and Mrs. Chadwick.

(HECTOR, _a bore in the grand style, with every cliché at his
command, a bore who--it would seem--really takes a pride in his
art, has been too much for Hester. She has faded, without quite
knowing why. She is still proud of_ HECTOR; _one could not fail
to be of so supreme an artist; and she has given up her right
to the hearth-rug and the central position, without resentment;
but she feels that there should have been something more in life
than_ HECTOR’S _voice. She is fond of her brother, and has always
known that_ ARIADNE _was not good enough for him_.)

HECTOR. Good-evening!

JOHN. Ah, here you are.

ARIADNE (_offering a cheek_). Good-evening, Hester.

HESTER. Good-evening. Good-evening, John. (_She goes and kisses him._)

JOHN. Good-evening, dear.

HECTOR (_shaking hands with_ ARIADNE). I was afraid we were late. A rush of business came in just as I was leaving the office----

HESTER. Hector is very busy just now.

HECTOR (_taking out his watch_). Is that clock right, John?

JOHN. Right by the Town Hall.

HECTOR. That’s good enough for me. (_Altering his watch_) I’m five minutes slow. Funny thing about watches. Now I daresay if somebody else wore this watch, it would be five minutes fast.

ARIADNE. You’re too quick for it, Hector.

(_They sit down._)

HESTER. Who else are coming?

JOHN (_a little awkwardly_). Meldrum.

HECTOR. Horace Meldrum. Ah! These new houses of his will be a pretty good thing for you, John. I suppose you’ve got the conveyancing of them.

JOHN. The Sutton Road ones anyhow. But you know what Meldrum is.

ARIADNE (_brightly_). We are going to get them all, Hector. We are going to do all Mr. Meldrum’s work for him. Even if he gets mixed up in a divorce case we are going to act for him.

HESTER. My dear Ariadne!

JOHN. Ariadne’s joking, of course.

HECTOR. _Honi soit_--and so on. Horace is much too careful to get mixed up in anything of that sort.

HESTER. Anybody else?

ARIADNE. Janet Ingleby.

HESTER. Oh, Janet. And Charlie, I suppose?

ARIADNE. No, not Charlie.

JOHN. We only knew at the last moment that Mr. Meldrum was coming, so we just got Miss Ingleby to make up the number.

HESTER. Oh, I see.

HECTOR. Charlie will be doing well for himself if that comes off. I wonder what old Ingleby will cut up for when his time comes. Any idea, John?

JOHN. Hundred thousand. More.

ARIADNE. Good heavens! We _must_ be nice to Janet.

HECTOR (_profoundly impressed, to_ JOHN). You don’t mean it, you don’t mean it.

JOHN. I don’t _know_, of course.

ARIADNE (_disappointed_). Oh, aren’t you his solicitor?

JOHN. If I were, dear, I shouldn’t even be able to guess at what he’s worth.

HECTOR. Professional etiquette, Ariadne. The Law Society would rap you pretty sharply over the knuckles if you talked about your client’s affairs in public, eh, John?

JOHN. I can’t imagine a decent solicitor doing it.

HESTER (_to_ ARIADNE). Like doctors and bankers. It wouldn’t do at all.

HECTOR. Secrets of the confessional. Even in the Law Courts--but I think that that point hasn’t been decided yet.

ARIADNE (_apologetically_). Oh, I see. But who is the lucky man who really knows how much Mr. Ingleby will--cut up for?

JOHN. Some London firm. Parkinsons, I think.

HESTER. He’s always been like that. They even run an account at Harrod’s, Janet tells me.

HECTOR. Uncivic of him. Distinctly uncivic.

ARIADNE. But you must have a local solicitor as well, mustn’t you? Supposing a dog bit him outside the Town Hall----

JOHN (_considering_). County Court action. Yes, he would then, of course.

ARIADNE (_with decision_). Then in case a dog bites him, I shall be very nice to Janet.

HECTOR (_to_ HESTER). What was that? I didn’t quite get that.

HESTER. I don’t think it was very important.

JOHN (_stiffly_). A joke of Ariadne’s.

HECTOR. Well, well, nobody likes a good joke more than I do. Let’s have it, Ariadne.

ARIADNE. Shall I explain it, John?

JOHN. I hardly think it necessary.

ARIADNE. I am sorry, Hector. You’ll have to imagine it as being tremendously funny.

_Enter_ MARY.

MARY (_announcing_). Miss Ingleby.

(JANET INGLEBY _is a handsome, rather discontented-looking girl
of 25, with no illusions, a lazily dangerous tongue, and an eye
to business_.)

JANET. Good-evening. (_To_ ARIADNE) How are you, dear? (_Shaking hands with the others_) I do hope I haven’t come at the wrong moment.

HECTOR (_gallantly_). Could any moment be the wrong moment for a young and charming lady?

JANET. Easily.

HECTOR (_taken aback_). Oh!

JANET. If I had come in five minutes ago when you were all discussing me----

JOHN. No, no.

HECTOR. I protest, upon my soul, I protest.

JANET. Am I the last?

ARIADNE. Mr. Meldrum.

JANET. Well, aren’t we all going to discuss _him_ now?

HESTER. My dear Janet, as if we should.

ARIADNE. Of course not. We’ve done it already.

JANET. That’s hardly fair, is it? You ought to have waited for _me_.

JOHN (_with a smile_). We thought perhaps you would rather discuss Charlie.

HECTOR. Ah, how is my dear friend Charlie?

JANET. Charlie is off.

HECTOR. Dear, dear!

ARIADNE. Oh, Janet! Why?

JANET. Father turned him down.

HESTER. I thought the modern girl didn’t pay any attention to her father’s views.

JANET. I don’t suppose she does. But, if she’s not a fool, she pays a good deal of attention to her father’s money.

HECTOR. Dear, dear! And so he threatened to cut you off with the proverbial shilling.

JANET. Yes. And both Charlie and I felt that a shilling wasn’t enough.

ARIADNE (_reproachfully_). But he wasn’t just marrying you for your money, dear?

JANET. No, that was the trouble. Father said, “Look here, Janet, if any enterprising young man comes along who wants a wife and twenty thousand, to put into his business, I’m ready to talk to him. But this young fellow isn’t thinking about business at all. You’ll just fritter the money away between you, and what’s the good of that?”

HECTOR. Yes, I see his point.

JANET. Oh, so do I. You can’t live on the interest of twenty thousand. You must _do_ something with it. Charlie couldn’t think of anything.

JOHN. Yes, that’s true enough.

ARIADNE. Well, as long as you aren’t broken-hearted, Janet.

JANET. Oh Lord, no. We had a very good time together, and that’s all of that.

_Enter_ MARY.

MARY (_announcing_). Mr. Meldrum.

(_Enter_ HORACE--_handsome, if you like that style--dashing, as
far as his weight will allow--a supreme egotist, without a wonder
or a misgiving in him. A bounder undoubtedly, but in the heroic
manner._)

HORACE (_to the company_). Good-evening, good-evening. (_To_ ARIADNE) Good-evening, dear lady, I trust I am not late, but as I daresay your husband will have told you, I have a good deal on just now. (_With a nod_) Evening, John. (_To_ HESTER) Ah, Mrs. Hector! and how has the world been treating _you_ since I last saw you? Let me see, that was on Tuesday, wasn’t it? (HESTER _murmurs that it was Monday, but he is already on his way to_ JANET.) Ah, Miss Janet! I was talking to your father over the phone only this morning. You’re looking very pretty, my dear. Got a new way of doing your hair, haven’t you?

JANET. Yes, it is fairly new. _You_ keep to your old way?

HORACE. Ha, ha, very good! I like a young woman to show a bit of spirit. You’ll get on, my dear. I always told your father so. (_To_ HECTOR) Ah, Hector! Before I forget, come and have a talk with me on Monday. I’ve got something I can put in your way.

HECTOR. Splendid, splendid, my dear fellow.

HORACE (_taking out his watch and looking at the clock_). Yes, I thought I wasn’t as late as all that. (_To_ JOHN) You’re a couple of minutes fast.

JOHN (_a little diffidently_). I don’t think so. I put it right by the Town Hall clock.

ARIADNE. Yes, we put it right by the Town Hall.

HORACE (_with finality_). A couple of minutes fast.

JOHN. Oh--thank you. (_He goes to the clock and alters it. While he is doing this_, MARY _comes in_.)

ARIADNE. Dinner, Mary?

MARY. Yes, madam.

ARIADNE. Thank you. (_To the others_) Shall we go in?

(_There is a little natural hesitation near the door on the
point of procedure. True_, HESTER _is a married woman, but
then_ JANET’S _father may cut up for a hundred thousand pounds.
Fortunately_ HORACE _keeps his head_.)

HORACE (_genially_). Ah, shall I go first?

(_He goes first. The others follow. As they go_, JOHN _at the
door turns off the switches. The lamps by the fire are still
alight--good money thrown away. Firmly, without hurrying, he
walks across the room and puts them out; then back again after
the others._)