Chapter I: Want to Be Holy

Heavenly Father, aid Thy child, who longs to become holy!

But then, I must be patient under humiliation, let myself be forgotten, and be even pleased at feeling myself set aside.

_Never mind! I am resolved; I wish to be holy!_

But I must never excuse myself, never be impatient, never out of temper.

_Never mind! I am resolved; I wish to be holy!_

Then I must continually be doing violence to my feelings,--submitting my will always to that of my superiors, never contentious, never sulky, finishing every work begun, in spite of dislike or ennui.

_Never mind! I am resolved; I wish to be holy!_

But then, I must be always charitable towards all around me; loving them, helping them to the utmost of my power, although it may cause me trouble.

_Never mind! I am resolved; I wish to be holy!_

But I must constantly strive against the cowardice, sloth, and pride of my nature, renouncing the world, the vanity that pleases, the sensuality that rejoices me, the antipathy that makes me avoid those I do not like.

_Never mind! I am resolved; I still wish to be holy!_

Then, I shall have to experience long hours of weariness, sadness, and discontent. I shall often feel lonely and discouraged.

_Never mind! I am resolved; I wish to be holy!_ for then I shall have Thee always with me, ever near me. LORD, help me, for I want to be holy!

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HOW TO BECOME HOLY

Oh! it is quite easy, if I fulfil every duty to the best of my ability; and many who had no more to do than I have become saints.

One day is the same as another. Prayer, worldly business, calls to be devout, charitable, and faithful,--these are the duties that each hour brings in its turn; and if I am faithful in their fulfilment, GOD will be always ready to help me, and then what signifies a little ennui, pain, or misfortune?

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THE SANCTIFICATION OF DAILY DUTIES

I will perform them as in GOD'S sight, conscious that He is present, and smiling on my efforts.

I will perform each as if I had but one to accomplish, striving to render it as perfect as possible.

I will fulfil each duty as if upon that one alone depended my salvation.

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MOTIVES FOR SANCTIFYING MY ACTIONS

GOD expects me to honor Him by that action.

GOD has attached a special blessing to that action, and awaits its fulfilment to bestow it.

GOD notes each action; and of them all hereafter I must give an account.

GOD will see that I love Him, if I strive to fulfil every duty, in spite of weariness and trouble.

I honor GOD by this action; and I, poor, weak, sinful child, am allowed to glorify Him, in place of those who blaspheme and rebel against the Divine will.

XXIX.

They say there is nothing which communicates itself so quickly amongst the members of a family as an expression of coldness or discontent on the face of one of its members. It is like the frost that chills us. This is not altogether true; there is something which is communicated with equal rapidity and greater force--I mean the smiling face, the beaming countenance, the happy heart.

XXX.

LITTLE WORRIES

There is not a day in our lives that we are not distressed by some one of those numberless little worries that meet us at every step, and which are inevitable.

The wound made may not be deep; but the constant pricks, each day renewed, imbitter the character, destroy peace, create anxiety, and make the family life, that otherwise would be so sweet and peaceful, almost unendurable.

Life is full of these little miseries. Each hour brings with it its own trouble.

Here are some of the little worries: An impatient word escapes our lips in the presence of some one in whose estimation we would stand well.

A servant does his work badly, fidgets us by his slowness, irritates us by his thoughtlessness, and his awkward blunders make us blush.

A giddy child in its clumsiness breaks something of value, or that we treasure on account of its associations; we are charged with a message of importance, and our forgetfulness makes us appear uncourteous, perhaps ungrateful; some one we live with is constantly finding fault, nothing pleases them. If, when night comes, we find we have not experienced these little worries, then we ought to be grateful to GOD. Each of these, and many more, are liable to befall us every day of our life.

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HOW TO BEAR LITTLE WORRIES

In the first place, expect them. Make them the subject of our morning prayers, and say to ourselves, Here is my daily cross, do I accept willingly? Surely! for it is GOD Who sends it. After all ... these little troubles, looked at calmly, what are they? Ah, if there were never any worse!

Secondly, we must be prepared for them. You know, if you wish to break the force of a blow falling on you, you naturally bend the body; so let us act with regard to our souls.

Accustom yourself, wrote a pious author, to stoop with sweet condescension, not only to exigencies (that is your duty), but to the simple wishes of those who surround you--the accidents which may intervene; you will find yourself seldom, if ever, crushed.

To _bend_ is better than to _bear_; to bear is often a little hard; to bend implies a certain external sweetness that yields all constraint, sacrificing the wishes, even in holy things, when they tend to cause disagreements in the family circle.

Submission often implies an entire resignation to all that GOD permits. The soul that endures feels the weight of its trouble. The soul that yields scarcely perceives it.

Blessed are those docile ones; they are those whom GOD selects to work for Him.

XXXI.

TO OBTAIN PEACE

Approach the Blessed Sacrament, O restless soul, in search of peace, and, humbly kneeling there, pour forth bravely, slowly, and with earnest desire, the following prayer:--

O JESUS, gentle and humble of heart, hear me!
From the desire of being esteemed,
From the desire of being loved,
From the desire to be sought,
Deliver me, JESUS.
From the desire to be mourned,
From the desire of praise,
From the desire of preference,
From the desire of influence,
From the desire of approval,
From the desire of authority,
From the fear of humiliation,
From the fear of being despised,
From the fear of repulse,
From the fear of calumny,
From the fear of oblivion,
From the fear of ridicule,
From the fear of injury,
From the fear of suspicion,
Deliver me, JESUS.

That others may be loved more than myself. JESUS grant this desire.

That others may be more highly esteemed.

That others may grow and increase in honor, and I decrease. JESUS, grant me to desire it.

That others may be employed, and I set aside. JESUS, grant me to desire this.

That others may attract the praise, and myself be forgotten.

That others may be preferred in all.

Grant me the utmost holiness of which I am capable, then let others be holier than myself. JESUS, grant me to desire it!

Oh, if GOD hearkens,--and hearken He surely will, if your prayer has been sincere,--what joy in your heart, what peace on your countenance, what sweetness will pervade your whole life!

More than half one's troubles arise from an exaggerated idea of one's own importance, and the efforts we make to increase our position in the world. Lacordaire says, that the sweetest thing on earth is to be forgotten by all, with the exception of those who love us. All else brings more trouble than joy; and as soon as we have completed our task here, and fulfilled our mission, the best thing for us to do is to disappear altogether.

* * * * *

Let us each cultivate carefully and joyously the portion of soil Providence has committed to our care. Let us never be hindered or distracted by ambitious thoughts, that we could do better, or a false zeal tempting us to forsake our daily task with the vain desire to surpass our neighbors.... Let this one thought occupy our minds. To do _well_ what is given us to do, for this is all that GOD requires at our hands. It may be summed up in four words,--simply, zealously, cheerfully, completely.

* * * * *

Then if we _are_ slighted, misunderstood, maligned, or persecuted, what does it matter? These injuries will pass away; but the peace and love of GOD will remain with us forever, the reward of our faith and patience. The love of GOD! Who can describe all the joy, strength, and consolation it reveals?

Never has human love, in its brightest dreams, been able to form any idea of all the sweetness the love of GOD imparts to the soul, and which is brought still nearer to us in the Blessed Sacrament.

I can well understand the words of a loving soul: "With heaven so near, and daily communion with our GOD, how can we ever repine!"

XXXII.

AFTER HOLY COMMUNION

OUR FATHER WHICH ART IN HEAVEN

O JESUS! it is Thou Who biddest me say, FATHER! _My Father!_ Oh how that Name rejoices my heart! _My Father!_ I can no longer feel alone; and whatever may happen to me this day, I feel I am protected, comforted, beloved.

JESUS! let me dwell on the sweetness of those words: _My Father!_ I need not lift my eyes to heaven, Thou art within me, and where Thou dwellest heaven must be.

Yes! heaven is within me! heaven with all its peace and love; and if I keep free from guile this day, my day will be one of heavenly joy, and in addition, the privilege of suffering for Thee.

HALLOWED BE THY NAME

To hallow Thy Name, O LORD, is to pronounce it with reverence and awe.

To-day I will pray more fervently, try to realize Thy Presence, Thy Goodness, Thy Love; and my heart shall be a sanctuary into which nothing shall penetrate that could be displeasing unto Thee.

To _hallow Thy Name_ is to call upon it fervently, to have it constantly upon my lips; above all, before taking an important step, when there are difficulties to be overcome, I will softly whisper the Invocation, which is the secret of all holy living! "JESUS, meek and humble of heart, have pity upon me."

THY KINGDOM COME

O JESUS, Thy kingdom is within my heart, reign there in all Thy sovereignty and power, reign there absolutely!

My King! what dost Thou require of me to-day? Thy commandments, my rule of life, my daily duties,--these are Thy commands that I will promise to obey; more than that, I will regard all in authority over me as Thine Ambassadors, speaking to me in Thy Name. What matters the tone or the harshness of the order?

What does it signify if some unexpected command upsets all my previous plans? It is Thy Voice I hear, Thou LORD, Whom I will obey always, and in all things.

Thy kingdom is also in the hearts of others; and there would I see Thee reigning. Then to whom can I speak of Thee this day? What counsels can I give? What moments may I seize, in which, without wounding the feelings, or parading my zeal, I may be allowed to speak a few words of piety? LORD, let me have the opportunity to help another to love Thee!

THY WILL BE DONE IN EARTH, AS IT IS IN HEAVEN

Yes, yes! Thy Will be done! Thy sweet all-perfect Will!

What wilt Thou send me to-day?

Humiliation? Provocation? Sufferings? A fresh rending of the heart? A disappointment? Shall I see myself misjudged, falsely suspected, despised? I accept beforehand all that Thou sendest me; and if through weakness I weep, suffer it to be so; if I murmur, check me; if I am vexed, correct me; if hopeless, encourage me.

Yes, yes! Let Thy sweet and holy Will be done!

Even, O LORD, if to glorify Thee, I must be humiliated, suffering, useless, and forsaken, still, LORD, stay not Thine Hand, I am wholly Thine.

GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD

How blessed, O LORD, to depend only upon Thee ... behold me, Thy child, waiting with outstretched hand to receive Thy benefits.

Grant me my temporal blessings,--clothing, nourishment, shelter ... but not too much of anything; and let me have the happiness of sharing my blessings with those poorer than myself to-day. Grant me the blessing of intelligence, that I may read, or hear one of those golden counsels that elevate the soul, and lend wings to the thoughts.

Grant me the loving heart, O my FATHER! that I may feel for a moment how I love Thee, and Thy love towards me; let me sacrifice myself for the welfare of another. Give me the Bread of Life, the Holy Eucharist! I have just received it, LORD! Grant me again ere long that great blessing.

And then, give all these blessings to those I love, and who love me!

FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES, AS WE FORGIVE THEM THAT TRESPASS AGAINST US

When I pronounce the word of pardon, what a weight seems lifted from my heart.

I will not only banish every feeling of hatred, I will efface every painful remembrance. O GOD, if Thou forgivest me, as I forgive others, what mercy for me!

Thou seest I bear no malice, that I forget all injuries....

I have been offended by _words_; I forget them; by actions, I forget them; by omissions, thoughts, desires; they are all forgotten.

Ah! in all these ways I have offended Thee, and Thou wilt forget, even as I have forgotten.

I will be very merciful, so that Thou mayst have mercy upon me.

LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION, BUT DELIVER US FROM EVIL

Now, as I leave Thine altar, I go to encounter temptation.

O SAVIOUR! help me, keep me, and warn me of my danger!

Let me shun all occasions of evil, and if by weakness or allurements I am led into paths of sin, if I fall, oh! rescue me speedily, that I may fall upon my knees, confessing my sin, and imploring pardon.

Sin! this is the evil from which I beseech Thee to deliver me; other troubles that may happen, I accept; they are sent to try me and to purify, and come from Thee; but sin, I have no pleasure in it! Oh! when in the hour of temptation I fall away, LORD, hearken to the cry that I now raise to Thee in all sincerity; I _will_ it not! it is not wilful! I go from Thy Presence, but, JESUS, Thou art with me! In work, in prayer, in suffering, let all be done in Thee!

XXXIII.

"Mother," asked a child, "since nothing is ever lost, where do all our thoughts go?"

"To GOD," answered the mother gravely, "who remembers them forever."

"Forever!" said the child. He bent his head, and, drawing closer to his mother, murmured, "I am frightened!"

Which of us have not felt the same?

XXXIV.

One more solemn thought: How old are you? Nineteen. Have you reckoned the number of minutes that have elapsed since your birth? The number is startling: nine millions, three hundred and thirty-three thousand, two hundred.... Each of those minutes has flown to GOD; GOD has examined them and weighed them, and for them you must give account.

Each minute bears its own impress (as a coin bears the impress of the Sovereign), and only those marked with the image of GOD will avail you for eternity.

Is not this thought one to make you tremble?

"I never could understand," writes Guerin, "the feeling of security some have that their works must find favor with GOD--as if our duties were confined to the narrow limits of this little world. To be a good son, statesman, or brother, is not all that is required of us; GOD demands far more than this from those for whom He has destined a crown of glory hereafter."

XXXV.

One great characteristic of holiness is never to be exacting, never to complain.

Each complaint drags us down a degree in our upward course.

By complaining, I do not mean the simple imparting of our troubles to others.

Complaint savors always of a little bad temper, and a slightly vindictive spirit.

* * * * *

The saints were never exacting.

Contented with their lot, they never desired anything that was withheld from them.

"I have asked," said a holy soul, "for something I thought needful; they have forgotten to answer me, or perhaps would not bestow it. Why need I be disquieted? If it were really necessary, GOD would quickly provide means to obtain it." How few could enter into this feeling; and yet it is but the echo of CHRIST'S own words, "Your FATHER in Heaven knoweth that ye have need of all these things."

XXXVI.

Joy in life is like oil in a lamp. When the oil gets low the wick is consumed, emitting a black vapor, and sending forth only a lurid glow, which does not give light.

A life without joy passes away unprofitably, shedding around it only gloom and sorrow.

If every morning in a simple prayer,--in those fifteen minutes' meditation (which only seem hard when we do not practise it),--we opened our hearts to GOD, as we open our windows to the sun and air, GOD would fill it with that calm, sweet joy which elevates the soul, prevents it feeling the weight of troubles, and makes it overflow with benevolence.

But joy does not mean levity, witty sayings, or repartee ... it is habitual serenity.

Through a clear atmosphere we can always see the sky; it seems so light and full of elasticity.

A serene sky is always pure ... clouds may pass across it, but they do not stain it.

So it is with the heart that early in the morning opens to receive GOD'S Peace.

XXXVII.

"You are never out of temper," was once said to a woman well known to be much tried at home; "is it that you do not feel the injustice, the annoyances?"--"I feel them as much as you do," she replied; "but they do not hurt me."--"You have, then, some special balm?"--"Yes; for the vexations caused by people, I have _affection_; for those of circumstances, I have prayer; and over every wound that bleeds, I murmur the words, 'Thy Will be done.'"

XXXVIII.

MY DAILY CROSS

If I have no cross to bear to-day, I shall not advance heavenwards.

A cross (that is, anything that disturbs our peace) is the spur which stimulates, and without which we should most likely remain stationary, blinded with empty vanities, and sinking deeper into sin.

A cross helps us onwards, in spite of our apathy and resistance.

To lie quietly on a bed of down may seem a very sweet existence, but pleasant ease and rest are not the lot of a Christian; if he would mount higher and higher, it must be by a rough road.

Alas, for those who have no daily cross!

Alas, for those who repine and fret against it!

* * * * *

WHAT WILL BE MY CROSS TO-DAY?

Perhaps that person, with whom Providence has placed me, and whom I dislike, whose look of disdain humiliates me, whose slowness worries me, who makes me jealous by being more beloved, more successful, than myself, whose chatter and lightheartedness, even her very attentions to myself, annoy me.

Or it may be that person that I think has quarrelled with me, and my imagination makes me fancy myself watched, criticised, turned into ridicule.

She is always with me; all my efforts to separate are frustrated; by some mysterious power she is always present, always near.

* * * * *

This is my heaviest cross; the rest are light in comparison.

Circumstances change, temptations diminish, troubles lessen; but those people who trouble or offend us are an ever-present source of irritation.

HOW TO BEAR THIS DAILY CROSS

Never manifest, in any way, the ennui, the dislike, the involuntary shudder, that her presence produces; force myself to render her some little service--never mind if she never knows it; it is between GOD and myself. Try to say a little good of her every day, of her talents, her character, her tact, for there is all that to be found in her. Pray earnestly for her, even asking GOD to help me to love her, and to spare her to me.

Dear companion! blessed messenger of GOD'S mercy! you are, without knowing it, the means for my sanctification, and I will not be ungrateful.

Yes! though the exterior be rude and repellent, yet to you I owe it that I am kept from greater sin; you, against whom my whole nature rebels ... how I ought to love you!

XXXIX.

Who is anxious for a beloved one's eternal welfare?

We interest ourselves for their success, their prosperity; we ask GOD to keep them from harm and misfortune; we try to start them well in the world, to make them of reputation, to procure them pleasure.

To spare them trouble, we sacrifice our own ease and enjoyment....

Oh, that is all very beautiful, very right; but what should we do for the soul?

Do we pray to GOD that this soul may become humble, pure, devoted?

Do we take as much pains to procure him the little devotional book that will really help him, as we should to obtain a transient pleasure?

Do we help him, unseen, towards that act of charity, humiliation, or self-renunciation? Have we courage not to spare the soul the trial that we know will purify?

Does it seem too hard for you?

Ah! then you do not know what real love is. Does not GOD love us? Yet GOD lets us suffer; even sends the suffering.

Love is given us to help us onwards, nearer to GOD. The most blessed is that which draws us nearest to Him; and in proportion as it leads to GOD we realize its blessedness.

The essence of true love is not its _tenderness_, but its strength, power of endurance, its purity, its self-renunciation.

The mistake we make is when we seek to be beloved, instead of loving. What makes us cowardly is the fear of losing that love.

Never forget this: A selfish heart desires love for itself; a Christian heart delights to love--without return.

XL.

To learn never to waste our time is perhaps one of the most difficult virtues to acquire.

A well-spent day is a source of pleasure. To be constantly employed, and never asking, "What shall I do?" is the secret of much goodness and happiness.

Begin, then, with promptitude, act decisively, persevere; if interrupted, be amiable, and return to the work unruffled, finish it carefully--these will be the signs of a virtuous soul.

XLI.

Are you full of peace? _Pray!_ Prayer will preserve it to you.

Are you tempted? _Pray!_ Prayer will sustain you.

Have you fallen? _Pray!_ Prayer will raise you.

Are you discouraged? _Pray!_ Prayer will reassure and comfort you.

XLII.

The young are seldom forbearing, because they so little understand the frailties of poor human nature.

Oh! if you could only witness the terrible struggles passing in the heart of that friend whose vivacity annoys you, whose fickleness provokes you, whose faults sometimes even make you blush....

Oh! if you saw the tears that are shed in secret, the vexation felt against self (perhaps on your account), you would indeed pity them. Love them! make allowances for them! never let them feel that you know their failings.

To make any one believe himself good, is to help him almost in spite of self to become so.

* * * * *

Forbearance is even _more_ than forgiveness; it is excusing, putting always the best construction upon everything; above all, never showing that some proceeding has wounded us; speaking of any one who has vexed us thus: "She did not think, else she would have acted differently; she never meant to pain me, she loves me too much; she was perhaps unable to do otherwise, and yet suffers at the thought of having displeased me."

For a wounded heart no balm is so efficacious as forbearance.

_To forbear_ is to forget every night the little vexations of the past day; to say every morning: "To-day I shall be braver and calmer than yesterday." Forbearance even sometimes leads us to detect in ourselves a little want of good nature, condescension, and charity.

_To forbear_ is not only freely to forgive, but to meet half-way, with extended hand, those who timidly ask for pardon.

XLIII.

My friend, do you know why the work you accomplish fails either to give pleasure to yourself or others?

It is because it is not cheerfully done, and therefore appears discolored.

A joyous heart amid our work imparts to duty a brilliancy that charms the eyes of others, while it prevents those feeling wounded who cannot perform it equally well.

Joy, with us, is like a lever, by which we lift the weights that without its help would crush us.

A workman once said: "If I were to leave off singing, I should be quite unequal to my business."

Then sing always; let your heart sing as in its earliest years.

The refrain of the heart, which perhaps never passes the lips, but which echoes in heaven, is this sentence:--

"I love and I am beloved!"

XLIV.

What regret we sometimes feel, after the death or departure of friends, at never having shown them the respect, the gratitude, we felt towards them, and how from the depths of our heart we are filled with tenderness and affection for them!

It may have been that at times we could not speak, because we thought too much of _how_ to say it.

Another time we lost the opportunity, because we were always shirking it. Deep devotion is sometimes a little erratic; always afraid of doing too little, doing it badly or inopportunely. Oftener still the tokens of affection are checked, because we think we could show it in some better way; we put off till brighter days the dreams we cherished, the sweet yearning to open the heart to the loved ones, and let them see for once what a large place they fill there.

Alas! the days fly past, suddenly comes death, or, sadder still, separation without hope of return, leaving the bitter thought: "Others will show them better than I have done, how dear, how valued, they are." Ah! when we can be loving _to-day_, never let us say, "I will love to-morrow;" when we have the opportunity of being grateful, never put off, for _one_ hour, the proof of our gratitude!

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