Chapter XX: Salvation by Christ

THE rest of the day was spent in retirement; and the following morning found her suffering from a severe headache, in consequence of the intense excitement of feeling through which she had passed. She sent a servant to inquire after Paul, and tried to find relief in sleep.

In the afternoon, her brother knocked at her door, and found her just about to leave her room. His face denoted unusual agitation and he said at once:

"I passed the entire morning in Paul's chamber. If he were to die before I see him again, I should hope he had found the mercy he needs in order to enter heaven."

"God be praised!" was her fervent ejaculation.

"I found him," Mr. Wallingford went on, "propped up on his couch, reading the fifty-first Psalm, large tears coursing down his cheeks.

"He looked up as I entered and holding out the blessed book, exclaimed:

"See, what I have found! Why have I never seen it before? It was written for me. No other man ever needed such words so much as I. Every syllable; every letter expresses my wants. Just hear what a plea this is. 'Have mercy upon me, according to thy loving kindness.' His kindness is infinite, else I should have been long ago cut off, 'therefore, according to thy infinite love and tenderness to the most vile and hardened of all thy creatures, so let thy mercy abound.'"

"Then here again. 'Hide thy face from my sins.' The thought that a holy God, who abhors sin to such a degree that he allowed his only Son to die on the cross to win men from its corrupt paths; has witnessed all the crimes of my whole life, has made me tremble before him. Yes, with my whole heart I can say, 'hide thy face from my sins.' 'Let not thine eyes of purity rest upon them;' and 'blot out all mine iniquities.'"

"When I came to that verse I asked myself, 'But how can a wise ruler do this? If the law is set aside, anarchy is at once established.' At this moment the mission of Christ as a mediator rushed into my mind with the vividness of a flash of lightning. He is the being, part human, part divine, who can mediate between the offended Judge, and his guilty subjects. With the name of this Mediator on our lips we can even dare to make a plea so bold! 'Cast me not away from thy presence, take not thine Holy Spirit from me?' 'Create in me a new heart,' this wicked heart which has been in all manner of uncleanness I loathe, I abhor. Create a new one, with holy desires, with pure affections, and renew a right spirit within me."

"I can scarcely give you an idea," continued the gentleman, after watching for an instant the gush of joyful tears which streamed down his sister's cheeks; "of Paul's fervor in repeating these petitions. 'Why, oh, why, did I never see that the way of salvation is so clear? I was blind indeed not to find it. Oh, the matchless love, and wisdom that formed the wondrous plan!'"

"He grew so pale at last that I thought he would faint, and called Pedro to give him medicine. 'You must sleep,' I said, 'and when you are rested I will come again.'"

Just at dusk Gertrude was hesitating whether to go to Paul's room lest he had already talked too much, when he sent a request to see her.

His chair was drawn near the western window, where the gorgeous rays of the setting sun were illuminating the entire horizon.

He pointed to a divan near him, and began at once:

"You will rejoice with me, dear friend. I begin to see things once invisible. I know what the name of Jesus means. I understand now what you meant when you prayed so long ago. 'Blessed Jesus, save him from the corruption of his own heart.' I have pondered on those words for hours; but they had little meaning to me. Now I realize his wondrous power. In his own body he carried my sins to the cross. He made atonement by his precious blood, one drop of which would have been enough to save me."

"And here I have been doubting his ability to wash me clean."

He looked in her face with a smile so full of heavenly joy, her assumed composure was overcome, and burying her head in her hands she wept freely.

"I knew you would rejoice," he went on, gazing tenderly at her bowed form. "You would not leave me to perish. You dragged me out of my pit and brought me where the light of heaven has shone upon me. You held up my Saviour and made me look upon him whom I had pierced."

At this moment the physician came in. He had not seen his patient for some days, and looked in wonder at the new expression on his once gloomy countenance.

Paul held out his hand with a smile. "You may count the beats in my pulse," he said; "and if you tell me this is my last night on earth, they will not vary in the least. I acknowledge my crimes and throw myself on the mercy of the Judge of all the earth. I have an Advocate who has promised to save me, one whose word has never failed."

"What does he mean?" queried the Doctor, wonderingly.

"It means, that whereas I was once blind, now I see. Whereas, I once loved sin and rolled it as a sweet morsel under my tongue, now I hate it and long to escape from it. In heaven I shall be free, and I long to be there."

"Your wish will soon be realized," murmured the Doctor, putting his ear down to the sick man's breast. "A week at farthest and you will have done with time."

"And eternity will have commenced," Paul added, clasping his hands.

But the physician's prophecy was not fulfilled. The very next day, Paul was so much worse, his kind friends gathered around his bed to bid him farewell. For the first time since their reunion he held Gertrude's hand in his, saying feebly, as he grasped it:

"Only this once;" then thanked her for all her forbearance and kindness. He earnestly reiterated his request for forgiveness, pleading; "The words are so sweet, so sweet."

Then he repeated the inspired command; "'Be not overcome of evil but overcome evil with good.' That is what you have done; what Christ has helped you to do; what he himself has done for me; good for evil; blessing for cursing."

Suddenly he requested all but Mr. and Mrs. Wallingford to leave the room, and pointing to a small box, asked Gertrude to take from, it a letter. Enclosed in a soiled, worn envelope, was the epistle she had written him, announcing the birth of a son, whom she had named Paul, for his father; and in which she plead with him to come home to a wife who loved and trusted him as well as ever.

"I did not receive it till after I got the paper from Edward," he explained, gasping. "I want you to keep it. It is the only treasure I have in the world; and if you are willing, tell our boy his father repented of his sins and trusted in the mercy of God through Christ. Tell him to make up to his mother for all the sorrow I have caused her. I shalt want to see him in heaven."

After awhile his distress became so great, Gertrude was wholly unnerved, and her brother led her from the room.

"He's just gone," the physician said, hearing the ominous rattle in his throat; but at this moment, the crisis came. A large ulcer, which had been forming on his lungs broke; and for a few moments he seemed to be suffocating. Then he fell back completely prostrated, and for an hour there was scarcely any sign of life.

But God's time had not yet come. Paul gradually rallied from this attack and enjoyed several months of comparative comfort, during which he gave good evidence of a radical change in heart and life. He remained with his friends until February, when they started for England; having made every arrangement for him to follow in June, if his life should be spared till that time.

The voyage he was well aware would be attended with great risk and fatigue; but there were objects and desires he yearned after. His parents for years had mourned him with a more bitter sorrow than if he had been laid beneath the sod. With his whole soul he longed to see them once more, and urge them to accept the only support which would comfort them when on the bed of death.

There was another wish, growing stronger every day, which he never had gained courage to mention; and which a consciousness of his past misdeeds reminded him that he did not deserve. But this he felt must be left with Him who ordereth all events for the best good of his children.