Chapter IV: Part 4

The middle of cats' eyes gets big in the dark and small in the light. Girls like cats. A cat goes up a tree frontwards and comes down backwards. They go up because they see a dog, and come down when the dog isn't looking. The more dogs a cat sees the bigger her tail gets. The cats in the Isle of Man don't have any tails, so they are not afraid of dogs.

Once we had a cat whose eyes got so big in the dark that you'd have been afraid if you hadn't known what it was. This was the same cat I saw in the garret. But, pshaw! I knew what it was right away soon as I got down!

That's all anybody knows about cats.

* * * * *

THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS.

UNCLE BOB. "What's the matter, Tommy? What makes you look so gloomy?"

TOMMY. "I don't think Santa Claus is a very sensible man. I'd think any one with as much sperience wouldn't give little boys pumps when their mammas wouldn't let 'em put any water in 'em."

* * * * *

THE CONCEITED COW.

A haughty cow unto a horse
Remarked, "Why cannot we,
And only we two, practise for
A dual jubilee?
My bass profound is faultless,
While your tenor tremulo
Is heavenly; and our duet
Would please our master so."
With pleading moo she urged her case,
Then sadly turned away,
For the horse looked up disdainfully,
And only answered "Neigh!"

* * * * *

"Oh, mamma!" exclaimed Bobby, "I've thought of the awfulest, dreadfulest thing. Suppose our chimney should catch fire Christmas eve?"

* * * * *

BOBBY. "Mamma, I don't want any fire in my room to-night."

MAMMA. "Why, you'll freeze."

BOBBY. "I don't mind being cold, but if you leave the fire burn, Santa Claus won't be able to come down the chimney."

* * * * *

JACK (_to friend on bicycle_). "What's your hurry; are you racing for a train?"

JOE. "No; I'm training for a race."

* * * * *

BOBBY TAKES TO JOKING.

BOBBY. "I don't see why they talk about the 'Forty Thieves' in the _Arabian Nights_."

MAMMA. "Why not?"

BOBBY. "'Cos they acted like sixty."

* * * * *

End of Project Gutenberg's Harper's Round Table, December 24, 1895, by Various