Chapter XII (3)

"Yes, it is," replied the passenger; "and surely the company must think a good deal of you both to keep you so long."

"Well, I've done honest work, and they know that, but I'm doubtful about how much they think of us. It was only the other day that the mule took sick, and the company got a doctor for the mule, and docked me for the time I lost. I dun'no', though; guess it was all right. Getting off here? Well, good-day, sir."

* * * * *

George Washington Jones, a colored gentleman, was sad, very sad. He was a kalsominer when he had work to do, but, as he expresses it,

"Dem dere white trash hab gone into de trade, an' now Ise got no work to do." But this was not what made him sad. "Dis yere life," he said, "am not wuth livin'."

"What's the matter, George," inquired his friend.

"Why, Ise got a little money on dat last job, an' Ise went round to settle de bills Ise owed."

"Didn't you attend to it all right?"

"Dat's de strange part of it. De butcher he wuz out, an' de grocer he wuz out, an' every one Ise wanted ter pay wuz out, an' den what'd I do but lose dat money."

"Well, that was unlucky, and no mistake; but still you showed your good intentions, and no doubt they won't press their claims."

"Press dere claims! Yah, dat's de trouble. When Ise got 'ome Ise found ebery one of dem waitin' to press dere claims, an' as Ise couldn't fix dem, dey done an' fixed me."

* * * * *

A STRIKING LIKENESS.

Miss Susan is an exceedingly refined young lady who has seen some five summers. She is full of airs and of graces, reserved, self-contained, and decidedly uppish. She cut her uncle dead in the street one day, and when he reproached her for her extreme hauteur, she said, with her most pronounced society manner,

"Oh, I saw you, uncle, but I thought it was auntie!"

* * * * *

There is an Irish porter employed in a large commission house in New York, one of the kind that will make a witty reply to any sort of question. He is very fond of expressing his views in general, and has great admiration of his arguments. If he fails to get a listener he will talk to himself in lieu of something better. A member of the firm being annoyed one day at his constant muttering, which he was unfortunate enough to hear, sent for him.

"See here, John, did it ever occur to you that your constant talk and muttering is a great annoyance to people that happen to be around? Why on earth do you chatter away to yourself, anyhow?"

"Shure I have two reasons fer doin' that."

"Two reasons! Well, what are they?"

"One of them is that I loike ter talk to a sinsible man, and the other is that I loike ter hear a sinsible man talk."

* * * * *

A RULE THAT DIDN'T WORK BOTH WAYS.

"What's your name?" said the new school-teacher, addressing the first boy on the bench.

"Jule Simpson," replied the lad.

"Not Jule--Julius," said the teacher. And addressing the next one, "What is your name?"

"Billious Simpson, I guess."

And the new teacher had to rap for order.

* * * * *

Teddy brought a green caterpillar in from the garden the other day, and showing it to his mother, he exclaimed, "I've got a big worm, mamma, but he ain't ripe yet!"

* * * * *

ALFRED'S DISCOVERY.

ALFRED. "This is a funny sort of an ice-cream-freezer, mamma."

MAMMA. "Why so, Alfred?"

ALFRED. "Because it freezes the ice-cream, and then goes and lets it melt."

* * * * *

BOBBY (_pointing to a fish jumping out of the water_). "Mamma, see that fish playing leap-frog!"

End of Project Gutenberg's Harper's Round Table, September 1, 1896, by Various