Chapter V: Preface (5)

"There, that will do. He'll come to after awhile," he remarked, "but he will do no more mischief at present. You chivalrous little jackass," he continued, turning to Gray, who was wiping the blood from his face, "I saw you throw away your stick when we first caught sight of you. It's lucky you weren't killed. Of course you couldn't help fighting under these circumstances, but if you ever get caught with a beast like that again, don't ever try fair prize-ring methods with him. It is only in books that the nice young man thrashes two or three toughs bigger than himself in a square fight. These chaps know how to fight just as well as you; what is more, they know how to fight foul, and always do if they get a chance. Just remember, now, if you ever have to tackle this kind of cattle again, cut him right over with your stick. Paste him under the ear for keeps."

"If this isn't just my luck!" said Gray, looking ruefully at the blood on his handkerchief. "Here have I been longing and praying for this sort of an opportunity, and when it comes, by Jove, I get a thundering licking and another fellow comes along and saves me and the girl both. Hang it, Charlie, I could have held on to him until she got away."

"Too bad," laughed Rivers, "I beg your pardon. I didn't think. I ought to have let you get killed or gouged for her and glory, oughtn't I? Come, cheer up, old man, you did a great deal more than I, and deserve all the favors. Let's go back and see her."

They walked back to Holworthy and the fair _casus belli_. The latter had paused in her flight on the arrival of the reinforcements, and with natural curiosity and anxiety had watched the fray from a distance. As her rescued rescuer and his rescuer came up, she held out her hand to Rivers, and uttered her gratitude in nervous broken sentences.

She expressed much sympathy for Gray.

SERIOUS SITUATIONS IN BURLEIGH'S ROOM.[1]

[Footnote 1: This farce is printed by the kind permission of the Hasty Pudding Club for which it was originally written.]

SCENE:--Room of Hudson, Burleigh, and Co. (Co. being Topsy, the terrier).

Burleigh seated in easy chair, legs stretched towards fire, back to table, dog in lap, reading and smoking long pipe.

_Hudson_ [_from his bedroom_]. Oh, Ned!

_Burleigh._ Hullo?

_Hud._ Aren't you going to the Assembly to-night?

[_Enter Hudson from bedroom putting on evening coat._]

_Burl._ [_without looking up_]. Did you ever know me to go to more than one Harvard Assembly? Don't ask foolish questions.

_Hud._ Well, don't you be such a lazy lummox. [_Going to looking-glass._] Really, Ned, you ought to go out more among decent people.

_Burl._ Yes. I have such a good time when I do. At the last and only party in Boston to which I ever went, I knew just one girl, and spilled ice-cream on her dress. After holding up the wall for an hour and a half, and finding it impossible to get you or any one else to come back to Cambridge with me, I started home alone in Riley's cab. Mr. Riley felt in a sporting mood as usual, and insisted on racing an electric car. We broke down at Central Square. It was snowing hard and the walk home in patent leathers was lovely. When I got home, of course, I found that my keys were chained to my other trousers, and I busted the bags I had on in climbing through the ventilator over the door. I dropped on the rocking-chair and the pup both at once, and then found there was nothing to drink in the book-case. Oh, I enjoyed the last Assembly thoroughly. I think it would be fun to go again. Ugh!

_Hud._ Very few ever go to a party for pleasure, my dear boy. It is a duty that you owe to yourself. If you never go to balls, you will never know how to behave in a ballroom. When you have learned to do that, why then you needn't go to balls.

_Burl._ That is logical.

_Hud._ It is also a duty that you owe society.

_Burl._ Society can have my share of the supper, and call it square.

_Hud._ Well, now look here, Ned, I want you to go in to the Assembly to-night for a particular reason, besides your own civilization.

_Burl._ I won't go. What is your reason?

_Hud._ My mother and sister have come on to Boston and are going to be at the ball to-night, and I want you to meet them.

_Burl._ Why didn't you say that in the first place? But, Steve, aren't you going to have them out here pretty soon? I can meet them then.

_Hud._ [_emphatically_]. No, sir. Not if I know it, until I can be sure of keeping out all the duns and sporting gentry who are apt to call unexpectedly. Numerous acquaintances, whom I do not care to have my good mother meet, might drop in to a little five o'clock tea. I shall probably get my quarter's allowance before long, and then I can chain up the Furies for a while, and have my family out here with an easy mind. That bull mick Shreedy is gunning for me just at present, and if my mother knew I owed money to a prize-fighter she would never get over it.

_Burl._ Well, won't it do if I go in to-morrow and call?

_Hud._ No, I promised them that you would be there to-night, and they will be awfully disappointed if you're not. They are naturally anxious to know my chum as soon as possible.

_Burl._ Then they will be awfully disappointed if I _am_ there. You know perfectly well, when I talk to a girl at a party, what a painful ordeal it is for both of us. You ought not to spring me on your sister under such conditions. It's unfair to me and a poor joke on her.

_Hud._ Oh, don't be such a bashful ass. You can do well enough if you try. My sister knows that you hate parties, and will appreciate your coming. Now, do promise me, there is a good fellow.

_Burl._ Well, I suppose I shall have to. But, Steve, I haven't time to dress for this thing to-night.

_Hud._ Nonsense. You have plenty of time to dress. How long does that operation generally take you?

_Burl._ Three quarters of an hour to dress, and an hour and three quarters to tie my cravat. I think I shall have to get one of those nice store cravats that come all tied, and strap on with a buckle.

_Hud._ Yes, get a pretty satin one with pink rose-buds on it. Oh, I shouldn't be surprised to see you turn up in anything. [_Putting on hat and overcoat._] I tell you what it is, Ned, if you continue to shun all feminine society you will soon become an unmitigated boor.

_Burl._ I am at college, thanks, and prefer it. I shall have plenty of time to take up feminine society, as you call it, after I graduate.

_Hud._ You will be a cub, and society won't take _you_ up. Now, old man, it is awfully good of you to come in on my account to-night, so don't back out,--and make yourself look as much like a gentleman as you can. Come in as early as possible. [_Exit Hudson._]

_Burl._ [_sol._]. Why the deuce does a fellow want to go chasing into Boston, when he has only four years of this sort of thing. Steve does not half appreciate college. However, I suppose if his family [_Taking photograph from table_] is going to be there, I ought to go in. It is only decent. [_To photograph._] So, Miss Hudson, you and I are going to meet, eh? Oh, what a fool you will think me! Now, if I could only look at you without trying to talk. Steve is right, though; I ought to cure myself of this fool shyness and awkwardness before the other sex, or I deserve to be called an ill-bred cub.

[_Knock at hall door._]

Come in! [_Puts down photograph hastily._]

[_Enter Jack Randolph in long coat and rubber boots._]

_Randolph._ Hullo, Ned! Did I leave my umbrella in here the other day?

_Burl._ It is a pretty good one, isn't it? No, I guess I haven't seen it.

_Rand._ [_Taking a cross-handled umbrella from beside fireplace._] Lucky you haven't.

_Burl._ Oh, while I think of it, here is that X I owe you [_pulling bill out of pocket_].

_Rand._ Good man! Marvellous memory! Remembered the wrong end of a debt. I am glad you did, for I am devilish hard up just at present. [_Taking cigar from mantel-piece._]

_Burl._ So is everybody at this time of year. This is a great sacrifice on my part.

_Rand._ Don't give it to me now. Keep it until to-morrow, won't you? [_Lights cigar._]

_Burl._ Better take it while you can get it. I shall have spent it next time we meet. Why don't you want it now?

_Rand._ Well, I will take it, just to relieve you. I haven't anything on but this ulster, which is not a good thing to put money in. You see, I am going round to a dress rehearsal at the Pudding.

_Burl._ Oh, that is why you are all bundled up on this clear night. Let us see your dress.

_Rand._ No, you will see it soon enough at the show to-morrow night. Where is Steve?

_Burl._ Gone in town to trip in the mazy.

_Rand._ The habitual dude! Oh, of course, the first Harvard Assembly comes off to-night. If it was not for this rehearsal I would go in and do the butterfly myself. What would hire you to go there, Charlie?

_Burl._ Give me back that ten dollars and I will go.

_Rand._ I don't believe you would; but I'd give you the ten dollars if I could be there to see you.

_Burl._ Well, if it will please you to know it, I _am_ going in.

_Rand._ What! You going to a party! What has happened?

_Burl._ [_with dignity_]. Nothing. It is a duty that I owe to myself and society. If a man never goes to balls he will never know how to behave in a ballroom.

_Rand._ [_with derisive laughter_]. That is pretty good from you. Steve has evidently been giving you a lecture. Come now, Ned, choke that off and tell me honestly what is up.

_Burl._ Nothing, I tell you. If a man shuns all polite society, he will become an unmitigated boor.

_Rand._ If you don't drop that second-hand stuff of Hudson's, and tell me who the girl is, by Jove, I'll tell every man in college about it, and it shall be a very amusing story before I get through with it, I promise you.

_Burl._ Well, you see--er--Steve's mother is going to be there and he wants me to meet her.

_Rand._ Oho! That is it, is it? Steve's _mother_ is going to be there. Ha-ha-ha, that is pretty weak, old fox. I suppose, of course, there is no chance of _Miss_ Hudson being there too. Well, if she is half as pretty as her photograph, I don't blame you for going in. Egad, though, Ned, I would like to see you talking to her.

_Burl._ I have no doubt you would, sweet me child, but you won't. That is just where the best point of this funny joke comes in. While I am talking to Miss Hudson, you will be out here, at the rehearsal, getting sworn at. "Go over that chorus again." "Randolph, you're out of step."

_Rand._ Damn the rehearsal. Never mind, Miss Hudson will probably be on here for some time, and I shall get another chance of meeting her. When I do, I will make a particular point of cutting you out. You won't be in it, even if you are her brother's chum.

_Burl._ [_getting up_]. You are talking too much. Come now, run along. I have got to dress.

_Rand._ I wish I had time to watch you do it. I don't believe you have put on a claw-hammer coat since you've been up here, except for club dinners.

_Burl._ Oh, go round to your rehearsal. You will be late.

_Rand._ [_going to hall door_]. If it doesn't begin on time, I'll come back here and help you untangle your neck-tie. Don't make yourself too pretty. Leave me some chance with Miss H. [_Exit._]

_Burl._ Jack is too fresh to-night. Come, pup. [_Picks up Topsy and exits into bedroom._]

[_Enter a certain Prof. Shreedy (unattached to the University.) He softly closes door after him, and knocks on inside_].

_Burl._ [_from bedroom_]. Come in.

_Shreedy_ [_aside_]. I will. [_Calls_] Is Mr. Hudson in, I dunno?

_Burl._ [_putting his head out of his bedroom_]. Hullo, is that you, Shreedy? No, Mr. Hudson is not in, and he won't take any sparring lesson to-night any way.

_Shreedy_. Well, I just come to see him about a little matter of business, see? Maybe you might----

_Burl._ No I mightn't. There is not a dollar in the firm, Shreedy, anywhere. Hudson has gone in town. I can't give you a cent, and if you don't get out of here pretty quickly, I may have to borrow a car fare from you. Call again next week. Good evening, and get out. [_Slams door._]

_Shr._ Ain't he getting pretty flip? The lippy dude! Maybe he thinks he can put me off that way. Hudson gone in town, ah, rats! What an old gag. I'll wait round awhile, 'cause I got to have that money to-night. I'll lay for him in this other room, that's what I'll do, and nab him when he comes in. [_Helps himself to two or three cigars and goes into Hudson's bedroom._]

[_A soft knock on door, then enter Mrs. and Miss Hudson._]

_Mrs. Hudson._ Well, this is strange, I should think Steve would have taken more care to meet us here.

_Miss Hudson._ Perhaps he has just gone out for a minute.

_Mrs. H._ He ought to have been on the lookout for the carriage, and not compelled us to come up here after waiting twenty minutes at the door.

_Miss. H._ He may not have received your telegram.

_Mrs. H._ And has gone in town to meet us there? Good gracious! I hope not. Well, we will wait a little while and see. But it is rather awkward for two ladies to be visiting a college room in the evening in this way, even if I am the mother of the occupant.

_Miss H._ I think it is lots of fun. What a jolly room he has. I wish I were a boy.

_Mrs. H._ Under the present circumstances, my dear, I wish so too. He _has_ arranged his room pretty well for a man.

_Miss H._ Now, let us look at all his things. We will begin with the mantel-piece.

[_They both turn toward mantel, backs to room._]

[_Enter Burleigh from his bedroom in evening trousers, no coat or waistcoat, and four or five white cravats in his hand. Without seeing the visitors, he crosses the room to the looking-glass, which hangs on the wall opposite the fireplace, where the visitors are standing._]

_Burl._ [_to himself_]. Now for the great agony. Oh, life is very short for this sort of thing. If Steve's family could only see me tying my cravat, they would realize what devotion--[_Suddenly sees women in the glass and starts._] Good Lord! [_Turns head slowly and looks at Mrs. and Miss H. whose backs are still turned._] Oh, what in Heaven's name shall I do? I can't get back to my room. Ha! the screen! [_Dives behind a tall screen near the glass._]

_Miss H._ Look at all these pipes! And what a horrid smell of tobacco!

_Mrs. H._ I see that Steve's chum, Mr. Burleigh, smokes.

_Burl._ [_aside over screen_]. And Jack Randolph just made the horrid smell with one of Steve's weeds.

_Miss H._ [_finding on the mantel-piece a champagne bottle marked "aetat 21"_]. Oh, look at this!

_Burl._ [_aside over screen_]. Now she has got hold of the memento of Steve's birthday. What next?

_Mrs. H._ [_putting on glasses and taking bottle_]. Hm! I suppose that Mr. Burleigh also drinks. I hope my son does all in his power to restrain his comrade.

_Miss H._ I am so glad we are going to see the great Ned Burleigh at last. Steve says he is so interesting--such a _funny_ old bird.

_Burl._ [_aside_]. Damn him!

_Mrs. H._ I wonder where they are. One of them must be around, for they would not both go away, and leave their light burning. We cannot wait much longer.

[_Enter Hudson, hurriedly._]

_Hud._ Forgot my gloves, of course, and had to come back. Hullo, mother! why, how did you two get here?

_Mrs. H._ Didn't you get my telegram?

_Hud._ Telegram? No, I suppose the boy will leave it, on his way to breakfast, in the morning.

_Mrs. H._ We had to come out to Cambridge to a dinner at Prof. Fullaloves, and thought we would stop on the way back with the carriage, and take you boys into the Assembly. I telegraphed you this afternoon.

_Hud._ Well, it is lucky I came back. Have you been here long? Have you seen Ned Burleigh?

_Miss H._ Your chum? No.

_Hud._ That is good. He must have started in. If you had dropped in on Ned all alone here, he would have had twenty Dutch fits.

_Miss H._ Now, Steve, before we go, you must show us all your things. [_Picking up photographs from mantel-piece_] Why, who are these?

_Hud._ Those, er--oh--ah--those--yes. Those are some of my chum's relations. [_Aside_] Ned will forgive me for the emergency.

_Burl._ [_aside over screen_]. Well, I'll be----

_Mrs. H._ I thought those were not yours, dear.

_Miss H._ They are all in costume, aren't they.

_Hud._ Yes, yes, private theatricals, you know. The Burleighs are all great on private theatricals.

[_Enter Prof. Shreedy from Hudson's bedroom._]

_Shr._ [_aside_]. Begob, I have him now.

[_Aside to Hud._] Mr. Hudson!

_Hud._ [_turning_]. What! The devil! Shreedy! What do you want here? [_Takes him down to front._]

_Shr._ A little matter of business. Look here, cully, I want dat ten dollars you owe me for sparrin', dat's what I want. Better let me have it and not make a fuss before de ladies, see?

_Burl._ [_aside, over screen_]. Hurray, bind on Steve. Serves him right.

_Hud._ I haven't ten dollars, Shreedy. I haven't a cent. Now, do clear out, and I'll see you some other time about it.

_Shr._ Naw, some other time won't do.

_Hud._ I can't talk to you now before my family. It is bad enough to have them see you round here at all.

_Shr._ Dat's all right. Tell 'em I'm your chum. Just watch me do the nobby. [_Smirks and waves his hat at ladies._]

_Hud._ [_aside_]. Oh, this is awful!

_Mrs. H._ Stephen, who is this person?

_Hud._ [_aside_]. There is no other way out of it. I can explain later [_aloud_.] This, mother, is my dear old chum, Edward Burleigh.

_Burl._ [_aside over screen_]. By gad!

_Mrs. H._ Ah, indeed, I am delighted to meet you, sir. I feel that we are old friends, already, Mr. Burleigh. I have heard so much of you.

_Shr._ Oh, yes, me and Steve is great chums, ain't we, Steve, old boy? [_slaps Hudson on the back._] [_To Hud._] Put me on to de young one.

_Miss H._ [_aside to Mrs. H._]. Oh, Mamma, he is awful. How could Steve choose such a man to room with!

_Mrs. H._ Steve always said he was awkward with ladies, you know. Perhaps he will improve on acquaintance.

_Shr._ [_to Miss H._]. Pleased to meet you, ma'am. How is the state of your health? 'T ain't often we see such a daisy out here, is it Steve? [_To Hud._] Oh, I can say perlite things to a lady. You needn't be afraid, I won't disgrace yer!

_Hud._ [_aside_]. How long will this last?

_Mrs. H._ [_to Hud._]. Well, my son, I must say, your chum seems hardly the retiring, bashful young man you have always represented him to be.

_Hud._ Oh, he is, he is. That's--er--that is just what is the matter. His shyness takes this form, you see. He is really awfully embarrassed, and--er--tries to pass it off in this way.

_Mrs. H._ Curious forms of shyness.

_Hud._ Yes, very. It will pass off soon, and you will like him better when the ice is broken.

_Shr._ [_to Miss H._]. Ain't that a nobby dress you got on!

_Mrs. H._ I should think the ice was at least badly cracked already.

_Hud._ [_aside_]. I must get them out of here. [_Aloud_.] Come, do let us start for the Assembly.

_Mrs. H._ Well, dear, we have an extra seat in the carriage, and if Mr. Burleigh would like to come, we will wait for him to dress. [_To Shreedy_] Won't you come with us, Mr. Burleigh?

_Hud._ [_breaking in_]. No--no--no! Ned never cares----

_Shr._ Why, sure. I'd be tickled to death. I am wid you easy. Let's go right away.

_Miss H._ Don't you want to dress?

_Shr._ What will I dress for? Begob, I can dance just the way I am as well as the next man. Wait till you see me take de flure. Oh, I'm a dandy on me toes [_illustrates by a few steps_].

_Hud._ [_aside_]. Oh, this is too much. I shall have to tell the truth.

[_Knock on door._]

There!! _Come in!_

[_Enter Randolph, still in his ulster, with the umbrella and smoking the cigar._]

_Rand._ Well, Ned, how is----. Oh, I beg pardon! [_Starts to back out; Hudson rushes across and seizes him._]

_Hud._ Randolph! Thank Heaven! Come here. [_Takes him aside._] Jack, have you any money with you? As you love me, Jack, let me have it.

_Rand._ What the deuce is the matter? I have ten dollars in this coat, but I need it.

_Hud._ Oh, kind Providence has taken care of its own! Let me have it, I tell you. [_Randolph gives him the ten-dollar bill. Hudson rushes to Shreedy._]

_Rand._ Here is a nice position. Is Steve crazy?

_Hud._ [_aside to Shr._]. Here, you damned blackmailer. Here's your money. Now get out, and don't let me see you here again.

_Shr._ Well, I should have enjoyed the party, but I need the money, so I'll go. [_To the others_] Ladies, I'm very sorry, but I find I have a sudden engagement, so I can't keep company wid you to de ball to-night. I'm all broke up about it, but I hope I'll see you again. Be good to yourselves. Good-by. Good-by, Hudson, ta-ta.

[_Exit Prof. Shreedy._]

_Mrs. H._ Why, Steve, what is the matter?

_Hud._ I will explain to you some other time. Let me present Mr. Randolph, mother, and my sister. Mr. Randolph is one of my best friends. I _owe_ him a great deal. Are you going in to the Assembly, Jack?

_Rand._ [_decidedly embarrassed_]. No, I can't. There is a dress rehearsal at the Pud; a _dress_ rehearsal, you know, and I must go right round to it now. I just came in for a moment. If you will excuse----

_Hud._ Oh, nonsense! Stay a little while. Take your coat off.

_Rand._ [_aside to Hud._] Shut up, you jackass!

_Miss H._ [_looking at Randolph's rubber boots_]. Is it raining, Mr. Randolph?

_Rand._ [_uneasily_]. No, no, not yet, no, but it looks like rain.

_Miss H._ Why, the stars were all out beautifully a moment ago.

_Rand._ Yes--er--they--er--the stars? [_With a noble effort_] Ah, yes, yes, the stars _were_ out, yes. But, er--they--er--they may go in again, you know. [_Aside_] What rot I am talking!

_Hud._ Well, it is not going to rain in here, anyway. Do take off your ulster and stay a minute.

_Rand._ Really, Steve, I'd like to, but that _dress rehearsal_, you know.

_Hud._ Oh, let the rehearsal wait. We are going in town in a moment, anyway.

_Mrs. H._ Don't leave us, Mr. Randolph.

_Miss H._ [_at mantel-piece_]. Steve, of whom is this a picture?

_Hud._ [_turning_]. Why, that is Jack himself in the last play.

_Mrs. H._ Oh, do let me see it. [_Goes to fireplace. Hudson, Miss H., and Mrs. H. stand at mantel with backs to room._]

_Burl._ [_from over the screen to Randolph_]. For Heaven's sake, Jack, hand up that ulster!

_Rand._ [_seeing him_]. What in the name--what are you doing there?

_Burl._ [_in a nervous and irritated undertone_]. Confound it, man, I haven't any clothes on. Give me the ulster, quick!

_Rand._ Hurray! Up a tree, are you? You'll talk to her while I am at the rehearsal, will you? I told you that when I met her you wouldn't be in it.

_Burl._ Give me the coat, Jack; do, there's a good fellow.

_Rand._ I'll be hanged if I will!

_Hud._ [_to his mother and sister_]. Here is Ned's room. I expect it is a chaos just at present. [_They move to door of Burleigh's bedroom, backs still to the rest of the room._]

_Burl_. Come round here. [_Steps from behind the screen, and pulls Rand. behind_.]

Rand. [_from behind_]. All right, just for a minute. You promise to give it back. [_Burl. comes out from behind screen, with ulster on. Rand's head appears over screen_.]

_Burl_. I'll see. [_Walks towards others. Ladies turn_.]

_Mrs. H_. Pardon me, Mr. Randolph----Oh!

_Burl_. Allow me to present myself, Mrs. Hudson----

_Hud_. Ned Burleigh!

_Burl_. Quite right, this time. I am Steve's chum.

_Mrs. H_. Why, Stephen, I don't understand.

_Burl_. [_to Hud., severely_]. I do.

_Mrs. H_. Will you explain this?

_Burl_. Yes, I think you had better.

_Hud_. [_putting on a bold front_]. Well, you see, mother, it was just a little joke on Ned. Just a little joke, that is all. [_Forces a laugh_.]

_Miss H_. Then the other was not your chum?

_Burl_. Most certainly not.

_Mrs. H_. Well, I don't understand it yet. However, I am very much relieved to meet the real Mr. Burleigh.

_Miss H._ Mother, I think we had better start for the Assembly.

_Mrs. H._ Where is Mr. Randolph?

_Burl._ Oh, he has just gone out.

_Miss H._ He must have left rather abruptly.

_Burl._ Yes, Jack Randolph has very queer manners. You see, he is awfully bashful.

_Rand._ [_to Burl. over the screen_]. Here, give me back that ulster.

_Burl._ [_aside to Rand._]. I'll be hanged if I will. Who is in it now, eh?

_Hud._ Well, let us be going.

_Mrs. H._ Will you come with us, Mr. Burleigh?

_Burl._ I will follow you in later. I will go down with you to the carriage.

_Hud._ Well, come along.

_Rand._ [_over the screen_]. That is a low trick. [_Reaches for Burl. with handle of umbrella three times; at third attempt screen falls over and Rand. flat on top of it--in short ballet dress and pink tights. His moustache, rubber boots, and decidedly masculine arms and legs make an excellent effect with the garb of a premiere danseuse. Ladies shriek._]

_Mrs. and_}
_Miss H._ } Mr. Randolph!

_Steve._ Jack!

_Rand._ [_nervously spreading umbrella in front of his legs_]. I--I _beg_ your pardon. Please excuse my--my _deshabille_. [_To Hud., savagely_] I told you I was going to the dress rehearsal. [_Kicks Burleigh aside_] I'll get even with you, Ned.

_Mrs. H._ Well, Steve, this has been an exciting visit. Does a college room often furnish such incidents?

_Hud._ Well, it's all the fault of----

_Hud._ }
_Burl._ } My awful chum!

A HARVARD-YALE EPISODE.

"I'm off for New Haven to-morrow," Rattleton announced as he dropped into Holworthy's room, where several of the "gang" were sitting. "Going to sojourn two days in the Land of Eli."

"You are, eh?" said Burleigh. "Well, you'll have a rattling good time down there."

"A '_smooth_' time, you mean," corrected Rattleton. "Don't you know how to talk Elic yet?"

"I beg pardon," said Burleigh. "When you get back I suppose you will refer to the Porc as your 'spot,' and if any of us who are not members asks you anything about it you will cut him dead."

"Don't make any breaks down there about queer pins and extraordinary buildings," said Stoughton.

"They _are_ funny about those things, aren't they?" replied Rattleton. "But I have no doubt they can laugh just as much at us about lots of things."

"Of course they can," asserted Holworthy. "_Vide_ the Dickey. That institution is quite as absurd as anything they do down there."

"Nonsense, Hol," protested Stoughton; "whoever thinks up here of taking the Dickey seriously,--except, perhaps, a few Sophomores who are fools and snobs enough to be either cocky about getting on it or sore about being left off. And as for awe and reverence, if there is any such feeling at all towards the Dickey, it is confined to less than a tenth of the Freshman class. What Senior ever cares two snaps about it one way or the other?"

"That may be known well enough to us," answered Holworthy, "but what does an outsider think when he sees Harvard men making such asses of themselves, as those do who are running for the Dickey. Don't you suppose it looks pretty childish."

"For instance," asked Hudson, "if he saw a handsome and accomplished gentleman holding a horse and dog-cart--as I did for you--while a low-down mucker goes in to call on the handsome gentleman's best girl--as you did for me?"

"That was good for you," laughed Holworthy.

"Or if he saw as I did," added Burleigh, "a dignified swell, named Hollis Holworthy, kissing all the babies he met on the street."

"Or a large and portly person," rejoined Hollis, "lying on his back in the public square at Concord, and telling sympathetic citizens that he was pierced by a British musket-ball. And then running in the dead of night from Concord to Lexington, dressed in a continental uniform, banging on the door of every farm-house with the butt of a musket until he brought out the alarmed householder and told him that the regulars were coming."

"Who made me do it?" retorted Burleigh.

"I acknowledge I had a hand in it," answered Holworthy. "I am confessing, not defending. _De gustibus Sophomoris non est disputandum._ But that is no excuse. At Yale they don't disgrace their college that way at any rate."

"They may have a lot of poppycock about their mysterious societies that seems ridiculous to us," said Rattleton, "but they don't trouble anybody else with it. Any way, they are good fellows, and they always give you a royal time when you visit down there."

"Yes, they do, my child," Burleigh assented in a serious tone. "Remember that you represent the dignity of the 'Oldest and Greatest.' Take care that they do not make a painful exhibition of our boy."

"Ned knows," chuckled Hudson. "No one has ever been able to find out exactly what happened to him when he stayed down there after the ball-game last year. He came back, looking like the last hours of an ill-spent life, with a confused story about some Yale beverage named 'Velvet' and a wonderful loving cup with no bottom, and a great many handles."

"Hush your idle scandal," said Burleigh. "Who are you going to stay with, Jack?"

"A first-rate fellow named Sheffield," answered Rattleton.

"What!" exclaimed Hudson, "Joe Sheffield?"

"Yes, do you know him?"

"Wow!" yelled Stoughton. "Does Steve know him! Mr. Hudson, do you know Mr. Sheffield?"

"Shut up, Dick," said Hudson; "you promised not to tell that."

"I never promised anything of the kind," declared Dick. "I had almost forgotten it, but I am glad I am reminded. All your friends ought to know about it, Steve. I am sure they would be pleased."

"Hold on!" said Hudson, "if that yarn is going to be told, I prefer to tell it myself. There is no sting in a clean breast."

"Go ahead then," said Stoughton. "I'll see that you tell it straight. Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."

"It was down at Bar Harbor, last summer," Hudson began. "I was spending two weeks with this man, Stoughton, who lives there in summer. Next to his place there was, er--there was--er----"

"A girl," interjected Dick, putting in the spur.

"Yes, there was, and an awfully pretty one, too," declared Hudson, defiantly. "If you will kindly refrain from interrupting, I can do this thing myself. What I was going to say was this: alongside of Dick's place, there was another place, and a most attractive one. There was a beautiful view from the piazza of this house----"

"_On_ the piazza," corrected Stoughton.

"Who is telling this story?" demanded Hudson. "Shut up and let me tell it my own way. I used to go over to look at this view every day," he continued; "so did this Yale man, Joe Sheffield. I used to know Joe at St. Mark's, and liked him very well, but it was rather a nuisance to see him at that house so much. Really he overdid it; why, I used to find him every time I went there. Finally I made up my mind that the duel was on, and I'd see who was the better man. Of course this was purely in a sporting spirit, you understand; I only felt it my duty to beat Yale, that was all."

"Careful, careful," murmured Dick, warningly. "Remember,--the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."

"At first I tried sitting him out by fair means," Hudson went on, paying no attention to Stoughton's side remark; "but the persistent bore outsat me every time. He'd let me set the pace and do all the talking, and then come in with a fresh wind on the finish and do me up. But early in the struggle a powerful ally presented himself, the girl's small brother, Freddy. He asked me one day why Sheffield wore that funny little pin all the time. I have forgotten now which pin it was; but it was the symbol of some particularly 'smooth' and secret band of brothers, and of course Sheffield was never without it. I had been yearning to jab him on his pin; but I knew I couldn't pretend to be innocent about it, and it would have been a little too rude to deliberately and openly make him uncomfortable. I told Freddy that I thought the pin had something to do with a club at Yale, but I had no idea why Mr. Sheffield always wore it. I suggested that he might ask Mr. Sheffield himself. It was a mean trick, but I couldn't resist it. Freddy said he would, and I knew he was just the boy to do it too. Freddy was of an inquiring and tenacious turn of mind, and never dropped a research on any subject until he had found out all there was to be learned,--he was a very fine little fellow.

"A little while after that, we three were sitting as usual on the piazza, when my young ally came running up; as soon as he saw us he sang out in his delightful, eager, childish way, 'Oh, Mr. Sheffield, I want you to tell me something.' Sheffield, pleasant as punch, said, 'What is it Freddy?' You ought to have seen him when Freddy said, 'I want to know why you always wear that funny little pin?'

"Sheffield tried to pretend in the weakest way that he didn't hear him. The big sister told Freddy to run away and play; but Freddy was not the lad to be bluffed that way. He laughed in a knowing way and said, 'Ha-ha, I know. It's got something to do with some club at Yale, hasn't it? You have got some secret about it, haven't you? But _I'll_ find it out. Nell has secrets too, but I always find 'em out.'

"Hereupon his sister told him that if he didn't mind her, and stop making a nuisance of himself, she'd tell his father and have him punished. He said he wasn't making a nuisance of himself and appealed to me. 'Mr. Hudson always tells me all about the Harvard clubs, don't you, Mr. Hudson?'

"I assured him that I didn't mind any such questions at all, and told him (Heaven forgive and preserve me!) that if he would come and see me at Cambridge I would make him have a first-rate time, and show him the clubs to which I belonged.

"'There,' he said, 'you don't think I'm a nuisance either, do you, Mr. Sheffield? Isn't there a club at Yale called the Skull and Keys? I know there is, 'cause I once heard Nell say she wondered how----'

"His sister grabbed him and said 'Stop' so severely that she managed to choke him off for a moment. But it had got too hot for Joe. He suddenly remembered that he had an engagement at three, at the Kebo Valley Club, and retreated, leaving the Crimson to wave alone and victorious over the field.

"Then how that girl did go for Freddy! He went off almost crying. I tried to stand up for the little man, and remarked how ridiculous the Yale men were about their societies. She didn't agree with me very heartily. She said it was a relief to see some young men take at least something seriously, and intimated that she didn't believe Harvard men were ever serious about anything, or had any reverence in them. So for half an hour I dilated on our great merits, and explained what worthy young men we really are.

"Next day I tried to 'set' Freddy on again, but it was no use; he had been temporarily sat on. I was lunching at their house, and for a wonder Sheffield wasn't there. I asked Freddy whether he had found out about Mr. Sheffield's club yet. He said 'No, and I can't either. Nell told on me, and Popper said he'd spank me if I troubled older people any more. I didn't trouble anybody, did I, Mr. Hudson? I said you had told me yourself to ask Mr. Sheffield about his pin, and Nell said you----'

"I never knew what his sister had said about me, because, just at this point, the old gentleman banged the table and roared, 'You eat your lunch, sir!' and Freddy subsided.

"A day or two after that, we all went on a picnic. Even Dick, the old hermit, came along, for a wonder. I persuaded his family it wouldn't be polite for him to stay home, as I was his guest."

"Yes," put in Dick, "you were my guest and I was responsible for your behavior. It wasn't the etiquette that worried my family, it was the danger of the thing. Besides, I wanted to see you and Joe Sheffield making fools of yourselves. You did it too, both of you. Go ahead. I won't interrupt you again."

"We all piled into those delightful long buckboards with four or five seats, and drove to the foot of one of the mountains. There is only one defect in the architecture of a Mt. Desert buckboard. It holds three on a seat. Sheffield had to shove himself in on the same seat with the pretty neighbor, so I got in on the other side of her. I did most of the talking during the drive."

(At points such as this during the narrative, Hudson would stop and violently puff his cigar, while Stoughton would hug himself gleefully, and show other signs of delight.)

"We carried the lunch up the mountain," Hudson went on, "and ate it, along with the ants and other things, on the summit. After lunch Sheffield managed to drop me, somehow, and I went off for a smoke with Dick. I consulted with Machiavelli Stoughton, as to how I might again cast down the man from Yale. I knew the crafty Dago could help me, if any one could. Dick wished for Freddy, for Dick always knew how to use that interesting child; but Freddy had been left weeping at home. Dago Mac' came up to his form, though. He suddenly pointed to a cluster of brilliant wild flowers. I said, 'Yes, very pretty. What about 'em.' Then Dick said 'Do you see that broad rock this side of them?' It was a smooth slab that reached from the path, about twenty feet, down to where the flowers grew. It slanted at a good steep angle, so that a man could barely walk down it, with rubber-soled shoes. I didn't get much inspiration out of the rock. Then Dick showed me a blackberry vine, or some sort of a bramble, that ran across the face of the rock a little more than half way down it. Still I couldn't see what he was driving at. He said to come along and he'd show me. We went to the basket where the remains of the lunch had been stowed, and Dick took what was left of the butter. Then we went back to the rock and the Dago greased as much as he could of it, just above the bramble. 'Now,' he said, 'when we start back for the buckboard, you fall in alongside of Sheffield and the enchantress. When you get to this rock, the method is very simple,--you show the flowers, Eli will do the rest.'

"At last I took in at a glance all the grand possibilities of the scheme. I remembered that Joe Sheffield was very particular about his appearance, and was dressed up to the hilt. He was always sensitive about his clothes. I fell upon Dick's neck and wept tears of gratitude. Then we went back to the rest of the party. Sheffield had had a monopoly the whole afternoon."

"A corner in Paradise?" suggested Burleigh.

"Exactly," said Hudson, "or perhaps Paradise in a corner. They didn't turn up until we had shouted for ten minutes and the party had all started down the mountain. I ranged up alongside of the pair, thereby breaking up the Paradise trust, and we three brought up the rear. When we got to the point in the path, just above the prepared rock, I called attention to the flowers, with great art. Of course she said: 'Oh, how perfectly lovely! Oh, I must have some of those!' and of course away we both jumped. I let Sheffield get a little ahead and then went carefully around the rock. He bounded gallantly down the face of it until he struck the butter. Then he sat down with a dull, sickening thud;--but he didn't stop there. He glided merrily on, over the blackberry vine, and in among the seductive flowers. He sat still for a minute, and I knew the situation had dawned on him with all its hideous uncertainties. Then he turned himself round, face to the path, and got up carefully and slowly, with a sort of sideways motion. He didn't attempt to pick any flowers. There was a great deal of sympathy expressed above, and inquiries as to whether he was hurt. Meantime I had arrived safely, picked the whole cluster of flowers, and brought them back in triumph. Sheffield followed me up, and when we moved on, he dropped in behind; he acknowledged the path was too narrow for three.

"On arriving at the foot of the mountain, he leaned up against a big tree, while the buckboards were being manned. The poor girl seemed to be very much worried about him; unnecessarily so, I thought. He assured her that he was not in the least hurt, but he stuck to the tree nevertheless. There was a bird's nest up in the tree, and I heard Dick ask Sheffield to climb up and see if there were any eggs in it, to oblige the ladies. I helped the girl into the backboard and climbed in beside her. After every one else had got aboard, the last seat, with Dick, was good enough for Sheffield. I ran the Paradise industry, without competition, all the way home. There seemed to be a certain hitch in it, however, for she kept wondering whether Sheffield was hurt. The bunch of wild flowers dropped out on the way, and Dick and I both jumped out and chased it; Sheffield didn't even turn around to see what had fallen. I slapped Dick on the back as we were picking up the flowers and said: 'She must have an opinion of his manners.' Great Scott! that was all I knew about it!"

Here Stoughton went through the hugging pantomime for the fourteenth time.

"She didn't seem to be very grateful when I brought those flowers back, and wouldn't talk much all the way home. She said she was sure Sheffield was hurt, and all on her account. When we arrived she asked him to dinner. He stayed in the buckboard and drove to his hotel to dress. She didn't ask me to dinner, and, by Jove, she left those flowers over which I had taken so much trouble in the buckboard! I was very grateful to the flowers, nevertheless."

"Well, I don't see where the joke on you comes in," said Holworthy, as Hudson paused.

"Neither did I," answered Hudson. "I thought, in fact, that I had been pretty clever about the whole affair, until--until," he went on, gathering force by the repetition, "_until the engagement was announced_! By Jove!" hurling his cigar butt into the fireplace as the recollection grew on him, "that man and that girl had been engaged all summer; for a week I had been playing smart Alec and steady number three, making her hate the sight of me, while the Yale man was undoubtedly all the time laughing in his sleeve at seeing me make a fool of myself."

"Go on," commanded the relentless Stoughton. "Go on, there is an epilogue,--or do you want me to tell it?"

"No, I'll do the whole thing," said Hudson, humbly. "When Dick and I went round to call after the announcement, and congratulate Sheffield, my little friend Freddy came running into the room. 'Oh, Mr. Hudson,' he shouted, 'isn't it fun! Now we know why Nell got so mad about my bothering Joe. Joe's very nice, but really I would rather have had you, and I told her so.'"

"That wasn't all he said," remarked Dick, "but I'll let you off the rest. I'll hold it over you for future occasions."

When Rattleton returned from New Haven a few days later, he announced at the table that his friend Sheffield was coming up for Class Day, with his _fiancee_. He had sent a special message to Hudson to say that they were going to bring Freddy, because Freddy was crazy to see Harvard, and Hudson had promised to show him all over college and take him into all the clubs.

"Whew!" whistled Hudson; "d---- that horrid little boy."

THE DAYS OF RECKONING.

June, June, beautiful, glowing, fascinating June, no doubt thou art tired of hearing thy charms sung by lovers more eloquent than I, but forgive this outburst from one who has known thee in the shades of Cambridge. Never art thou more seductive than where the old walls and stately elm trees trace their cool outlines on the turf of the Yard, where the earnest, eager students, prone on the greensward, blow upon blades of grass between their thumbs, and bet on sparrow fights and caterpillar races. The tennis-courts are alive; there are ball games on Holmes' Field, and the river winding through the green-flowing meadow (the tide being high and the mud covered) is dotted with swift-gliding shells. In the long-fading twilight the bright-beflannelled and straw-behatted groups sit upon the fences, and lounge about the streets, trying to screw up enough energy to disperse to their rooms, and study for the--FINALS.

Ah, June, that is the one worm i' the bud of thy beauty! It is hard, indeed, to eschew the racquet and the oar; to go over to the Library at an early hour and hunt up Story on the _Constitution_, or Dana's _Wheaton_, or Ruskin's _Stones_; to find it seized, and promised to five other men before yourself; to seek a retired alcove less hot than the rest of the drowsy place, and there, taking off your coat, to doze over a volume until four o'clock, when the reserved books may be taken out; then to carry a huge book over to your room, and with an awakening cigar, grind until dinner-time; to go at it again in the evening when the scent of early summer drifts through the open window, together with the singing and laughter of some inconsiderate jackass who has finished his examinations, or does not care whether he gets through them or not. Hard is all this, but still, oh, June, I would woo thee again in those shades even in that wise; for, perchance, I might finish my examinations early and then would I enjoy life to its fullest, and make it miserable for my less fortunate friends. I would join with those who had also finished their work, and we would have a grand reaction. We would urge the others to join us on the river and the tennis-courts; we would sing in the Yard of evenings, and the free would put their heads out of window and cry "More! More!!" while the still grinding slaves would cry "Shut up!" and other things that I should grieve to hear and will not state; and if haply we sat upon the steps of Matthews or of Holworthy, or any where within range, these same scurvy slaves would throw pitchers of water and other things, even eggs kept for the purpose, until we untrammelled souls betook ourselves elsewhere. Then would we go to the "pop" concert, or the Howard Athenaeum, or other abode of intellectual rest; and after that we would sup with great mirth. We would found a recuperating club for weary minds, and as each friend threw off the yoke and joined us, we would receive him with becoming ceremonies. Oh! the last week before Class Day is well worth the pains of the other three.

"What is so rare as a day in June!" carolled Hudson joyfully, as he danced into his room and thumped Burleigh on the back.

"One in February," growled that portly gentleman, "there are two less of 'em in the year. Now look here; if you are going to kick up a row because you are all through, just get out of here, and make your ill-timed noise somewhere else."

"Don't be so sour. Hullo, Lazy Jack; these be hard times for you, old Butterfly. How many more have you got?"

"Five," sighed Jack. "Pol. Econ. 23, Fine Arts, Freshman English, and two entrance conditions."

"Great Scott! The way of the transgressor _is_ hard."

"Clear out of here," commanded Burleigh. "I am coaching this man Rattleton, and I don't want any interruption in my private tutoring. Get out," and Ned hove a dictionary at his exuberant room-mate.

"Oh, if you are laboring with Jack, I won't interfere with the good work of the Rattleton Rescue Mission," said Hudson, dodging the dictionary and taking himself off to irritate some one else.

Ned Burleigh was never in such a mood about his own examinations. He was one of the few men for whom those trials had no terrors. None of his friends could tell exactly when he did work for an examination; it might have been at 4 A.M. on the same morning after a supper; it might have been on the train during an inter-exam. excursion to Newport, or on a cat-boat cruise in the harbor. Yet he had never failed. He used to say that to know too much about a course made the examinations mere drudgery, but that when there was an uncertainty, then there was some sport in the struggle, some excitement as to whether you could throw the paper or the paper would throw you. That was all very well for him, who generally "ragged a B." and never got "flunked," but it was a dangerous attempt for most men to follow his example.

This year, however, Ned was devoting himself to Jack Rattleton. It was a serious case with Jack, for he had any number of conditions to work off, so many, in fact, that every one was rather astonished at his attempt to retrieve his degree, and at the unwonted, desperate efforts of Lazy Jack. It was a forlorn hope, and the betting was heavily against him. Under any circumstances Ned Burleigh would have done all he could to help poor Jack pull through, but, added to his unselfish interest in his friend, were pride in his pupil and the fact that he had taken some of the long odds against him. Nor could Jack have found a better coach in the most high-priced tutor in Cambridge. With a thorough knowledge of the courses he had taken, Ned combined a knowledge of the presiding minds in those courses, and, moreover, he understood perfectly the science of passing an examination.