Chapter I: Front Matter

HER LADYSHIP'S ELEPHANT

By DAVID DWIGHT WELLS. With cover by WM. NICHOLSON, 10th Impression. 12mo. $1.25.

A very humorous story, dealing with English society, growing out of certain experiences of the author while a member of our Embassy in London. The elephant's experiences, also, are based on facts.

_The Nation_: "He is probably funny because he cannot help it.... Again and again excites spontaneous laughter, is such a boon that its author must consent to be regarded as a benefactor of his kind without responsibility."

_New York Tribune_: "Mr. Wells allows his sense of humor to play about the personalities of half a dozen men and women whose lives, for a few brief, extraordinary days, are inextricably intertwined with the life of the aforesaid monarch of the jungle.... Smacks of fun which can be created by clever actors placed in excruciatingly droll situations."

_Philadelphia Times_: "As breezy a bit of fiction as the reading public has lately been offered. Amusing from the first page to the last, unique in conception, and absolutely uproarious in plot."

_New York Commercial Advertiser_: "A really delicious chain of absurdities which are based upon American independence and impudence; ... exceedingly amusing."

_Outlook_: "Full of amusing situations."

_Buffalo Express_: "So amusing is the book that the reader is almost too tired to laugh when the elephant puts in his appearance."

HENRY HOLT & CO. New York.

HIS LORDSHIP'S LEOPARD

_A TRUTHFUL NARRATION OF SOME IMPOSSIBLE FACTS_

BY DAVID DWIGHT WELLS _Author of "Her Ladyship's Elephant"_

NEW YORK HENRY HOLT AND COMPANY 1900

Copyright, 1900, BY HENRY HOLT & CO.

WARNING!

The ensuing work is a serious attempt to while away an idle hour. The best criticism that the author received of "Her Ladyship's Elephant" was from an old lady who wrote him that it had made her forget a toothache; the most discouraging, from a critic who approached the book as _serious literature_ and treated it according to the standards of _the higher criticism_.

The author takes this occasion to state that he has never been guilty of writing literature, serious or otherwise, and that if any one considers this book a fit subject for the application of the higher criticism, he will treat it as a just ground for an action for libel.

If the _minimum opus_ possesses an intrinsic value, it lies in the explanation of the whereabouts of a Spanish gunboat, which, during our late unpleasantness with Spain, the yellow journalists insisted was patrolling the English Channel, in spite of the fact that the U. S. Board of Strategy knew that every available ship belonging to that nation was better employed somewhere else.

Should this _expose_ ruffle another English see, so much the worse for the Bishop.

CONTENTS.

PART I.

_AMERICA_.

CHAPTER I.

PAGE

IN WHICH CECIL BANBOROUGH ACHIEVES FAME, AND THE "DAILY LEADER" A
"SCOOP" 3

CHAPTER II.

IN WHICH CECIL BANBOROUGH ATTEMPTS TO DRIVE PUBLIC OPINION 18

CHAPTER III.

IN WHICH CECIL BANBOROUGH DRIVES A BLACK MARIA 36

CHAPTER IV.

IN WHICH THE BLACK MARIA RECEIVES A NEW INMATE 54

CHAPTER V.

IN WHICH THE PARTY RECEIVES A NEW IMPETUS 72

CHAPTER VI.

IN WHICH THE BISHOP OF BLANFORD RECEIVES A BLACK EYE 92

CHAPTER VII.

IN WHICH A LINE IS DRAWN AND CROSSED 107

CHAPTER VIII.

IN WHICH A LOCKET IS ACCEPTED AND A RING REFUSED 131

PART II.

_ENGLAND_.

CHAPTER I.

IN WHICH MRS. MACKINTOSH ADMIRES JONAH 151

CHAPTER II.

IN WHICH THE ENEMY ARRIVES 173

CHAPTER III.

IN WHICH PEACE IS PROPOSED AND WAR DECLARED 198

CHAPTER IV.

IN WHICH THE BISHOP IS ABDUCTED 222

CHAPTER V.

IN WHICH THE BISHOP EATS JAM TART, AND MISS MATILDA HUMBLE-PIE 250

CHAPTER VI.

IN WHICH MISS ARMINSTER PROPOSES TO MARRY AGAIN 269

CHAPTER VII.

IN WHICH MISS ARMINSTER VERIFIES THE PROVERB 288