Chapter V: Personal Letters--Social and Friendly (1)

INVITATIONS AND ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

_General Directions_

The format of an invitation is not so important as its taste. Some of the more formal sorts of invitations--as to weddings--have become rather fixed, and the set wordings are carried through regardless of the means at hand for proper presentation. For instance, one often sees a wedding invitation in impeccable form but badly printed on cheap paper. It would be far better, if it is impossible to get good engraving or if first-class work proves to be too expensive, to buy good white notepaper and write the invitations. A typewriter is, of course, out of the question either for sending or answering any sort of social invitation. Probably some time in the future the typewriter will be used, but at present it is associated with business correspondence and is supposed to lack the implied leisure of hand writing.

The forms of many invitations, as I have said, are fairly fixed. But they are not hallowed. One may vary them within the limits of good taste, but on the whole it is considerably easier to accept the forms in use and not try to be different. If the function itself is going to be very different from usual then the invitation itself may be as freakish as one likes--it may be written or printed on anything from a postcard to a paper bag. The sole question is one of appropriateness. But there is a distinct danger in trying to be ever so unconventional and all that. One is more apt than not to make a fool of one's self. And then, too, being always clever is dreadfully hard on the innocent by-standers. Here are things to be avoided:

Do not have an invitation printed or badly engraved. Hand
writing is better than bad mechanical work.

Do not use colored or fancy papers.

Do not use single sheets.

Do not use a very large or a very small sheet--either is
inappropriate.

Do not have a formal phraseology for an informal affair.

Do not abbreviate anything--initials may be used in informal
invitations and acceptances, but, in the formal, "H. E. Jones"
invariably has to become "Horatio Etherington Jones."

Do not send an answer to a formal invitation in the first
person.

A formal invitation is written in the third person and must be
so answered.

Do not use visiting cards either for acceptances or regrets
even though they are sometimes used for invitations. The
practice of sending a card with "Accepts" or "Regrets" written
on it is discourteous.

Do not seek to be decorative in handwriting--the flourishing
Spencerian is impossible.

Do not overdo either the formality or the informality.

Do not use "R.S.V.P." (the initials of the French words
"Repondez, s'il vous plait," meaning "Answer, if you please")
unless the information is really necessary for the making of
arrangements. It ought to be presumed that those whom you take
the trouble to invite will have the sense and the courtesy to
answer.

In sending an evening invitation where there are husband and wife, both must be included, unless, of course, the occasion is "stag." If the invitation is to be extended to a daughter, then her name is included in the invitation. In the case of more than one daughter, they will receive a separate invitation addressed to "The Misses Smith." Each male member of the family other than husband should receive a separately mailed invitation.

An invitation, even the most informal, should always be acknowledged within a week of its receipt. It is the height of discourtesy to leave the hostess in doubt either through a tardy answer or through the undecided character of your reply. The acknowledgment must state definitely whether or not you accept.

The acknowledgment of an invitation sent to husband and wife must include both names but is answered by the wife only. The name of a daughter also must appear if it appears in the invitation. If Mr. and Mrs. Smith receive an invitation from Mr. and Mrs. Jones, their acknowledgment must include the names of both Mr. and Mrs. Jones, but the envelope should be addressed to Mrs. Jones only.

FORMAL INVITATIONS

Wedding invitations should be sent about three weeks--certainly not later than fifteen days--before the wedding. Two envelopes should be used, the name and address appearing on the outside envelope, but only the name on the inside one. The following are correct for formal invitations:

_For a church wedding_

(A)

_Mr. and Mrs. John Evans
Request the Honour of_
---- (Name written in)
_Presence at the Marriage of Their Daughter
Dorothy
and
Mr. Philip Brewster
On the Evening of Monday, the Eighth of June
at Six o'Clock
At The Church of the Heavenly Rest
Fifth Avenue, New York City_

(B)

_Mr. and Mrs. John Evans
Request the Honour of Your Presence at
The Marriage of Their Daughter
Dorothy
and
Mr. Philip Brewster
On Monday, June the Eighth
At Six o'Clock
At the Church of the Heavenly Rest
Fifth Avenue, New York_

_For a home wedding_

_Mr. and Mrs. John Evans
Request the Pleasure of_
---- (Name written in)
_Company at the Marriage of Their Daughter
Dorothy
and
Mr. Philip Brewster
On Wednesday, June the Tenth
At Twelve o'Clock
Five Hundred Park Avenue_

Or either of the forms A and B for a church wedding may be used. "Honour of your presence" is more formal than "pleasure of your company" and hence is more appropriate for a church wedding.

It is presumed that an invitation to a home wedding includes the wedding breakfast or reception, but an invitation to a church wedding does not. A card inviting to the wedding breakfast or reception is enclosed with the wedding invitation. Good forms are:

_For a wedding breakfast_

_Mr. and Mrs. John Evans
Request the Pleasure of_
---- (Name written in)
_At Breakfast on Tuesday, June the Fourth
at Twelve o'Clock
500 Park Avenue_

_For a wedding reception_

_Mr. and Mrs. John Evans
Request the Pleasure of Your Company
At the Wedding Reception of Their Daughter
Dorothy
and
Mr. Philip Brewster
On Monday Afternoon, June the Third
At Four o'Clock
Five Hundred Park Avenue_

_For a second marriage_

The forms followed in a second marriage--either of a widow or a divorcee--are quite the same as above. The divorcee uses whatever name she has taken after the divorce--the name of her ex-husband or her maiden name if she has resumed it. The widow sometimes uses simply Mrs. Philip Brewster or a combination, as Mrs. Dorothy Evans Brewster. The invitations are issued in the name of the nearest relative--the parent or parents, of course, if living. The forms are:

(A)

_Mr. and Mrs. John Evans
Request the Honour of Your Presence
At the Marriage of Their Daughter
Dorothy
(Mrs. Philip Brewster)
to
Mr. Leonard Duncan
On Thursday, April the Third
At Six o'Clock
Trinity Chapel_

(B)

_Mr. and Mrs. John Evans
Request the Honour of Your Presence
At the Marriage of Their Daughter
Mrs. Dorothy Evans Brewster
to
Mr. Leonard Duncan
On Thursday, April the Third
At Six o'Clock
Trinity Chapel_

If there are no near relatives, the form may be:

(C)

_The Honour of Your Presence is Requested
At the Marriage of
Mrs. Dorothy Evans Brewster
and
Mr. Leonard Duncan
On Thursday, April the Third
At Six o'Clock
Trinity Chapel_

In formal invitations "honour" is spelled with a "u."

_Recalling an Invitation_

The wedding may have to be postponed or solemnized privately, owing to illness or death, or it may be put off altogether. In such an event the invitations will have to be recalled. The card recalling may or may not give a reason, according to circumstances. The cards should be engraved if time permits, but they may have to be written.

Convenient forms are:

(A)

_Owing to the Death of Mr.
Philip Brewster's Mother,
Mr. and Mrs. Evans beg to
Recall the Invitations for
Their Daughter's Wedding on
Monday, June the Eighth._

(B)

_Mr. and Mrs. John Evans beg to Recall
The Invitations for the Marriage of
Their Daughter, Dorothy, and Mr. Philip
Brewster, on Monday, June the Eighth_

_Wedding announcements_

If a wedding is private, no formal invitations are sent out; they are unnecessary, for only a few relatives or intimate friends will be present and they will be asked by word of mouth or by a friendly note. The wedding may be formally announced by cards mailed on the day of the wedding. The announcement will be made by whoever would have sent out wedding invitations--by parents, a near relative, or by the bride and groom, according to circumstances. The custom with the bride's name in the case of a widow or divorcee follows that of wedding invitations. An engraved announcement is not acknowledged (although a letter of congratulations--see page 101--may often be sent). A card is sent to the bride's parents or whoever has sent the announcements. The announcement may be in the following form:

_Mr. and Mrs. John Evans
Announce the Marriage of Their Daughter
Dorothy
to
Mr. Philip Brewster
On Monday, June the Tenth
One Thousand Nineteen Hundred and Twenty-Two_

_Replying to the invitation_

The acceptance or the declination of a formal invitation is necessarily formal but naturally has to be written by hand. It is better to use double notepaper than a correspondence card and it is not necessary to give a reason for being unable to be present--although one may be given. It is impolite to accept or regret only a day or two before the function--the letter should be written as soon as possible after the receipt of the invitation. The letter may be indented as is the engraved invitation, but this is not at all necessary. The forms are:

_Accepting_

Mr. and Mrs. Frothingham Smith
accept with pleasure
Mr. and Mrs. Evans's
kind invitation to be present
at the marriage of their daughter
Dorothy
and
Mr. Philip Brewster
on Monday, June the twelfth
at twelve o'clock
(and afterward at the wedding breakfast)

Or it may be written out:

Mr. and Mrs. Frothingham Smith accept with pleasure Mr. and
Mrs. Evans's kind invitation to be present at the marriage of
their daughter Dorothy and Mr. Philip Brewster on Monday, June
the twelfth at twelve o'clock (and afterward at the wedding
breakfast).

_Regretting_

Mr. and Mrs. Frothingham Smith
regret exceedingly that they
are unable to accept
Mr. and Mrs. Evans's
kind invitation to be present
at the marriage of their daughter
Dorothy
and
Mr. Philip Brewster
on Monday, June the twelfth
(and afterward at the wedding breakfast)

Or this also may be written out. The portion in parentheses will be omitted if one has not been asked to the wedding breakfast or reception.

_For the formal dinner_

Formal dinner invitations are usually engraved, as in the following example. In case they are written, they may follow the same form or the letter form. If addressed paper is used the address is omitted from the end. The acknowledgment should follow the wording of the invitation.

(A)

_Mr. and Mrs. John Evans
Request the Pleasure of_
Mr. and Mrs. Trent's
_Company at Dinner
On Thursday, October the First
at Seven o'Clock
and Afterward for the Play (or Opera, etc.)_
_500 Park Avenue_

(B)

_Mr. and Mrs. John Evans
Request the Pleasure of
Mr. and Mrs. Trent's
Company for Dinner and Opera
on Thursday, October the First
at Seven o'Clock_

_Accepting_

Mr. and Mrs. George Trent
accept with much pleasure
Mr. and Mrs. Evans's
kind invitation for dinner
on Thursday, October the first,
at seven o'clock
and afterward for the opera
788 East Forty-Sixth Street

_Regretting_

Mr. and Mrs. George Trent
regret that they are
unable to accept
the kind invitation of
Mr. and Mrs. Evans
for dinner and opera
on Thursday, October the first,
owing to a previous engagement.
788 East Forty-Sixth Street

_For a dinner not at home_

_Mr. and Mrs. John Evans
Request the Pleasure of
Mrs. and Miss Pearson's
Company at Dinner
At Sherry's
on Friday, March the Thirtieth
At Quarter Past Seven o'Clock_
_500 Park Avenue_

_Accepting_

Mrs. Richard Pearson and Miss Pearson
accept with much pleasure
Mr. and Mrs. Evans's
very kind invitation for dinner
at Sherry's
on Friday, March the thirtieth
at quarter past seven o'clock
640 West Seventy-Second Street

_Regretting_

Mrs. Richard Pearson and Miss Pearson
regret exceedingly that they
are unable to accept
Mr. and Mrs. Evans's
very kind invitation for dinner
at Sherry's
on Friday, March the thirtieth
owing to a previous engagement to
dine with Mr. and Mrs. Spencer
640 West Seventy-Second Street

Or the reply may follow the letter form:

_Accepting_

640 West Seventy-Second Street,
March 16, 1920.

Mr. and Mrs. Richard Pearson accept with pleasure
Mrs. John Evans's kind invitation for Friday evening,
March the thirtieth.

_Regretting_

640 West Seventy-Second Street
March 16, 1920.

Mr. and Mrs. Richard Pearson regret sincerely their inability
to accept Mrs. John Evans's kind invitation for Friday
evening, March the thirtieth.

These acknowledgments, being formal, are written in the third person and must be sent within twenty-four hours.

_Dinner "to meet"_

If the dinner or luncheon is given to meet a person of importance or a friend from out of town, the purpose should appear in the body of the invitation, thus:

_Mr. and Mrs. John Evans
Request the Pleasure of
Mr. and Mrs. Trent's
Company at Dinner
on Thursday, November the Ninth
at Eight o'Clock
to Meet Mr. William H. Allen_

_To a formal luncheon_

_Mrs. John Evans
Requests the Pleasure of
Miss Blake's
Company at Luncheon
To meet Miss Grace Flint
on Tuesday, March the Fourth
at One o'Clock
and Afterward to the Matinee_
_500 Park Avenue_

_Accepting_

Miss Blake
accepts with pleasure
Mrs. Evans's
very kind invitation for luncheon
on Tuesday, March the fourth
at one o'clock
to meet Miss Flint and to go
afterward to the matinee
232 West Thirty-First Street

_Regretting_

Miss Blake
regrets that a previous engagement
prevents her from accepting
Mrs. Evans's
very kind invitation for luncheon
on Tuesday, March the fourth
at one o'clock
to meet Miss Flint
and to go afterward to the matinee
832 West Thirty-First Street

_For the reception_

Afternoon receptions and "At Homes" for which engraved invitations are sent out are practically the same as formal "teas."

An invitation is engraved as follows:

_Mr. and Mrs. John Evans
At Home
Wednesday Afternoon, September Fourth
from Four until Half-Past Seven o'Clock
Five Hundred Park Avenue_

These cards are sent out by mail in a single envelope about two weeks or ten days before the event.

The recipient of such a card is not required to send either a written acceptance or regret. One accepts by attending the "At Home." If one does not accept, the visiting card should be sent by mail so that it will reach the hostess on the day of the reception.

Where an answer is explicitly required, then the reply may be as follows:

_Accepting_

Mrs. John Evans
accepts with pleasure
Mrs. Emerson's
kind invitation for Wednesday afternoon
November the twenty-eighth

_Regretting_

Mrs. John Evans
regrets that she is unable to accept
Mrs. Emerson's
kind invitation for Wednesday afternoon
November the twenty-eighth

Mrs. John Evans
regrets that she is
unable to be present at
Mrs. Emerson's
At home on Wednesday afternoon
November the twenty-eighth

_Reception "to meet"_

(A)

_Mrs. Bruce Wellington
Requests the Pleasure of
Mrs. Evans's
Presence on Thursday Afternoon, April Fifth
to Meet the Board of Governors
of the
Door-of-Hope Society
from Four-Thirty to Seven o'Clock_

_Accepting_

Mrs. John Evans
accepts with pleasure
Mrs. Wellington's
kind invitation to meet
The Board of Governors
of the
Door-of-Hope Society
On Thursday afternoon, April fifth

_Regretting:_

Mrs. John Evans
regrets that a previous engagement
prevents her from accepting
Mrs. Wellington's
kind invitation to meet
The Board of Governors of the Door-of-Hope Society
On Thursday afternoon, April fifth

_Mr. and Mrs. John Evans
Request the Pleasure of Your Company
to Meet
General and Mrs. Robert E. Lee
on Thursday Afternoon, February Fourth
from Four until Seven o'Clock_
_Five Hundred Park Avenue_

If one accepts this invitation, one acknowledges simply by attending. If one is unable to attend, then the visiting card is mailed. If unforeseen circumstances should prevent attending, then a messenger is sent with a card in an envelope to the hostess, to reach her during the reception.

_Invitations for afternoon affairs_

For afternoon affairs--at homes, teas, garden parties--the invitations are sent out in the name of the hostess alone, or if there be a daughter, or daughters, in society, their names will appear immediately below the name of the hostess.

_Mrs. John Evans
The Misses Evans
At Home
Thursday Afternoon, January Eleventh
from Four until Seven o'Clock
Five Hundred Park Avenue_

If the purpose of the reception is to introduce a daughter, her name would appear immediately below that of the hostess, as "Miss Evans," without Christian name or initial. If a second daughter is to be introduced at the tea, her name in full is added beneath that of the hostess:

_Mrs. John Evans
Miss Ruth Evans
Miss Evans
At Home
Friday Afternoon, January Twentieth
from Four until Seven o'Clock
Five Hundred Park Avenue_

_For balls and dances_

The word "ball" is used for an assembly or a charity dance, never otherwise. An invitation to a private house bears "Dancing" or "Cotillion" in one corner of the card. This ball or formal dance invitation is engraved on a white card, sometimes with a blank space so that the guest's name may be written in by the hostess. It would read thus:

(A)

_Mr. and Mrs. Charles Elliott
Request the Pleasure of
Mr. and Mrs. Evans's
Company at a Cotillion
to Be Held at the Hotel Ritz-Carlton
on Saturday, December the Third
at Ten o'Clock_
_Please Address Reply to
347 Madison Avenue_

(B)

_Mr. and Mrs. Charles Elliott
Request the Pleasure of

_________________________
Company on Saturday Evening
January the Sixth, at Ten o'Clock_
_Dancing 347 Madison Avenue_

An older style of invitation--without the blank for the written name, but instead the word "your" engraved upon the card--is in perfectly good form. The invitation would be like this:

(C)

_Mr. and Mrs. Charles Elliott
Request the Pleasure of Your Company
on Saturday Evening, January the Sixth
at Ten o'Clock_
_Dancing 347 Madison Avenue_

_Accepting_

Mr. and Mrs. John Evans
accept with pleasure
Mr. and Mrs. Elliott's
very kind invitation to a cotillion
to be held at the Hotel Ritz-Carlton
On Saturday, December the third
at ten o'clock

_Regretting_

Mr. and Mrs. John Evans
regret exceedingly that they
are unable to accept
Mr. and Mrs. Elliott's
kind invitation to attend a dance
on Saturday, January the sixth

In sending a regret the hour is omitted, as, since the recipient will not be present, the time is unimportant.

(D)

_The Honour of Your Presence
Is Requested at the Lincoln's Birthday Eve Ball
of the Dark Hollow Country Club
on Monday Evening, February Eleventh
at Half-Past Ten o'Clock
1922_

_Accepting_

Miss Evans accepts with pleasure
the kind invitation of the Dark Hollow Country Club
for Monday evening, February eleventh
at half-past ten o'clock

_For christenings_

Christenings are sometimes made formal. In such case engraved cards are sent out two or three weeks ahead. A good form is:

_Mr. and Mrs. Philip Brewster
Request the Pleasure of Your Company
at the Christening of Their Son
on Sunday Afternoon, April Seventeenth
At Three o'clock
at the Church of the Redeemer_

_Accepting_

Mr. and Mrs. Charles Elliot
accept with pleasure
Mr. and Mrs. Brewster's
kind invitation to attend
the christening of their son
on Sunday afternoon, April seventeenth
at three o'clock

A reason for not accepting may or may not be given--it is better to put in a reason if you have one.

_Regretting_

Mr. and Mrs. Charles Elliott
regret that a previous engagement
prevents their accepting
Mr. and Mrs. Brewster's
kind invitation to the christening of their son
on Sunday afternoon, April seventeenth

INFORMAL INVITATIONS

_For a wedding_

An engraved invitation always implies a somewhat large or elaborate formal function. An informal affair requires simply a written invitation in the first person.

The informal wedding is one to which are invited only the immediate family and intimate friends. The reason may be simply the desire for a small, quiet affair or it may be a recent bereavement. The bride-to-be generally writes these invitations. The form may be something like this:

(A)

June 2, 1922.

Dear Mrs. Smith,

On Wednesday, June the twelfth, at three o'clock Mr. Brewster
and I are to be married. The ceremony will be at home and we
are asking only a few close friends. I hope that you and Mr.
Smith will be able to come.

Yours very sincerely,
Dorothy Evans.

(B)

June 16, 1922.

Dear Mary,

Owing to the recent death of my sister, Mr. Brewster and I are
to be married quietly at home. The wedding will be on Wednesday,
June the twentieth, at eleven o'clock. We are asking only
a few intimate friends and I shall be so glad if you will come.

Sincerely yours,
Dorothy Evans.

_Accepting_

June 7, 1922.

Dear Dorothy,

We shall be delighted to attend your wedding on Wednesday,
June the twelfth, at three o'clock.

We wish you and Mr. Brewster every happiness.

Sincerely yours,
Helen Gray Smith.

_Regretting_

June 4, 1922.

Dear Dorothy,

I am so sorry that I shall be unable to attend your wedding.
The "Adriatic" is sailing on the tenth and Father and I have
engaged passage.

Let me wish you and Mr. Brewster every happiness.

Sincerely yours,
Mary Lyman.

_For dinners and luncheons_

An informal invitation to dinner is sent by the wife, for her husband and herself, to the wife. This invitation must include the latter's husband. It is simply a friendly note. The wife signs her Christian name, her maiden name (or more usually the initial of her maiden name), and her married name.

Five Hundred Park Avenue,
December 5th, 1922.

My dear Mrs. Trent,

Will you and Mr. Trent give us the pleasure of your company at
a small dinner on Tuesday, December the twelfth, at seven
o'clock?

I hope you will not be otherwise engaged on that evening as we
are looking forward to seeing you.

Very sincerely yours,
Katherine G. Evans.

_To cancel an informal dinner invitation_

My dear Mrs. Trent,

On account of the sudden death of my brother, I regret to be
obliged to recall the invitation for our dinner on Tuesday,
December the twelfth.

Sincerely yours,
Katherine G. Evans.
December 8, 1922.

_Accepting_

788 East Forty-Sixth Street,
December 7th, 1922.

My dear Mrs. Evans,

Mr. Trent and I will be very glad to dine with you on Tuesday,
December the twelfth, at seven o'clock.

With kind regards, I am

Very sincerely yours,
Charlotte B. Trent

_Regretting_

788 East Forty-Sixth Street,
December 7th, 1922.

My dear Mrs. Evans,

We regret deeply that we cannot accept your kind invitation to
dine with you on Tuesday, December the twelfth. Mr. Trent and
I, unfortunately, have a previous engagement for that evening.

With cordial regards, I am

Yours very sincerely,
Charlotte B. Trent.

_The daughter as hostess_

When a daughter must act as hostess in her father's home, she includes his name in every dinner invitation she issues, as in the following:

340 Madison Avenue,
January 2, 1921.

My dear Mrs. Evans,

Father wishes me to ask whether you and Mr. Evans will give us
the pleasure of dining with us on Wednesday, January the
fifteenth, at quarter past seven o'clock. We do hope you can
come.

Very sincerely yours,
Edith Haines.

The answer to this invitation of a daughter-hostess must be sent to the daughter, not to the father.

_Accepting_

My dear Miss Haines,

We shall be delighted to accept your father's kind invitation
to dine with you on Wednesday, January the fifteenth, at
quarter past seven o'clock.

With most cordial wishes, I am

Very sincerely yours,
Katherine G. Evans.
January 5, 1922

_Regretting_

My dear Miss Haines,

We regret exceedingly that we cannot accept your father's kind
invitation to dine with you on Wednesday, January the
fifteenth. A previous engagement of Mr. Evans prevents it.
Will you convey to him our thanks?

Very sincerely yours,
Katherine Gerard Evans.
January 5, 1922.

_Adding additional details_

The invitation to an informal dinner may necessarily include some additional details. For example:

Five Hundred Park Avenue,
September 16, 1920.

My dear Mr. Allen,

Mr. Evans and I have just returned from Canada and we hear
that you are in New York for a short visit. We should like to
have you take dinner with us on Friday, the twentieth, at
half-past seven o'clock, if your time will permit. We hope you
can arrange to come as there are many things back home in old
Sharon that we are anxious to hear about.

Yours very sincerely,
Katherine Gerard Evans.

Mr. Roger Allen
Hotel Gotham
New York

_Accepting_

Hotel Gotham,
September 17, 1920.

My dear Mrs. Evans,

I shall be very glad to accept your kind invitation to dinner
on Friday, September the twentieth, at half-past seven
o'clock.

The prospect of seeing you and Mr. Evans again is very
delightful and I am sure I have several interesting things to
tell you.

Yours very sincerely,
Roger Allen.

Mrs. John Evans
500 Park Avenue
New York

_Regretting_

Hotel Gotham,
September 16, 1920.

My dear Mrs. Evans,

I am sorry to miss the pleasure of accepting your kind
invitation to dinner on Friday, September the twentieth.

A business engagement compels me to leave New York to-morrow.
There are indeed many interesting bits of news, but I shall
have to wait for a chat until my next visit.

With kindest regards to you both, I am

Very sincerely yours,
Roger Allen.

Mrs. John Evans
500 Park Avenue
New York

_A last-moment vacancy:_

A last-moment vacancy may occur in a dinner party. To send an invitation to fill such a vacancy is a matter requiring tact, and the recipient should be made to feel that you are asking him to fill in as a special courtesy. Frankly explain the situation in a short note. It might be something like this:

500 Park Avenue,
February 16, 1922.

My dear Mr. Jarrett,

Will you help me out? I am giving a little dinner party
to-morrow evening and one of my guests, Harry Talbot, has just
told me that on account of a sudden death he cannot be
present. It is an awkward situation. If you can possibly come,
I shall be very grateful.

Cordially yours,
Katherine G. Evans.

Mr. Harold Jarrett
628 Washington Square South
New York

_Accepting_

628 Washington Square South,
February 16, 1922.

My dear Mrs. Evans,

It is indeed a fortunate circumstance for me that Harry Talbot
will not be able to attend your dinner. Let me thank you for
thinking of me and I shall be delighted to accept.

Yours very sincerely,
Harold Jarrett.

If the recipient of such an invitation cannot accept, he should, in his acknowledgment, give a good reason for declining. It is more considerate to do so.

_For an informal luncheon_

An informal luncheon invitation is a short note sent about five to seven days before the affair.

500 Park Avenue,
April 30,1922.

My dear Mrs. Emerson,

Will you come to luncheon on Friday, May the fifth, at half-past one
o'clock? The Misses Irving will be here and they want so much to meet
you.

Cordially yours,
Katherine G. Evans.

_Accepting_

911 Sutton Place,
May 2, 1922.

My dear Mrs. Evans,

I shall be very glad to take luncheon with you on Friday, May
the fifth, at half-past one o'clock. It will be a great
pleasure to meet the Misses Irving.

With best wishes, I am
Yours sincerely,
Grace Emerson.

_Regretting_

911 Sutton Place,
May 2, 1922.

My dear Mrs. Evans,

Thank you for your very kind invitation to luncheon on Friday,
May the fifth, but I am compelled, with great regret, to
decline it.

My mother and aunt are sailing for Europe on Friday and their
ship is scheduled to sail at one. I have arranged to see them
off. It was good of you to ask me.

Very sincerely yours,
Grace Emerson.

_For an informal tea_

My dear Miss Harcourt,

Will you come to tea with me on Tuesday afternoon, April the
fourth, at four o'clock? I have asked a few of our friends.

Cordially yours,
Katherine Gerard Evans.
April first

Telephone invitations are not good form and may be used only for the most informal occasions.

Invitations to the theatre, concert, and garden party, are mostly informal affairs and are sent as brief letters.

A garden party is a sort of out-of-doors at home.

_To a garden party which is not formal or elaborate_

Locust Lawn,
June 29, 1922.

My dear Miss Burton,

Will you come to tea with me informally on the lawn on
Thursday afternoon, July the fourth, at four o'clock? I know
you always enjoy tennis and I have asked a few enthusiasts. Do
try to come.

Cordially yours,
Ruth L. Anson.

Such an invitation is acknowledged in kind--by an informal note.

It may be of interest to read a letter or two from distinguished persons along these lines. Here, for example, is the delightfully informal way in which Thomas Bailey Aldrich invited his friend William H. Rideing to dinner on one occasion:[1]

April 6, 1882.

Dear Rideing:

Will you come and take an informal bite with me to-morrow
(Friday) at 6 P. M. at my hamlet, No. 131 Charles Street?
Mrs. Aldrich and the twins are away from home, and the
thing is to be _sans ceremonie_. Costume prescribed: Sack
coat, paper collar, and celluloid sleeve buttons. We shall
be quite alone, unless Henry James should drop in, as he
promises to do if he gets out of an earlier engagement.

Suppose you drop in at my office to-morrow afternoon about
5 o'clock and I act as pilot to Charles Street.

Yours very truly,
T. B. Aldrich.

[1] From "Many Celebrities and a Few Others--A Bundle of Reminiscences," by William H. Rideing. Copyright, 1912, by Doubleday, Page & Co.

And one from James Russell Lowell to Henry W. Longfellow:[2]

Elmwood, May 3, 1876.

Dear Longfellow:

Will you dine with me on Saturday at six? I have a Baltimore
friend coming, and depend on you.

I had such a pleasure yesterday that I should like to share it
with you to whom I owed it. J. R. Osgood & Co. sent me a copy
of your Household Edition to show me what it was, as they
propose one of me. I had been reading over with dismay my own
poems to weed out the misprints, and was awfully disheartened
to find how bad they (the poems) were. Then I took your book
to see what the type was, and before I knew it I had been
reading two hours and more. I never wondered at your
popularity, nor thought it wicked in you; but if I _had_
wondered, I should no longer, for you sang me out of all my
worries. To be sure they came back when I opened my own book
again--but that was no fault of yours.

If not Saturday, will you say Sunday? My friend is a Mrs.
----, and a very nice person indeed.

Yours always,
J. R. L.

[2] From "Letters of James Russell Lowell," edited by C. E. Norton. Copyright, 1893, by Harper & Bros.

George Meredith ("Robin") accepting an informal dinner invitation from his friend, William Hardman ("Tuck"):[3]

Jan'y 28, 1863.

Dear "at any price" Tuck:

I come. Dinner you give me at half-past five, I presume. A
note to Foakesden, if earlier. Let us have 5 ms. for a pipe,
before we go. You know we are always better tempered when this
is the case. I come in full dress. And do the honour to the
Duke's motto. I saw my little man off on Monday, after
expedition over Bank and Tower. Thence to Pym's, Poultry:
oysters consumed by dozings. Thence to Purcell's: great
devastation of pastry. Thence to Shoreditch, where Sons calmly
said: "Never mind, Papa; it is no use minding it. I shall soon
be back to you," and so administered comfort to his forlorn
Dad.--My salute to the Conquered One, and I am your loving,
hard-druv, much be-bullied

Robin.

[3] From "The Letters of George Meredith." Copyright, 1912, by Charles Scribner's Sons. By permission of the publishers.

_To a theatre_

347 Madison Avenue,
December 8, 1919.

My dear Miss Evans,

Mr. Smith and I are planning a small party of friends to see
"The Mikado" on Thursday evening, December the eighteenth, and
we hope that you will be among our guests.

We have arranged to meet in the lobby of the Garrick Theatre
at quarter after eight o'clock. I do hope you have no other
engagement.

Very cordially yours,
Gertrude Ellison Smith.

_Accepting_

My dear Mrs. Smith,

I shall be delighted to come to your theatre party on Thursday
evening, December the eighteenth. I shall be in the lobby of
the Garrick Theatre at a quarter past eight o'clock.

It is so kind of you to ask me.

Sincerely yours,
Ruth Evans.
December 12,1919.

_Regretting_

My dear Mrs. Smith,

With great regret I must write that I shall be unable to join
your theatre party on Thursday evening, December the
eighteenth. My two cousins are visiting me and we had planned
to go to the Hippodrome.

I much appreciate your thinking of me.

Very sincerely yours,
Ruth Evans.

For an informal affair, if at all in doubt as to what kind of invitation to issue, it is safe to write a brief note in the first person.

Two or more sisters may receive one invitation addressed "The Misses Evans." But two bachelor brothers must receive separate invitations. A whole family should never be included in one invitation. It is decidedly not proper to address one envelope to "Mr. and Mrs. Elliott and family."

_To an informal dance_

Invitations to smaller and more informal dances may be short notes. Or a visiting card is sometimes sent with a notation written in ink below the hostess's name and toward the left, as shown below:

(A)

Mrs. John Evans
At Home

Dancing at half after nine 500 Park Avenue
January the eighteenth
R.S.V.P.

If the visiting card is used "R.S.V.P." is necessary, because usually invitations on visiting cards do not presuppose answers. The reply to the above may be either formal, in the third person, or may be an informal note.

(B)

500 Park Avenue,
January 4, 1920.

My dear Mrs. Elliott,

Will you and Mr. Elliott give us the pleasure of your company
on Thursday, January the eighteenth, at ten o'clock? We are
planning an informal dance and we should be so glad to have
you with us.

Cordially yours,
Katherine G. Evans.

An acknowledgment should be sent within a week. Never acknowledge a visiting-card invitation by a visiting card. An informal note of acceptance or regret is proper.

_Accepting_

347 Madison Avenue,
January 10, 1920.

My dear Mrs. Evans,

Both Mr. Elliott and I shall be delighted to go to your dance
on Thursday, January the eighteenth, at ten o'clock. Thank you
so much for asking us.

Very sincerely yours,
Jane S. Elliott.

_Regretting_

347 Madison Avenue,
January 10, 1920.

My dear Mrs. Evans,

Thank you for your kind invitation for Thursday, January the
eighteenth; I am so sorry that Mr. Elliott and I shall not be
able to accept. Mr. Elliott has been suddenly called out of
town and will not be back for two weeks.

With most cordial regards, I am

Very sincerely yours,
Jane S. Elliott.

A young girl sends invitations to men in the name of her mother or the person under whose guardianship she is. The invitation would say that her mother, or Mrs. Burton, or whoever it may be, wishes her to extend the invitation.

_To a house-party_

An invitation to a house-party, which may imply a visit of several days' duration (a week, ten days, or perhaps two weeks) must state exactly the dates of the beginning and end of the visit. The hostess's letter should mention the most convenient trains, indicating them on a timetable. The guest at a week-end party knows he is to arrive on Friday afternoon or Saturday morning and leave on the following Monday morning. It is thoughtful for the hostess to give an idea of the activities or sports planned. The letter might be somewhat in the following manner:

(A)

Glory View,
August 1, 1922.

Dear Miss Evans,

Will you be one of our guests at a house-party we are
planning? We shall be glad if you can arrange to come out to
Glory View on August eighth and stay until the seventeenth. I
have asked several of your friends, among them Mary Elliott
and her brother.

The swimming is wonderful and there is a new float at the
Yacht Club. Be sure to bring your tennis racquet and also
hiking togs.

I enclose a timetable with the best trains marked. If you take
the 4:29 on Thursday you can be here in time for dinner. Let
me know what train you expect to get and I will have Jones
meet you.

Most cordially yours,
Myra T. Maxwell.

_Accepting_

500 Park Avenue,
August 3, 1922.

Dear Mrs. Maxwell,

Let me thank you and Mr. Maxwell for the invitation to your
house-party. I shall be very glad to come.

The 4:29 train which you suggest is the most convenient. I am
looking forward to seeing you again.

Very sincerely yours,
Ruth Evans.

(B)

Hawthorne Hill,
January 10, 1920.

My dear Anne,

We are asking some of Dorothy's friends for this week-end and
we should be glad to have you join us. Some of them you
already know, and I am sure you will enjoy meeting the others
as they are all congenial.

Mr. Maxwell has just bought a new flexible flyer and we expect
some fine coasting. Be sure to bring your skates. Goldfish
Pond is like glass.

The best afternoon train on Friday is the 3:12, and the best
Saturday morning train is the 9:30.

I hope you can come.

Very sincerely yours,
Myra T. Maxwell.

A letter of thanks for hospitality received at a week-end party or a house-party would seem to be obviously necessary. A cordial note should be written to your hostess thanking her for the hospitality received and telling her of your safe arrival home. This sort of letter has come into the title of the "Bread-and-Butter-Letter."

500 Park Avenue,
August 18, 1922.

Dear Mrs. Maxwell,

Having arrived home safely I must tell you how much I
appreciate the thoroughly good time I had. I very much enjoyed
meeting your charming guests.

Let me thank you and Mr. Maxwell most heartily, and with
kindest regards I am

Sincerely yours,
Ruth Evans.

_To a christening_

Most christenings are informal affairs. The invitation may run like this:

September 8, 1920.

My dear Mary,

On next Sunday at three o'clock, at St. Michael's Church, the
baby will be christened. Philip and I should be pleased to
have you there.

Sincerely yours,
Dorothy Evans Brewster.

_To bring a friend_

Often in the case of a dance or an at home we may wish to bring a friend who we think would be enjoyed by the hostess. We might request her permission thus:

600 Riverside Drive,
April 25, 1922.

My dear Mrs. Dean,

May I ask you the favor of bringing with me on Wednesday
evening, May the second, my old classmate, Mr. Arthur Price?
He is an old friend of mine and I am sure you will like him.

If this would not be entirely agreeable to you, please do not
hesitate to let me know.

Yours very sincerely,
Herbert Page.

_For a card party_

500 Park Avenue

My dear Mrs. King,

Will you and Mr. King join us on Thursday evening next at
bridge?[4] We expect to have several tables, and we do hope
you can be with us.

Cordially yours,
Katherine Gerard Evans.
March the eighteenth

[4] Or whatever the game may be.

Sometimes the visiting card is used with the date and the word "Cards" written in the lower corner as in the visiting-card invitation to a dance. This custom is more often used for the more elaborate affairs.

_Miscellaneous invitations_

The following are variations of informal party and other invitations:

83 Woodlawn Avenue,
November 4, 1921.

My dear Alice,

I am having a little party on Thursday evening next and I want
very much to have you come. If you wish me to arrange for an
escort, let me know if you have any preference.

Sincerely yours,
Helen Westley.

500 Park Avenue,
May 12, 1922.

My dear Alice,

On Saturday next I am giving a small party for my niece, Miss
Edith Rice of Albany, and I should like very much to have her
meet you. I hope you can come.

Very sincerely yours,
Katherine G. Evans.

THE LETTER OF CONDOLENCE

A letter of condolence may be written to relatives, close friends, and to those whom we know well. When the recipient of the condolatory message is simply an acquaintance, it is in better taste to send a visiting card with "sincere sympathy." Flowers may or may not accompany the card.

But in any case the letter should not be long, nor should it be crammed with sad quotations and mushy sentiment. Of course, at best, writing a condolence is a nice problem. Do not harrow feelings by too-familiar allusions to the deceased. The letter should be sent immediately upon receiving news of death.

When a card is received, the bereaved family acknowledge it a few weeks later with an engraved acknowledgment on a black-bordered card. A condolatory letter may be acknowledged by the recipient or by a relative or friend who wishes to relieve the bereaved one of this task.

_Formal acknowledgment engraved on card_

_Mrs. Gordon Burroughs and Family
Gratefully acknowledge
Your kind expression of sympathy_

The cards, however, may be engraved with a space for the name to be filled in:

_____________________________
_Gratefully acknowledge_

_____________________________
_Kind expression of sympathy_

When the letter of condolence is sent from a distance, it is acknowledged by a note from a member of the bereaved family. When the writer of the condolence makes the customary call afterward, the family usually makes a verbal acknowledgment and no written reply is required.

_Letters of condolence_

(A)

My dear Mrs. Burroughs,

May every consolation be given you in your great loss. Kindly
accept my deepest sympathy.

Sincerely yours,
Jane Everett.
October 4, 1921

(B)

My dear Mrs. Burroughs,

It is with the deepest regret that we learn of your
bereavement. Please accept our united and heartfelt
sympathies.

Very sincerely yours,
Katherine Gerard Evans.
October 5, 1921

(C)

My dear Eleanor,

May I express my sympathy for you in the loss of your dear
mother, even though there can be no words to comfort you? She
was so wonderful to all of us that we can share in some small
part in your grief.

With love, I am

Affectionately yours,
Ruth Evans.
July 8, 1922

(D)

My dear Mrs. Burroughs,

I am sorely grieved to learn of the death of your husband, for
whom I had the greatest admiration and regard. Please accept
my heartfelt sympathy.

Yours sincerely,
Douglas Spencer.
October 6, 1921

A letter of condolence that is something of a classic is Abraham Lincoln's famous letter to Mrs. Bixby, the bereaved mother of five sons who died for their country:

Washington, November 21, 1864.

Dear Madam:

I have been shown in the files of the War Department a
statement of the Adjutant-General of Massachusetts that you
are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the
field of battle. I feel how weak and fruitless must be any
words of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the
grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from
tendering to you the consolation that may be found in the
thanks of the Republic they died to save. I pray that our
Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement,
and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost,
and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly
a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom.

Yours very sincerely and respectfully,
Abraham Lincoln.

This is the letter[5] that Robert E. Lee, when he was president of Washington College, wrote to the father of a student who was drowned:

Washington College,
Lexington, Virginia,
March 19, 1868.

My dear Sir:

Before this you have learned of the affecting death of your
son. I can say nothing to mitigate your grief or to relieve
your sorrow: but if the sincere sympathy of his comrades and
friends and of the entire community can bring you any
consolation, I can assure you that you possess it in its
fullest extent. When one, in the pureness and freshness of
youth, before having been contaminated by sin or afflicted by
misery, is called to the presence of his Merciful Creator, it
must be solely for his good. As difficult as this may be for
you now to recognize, I hope you will keep it constantly in
your memory and take it to your comfort; pray that He who in
His wise Providence has permitted this crushing sorrow may
sanctify it to the happiness of all. Your son and his friend,
Mr. Birely, often passed their leisure hours in rowing on the
river, and, on last Saturday afternoon, the 4th inst.,
attempted what they had more than once been cautioned
against--to approach the foot of the dam, at the public
bridge. Unfortunately, their boat was caught by the
return-current, struck by the falling water, and was
immediately upset. Their perilous position was at once seen
from the shore, and aid was hurried to their relief, but
before it could reach them both had perished. Efforts to
restore your son's life, though long continued, were
unavailing. Mr. Birely's body was not found until next
morning. Their remains were, yesterday, Sunday, conveyed to
the Episcopal church in this city, where the sacred ceremonies
for the dead were performed by the Reverend Dr. Pendleton, who
nineteen years ago, at the far-off home of their infancy,
placed upon them their baptismal vows. After the service a
long procession of the professors and students of the college,
the officers and cadets of the Virginia Military Academy, and
the citizens of Lexington accompanied their bodies to the
packetboat for Lynchburg, where they were placed in charge of
Messrs. Wheeler & Baker to convey them to Frederick City.

With great regard and sincere sympathy, I am,

Most respectfully,
R. E. Lee.

[5] From "Recollections and Letters of General Robert E. Lee," by Capt. Robert E. Lee. Copyright, 1904, by Doubleday, Page & Co.

LETTERS OF SYMPATHY IN CASE OF ILLNESS

When President Alderman, of the University of Virginia, was forced to take a long rest in the mountains in 1912 because of incipient tuberculosis, the late Walter H. Page, at the time editor of the _World's Work_, wrote the following tenderly beautiful letter of sympathy to Mrs. Alderman:

Cathedral Avenue, Garden City, L. I.,
December 9, 1912.

My dear Mrs. Alderman:

In Raleigh the other day I heard a rumor of the sad news that
your letter brings, which I have just received on my return
from a week's absence. I had been hoping that it was merely a
rumor. The first impression I have is thankfulness that it had
been discovered so soon and that you have acted so promptly.
On this I build a great hope.

But underlying every thought and emotion is the sadness of
it--that it should have happened to _him_, now when he has
done that prodigious task and borne that hard strain and was
come within sight of a time when, after a period of more
normal activity, he would in a few years have got the period
of rest that he has won.--But these will all come yet; for I
have never read a braver thing than your letter. That bravery
on your part and his, together with the knowledge the doctors
now have, will surely make his recovery certain and, I hope,
not long delayed. If he keep on as well as he has begun, you
will, I hope, presently feel as if you were taking a vacation.
Forget that it is enforced.

There comes to my mind as I write man after man in my
acquaintance who have successfully gone through this
experience and without serious permanent hurt. Some of them
live here. More of them live in North Carolina or Colorado as
a precaution. I saw a few years ago a town most of whose
population of several thousand persons are recovered and
active, after such an experience. The disease has surely been
robbed of much of its former terror.

Your own courage and cheerfulness, with his own, are the best
physic in the world. Add to these the continuous and sincere
interest that his thousands of friends feel--these to keep
your courage up, if it should ever flag a moment--and we shall
all soon have the delight to see and to hear him again--his
old self, endeared, if that be possible, by this experience.

And I pray you, help me (for I am singularly helpless without
suggestions from you) to be of some little service--of any
service that I can. Would he like letters from me? I have
plenty of time and an eagerness to write them, if they would
really divert or please him. Books? What does he care most to
read? I can, of course, find anything in New York. A visit
some time? It would be a very real pleasure to me. You will
add to my happiness greatly if you will frankly enable me to
add even the least to his.

And now and always give him my love. That is precisely the
word I mean; for, you know, I have known Mr. Alderman since he
was graduated, and I have known few men better or cared for
them more.

And I cannot thank you earnestly enough for your letter; and I
shall hope to have word from you often--if (when you feel
indisposed to write more) only a few lines.

How can I serve? Command me without a moment's hesitation.

Most sincerely yours,
Walter H. Page.
To Mrs. Edwin A. Alderman.

Joaquin Miller wrote the following letter to Walt Whitman on receiving news that the latter was ill:

Revere House, Boston, May 27, '75.

My dear Walt Whitman:[6]

Your kind letter is received and the sad news of your ill
health makes this pleasant weather even seem tiresome and out
of place. I had hoped to find you the same hale and whole man
I had met in New York a few years ago and now I shall perhaps
find you bearing a staff all full of pain and trouble. However
my dear friend as you have sung from _within_ and not from
_without_ I am sure you will be able to bear whatever comes
with that beautiful faith and philosophy you have ever given
us in your great and immortal chants. I am coming to see you
very soon as you request; but I cannot say to-day or set
to-morrow for I am in the midst of work and am not altogether
my own master. But I will come and we will talk it all over
together. In the meantime, remember that whatever befall you
you have the perfect love and sympathy of many if not all of
the noblest and loftiest natures of the two hemispheres. My
dear friend and fellow toiler good by.

Yours faithfully,
Joaquin Miller.

[6] From "With Walt Whitman in Camden," by Horace Traubel. Copyright, 1905, 1906, by Doubleday, Page & Co.

When Theodore Roosevelt was ill in hospital, Lawrence Abbott wrote him this letter:[7]

Please accept this word of sympathy and best wishes. Some
years ago I had a severe attack of sciatica which kept me in
bed a good many days: in fact, it kept me in an armchair night
and day some of the time because I could not lie down, so I
know what the discomfort and pain are.

I want to take this opportunity also of sending you my
congratulations. For I think your leadership has had very much
to do with the unconditional surrender of Germany. Last Friday
night I was asked to speak at the Men's Club of the Church of
the Messiah in this city and they requested me to make you the
subject of my talk. I told them something about your
experience in Egypt and Europe in 1910 and said what I most
strongly believe, that your address at the Sorbonne--in
strengthening the supporters of law and order against red
Bolshevism--and your address in Guildhall--urging the British
to govern or go--contributed directly to the success of those
two governments in this war. If Great Britain had allowed
Egypt to get out of hand instead of, as an actual result of
your Guildhall speech, sending Kitchener to strengthen the
feebleness of Sir Eldon Gorst, the Turks and Germans might
have succeeded in their invasion and have cut off the Suez
Canal. So you laid the ground for preparedness not only in
this country but in France and England.

I know it was a disappointment to you not to have an actual
share in the fighting but I think you did a greater piece of
work in preparing the battleground and the battle spirit.

[7] From "Impressions of Theodore Roosevelt," by Lawrence F. Abbott Copyright, 1919, by Doubleday, Page & Co.

In reply Mr. Roosevelt sent Mr. Abbott this note: