Chapter X: Canto II: The Argument (2)

And so may we, if w' have but sense To use the necessary means; 1310 And not your usual stratagems On one another, Lights and Dreams To stand on terms as positive, As if we did not take, but give: Set up the Covenant on crutches, 1315 'Gainst those who have us in their clutches, And dream of pulling churches down, Before w' are sure to prop our own: Your constant method of proceeding, Without the carnal mans of heeding; 1320 Who 'twixt your inward sense and outward, Are worse, than if y' had none, accoutred. I grant, all courses are in vain, Unless we can get in again; The only way that's left us now; 1325 But all the difficulty's, How? 'Tis true, w' have money, th' only pow 'r That all mankind falls down before; Money, that, like the swords of kings, Is the last reason of all things; 1330 And therefore need not doubt our play Has all advantages that way; As long as men have faith to sell, And meet with those that can pay well; Whose half-starv'd pride, and avarice, 1335 One Church and State will not suffice T' expose to sale, beside the wages Of storing plagues to after-ages. Nor is our money less our own, Than 'twas before we laid it down; 1340 For 'twill return, and turn t' account, If we are brought, in play upon't: Or but, by casting knaves, get in, What pow 'r can hinder us to win? We know the arts we us'd before, 1345 In peace and war, and something more; And by th' unfortunate events, Can mend our next experiments: For when w' are taken into trust, How easy are the wisest choust? 1350 Who see but th' outsides of our feats, And not their secret springs and weights; And while they're busy at their ease, Can carry what designs we please. How easy is it to serve for agents, 1355 To prosecute our old engagements? To keep the Good Old Cause on foot, And present power from taking root? Inflame them both with false alarms Of plots and parties taking arms; 1360 To keep the Nation's wounds too wide From healing up of side to side; Profess the passionat'st concerns For both their interests by turns; The only way to improve our own, 1365 By dealing faithfully with none; (As bowls run true, by being made On purpose false, and to be sway'd:) For if we should be true to either, 'Twould turn us out of both together; 1370 And therefore have no other means To stand upon our own defence, But keeping up our ancient party In vigour, confident and hearty: To reconcile our late dissenters, 1375 Our brethren, though by other venters; Unite them, and their different maggots, As long and short sticks are in faggots, And make them join again as close As when they first began t' espouse; 1380 Erect them into separate New Jewish tribes, in Church and State; To join in marriage and commerce, And only among themselves converse; And all that are not of their mind, 1385 Make enemies to all mankind: Take all religions in and stickle From Conclave down to Conventicle; Agreeing still, or disagreeing, According to the Light in being. 1390 Sometimes for liberty of conscience, And spiritual mis-rule, in one sense; But in another quite contrary, As dispensations chance to vary; And stand for, as the times will bear it, 1395 All contradictions of the Spirit: Protect their emissaries, empower'd To preach sedition and the word; And when they're hamper'd by the laws, Release the lab'rers for the Cause, 1400 And turn the persecution back On those that made the first attack; To keep them equally in awe, From breaking or maintaining law: And when they have their fits too soon, 1405 Before the full-tides of the moon, Put off their zeal t' a fitter season For sowing faction in and treason; And keep them hooded, and their Churches, Like hawks from baiting on their perches, 1410 That, when the blessed time shall come Of quitting BABYLON and ROME, They may be ready to restore Their own Fifth Monarchy once more.

Meanwhile be better arm'd to fence 1415 Against revolts of Providence. By watching narrowly, and snapping All blind sides of it, they happen For if success could make us Saints, Or ruin turn'd us miscreants: 1420 A scandal that wou'd fall too hard Upon a few, and. unprepar'd.

These are the courses we must run, Spight of our hearts, or be undone; And not to stand on terms and freaks, 1425 Before we have secur'd our necks; But do our work, as out of sight, As stars by day, and suns by night; All licence of the people own, In opposition to the Crown; 1430 And for the Crown as fiercely side, The head and body to divide; The end of all we first design'd, And all that yet remains behind Be sure to spare no publick rapine, 1435 On all emergencies, that happen; For 'tis as easy to supplant Authority as men in want; As some of us, in trusts, have made The one hand with the other trade; 1440 Gain'd vastly by their joint endeavour; The right a thief; the left receiver; And what the one, by tricks, forestall'd, The other, by as sly, retail'd. For gain has wonderful effects 1445 T' improve the Factory of Sects; The rule of faith in all professions. And great DIANA of the EPHESIANS; Whence turning of Religion's made The means to turn and wind a trade: 1450 And though some change it for the worse, They put themselves into a course; And draw in store of customers, To thrive the better in commerce: For all Religions flock together, 1455 Like tame and wild fowl of a feather; To nab the itches of their sects, As jades do one another's necks. Hence 'tis, Hypocrisy as well Will serve t' improve a Church as ZEAL: 1460 As Persecution or Promotion, Do equally advance Devotion.

Let business, like ill watches, go Sometime too fast, sometime too slow; For things in order are put out 1465 So easy, Ease itself will do't; But when the feat's design'd and meant, What miracle can bar th' event? For 'tis more easy to betray, Than ruin any other way. 1470 All possible occasions start The weighty'st matters to divert; Obstruct, perplex, distract, intangle, And lay perpetual trains to wrangle. But in affairs of less import, 1475 That neither do us good nor hurt, And they receive as little by, Out-fawn as much, and out-comply; And seem as scrupulously just, To bait our hooks for greater trust; 1480 But still be careful to cry down All publick actions, though our own: The least miscarriage aggravate, And charge it all upon the Sate; Express the horrid'st detestation, 1485 And pity the distracted nation Tell stories scandalous and false, I' th' proper language of cabals, Where all a subtle statesman says, Is half in words, and half in face; 1490 (As Spaniards talk in dialogues Of heads and shoulders, nods and shrugs:) Entrust it under solemn vows Of mum, and silence, and the rose, To be retail'd again in whispers, 1495 For th' easy credulous to disperse.

Thus far the Statesman -- When a shout, Heard at a distance, put him out; And straight another, all aghast, Rush'd in with equal fear and haste; 1500 Who star'd about, as pale as death, And, for a while, as out of breath; Till having gather'd up his wits, He thus began his tale by fits.

That <k> beastly rabble -- that came down 1505 From all the garrets -- in the town, And stalls, and shop-boards -- in vast swarms, With new-chalk'd bills -- and rusty arms, To cry the Cause -- up, heretofore, And bawl the BISHOPS -- out of door, 1510 Are now drawn up -- in greater shoals, To roast -- and broil us on the coals, And all the Grandees -- of our Members Are carbonading -- on the embers; Knights, Citizens, and Burgesses -- 1515 Held forth by Rumps -- of Pigs and Geese, That serve for Characters -- and Badges. To represent their Personages: Each bonfire is a funeral pile, In which they roast, and scorch, and broil, 1520 And ev'ry representative Have vow'd to roast -- and broil alive:

And 'tis a miracle, we are not Already sacrific' d incarnate. For while we wrangle here, and jar, 1525 W' are grilly'd all at TEMPLE-BAR: Some on the sign-post of an ale-house, Hang in effigy, on the gallows; Made up of rags, to personate Respective Officers of State; 1530 That henceforth they may stand reputed, Proscrib'd in law, and executed; And while the Work is carrying on Be ready listed under <l> DON, That worthy patriot, once the bellows, 1535 And tinder-box, of all his fellows; The activ'st Member of the Five, As well as the most primitive; Who, for his faithful service then Is chosen for a Fifth agen: 1540 (For since the State has made a Quint Of Generals, he's listed in't.) This worthy, as the world will say, Is paid in specie, his own way; For, moulded to the life in clouts, 1545 Th' have pick'd from dung-hills hereabouts, He's mounted on a hazel bavin, A cropp'd malignant baker gave 'm; And to the largest bone-fire riding, They've roasted <m> COOK already and PRIDE in; 1550 On whom in equipage and state, His scarecrow fellow-members wait, And march in order, two and two, As at thanksgivings th' us'd to do; Each in a tatter'd talisman, 1555 Like vermin in effigie slain.

But (what's more dreadful than the rest) Those Rumps are but the tail o' th' Beast, Set up by Popish engineers, As by the crackers plainly appears; 1560 For none but Jesuits have a mission To preach the faith with ammunition, And propagate the Church with powder: Their founder was a blown-up <n> Soldier. These spiritual pioneers o' th' Whore's, 1565 That have the charge of all her stores, Since first they fail'd in their designs, To take in Heav'n by springing mines, And with unanswerable barrels Of gunpowder dispute their quarrels, 1570 Now take a course more practicable, By laying trains to fire the rabble, And blow us up in th' open streets, Disguis'd in Rumps, like Sambenites; More like to ruin, and confound, 1575 Than all the doctrines under ground.

Nor have they chosen Rumps amiss For symbols of State-mysteries; Though some suppose 'twas but to shew How much they scorn'd the Saints, the few; 1580 Who, 'cause they're wasted to the stumps, Are represented best by Rumps. But Jesuits have deeper reaches In all their politick far-fetches, And from the Coptick Priest, <o> Kircherus, 1585 Found out this mystick way to jeer us. For, as th' <p> Egyptians us'd by bees T' express their antick PTOLOMIES; And by their stings, the swords they wore, Held forth authority and power; 1590 Because these subtil animals Bear all their int'rests in their tails; And when they're once impar'd in that, Are banish'd their well-order'd state; They thought all governments were best 1595 By Hieroglyphick Rumps exprest.

For, as in bodies natural, The rump's the fundament of all; So, in a commonwealth, or realm, The government is call'd the helm; 1600 With which, like vessels under sail, They're turn'd and winded by the tail; The tail, which birds and fishes steer Their courses with through sea and air; To whom the rudder of the rump is 1605 The same thing with the stern and compass. This shews how perfectly the Rump And Commonwealth in nature jump. For as a fly, that goes to bed, Rests with his tail above his head, 1610 So in this mungrel state of ours; The rabble are the supreme powers; That hors'd us on their backs, to show us A jadish trick at last, and throw us.

The learned Rabbins of the Jews 1615 Write there's a bone, which they call leuz, I' th' rump of man, of such a virtue, No force in nature can do hurt to; And therefore at the last great day, All th' other members shall, they say, 1620 Spring out of this, as from a seed All sorts of vegetals proceed; From whence the learned sons of art Os Sacrum justly stile that part. Then what can better represent 1625 Than this Rump Bone the Parliament; That, alter several rude ejections, And as prodigious resurrections, With new reversions of nine lives, Starts up, and like a cat revives? 1630

But now, alas! they're all expir'd, And th' House, as well as Members, fir'd; Consum'd in kennels by the rout, With which they other fires put out: Condemn'd t' ungoverning distress, 1635 And paultry, private wretchedness; Worse than the Devil, to privation, Beyond all hopes of restoration; And parted, like the body and soul, From all dominion and controul. 1640 We, who cou'd lately with a look Enact, establish, or revoke; Whose arbitrary nods gave law, And frowns kept multitudes in awe; Before the bluster of whose huff, 1645 All hats, as in a storm, flew off; Ador'd and bowed to by the great, Down to the footman and valet; Had more bent knees than chapel-mats, And prayers than the crowns of hats; 1650 Shall now be scorn'd as wretchedly; For ruin's just as low as high; Which might be suffer'd, were it all The horror that attends our fall: For some of us have scores more large 1655 Than heads and quarters can discharge; And others, who, by restless scraping, With publick frauds, and private rapine, Have mighty heaps of wealth amass'd, Would gladly lay down all at last; 1660 And to be but undone, entail Their vessels on perpetual jail; And bless the Dev'l to let them farms Of forfeit souls on no worse terms.

This said, a near and louder shout 1665 Put all th' assembly to the rout, Who now begun t' out-run their fear, As horses do from whom they bear; But crowded on with so mach haste, Until th' had block'd the passage fast, 1670 And barricado'd it with haunches Of outward men, and bulks, and paunches, That with their shoulders strove to squeeze, And rather save a crippled piece Of all their crush'd and broken members, 1675 Than have them grilled on the embers; Still pressing on with heavy packs Of one another on their backs: The van-guard could no longer hear The charges of the forlorn rear, 1680 But, born down headlong by the rout, Were trampled sorely under foot: Yet nothing prov'd so formidable As the horrid cookery of the rabble; And fear, that keeps all feeling out, 1685 As lesser pains are by the gout, Reliev'd 'em with a fresh supply Of rallied force enough to fly, And beat a Tuscan running-horse, Whose jockey-rider is all spurs. 1690

NOTES TO PART III. CANTO II.

1 g The Learned write, &c.] An insect breeze. Breezes often bring along with them great quantities of insects, which some are of opinion, are generated from viscous exhalations in the air; but our Author makes them proceed from a cow's dung, and afterwards become a plague to that whence it received its original.

13 h For as the Persian, &c.] The Magi were priests and philosophers among the Persians, intrusted with the government both civil and ecclesiastick, much addicted to the observation of the stars. Zoroaster is reported to be their first author. They had this custom amongst them, to preserve and continue their families by incestuous copulation with their own mothers. Some are of opinion, that the three wise men that came out of the East to worship our Saviour were some of these.

51 i At Michael's Term, &c.] St. Michael, an archangel; mentioned in St. Jude's Epistle, Verse 9.

78 k And laid about, &c.] William Prynne, of Lincoln's-Inn, Esq. born at Swanswick, who stiled himself Utter Barrister, a very warm person, and voluminous writer; and after the Restoration, keeper of the records in the Tower.

146 l As Dutch Boors, &c.] It is reported of the Dutch women, that making so great use of stoves, and often putting them under their petticoats, they engender a kind of ugly monster, which is called a Sooterkin.

151 m T' out-cant the Babylonian, &c.] At the building of the Tower of Babel, when God made the confusion of languages.

215 Toss'd in a furious Hurricane, &c.] At Oliver's death was a most furious tempest, such as had not been known in the memory of man, or hardly ever recorded to have been in this nation. This Sterry reported something ridiculously fabulous concerning Oliver, not unlike what Proculus did of Romulus.

224 o False Heaven, &c.] After the Restoration, Oliver's body was dug up, and his head set at the farther end of Westminster- hall, near which place there is an house of entertainment, which is commonly known by the name of Heaven.

227 p So Romulus, &c.] A Roman Senator, whose name was Proculus, and much beloved by Romulus, made oath before the Senate, that this prince appeared to him after his death, and predicted the future grandeur of that city, promising to be protector of it; and expressly charged him, that he should be adored there under the name of Quirinus; and he had his temple on Mount Quirinale.

231 q Next his Son, &c.] Oliver's eldest son Richard was, by him before his death, declared his successor; and, by order of privy-council, proclaimed Lord Protector, and received the compliments of congratulation and condolence, at the same time, from the Lord Mayor and Court of Aldermen: and addresses were presented to him from all parts of the nation, promising to stand by him with their lives and fortunes. He summoned a Parliament to meet at Westminster, which recognized him Lord Protector: yet, notwithstanding, Fleetwood, Desborough, and their partizans, managed affairs so, that he was obliged to resign.

245 r To edify upon the Ruins, &c.] John of Leyden, whose name was Buckhold, was a butcher of the same place, but a crafty, eloquent, and seditious fellow and one of those called Anabaptists. He went and set up at Munster, where, with Knipperdoling, and others of the same faction, they spread their abominable errors, and run about the streets in enthusiastical raptures, crying, Repent and be baptized, pronouncing dismal woes against all those that would not embrace their tenets. About the year 1533 they broke out into an open insurrection, and seized the palace and magazines, and grew so formidable that it was very dangerous for those who were not of their persuasion to dwell in Munster; but at length he and his associates being subdued and taken, he was executed at Munster, had his flesh pulled off by two executioners with red- hot pincers for the space of an hour, and then run through with a sword.

351 s 'Mong these there was a Politician, &c.] This was the famous E. of S. who was endued with a particular faculty of undermining and subverting all sorts of government.

409 t and better than by Napier's Bones, &c.] The famous Lord Napier, of Scotland, the first inventor of logarithms, contrived also a set of square pieces, with numbers on them, made generally of ivory, (which perform arithmetical and geometrical calculations,) and are commonly called Napier's Bones.

421 u To match this Saint, &c.] The great colonel John Lilbourn, whose trial is so remarkable, and well known at this time.

475 w The Trojan Mare, &c.] After the Grecians had spent ten years in the siege of Troy, without the least prospect of success, they bethought of a stratagem, and made a wooden horse capable of containing a considerable number of armed men: this they filled with the choicest of their army, and then pretended to raise the siege; upon which the credulous Trojans made a breach in the walls of the city to bring in this fatal plunder; but when it was brought in, the inclosed heroes soon appeared, and surprizing the city, the rest entered in at the breach.

520 x (I mean Margaret's Fast) &c.] That Parliament used to have publick fasts kept in St. Margaret's church, Westminster, as is done to this present time.

605 y To hang like Mahomet, &c.] It is reported of Mahomet the great impostor, that having built a mosque, the roof whereof was of loadstone, and ordering his corpse, when he was dead, to be put into an iron coffin, and brought into that place, the loadstone soon attracted it near the top, where it still hangs in the air. No less fabulous is what the legend says of Ignatius Loyola, that his zeal and devotion transported him so, that at his prayers he has been seen to be raised from the ground for some considerable time together.

650 z As easy as Serpents, &c.] Naturalists report, that Snakes, Serpents, &c. cast their skins every year.

655 a As Barnacles turn Soland Geese, &c.] It is said that in the Islands of the Orcades, in Scotland, there are trees which bear those barnacles, which dropping off into the water, receive life, and become those birds called soland geese.

663 b So he that keeps the Gate of Hell, &c.] The poets feign the dog Cerberus, that is the porter of hell, to have three heads.

685 c The GIBELLINES, &c.] Two great factions in Italy, distinguished by those names, miserably distracted and wasted it about the year 1130.

841 d When three Saints Ears, &c.] Burton, Prynn, and Bastwick, three notorious ringleaders of the factious, just at the beginning of the late horrid rebellion.

894 e But Fisher's Folly, &c.] Fisher's Folly, was where Devonshire-Square now stands, and was a great place of consultation in those days.

907 f Cut out more Work, &c.] Plato's year, or the grand revolution of the intire machine of the world, was accounted 4000 years.

1200 g T' your great Croysado General, &c.] General Fairfax, who was soon laid aside after he had done some of their drudgery for them.

1241 h To pass for deep and learned Scholars, &c.] Two ridiculous scribblers, that were often pestering the world with nonsense.

1250 i Like Sir Pride, &c.] The one a brewer, the other a shoemaker, and both colonels in the rebels' army.

1505 k The beastly Rabble that came down, &c.] This is an accurate description of the mob's burning rumps upon the admission of the secluded Members, on contempt of the Rump- Parliament.

1534 l Be ready listed under DON] The hangman's name at that time was Don.

1550 m They've roasted COOK already and PRIDE in.] Cook acted as solicitor-general against King Charles the First at his trial; and afterwards received his just reward for the same. Pride, a colonel in the Parliament's army.

1564 n Their Founder was a blown up Soldier.] Ignatius Loyola, the founder of the society of the Jesuits, was a gentleman of Biscay, in Spain, and bred a soldier; was at Pampelune when it was besieged by the French in the year 1521, and was so very lame in both feet, by the damage he sustained there, that he was forced to keep his bed.

1585 o And from their Coptick Priests, Kircherus.] Athanasius Kircher, a Jesuit, hath wrote largely on the AEgyptian mystical learning.

1587 p For, as the AEgyptians us'd by Bees, &c.] The AEgyptians represented their kings, (many of whose names were Ptolemy) under the hieroglyphick of a bee, dispensing honey to the good and virtuous, and having a sting for the wicked and dissolute.