Chapter IV: Act II: Enter Urlandenny and Darony

_Daro._ What News, my Lord?

_Urlan._ All things are in readiness according to your desire; _Darno_ is raising an Army in the _North_, _Lomporhomock_ is now landing in the _South_ with 20000 Men, and when the Tidings reach the King’s Ears, he’ll extend his Army to the _North_ and to the _South_; then, when his Forces have left the City, the 500 Men which I have hired, for what Purpose they know not, but exactly at two a-Clock in the Morning, each Man is to fire a Gun upon the House-top; this repeated three times, will drive every wandering Soul home to his Body, and raise him from Sleep surprized.

_Daro._ That’s true.

_Urlan._ You and I with a small Body of Men, will march through the City with a Shout, saying, The City is surrounded with Foreigners, Fire and Sword, Fire and Sword! rise, rise quickly, rise to Arms.

_Daro._ That’s good; then in a moment’s time we shall be at the Head of 100,000 Men.

_Urlan._ We’ll plunder Misers Houses, distribute their Bags, hurling the Coin among them, like Hounds besmear’d with the blood of Prey, mount Resolution upon the Heart, ride furiously, Whip and Spur, and with deep mouth’d Tones, full Cry, and in that Vehemence of Spirit, they will devour a savage Lion. We’ll prejudice them against the King, lead them to the Court, and take possession of all.

_Daro._ So farewel, my Lord; remember two a-clock.

[_Exeunt severally._

_Enter_ Sementory _and_ Seringo.

_Serin._ _Sementory_, to thy Tire.

_Sem._ I’m weary of Dress, pall’d with Pleasure, sick of the event of vain Hopes: Some say that Marriage is made in Heaven; but ’tis my Opinion, if all the Harlots were sent to the Grand _Turk_, there would be more Weddings celebrated in Heaven than there are; I perceive the Fire of the Men is all out.

_Serin._ Very true, _Sementory_.

_Sem._ They gaze upon a Woman, as they do upon a Bill of Fare after Dinner.

_Sem._ Oh _Seringo_! where shall I find a vertuous Man, like such a one that I have seen, chaste, and full of Rapture? Rapture is the Egg of Love, hatched by a radiant Eye, that brings to Life a _Cupid_ in his Breast. In thy Company he’s tasteless of Food and Wine, he’s restless, he’s empty of Words, and full of Sighs, is in a shivering Ague chill’d; then in a moment rais’d by the high Fever of Love, is in extatick Raptures, his Opticks are like two Balls of Fire, and look as fierce as if he took Gunpowder-Snuff; could you love such a one?

_Serin._ How gay, how free, how merry is he!
How full of Charms to move!
His Soul is full of Love.

_Enter_ Hurlothrumbo.

_Sem._ What, not a Word? sure ’tis pain to speak?

_Hurlo._ My Tongue is Thought’s Midwife, and has been a gossiping all Night with a very fine Lady, and is not able now to perform her Office.

_Sem._ The rich _Molotto_ Lady, I presume?

_Hurlo._ She is rich, do you not like her for that?

_Sem._ But give me the Man that’s like the Bee,
That flies round and round the Field to see,
To taste of every Herb, to chuse the Sweet, to miss the Sour,
He hovers and sings, and sucks the true Vertue from the Flower:
But the mean Soul like yours that courts for Money,
Is like the Wasp, will settle upon a Nettle for a little Honey.

[_Ex._ Sementory _and_ Seringo.

_Enter_ Theorbeo.

_Hurlo._ The King will instantly wait upon your Majesty; but is now engaged in the Affairs of the Government.

_Theo._ After what manner are you govern’d?

_Hurlo._ Spiritually and Temporally, King, Lords, Commons, Parsons, Clergymen and Divines,

_Theo._ What is a Parson?

_Hurlo._ A Parson is——I beg pardon, the King comes.

[_Ex._ Hurlothrumbo.

_Theo._ _Adam_ before _Eve_ was made, longed for something he knew not what; I long for something more than _Eve_, I know not where.

_Enter_ King.

_King._ _Theorbo_, why meditate yon thus? that Soul of thine that came from Heaven, longs to leave me, to soar aloft and travel home; grieve not thus for a Woman, I myself am tender, yet bold; I often weep in a fine Lady’s Presence, but in a moment can conquer that Passion, and venture my Life with a Lion; can lay my Hand under the Foot of an humble Beggar, or take a lofty Emperor by the Nose.

_Enter_ Hurlothrumbo.

_King._ _Hurlothrumbo_, what Tidings from the World?

_Hurlo._ Not any that will please your Majesty; here are some poor Men petitioning you for Charity.

_King._ That will doubly please me; I relieve them as Men, and satisfy the Thirst of Compassion, at the same time, my Soul’s invested with sacred Pride, think I am highly honour’d, and entertain the Gods.

_Hurlo._ Here is also a poor Prince sends to borrow Money.

_King._ That will also please me; I receive the Borrower with more Joy than him that comes to pay a Debt.

_Enter_ Flame.

_Flame._ Beggars be gone, these Men sell Land upon the blue Plains; see what a Figure they cut, who’ll buy any? Oh you, I know you well, (_pointing to the King_) you are the most covetous Man in the Universe, you give what you have away to the Poor, that you may enjoy it all yourself; and when your time is to die, you’ll not leave a Farthing behind you to fling away. I return you thanks for the Post of Honour you offered me; but does your Majesty think a Soul like mine was born for Servitude? No; I’ll sooner be an _Alexander_ in my own Park-Pale: He that lives in Pleasure runs up a Score, and he that is afflicted, is paying Debts; this is Spirit; what has Flesh to do with that? A Coquet in the Soul, a Harlot for the Devil. I am a Man amazed in Love, Nature is hot and too much fudled with Fire; in the out-raging Jealousies of my Soul, I rent my Brain, and when my Rival was with her. I ran distracted to her Cheeks, I kiss’d, I curs’d, I bless’d, I wept, an Earthquake in my Breast, Thunder and Lightning in my Head, that storm’d down Tempest, and burst my Heart. Oh what is Woman! I am sadly in Love, I am not well; do kill me, O pity a Lover.

[_Ex._ Flame.

_King._ _Hurlothrumbo_, what is thy Opinion of this Man? my prophetick Soul loves him.

_Hurlo._ I advise him to starve himself, from a Horse to a Man; for if he dies at this time, he’ll be metamorphos’d into a wild _Elysian_ Colt.

He’ll cock his Tail, he’ll praunce and stare,
Will gallop, snort, and snuff the Air;
And all his Thoughts will be of——

_King._ Pray tell me how does Love affect thee?

_Hurlo._ When I see a Lady with a full Chest, flat Back, falling Shoulders, a long Neck, and a languishing Air, every Pulse beats up a March vehemently towards her; I touch, I muse, I am in a Trance, a pleasing Stupidity, Astunment, my Faculties are on fire, a Smoak rises in the Eyes of the Mind, Reason is deaf, the Intellect blind, my Nerves creep, I shiver; charm’d in Terror, the Body trembles in the Bargain of buying Raptures with the Soul.

_King._ ’Tis not Love, it’s Temptation.

_Hurlo._ ’Tis a Description of a Combat, in which all Men are conquer’d.

_King._ Not so, _Hurlo_, I will speak for myself: Ambition high rose up in the Mind, to fight with Vertue, in the beauteous Fair; and she a superlative _Venus_ of the World; I was Fire, and Faculties keen; she was Love with languishing Retreat, but when she surrendred all to my Will; I struck not the Vanquish’d, but conquer’d myself.

_Hurlo._ ’Twas a noble Retreat, your Majesty bravely run away.

_Enter_ Servant.

_Serv._ The Lord _Dologodelmo_ waits without to speak to your Majesty.

[_Ex._ Theorbeo, Hurlo, _and_ Servant.

_King._ I am at leisure——From whence this Distress in my Breast of late, restless Nights, horrid Visions, affluster’d Spirits fly around my Heart; my prophetick Soul, like _Argus_, discerns Destruction approaching.

_Enter_ Dologo.

_Dolo._ If it be a Crime to bear ill Tidings, your Majesty’s Goodness will oblige you to pardon.

_King._ Speak, speak _Godelmo_, thou art my Friend.

_Dolo._ Lord _Darno_ has sold his Effects at home, and is now raising an Army in the Northern Parts of your Majesty’s Dominions; _Darony_ and _Urlandenny_ are set out for the South, with the same Design.

_King._ Go, _Dolo._ and bring _Theorbeo_ hither to me. [_Ex._ Dolo.] Oh, who shall deliver me from the Contagions of Mortals! that I had been born in humbler State: Ye rural Shepherds, ye Companions of Angels, I envy you: that I could be like to you, my Ambition only to reach the Top of a Mountain, to lean upon my Staff, there to admire the beautiful Œconomy of the Universe, listen to the Linnets, Larks, and Nightingales, that warble forth their Praise on high; to the Sun they offer up their Joy: these would teach me to be grateful. Of my Lambs, that innocently sport all around me; of them I will learn Humility, and despite your Arrogance: my Dog, that scouts upon the Plain, I’ll compare him with you, and blush for you: he loves more, and is constant, a fervent Friend, will fight till Death for his Master, rises not up against him when he smites him; he’s grateful, he flatters not, and to your shame, has more Compassion; for with his Tongue he’ll heal the Wound of the Oppressed. Ye Rationals, learn of Brutes; and teach me to abhor Mankind.

[_Exit._

_Enter_ Theorbeo _and_ Dologodelmo.

_King._ _Theorbeo_, you say your desire is to exert yourself in the War, I had much rather you’d stay; what say you?

_Theo._ ’Tis my desire, that my Spirits may rouze and shake off these heavy Elements; the shining of my Soul is over-whelm’d with Clouds, I long to discharge this heavy Hail-storm upon the Heads of all your Adversaries.

_King._ _Godelmo_, is there any danger?

_Dolo._ There is not; when the Enemy hear the King’s Trumpet sound, it will be as when the Lion roareth in the Forest, every Monster’s Heart will tremble, and in a moment fly to their Dens for shelter.

_King._ See that Draughts are made out of my Troops, 20,000 of the most proper Men. This moment I’ll review my Army.

[_Ex._ King _and_ Theor.

_Enter_ Hurlothrumbo, _out of Breath_.

_Dolo._ What’s the matter now, my Lord, you seem to be out of Breath?

_Hurlo._ Out of Breath! I may well be out of Breath, the Wind may well rise, the Conjurers are all at work, I have a Tempest in my Belly.

_Dolo._ Pray let the Storms cease, and let me hear the Cause.

_Enter_ King.

_Hurlo._ Cause! Cause enough; one _Lomporhomock_, a _Dutch_ Officer, is just landed with 200,000 Men.

_King._ Go this moment, and get my Troops in readiness, and I’ll give them the meeting myself.

[_Ex._ Hurlo. _and_ Dolo.

I am rais’d above the common Height of Man, lifted up to the rattling Climes of Discord, where _Dologodelmo_ and _Hurlothrumbo_ rumble along the Sky, and says the Element begins to crack; but as the Lightning flies before the Thunder-clap, so shall _Darony_ fly before me, or Death shall swallow me up.

But yet, shall I in this tempestuous Season,
In furious headlong bid farewel to Reason?
No; in Storms all Fools are hurrican’d in Mind,
But Wisdom gently moves upon the swiftest Wind.

To fight, and in the heat of Blood, in an Agony, drop into Eternity, and carry the Fire with me. O! let me not pause, let me not think, for if I think, Divinity will make me like a Lamb, and then persuade me to be a Coward; no, I’ll go and recommend

My _Cademore_’s Charms to happy Fate that sent her,
Then fly to War’s Alarms, and both my Lives will venture.

[_Ex._ King.

_Enter_ Sementory _and_ Seringo.

_Serin._ I am all at War within.

_Sem._ So much in Love with two Men! alas thy Combat will do you no harm; you admire _Darone_ for his Honour, and _Hurlothrumbo_’s Bravery.

_Serin._ Oh advise me.

_Sem._ Of all Happiness, that is the most sweet that is the nearest to us; Riches lie in the Purse, Love in the Heart: never marry for Honour, or Title; Fame is always at a distance; the Man I love is near. What is Fame? a Word; that Word is Wind, the humming of a Bee: but when I sleep by the Man I love, no Wind can come to me.

_Enter_ Flame, _and sings_.

_Sem._ So, my Lord, your Aid is required at the Wars.

_Flam._ I’ll fly from the War, Love and War always jar; there is no Calm in Love and War; let my _Seringo_ live with me, then farewel Honour, farewel Care.

[_Exit._

_The End of the Second_ ACT

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