Chapter XII: The Katydid

Skeeters pest’rin’,
Bites a-fest’rin’,
Merc’ry ninety-four;
Feelin’ groggy,
Piller soggy,
Makes me tur’bel sore.

Rollin’, groanin’,
Tossin’, moanin’,
Hotter ’n eggs a-fryin’;
Houn’ dawg yellin’,
Jack-ass hellin’,
Little Willy cryin’.

Nerves a-tingle;
Ev’ry single
Nightish critter tootin’;
Hosses champin’,
Cattle stampin’,
Even stars a-shootin’!

Air is deader
Than a medder
Whar they’s be’n a fire
East all smoky,
Moon-rise poky—
Julluk out o’ mire.

Night’s a horrer;
Like ter borrer
Bill’s ol’ “make-’em-peep;”
Shoot the dam things
So’s ter ca’m things—
Git fi’ minnits’ sleep.

Nature’s planned it
Tho, ’n’ I’ll stand it—
’Cept one thing, by hellum!
That’s thet rawcus
Hoppin’ jaw-cuss
Out on yender ellum.

Pesky thing
Doosn’t sing;
Line o’ talk
’S jist a squawk.
Rubs its wings an’
Thinks it sings an’
Knocks my wits
All ter bits;
Never quits
Throwin’ fits
All the night
Till it’s light;
No beseechin’
Stops its screechin’;
Filin’ saws,
Grindin’ jaws,
Windin’ clocks,
Gratin’ locks—
’S music ’side
That ’ar snide!

Change yer toon, yew
Mis’bel loon, yew!

Mos’ly threes;
Shift it, _please_!

“She did!
She hid
Her lid,
She did!”

Now ’e’s say’n’
Threes again:

“Yes she did,
Yes she did,
Yes she, yes she,
Yes she did!”

Gosh a’ mity,
I’m mos’ flighty.

Insect ass,
Scrapin’ brass,
Co’se I know
She done so.
Now yew kill her.
(Hang this piller!)

Thar, thet’s better;
Hope yew’ve let ’er
Die the death;
Save yer breath,
Mornin’s here,
Breakfas’ near.

* * * * *

Durn ’er hide,
Katy’s died!