Chapter I: Front Matter

[Transcriber's note: Obvious printer's errors have been corrected, all other inconsistencies are as in the original. Author's spelling has been maintained.

Page 204: A word was missing after "The Major was right, for a little" "while" has been added.

Bold words are marked with =.]

INCIDENTS OF THE WAR:

Humorous, Pathetic,

and

Descriptive.

By

ALF BURNETT,

Comic Delineator, Army Correspondent, Humorist,
Etc., Etc.

CINCINNATI:
RICKEY & CARROLL, PUBLISHERS,
73 WEST FOURTH STREET.
1863.

Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1863, by
RICKEY & CARROLL,
In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United
States for the Southern District of Ohio.

Stereotyped at the
Franklin Type Foundry,
CINCINNATI.

SKETCH OF THE AUTHOR.

By Enos B. Reed.

The author of the following sketches, letters, etc., has been known to us for lo, these many years. We have always found him "a fellow of infinite jest," and one who, "though troubles assailed," always looked upon the bright side of life, leaving its reverse to those who could not behold the silver lining to the darkling clouds of their moral horizon. We could fill a good-sized volume with anecdotes illustrating the humorous in Mr. Burnett's composition, and his keen appreciation of the grotesque and ludicrous--relating how he has, many a time and oft, "set the table in a roar," by his quaint sayings and the peculiar manner in which they were said; but we are "admonished to be brief," four pages only being allotted to "do up" the veritable "Don Alfredus," better known by the familiar appellation "Alf."

Mr. Burnett has been a resident of Cincinnati for the past twenty-seven years, his parents removing thereto from Utica, New York, in 1836. Alf, at the Utica Academy, in his earliest youth, was quite noted as a declaimer; his "youth but gave promise of the man," Mr. B., at the present time, standing without a peer in his peculiar line of declamation and oratory. In 1845, he traveled with Professor De Bonneville, giving his wonderful rendition of "The Maniac," so as to attract the attention of the _literati_ throughout the country.

Perhaps one great reason for Mr. Burnett's adopting his present profession was a remark made by the celebrated tragedian, Edwin Forrest. Mr. B. had been invited to meet Mr. Forrest at the residence of S. S. Smith, Esq. Mr. Burnett gave several readings, which caused Mr. Forrest to make the remark, that "Mr. B. had but to step upon the stage to reach fortune and renown." "Upon this hint" Mr. B. acted, and at once entered upon the duties of his arduous profession. In his readings and recitations he soon discovered that it was imperative, to insure a pleasant entertainment, that humor should be largely mingled with pathos; hence, he introduced a series of droll and comical pieces, in the rendition of which he is acknowledged to have no equal. As a mimic and ventriloquist he stands preeminent, and his entertainment is so varied with pathos, wit, and humor, that an evening's amusement of wonderful versatility is afforded.

Mr. Burnett is a remarkably ready writer--too ready, to pay that care and attention to the "rules," which is considered, and justly so, to be indispensable to a correct writer. To illustrate the rapidity with which he composes, we have but to repeat a story, which a mutual friend relates. He met Alf, one afternoon, about five o'clock, he being announced to deliver an original poem in the evening, of something less than a hundred verses. In the midst of the conversation which ensued, Alf suddenly recollected that he had not written a line thereof, and, making his excuses, declared he must go home and write up the "_little affair_." In the evening a voluminous poem was forthcoming, Alf, in all probability, having "done it up" in half an hour "by Shrewsbury clock."

Mr. Burnett has contributed various poems to the literature of the country, which have stamped him as being possessed of a more than ordinary share of the divine afflatus. Among them is "The Sexton's Spade," which has gained a world-wide celebrity. The writer has been connected with Mr. Burnett in the publication of two or three papers, which, somehow or other, never won their way into popular favor: either the public had very bad taste, or the "combined forces" had not the ability to please, or the perseverance to continue until success crowned their labors.

In the commencement of the war, Mr. Burnett was on a tour of the State, in the full tide of prosperity. Immediately after Sumter fell, he summoned to him, by telegraph, his traveling agent, together with Mr. George Humphreys, who had, as an assistant, been with him for years. A consultation was held, which resulted in the determination of all three to enlist in the service of their country. The agent repaired to Chillicothe and joined the 27th Ohio; Humphreys joined the 5th Ohio, and Mr. Burnett enlisted as high private in the 6th Ohio, and served with his regiment in West Virginia, throughout that memorable campaign.

Mr. Burnett was subsequently engaged by the Cincinnati _Press_, _Times_, and _Commercial_, as war correspondent. His letters were read with great avidity, and were replete with wit, humor, and interesting anecdote. His extensive acquaintance enabled him to gather the earliest information, and his letters were always considered among the most reliable. A number of them will be found in the succeeding pages.

That "Incidents of the War" will be found instructive and entertaining, we can but believe, although Mr. Burnett's professional engagements precluded the possibility of his devoting that time and attention to its preparation which was almost imperative. It lays no particular claim to merit as a literary production--being a collection of letters and incidents, which Mr. B.'s publishers thought would be palatable to the public in their present form.

In the volume will be found several pieces for the superior rendition of which Mr. Burnett has been highly extolled. At the close will be found a famous debate, which, although not an incident of the war, is peculiarly spirited, and was delivered by Mr. Burnett before General Rosecrans.

For the graphic illustrations accompanying the volume, Mr. Burnett is indebted to Messrs. Jones & Hart, engravers, and Messrs. Ball & Thomas, photographic artists.

Mr. Burnett is still engaged in giving readings and recitations, in city and village, and, since the death of Winchell, stands almost alone in his profession. Upon a visit to England, some years since, he gained the praise of the English press and public, as a correct delineator of the passions, mimic, and humorist. He is never so well pleased as when before an audience, and receiving the applause of the judicious.

In conclusion, let us hope that "Incidents of the War" may be welcomed by that large number who have had relatives in the armies of the Union, and whose names may, perchance, be found in its pages, while we know the numerous friends of Mr. Burnett will hail its appearance with unfeigned delight.

CONTENTS.

PAGE
CHAPTER I 13

Preparatory Remarks -- Camp-Life -- Incidents of the Battle
of Perryville -- Brigadier-General Lytle -- Captain
McDougal, of the 3d Ohio -- Colonel Loomis -- After the
Battle -- Rebels Playing 'Possum -- Skeered! That Aint no
Name for it -- Camp Fun, in a Burlesque Letter to a Friend.

CHAPTER II 23

General Nelson -- The General and the Pie-Women -- The
Watchful Sentinel of the 2d Kentucky -- The Wagon-Master of
the 17th Indiana -- Death of General Nelson -- His Funeral
-- Colonel Nick Anderson's Opinion of Nelson.

CHAPTER III 37

Description of a Battle -- The 2d Ohio (Colonel Harris) at
Perryville -- Major-General McCook's Report -- Major-General
Rousseau's Report -- Sketch of Major-General A. McD. McCook.

CHAPTER IV 47

Looking for the Body of a Dead Nephew on the Field of
Murfreesboro -- The 6th Ohio at Murfreesboro -- The Dead of
the 6th -- The 36th Indiana -- Putting Contrabands to Some
Service -- Anxiety of Owners to Retain their Slaves --
Conduct of a Mistress -- "Don't Shoot, Massa, here I Is!" --
Kidd's Safeguard -- "Always Been a Union Man" -- Negroes
Exhibiting their Preference for their Friends.

CHAPTER V 57

Cutting Down a Rebel's Reserved Timber -- Home again --
Loomis and his Coldwater Battery -- Secession Poetry --
Heavy Joke on an "Egyptian" Regiment.

CHAPTER VI 64

General Turchin -- Mrs. General Turchin in Command of the
Vanguard of the 19th Illinois -- The 18th Ohio at Athens --
Children and Fools always Tell the Truth -- Picket Talk --
About Soldiers Voting -- Captain Kirk's Line of Battle.

CHAPTER VII 70

Comic Scenes -- Importation of Yankees -- Wouldn't Go Round
-- Major Boynton and the Chicken -- Monotony of Camp-Life --
Experience on a Scouting Expedition -- Larz Anderson, Esq.,
in Camp -- A Would-be Secessionist Caught in his Own Trap --
Guthrie Gray Bill of Fare for a Rebel "Reception" -- Pic
Russell among the Snakes.

CHAPTER VIII 80

Fun in the 123d Ohio -- A Thrilling Incident of the War --
General Kelley -- Vote under Strange Circumstances -- Die,
but never Surrender.

CHAPTER IX 87

Our Hospitals -- No Hope -- A Short and Simple Story -- A
Soldier's Pride -- The Last Letter -- Soldierly Sympathy --
The Hospitals at Gallatin, and their Ministering Angels.

CHAPTER X 99

Sports in Camp -- Anecdote of the 63d Ohio and Colonel
Sprague -- Soldier's Dream of Home -- The Wife's Reply.

CHAPTER XI 107

The Atrocities of Slavery -- The Beauties of the Peculiar
Institution -- A few Well-substantiated Facts -- Visit to
Gallatin, Tennessee.

CHAPTER XII 124

General Schofield -- Colonel Durbin Ward -- Colonel Connell
-- Women in Breeches -- Another Incident of the War -- Negro
Sermon.

CHAPTER XIII 135

Letter from Cheat Mountain -- the Women of the South --
Gilbert's Brigade.

CHAPTER XIV 143

Confessions of a Fat Man -- Home-Guard -- The Negro on the
Fence -- A Camp Letter of Early Times -- "Sweetharts"
against War.

CHAPTER XV 156

The Winter Campaign in Virginia -- Didn't Know of the
Rebellion -- General W. H. Lytle -- Drilling -- A Black
Nightingale's Song.

CHAPTER XVI 167

Old Stonnicker and Colonel Marrow, of 3d Ohio -- General
Garnett and his Dogs -- "Are You the Col-o-nel of this
Post?" -- Profanity in the Army -- High Price of Beans in
Camp -- A Little Game of "Draw."

CHAPTER XVII 172

Hard on the Sutler: Spiritualism Tried -- A Specimen of
Southern Poetry -- Singular -- March to Nashville -- General
Steadman Challenged by a Woman -- Nigger Question -- "Rebels
Returning."

CHAPTER XVIII 181

Going into Battle -- Letter to the Secesh -- General
Garfield, Major-General Rosecrans's Chief of Staff --
General Lew Wallace -- The Siege of Cincinnati -- Parson
Brownlow -- Colonel Charles Anderson.

CHAPTER XIX 188

An Episode of the War -- Laughable Incident -- Old Mrs.
Wiggles on Picket Duty -- General Manson -- God Bless the
Soldiers -- Negro's Pedigree of Abraham Lincoln -- A Middle
Tennessee Preacher -- A Laconic Speech.

CHAPTER XX 194

Union Men Scarce -- How They Are Dreaded -- Incidents -- The
Wealthy Secessionists and Poor Union Widows -- The John
Morgans of Rebellion -- A Contraband's Explanation of the
Mystery -- Accident at the South Tunnel -- Impudence of the
Rebels -- A Pathetic Appeal, etc.

CHAPTER XXI 201

A Friendly Visit for Corn into an Egyptian Country -- Ohio
Regiments -- "Corn or Blood" -- "Fanny Battles" -- The
Constitution Busted in Several Places -- Edicts against
Dinner-horns, by Colonel Brownlow's Cavalry -- A Signal
Station Burned -- Two Rebel Aids Captured.

CHAPTER XXII 207

Reward for a Master -- Turning the Tables -- Dan Boss and
his Adventure -- Major Pic Russell -- A Visit to the
Outposts with General Jeff C. Davis -- Rebel Witticisms --
Hight Igo, Ye Eccentric Quarter-Master -- Fling Out to the
Breeze, Boys.

CHAPTER XXIII 216

Defense of the Conduct of the German Regiments at Hartsville
-- To the Memory of Captain W. Y. Gholson -- Colonel Toland
vs. Contraband Whisky.

CHAPTER XXIV 222

War and Romance -- Colonel Fred Jones -- Hanging in the Army
-- General A. J. Smith vs. Dirty Guns.

CHAPTER XXV 232

A Trip into the Enemy's Country -- The Rebels twice Driven
back by General Steadman -- Incidents of the Charge of the
1st Tennessee Cavalry, under Major Tracy -- The 35th and 9th
Ohio in the Fight -- Colonel Moody and the 74th Ohio --
Colonel Moody on the Battle-field.

CHAPTER XXVI 240

A Wedding in the Army -- A Bill of Fare in Camp -- Dishonest
Female Reb -- Private Cupp -- To the 13th Ohio.

CHAPTER XXVII 248

The Oath -- A Conservative Darkey's Opinion of Yankees --
Visit to the Graves of Ohio and Indiana Boys -- Trip from
Murfreesboro to Louisville -- Nashville Convalescents -- A
Death in the Hospital -- Henry Lovie Captured.

CHAPTER XXVIII 256

General Steadman Superseded by General Schofield, of
Missouri -- Colonel Brownlow's Regiment -- His Bravery -- A
Rebel Officer Killed by a Woman -- Discontent in East
Tennessee -- Picket Duty and its Dangers -- A Gallant Deed
and a Chivalrous Return.

CHAPTER XXIX 263

An Incident at Holly Springs, Miss. -- The Raid by Van Dorn
-- Cincinnati Cotton-Dealers in Trouble -- Troubles of a
Reporter.

CHAPTER XXX 268

A Reporter's Idea of Mules -- Letter from Kentucky --
Chaplain Gaddis Turns Fireman -- Gaddis and the Secesh
Grass-Widow.

CHAPTER XXXI 279

A Visit to the 1st East Tennessee Cavalry -- A Proposed
Sermon -- Its Interruption -- How ye Preacher is Bamboozled
out of $15 and a Gold Watch -- Cavalry on the Brain -- Old
Stonnicker Drummed Out of Camp -- Now and Then.

CHAPTER XXXII 289

An Incident of the 5th O. V. I. -- How to Avoid the Draft --
Keep the Soldiers' Letters -- New Use of Blood-hounds --
Proposition to Hang the Dutch Soldiers -- The Stolen Stars.

Debate Between Slabsides and Garrotte. 303

Sermon From "Harp of a Thousand Strings." 308

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS.

PORTRAIT OF ALF BURNETT.

SKEERED! THAT AINT NO NAME FOR IT.

RUNAWAY SCRAPE IN VIRGINIA.

SPORTS IN CAMP.

FAT VOLUNTEER.

OLD STONNICKER DRUMMED OUT OF CAMP.

DEBATE BETWEEN SLABSIDES AND GARROTTE.

SERMON--"HARP OF A THOUSAND STRINGS."

INCIDENTS OF THE WAR.