Chapter I: Front Matter

OF ROYD HALL, AND ITS LITERARY GUEST WHO HAD AN IMPOSSIBLE
WIFE 24

CHAPTER IV

OF MISS ARKROYD AND HER AVIARY. HOW MR. CHALLIS WALKED IN
THE GARDEN WITH HER. OF MR. TRIPTOLEMUS WRAXALL. AND
OF HOW MR. CHALLIS WROTE TO HIS WIFE 37

CHAPTER V

OF A RAINY DAY AT ROYD. HOW A MOTOR-CAR CAME TO GRIEF. HOW
MISS ARKROYD'S MOTHER WENT TO THANES CASTLE AND SHE HERSELF
DIDN'T 46

CHAPTER VI

OF THE GRAUBOSCHIAN PHILOSOPHY. HOW JUDITH ARKROYD WALKED
WITH MR. CHALLIS TO THE RECTORY. HOW HE SAID NOTHING
ABOUT HIS WIFE BEING HIS DECEASED WIFE'S SISTER. HOW HE
WAS OUT OF HIS ELEMENT AT THE RECTORY. SALADIN AND HIS
CAT. HIS HEDGEHOG 57

CHAPTER VII

OF OTHER GUESTS AND THEIR TALK. OF A SOFA-HAVEN AND HOW MISS
ARKROYD PERCEIVED THAT MR. CHALLIS COULD WRITE A TRAGEDY.
BEAUTY A MATTER OF OPINION 76

CHAPTER VIII

OF HOW NO ACCIDENT HAD REALLY HAPPENED TO THE MOTOR-CAR.
OF A COMBAT BETWEEN TWO SISTERS, CHIEFLY ABOUT THOSE
OF PEOPLE'S DECEASED WIVES. OF FLIRTATIONS WITH MARRIED
MEN. HOW CHALLIS WROTE A LONG AMUSING LETTER TO
MARIANNE 89

CHAPTER IX

HOW MARIANNE SHOWED THAT LETTER TO AN INTIMATE FRIEND,
MRS. ELDRIDGE. WHERE WAS THAT SOFA? OF COUNTRY AND
TOWN HOUSES. JEALOUSY 101

CHAPTER X

CHALLIS'S _adieu_ TO MISS ARKROYD. A LONG RIDE HOME, AND A
COLD WELCOME. BUT IT WAS JOLLY TO BE BACK, AT ANY RATE.
MISS ARKROYD'S MESSAGE DELIVERED 120

CHAPTER XI

VATTED RUM CORNER, AND CHESTNUTS. A YOUNG TURK. HOW
LIZARANN TOLD MOTHER GROVES OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN.
OF AN AMBULANCE, AND WHAT WAS IN IT. HOW LIZARANN
WENT HOME WITHOUT DADDY 135

CHAPTER XII

HOW UNCLE BOB HAD THE HORRORS. HOW LIZARANN ATE COLD
CHESTNUTS IN BED. DELIRIUM TREMENS. HOW JIM COULD
SEE AT NIGHT, AND WAS UNDER THE BED. POLICE! 148

CHAPTER XIII

HOW THE RECTOR OF ROYD TOOK A WRONG TURNING, AND PICKED
UP LIZARANN IN THE SNOW. MR. STEPTOE'S KNIFE, AND HOW
LIZARANN MADE HIM LEAVE HOLD OF IT. HOW AUNT STINGY
WAS HANDY IN CASE OF ANYTHING, AND UNCLE BOB WENT TO
SLEEP ON A SECOND-HAND SOFA 163

CHAPTER XIV

OF THE END OF THE BLIZZARD, AND OF SIMON MAGUS. HOW MR.
TAYLOR FOUND A DOCTOR. OF A CHASE THROUGH THE SNOW, AND
A CANAL LOCK. WHAT WAS FOUND IN IT. BUT SIMON WAS
INVISIBLE 175

CHAPTER XV

HOW LIZARANN WAS TAKEN TO MISS FOSSETT'S, BUT HAD A STITCH
IN HER SIDE, AND WASN'T TO GO TO DADDY TO-DAY. HOW THE
RECTOR WENT TO JIM IN THE HOSPITAL, AND JIM WAS DISAPPOINTED
ABOUT HIM 187

CHAPTER XVI

BREAKFAST IN GROSVENOR SQUARE. STRAINED RELATIONS OF TWO
SISTERS. A BATTLE INTERRUPTED. SAMARIA A GOOD-NATURED
PLACE. WHO WAS TO PAY? 202

CHAPTER XVII

LADY ARKROYD'S VISIT TO JIM. GOODY TALK. JIM AND HIS MAKER.
HOW MR. TAYLOR VISITED ANOTHER CASE. A DEATH-BED CONFESSION 213

CHAPTER XVIII

THAT NASTY LITTLE STETHOSCOPE! A RETROSPECT ABOUT THE
RECTOR AND MISS FOSSETT. A TRANSACTION IN KISSES. AUNT
STINGY'S WEEDS, AND WHAT A GOOD COOK SHE WAS 225

CHAPTER XIX

HOW AUNT STINGY BECAME MARIANNE'S COOK. A MOST OFFENSIVE
BIBLE CLASS. MR. CHALLIS'S JUDITH. ESTRILD AND THE
OSTROGOTHS. THE ACROPOLIS CLUB 236

CHAPTER XX

MRS. ELDRIDGE IN FULL BLOW. THE IMPROPER STUDY OF MANKIND.
NOTHING REALLY WRONG! AN IDENTIFICATION WITH A VENGEANCE.
HOW CHALLIS CAME HOME LATE 248

CHAPTER XXI

HOW JIM RETURNED HOME, ALL BUT ONE LEG, AND LIZARANN CALLED
ON HIM. HAD THE DEVIL GOT UNCLE BOB? HOW BRIDGETTICKS
HAD HEARD OF A SCHEME FOR LIZARANN'S BENEFIT 263

CHAPTER XXII

THE EXACT STORY OF CHALLIS'S FIRST WIFE'S FIRST MARRIAGE.
HOW HE AND MARIANNE MISSED THEIR EXPLANATION. CHARLOTTE
THE DETECTIVE. CHALLIS'S SECOND COURTSHIP, IN A NUTSHELL 276

CHAPTER XXIII

HOW CHALLIS CALLED ON MISS ARKROYD IN GROSVENOR SQUARE.
A SPRAINED ANKLE. ON THE EDGE OF A PRECIPICE. KING
SOLOMON AND HIS DJINN BOTTLE 284

CHAPTER XXIV

HOW MARIANNE WENT TO TULSE HILL. OF BOB'S PHONOGRAPH,
AND HOW HE POSTED A LETTER TO JUDITH. OF MARIANNE'S
RETURN, AND MORE MISUNDERSTANDINGS. BUT IT WOULD BE
ALL RIGHT IN THE MORNING 297

CHAPTER XXV

OF AN UNCALLED FAMILY ROW, AND HOW BOB'S BREAKFAST WAS
POSTPONED. OF A LETTER FROM JUDITH THAT MADE MATTERS WORSE 315

CHAPTER XXVI

AT ROYD AGAIN. THE BREAD OF IDLENESS. A GOOD PLAIN COOK.
A DIALOGUE BETWEEN A PRIEST AND A PROFANE AUTHOR. THE
RECTORY AND ITS GUEST, LIZARANN. HOW THE CARRIAGE DIDN'T
STOP 323

CHAPTER XXVII

HOW JUDITH'S STAGE MANIA HAD COOLED. TROUT BEND, AND A
TICKLISH INTERVIEW. HALF-A-MILE OFF TEA. A DISCUSSION
ON RELIGIOUS EDUCATION 337

CHAPTER XXVIII

THE BRITISH HOUSEKEEPER. HOW MRS. ELDRIDGE CAME INSTEAD
OF TO-MORROW. HER ADVICE. TELEGRAPH GIRLS. A FRENCH
WOMAN'S IDEAS. HOW THE CAT GOT NO SLEEP. HOW MARIANNE
POSTED A CIVIL SORT OF LETTER IN THE PILLAR-BOX, AND
WAS SORRY 353

CHAPTER XXIX

HOW CHALLIS MET LIZARANN IN SOCIETY. OF A LECTURE THE
RECTOR READ CHALLIS, AND ITS EFFECT ON HIS IMAGE OF
MARIANNE. HOW HE HADN'T BEEN TO ASHCROFT. IT WAS AN
UNSATISFACTORY LETTER THAT! 368

CHAPTER XXX

HOW CHALLIS HAD A NEW NEIGHBOUR AT DINNER AND METAPHYSICS
AFTER. HOW HE WAS GUILTY OF EAVESDROPPING, AND MET
MISS ARKROYD AFTER IN A LITTLE GARDEN CALLED TOPHET.
A FOOL'S PASSION. WHAT ABOUT BOB? 382

CHAPTER XXXI

CONCERNING A ROSEBUD, AND MARIANNE'S TORTOISESHELL KNIFE.
CHALLIS'S PRESENCE OF MIND. THE FOOL ON FIRE. DEFINITION
WANTED OF DEFINITION. CHALLIS'S SUDDEN CALL BACK
TO TOWN. HOW SIBYL HAD SEEN IT ALL 394

CHAPTER XXXII

HOW LIZARANN AND JOAN PLAYED TRUANT. OF A RIDE IN A
MOTOR, AND ITS BAD EFFECTS. HOW LIZARANN CONVALESCED,
AND JUDITH WALKED HOME FROM CHURCH WITH THE RECTOR.
HOW MARIANNE HAD BOLTED WITH THE TWO CHILDREN 412

CHAPTER XXXIII

CHALLIS'S INSIPID RETURN HOME. WHAT HAD IT ALL BEEN, THIS
DREAM? OLD LINKS WITH BYGONES. HOW CONFESS, AND
TO WHAT? OF A FIRE GOD GAVE FOR OTHER ENDS 425

CHAPTER XXXIV

A BAD RAILWAY ACCIDENT. AND, AFTER ALL, MARIANNE WAS AT
HOME. CHALLIS'S REPORT OF ROYD. BUT, NO!--MARIANNE
WOULDN'T HAVE JUDITH SLURRED OVER 434

CHAPTER XXXV

OF MUTUAL MISTRUST. HANDSOME JUDITH! BUT MARIANNE HAD
NO WISH TO PRY INTO HER AFFAIRS. HOW MATTERS WERE
COMFORTABLER. PLEASE BURN THAT POSTSCRIPT! CHALLIS'S
EXPLANATION. HOW IT FAILED, AND HE WENT FOR A WALK 444

CHAPTER XXXVI

HOW CHALLIS AND HIS WIFE PARTED. A DINNER AT THE CLUB,
AND HIS RETURN FROM IT. WHAT HAS BECOME OF YOUR MISTRESS?
A LETTER FROM MARIANNE CRAIK. DAMN CHARLOTTE
ELDRIDGE! 456

CHAPTER XXXVII

HOW CHALLIS COULDN'T BELIEVE MARIANNE WAS IN EARNEST.
HOW HE SOUGHT HER AND FAILED. THE EYES OF HOLY WRIT.
THE DISGRACEFUL TRUTH. DEAR MISS ARKROYD! WHY FIGHT
AGAINST INFLICTED LIBERTY? GLENVAIRLOCH TO LET 465

CHAPTER XXXVIII

THE EMPTY HERMITAGE. A COMPROMISE ABOUT BOB. HOW MRS.
STEPTOE HAD NOTHING TO CONCEAL. HOW CINTILLA CAUGHT
MR. CHALLIS. CALYPSO'S RUG ISLAND. GOOD-BYE! PROMISE
NOT TO COME TO BIARRITZ! THE SKEIN WOUND 481

CHAPTER XXXIX

OF THE NEWS MR. ELPHINSTONE TOLD MRS. PROTHEROE. HOW
CHALLIS HAD FOLLOWED JUDITH TO MENTONE. YOUNG MRS.
CRAIK AND HER DEAD DICKY-BIRD. HOW CHALLIS BECAME
A KNIGHT 497

CHAPTER XL

HOW MISS FOSSETT WENT TO ROYD. ON SUSPENSION OF OPINION.
ANXIETY ABOUT LIZARANN. A VISIT TO JIM, AND A RETROSPECT.
HOW MISS FOSSETT MADE A NICE MESS OF IT 513

CHAPTER XLI

HOW JIM FOUND A MISSION IN LIFE, AND LIZARANN MOVED TO
MRS. FORKS'S COTTAGE. OF A FINE AUTUMN, AND HOW ALL
WAS RIGHT TILL SOMETHING WENT WRONG. OF A SEASIDE
SCHEME, AND ITS EFFECTS ON JIM 523

CHAPTER XLII

HOW A NAUGHTY LITTLE GIRL CAME OUT IN THE COLD AND TALKED
TO HER DADDY. AND HOW WINTER MADE HER WORSE. OF A
TALK BETWEEN THE RECTOR AND MISS FOSSETT, AND A SUGGESTION
SHE MADE TO HIM 534

CHAPTER XLIII

CHALLIS'S VISIT TO THE RECTORY. A VISIT TO JIM AT THE WELL.
HOW LIZARANN WAS AT THE SEASIDE. ST. AUGUSTIN'S SUMMER. HOW
THEY MET SALADIN. HOW CHALLIS TOLD ALL 543

CHAPTER XLIV

THE RECTOR'S OPINION, AND WHY IT CARRIED NO WEIGHT. OF THE
EFFICACY OF PRAYER, AND WHY CHALLIS DOUBTED IT. YET THE
RECTOR TOLERATED HIS IMPIETY 552

CHAPTER XLV

HOW CHALLIS AND JUDITH MET AGAIN AT TROUT BEND, AND TALKED
IT OVER. HOW SHE CRIED OFF, FEELING SECURE. AND OF THE
ARRANGEMENT THEY MADE. OF A CENTENARIAN WHO GOT HALF-A-SOVEREIGN 563

CHAPTER XLVI

HOW LIZARANN SAW THE SEA, AND A CHINESE LADY WROTE A BAD
ACCOUNT OF HER TO HER FRIENDS. HOW IT NEVER REACHED
JIM, AND MISS FOSSETT WAS WIRED FOR. HOW THE RECTOR
HAD TO GO TO CHIPPING CHESTER 574

CHAPTER XLVII

OF THE APPROACH OF LIZARANN'S RETURN, AND HOW JIM'S HOPES
WERE FED BY OLD DAVID. HOW JIM DID NOT CURSE A MOTOR-CAR.
HOW LIZARANN DIED OF TUBERCULOSIS 585

CHAPTER XLVIII

HOW JIM ADDED STORIES TO HIS AIR-CASTLE, AND SMOKED HIS LAST
PIPE. HOW HE KNEW CHALLIS'S VOICE AGAIN. WHO HAD TO
BE AT THE PARK GATE BY NINE. HOW JIM HEARD THE MOTOR
COMING BACK, AND LIZARANN'S VOICE. HOW ATHELSTAN TAYLOR
ARRIVED WITHOUT HER. OF JIM'S DEATH, AND HERS 599

CHAPTER XLIX

JUDITH'S VAGARIES. HOW SHE BROUGHT SIR ALFRED CHALLIS,
INSENSIBLE, TO ROYD HALL IN A MOTOR. A MESSAGE PER
MR. BROWNRIGG TO THE RECTOR. HOW TO PROBE THE MYSTERY.
JUDITH'S RESERVE. PUBLIC IMPATIENCE. THE CHAUFFEUR'S
TESTIMONY 614

CHAPTER L

OF MARIANNE AT BROADSTAIRS, AND THE CONSTRUCTION OF A
"DREADNOUGHT." AND HOW SHE READ OF HER HUSBAND'S
ACCIDENT ON ITS ARMOUR-PLATES, AND AT ONCE STARTED
FOR ROYD. BUT SUPPOSE THEY CALLED HER "LADY CHALLIS"! 628

CHAPTER LI

HOW CHALLIS CAME TO, AND SPOKE. BUT HE ASKED FOR MARIANNE,
AND DIDN'T KNOW JUDITH FROM ADAM. HOW THE LATTER
PROMISED TO TELL HER FATHER. THE WORLD'S GUESSES,
MEANWHILE. HOW THE DUCHESS SAID WHAT THE POINT WAS,
AND CHALLIS RELAPSED 643

CHAPTER LII

OF JUDITH'S STATE OF MIND, AND HOW SHE TOLD HER FATHER.
BUT DID NOT IMPRESS HIM AS HE WOULD HAVE WISHED. WHO
KNOWS WHAT JUDITH WAS? OF A MYSTERIOUS VISITOR TO THE
HALL. HOW NO ONE RECOGNIZED MARIANNE. IS MY HUSBAND
DYING? A SCENE ON THE BIG STAIRCASE, AND HOW TWO TOFFS
WERE FAR FROM ODIOUS. HOW THE NURSE RECOGNIZED ATHELSTAN
TAYLOR. HOW JUDITH SAID GOOD-BYE TO CHALLIS. HOW
IT CAME OUT WHO MR. KEITH HORNE'S FRIEND WAS 652

CHAPTER LIII

A POSTSCRIPT. MR. AND MRS. ATHELSTAN TAYLOR. MR. AND
MRS. BROWNRIGG. ODDS AND ENDS OF SEQUELS. THE DREAM
VANISHES, READABLE BITS AND ALL! 674

THE AUTHOR TO HIS READERS ONLY 688

IT NEVER CAN HAPPEN AGAIN