Chapter VI

Obnoxious as Brag’s first voyage had been to the numerous negative evils which ordinarily attend such enterprises, it certainly differed very considerably in one respect; it had, by the circumstances which it had involved, brought to a crisis the affair between Selwyn and Fanny Hastings.

In looking at society, it is more curious than agreeable to see how very much of selfishness pervades everything connected with its affairs. I have elsewhere recorded the opinion of my poor friend Moss, who said that six-and-eightpence was at the bottom of everything in this world,--an opinion of the correctness of which every day’s fresh experience the more fully satisfies me. Lady Lavinia’s six-and-eightpenny feeling was evinced--it must be owned prudentially, in her resolution not to sanction a marriage between her niece and the young author; but her selfishness was still more strongly exhibited in pressing him into a constant association with her, because _she_ herself enjoyed his society, and was pleased with the _éclat_ of having even so tame a lion in her menagerie. There he was, and there he continued to be, and there he would have continued to be for the next year or two, living in a state of constant fever of dread and anxiety, hope and fear, had not her ladyship’s ill-breeding, coupled, to be sure, with Captain Hazleby’s coarseness, brought the affair to what some might consider a premature conclusion.

Whatever might have been the night-thoughts of the beaten, mortified, and mystified Jack, after he retired to roost, and not to rest, those of Selwyn at his inn, and Fanny Hastings at her aunt’s, were of a nature not much better calculated to promote slumber. She had confessed--committed herself; he was pledged to _her_.

It is wonderful to think what a very little time it takes to do very great things;--a match to a mine; a finger on a trigger; a knife to the rope which holds the balloon to earth; the last blow of the mallet against the last dog-shore of a ship on the slip.--Here, the one--one squeeze of a hand in an obscure corner of a tallow-chandler’s yacht had decided the fate of two people,--changed the whole character of their relative positions, and opened to their views and imaginations prospects of their future existence, of which the night before they would scarcely have dreamed.

No few hours are fuller of interest, of every varied nature and character, than those which follow an offer and acceptance. The hour after a rejection is one, perhaps, of triumph to the “scornful lady,” and perhaps, she revels in it; but when the “aye” is once pronounced, see what a train of thoughts occupy her mind:--the doubts--the fears which agitate her, lest she has rashly yielded her heart, confided herself and her destiny to the care of her lover, and bound herself to share his fortunes, bear with his temper, bend to his will, and submit herself to his dictation, however gently asserted or mildly urged; to live with him perhaps through a long life, and have no confidence but in him. All these things were floating in Fanny’s mind, mingled, it is true, with bright hopes and cheerful anticipations. Selwyn’s genius and accomplishments were all to her; the one would secure him competence,--the other soothe and charm them in his leisure hours:--and they could and would be _so_ happy in their cottage?

Selwyn felt equally sanguine and enthusiastic as to the ulterior results, but with a manly mind, so different from the devotedness of woman, his ardour was damped and his rapture checked by the doubts which occupied him, whether he should be able, in his present circumstances, to offer his beloved such a home as she could, without submitting to the most serious inconvenience, accept. These calculations and speculations, which engrossed the whole night, were concluded by a resolution the next day to try fair means at all events, before he resorted to foul; and afford Lady Lavinia the opportunity of giving him her niece, before he took the liberty of taking her without permission.

As for Brag, when he sat down to breakfast, he was, as they say, “quite another guess sort of man” from what he had been; and as he swallowed his tasteless fish and unsatisfactory “broil,” every indignity which he had suffered during the preceding day rose in his mind. To think that the servant, whom he really had engaged, should be referred to, and even deferred to, in preference to himself; that although he had paid--or rather incurred--eight hundred pounds for the yacht, it should still be considered by his free-and-easy visitors as if it were still Captain Chipstead’s; that he should have been left on board for the second trip of the boat, when he certainly ought to have gone ashore with Lady Lavinia; that he should have been soused in the water, and carried “pickback” on shore by one of his own crew; and that Dr. Munx, of whom he had never heard before he saw him ready to eat his luncheon and drink his champagne--certainly not in infinitesimal quantities--should have made his own man laugh at him by making his own joke on his unpleasant condition,--were all galling enough: but when the apprehension of the absolute necessity of giving a ball to a hundred people of whom he knew nothing upon earth, stared him in the face, poor Jack began to think that he had carried his joke a little too far.

Yet after all, Jack will not be a much greater fool than his neighbours in this respect, even if he consent to victimize himself in such a proceeding; for, incredible as it may appear, the fact is, that within these few last years, instances have over and over again occurred, in which certain Nobodies, who happen to have fine houses, have been glad to let the few Somebodies they chance to know, invite the Everybodies of _their_ acquaintance to balls and parties, in order to make a display; and other cases in which, on the other hand, the Nobodies are permitted to borrow the fine houses of the Somebodies, in order to make the _fête_ come reasonable to the noble owners, who are, of course, entitled to make their own party as they please.

Jack’s temper, acidulated as it was, was by no means mollified by the appearance of Hickman while he was breakfasting, with a list of things which he said were positively essential to the comfort of a yacht, which had not yet been provided; nor was this new accession of ill-humour at all qualified by Mr. Hickman’s intelligence, that Captain Hazleby’s man had made out the said catalogue of comforts by his master’s direction. Jack read the paper, and desired Hickman to leave it, resolving at all events to show his _own_ servant that he was determined to judge for himself,--at the same time trembling inwardly lest by making any resistance to the importunities of Hazleby, he should subject himself to the fire of his ridicule, which he dreaded and detested as much as he did the pert satire of the odious Dr. Munx.

Scarcely had he swallowed his first cup of tea before a three-cornered note arrived from Lady Lavinia, begging to know at what time they were to be on board.

“What does she mean?” thought Jack:--“on board! What! does she want to go again to-day, after all the miseries we suffered yesterday?” This question, put to himself, was speedily answered by Hickman making his appearance to enquire how many were expected at luncheon. What could he say? What could he do? Here he was:--he had bought the yacht obviously to gratify this particular lady, who felt herself consequently bound to show her gratitude by earnestly patronizing it. In fact, he had at length gained the great object of his life,--he was literally sought and courted by an earl’s daughter, who with that enviable rank, combined the more substantial attributes of a well-jointured widow. The consequences of this success it was as difficult for him to avert as it had been easy to foresee. A fish in the air, or a bird in the water, could not be more completely out of its element than Jack when he was in the society with which he was always anxious to mix: there is but one word conventionally used which aptly expresses his position under such circumstances,--he was regularly “_basketted_.”

So long as horses and races, and gates and fences, were the topics of conversation, so long could Jack carry on,--and the whole thing went smack, smooth, and no mistake; but the Isle of Wight was not a hunting country, nor did the sports of the field at all assimilate with the delicate sensibility of Lady Lavinia, who nevertheless felt grateful in the extreme for the absolute devotion of Mr. Brag to her will and wishes, which afforded so striking a contrast to the negative civility of the rest of the Cowes circle.

“Ask Bung,” said Jack to his servant, “what time we are to go; and I’ll write a note to Lady Lavinia to know how many I am to have to luncheon.”

“Her ladyship has sent Mr. Tackandtape, the upholsterer,” said Hickman, “to say that he can let you have every article of furniture,--forms, benches, tables, chairs, lamps, candlesticks--that you may want for the ball, and will be glad to supply you on the most moderate terms.”

“The ball!” said Jack--“what ball?”

“The ball you are going to give, sir,” said Hickman, “at Lady Wattle’s. Her ladyship’s cook has been here this morning to tell me that he can manage the whole of the soups and anything hot in his own kitchen; and that----”

“But I don’t know what you mean!” said Jack.

“You settled it all yesterday, sir, on board,” said Hickman.

“Did I?” said Jack:--“well, we’ll see about it to-morrow then. I--I’ll write to Lady Lavinia:--is her servant waiting?”

“Yes, sir,” said Hickman,--and retired.

Jack’s literary powers were not of the highest order. He wrote a note--tore it up: wrote another,--his great puzzle being as to the mode of spelling one or two words most essential to the perfection of his present communication; those were, yacht and Psyche. There was a choice of evils, for either would answer his purpose; but the alternative was no advantage: he spelt yacht, yott; then he did not think that that looked right; then he could not recall at the moment the regular mode of doing it, but established the spelling of a signboard in the street of Cowes to be _the_ thing--upon which, at _that_ time, and maybe now, for all I know, the word was spelt yatch.

Psyche was metamorphosed into Physce, and ultimately made into Physic, but it would not do; and so, after spoiling some four or five sheets of note paper, inking the table-cloth, and the morning-gown, in which he was breakfasting, he rang the bell, and desired Hickman to tell Lady Lavinia’s servant that he was too unwell to write, but begged her ladyship to make her own arrangements.

This message was scarcely delivered when two letters from London were delivered to Jack, exemplifying upon this special occasion the truth of the adage, that,--“misfortunes never come alone.” One was in a hand unknown to Jack, the other he at once recognised as having been written by his mother: there could be no doubt which of the two to open--that from the old lady could only contain family matters; what might be enveloped in the folds of the other epistle, he could not guess, and accordingly its bonds were burst, and Jack read as follows:--

Lincoln’s Inn, August 17th.

“DEAR SIR,

“I hasten to inform you that the case--‘Grindleston, _versus_ Brag
and others,’ was tried yesterday at Hertford, before Mr. Justice
Dodo. The jury was composed of very intelligent respectable men;
of course we had not the assistance of the counsel whom I named to
you, inasmuch as they do not go circuit; but we had the leaders, and
every exertion was made to secure a favourable result. I am sorry
to say, as indeed I had the pleasure to mention to you when we were
conferring on the subject I expected it to be, that the verdict was
against the defendants, with fifty pounds damages.

“The conduct of the opposite party was marked by a very unnecessary
degree of malignity. Plaintiff’s counsel was instructed to go into
matters with which, in my humble opinion, they had no business to
meddle, and in fact adopted a course which I never could bring myself
to recommend or advise, and it became perfectly evident to me, from
the line taken, that the whole weight of vindictiveness was to be
thrown upon _you_, to whom the learned gentlemen on the other side
made some most improper and uncalled-for allusions, founded, I have
no doubt, either in malice or misinformation on the part of the
Grindlestones.

“I have written by this post to Lord Wagley, and shall forward the
county paper of to-morrow, in which the trial will no doubt be fully
reported.

“I have the honour to remain,
“Your faithful servant,
“HENRY LEVERET.”

John Brag, Esq.

“That’s a regular spill,” said Jack to himself. “I wonder what the fellow said of _me_;--couldn’t have hinted at my attempts to destroy Grindleston’s peace of mind;--no fault of mine, it was all Mrs. G.’s doing, and no mistake; only she got frightened, and so repented; that’s all. Perhaps he gave some slap at the shop, shouldn’t wonder: and that infernal attorney to think of sending the report of the trial _here_! I hope he’ll send it to _me_. I’ll take care it goes no farther if he does; fifty pounds damages,--five on us,--that’s only ten a-piece. Then to be sure, there’s the costs. Well, I’m going it now. However, I have got my three hundred pounds at my bankers--nest egg; _that_, I won’t touch, ‘please the pigs,’--pay small bills in ready cash,--let the big ones wait. I’ll do yet with Lady Lavinia’s four thousand a-year; but it strikes me that there’s no time to be lost. If that infernal paper comes here to-morrow, I’m done, straight up, right down, and no mistake.”

Having thus far soliloquised, he proceeded to open the second letter, and read,

No 71, Elysium Row, Brickfields, Pentonville.
(near the Gas-Works.)

“DEAR JOHN,

“I am come up here for a change of hair, for I have been in a delcat
state since we parted at Lewis; and a pretty parting it was: and such
a gurney nobody ever had in this precious world. I got wet to the
skin on account of the rain, which powered torrens on me, and then I
went inside, and sat, and quite smoked in dryin’. But I have such
a tail for you. When we got to the place where they do the chops,
two fine frizzlemegig dandies which had been in the inside of the
coach, got out, and guv me and J. S. their places. In the coach was
a midole age respectable-looken woman, which sot opposite me; and
opposite J. S. sot a little French woman, with green speckteckles
on, and so we went all sochable, and I had forty winks off to sleep,
never a-dreaming of no nonsense of no kind, and we got safe to the
‘Oliphant and Cassell,’ and was put into what they call the branch
coch, to take us to the citty; when, just as we was drivin off, the
little mounsheer woman which wore the barnacles, whips them off her
nose, and says to me, out of the window, says she, with the greatest
imperence, ‘Good day, Mrs. S.; when next you goes to the play I hopes
you’ll behave better,’ Can’t you guess who it was? Why, as true as
I’m sitting here looking at the brick-fields, and smelling the gas
for the benefit of my ’ealth, it was that monkified Miss Ogg,--she,
which played the nigger’s wife the night before.

“I wur so mad with Jemes, I could have killed him; he swore till he
was black in the face he did not know it himself, but I said to him,
says I, ‘You must have knowed it was the minx’s mother. She hadn’t
got no barnacles on.’ Whereupon he confessed he did know it, but
thought I wur so wet I’d better get in, and it would have done all
well enough, for I shud have knowed nothink about it if it had not
been for her imperence which could not keep her secret to herself.

“Then Jemes up and told me that the tall dandy which got out when I
got in, was a Mr. Somebody, who acted the nigger; which I could not
bileeve, because he was as white as you are: but he swore to it,
and told me that the way he made himself look black was by rubbin’
his face over with pomatum and lamp-black, which I cannot bileeve,
likewise, for it is so nasty. However, Jemes has behaved very well
too me since, never mentions that cretur’s name, and has taken me
these nice apartments, for wich we pay only five and twenty shillings
a week, coals included, which I think moderate, for the hair is
uncommon fine, and I have, besides the Gas Works, a beautiful view of
the Kilns, and the Fever Hospital, which is quite close. Jemes comes
home here as soon as he can in the evenings, except Saturdays, when he
sleeps in town, as also on those days when he goes out for orders,
for which purpose he has got a nice horse and shay, which, I am sorry
to say, is of no use to me, because I cannot get into it on account
of my leg.

“What I particlarly write to you about, is this:--we have had a
good large order for articles to be sent to a Captain Wilford in
Berkshire. They were staying at a hotel in town when the order come,
and we know nothing of them. Jemes has just heard that they are
at Cowes, and although you do not like business, he thought that,
without putting yourself out of the way, you might just find out
whether they are safe customers to deal with. A line at your earliest
convenience will oblige.

“I have seen nothing of the fine Miss since we parted at the
‘Oliphant;’ and so I hope not to be made oneasy any more upon her
account. I hope you are quite well, and happy; I shall be very glad
to see you when you come back to town. I have always something in the
house here; and the people are very civil, and will do up anything
for you in a few minutes, come whenever you will.

“Your affectionate mother,
“E. SALMON.

“P. S. Their names is Wilford, and lives at Brunkton House, somewhere
near Reddin. J. S. desires his regard, and to mention your bill for
500_l._, doo 20th inst., which he has been obligated to pay away, and
which, in course, must be paid.”

What the effect of these two letters was upon Brag’s temper and spirits, the reader may easily imagine. The intelligence from the lawyer he thought bad enough; but that which he received from his respectable parent was even worse. In the first place, Jack had cunning enough of his own, improved, as all his suspicions on the subject had been, by the conversation of Mrs. and Miss Hogg, at the Lewes playhouse, to be perfectly assured that the tender attentions of Mr. Salmon in establishing his drooping wife in the ready-furnished lodgings at Pentonville, were attributable rather to affection for somebody else, than for herself; and the establishment of the horse and shay, as his mother called it, into which, by some fortunate coincidence of circumstances, she could not get, was strongly corroborative of his worst suspicions. If Mrs. Salmon’s “leg” prevented her taking exercise with her husband, Miss Hogg laboured under no such difficulty; and as to the orders, which the poor patient Griselda spoke about, he felt satisfied the only orders these excursions secured, were, orders for the playhouse at which Miss Roseville figured.

But then, in the second place, the idea of setting _him_ to institute inquiries into the character and respectability of a family co-resident with himself at Cowes, in order that he might report to Jem, whether he might trust them with so many pounds of candles or so many gallons of oil; and all this crowned by the observation contained in the pithy postscript about the five hundred pounds bill just coming to maturity. It was a sad damper, and Jack could hardly rally sufficiently to proceed, according to his promise, to Lady Lavinia’s. The consequence of his delay in his visit was the following note from her ladyship, who began to apprehend that she had lost her dangler, or at least her influence over him.

“DEAR MR. BRAG,

“Where are you? We are waiting for you. I have secured Captain
Hazleby and our dear doctor for the cruise. Lady Wattle is not well,
but Miss Wattle will go with us, and Captain and Mrs. Wilford, who
are extremely anxious to make your acquaintance. They have a very
nice place in Berkshire, and you must cultivate them. _I_ like them;
so must _you_. She sings beautifully, and is ravenously fond of the
sea. You must have a guitar on board. I don’t think Mr. Selwyn will
be able to go with us; however, do you come to me directly.

“Yours truly,
“L. NEWBIGGEN.”

This billet, shining like glass, and redolent of musk, added, if possible, to Jack’s embarrassment. Here were the people named in his mother’s question as to character, coming to him to eat the profits arising from the “articles” which they had ordered--actually to feast upon stores and moulds, and quench their thirst with lamp oil. In another shape, it is true. What could he do? Sham sick, as he often did at school;--let her ladyship and party enjoy the cruise and command the yacht. This he resolved to put into practice; and accordingly despatched an answer to her note, stating himself to be exceedingly ill, and unable to go to sea; and putting Psyche entirely at the disposal of her ladyship and party.

It must be confessed that the day opened gloomily; not perhaps meteorologically speaking, but as far as Jack’s own affairs were concerned. He felt anxious to have some conversation with Lord Wagley on the subject of the lawsuit, but somehow he fancied his lordship had not latterly evinced anything in the way of encouragement in his manner towards him, and did not like to take the liberty of writing to him to beg him to call at his lodgings.

Painful and disagreeable as were the letters Jack himself had received, it turned out that the communication which Leveret had by the same post made to Lord Wagley was of a nature likely more severely to damage our poor pretender. It contained a detail of the facts as they had really appeared on the trial, and of the virulent attack of the counsel, which contained all sorts of allusions to Brag’s pretensions and assumptions, and some other remarks, in which his connexion with Lord Tom Towzle, another of the defendants, was mentioned in such a manner as to induce Lord Wagley to write that very evening to Lord Tom in Paris, to obtain an elucidation of the hints which he had thrown out in his communications with his solicitor, who of course had been associated with Leveret in the conduct of the defence.

Lord Wagley felt, however, that common justice required him to make no marked alteration in his conduct towards Brag until he had ascertained the real history of the case, and therefore anticipated Brag’s intention of inviting him to call, by making a visit in the course of the morning.

“Well,” said his lordship, “our affair is settled, as you know.”

“I have heard so from Leveret,” said Jack. “He tells me, that I got a roasting from one of the lawyers: it’s lucky if he don’t get a basting from me.”

“Oh,” said his lordship, “nobody minds what is called forensic abuse; see how they abuse each other occasionally, denounce their learned friends as absolute blockheads, and carry a point by frightening an honest witness under cross-examination into telling the most egregious falsehoods for the furtherance of the ends of justice. Leveret has promised to send me down the report of the trial on Saturday, and I’ll send it you the moment I have read it.”

“I shall be obliged,” said Jack.

“Pray,” said Lord Wagley, _apropos_ to nothing, “when did you see Towzle last?”

“Lord Tom?” said Jack.

“Yes.”

“The last time,” said Jack, “I dined in company with him was at Sir James Gunnersbury’s at Dover. The last time I saw him, I was at luncheon with the Ilfracombes, where he came in and paid me a lump of money which he owed me--which, as I say, was all right up, straight down, and no mistake.”

“Did not you tell me, when you first came here,” said Lord Wagley, “that you were going to ride his horses at Paris?”

“Yes, in course,” said Jack, getting particularly fidgetty at the nature of Lord Wagley’s enquiries and the manner in which they were put.

“What made you throw him over?” said Lord Wagley; “he’s a capital fellow in his way, and deuced fond of _you_.”

“Why,” said Jack, “I’ll tell you, my lord. A sister of mine made an unlucky marriage some years ago, and died abroad; and her husband I have been obliged to cut dead as mutton. And he and his second wife, and his sister--we needn’t enter into particulars--with whom I was once uncommon intimate, are in Paris; and so I thought it would be as well not to risk falling in with them, which would, fifty to one, have ended in falling out; so I told Lord Tom the truth, and he said I was quite right, and no mistake.”

“Oh! that was it,” said his lordship, affecting apparent satisfaction at the account. “I could not think what could have induced you to disappoint him. Do you sail to-day?”

“I’m not well enough, my lord,” said Jack; “besides, I have some letters to write. The Psyche is going. Lady Lavinia has made her party, and they sail about one.”

“Upon my word,” said Lord Wagley, “my prophecy has come true; ‘The Psyche’ has got a mistress. I knew how it would be.”

“Yes,” said Brag, “I think her ladyship is hit hardish. A woman of her time of life wants somebody to keep her establishment going: we shall suit uncommon well; let her have her own way--at first at least. She likes _my_ yacht now; I shall like _her_ jointure by-and-by. I must marry off Fanny; Selwyn must have her: they love each other--why not?”

“Nothing, I believe, but the want of money stands in the way of it,” said Lord Wagley. “The death of Fanny’s mother and father left her with what is called a lady-like fortune of some five or six thousand pounds,--for, by some unaccountable oversight, no farther provision was made for her in anticipation of events which certainly were possible in any case, and under any circumstances, and which actually did occur in _hers_.”

“That’s hard,” said Jack, thinking at the moment that he had better change his policy with regard to the lovers whose cause he had espoused, inasmuch as if Selwyn should succeed in obtaining Lady Lavinia’s consent to the match, her ladyship, who, with all her follies and fantasies, was extremely fond of her niece, would in all probability follow up her acquiescence by the appropriation of some part of her income for their support. Lord Wagley’s intelligence produced this revolution in his designs; and his lordship’s manner during the explanation had the effect of checking Jack’s volubility with regard to his certainty of marrying the Lady Lavinia, and his intentions as to the future arrangement of her property after he had attained it: in fact, he was conscious of a difference in the noble lord’s behaviour, although the noble lord himself made every effort to prevent his observing any change; the very anxiety to appear natural and at ease gave an appearance of playing a game, which Jack saw,--did not quite understand,--but did not in the least admire.

After a few casual observations about “The Psyche,” the weather, and whatever public news was stirring, his lordship took his leave, Jack feeling the influence of his increased formality and civility, to the extent of hindering him from, in the slightest degree, alluding to the yet much-desired honour of admission into the Club.

To _him_ succeeded, as a visiter to Jack, Selwyn himself, who came, of course, for an invitation to the yacht. Nobody who has not been really and truly in love,--and he who has, must not be now a very young man, since the sort of love of which I speak is altogether obsolete,--can possibly imagine the submissions, and degradations even, which a lover is willing to encounter and endure, when the result of his humiliation is the happiness which an hour,--a half,--a quarter,--ten minutes,--or even five, passed with her he loves, can confer. Selwyn, with _his_ mind and genius, naturally laughed at poor Jack; and as far as his yacht, his luncheons, his pretensions, and absurdities went, would rather have made him a subject for his pen than come to him as a petitioner,--but Fanny was to be of the party. By what means he had learned that Jack himself was not to be on board, it is impossible for us to ascertain; and if it _were_ possible, it would be “vastly ungenteel” to tell: the truth was, that Selwyn _had_ found out that Fanny was “going afloat,” as we say,--and that Jack was not:--what was he to do?

“What?” said Jack,--“go on board now; sham waiting for _me_. I never told _you_ I wasn’t coming, or going, or whatever it is: And I tell you what, S., the very best thing you can do is, if old Lavy, my lady, refuses her consent, run off with the girl. My yacht shall be ready any hour of the night; slip you up to Southampton, or push you off to Portsmouth, smack smooth, right up, straight down, and no mistake.”

“You are too kind!” said Selwyn: “but then, you see, our means won’t bear us out in such a proceeding. My income is very small; my literary trade--call it so--precarious; and dear Fanny has scarcely anything but what her aunt, who loves _her_ and hates _me_, may choose to give her.”

“I wouldn’t let that stand in the way,” said Jack; “the old-’uns melt uncommon tender when the thing’s done. Take my advice,--bolt!”

“I doubt,” said Selwyn, “whether Miss Hastings would undertake such an expedition. It is a very important step, Mr. Brag, in a woman’s life, to discard relatives, friends, and connexions, and to break every old tie which binds her to her family, to make a new one. I--”

“Why,” said Brag, “I know the female sex; and, as I have always said, a female is a female, which is something. That they are odd and strange-minded, nobody can deny; but my belief is, that if you and she run off in couples, the whole thing will come right in the end. I, you know, care no more about that poor old body than you do. Don’t you see, she’s what I call over head and ears with me. As I told Waggy just now, I have bought the yacht to please her;--and she is pleased, now she has got it all her own way. You trust to me; I’ve nailed _her_; you, in course, hate her: you take _your_ way--I’ll take _mine_--eh? Don’t you see, that’s all clear, and no mistake.”

Selwyn was rather startled by this loose morality of Jack’s, and really wondered to hear a man talking so coolly, and calculating so coldly, upon the consequences and results of his already decided (in his own mind) marriage with Lady Lavinia. This struck him the more forcibly for two reasons:--first, because a true and poor lover, hearing marriage spoken of with any relation to money and advantages, feels in the highest degree indignant at such a discordant mixture of affection and interest; and secondly, because, however harsh the conduct of the mother, or aunt, or whatever she may be, of the creature he devotedly loves, may anger him or excite his resentment for the moment, still, the reflection that she _is_ so closely allied to that creature,--the human divinity of his adoration,--softens down all that irritation, and he is ready to respect the guardian for the very care she takes of her matchless charge.

Jack, however, relieved from the over-awing presence of his friend Waggy, as he called him, let loose all his usual absurdity, and talked to Selwyn of “tickling the old trout,” “settling granny,” and many similar feats, equally well and elegantly expressed; adding to his confident assurances of complete success, the whole history of the light-horse volunteer in the ebony case, and the beautifully illustrated pedigree of all the Newbiggens of Bumblesford,--upon both of which, having taste for neither arts nor arms, he was pleased to be particularly severe.

Selwyn was, to say truth, disgusted with the view with which his voluble friend had favoured him of his character and principles behind the scenes, and felt very much inclined to speak to him in terms, if not of disapprobation, at least of expostulation, with reference to the language he had adopted in speaking of the family to a member of which he was so much attached; but love gained the mastery over friendship, and, after a struggle highly honourable to Selwyn’s feelings, he terminated the dialogue by thanking Jack for his hint as to going on board the yacht to wait for him, although he knew he was not coming, and in less than ten minutes after was installed in the cabin of “The Psyche,” thinking it better to remain below till the arrival of the ladies, lest his appearance on deck might raise an alarm in Lady Lavinia’s mind, and induce her to re-land with her fair treasure, and, if she did not give up the excursion herself, leave Fanny “on the wild-sea banks,” like Dido, with a willow in her hand “waving her love.”

Jack, as soon as his visitor was gone, betook himself to the task (no easy one to him) of answering the letters which he had received, and which had so completely upset him: that to Mr. Leveret was as follows, and is highly indicative of the notion which Jack had established in his mind of the characters and customs of what are called legal advisers.

“DEAR SIR, Cowes,--August 18--.

“Yours of yesterday duly received. I thought, from what you said,
we should be beaten. I don’t mean to stand any nonsense; and if the
lawyer who was on their side said anything disrespectful of _me_,
I shall take care to make him unsay it, and no mistake. As I never
like to be longer in debt than I can help, and prefer paying ready
money,--short the discount,--I will thank you to send me your little
bill, and I will settle it forthwith.

“Your obliged servant,
“JOHN BRAG.”

This was sealed, and addressed to the solicitor, and likely enough it certainly was to astonish that gentleman when he received it. Jack calculated that the “little bill” would amount to perhaps ten or fifteen pounds,--at least his share, as he called it,--and therefore he thought it would sound mighty fine to flourish off about ready money, not in the slightest degree comprehending the difference which exists in society between transactions with traders, and business with professional gentlemen.

To his mother he wrote as follows:--

“DEAR MOTHER, Cowes,--August 18, 18--.

“Your’s came to hand to-day; I hasten to answer it. I am getting on
here in earnest. I have, what I call, fixed a title at last: she’s an
oldish one, but has hard upon four thousand a-year of her own. She
has got a great fancy for sailing, but the nobs which has yatches here
won’t have her aboard at no price; so in course I thought the way to
settle her was to get hold of a yatch of my own, which I did accordingly
through Lord Wagley, a friend of mine, who will do anything I tell
him;--he franks this letter for you:--so I gave him my bill for
the price of her, which is called “The Physce,”--eight hundred
pounds,--whereat I see you stare like a stuck pig. I’m not so soft as
you may fancy: if I marry the old one through having the yatch, it is
quite worth the money; and if I don’t, the bill I have given, isn’t
particular likely to be paid: but this I don’t care about, because,
worse come to the worst, I can sell yatch before the bill comes due.

“The old one has got a niece,--an uncommon pretty one to be
sure,--and she’s over head and ears, as I say, with a sort of a
poetry-writing chap called Selwyn. The old one won’t stand their
marrying, because there is no stumpy neither side; but I think, if he
was once to coax and carney her over, she perhaps would make them an
allowance and give her consent: so I am putting him up to carry Miss
Fanny off, and have offered to lend him my yatch, which, from what I
have heard the old one say, will set her so against her niece, as
nothing never was like it; in which case I shall keep up her anger,
and so there’ll be nothing paid out of the jointure for them.

“I don’t belong to the Yatch Club here, because I like to be
independent; besides, I don’t much like some of the people who are in
it. They worry my life out to be one of them, but I sticks fast to my
negative, and no mistake.

“As to Captain and Mrs. Wilford, you may tell Jim, they are safe
customers; they are on board my yatch now, out sailing with my
lady,--Lady Lavinia Brag as is to be; in course they are respectable,
or they would not be there.

“As for Molly Hogg, don’t you trouble your head about her; she is not
worth caring for. I am sorry your leg prevents you getting into the
one-horse chay, because the country air would do you good. Rely upon
it, I will come to see you the first minute I can after I have led Lavy
to the halter. I have got an excellent servant, who does for butler and
valet all under one.

“I haven’t heard anything more of Brown or the doctor. To be sure,
Kitty’s affair was uncommon unfortunate; only if Brown hadn’t married
as he did, he would only have been a serjeant now, or perhaps been
dead.

“As for the five hundred pounds, I am sorry Jim has paid it away,
for I shall not be able to take it up, inasmuch as it is impossible
for me to get tacked to my granny till after that is due anyhow.
I told you I’d do it at last, notwithstanding all the story Mrs.
Cropper told Jim. I thought it best not to stop at Eastbourne, for,
though I had been there so short a time, I saw people hinting and
winking about me and Mrs. Peckover, which sat in the opposite box
to us the night of the row at the playhouse; and, though it was all
nonsense, yet, when a female is concerned, it is best to be safe, and
no mistake; besides, Peckover, although a slow coach, is uncommon
good-natured, and it wouldn’t be right to break his heart.

“I hope you are happy. I think Jim is a right good fellow, and
am glad you took him for better for worse. Am glad you like your
lodgings, which certainly isn’t dear at five and twenty shillings
a-week, specially with coals included. I have told Wagley the
direction--Pentonville, without mentioning the name of the row, or
about the gas-works or brick-fields, because Pentonville is sure to
find you, and ‘row’ looks low; not that Waggy knows who you are;
because it is quite right not to let that cat out of the bag till I
have got the other cat into it: so all snug, smug, and no mistake. I
conclude you have painted the back-parlour, and shifted the copper by
this time.

“I have no more to say at present, but my best love. Hope I have
written satisfactorily; and remain, with best regards to Jim,

“Your dutiful son,
“J. B.”

This also, folded and sealed, was transmitted to Lord Wagley, with a request for a frank; Jack’s object being to clench the nail, as he called it, with his mother and Jem, by getting a cover from a lord, which he fancied might operate upon the latter’s mind, so as to induce him to renew the five-hundred pounds’ bill, or at least not enforce the payment; while, his mother’s name being now changed, he felt no difficulty in sending the address to his noble friend. The letter reached his lordship just as he was starting for his yacht, bound to Southampton; and, immediately upon receiving it, he sent word it should be done, and thrust it into his pocket.

In the yacht, and just before he reached Southton, Lord Wagley proceeded to fulfil his promise; and deceived by the illegibility of what Mrs. Brag called “Jack’s pot-hooks and hangers,” combined with a certain degree of obscurity in the cabin, his lordship wrote the address:

“Southton, August eighteen, 18--
“Mrs. Salmon,
“Petersham.”

“Wagley.”

And having thus accurately directed the tribute of filial affection, he tore up the “example,” and despatched the epistle with his own letters to the post-office.

Jack having, what he called, cleared off business, began to reflect and consider, to the fullest extent of his capability for such a purpose. The note which Lady Lavinia had written to him upon hearing that he could not sail; the message that she hoped he would be well enough to come to hear some charming music in the evening,--that _the_ Mrs. Captain Wilford would sing for him,--and that it should be quite snug and select,--all spoke to his too willing ear the language of devotedness: and then to think that this very lady who was to sing for him was the very lady about whose solvency for the amount of a box of candles he had been commissioned by his mother to inquire; and then to think of the certainly altered behaviour of his friend “Waggy,” and to doubt about what the lawyer had said to him; and then to fear the communication which might, and most probably would, take place between “Waggy” and Lord Tom, in consequence of their being associated with him as defendants in the case,--all combined to harass and fever him, and at the same time to assure him that, let him take what course he might with regard to his projected alliance with her ladyship, he had no time to lose.

Therefore was it that he resolved, _coute qui coute_, to present himself at her ladyship’s little party, which, if “Psyche” contrived to get back from Portsmouth, whither she was gone, in time, would be, no doubt, extremely agreeable. Thus determined, he ventured forth in the afternoon to take a stroll towards Egypt, during which he might revolve all his various plans in his mind, so that he might regulate by his own decision of the day, his proceedings in the course of the evening.