Chapter I: Preface

In the following pages I have endeavoured to describe a dream, partly of study, partly of adventure, in which will be found copious notices of books, and many descriptions of life and manners, some in a very unusual form.

The scenes of action lie in the British Islands;--pray be not displeased, gentle reader, if perchance thou hast imagined that I was about to conduct thee to distant lands, and didst promise thyself much instruction and entertainment from what I might tell thee of them. I do assure thee that thou hast no reason to be displeased, inasmuch as there are no countries in the world less known by the British than these selfsame British Islands, or where more strange things are every day occurring, whether in road or street, house or dingle.

The time embraces nearly the first quarter of the present century: this information again may, perhaps, be anything but agreeable to thee; it is a long time to revert to, but fret not thyself, many matters which at present much occupy the public mind originated in some degree towards the latter end of that period, and some of them will be treated of.

The principal actors in this dream, or drama, are, as you will have gathered from the title-page, a Scholar, a Gypsy, and a Priest. Should you imagine that these three form one, permit me to assure you that you are very much mistaken. Should there be something of the Gypsy manifest in the Scholar, there is certainly nothing of the Priest. With respect to the Gypsy--decidedly the most entertaining character of the three--there is certainly nothing of the Scholar or the Priest in him; and as for the Priest, though there may be something in him both of scholarship and gypsyism, neither the Scholar nor the Gypsy would feel at all flattered by being confounded with him.

Many characters which may be called subordinate will be found, and it is probable that some of these characters will afford much more interest to the reader than those styled the principal. The favourites with the writer are a brave old soldier and his helpmate, an ancient gentlewoman who sold apples, and a strange kind of wandering man and his wife.

Amongst the many things attempted in this book is the encouragement of charity, and free and genial manners, and the exposure of humbug, of which there are various kinds, but of which the most perfidious, the most debasing, and the most cruel, is the humbug of the Priest.

Yet let no one think that irreligion is advocated in this book. With respect to religious tenets I wish to observe that I am a member of the Church of England, into whose communion I was baptized, and to which my forefathers belonged. Its being the religion in which I was baptized, and of my forefathers, would be a strong inducement to me to cling to it; for I do not happen to be one of those choice spirits 'who turn from their banner when the battle bears strongly against it, and go over to the enemy,' and who receive at first a hug and a 'viva,' and in the sequel contempt and spittle in the face; but my chief reason for belonging to it is, because, of all churches calling themselves Christian ones, I believe there is none so good, so well founded upon Scripture, or whose ministers are, upon the whole, so exemplary in their lives and conversation, so well read in the book from which they preach, or so versed in general learning, so useful in their immediate neighbourhoods, or so unwilling to persecute people of other denominations for matters of doctrine.

In the communion of this Church, and with the religious consolation of its ministers, I wish and hope to live and die, and in its and their defence will at all times be ready, if required, to speak, though humbly, and to fight, though feebly, against enemies, whether carnal or spiritual.

And is there no priestcraft in the Church of England? There is certainly, or rather there was, a modicum of priestcraft in the Church of England, but I have generally found that those who are most vehement against the Church of England are chiefly dissatisfied with her because there is only a modicum of that article in her--were she stuffed to the very cupola with it, like a certain other Church, they would have much less to say against the Church of England.

By the other Church, I mean Rome. Its system was once prevalent in England, and, during the period that it prevailed there, was more prolific of debasement and crime than all other causes united. The people and the government at last becoming enlightened by means of the Scripture spurned it from the island with disgust and horror, the land instantly after its disappearance becoming a fair field, in which arts, sciences, and all the amiable virtues flourished, instead of being a pestilent marsh where swine-like ignorance wallowed, and artful hypocrites, like so many Wills-o'-the-wisp, played antic gambols about, around, and above debased humanity.

But Popery still wished to play her old part, to regain her lost dominion, to reconvert the smiling land into the pestilential morass, where she could play again her old antics. From the period of the Reformation in England up to the present time, she has kept her emissaries here, individuals contemptible in intellect, it is true, but cat-like and gliding, who, at her bidding, have endeavoured, as much as in their power has lain, to damp and stifle every genial, honest, loyal, and independent thought, and to reduce minds to such a state of dotage as would enable their old Popish mother to do what she pleased with them.

And in every country, however enlightened, there are always minds inclined to grovelling superstition--minds fond of eating dust and swallowing clay--minds never at rest, save when prostrate before some fellow in a surplice; and these Popish emissaries found always some weak enough to bow down before them, astounded by their dreadful denunciations of eternal woe and damnation to any who should refuse to believe their Romania; but they played a poor game--the law protected the servants of Scripture, and the priest with his beads seldom ventured to approach any but the remnant of those of the eikonolatry--representatives of worm-eaten houses, their debased dependents, and a few poor crazy creatures amongst the middle classes--he played a poor game, and the labour was about to prove almost entirely in vain, when the English legislature, in compassion or contempt, or, yet more probably, influenced by that spirit of toleration and kindness which is so mixed up with Protestantism, removed almost entirely the disabilities under which Popery laboured, and enabled it to raise its head and to speak out almost without fear.

And it did raise its head, and, though it spoke with some little fear at first, soon discarded every relic of it; went about the land uttering its damnation cry, gathering around it--and for doing so many thanks to it--the favourers of priestcraft who lurked within the walls of the Church of England; frightening with the loudness of its voice the weak, the timid, and the ailing; perpetrating, whenever it had an opportunity, that species of crime to which it has ever been most partial--_Deathbed robbery_; for as it is cruel, so is it dastardly. Yes, it went on enlisting, plundering, and uttering its terrible threats till--till it became, as it always does when left to itself, a fool, a very fool. Its plunderings might have been overlooked, and so might its insolence, had it been common insolence, but it--, and then the roar of indignation which arose from outraged England against the viper, the frozen viper, which it had permitted to warm itself upon its bosom.

But thanks, Popery, you have done all that the friends of enlightenment and religious liberty could wish; but if ever there were a set of foolish ones to be found under heaven, surely it is the priestly rabble who came over from Rome to direct the grand movement--so long in its getting up.

But now again the damnation cry is withdrawn, there is a subdued meekness in your demeanour, you are now once more harmless as a lamb. Well, we shall see how the trick--'the old trick'--will serve you.

THE LIST OF CONTENTS

CHAPTER ONE Birth--My father--Tamerlane--Ben Brain--French 1-9 Protestants--East Anglia--Sorrow and troubles--True peace--A beautiful child--Foreign grave--Mirrors--The Alpine country--Emblems--Slowness of speech--The Jew--Some strange gestures CHAPTER TWO Barracks and lodgings--A camp--The viper--A delicate 10-16 child--Blackberry time--_Meum_ and _tuum_--Hythe--The Golgotha--Daneman's skull--Superhuman stature--Stirring times--The sea-bord CHAPTER THREE Pretty D-----The venerable church--The stricken 17-26 heart--Dormant energies--The small packet--Nerves--The books--A picture--Mountain-like billows--The footprint--Spirit of De Foe--Reasoning powers--Terrors of God--Heads of the dragons--High-Church clerk--A journey--My father recalled to his regiment--The drowned country CHAPTER FOUR Norman Cross--Wide expanse--_Vive l'Empereur_--Unpruned 27-34 woods--Man with the bag--Froth and conceit--I beg your pardon--Growing timid--About three o'clock--Taking one's ease--Cheek on the ground--King of the vipers--Frenchmen and water CHAPTER FIVE The tent--Man and woman--Dark and swarthy--Manner of 35-45 speaking--Bad money--Transfixed--Faltering tone--Little basket--High opinion--Plenty of good--Keeping guard--Tilted cart--Rubricals--Jasper--The right sort--The horseman--John Newton--The alarm--Gentle brothers CHAPTER SIX Three years--Lilly's grammar--Proficiency--Ignorant of 46-53 figures--The school bell--Order of succession--Persecution--What are we to do?--Northward--A goodly scene--Haunted ground--The feats of chivalry--Rivers--And over the brig CHAPTER SEVEN The Castle--A father's inquiries--Scotch language--A 54-62 determination--Bui hin Digri--Good Scotchman--Difference of races--Ne'er a haggis--Pugnacious people--Wha are ye, man?--The Nor' Loch--Gestures wild--The bicker--Wild-looking figure CHAPTER EIGHT Expert climbers--The crags--Something red--The horrible 63-67 edge--David Haggart--Fine materials--Victory--Extraordinary robber--Ruling passion CHAPTER NINE Napoleon--The storm--The cove--Up the country--The 68-74 trembling hand--Irish--Tough battle--Tipperary hills--Elegant lodgings--Fair specimen CHAPTER TEN Protestant young gentlemen--The Greek letters--Open 75-79 chimney--Murtagh--To Paris and Salamanca--Nothing to do--To whit, to whoo!--Christmas CHAPTER ELEVEN Templemore--Devil's Mountain--No companion--Force of 80-85 circumstance--Way of the world--Ruined castle--Grim and desolate--Donjon--My own house CHAPTER TWELVE A visit--Figure of a man--The dog of peace--The raw 86-94 wound--The guardroom--Boy soldier--Person in authority--Never solitary--Clergyman and family--Still-hunting--Fairy man--Near sunset--Bagg--Left-handed hitter--At Swanton Morley CHAPTER THIRTEEN Groom and cob--Strength and symmetry--Where's the 95-101 saddle?--The first ride--No more fatigue--Love for horses--The pursuit of words--Philologist and Pegasus--The smith--What more, agrah? CHAPTER FOURTEEN A fine old city--Norman master-work--Lollards' Hole--Good 102-110 blood--The Spaniard's sword--Old retired officer--Writing to a duke--God help the child--Nothing like Jacob--Irish brigades--Old Sergeant Meredith--I have been young--Idleness--The bookstall--A portrait--A banished priest CHAPTER FIFTEEN Monsieur Dante--Condemned musket--Sporting--Sweet 111-117 rivulet--The Earl's Home--The pool--The sonorous voice--What dost thou read?--The man of peace--Of Zohar and of Mishna--The money-changers CHAPTER SIXTEEN Fair of horses--Looks of respect--The fast trotter--Pair 118-123 of eyes--Strange men--Jasper, your pal--Force of blood--The young lady with diamonds CHAPTER SEVENTEEN The tents--Pleasant discourse--I am Pharaoh--Shifting for 124-132 one's self--Horse-shoes--This is wonderful--Bless your wisdom--A pretty manoeuvre--Ill day to the Romans--My name is Herne--A singular people--An original speech CHAPTER EIGHTEEN What profession?--Not fitted for a Churchman--Erratic 133-136 course--The bitter draught--Principle of woe--Thou wouldst be joyous--What ails you? CHAPTER NINETEEN Agreeable delusions--Youth--A profession--Ab 137-144 Gwilym--Glorious English law--There they pass--My dear old master--The deal desk--The Language of the tents--Where is Morfydd?--Go to--Only once CHAPTER TWENTY Silver grey--Good word for everybody--A remarkable 145-148 youth--The archdeacon--Reading the Bible CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE The eldest son--Saying of wild Finland--The critical 149-154 time--Vaunting polls--One thing wanted--A father's blessing--Miracle of art--The Pope's house--The young enthusiast--Pictures of England--Persist and wrestle--Of the little dark man CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO Desire for novelty--Lives of the 155-162 lawless--Countenances--Old yeoman and dame--We live near the sea--Uncouth-looking volume--The other condition--Draoitheac--A dilemma--The Antinomian--Lodowick Muggleton--Anders Vedel CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE The two individuals--The long pipe--The 163-171 Germans--Werther--The female Quaker--Suicide--Gibbon--Jesus of Bethlehem--Fill your glass--Shakespeare--English at Minden--Melancholy Swayne Vonved--Are you happy?--Improve yourself in German CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR The alehouse-keeper--Compassion for the rich--Old English 172-179 gentleman--How is this?--Madeira--The Greek Parr--Twenty languages--Winter's health--About the fight--A sporting gentleman--Flattened nose--That pightle--The surly nod CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE Doubts--Wise king of Jerusalem--Let me see--A thousand 180-187 years--Nothing new--The crowd--The hymn--Faith--Charles Wesley--There he stood--Farewell, brother--Death--Wind on the heath CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX The flower of the grass--Days of pugilism--The 188-195 rendezvous--Jews--Bruisers of England--Winter, spring--Well-earned bays--The fight--The huge black cloud--A frame of adamant--The storm--Dukkeripens--The barouche--The rain-gushes CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN My father--Premature decay--The easy-chair--A few 196-204 questions--So you told me--A difficult language--They call it Haik--Misused opportunities--Saul--Want of candour--Don't weep--Heaven forgive me--Dated from Paris--I wish he were here--A father's reminiscences--Vanities CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT My brother's arrival--A dying father--Christ 205-207 CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE The greeting--Queer figure--Cheer up--The cheerful 208-211 fire--The trepidation--Let him come in CHAPTER THIRTY The sinister glance--Excellent correspondent--Quite 212-218 original--My system--A losing trade--Merit--Starting a Review--What have you got?--_Dairyman's Daughter_--Oxford principles--How is this? CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE The walk--London's Cheape--Street of the 219-225 Lombards--Strange bridge--Main arch--The roaring gulf--The boat--Cly-faking--A comfort--No trap CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO The tanner--The hotel--Drinking claret--London 226-231 journal--New field--Commonplaceness--The three individuals--Botheration--Both frank and ardent CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE Dine with the publisher--Religions--No animal 232-237 food--Unprofitable discussions--principles of criticism--The book market--Newgate lives--Goethe--German acquirements--Moral dignity CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR Two volumes--Editor--Quintilian--Loose money 238-240 CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE Francis Ardry--Certain sharpers--Brave and 241-245 eloquent--Opposites--Flinging the bones--In strange places--A batch of dogs--Redoubled application CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX Occupations--Traduttore traditore--Ode to the Mist--Apple 246-251 and pear--Reviewing--Current literature--Oxford-like manner--A plain story--Ill-regulated mind--Unsnuffed candle--Dreams CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN My brother--Fits of crying--Mayor-elect--The 252-256 committee--The Norman arch--A word of Greek--The Church and the State--At my own expense CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT Painter of the heroic--I'll go!--A modest peep--Who is 257-260 this?--A capital Pharaoh--Disproportionably short--Imaginary picture--About English figures CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE No authority whatever--Interference--Wondrous 261-267 farrago--Brandt and Struensee--What a life!--The hearse--Mortal relics--Great poet--Fashion and fame--A difference--Good for nothing CHAPTER FORTY London Bridge--Why not?--Every heart has its own 268-271 bitters--Wicked boys--Give me my book--A fright CHAPTER FORTY-ONE Decrease of the Review--Homer himself--Bread and 272-276 cheese--Finger and thumb--Impossible to find--Something grand--Universal mixture--Publisher CHAPTER FORTY-TWO Francis Ardry--That won't do, sir--Observe my gestures--I 277-282 think you improve--Better than politics--Delightful young Frenchwoman--A burning shame--Paunch--Voltaire--Lump of sugar CHAPTER FORTY-THREE Progress--Glorious John--Utterly unintelligible 283-284 CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR The old spot--A long history--Thou shalt not steal--No 285-291 harm--Education--Necessity--Foam on your lip--Metaphor--Fur cap--I don't know him CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE Bought and exchanged--Quite empty--A new 292-297 firm--Bibles--Countenance of a lion--Clap of thunder--Lost it--Clearly a right--Goddess of the Mint CHAPTER FORTY-SIX The pickpocket--Strange rencounter--Drag him along--A 298-301 great service--Things of importance--Philological matters--A mother of languages CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN New acquaintance--Wired cases--Bread and wine--Armenian 302-307 colonies--Learning without money--What a language--The tide--Your foible--Learning of the Haiks--Pressing invitation CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT What to do--Strong enough--Fame and profit--Alliterative 308-311 euphony--A plan--Bagnigge Wells CHAPTER FORTY-NINE Singular personage--A large sum--Papa of 312-315 Rome--Armenians--Roots of Ararat--Regular features CHAPTER FIFTY Wish fulfilled--Extraordinary figure--Bueno--Noah--The 316-319 two faces--I don't blame him--Of money CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE The one half-crown--Merit in patience--Cementer of 320-324 friendship--Dreadful perplexity--The usual guttural--Armenian letters--Pure helplessness CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO Kind of stupor--Peace of God--Divine hand--Farewell, 325-329 child--The fair--The massive edifice--The battered tars--Lost! lost!--Good-day, gentlemen CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE Singular table--No money--Out of employ--My bonnet--We of 330-338 the thimble--Good wages--Wisely resolved--Strangest way in the world--Fat gentleman--Not such another--First edition--Not easy--Won't close--Avella gorgio--Alarmed look CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR Mr. Petulengro--Rommany Rye--Lil-writers--One's own 339-343 horn--Lawfully-earnt money--The wooded hill--A favourite--Shop window--Much wanted CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE Bread and water--Fair play--Fashionable life--Colonel 344-347 B--- or Joseph Sell--The kindly glow CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX Considerably sobered--The power of writing--The 348-350 tempter--The hungry talent--Work concluded CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN Nervous look--The bookseller's wife--The last 351-354 stake--Terms--God forbid!--Will you come to tea? CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT Indisposition--A resolution--Poor equivalents--The piece 355-358 of gold--Flashing eyes--How beautiful