Chapter CXX: Letter CXVIII: To Mr. B

Charles Street, Dec. 20, 1779.

DEAR SIR,

THE Park guns are now firing, and never was poor devil so puzzled as your humble Sancho is at this present moment.--I have a budget of fresh news--aye, and that of consequence--and a million of stale thanks, which perhaps you will think of no consequence.--Impelled by two contrary passions, how should a poor Negro know precisely which to obey? Your turkey and chine are absolutely as good, as fine, and as welcome--as nobly given--and as gratefully accepted--as heart can wish, or fancy conceive:--then on the other hand--the news is as glorious--as well timed and authenticated--as pleasing,--as salutary in the ministerial way--as much wanted--and as welcome--as the turkey and chine to a certain sett, I mean--of king’s friends and national * * * * *. The said turkey and chine will keep fresh and good--and chear some honest hearts (I trust) on Christmas-day.--The news, good as it is, may half of it prove false by Christmas--and the true part will be stale news by that time--much of it will be liable to doubt and malicious disquisition:--now, on the other hand, the turkey and its honest fat companion are bettering every day--and feast us by anticipation.--But again, the news will come with a handsome face--attested by a Gazette extraordinary, garnished by the happy flourishes of news-paper invention. Then there is the speech of the noble Sir C----; I meant to say much upon that score; you have read it without doubt--so have I more than once or twice--and I find the same fault with it that the majority and minority do--which is neither more nor less than what’s exceeding natural to both parties.--The majority detest it for its truth--the minority would have better liked it, had it not been so d--n’d _honest_. Now (between ourselves) I do confess to you, my worthy friend, strip this famed speech of its truth and honesty, there will very little worth notice remain, excepting candour, a spice of benevolence, and perhaps too much charity;--but as the above are the vices only of a very few, we may the better endure it in Sir C----. There is certainly an express arrived this day with very comfortable news--plenty of killed and wounded--plenty of prisoners--and (as it always happens) with little or no loss on our side;--but, dear me! how I have run on!--I protest, the sole business of this letter was to ease my mind--by unburthening my head and heart of some weighty thanks, which, for aught I know, except very decently managed, are more likely to give pain than pleasure to some odd-constructed minds, men who fatten upon doing good, and feel themselves richer in proportion to their kindness:--such beings are the S----’s, the B----s, the R----hs, O----ns, &c. &c.--whom God mend--in the next world I mean:--so, wishing you every felicity in this, and every comfort attendant on the approaching festival, with love and good-will to all friends, especially to Mrs. B----n, the worthy Mr. S----’s family, Squire S----ns, and his mate, in which Mrs. Sancho claims her full share, I remain, dear Sir, (I fear I tire you)

Your most obliged
humble servant,

I. SANCHO.