Chapter XXXVIII: Letter LXI: LONDON, December 30, O. S. 1748

DEAR BOY: I direct this letter to Berlin, where, I suppose, it will either find you, or at least wait but a very little time for you. I cannot help being anxious for your success, at this your first appearance upon the great stage of the world; for, though the spectators are always candid enough to give great allowances, and to show great indulgence to a new actor; yet, from the first impressions which he makes upon them, they are apt to decide, in their own minds, at least, whether he will ever be a good one, or not. If he seems to understand what he says, by speaking it properly; if he is attentive to his part, instead of staring negligently about him; and if, upon the whole, he seems ambitious to please, they willingly pass over little awkwardnesses and inaccuracies, which they ascribe to a commendable modesty in a young and inexperienced actor. They pronounce that he will be a good one in time; and, by the encouragement which they give him, make him so the sooner. This, I hope, will be your case: you have sense enough to understand your part; a constant attention, and ambition to excel in it, with a careful observation of the best actors, will inevitably qualify you, if not for the first, at least for considerable parts.

Your dress (as insignificant a thing as dress is in itself) is now become an object worthy of some attention; for, I confess, I cannot help forming some opinion of a man's sense and character from his dress; and I believe most people do as well as myself. Any affectation whatsoever in dress implies, in my mind, a flaw in the understanding. Most of our young fellows here display some character or other by their dress; some affect the tremendous, and wear a great and fiercely cocked hat, an enormous sword, a short waistcoat and a black cravat; these I should be almost tempted to swear the peace against, in my own defense, if I were not convinced that they are but meek asses in lions' skins. Others go in brown frocks, leather breeches, great oaken cudgels in their hands, their hats uncocked, and their hair unpowdered; and imitate grooms, stage-coachmen, and country bumpkins so well in their outsides, that I do not make the least doubt of their resembling them equally in their insides. A man of sense carefully avoids any particular character in his dress; he is accurately clean for his own sake; but all the rest is for other people's. He dresses as well, and in the same manner, as the people of sense and fashion of the place where he is. If he dresses better, as he thinks, that is, more than they, he is a fop; if he dresses worse, he is unpardonably negligent. But, of the two, I would rather have a young fellow too much than too little dressed; the excess on that side will wear off, with a little age and reflection; but if he is negligent at twenty, he will be a sloven at forty, and stink at fifty years old. Dress yourself fine, where others are fine; and plain where others are plain; but take care always that your clothes are well made, and fit you, for otherwise they will give you a very awkward air. When you are once well dressed for the day think no more of it afterward; and, without any stiffness for fear of discomposing that dress, let all your motions be as easy and natural as if you had no clothes on at all. So much for dress, which I maintain to be a thing of consequence in the polite world.

As to manners, good-breeding, and the Graces, I have so often entertained you upon those important subjects, that I can add nothing to what I have formerly said. Your own good sense will suggest to you the substance of them; and observation, experience, and good company, the several modes of them. Your great vivacity, which I hear of from many people, will be no hindrance to your pleasing in good company: on the contrary, will be of use to you, if tempered by good-breeding and accompanied by the Graces. But then, I suppose your vivacity to be a vivacity of parts, and not a constitutional restlessness; for the most disagreeable composition that I know in the world, is that of strong animal spirits, with a cold genius. Such a fellow is troublesomely active, frivolously busy, foolishly lively; talks much with little meaning, and laughs more, with less reason whereas, in my opinion, a warm and lively genius with a cool constitution, is the perfection of human nature.

Do what you will at Berlin, provided you do but do something all day long. All that I desire of you is, that you will never slattern away one minute in idleness and in doing of nothing. When you are (not) in company, learn what either books, masters, or Mr. Harte, can teach you; and when you are in company, learn (what company can only teach you) the characters and manners of mankind. I really ask your pardon for giving you this advice; because, if you are a rational creature and thinking being, as I suppose, and verily believe you are, it must be unnecessary, and to a certain degree injurious. If I did not know by experience, that some men pass their whole time in doing nothing, I should not think it possible for any being, superior to Monsieur Descartes' automatons, to squander away, in absolute idleness, one single minute of that small portion of time which is allotted us in this world.

I have lately seen one Mr. Cranmer, a very sensible merchant, who told me that he had dined with you, and seen you often at Leipsig. And yesterday I saw an old footman of mine, whom I made a messenger, who told me that he had seen you last August. You will easily imagine, that I was not the less glad to see them because they had seen you; and I examined them both narrowly, in their respective departments; the former as to your mind, the latter, as to your body. Mr. Cranmer gave me great satisfaction, not only by what he told me of himself concerning you, but by what he was commissioned to tell me from Mr. Mascow. As he speaks German perfectly himself, I asked him how you spoke it; and he assured me very well for the time, and that a very little more practice would make you perfectly master of it. The messenger told me that you were much grown, and, to the best of his guess, within two inches as tall as I am; that you were plump, and looked healthy and strong; which was all that I could expect, or hope, from the sagacity of the person.

I send you, my dear child (and you will not doubt it), very sincerely, the wishes of the season. May you deserve a great number of happy New-years; and, if you deserve, may you have them. Many New-years, indeed, you may see, but happy ones you cannot see without deserving them. These, virtue, honor, and knowledge, alone can merit, alone can procure, 'Dii tibi dent annos, de te nam cetera sumes', was a pretty piece of poetical flattery, where it was said: I hope that, in time, it may be no flattery when said to you. But I assure you, that wherever I cannot apply the latter part of the line to you with truth, I shall neither say, think, or wish the former. Adieu!

ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS:

A little learning is a dangerous thing; Above all things, avoid speaking of yourself Above the frivolous as below the important and the secret Abroad but they stay at home all that while Absolute command of your temper Abstain from learned ostentation Absurd term of genteel and fashionable vices Advice is seldom welcome Affectation whatsoever in dress Always look people in the face when you speak to them Ancients and Moderns Argumentative, polemical conversations As willing and as apt to be pleased as anybody Authority Better not to seem to understand, than to reply Bruyere Cannot understand them, or will not desire to understand them Cardinal de Retz Cardinal Virtues, by first degrading them into weaknesses Cautious how we draw inferences Chameleon, be able to take every different hue Cheerful in the countenance, but without laughing Common sense (which, in truth, very uncommon) Commonplace observations Complaisance Consciousness and an honest pride of doing well Contempt Conversation will help you almost as much as books Conversation-stock being a joint and common property Converse with his inferiors without insolence Deriving all our actions from the source of self-love Deserve a little, and you shall have but a little Desirous of praise from the praiseworthy Dexterity enough to conceal a truth without telling a lie Difficulties seem to them, impossibilities Distinguish between the useful and the curious Do as you would be done by Do what you will but do something all day long Either do not think, or do not love to think Equally forbid insolent contempt, or low envy and jealousy Even where you are sure, seem rather doubtful Every virtue, has its kindred vice or weakness Fiddle-faddle stories, that carry no information along with the Flattery of women Forge accusations against themselves Forgive, but not approve, the bad Frank, open, and ingenuous exterior, with a prudent interior Gain the affections as well as the esteem Generosity often runs into profusion Go to the bottom of things Good company Graces: Without us, all labor is vain Great learning; which, if not accompanied with sound judgment Great numbers of people met together, animate each other Habit and prejudice Half done or half known Hardly any body good for every thing Have a will and an opinion of your own, and adhere Have but one set of jokes to live upon He will find it out of himself without your endeavors Heart has such an influence over the understanding Helps only, not as guides Historians Honest error is to be pitied, not ridiculed Honestest man loves himself best How much you have to do; and how little time to do it in I hope, I wish, I doubt, and fear alternately I shall always love you as you shall deserve If you would convince others, seem open to conviction yourself Impertinent insult upon custom and fashion Inaction at your age is unpardonable Jealous of being slighted Judge them all by their merits, but not by their ages Keep good company, and company above yourself Know their real value, and how much they are generally overrated Knowledge is like power in this respect Knowledge of a scholar with the manners of a courtier Laughing, I must particularly warn you against it Lazy mind, and the trifling, frivolous mind Learning Let me see more of you in your letters Little minds mistake little objects for great ones Livery Loud laughter is the mirth of the mob Low buffoonery, or silly accidents, that always excite laughter Low company, most falsely and impudently, call pleasure Luther's disappointed avarice Make yourself necessary Manner of doing things is often more important Manners must adorn knowledge May not forget with ease what you have with difficulty learned Mimicry More one sees, the less one either wonders or admires More you know, the modester you should be Mortifying inferiority in knowledge, rank, fortune Most long talkers single out some one unfortunate man in compan Much sooner forgive an injustice than an insult Mystical nonsense Name that we leave behind at one place often gets before us Neglect them in little things, they will leave you in great Negligence of it implies an indifference about pleasing Neither retail nor receive scandal willingly Never quit a subject till you are thoroughly master of it Never seem wiser, nor more learned, than the people you are wit Never slattern away one minute in idleness Never to speak of yourself at all Not one minute of the day in which you do nothing at all Not to admire anything too much Oftener led by their hearts than by their understandings Out of livery; which makes them both impertinent and useless Overvalue what we do not know Pay your own reckoning, but do not treat the whole company People angling for praise People never desire all till they have gotten a great deal Plain notions of right and wrong Planted while young, that degree of knowledge now my refuge Pleased to some degree by showing a desire to please Pleasing in company is the only way of being pleased in yourself Pleasure and business with equal inattention Prefer useful to frivolous conversations Pride remembers it forever Prudent reserve Pyrrhonism Reason ought to direct the whole, but seldom does Reformation Refuge of people who have neither wit nor invention of their ow Refuse more gracefully than other people could grant Repeating Represent, but do not pronounce Rochefoucault Rough corners which mere nature has given to the smoothest Scandal: receiver is always thought, as bad as the thief Scarcely any body who is absolutely good for nothing Scrupled no means to obtain his ends Secrets Seeming frankness with a real reserve Seeming openness is prudent Self-love draws a thick veil between us and our faults Serious without being dull Shakespeare Shepherds and ministers are both men Some complaisance and attention to fools is prudent, and not me Some men pass their whole time in doing nothing Something or other is to be got out of everybody Swearing Take nothing for granted, upon the bare authority of the author Take, rather than give, the tone of the company you are in Talk often, but never long Talk sillily upon a subject of other people's Talking of either your own or other people's domestic affairs Tell me whom you live with, and I will tell you who you are Tell stories very seldom Tenderness and affection with which, while you deserve them The best have something bad, and something little The worst have something good, and sometimes something great Thin veil of Modesty drawn before Vanity Thoroughly, not superficially To know people's real sentiments, I trust much more to my eyes Unopened, because one title in twenty has been omitted Value of moments, when cast up, is immense Vanity, that source of many of our follies Weaknesses What displeases or pleases you in others What you feel pleases you in them When well dressed for the day think no more of it afterward Will not so much as hint at our follies Witty without satire or commonplace Women Wrongs are often forgiven; but contempt never is You had much better hold your tongue than them Your merit and your manners can alone raise you