Chapter XVII: Almost Within

"He called me once again,
Pleading that He had precious things to say."

VERY soon after it became manifest that the Holy Spirit was in an especial manner present with the people of Westville, the clerks from Mr. Wynn's store began to drop into church after "closing time," which was perhaps half an hour before the dismissal. Soon one and another got leave to go earlier, and at length, finding that almost everybody went to church, the merchants entered into an agreement to close their places of business an hour earlier, that their employes might have the full benefit of the extra services. The interest among that class of young men was very general.

If Mr. Wynn had found it inconvenient to have one earnest Christian clerk in his employ, he was likely to have more trouble of the same sort, for five out of his six clerks came out squarely for Christ. The sixth was Perry Morse. Like the rest he had gone regularly to church, and listened with deep interest to the preaching. Like the rest he had heard the call to forsake sin and follow Christ. For many days he was grave and thoughtful; he slipped into the inquiry meetings, and once in the congregation, he spoke of his desire to become a disciple of Jesus Christ. One evening in particular he was deeply impressed. Mr. Earle had a long conversation with him, saying afterward to Dr. Myers—

"That boy seems almost ready to step in, yet there is something holding him back. If I could only get at it! It will be a sad thing if he comes so near only to draw back."

Since that first evening when Perry went with Nick Turner to Murphy's saloon, he had gone steadily downward, not swiftly—he was too cautious for that—but surely. He had found the allurements of that glittering trap of Satan's quite too strong to be passed over and resisted. He had long been a frequent visitor, and cards and wine had grown as familiar to him as anything connected with his home life, and the excitement of the one and the stimulus of the other seemed almost necessary to his existence. But now for a little time he had withdrawn from this haunt, and was apparently giving his whole thought to the work of seeking God's favour. Still days passed, and he held back. Nick Turner, his old crony, had forsaken the path they had been walking together, and now he was trying to persuade Perry to turn from it altogether.

"I can never forget," he said, "that I was the one to lead you into sin. If I could only undo it all. Perry, won't you break off and come with us?"

"Oh, I don't mind that sort of thing much," replied Perry. "You need not feel any remorse about it. Doubtless I should have found my way there some time. Besides, I can assure you, Nick, it is something else that keeps me from becoming a Christian. There is something stronger than the attractions of Murphy's saloon that holds me back. There, don't ask—you won't find out. I thought I'd tell you, that you needn't be fretting over your share in the work, if I go to the bad wholly."

When Mr. Earle asked, "Perry, could you give up evil associates, strong drink, and gambling?" Perry winced slightly at the plain words, but answered very decidedly—

"Yes, sir. I've got past that. The very thought of those things is a horror to me. But—there are other things in the way."

"Do you imagine that there will ever come a time when the way will seem perfectly clear?" asked the pastor.

"Perhaps not; but if I could got around one or two things it wouldn't be so hard; but I can't get around them. I'd have to go right through."

"Perry, there is nothing it would not be worthwhile to give up—no duty too hard, no cross too heavy, for the sake of God's favour. Don't let anything keep you from grasping the hand that Christ holds out to you. And let me tell you that the very things you dread will seem very different to you when the cloud of God's displeasure is lifted, and you walk in the sunlight of sin forgiven."

"I can't do it, Mr. Earle. I want to be a Christian, I surely do, but I'm afraid I can't. No matter—don't think any more about me. Work and pray for somebody else, and let me go."

"No," replied Mr. Earle, "we can't let you go. You will not be so foolish. Whatever your stumbling block may be, Christ will help you to pass it—only ask Him to help you."

Perry went home and spent a night of conflict. It did seem that there never were so many things to hinder a boy from coming to Christ. Satan contested every step of the way. Perry had gained many points, but here was this thing, the something that Mr. Earle could not come at. It loomed up before him, darkened the way, seeming to shut him out of heaven. To be sure there was a way through it, as he said. It was right through it. But could he do it?

Could he go to Mr. Wynn and tell him that a year ago when he had charge of the books for a few days, during the brief illness of Morris Clarke, he had made false entries to cover up a theft he had committed? It was a small sum, and apparently had never been missed; and he had almost forgotten it himself, until now his quickened and tender conscience kept it continually before him. The money went, with a great deal more, to pay gambling debts. Doubtless his father would replace it, but, of course, dismissal would follow disclosure. And this wasn't all. While treasurer of the Sunday-school missionary society he had used some of the funds intrusted to him. If he could only quietly refund this money and the other, and have no noise made about it!—but this thought gave him no comfort.

In the first place, he could not very well do it; and besides he felt that God required that he should confess his sin—and here was his stumbling block. Here he halted, as we have said, for days. Thinking it over and over, he remembered Mr. Earle's earnest:

"Don't let anything keep you from Christ."

And finally he resolved, hard as it would be, that he would go to Mr. Wynn the first thing in the morning and tell him the story and accept the consequences. Now it never occurred to him that as a Christian man, Mr. Wynn was bound to forgive a repenting brother, and unite his own prayers with his for the forgiveness of a holy God. Of course it didn't! Mr. Wynn's life was not calculated to awaken any such thought. A man to whom business and religion are entirely distinct affairs is likely to have a great deal of the one and very little of the other, and to be the last person who would kneel down in his private office and pray for an erring clerk. So Perry made up his mind to face his anger; at least he thought he made it up; but he forgot to plead with Christ for help that his steps should not falter, that his courage might not fail, that Satan might be restrained from throwing any further hindrances in his path.

He went down to breakfast and drank his coffee in silence, until Mr. Morse addressed him—

"Perry, have you ever spoken to any one about that black horse that I sold to Davis? I mean about any defect in him."

"No, sir, I think not," replied Perry, wondering.

Mrs. Morse laughed as she said—

"I don't think you needed to ask that question. Did you ever in your life know Perry to acknowledge that anything he had an interest in was not quite perfect?"

"I know he is a great boaster of his own perfections," replied the father. "I shouldn't wonder though if somebody might find a flaw or two in him if they looked sharp. Eh, Perry! But about the horse. It will be just as well if you don't know anything about it. Understand?"

"Not quite. Why?"

"Nothing, only Davis threatens to sue for damages, so I hear. He asked no questions about the horse, and I wasn't bound to tell all I knew unless asked. That's what Lawyer Bradford says. Davis had known the horse longer than I had. It was raised within two or three miles of his place. If he should make a fuss, it would be as well if you know nothing about it."

"Of course, you wouldn't want Perry to tell a downright lie about it," said Mrs. Morse; and little Charlie wondered if downright lies were any different from other lies.

"Why, no—certainly not. But he never drove the horse—what can he know? I'll trust him to get around it. Of course if he should have to come upon the stand and testify, he would have to tell the truth about it. But if he don't know anything about it, he will not be likely to be called upon."

Perry wondered if a lie in the court-room was really so much worse than a lie in somebody's parlour or breakfast-room; but then Perry's conscience was tender just then.

Perry's resolution had not gained strength by this little conversation, and his father's hint at his own possible imperfections disturbed him somewhat. What would he say when he knew all? Oh, if Perry's father had lived nearer to Christ, and if Perry had gone first to him with his confession! He was walking straight on toward the private office where he expected to meet Mr. Wynn, when he was stopped by that gentlemen.

"Morse, see here—some goods belonging to your department have just come in. I want to show them to you. There—aren't those beauties?" displaying some laces. "Now see if you can tell the difference. Is there any?"

"I should be a dull scholar not to have profited by the lesson you gave me on laces," returned Perry, smiling; "but the imitation is so like the real that I am almost afraid to call it so."

"Just so! Just so!" said Mr. Wynn. "Now, Morse, I am going to take a set of these up to Mrs. Wynn, and when you show the others you can say that Mrs. Wynn has a set like them—they are very like, you see. And you understand, you are not to show them both to the same customers. Mrs. Golden or Mrs. Amesbury would detect a difference very quick, but Mrs. Longseam would never know whether she paid ten dollars for a collar exactly like Mrs. Wynn's or not. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir, I understand," said the clerk to his employer; then as that individual turned away, he continued to himself, "I quite understand that it is no worse for me to take twenty-five dollars of your money than for you to take ten dollars from a poor woman for an article that isn't worth five, because she never will know any better. Yes, I understand. You and father call yourselves Christians, and I don't know as it will pay for me to humble myself for the sake of being like you, and I sha'n't do it. My secret is safe now, and I'll keep it. I'd like to know how Lester, and Clarke, and all the rest of them, are going to get along here. I can tell them that religion hasn't any chance for a foothold in this store. They'll have to give in at last; then they won't be any better off than I am."

A customer interrupted this one-sided talk, and he had no farther opportunity for meditation during the day. Indeed he would have avoided anything of the sort. He said he had "stopped thinking; he guessed it would do as well to let things slide along;" and by way of doing his part, he did not go near the church that evening, but went back to Murphy's, and reeled home toward midnight with just sense enough left to remember his broken resolutions.

As he kicked off his boots and groped about for a match, he muttered, "Well, this is different from last evening! And to think that all my hard work to bring myself up to the confessing point has just ended in smoke! Everything knocked over by the wonderful consistency of two church members! Well, if it hadn't been for father and Mr. Wynn, I should have spent this evening differently, I presume. Humph! I guess so! For all I know I might have spent it in jail. Mr. Wynn would have been as likely to take that course as any other. My! What a mountain I made of it last night! It wasn't such a great affair, after all. I have done extra work enough to earn that money a dozen times over; and as for religion, I don't want the kind that some folks have, and in my position, I couldn't very well manage any other. Heigh ho! I'm sick of Westville. I wish I had Herbert's chance in New York. He is a lucky dog. It was dull at Murphy's without Nick. I must try to coax him back."

With which resolve Perry tumbled into bed and snored off into a stupid sleep that lasted so long that he was late at the store, and Mr. Wynn wondered "how much longer those meetings were to be kept up. The excitement was spoiling the clerks. He had given them their evenings, and now they took the mornings of their own accord."

"Who takes?" asked Morris Clarke, respectfully. "I cannot remember that any of us have been late before for a month. I can assure you, Mr. Wynn, that the meetings don't make a fellow into, and they do help one to do better work; and as for excitement, there is very little of that element."

"Oh," returned Mr. Wynn, "I never yet knew a person to acknowledge that he was excited."

"But, Mr. Wynn," said young Lester, "don't you approve of such things? I thought you were a member of Mr. Earle's church."

"So I am. But, my boy, it does not follow that I indorse all of Mr. Earle's measures."

"It seems to me," said Morris Clarke, "that these meetings are the Lord's measures."

"Well, well, doubtless you think so. I only hope they won't infringe upon business. 'Diligent in business,' you know, is just as much a command as a great many other passages that much stress is put upon."

"Yes, sir. And, Mr. Wynn, that is just what we boys mean to be. We have decided for Christ, and we find it to be a part of our Christian duty to do our very best at whatever we are set about, and we promise to be faithful to your interests. In our inexperience, we shall doubtless make missteps in trying to follow Christ, but we hope that you will bear with us, and out of your longer experience in Christian living show us when we go wrong."

If Morris Clarke had meant to be sarcastic, he could scarcely have done better than in this last remark. Mr. Wynn show young disciples how to walk! And yet he was sincerely glad that these young men were converted. If only they would not be over-zealous, and this was what he said, stammering a little. Religious conversation was not easy for him.

"Well, boys, I am glad that—to know—to hear —it is a very good thing to start while you are young. I hope you will all hold out. I'm very glad. But I want to warn you against fanaticism—a quiet, even sort of thing is what I like in religion. Yes, I am very glad."

Perry Morse stood a little apart during this talk, and as Mr. Wynn moved away he said, following him—

"Sir, I didn't go to church last night. I wasn't well this morning. That's how I was late."

"Never mind. I was a little worried over a missing letter, and spoke a little sharper than I intended. But how is it that you didn't go to church? Aren't you one of them?"

"No, sir."

"Ah, better go with the rest, Perry. Little as I approve of what are called revival meetings, I would not for the world hinder any one from becoming a Christian."

"You've hindered me," thought Perry as he went forward to show the laces to a wealthy customer.

And so Perry Morse drew back. His father wondered why it was that in this ingathering his son was left out, and as months went by, Mr. Wynn complained of Perry's dissipated habits, and neither of them dreamed how near he had come to the gate of the kingdom, nor suspected that they had helped to turn him back to indifference and sin.