Chapter XXX: August 12th

The Y---- and Sikou-San couple were divorced yesterday. The Charles N---- and Campanule household is getting on very badly. They have had some annoyance with those prying, grinding, insupportable little men, dressed up in suits of gray, who are called police agents and who by threatening their landlord, have had them turned out of their house--under the obsequious amiability of this people, there lurks a secret hatred towards us Europeans--they are therefore obliged to accept their mother-in-law's hospitality, a very painful position. And then Charles N---- fancies his wife is faithless. It is hardly possible, however, for us to deceive ourselves: these would-be maidens, to whom M. Kangourou has introduced us, are young people who have already had in their lives one, or perhaps more than one, adventure; it is therefore only natural that we should have our suspicions.

The Z---- and Touki-San couple jog on, quarreling all the time.

My household maintains a more dignified air, though it is none the less dreary. I had indeed thought of a divorce, but have really no good reason for offering Chrysanthème such a gratuitous affront; moreover there is another more imperative reason why I should remain quiet: I too have had difficulties with the civilian authorities.

Day before yesterday, M. Sucre quite upset, Madame Prune almost swooning, and Mdlle. Oyouki bathed in tears, stormed my rooms. The Niponese police agents had called and threatened them with the law for letting rooms outside of the European concession to a Frenchman morganatically married to a Japanese; and the terror of being prosecuted brought them to me, with a thousand apologies, but the humble request that I should leave.

The next day I therefore went off, accompanied by _the wonderfully tall friend_, who expresses himself better than I do in Japanese, to the register office, with the full intention of making a terrible row.

In the language of this exquisitely polite people, terms of abuse are totally wanting; when very angry, one is obliged to be satisfied with using the _thou_, mark of _inferiority_ and the _familiar conjugation_, habitual towards those of low birth. Seating myself on the table used for weddings, in the midst of all the flurried little policemen, I open the conversation in the following terms:

"In order that _thou shouldest_ leave me in peace in the suburb I am inhabiting, what bribe must I offer _thee_, set of little beings more contemptible than any mere street porter?"

Great and mute scandal, silent consternation, and low bows greet my words.

"Certainly," they at last reply, my honorable person shall not be molested, indeed they ask for nothing better. Only, in order to subscribe to the laws of the country, I ought to have come here and given my name and that of the young person that--with whom--

"Oh! that is going too far! I came here on purpose, contemptible creatures, not three weeks ago!"

Then taking up myself the civil register, and turning over the pages rapidly, I found my signature and beside it the little hieroglyphics drawn by Chrysanthème:

"There, set of idiots, look at that!"

Arrival of a very high functionary,--a ridiculous little old fellow in a black coat, who from his office has been listening to the row:

"What is the matter? What is it? What is this annoyance put upon the French officers?"

I politely state my case to this personage, who cannot make apologies and promises enough. The little agents prostrate themselves on all fours, sink into the earth; and we leave them, cold and dignified, without returning their bows.

M. Sucre and Madame Prune can now make their minds easy, they will not be disturbed again.