Chapter IV: Part 4

With my Wife this Evening to Mr. HARTLEY'S to a Children's Party, but some grown up, and among them me and my Wife, though we have no Children, which vex me, but not much, for Children mighty expensive and cost money, and, if I had them, would only force me to deny myself a great many Pleasures I now enjoy, and could not then afford. A large Drawing Room very fine, and well lighted up, and so many Children of all Ages down to Babies almost as I think I did never before, altogether in one room, see. Pretty to see how the little Boys and Girls dance when MYNHEER SCHLAMM thump and bang the Piano, and some of the very smallest taught to dance nearly as soon as they could walk, and how they stand in Position and point their Toes with heels close together, and arms hanging down, as they do when the Dancing-Master teach them their dancing Lessons. And to see how pleased all the Girls to dance, but not all the Boys, but a good many of them look unhappy, yet pretty to observe how a few little Boys make love to the little Girls, and one little Boy offer a little Girl a Nosegay, like a young Gallant, and she take it with the Air of a Coquette mighty pretty. But most of the Boys make a great deal more Love to the good Things on the Tables; the Sweets and Pastry, Jelly, Blanc-Mange, Tarts, Pies, Tipsy-Cake, Trifle, and Ice-creams, and good Lack how they push, and scramble, and hold out their plates, to get slices of Cake, while HARTLEY cut up a great rich Cake like a Twelfth-cake and share it between them, and they eat and stuff all they can, and I fear me some of them ill to-morrow if not before. Droll to see a little Boy stand astride stuffing into his Mouth a Pie whole like a Pantomime Clown. Another small Boy sitting down upon a Pile of Plates set by on the Floor, they having been eaten from, in the Remains of Trifle, cause great Laughter. So did a fat Dame with her little Boy and Girl, and an Arm round each, like a great plump Fowl, a Gizzard under one Wing and Liver beneath the other. Droll to see HARTLEY'S little girl sit in her Grandmother's Chair beside her Crutch, where her Grandmother hobbling in did find her, and to think that she too will be such another old Woman, one of these Days, if she live. Some of the bigger Boys public School Boys, mighty grand, and a few wearing Spectacles like young Owls. Mrs. HARTLEY'S Brother, Mr. ST. LEGER, dress himself like a Conjuror, in a conjuring Cap with magick Characters on it, and conjure with Cards, and Oranges, and little Images, and Dolls, mighty clever, and I do mean to get him if I can to teach me. One Thing made me laugh heartily was to see the Page they call BUTTONS stand behind him while he conjure, BUTTONS with his Eyes staring wide open, and he grinning with his Mouth from Ear to Ear. The young Folk after Supper to dance again, and romp, and play at Blindman's Buff, and meanwhile the elder sup too, and I and my Wife on cold Fowl and Ham, and Lobster Salad, and Champagne, mighty merry, and so Home betimes mighty comfortable, and methinks I do like a Children's more than any other Evening Party, to see the Children and their Elders also, play the Fool, and to break up, and get Home early, and so with Content and Comfort to Bed.

WEDNESDAY, _May 15, 1850_.]

Up, and to St. James's Park, to see on the Parade Ground, the Inspection, as usual upon the Queen's Birthday, appointed to be celebrated beforehand this Day, of a Battalion of the Coldstream and Grenadier Guards, and a Troop of the Royal Horse Guards they call the Blues. Through a Friend at Court, got, with a choice Few, a good Place, nigh the Sentry with the Colours, where he stood to keep the Ground, and the Publique at a Distance, where I also wish always to keep yet pleased to see them. The Troops reviewed by the Commander in Chief, Field Marshal the DUKE of WELLINGTON, and with him the other Field Marshals, Prince ALBERT and the DUKE of CAMBRIDGE, made Field Marshals I suppose for the martial Deeds they would no doubt have done, if they had ever had the chance in the Field. Field Marshal the PRINCE, the Colonel of the Scots Fusiliers, and Field Marshal the Royal DUKE of the Coldstream, and the great Field Marshal the DUKE of WELLINGTON, Colonel of the Grenadier Guards. Besides the Field Marshals, at their Heels a great Staff of Officers, of Lancers and Hussars, and the EARL of CARDIGAN among them, looking mighty fierce. The DUKE of WELLINGTON at their Head riding gently along inspecting his Regiment standing in their big Caps of Bearskin, which do seem much too big for them though they mostly six feet high, a mighty brave sight, yet a comical, as the men stood shouldering Arms with their Heels together, and their Toes turned out like the little Girls and Boys I did see dance at a Children's Party. Glad to get so good a View as I had of the Duke, and wonderful to see how well and firm he sits his horse, and he now fourscore-and-two Years old, and to think what a great General he is and do look, and with his Eagle Nose, very much resemble _Mr. Punch_. The Officers of the Staff bestriding their Horses very gallant, and the Horses most noble Animals and their prancing very pretty. Good Sport to see a Dragoon ride keeping Order, flourish and point drawn Sword at a fat old Woman who with a cotton Umbrella and Arms spread all abroad in Terror, run out of his Way, and Policemen with their Staves closing in as it were to catch the old Woman. Other Policemen rushing to and fro, help the Soldiers keep the Ground, and the British Publique back, and beat back them that would fain press too forward with their staves. Pleasant in a Place where plenty of Elbow-Room, to behold the British Publique, around one in the Midst the Likeness of JOHN BULL, perched on a Barrel, jostled one against the other, push and scramble and tread upon one another's Toes, and tumble topsy-turvy some of them and Head over Heels; when I had got comfortable Standing in the meanwhile with a Dozen or so of the Better Sort, and two or three Poodle and Terrier Dogs, in the Middle of the Parade where the Troops were inspected, got in I suppose by Favour, like me. But, good Lack, to think what playing at Soldiers now a holiday Review like this do seem, and think at the same time what serious Work the DUKE of WELLINGTON hath seen and done in his Day, which how many seem to forget, and almost think him a Humbug, and if ever and how soon we shall have the like to do again, and find another such a Man, to do it.

THURSDAY, _May 23, 1850_.]

With my Wife to a Pic-nic Party. I to content her more than to please myself, and to think how I always study her Pleasure more than my own, and sacrifice my own Inclinations to hers always. For I prefer to eat good Things off a Plate or a Table, and not upon my Knees. Besides, the Fly hired to carry us from Home and back, cost me three Guineas. The Pic-Nic in my Lord Bilberry's Park, where the Ruins of an old Abbey, open by my Lord's Allowance, People come to see from all Parts, gipsying, and making merry and dancing basely among the Ruins. These with mouldering Arches and Stones overgrown with Moss, and Lichen, and Ivy, mighty venerable, and set off by a Youth with long Hair and turned-down Collar, leaning on a broken Pillar, striking an attitude and staring at the Sky, as though musing on Infinity but in Truth fancying himself an Object of Admiration. But, he wrapt up in that Mistake, and forgetting his Meals, the rest intent altogether on the good Things from Fortnum and Mason's and the Pastry Cook's; and good Lack to see how they, to the Number of nigh forty Men, Women, and Girls, pitch into the Ham and Chicken, and the Cold Meat and Lobster Salad, and Pigeon and Veal and Ham Pie, and therewith drink bottled Ale and Stout, whereof a fat Serving Man in Livery, hardly drawing a Quart Bottle, mighty comical, and also a Page, who, carrying Plates, kick against a Wasps' Nest and raise the Wasps about his Ears and there he stand fighting them with a Knife, his Face in the Centre of the swarm the Image of Horror. The Younger Men mostly mighty Polite, they, and especially one with a fine slim Figure and hooked Nose, with constrained Postures, making Obeisance as they serve the Girls with Beer and Wine, whereof they as well as the Men mostly drink their Whack, and pretty to see how one most elegant Damsel seem falling into a happy Dream and how with her Hair flowing all adown she droop her Eyelids, muzzy. But some did get full of Fun, and a little Rogue I see pour the Heel-tap of a Champagne Glass into the Face of a Youngster, who, lying on his Back, had fallen on Sleep. The Managers of the Collection also mighty attentive, doing the Honours, and rare to see one of them, a fine portly Man, carve Slices off Great Round of Beef, in high Glee. But another rising from his Camp Stool to hand a Plate to a fine fat Dame, she and her pretty Daughter suddenly frighted by a Toad and Frog, which crawl and hop towards them out of some Flags by the Water, start back in Horror, and startle him and make him upset several Wine Glasses and the Water Can, and stamp on and smash a Plate. Among the Elders worth noting a lean old Professor, and his Neighbour a smug Lawyer how they gave their whole minds to most serious Eating, and also one or two of the younger Men did nought but stuff themselves; but most made Love; and pretty to see a loving Couple clink Glasses together, while other Pairs having had enough, saunter and strut about among and outside the Ruins. Good Lack to think what a Deal we ate and drank between us, and how famished on one Hand looked a lean old Labourer in a Smock Frock with a chubby but hungry little Clown, eyeing the picked Bones, while a Cur on the other did, in his Mouth, run away with the Wing of a Fowl.

MONDAY, _July 15, 1850_.]

This Evening to Vauxhall, where a Gala Night and much Company, mostly of the middling Sort, except the worse. Very few Gentlemen of any Condition do now visit this Place, but plenty of the whippersnapper Sparks that Shopmen used to call Gents, and a very good Word to distinguish them, although a vile, as much as to say Snobs. The better Sort of all there chiefly Medical Students. No Place for Ladies, but here and there a respectable but stupid Farmer from the Country with his Wife or Daughter. A bare, faded kind of a Garden, patched with shabby Trees, variegated Lamps hanging to their Branches among smoky Leaves. The Lamps do seem the main Attraction, the Bill of Entertainments advertise 10,000 additional every Night, which seems great Folly. However, the Outlines of all the Buildings picked out with parti-coloured Lamps mighty gay. A wooden Building on one Side called the Rotunda, where an Orchestra and they sing, and opposite an Alcove where a Band in Uniform play at the same Time Tunes which the Gents and their Partners dance to, waltzing and spinning round like Teetotums, droll to look upon. The Partners some pretty but nearly all ill-looking, and one or two horribly ill-favoured, and to see the People sit and look on, and among them a fat Country Wife, and prim starched old Maid very thin, make me ashamed. Also a fat singing Woman sung a Song, not at all to my Liking, and did throw herself about and make faces. Another Alcove hung with Lamps in Festoons, and in the Middle a Circus Theatre and a Crowd at the Door crowding to See a Dancing Girl jump through Hoops and dance upon Horseback. Other Alcoves with Seats for Eating and Drinking, and they eat Ham and Chicken, and I a Plate cost me 2s. 6d., and the Ham mighty thin, which is Vauxhall Fashion, and they drink Arrack, a Spirit I was curious to taste, and did and never shall again. But what did please me was a Drink newly come in from America, and called Sherry Cobbler, made of Sherry and Orange and lumps of Ice, and sucked up into the Mouth with a Straw, which to see two Gents do for the first Time did take me mightily, and I did do likewise, mighty cool and refreshing and did delight me much, and three Cobblers cost me 3 Shillings. Amused to see the Gents strut about so jaunty smoking Cigars, I think Cabbage Leaf steeped in Tobacco-Juice. They also drink Rhubarb Wine they call Champagne cost them 10s. a bottle, and bottled Stout, and good Lack to see the Lots of empty Bottles on the by-Tables! An old Fellow with a Pot-Paunch that had had too much Drink fallen asleep, a comical Sight, whilst pretty to see the Waiters dance Attendance with the Refreshments, and hear the hollaing and shouting, and altogether a good Deal of Fun, but dreary; but a Family of little Boys and Girls with their fat Father mighty merry, and clap their Hands to see the Balloon go up in another Part of the Gardens. A grand Display of Fireworks to conclude diverted me too, and so Home and to Bed, hoping after my Evening's Entertainment I shall not wake with a Headache in the Morning.

FRIDAY (_further date wanting in MS._).

WEEKLY EVENING MEETING.]

This Evening to the Royal Institution, to hear Professor OWEN, the Hunterian Professor to Surgeons' College, Lecturer on Comparative Anatomy and Physiology, on the Nature of Limbs. To the Institution early, to the Theatre, and there got a good Place, the Theatre already filling and soon crammed like any Playhouse where some leading Actor make his appearance in a great Part, Gallery and all, as they say, to the Ceiling. The Audience sitting on semi-circular Benches covered with red Stuff, Tier above Tier, behind the select Visitors to the Front in reserved Chairs. A mighty droll Sea of Faces, mostly wry, with Eyes peering and squinting, many through Spectacles, though some well-featured, one here and there a great Head, but few handsome, Ladies excepted, a good Sprinkling of belles, and they look mighty pretty, the rather by Comparison with their Elders, the strong-minded Women, and the Philosophers around them, for the greater Part to look at, as the Vulgar Phrase is, a rum Lot. In the Centre of the reserved Seats an Arm-Chair for the Chairman facing the Lecture Table, whereon Prints and Papers, a Book and a Water-Carafe and Tumbler. Behind on a Showboard on the Wall Diagrams and Plates of Skeletons of Extinct Animals, Fish, and Flying Lizards, and a Dinotherium, and Mastodon, and Mammoth, and withal a human Skull, the People contemplate, and the Ladies and Damsels even, with Complacence, and to think all those pretty Creatures have Skeletons in themselves! By-and-by at eight, enter the Chairman and take the Chair, a fine fat portly Man with a great Jole, and solemn Look, mighty noble, and was, a Medical Student say, an awful Swell. Then in come the Lecturer, the Professor, to great clapping of Hands, and he make his Bow, and begin. I mighty taken with his Discourse, and to see him point out with a long Wand he lean upon while he lecture, the Bones and other Parts in the Diagrams of the Skeletons behind him he Describe, and explain how this and that Bone, the same as a human Bone, exist only in a different Form in Animals, and strange the Pterodactyl's Wing-bone a great little Finger. Lack to think of such Animals nothing remain but fossil Bones, and the Animals, Geologists say, did live and die Ages before Adam, shake some People's Faith. But Mr. HOLDFAST think Geology Bosh, extinct Quadrupeds Monsters destroyed in ancient Times by the Heroes. Likewise the Fish Lizards and Pterodactyles Dragons, ST. GEORGE and the Dragon all true, and ST. GEORGE did verily slay a Dragon, and Accounts of real Reptiles under the name of Dragons handed down by Tradition; their Bones now dug up out of the Earth witness Legends true, and no Fable, and reconcile Orthodoxy with Science. However he do not say he believe they belch Fire and Smoke. So my Thoughts a little wandering from Professor OWEN'S Lecture, to listen attentively, but the Air so foul with much Breath and burning of Gas that I at last nearly asleep and fain to pinch myself to keep awake. Strange, in the chief of Chemical Lecture Rooms such bad Ventilation. But to think what a Philosopher Professor OWEN is and can tell an unknown Animal whether Bird or Beast by a single Bone, and the French may brag of Monsieur CUVIER, but England have as good Reason to be proud of Professor OWEN.

_THE CITIES SERIES_

A brilliant series of Drawings by Eminent Artists.

In Decorative Covers, 8-1/4 x 5 inches, 1/-net.

With the Illustrations in Photogravure mounted on hand-made
paper. Bound in Parchment Boards, with mounted Illustrations,
2/6 net.

_I. A LITTLE BOOK OF LONDON_
Twenty-five Drawings in Photogravure by JOSEPH PENNELL.

_II. THE GREAT NEW YORK_
Twenty-four Drawings in Photogravure by JOSEPH PENNELL.

_III. THE CITY OF THE WEST_
Twenty-four Drawings in Photogravure by JESSIE M. KING.

_IV. THE GREY CITY OF THE NORTH_
Twenty-four Drawings by JESSIE M. KING.

_Uniform Volume_
_MANNERS & CUSTOMS OF YE ENGLYSHE_
Forty-nine Drawings by RICHARD DOYLE, to which are added
MR. PIPS HIS DIARY, by PERCIVAL LEIGH.

T. N. FOULIS

91 GREAT RUSSELL STREET, LONDON, W.C.
& AT 15 FREDERICK STREET, EDINBURGH

* * * * *

Transcriber's Notes:

Multiple spellings not changed:

Multiple spellings are left as in the original.

fashionable, fashonable

both "birthday" and "birth-day" appear in the text

both "Club-House" and "Club-house"

both "Exeter-Hall" p.092 and "Exeter Hall"

both "Pic-Nic" and "Pic-nic"

both "raylway" and "raylwaye"

different spellings of "street"

End of Project Gutenberg's Manners & Cvftoms of ye Englyfhe, by Richard Doyle