Chapter V: Call to and Entrance Upon the Ministry

"But rise, and stand upon thy feet: for I have appeared
unto thee for this purpose, to make thee a minister and a
witness both of these things which thou hast seen, and of
those things in the which I will appear unto thee."--Acts
26: 16.

With these words of a high mission Mr. Badger's journal opens, and how well does it accord with the idea of divine agency in placing moral lights in the world, and with what to him was a common thought, the unequalled greatness of the minister's station. More than once or twice have I heard him say to the young man who was publicly receiving the honors of ordination, or of a conferential reception, "You are called, my brother, to fulfil the duties of the highest station ever occupied by a human being. No station on earth is so great in its nature, and so responsible in its duties, as that of the Christian minister;" and more than once, in the quiet social circle, and when alone, heard him say: "I would not exchange the joys and trials and honors of the Christian ministry, for the throne of the ablest king on earth." And this was the settled, serious feeling of his mind. He recognized God in the call of the true minister, not leaving the sacred choice at the mercy of family policy, of individual ambition, or the efficiency of college endowment.

"In ages past," says Mr. Badger, "God has seen fit to raise
up, qualify, and send forth ambassadors to the people. He
has frequently sent angels with celestial messages to men.
Men also have been employed in the same work, have received
the word from Him and declared it to the people. Aaron,
Moses, Jeremiah, Isaiah and others, are striking
illustrations of the truth that God has appeared unto men
to make them ministers and witnesses of those things they
have seen, and of those which he shall reveal unto them.
John said, 'We speak the things we do know, and testify the
things we have seen.' The Gospel is not something learned
by human teaching, as are the mathematics and divers
natural sciences. St. Paul was nearer its fountain-head and
true attainment when he said, 'I neither received it from
man, neither was I taught it but by the revelation of Jesus
Christ.' 'Wo is unto me if I preach not the Gospel.'
Neither reputation nor worldly recompense prompted the
apostolical preaching. 'We preach not ourselves, but the
Lord Jesus Christ.' 'Freely thou hast received, freely
give.' The Gospel is not an earthly product, but a divine
institution for divine ends. The preaching of it,
therefore, is the highest possible work, demanding the
greatest deliberation and integrity. Its effects are either
'a savor of life unto life, or of death unto death.' How
delightful also is this employment, as it brings life,
light and comfort to all who yield to its elevating,
enlightening and purifying power."

These passages, written in the early years of his ministerial life, at once recalled the second sermon[11] that the writer of this ever heard him preach, founded on the heroic text of St. Paul, "I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ,"[12] in which he announced the Gospel as a divine science, as a refining power, as according with human nature and its wants; and, indeed, as "the only perfect science of human happiness known on earth." Such is the supremacy he unwaveringly gave to Christ, to his Gospel, and to its genuine ministry.

* * * * *

The feeling that drew the mind of Mr. Badger into the ministry, was an early one, having birth almost contemporaneously with the deep strivings of his mind already narrated in the previous chapter. It was the highest aspiration of his youth. Often, when at work, as early as the autumn of 1811, then nineteen years of age, his mind scarcely within his own control, he was frequently in a preaching frame, and often fancied that he was speaking to audiences of people on the attractions of Christ; so thoroughly was his mind engrossed in these meditations, that he often spoke several words before being aware of it, and not unfrequently did he find himself suffused with tears. "I had at this time," says Mr. B., "no idea that I should ever be a minister."

"As soon as I had myself partaken of the pardoning love of
Christ, I felt as though all others should be sharers in
eternal life. In prayer, my mind was drawn out for all men,
for the chief of sinners. My mind was quickly weaned from
earthly delights, and all my powers were devoted to
spiritual interests. The few good ministers I knew I
esteemed as the best and happiest of human beings; and, as
the harvest seemed great, I often prayed that the Lord
would send forth more laborers into the field. I thought if
I were in such a minister's place I would go to the ends of
the earth to sound the message of redeeming love. It was in
the midst of such meditations that, in the first of the
year 1812, all at once the idea broke into my mind that I
must leave all and preach Christ. My soul shrunk away from
the overpowering greatness of the thought, which I
immediately banished from my mind; but with its banishment
there came a gloomy despondency, as through the winter I
continued at times to be exercised with the spirit of a
station, which I supposed I never could fill.

"In the spring I went into the woods to make sugar, a
business much followed in that country. Night and day for
several weeks I was here confined, a scene that might once
have been gloomy, but now was delightsome, as I enjoyed
much of God's presence in my secret devotions. I kept my
Bible with me, had some opportunity of reading, which I
eagerly improved with the greatest satisfaction. Here my
mind was again powerfully exercised in relation to
preaching; these impressions always brought with them the
greatest solemnity. At such times I sought the most retired
places I could find, wishing that I might hide, as it were,
'in the cleft of the rock,' as the sacred vision passed
before me. I said, 'Lord, who is sufficient for these
things?' and with Jeremiah I was constrained to say, 'I
cannot speak, for I am a child.' While these things like
mountains were rolled upon my mind, I frequently spent the
greater part of the whole night in prayer, in which I asked
that I might be excused, and that these things might be
taken from me. Hours in the lonely woods I passed in tears,
and none but the angels witnessed the action and utterance
of my grief. Once I opened my Bible wishing to know my
duty, and the first words I beheld were, 'The harvest is
past, the summer is ended, and we are not saved;' language
that impressed me with the great importance of the present
time as an opportunity to lay up treasure in heaven; to
call the attention of men to their salvation, before the
lamentation of the prophet should become their sad and
unhopeful song. From the depth of my spirit I said, Oh! my
soul, can I be excusable for my silence, when I behold the
dark tide of sin on which myriads are rushing to eternal
wo? Hearing the voice of Heaven perpetually resounding 'Why
will ye die?' and beholding the crimson tide of the loving,
dying Christ, that ever spoke of mercy, whilst angels
appeared to my view as waiting and longing to rejoice over
one repenting sinner, I said, Can I refrain from warning
men of their danger, from inviting them to the Christ of
their deliverance? For several days the above named
scripture occupied my mind, and I was satisfied that God
was drawing me into the ministry by these impressions, and
soon I was willing to leave all, and suffer the loss of all
things for Christ.

"Late in the spring I left my retirement, with a
countenance wan and fallen, and a heart filled with 'wo is
me if I preach not the Gospel.' I was silent, no company
seemed agreeable, and to no one did I confide my feelings.
In the summer of 1812, I searched the Scriptures, and often
did my mind so extensively open to an understanding of what
I read, that I was impressed to communicate what I felt and
what I saw. On some particular passage my mind would rest
for several days at a time, and ideas of which I had never
before thought, would present themselves. Well do I
remember the great power in which the words of the
apostolical commission came to my mind: 'Go ye into all the
world and preach the Gospel to every creature;' words that
seemed night and day to sound as a voice of thunder through
my spirit. I regarded this as the divine voice; as Job
says, 'God thundereth marvellously with his voice.' From
all the scripture I read I gathered something that taught
me the moral situation of mankind, God's willingness and
ways for saving them, also my own duty to my race.
Remarkable dreams at this time united with other evidences
to confirm me in my duty, as often in the midnight slumber
I dreamed of speaking to large assemblies in the name and
spirit of the Lord. Frequently, under these exercises, I
spoke so loud as to awaken the people in the house, and
sometimes awoke in tears calling on sinners to repent and
embrace the Saviour. When sleep departed from my eyes, as
it frequently did, I would spend most of the night in
prayer to God. Often could I say, with the weeping Hebrew
prophet, 'Oh, that mine head were waters, and mine eyes a
fountain of tears, that I might weep day and night.' But
none, except those who have passed through similar trials,
can understand the peculiar experience touched upon in
these last paragraphs."

The passage of men, called in any divine way, from worldly business into the work of reclaiming souls from sin, cannot be as smooth and easy as the passage one makes from a machine-shop to a counting-room. Fashion and custom may render it so, but these are far from being God's prime ministers. Is there no preparatory process by which the spirit of the prophet is stirred to its depth? Did not the fine nature of Jesus undergo temptations and trials in the wilderness for forty days before he entered upon his public mission? Did he not there feel the grandeur of his mission, when he foresaw the cost of all that the world and its ambition holds dear, as the result of his future procedure? He casts the worldly crown beneath his feet, and steadily fixes his eye on the immortal good of the world as his end. The coarser heart of Arabia's prophet also sought solitude as its home ere it gave to the East its lasting oracles. The question of the calculating European and New Englander, as to which one of his family he shall select with whom to stock the sacred profession, never came from the land of inspiration and of divine missions. He that was too dull to be a rogue, or a successful practitioner in law, medicine or merchandise, the old maxim thought to promise best for the pulpit. No such plottings had aught to do in the election of this young man. It was warm from his heart, was seasoned in prayers, baptized in tears, and cherished in sleepless night-watchings and lonely meditations. Preaching skilfully, learned as an art, may be had almost as cheaply as Parisian dancing; but the living word that "breaketh the rocks in pieces" never comes in it.

Mr. Badger attended meetings through the summer, heard, when they had no minister, one of John Wesley's sermons read, as dictated by the discipline; mingling with others his own voice of exhortation and prayer. The eyes of all were soon fixed upon him, and the brethren began to complain of his disobedience to the heavenly vision long before he had intimated to any one the state of his mind. Some assured him confidently that they had an evidence from God that it was his duty to preach, and that their meetings were impoverished by his unfaithful withholding. "This," says he, "I could not deny." Though encouraged by the kindred sympathy of Mr. Gilson, who narrated to him his own trials before entering the ministry, though finding a response to his own conviction of duty in the hearts of all the spiritually minded about him, he did not immediately or hastily go forth in ministerial action and armor. He waited the call of circumstance and occasion. His journal narrates a most beautiful visit he had at the house of Capt. Felix Ward, where the conversation was wholly devoted to religion; where scripture inquiry, prayer and holy song united to enlighten their minds, and to lay the basis of a valuable lasting friendship; and though strangers to each other, the family spoke of him afterwards as one whom they then believed would be a chosen vessel to bear the honor of God before the Gentiles. "I thought," says Mr. B., "I scarcely ever saw a house so full of the glory of God."

But particular occasion calls. In June or July, 1812, persecution arose in Ascott, which drove from the province two successful ministers, Messrs. Bates and Granger, because they would not swear allegiance to King George, which they boldly affirmed that they would never do. Thanking God that they were counted worthy to suffer for Christ, they meekly submitted to the persecution that seized them as prisoners in the midst of a happy meeting, and that drove them, after a lengthy arbitration, back into their own country, the State of Vermont.

"When I heard of this circumstance," says Mr. B., "my
heart, filled with love for the dear converts and brethren
who were bereaved of their pastors by the counsel of the
ungodly, caused me to feel my responsibility anew; as I was
a citizen of the country, knew the manners and customs of
the people, and could easily take a position from which the
same persecuting powers could not drive me. My heart, like
David's, began to burn with a holy resolve to go forth into
the field, and take the place of my injured brothers."

Though a stranger in the town of Ascott, where these events occurred, (a town about twelve miles from Compton,) he started on Saturday, near Sept. 1st, to attend with them a general meeting of which he had previously heard, and as he was riding through a space of woods, it suddenly struck him that Mr. Moulton would be absent, and that he should be obliged to speak; and the hundreds who remember the simplicity and naturalness of the texts from which he almost invariably preached in after life, will see something characteristic in the passage, Heb. 13: 1, that came at once to his mind, "Let brotherly love continue." Hesitating for a time whether he would proceed or return, as he was satisfied that he should meet this great duty if he proceeded, he went forward, found a large audience assembled and no minister present. As he entered, all eyes were attracted to him, and though many present regarded him as one whom the Holy Spirit had called to preach, he remained through the meeting in silence, except at the close he owned his disobedience, and received from several present warnings to be faithful hereafter. In personal figure Mr. B. was a noble and commanding man, one that could not pass among strangers without drawing to himself a marked attention.

Saturday evening he was invited to pass at Mr. Bullard's, where they spent part of the evening in singing, and hours, he says, upon their knees in prayer,--an evening by him never forgotten, as the Holy Spirit consciously filled their hearts with joy. "I thought then," says our youth, "I never saw so happy a family. Oh, what a glorious age will it be when the principles of pure religion shall pervade the world!" On Sunday they repaired to the place of worship, where "Mr. M. most beautifully described from James 1: 25, the perfect law of liberty. Many were in spirit refreshed, and indeed we sat together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus." As the Lord's Supper was not then administered, another appointment was made, and from the happy influences of this meeting with saints, Mr. B. returned home "in the power of the Spirit," firmly resolved to do all that duty might ever require. He again returned to Ascott to attend the appointment made for the communion, where Mr. M. gave an able discourse on having "_a sound mind_," and where, for the first time in his life, he partook of the symbols of Jesus' truth and dying love. He says:

"I trembled at the thought of attending on so sacred an
ordinance, and with so holy a band of brethren; but as I
could not feel justified in the neglect of the privilege, I
came forward in the worthiness of my Lord, and I believe
with his fear before my eyes. A deep solemnity rested on
the whole assembly, and our souls, at the close, were
seemingly on flame for the realms above. I was never
happier in my life at the close of a meeting.

"Mr. M., having appointments over St. Francis River, wished
me to take a journey with him. I complied. We crossed the
river, visited several families, had one meeting; then
passing up the river to Westbury (eight miles), through a
woody region mostly, we arrived in the afternoon much
fatigued, as we had to encounter the buffetings of a
violent storm. On our way, I had fallen back and rode
several miles alone in the most serious meditations. I
clearly saw the hardships of a missionary life, and felt
that I must enter the field. We found a loving company of
brethren, who received us kindly, and who appeared to be
steadfast in faith. We held several good meetings in the
place. Some were baptized. I also made the acquaintance of
Mr. Zenas Adams, a young minister who had just begun to
preach. This journey increased my confidence, as Mr.
Moulton was a discerning man, and qualified both from
knowledge and sympathy to assist young ministers. The
conversations with Mr. Adams were also advantageous. He was
but a few months my elder.

"I had now arrived at a crisis in which I must earnestly
dispose of every practical objection. I had said, 'I am a
child--I cannot speak.' I was but twenty years of age; I
thought my friends might be unwilling. Soon, however, my
father gave me my freedom; and I felt that there was much
meaning yet in the good scripture which saith, 'It shall be
given you in that same hour what ye shall speak.' I plead a
comparative illiteracy, as the minister is ordained to
teach, and ought to command the various resources of
knowledge. This objection also fled before that potent
scripture, James 1: 5, 'If any of you lack wisdom, let him
ask of God, who giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth
not; and it shall be given him.' I was satisfied of this,
that if God had called me to the work, with health, youth,
and industry on my part, He would give me every necessary
qualification. As swimming is learned by swimming, and
agriculture is acquired by its active pursuit, it struck me
that fidelity in the new work would secure the only
effectual skill in conducting it. I thought of a kind
father's house, of my loving parents who had watched over
my childhood, of the four brothers and four sisters with
whom I had lived in the greatest friendship; and I did not
omit to think of the needful renunciation of worldly
prospects, and of the censures I should get from some, and
the various treatment I had reason to expect from the world
if I went out as a faithful, uncompromising ambassador of
Christ. To take the parting hand with my dear relatives,
and to live in the world as a _stranger_ and _foreigner_,
called up many painful emotions in my breast as I glanced
into the uncertain future. Still no tide of emotion could
carry me back in my purposes, and with much feeling I felt
to say:

"'Farewell, oh my parents, the joy of my childhood,
My brothers and sisters, I bid you adieu!
To wander creation, its fields and its wildwood,
And call upon mortals their God to pursue:
When driven by rain-drops, and night shades prevailing,
And keen piercing north-winds my thin robes assailing,
And stars of the twilight in lustre regaling,
I'll seek some repose in a cottage unknown.'

"Through all my discouragements and melancholy hours,
interspersed throughout nearly a year's continuance, there
were times when the sweet peace of God grew conscious in my
heart, and always did this passage bring with it a cheering
light, "Lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the
world!" I felt that it was mine, that it was for me, and
for all true ministers through time, as well as for the
worthier ones who carried the Master's truth through
suffering and trial over the earth. Feeling now that the
time had come when I must venture forth, and finding that
nothing among the armory of Saul would suit my form or
answer my purpose, I concluded that no other way remained
for me but to rely on 'the mighty arm of the God of Jacob,'
under whose name I would fight the battle of life. In the
latter part of October, 1812, on a pleasant Sabbath
morning, while the people were gathering from every
direction for meeting, the following passage came with
power to my mind, and as no minister was present that day,
I knew I could offer no good excuse for a refusal to speak.
Phil. 2: 5. 'Let this mind be in you, which was also in
Christ Jesus.' On this text, on this very glorious theme,
my public life began, and doubtless in a weak, broken, and
trembling manner. I have often thought of my first text,
and have endeavored to make it my motto for life, for it is
on the idea here advanced that the vital merit of ministers
and Christians must forever depend. How important that the
Gospel minister should have the mind of Christ! How can he
otherwise preach Him to the world? How may he penetrate the
centre of other souls and hold up the living evidence of
Christianity without it? How important that all Christians
have His spirit and temper! For it is this that directs,
this that supports, this that adorns the child of God.

"But when the echo of the first effort came back from the
community, 'Joseph Badger has become a preacher,' a
sentence then in everybody's mouth, I was greatly
mortified, particularly when the invitations came to me
before the week had ended, to go and preach in different
parts of the town. I complied as far as practicable with
these requests, and our meetings were thronged with people
who came to hear the new minister, the young man--young,
indeed, in a double sense,--in years and in experience.
Perhaps never before did surrounding circumstances unite to
render me more thoroughly conscious of my weakness,
dependence, and inefficiency. I spent much time in secret
prayer, and in pensive meditation, and the cry I once
before had made in the anticipation now arose with
redoubled energy, 'Lord, who is sufficient for these
things?' More than ever did I begin to fell the worth of
souls by night and by day; and through the bodily fatigues
to which my labors subjected me, the sense of
responsibility and insufficiency that weighed upon me, my
mind was somewhat shaded with melancholy, and often did my
heart find relief in tears.

"The next Thursday evening after my first sermon, I
attended a Conference, where I met Mr. Gilson, a well-known
minister. He appeared much rejoiced at what he called 'the
good news,' and insisted that as there were many present, I
should occupy the desk as the speaker, and give the
introductory sermon. This, to me, was a great cross,
particularly so as one of my brothers was present. After
enduring for a time the conflict of feelings, which may be
easily imagined, I went forward in prayer, then arose to
speak from 1 John 5, 19th verse: 'And we know that we are
of God, and the whole world lieth in wickedness.' In
speaking, I had a good time, and both branches of the
subject, which run over the ground occupied by saints and
sinners, seemed to have a good effect; it inspired joy in
the one, and awakened solemnity in the other. Mr. G.
approbated my discourse, but I felt much mortified that I,
a mere lad, was called out to set my _few loaves_ and
_small fishes_ before the great multitude."