Chapter I: Return to My Husband

Two or three times while I was at Government House I had seen my husband, and had learned that the woman who rightly or wrongly had come between us had gone back to her own people. One day someone came and told me that John had gone to America. It upset all I was doing. It was nearly ten years since I had become his wife. I did not know what to think sometimes. It required some forgiving and forgetting, but if he were in any trouble I am quite sure I would go to him. Guess my astonishment when one evening a maid came to my room and said there was a gentleman who wanted to see me. It was an unusual incident for any gentleman to look for me in my own quarters, so I came and saw my husband coming towards me. I hurried forward to meet him as if we had never parted. He pleaded to let bygones be bygones, and come and live with him. A feeling of reassurance and content took possession of me, and I began to cherish hopes of happiness yet. I had often said to myself, "How can I live in this world alone?"

In the morning I told Mr. Hixon that I was going home to my husband. They were too humane to say no to me, so in a week's time I was with John in a wee house in Childers-street, North Adelaide. The house had only two rooms, and was back from the street. I hoped we would be able to get something better some day. One of Professor Tate's daughters was about to be married, and came one day and asked me if I would prepare a wedding feast in Buxton-street. I did so. The ladies who saw me do that work then for the first time in my life enquired if I would give lessons on cookery. Mrs. Tate gave the use of her kitchen and stove, and my first students were there. Soon I found myself with more employment than I could manage in helping families in their own homes when they had company. There was still dissatisfaction with the person who went to my place at Government House, and I was sent for to see if I would come back. They had changed more than once since I left. I did not know what to do, but I promised her ladyship before she went back to England that I would go to the Government House in case of emergency while she was gone. The Governor was in the room at the time, and he must have thought that I said I would come back permanently. He went away to some of the other colonies and sent a telegram to me to say that he would expect me to take charge as housekeeper when he came back. I was to send an answer yes or no. I thought that I would go in and out daily, and that I could still keep on our little home, and that I could explain everything when I could see Sir William. I sent word, "Yes," and when he came back I was sent for. Nothing would do, however, except for me to come in the house. I asked him what was to happen to my husband, and he said, "Let him come here too. There are plenty of rooms." He added that my husband could live there because of my services, and it would make no difference in my payment. So I went to where my husband was working and told him. He did not seem over-pleased at the idea of living at Government House, but we both thought it would not be for long, so we put our things in some friend's place and we both went into the house. That was the third time I had been there to live, and it did not seem strange to me.

There being no restraint on my husband we had nothing to complain of. He had a nice large room, where he had meetings in his capacity as secretary of the Rechabites, and he had his auditors there time after time just as if he were in his own home. We lived there for more than two years. My husband's work was in the city just close by. I never had any time to join any of those societies. No one could be less dependent on outward society than I was. I could enjoy it, but I never craved after it, as it was not necessary for my very existence. I had to give all and expect nothing. Still, I think that every individual has a right to some festivity, even if he does not belong to some sisterhood or brotherhood.

The lady did not come back as soon as I had hoped she would, and Sir William was restless. He was no sooner at Marble Hill than he would take it in his head to be off to the Bay or somewhere else. I was all the time rushing about with maids and men. I got weary of it, and gave a month's intimation that I would like to leave if he could get someone in my place. So my husband and I set about to look for a house, and decided on the one in which I live. It was in a very unfinished state, and I helped my husband to put it in order. We worked hard to make it a comfortable home, which I thought was for both of us. I knew I could be helpful. I went out to work wherever I could as a professional cook, and had a ladies' class in the house. Then there was an advertisement for someone to teach cookery at the School of Mines. I got that office, and was there for 14 years as cookery instructress. In spite of the past I worked on with pleasure, looking forward to that future which has never come.

Time went on peacefully for some years. Teaching brought me in contact with people superior to myself and with the nicest of ladies. I was pleased, for it was good for me, who had been tossed about from early girlhood, and I was thankful for my home. But even when youth is past life is still full of surprises. What a bitter thing is jealousy. If you have one taste all that comes after is poisoned. That is the worst of it.

YET ANOTHER PARTING.

My husband took care that I should not see or enjoy any of the pleasures in the many societies to which he belonged. And with curiosity I wondered why others who were not sisters of the order were going here and there. I was out of everything. Then I began to have anonymous letters, which I would not take any notice of for a long time. But when I saw things for myself all was at an end. One discovery led to another. About three years ago I let him go where his heart is. He was nice to me once. I am not the sort of woman to be satisfied with half-measures. We parted. I get my own living the best way I can. In all those trying years of my life I only once appealed to anyone to help me. I asked him if he could help, as I thought he was a good man. Some plan was hit upon, and he must have had a share in the scheme whereby I have been left to struggle in bitterness all alone. When people have come to me and told me to say nothing about what has been done to me, and that it is golden to be silent, how little they have known the pain that is in memory when all we prize has gone. Some have tried to console me by telling me that "they are glad they are not me."

I need not say that all this sort of sympathy is madness. I am happy to say that I have the best balm for sorrow. I have a busy life. There is something sad in the kind of friendships that have to be watched by the inquisitive who sit down and write about their suspicions to destroy other people's lives. I could not bend to all without some resistance. I was baffled at every turn. This "sisterly and brotherly" may be very innocent, and if I had been allowed to go to some of the public gatherings I would not have been so jealous.

We make environment and get blocked. Do not reproach me with ingratitude, but I am at war sometimes with my long life of toil now I am by myself alone. "Words, words, words." Some things are too hard either to write about or to speak of.

J. L. Bonython & Co., Printers, "The Advertiser" Office, Adelaide.

+---------------------------------------------------+ |Transcriber's note: | | | |Obvious typographical errors have been corrected. | | | +---------------------------------------------------+