Chapter VII: Part 7

The Navy still remains the silent Service, but, as the need for reticence is being relaxed by the triumph of our arms, we are beginning to learn something, though unofficially as yet, of that "plaything of the Navy and nightmare of the Huns"--the Q-boat:

She can weave a web of magic for the unsuspecting foe,
She can scent the breath of Kultur leagues away,
She can hear a U-boat thinking in Atlantic depths below
And disintegrate it with a Martian ray;
She can feel her way by night
Through the minefield of the Bight;
She has all the tricks of science, grave and gay.

In the twinkle of a searchlight she can suffer a sea-change
From a collier to a _Shamrock_ under sail,
From a Hyper-super-Dreadnought, old Leviathan at range,
To a lightship or a whaler or a whale;
With some canvas and a spar
She can mock the morning star
As a haystack or the flotsam of a gale.

She's the derelict you chartered north of Flores outward-bound,
She's the iceberg that you sighted coming back,
She's the salt-rimed Biscay trawler heeling home to Plymouth Sound,
She's the phantom-ship that crossed the moon-beams' track;
She's the rock where none should be
In the Adriatic Sea,
She's the wisp of fog that haunts the Skagerrack.

Recognition of services faithfully done is an endless task; but Mr. Punch is glad to print the valedictory tribute of one of the boys in blue to a V.A.D.--a class that has come in for much undeserved criticism.

While willy-nilly I must go
A-hunting of the Hun,
You'll carry on--which now I know
(Although I've helped to rag you so)
Means great work greatly done.

Among the minor events of the month has been the christening of a baby by the names of Grierson Plumer Haig French Smith-Dorrien, as its father served under these generals. The idea is, no doubt, to prevent the child when older from asking: "What did you do in the Great War, Daddy?"

England, as we have already said, endures its triumphs with composure. But our printers are not altogether immune from excitement. An evening paper informs us that "the dwifficuplties of passing from rigid trench warfare to field warfare are gigantic and perhaps unsurmountable." And only our innate sense of comradeship deters us from naming the distinguished contemporary which recently published an article entitled: "The Importance of Bray."

_October, 1918_.

THE growing _crescendo_ of success has reached its climax in this, the most wonderful month of our _annus mirabilis._ Every day brings tidings of a new victory. St. Quentin, Cambrai, and Laon had all been recaptured in the first fortnight. On the 17th Ostend, Lille, and Douai were regained, Bruges was reoccupied on the 19th, and by the 20th the Belgian Army under King Albert, reinforced by the French and Americans, and with the Second British Army under General Plumer on the right, had compelled the Germans to evacuate the whole coast of Flanders. The Battle of Liberation, which began on the Marne in July, is now waged uninterruptedly from the Meuse to the sea. Only in Lorraine has the advance of the American Army been held up by the difficulties of the _terrain_ and the exceptionally stubborn resistance of the Germans.

Elsewhere the "war of movement" has gone on with unrelenting energy according to Foch's plan, which suggests a revision of Pope:

Great Foch's law is by this rule exprest,
Prevent the coming, speed the parting pest.

The German, true to his character of the world's worst loser and winner, leaves behind him all manner of booby-traps, some puerile, many diabolical, which give our sappers plenty of work, cause a good many casualties, and only confirm the resolve of the victors.

According to a German paper--the _Rhenish Westphalian Gazette_--ex-criminals are being drafted into the German Army. But the Allies propose to treat them without invidious distinction. The Crown Prince recently observed that he had "many friends in the Entente countries"; as a matter of fact, we seem to be getting them at the rate of about twenty-five thousand a week. The criminals in the German Navy have again been busy, adding to their previous exploits the sinking of the passenger steamer _Leinster_, in the Irish Channel, with heavy loss of life, the worst disaster of the kind since the torpedoing of the _Lusitania_. Yet it is Germany that is the sinking ship. Ferdinand of Bulgaria has joined the League of Abdication, and according to a Sofia telegram, will devote himself to scientific pursuits. His only regret is that the Allies thought of it first. Prince Friedrich Karl of Hesse says that his accession to the throne of Finland will not take place for two years, and for the first time since his emergence into publicity we find ourselves in agreement with this monarch-elect. Ludendorff has resigned. Austria is suing for peace; Count Tisza asks: "Why not admit frankly that we have lost the War?" The Italians have crossed the Piave, and the Serbians have reached the Danube. Turkey has been granted an armistice, and with the daily victories of the Allies comes the daily report that the Kaiser has abdicated.

MARSHAL FOCH (to Messrs. Clemenceau, Wilson and Lloyd George): "If you're going up that road, gentlemen, look out for booby-traps."]

Prince Max of Baden, the successor of Hertling in the Chancellorship, whose appointment hardly bears out the promise of popular government, has issued a pacific Manifesto which inspires an "Epitaph in anticipation":

In memory of poor Prince Max,
Who, posing as the friend of Pax,
Yet was not noticeably lax
In the true Teuton faith which hacks
Its way along; forbidden tracks,
Marks bloody dates on almanacs
And holds all promises as wax;
Breeding, where once we knew Hans Sachs,
A race of monomaniacs....
But now illusion's mirror cracks,
The radiant vision fades, the axe
Lies at the root. So farewell, Max!

Certain people have proclaimed their opinion that the German nation ought not to be humiliated. When all is said, Mr. Punch saves his pity for our murdered dead.

Parliament has met again, not that there is any very urgent need for their labours just now. With a caution that seemed excessive Mr. Bonar Law has thought it premature to discuss a military situation changing every hour--though happily always for the better--or even to propose a formal Vote of Thanks to men who are daily adding to their harvest of laurels. On better grounds discussion of Mr. Wilson's famous "fourteen points" and of demobilisation has been deprecated. The suggestion--made opportunely on Trafalgar Day--for securing marks of distinction for our merchant seamen gained a sympathetic hearing, and the proposal to make women eligible for Parliament has been carried after a serious debate by an overwhelming majority in which the _ci-devant_ anti-suffragists were as prominent as the others. Five years ago such a motion would have furnished an orgy of alleged humour, and been laughed out of the House. Mr. Dillon and his colleagues have put a great many questions about the torpedoing of the _Leinster_ and the lack of an escort. But it is unfortunate that their tone suggested more indignation with the alleged laches of the Admiralty than horror at the German crime. Irish indignation over the outrage, according to a Nationalist M.P., is intense; but not to the point of expressing itself in khaki.

The woes of the Irish harvest labourers in England have not yet been fully appreciated, and seem to demand a revised version of "Moira O'Neill's" beautiful poem:

THE IRISH EXILE

Over here in England I'm slavin' in the rain;
Six-an'-six a day we get, an' beds that wanst were clane;
Weary on the English work, 'tis killin' me that same--
Och, Muckish Mountain, where I used to lie an' dhrame!

At night the windows here are black as Father Murphy's hat;
'Tis fivepence for a pint av beer, an' thin ye can't get that;
Their beef has shtrings like anny harp, for dacent ham I hunt--
Och, Muckish Mountain, an' my pig's sweet grunt!

Sure there's not a taste av butthermilk that wan can buy or beg,
Thin their sweet milk has no crame, an' is as blue as a duck-egg;
Their whisky is as wake as wather-gruel in a bowl--Och,
Muckish Mountain, where the _poteen_ warms yer sowl!

'Tis mesilf that longs for Irish air an' gran' ould Donegal,
Where there's lashins and there's lavins and no scarcity at all;
Where no wan cares about the War, but just to ate an' play--
Och, Muckish Mountain, wid yer feet beside the say!

Sure these Englishmin don't spare thimselves in this thremenjus fight;
They say 'tis life or death for thim, an', faith, they may be right;
But Father Murphy tells me that it's no consarn av mine--
Och, Muckish Mountain, where the white clouds shine!

Over there in Ireland we're very fond av peace,
Though we break the heads av Orangemin an' batther the police;
For we're all agin the Governmint wheriver we may be--
Och, Muckish Mountain, an' the wild wind blowin' free!

If they tuk me out to Flandhers, bedad I'd have to fight,
An' I'm tould thim Jarman vagabones won't let ye sleep at night;
So I'm going home to Ireland wid English notes galore--
Och, Muckish Mountain, I will niver lave ye more!

By way of contrast there is the mood of the Old Contemptibles, but it is only fair to add that there are Irishmen among them:

THE OLD-TIMER

'E aint't bin 'ung with medals, like a lot o' chaps abaht;
'E's wore a little dingy but 'e isn't wearin' aht;
'Is ole tin 'at is battered, but it isn't battered in,
An' if 'e ain't fergot to grouse, 'e ain't fergot to grin.

I fancy that 'e's aged a bit since fust the War begun;
'E's 'ad 'is fill o' fightin' an' 'e's 'ad 'is share o' fun;
'Is eyes is kind o' quiet an' 'is mouth is sort o' set,
But if I didn't know 'im well I wouldn't know 'im yet.

I recollec' the look of 'im the time o' the retreat,
The blood was through 'is toonic an' the skin was orf 'is feet;
But "Come aboard the bus," say 'e, "or you'll be lef be'ind!"
An' takes me weight upon 'is back--it 'asn't slip me mind.

It might 'ave 'appened yesterday, it comes to me so plain;
'E's dahn an' up a dozen times, a-reeling through the rain;
It might 'ave bin lars' Saturday I seem to 'ear 'im say:
"There's plenty room a-top, me lad, an' nothin' more to pay."

'E ain't bin 'ung with medals like a blackamore with beads;
'E doesn't figure on the screen a-doin' darin' deeds;
But reckon I'll be lucky if I gets to Kingdom Come
Along o' that Contemptible wot wouldn't leave a chum.

FIRST CONTEMPTIBLE: "D'you remember halting here on the retreat, George?"

SECOND DITTO: "Can't call it to mind, somehow. Was it that little village in the wood there down by the river, or was it that place with the cathedral and all them factories?"]

Amongst other items of news we have to chronicle the appointment of Mr. Arnold Bennett as a Director of Propaganda, the steady growth of goat-keeping, and the exactions of taxi-drivers. It is now suggested that if one of these pirates should charge you largely in excess of his legal fare, you should tell him that you have nothing less than a five-pound note. If you have an honest face and speak kindly he will probably accept the amount.

Mr. Bonar Law has been making trips to and from France by aeroplane. The report that a number of members of the Opposition have been invited by the Admiralty to make a descent in a depth-charge turns out to be unfounded. The prospects of peace are being discussed on public platforms, but, as yet, with commendable discretion. Mr. Roberts, our excellent Minister of Labour, has made bold to say that "the happenings of the last six weeks justify us in the belief that peace is much nearer than it was during the earlier part of the year." And a weekly paper has offered a prize of £500 to the reader who predicts the date when the War will end. Meanwhile, Hanover is said to have made Hindenburg a birthday present of a house in the neighbourhood of the Zoological Gardens in that city, and we suggest that before this gift is incorporated in the peace-terms the words "the neighbourhood of" should be deleted.

_November, 1918_.

The end has come with a swiftness that has outdone the hopes of the most sanguine optimists. In the first eleven days of November we have seen history in the making on a larger scale and with larger possibilities than at any time since the age of Napoleon, perhaps since the world began.

To take the chief events in order, the Versailles Conference opened on the 1st; on the 3rd Austria gave in and the resolve of the German Naval High Command to challenge the Grand Fleet in the North Sea was paralysed by the mutiny at Kiel; on the 5th the Versailles Conference gave full powers to Marshal Foch to arrange the terms of an armistice, and President Wilson addressed the last of his Notes to Germany; on the 6th the American Army reached Sedan; on the 9th Marshal Foch received Erzberger and the other German Envoys, the Berlin Revolution broke out, and the Kaiser abdicated; on the 10th the Kaiser fled to Holland, and the British reached Mons. The wheel had come full circle. The Belgian, British, French, and American Armies now formed a semi-circle from Ghent to Sedan, and threatened to surround the German Armies already in retreat and crowded into the narrow valley of the Meuse. Everything was ready for Foch's final attack; indeed, he was on the point of attacking when the Germans, recognising that they were faced with the prospect of a Sedan ten times greater than that of 1870, signed on November 11 an armistice which was equivalent to a military capitulation, and gave Marshal Foch all that he wanted without the heavy losses which further fighting would have undoubtedly involved. He had shown himself the greatest military genius of the War. Here, in the words of one of his former colleagues at the Ecole de Guerre, he proved himself free from the stains which have so often tarnished great leaders in war, the lust of conquest and personal ambition. Not only the Allies, but the whole world owes an incalculable debt to this soldier of justice, compact of reason and faith, imperturbable in adversity, self-effacing in the hour of victory. Glorious also is the record of the other French Generals: the strong-souled Pétain, hero of Verdun; the heroic Maunoury; Castlenau and Mangin, Gouraud. Debeney, and Franchet d'Esperey, Captains Courageous, worthy of France, her cause, and her indomitable _poilus_. In the record of acknowledgment France stands first since her sacrifices and losses have been heaviest, and she gave us in Foch the chief organiser of victory, in Clemenceau the most inspiring example of intrepid statesmanship. But the War could not have been won without England and the Empire; without the ceaseless vigil in the North Sea; without the heroes of Jutland and Coronel, of the Falkland Isles and Zeebrugge, of the Fleets behind the Fleet; without the services of Smith-Dorrien at Mons, French at Ypres; without the dogged endurance, the inflexible will and the self-sacrificing loyalty of Haig; the dash of Maude and Allenby; the steadfast leadership in defence and offence of Plumer and Byng, Home and Rawlinson and Birdwood.

With Mr. Punch's Grateful Compliments to Field-Marshal Sir Douglas Haig.]

These are only some of the heroes who have added to the glories of our blood and State, but the roll is endless--wonderful gunners and sappers and airmen and dispatch riders, devoted surgeons and heroic nurses, stretcher-bearers and ambulance drivers. But Mr. Punch's special heroes are the Second Lieutenants and the Tommy who went on winning the War all the time and never said that he was winning it until it was won.

As for the young officers, dead and living, their record is the best answer to the critics, mostly of the arm-chair type, who have chosen this time to assail our public school system. In the papers of one of them killed on August 28 there was found an article written in reply to "The Loom of Youth," ending with these words: "Perhaps the greatest consolation of these attacks on our greatest heritage in England (for we are the unique possessors of the Public Schools) is the conviction that they will have but little effect. Every public school boy is serving, and one in every six gives up his life. They cannot be such bad places after all."

Of the great mistakes made by Germany perhaps the greatest was in reckoning on the detachment of the Dominions. The Canadians have made answer on a hundred stricken fields before and after Vimy Ridge. Australia gave her goodliest at Gallipoli, crowning the imperishable glory of those who died there by her refusal to make a grievance of the apparent failure of the expedition, and by the amazing achievement of her troops in the last six months of the War.

The immortal dead, British, Australians, New Zealanders, who fell in the great adventure of the narrow straits are not forgotten in the hour of triumph.

GALLIPOLI
_Qui procul hinc ante diem perierunt_.

Ye unforgotten, that for a great dream died,
Whose failing sense darkened on peaks unwon,
Whose souls went forth upon the wine-dark tide
To seas beyond the sun,
Far off, far off, but ours and England's yet,
Know she has conquered! Live again, and let
The clamouring trumpets break oblivion!

Not as we dreamed, nor as you strove to do,
The strait is cloven, the crag is made our own;
The salt grey herbs have withered over you,
The stars of Spring gone down,
And your long loneliness has lain unstirred
By touch of home, unless some migrant bird
Flashed eastward from the white cliffs to the brown.

Hard by the nameless dust of Argive men,
Remembered and remote, like theirs of Troy,
Your sleep has been, nor can ye wake again
To any cry of joy;
Summers and snows have melted on the waves.
And past the noble silence of your graves
The merging waters narrow and deploy.

But not in vain, not all in vain, thank God;
All that you were and all you might have been
Was given to the cold effacing sod,
Unstrewn with garlands green;
The valour and the vision that were yours
Lie not with broken spears and fallen towers,
With glories perishable of all things seen.

Children of one dear land and every sea,
At last fulfilment comes--the night is o'er;
Now, as at Samothrace, swift Victory
Walks winged on the shore;
And England, deathless Mother of the dead,
Gathers, with lifted eyes and unbowed head,
Her silent sons into her arms once more.

Crowns and thrones have rocked and toppled of late, but our King and Queen, by their unsparing and unfaltering devotion to duty, by their simplicity of life and unerring instinct for saying and doing the right thing, have not only set a fine example, but strengthened their hold on the loyalty of all classes. And King Albert, who defied Germany at the outset, shared the dangers of his soldiers in retreat and disaster, and throughout the war proved an inspiration to his people, has been spared to lead them to victory and has gloriously come into his own again. His decision to resist Germany was perhaps the most heroic act of the War, and he has emerged from his tremendous ordeal with world-wide prestige and unabated distaste for the limelight. The liberation and resurrection of Belgium and Serbia have been two of the most splendid outcomes of the World War, as the _débâcle_ in Russia and the martyrdom of Armenia have been its greatest tragedies.

Parliament has been seen at its best and worst. When the Prime Minister rose in the House on the afternoon of the 11th to announce the terms of the Armistice signed at 5 A.M. that morning, members from nearly all parts of the House rose to acclaim him. Even "the ranks of Tuscany" on the front Opposition bench joined in the general cheering. Only Mr. Dillon and his half-dozen supporters remained moody and silent, and when Mr. Speaker, in his gold-embroidered joy-robes, headed a great procession to St. Margaret's Church, and the ex-Premier and his successor--the man who drew the sword of Britain in the war for freedom and the man whose good fortune it has been to replace it in the sheath--fell in side by side, behind them walked the representatives of every party save one. Mr. Dillon and his associates had more urgent business in one of the side lobbies--to consider, perhaps, why Lord Grey of Falloden, in his eve-of-war speech, had referred to Ireland as "the one bright spot." This Irish aloofness is wondrously illustrated by the _Sunday Independent_ of Dublin, which, in its issue of November 10, spoke of a racing event as the only redeeming feature of "an unutterably dull week." We have to thank Mr. Dillon, however, for unintentionally enlivening the dulness of the discussion on the relations of Lord Northcliffe to the Ministry of Information and his forecast of the peace terms. Mr. Baldwin, for the Government, while endeavouring to allay the curiosity of members, said that "Napoleons will be Napoleons." Mr. Dillon seemed to desire the appointment of a "Northcliffe Controller," but that is impracticable. All our bravest men are too busy to take on the job. Better still was the pointed query of Lord Henry Bentinck, "Is it not possible to take Lord Northcliffe a little too seriously?" But there are other problems to which the House has been addressing itself with a justifiable seriousness--and demobilisation, the shortage of food and coal, and the question how at the same time we are to provide for the outlay of coals of fire and feed the Huns and not the guns.

And how has England taken the news? In the main soberly and in a spirit of infinite thankfulness, though in too many thousands of homes the loss of our splendid, noble and gallant sons--alas! so often only sons--who made victory possible by the gift of their lives, has made rejoicing impossible for those who are left to mourn them. Yet there is consolation in the knowledge that if they had lived to extreme old age they could never have made a nobler thing of their lives. Shakespeare, who "has always been there before," wrote the epitaph of those who fell in France when he spoke of one who gave

His body to that pleasant country's earth,
And his pure soul unto his captain, Christ,
Under whose colours he had fought so long.

SMALL CHILD (excitedly): "Oh, Mother, what _do_ you think? They've given us a whole holiday to-day in aid of the war."]

And it is a source of unspeakable joy that our children are safe. For though to most of them their ignorance has been bliss, they have not escaped the horrors of a war in which non-combatants have suffered worse than ever before. Only the healing hand of time can allay the grief of those for whom there can be no reunion on earth with their nearest and dearest:

At last the dawn creeps in with golden fingers
Seeking my eyes, to bid them open wide
Upon a world at peace, where Sweetness lingers,
Where Terror is at rest and Hate has died.

Loud soon shall sound a paean of thanksgiving
From happy women, welcoming their men,
Life born anew of joy to see them living.
Mother of Pity, what shall I do then?

Of the people at large Mr. Punch cannot better the praise of one, the late Mr. Henry James, who was nothing if not critical, and who proved his love of England by adopting her citizenship in the darkest hour of her need: "They were about as good, above all, when it came to the stress, as could well be expected of people. They didn't know how good they were," and if they lacked imagination they stimulated it immensely in others.

Apart from some effervescence in the great cities, Armistice Day was celebrated without exultation or extravagance. In one village that we know of the church bells were rung by women. In London our deliverance was to many people marked in the most dramatic way by the breaking of his long silence by Big Ben:

Gone are the days when sleep alone could break
War's grim and tyrannous spells;
Now it is rest and joy to lie awake
And listen to the bells.

So the Great War ended. But there yet remained the most dramatic episode of all--the surrender of the German Fleet to Admiral Beatty at Scapa Flow--a surrender unprecedented in naval history, a great victory won without striking a blow, which yet brought no joy to our Grand Fleet. For our admirals and captains and bluejackets felt that the Germans had smirched the glory of the fighting men of the sea, hitherto maintained in untarnished splendour by all vanquished captains from the days of Carthage to those of Cervera and Cradock.

To commemorate the surrender of the German Fleet]

EPILOGUE

It remains to trace in brief retrospect the record of "the months between"--a period of test and trial almost as severe as that of the War.

Having steadfastly declined the solution of a Peace without Victory, the Allies entered last November on the transitional period of Victory without Peace. The fighting was ended in the main theatres of war, the Kaiser and Crown Prince, discrowned and discredited, had sought refuge in exile, the great German War machine had been smashed, and demobilisation began at a rate which led to inevitable congestion and disappointment. The prosaic village blacksmith was not far out when, in reply to the vicar's pious hope that the time had come to beat our sword into a ploughshare, he observed, "Well, I don't know, sir. Speaking as a blacksmith of forty-five years' experience, I may tell you it can't be done." "The whole position is provisional," said the _Times_ at the end of November. If Germany, Austria, and Russia were to be fed, how was it to be done without disregarding the prior claims of Serbia and Roumania? Even at home the food question still continued to agitate the public mind.

The General Election of December, 1918, which followed the dissolution of the longest Parliament since the days of Charles II., was a striking, if temporary proof, of the persistence of the rationing principle. It proved a triumph for the Coalition "Coupon" and for Mr. Lloyd George; the extremists and Pacificists were snowed under; Mr. Asquith was rejected and his followers reduced to a mere handful; Labour came back with an increased representation, though not as great as it desired or deserved. The triumph of the irreconcilables in Ireland was a foregone but sinister conclusion to their activities in the War, and an ominous prelude to their subsequent efforts to wreck the Pence. The pledges in regard to indemnities, the treatment of the Kaiser, and conscription so lavishly given by the Coalition Leaders caused no little misgiving at the time, and pledges, like curses, have an awkward way of coming home to roost. Mr. Punch's views on the Kaiser, expressed in his Christmas Epilogue, are worth recalling. Mr. Punch did not clamour for the death penalty, or wish to hand him over to the tender mercies of German Kultur. "The only fault he committed in German eyes is that he lost the War, and I wouldn't have him punished for the wrong offence--for something, indeed, which was our doing as much as his. No, I think I would just put him out of the way of doing further harm, in some distant penitentiary like the Devil's Island, and leave him to himself to think it all over; as _Caponsacchi_ said of _Guido_ in 'The Ring and the Book':

Not to die so much as slide out of life,
Pushed by the general horror and common hate
Low, lower--left o' the very edge of things."

"Don't you think we ought to hang the Kaiser, Mrs. 'Arris?"

"It ain't the Kaiser I'm worrying about--it's the bloke what interjuiced his war-bacon."]

Strasbourg, December 8th, 1918.]

Christmas, 1918, was more than "the Children's Truce." Our bugles had "sung truce," the war cloud had lifted, the invaded sky was once more free of "the grim geometry of Mars," and though very few households could celebrate the greatest of anniversaries with unbroken ranks, the mercy of reunion was granted to many homes. Yet Mr. Punch, in his Christmas musings on the solemn memory of the dead who gave us this hour, could not but realise the greatness of the task that lay before us if we were to make our country worthy of the men who fought and died for her. The War was over, but another had yet to be waged against poverty and sordid environment; against the disabilities of birth; against the abuse of wealth; against the mutual suspicions of Capital and Labour; against sloth, indifference, self-complacency, and short memories.

So the Old Year passed, the last of a terrible _quinquennium,_ bringing grounds for thankfulness and hope along with the promise of unrest and upheaval: with Alsace-Lorraine reunited to France, with the British army holding its Watch on the Rhine, and with all eyes fixed on Paris, the scene of the Peace Conference, already invaded by an international army of delegates, experts, advisers, secretaries, typists, 500 American journalists, and President Wilson.

Great Expectations and their Tardy Fulfilment, thus in headline fashion might one summarise the story of 1919, with Peace, the world's desire, waiting for months outside the door of the Conference Chamber, with civil war in Germany, Berlin bombed by German airmen, and anarchy in Russia, and here at home impatience and discomfort, aggravated in the earlier months by strikes and influenza, the largely increased numbers of unemployed politicians, the weariest and dreariest of winter weather.

Yet even January had its alleviations in the return of the banana, the prospect of unlimited lard, a distinct improvement in the manners of the retail tradesman, the typographical fireworks of the _Times_ in honour of President Wilson, and the retreat of Lord Northcliffe to the sunny south. Lovers of sensation were conciliated by the appointment of "F.E." to the Lord Chancellorship, the outbreak of Jazz, and the discovery of a French author that the plays usually attributed to Shakespeare were written by Lord Derby, though not apparently the present holder of the title. The loss, through rejection or withdrawal, of so many of his old Parliamentary puppets was a serious blow to Mr. Punch, but the old Liberals, buried like the Babes in the Wood beneath a shower of Coalition coupons, already showed a sanguine spirit, and the departure of the freaks could be contemplated with resignation. The great Exodus to Paris began in December, but it reached its height in January. The mystery of the Foreign Office official who had _not_ gone was cleared up by the discovery that he was the caretaker, a pivotal man who could not be demobilised. Another exodus of a less desirable sort was that of the Sinn Fein prisoners, which gave rise to the rumour that the Lord Lieutenant had threatened that if they destroyed any more jails they would be rigorously released. Sinn Fein, which refused to fight Germany, had already begun to play at a new sort of war. Australia was preparing to welcome the homing transports sped with messages of Godspeed from the Motherland:

Rich reward your hearts shall hold,
None less dear if long delayed,
For with gifts of wattle-gold
Shall your country's debt be paid;
From her sunlight's golden store
She shall heal your hurts of war.

Ere the mantling Channel's mist
Dim your distant decks and spars,
And your flag that victory kissed
And Valhalla hung with stars--
Crowd and watch our signal fly:
"Gallant hearts, good-bye! _Good-bye!"_

THE 1919 MODEL

MR. PUNCH: "They've given you a fine new machine, Mr. Premier, and you've got plenty of spirit, but look out for bumps."]

February, a month of comparative anti-climax, witnessed the reassembling of Parliament, fuller than ever of members if not of wisdom. As none of the Sinn Feiners were present, nor indeed any representative of Irish Nationalism, the proceedings were as orderly as a Quaker's funeral, save for the arrival of one member on a motor-scooter. Perhaps the most interesting information elicited during the debates was this--that every question put down costs the tax-payer a guinea. On February 20th there were 282 on the Order Paper, and Mr. Punch was moved to wonder whether this cascade of curiosity might be abated if every questionist were obliged to contribute half the cost, the amount to be deducted from his official salary. The Speaker, the greatest of living Parliamentarians, was re-elected by acclamation. Though human and humorous, he has grown into something almost more like an institution than a man, like Big Ben, that great patriot and public servant who never struck during the war. The best news in February was that of M. Clemenceau's escape, though wounded, from the Anarchist assassin who had attempted to translate Trotsky's threat into action. But it did not help on the proposed Conference with the Russians at Prinkipo or encourage the prospect of any tangible results from the deliberation of the Prinkipotentiaries. The plain man could see no third choice beyond supporting Bolshevism or anti-Bolshevism. But according to our Prime Minister, we were committed to a compromise. The Allies were not prepared to intervene in force, and they could not leave Russia to stew in her own hell-broth. Meanwhile the chief criminal, Germany, had begun to utter _ad misericordiam_ appeals for the relaxation of the Armistice terms on the score of their cruelty; and Count Brockdorff-Rantzau gave us a foretaste of his quality by declaring that "Germany cannot be treated as a second-rate nation."

"It wasna ma turrn tae write."]

(With Mr. Punch's best hopes for the success of the National Industrial Conference.)

BOTH LIONS (together): "Unaccustomed as I am to lie down with anything but a lamb, still, for the sake of the public good ... "]

At home, though the rays of "sweet unrationed revelry" were still to come, and _Dulce Domum_ could not yet be sung in every sense, February brought us some relief in the demobilisation of the pivotal pig. And the decision to hold a National Industrial Conference was of encouraging augury for the settlement of industrial strife on the basis of a full inquiry and frank statement of facts. In other walks of life reticence still has its charms, and even in February people had begun to ask who the General was who had threatened not to write a book about the War.

March, the mad month, remained true to type. Even Mr. Punch found it hard to preserve his equanimity:

O Month, before your final moon is set
Much may have happened--anything, in fact;
More than in any March that I have met,
(Last year excepted) fearful nerves are racked;
Anarchy does with Russia what it likes;
Paris is put conundrums very knotty;
And here in England, with its talk of strikes,
Men, like your own March hares, seem going dotty.

Abroad the ex-Kaiser was very busy sawing trees, possibly owing to an hallucination that they were German Generals.

THE EASTER OFFERING

MR. LLOYD GEORGE (fresh from Paris): "I don't say it's a perfect egg, but parts of it, as the saying is, are excellent."]

At home the Government decided to release such of the Sinn Fein prisoners as had not already saved them the trouble, and a Coal Industry Commission was appointed on which no representative of the general public was invited to sit--that is to say, the patient, much enduring consumer, not the public which has all along sought to discount peace by premature whooping, jubilating, and Jazzing. For the Dove of Peace, though in strict training, seemed in danger of collapsing under the weight of the League of Nations' olive bough, to say nothing of other perils, notably the Bolshy-bird, a most obscene brand of vulture.

Mr. Wilson was once more on the Atlantic, and Mr. Lloyd George, distracted between his duties in Paris and the demands of Labour, recalled Sir Boyle Roche's bird, or the circus performer riding two horses at once. In Parliament the interpretation of election pledges occupied a good deal of time, and Mr. Bonar Law twice declared the policy of the Government in regard to indemnities as being to demand the largest amount that Germany could pay, but not to demand what we knew she couldn't pay. It would have saved him a great deal of trouble if at the General Election the Government spokesmen had insisted as much upon the second half of the policy as they did on the first. Earnest appeals for economy were made from the Treasury Bench on the occasion of the debate on the Civil Service Estimates, now swollen to five times their pre-war magnitude, and were heartily applauded by the House. To show how thoroughly they had gone home, Mr. Adamson, the Labour Leader, immediately pressed for an increase in the salaries of Members of Parliament.

OVERWEIGHTED

PRESIDENT WILSON: "Here's your olive branch. Now get busy."

DOVE OF PEACE: "Of course, I want to please everybody, but isn't this a bit thick?"]

MOTHER (to son who has fought on most of the Fronts): "Don't you know what to do with yourself, George? Why don't you 'ave a walk down the road, dear?"

FATHER: "Ah, 'e ain't seen the corner where they pulled down Simmondses' fish-shop, 'as 'e. Ma?"]

On the Rhine the efforts of our army of occupation to present the stern and forbidding air supposed to mark our dealings with the inhabitants were proving a lamentable failure. You can't produce a really good imitation of a Hun without lots of practice. Gloating is entirely foreign to the nature of Thomas Atkins, and he could not pass a child yelling in the gutter without stooping to comfort it. At home his education was proceeding on different lines. The period of reaction had set in, and unwonted exertions were necessary to stimulate his interest. Such artless devices were, however, preferable to the pastime, already fashionable in more exalted circles, of kicking a total stranger round the room to the accompaniment of cymbals, a motor siren, and a frying pan.

After a month of madness it was not to be wondered at that we should have a month of muzzling, though the enforcement of the order might have been profitably extended from dogs to journalists. The secrecy maintained by the Big Four--a phrase invented by America--the conflict of the idealists with the realists, and the temporary break-away of the Italian wrestler, Orlando, were bound to excite comment. But a shattered world could not be rebuilt in a day, with Bolshevist wolves prowling about the Temple of Peace, and the Dove at sea between the Ark and Archangel. The Covenant of the League of Nations, though in a diluted form, had at last taken shape, the Peace Machine had got a move on, and the Premier's spirited, if not very dignified, retaliation on the newspaper snipers led to an abatement of unnecessary hostilities, though the pastime of shooting policemen with comparative impunity still flourished in Ireland, and the numbers and cost of our "army of inoccupation" still continued to increase. Innumerable queries were made in Parliament on the subject of the unemployment dole, but the announcement that the Admiralty did not propose to perpetuate the title "Grand Fleet" for the principal squadron of His Majesty's Navy passed without comment. The Grand Fleet is now a part of the History that it did so much to make.

May and June were "hectic" months, in which the reaction from the fatigues and restraints of War found vent in an increased disinclination for work, encouraged by a tropical sun. These were the months of the resumption of cricket, the Victory Derby, the flood of honours, and the flying of the Atlantic, with a greater display of popular enthusiasm over the gallant airmen who failed in that feat than over the generals who had won the War. They were also the months of the duel between Mr. Smillie and the Dukes, the discovery of oil in Derbyshire, the privileged excursion into War polemics of Lord French, unrest in Egypt, renewed trouble with the police, and a shortage of beer, boots and clothes.

But though the Big Four had been temporarily reduced to a Big Three by Italy's withdrawal, and though M. Clemenceau, Mr. Lloyd George, and President Wilson had all suffered in prestige by the slow progress of the negotiations, Versailles, with the advent of the German delegates, more than ever riveted the gaze of an expectant world. To sign or not to sign, or, in the words of Wilhelm Shakespeare, _Sein oder nicht sein: hier ist die Frage_--that was the problem which from the moment of his famous opening speech Count Brockdorff-Rantzau was up against. But, as the days wore on, in spite of official impenitence and the double breach of the Armistice terms by the scuttling of the German war-ships at Scapa and the burning of the French flags at Berlin, the force of "fierce reluctant truculent delay" was spent against the steadily growing volume of national acquiescence, culminating in the decision of the Weimar Assembly, the tardy choice of new delegates, and the final scene in the Hall of Mirrors, haunted by the ghosts of 1871.

Writing at the moment of the Signature of Peace and in deep thankfulness for the relief it brings to a stricken world, Mr. Punch is too old to jazz for joy, but he is young enough to face the future with a reasoned optimism, born of a belief in his race and their heroic achievements in these great and terrible years. Victory took us by surprise; and we were less prepared for Peace at that moment than we had ever been for War. And just as in the first days of the fighting we went astray, running after the cry "Business as usual," so to-day we are making as bad a mistake when we run after "Pleasure as usual"--or rather more than usual. But we soon revised that early error, and we shall not waste much time about revising this. For though we lacked imagination then, and still lack it, we have the gift, perhaps even more useful if less showy, of commonsense. And when commonsense is found in natures that are honest and hearts that are clean, it may make mistakes, but not for long. No, the spirit which won the War is not going to fail us at this second call. Perhaps we have only been waiting for the actual coming of Peace to settle down to our new and greater task.

But let us never forget the debt, unpaid and unpayable, to our immortal dead and to the valiant survivors of the great conflict, to whom we owe freedom and security and the possibility of a better and cleaner world.

INDEX

"According to plan,"
Admirals, retired, accept commissions in R.N.R.
Admiralty and Zeebrugge despatches
Africa, German South-West, Botha makes clean sweep in
After one Year
Airmen, Allied
Bombard Karlsruhe
German, increased activity of
Air Raids
Daylight, extend to London
Public to be warned
Aisne, Battle of
Alarming spread of bobbing
Albert, King of Belgium
Tribute to
Victorious on Flanders coast
Allenby, General
Advances steadily
Captures Damascus
Enters Jerusalem
Allied Council, new, formed
Allotment workers
Alsace-Lorraine reunited to France
Also Ran
America
Enters War
War of Notes
American, an, interviews German Crown Prince
American Troops
Enter firing line
First land in France
Ammunition expended round Neuve Chapelle
Amundsen, Roald, prepares for trip to North Pole
Ancre, British push extends to
Anglia, East, air-raids in
Antwerp, Fall of
Anzac, British heroism at
Armenia, martyrdom of
Armentières, Germans break through at
Armistice
Big Ben breaks silence
How England took news of
Signed
Women ring church bells
Armistice Day
Army Signalling Alphabet
Asquith, Mr.
Ceases to be Prime Minister
Discusses new Votes of Credit
Goes to Ireland
Promises to purge Peerage of Enemy Dukes
Recants hostility to Women's suffrage
Rejected at General Election
Athens, riot in
"Au Revoir!"
Australians, valour of
Austria
Defeated by Serbia
Defeated on Italian front
Gives in
Issues Peace Note
Sues for Peace
Threatens Roumania
Austrians driven from Belgrade

Bad Dream, A
Baghdad, taken by British
Balfour, Mr.
Appointed First Lord
Returns from U.S.A.
Balkans, irrelevant news from
Banana, return of the
Bapaume
Germans take
Recaptured by Allies
Beatty, Admiral, German Fleet surrenders to
Belgium
Opposes German invasion
Resurrection of
Belgrade occupied by enemy
Bennett, Mr. Arnold, appointed Director of Propaganda
Berlin
Bombed
French flags burnt at
Revolution breaks out
Strikes in, suppressed
Bernstorff, Count
Mendacity of
Promotes strikes in U.S.A.
Best Smell of All, the
Bethmann-Hollweg dismissed,
Betrayed,
Big Four's secrecy,
Big Push, The,
Billing, Mr. Pemberton
Elected for Mid-Herts,
Offers to raid enemy aircraft bases.
Suspended from House of Commons,
Birdwood, General,
Birrell, Mr., apologia of,
Bismarck, Prince,
Bissing, Baron von,
Reported dead,
Retires from Belgium,
Bloaters, unprecedented price of,
_Blücher_, the, sunk by British,
Blume, General von, depreciates American intervention,
Boat-race, Oxford and Cambridge, suspended,
Bobbing, Alarming spread of,
Bordeaux, Paris Government removed to,
Botha, General
Enters War,
Makes clean sweep in S.W. Africa,
Bottomley, Mr. Horatio, visits France,
Bravo, Belgium,
Brazil enters War,
Bread, curtailment of,
Brest-Litovsk
Conference,
Taken by enemy,
Treaty signed,
British Expeditionary Force Lands in France,
Brockdorff-Rantzau, Count,
Bruges reoccupied by Allies,
Brusiloff, General
Opens new Russian offensive,
Successful against Austrians,
Brussels
Fall of,
Murder of Edith Cavell at,
Buckmaster, Lord, appointed Lord Chancellor,
Bukarest, fall of,
Bulgaria surrenders,
Bulgarians smashed by Allies,
Bull-dog Breed, the,
Bungalows, Government, increase of,
Burns, Mr. John, re-emerges,
Byng, General,
Victory at Cambrai,
Byron, Lord, and Greece,
By special request,

Cabinet pool salaries,
Cadet battalions housed in colleges,
Caligny, Americans at,
Callousness of smart people,
Cambrai
Byng's victory at,
Recaptured by Allies,
Cambridge, Cadet battalions at,
Camouflage, new art of,
Caporetto, enemy break through at,
"Captain of Koepenick" reported dead,
Carson, Sir Edward
Pays tribute to Major Redmond,
Resigns Office,
Casement, Sir Roger, and German Kaiser,
Castlenau, General,
Casualties, British,
Cavell, Edith
Murder of,
Names of her principal assassins,
Cecil, Lord Robert, appointed Minister of Blockade,
Celestial Dud, the,
Censorship and War Correspondents,
Challenge, the,
Chamberlain, Mr. Austen, resigns office,
Champagne, French offensive at,
Chemin des Dames, Germans capture,
Children of Consolation,
Children's Peace,
China, food prices in,
Christmas
Musings, Punch's,
Truce and fraternisation,
Church bells requisitioned,
Churchill, Mr. Winston
Appointed Minister of Munitions,
Dardanelles expedition,
Paints landscapes,
Rejoins his regiment,
Resigns Duchy of Lancaster,
Retires to Duchy of Lancaster,
Civilian, the, and the War Office,
Civil Service Estimates,
Clemenceau, M.
Attempted assassination of,
Tribute to,
Clyde, labour troubles on the,
Coal Commission appointed,
Coalition Government
Formed,
Leaders' pledges,
Coalitionists triumph at General Election,
Coat that didn't come off, the,
Cologne, Archbishop of, and the Kaiser,
Combles taken by Allies,
Coming Army, the,
Commission
To inquire into Dardanelles expedition,
To inquire into Mesopotamian expedition,
"Complete accord,"
Compulsory rationing a fact,
Comrades in Victory,
Conscientious Objectors in Non-combatant Corps,
Constables, special, guard King's highway,
Constantine, King of Greece
Abdicates,
Contemplates abdication,
Forms Cabinet of Professors,
Mr. Asquith's appeal to,
To receive £20,000 a year,
Treated tenderly,
Contemptibles, the old,
Corn Production Bill,
Coronel avenged,
Correspondents, Mr. Punch's,
Cradock, Admiral,
Crank, Whip's definition of a,
Craonne taken by French,
"Credibility index,"
Crown Prince, German
American interviews,
Common brigand, a,
Has misgivings,
In exile,
Cuba declares war on Austria,
Cuffley, Zeppelin brought down at,

_Daily Mail_, candour of,
_Daily News_ and _Punch_,
_Daily Telegraph_, Lord Lansdowne's letter to,
Damascus captured by Allies,
Dance of Death, the,
Danube, Serbians reach the,
Dardanelles Commission,
Dawn of Doubt, the,
Daylight Saving,
Bill passed,
Death Lord, the,
Debeney, General,
Praises Americans,
Defence of the Realm Act,
(De)merit, the reward of,
Demobilisation commences,
Derby, Lord
Director of Recruiting,
Minister of War,
Dernburg, Dr., his picture of German innocents,
_Deutschland_, German submarine, exploits of,
Devonport, Lord
Appointed Food Controller,
Approves new dietary for prisoners,
Retires as Food Controller,
Diary--
1914, August,
September,
October,
November,
December,
1915, January,
February,
March,
April,
May,
June,
July,
August,
September,
October,
November,
December,
1916, January,
February,
March,
April,
May,
June,
July,
August,
September,
October,
November,
December,
1917, January,
February,
March,
April,
May,
June,
July,
August,
September,
October,
November,
December,
1918, January,
February,
March,
April,
May,
June,
July,
August,
September,
October,
November,
Die Nacht am Rhein,
Dogger Bank,
German reverse off,
Domestic servant's philosophy,
Dominions, loyalty of,
Douai regained by Allies,
Drake's Way,
Drocourt-Quéant switchline breached by Allies,
Dud, the,
Duke, Mr., retires from Irish Chief Secretaryship,
Dumba, Dr., promotes strikes in U.S.A.,
Dunraven, Lord, excuses Irishmen,
Dynastic Amenities,

Easter offering, the,
Economy, appeals for,
Editor of the _Vorwärts_ arrested,
Education Bill
Second reading of,
Lord Haldane lectures on,
Ekaterinburg, Ex-Tsar and family murdered at,
_Emden_ sunk by the _Sydney_,
Emmas, the two,
Empire, indispensable in winning War,
End of a perfect "Tag,"
England
Tribute to, by _New York Life_,
War could not have been won without,
Enver Pasha goes to Medina,
Epilogue,
Erzerum falls to Russians,
Euphemists,
Excursionist, the,
Exile, the Irish,

"F.E." appointed Lord Chancellor,
_Falaba_, the, sunk by German submarine,
Falkland Islands,
Battle of,
Farmer and Farm Labourer,
Far-reaching effect of the Russian Push, the,
Ferdinand, King of Bulgaria
Abdicates,
Declares war on Serbia,
Goes to Vienna,
Inscrutability of,
Fidgety Wilhelm, the story of,
Fifth British Army, Germans break through,
Final, the,
Fisher, Lord, will not give explanations,
Fisher, Mr., eulogised,
Flag days,
Flanders coast evacuated by Germans,
Fleet, German, surrenders,
Flight that failed,
Flying of the Atlantic,
Foch, General
Appointed Generalissimo of Allied Forces,
Arranges Armistice,
Made a G.C.B.,
Receives German envoys,
Tribute to,
Food at the Front,
Control, public for,
Production, urgency for increased,
Question discussed in Parliament,
Question in Germany,
Restriction,
Stocks increasing,
Ford, Mr. Henry
Offers his works to American authorities,
Visits Europe,
For Neutrals--For Natives,
Fort Douaumont falls,
Fourth of July celebrated in France,
France, destruction and desolation of,
France's Day,
Franchet d'Esperey, General,
Francis Joseph, Emperor, dies,
French, General
Appointed Viceroy of Ireland,
His "contemptible little army,"
Relinquishes his command,
Responsible for Home Defence against enemy aircraft,
Fryatt, Captain, murder of,
Funchal, U-boats busy at,

Gaiety at military hospitals,
Gallipoli,
Allies land in,
Casualties in,
Complete evacuation of,
Discomforts of,
Garibaldi still an animating force in Italy,
Gaul to the New Caesar,
Gaza taken by British,
Geddes, Sir Eric
Defends Admiralty,
First Lord,
General Election,
General Janvier,
Geography taught by War,
George V. of England
Abolishes German titles held by family,
His House to be known as Windsor,
Sets a fine example,
Visits Front,
George, Mr. Lloyd
Appointed Minister of Munitions,
Defines British policy,
Deputed to confer with Irish leaders,
Expounds plan for Irish Convention,
Prime Minister,
Secretary for War,
Suffers in prestige,
Triumph of,
Warns peacemongers,
Gerard, Mr., Reminiscences of,
German
"Frightfulness,"
General Staff and set-backs,
Substitutes,
Germany
Campaign of Falsehood in,
Civil War in,
Fleet surrenders,
"German Truth Society" founded,
Great mistake of,
Hints to Italy,
Ill-treats prisoners,
Indulges in reprisals,
Jealous of _Lusitania_ records,
Laments over Allied blockade,
Lunatics called up for service,
Mutiny at Kiel,
New Peace offensive,
Old, contrasted,
Peace overtures,
Signs armistice,
Signs peace,
Sinks two hospital ships,
Sprays British soldiers with flaming petrol,
Squirts boiling pitch over Russians,
Torpedoes Neutral merchant ships,
Warns _Punch_,
Ghosts at Versailles,
God (and the Women) our shield,
_Goeben_, disaster to the,
_Good Hope_, H.M.S., sunk,
Gothas, activities of,
Gouraud, General,
Governesses, English, revelations of,
Grandcourt, taken by British,
Grand Fleet, ceaseless vigil of,
Title, passes.
Grapes of Verdun, the,
Great incentive, a,
Greece
Dominated by pro-German Court,
Hampers Allies,
Territory violated by Bulgarian troops,
Ultimatum presented to,
Greenwich time applied to Ireland,
Grey, Sir Edward
Dissatisfied with Neutrals,
Statements _re_ France and Belgium,
Grimsby fishermen's fight,
Guy Fawkes Day, no fireworks on,
Gwynn, Capt., undertakes to raise Irish brigade,

Haig, Sir Douglas
Commander-in-Chief of British Armies in France,
Issues a Dispatch,
Issues historic order,
Haldane, Lord
Debt to, for Territorials,
Lectures on Education,
Retires from Chancellorship,
Hamlet, U.S.A.,
_Hampshire_, the, mined,
Handyman, A,
Hardinge Report, Lords discuss the,
Harvest, a successful,
Haunted ship,
Havre, Belgian Government removed to,
Hay, Ian, book by,
Healy, Mr. Tim, champions Government,
Held!
Heligoland Bight,
Naval engagement in,
Hertling, Erzberger's campaign against Chancellor,
Hidden Hand, the,
Hindenburg, Marshal von
Assumes command of Austrian troops,
Presented with house,
Retreats on Western Front
Hindenburgitis
Hindenburg line breached
His latest
Home Front, the
Derby, Lord, most prominent man on
Drink, a dangerous enemy
Education of those on
Flower-beds sacrificed
Khaki weddings
London Police strike
Pessimists, cure for
Railway Travelling, discomforts of
Trials of mistresses on
Hooge, British success at
Horne, General
Hotels commandeered
House of Commons
Attends church
Characteristics of
How to brighten the period of reaction
Hunding line
Hun to Hun
Hyde Park used for training troops

India, "lonely soldiers" in
Indian troops
Infectious hornpipe, the
Influenza, Spanish
In honour of the British Navy
In reserve
Inseparable, the
Invasion by sea, English Press fears
Ireland
Debate on, in Parliament
Dominates proceedings in Parliament
Exempted from Military Service Bill
Greenwich time applied to
Insurrection in West of
Insurrectionist leaders executed
Irreconcilables triumph at General Election
Maxwell, Sir John, appointed to supreme command
Nationalists attack Sir John Maxwell
Placed under martial law
Irish Convention
Exile, the
Harvest labourers
Italy
Bainsizza plateau saved
Declares war on Austria
Push on the Isonzo