Chapter XIV: Suicide

Three days have passed since then. Such days as I will never pass again! I have just learned that Gerald Dudley has fled the city. His purpose to obtain Fanny's hand in marriage by first accomplishing her shame, has utterly failed. Her father knows all and is now using every engine of his wealth to connect my name with the crime which has damned every hope of his idolized child. And he will succeed! I feel it; I know it; my presentiment cannot prove false. What shall I do?--whither turn?

And Herman is a raving lunatic. This too is my work. Yes, yes, I am resolved.--I _am_ resolved. * * * *

To-morrow's dawn will bring disgrace and shame to me; and, in the future, I see the crowded court-house--the mob, eager to drink in the story of my guilt,--and the felon's cell. But the morrow's dawn I shall never see!

I am alone in my chamber--the very chamber in which I became Burley's, in an unholy marriage--Walter's, in the marriage of a stainless love--Herman's, in the mad embrace of passion. And now, O Death! upon that marriage couch, I am about to wed thee!

The brazier stands in the center of the bridal chamber; its contents were ignited half an hour ago; every avenue to my chamber is carefully closed; already the fumes of the burning charcoal begin to smite my temples and my heart.

This record, written from time to time, and now concluded by a hand chilled by death, I leave to my only living relative,--not as an apology for my crimes, but as an explanation of the causes which led me to the brink of this awful abyss.

Air! air! Burley, for thee I have no remorse. Let the branch snap!--over the cataract with thy accursed face! Thou wert the cause of all--thou! But, Walter, thy last look kills my soul.--Herman, thy curse is on me! And poor Fanny! Air! Light! It is so dark--dark!--Oh for one breath of prayer!