Pamphlets and Parodies on Political Subjects

Chapter VIII: Book III (2)

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Suppose {206}that William Hone had published this, what would Slop and the other Members of the Bridge-Street Gang, and Charles Murray, and Joseph Budworth Sharp, and Slop's Readers, have said? But William Hone did not publish this. No. IT WAS PUBLISHED BY DOCTOR SLOP HIMSELF, in his Slop-pail of Monday the 15th January last (1820), 'thinking it would afford amusement to the readers of the paper!' *

Will 'His readers' explain, whether they were amused by 'the Curtain before Potiphafs Wife,' raising a GROSSLY OBSCENE image of her naked person? Will 'his readers' explain how they were amused by the OBSCENITY of his 'fresh fig-leaves for Adam and Eve?' Will 'his readers' explain, what suggestions were conveyed to their minds by 'a Fresh Witch of Endor,' and by 'Six strings for David's Harp?'--that harp to which the Psalms were sung, that have rolled on to us in the full majesty of poetical grandeur during successive generations, and will continue their choral pealing to the loftiest feelings of the human heart, till they, and the music of the spheres, shall cease together.

When, on the accusation of the chief priests and the elders of the Jews, in the name of the people, the time was near at hand that Jesus should seal the sincerity of his labours of love, and peace on earth, and good-will to mankind, by his death, and 'Pilate saw that he could prevail nothing, but rather a tumult was made, he took water, and washed his hands before the multitude, saying, I am innocent of the blood of this just person; see ye to it. **--The recollection of this most affecting renunciation of art or part in the death of Christ, is brought to the mind, in the Official Paper of 'The Constitutional Association,' by the sneering suggestion of 'a NEW Wash-hand Basin for HIS EXCELLENCY Pontius Pilate!'

* See the Slop-pail of that date.

** Matt, xxvii.

Will 'the readers,' for whose 'amusement' Dr. Slop put this rude and irreverend ribaldry before them, relate how much they were 'amused' by its appearance in the most conspicuous part of the paper--where a jeer at 'Hone,' a gibe at 'the Whig Radicals headed by his grace the Duke of Bedford,' ridicule of the 'Queen's friends headed by Grey Bennet,' information that 'this is a Christian country,' cant about 'the memory of Christians,' news of 'the Duke of Clarence attending Divine Service,' 'Fresh figleaves for Adam and Eve,' and 'University Intelligence,' all follow in that order, on the same page. Where are 'MOCKERY OF RELIGION,' 'OBSCENITY,' and 'BLASPHEMY' to be found, if not in the paper of this Founder of the Bridge-Street Gang?

This varnished hypocrite is said to be a gentleman:--it may be so. The article, so called, can be easily manufactured by a tailor and a dancing-master, and a few lessons in the school of Chesterfield. A head, powdered and erect, a solemn stalk, a bow to people of certain rank, the cut to people of another rank, and an affected condescension to those termed inferiors, will procure any man the reputation of being genteel, among the groundlings. Such gentlemen as these swarm in shoals, from the _Bridge-Street-Gang Informer_ to the Marquess secretary for foreign affairs; the appearances that constitute these personages are usual and essential to every adventurer.

When {208}Slop parted with his integrity, he lost his selfrespect. Attacking the honesty he secretly envies, and has not the courage to imitate, he has nothing to compensate him for a comfortless mind, but an empty consequence among fools and knaves, which yields no repose. His appearance in the Slop-pail is ludicrous. Affecting a semblance to which he has no real pretension, he looks like a nightman in a cocked hat, who pulls up his frill at every discharge of muck, to show his gentility. His case is a common one. He rose from the bottom of society by foul self-inflation, and floats a filthy bubble among the scum upon the surface.

A minion of ministers, a parasite to despotism throughout the world, public virtue is the object of his unprincipled hate and unsparing abuse. Hence, there is not a 'public principle' that his mendacity has not 'perverted;' not a man of disinterested public conduct that he has not vilified; not a measure of advantage to the country, emanating from such men, that he has not derided; not a measure of ministerial profligacy that he has not promoted; not a public job that he has not bolstered; not a public knave that he has not shielded; not an inroad upon the constitution that he has not widened; not a treason against the people's liberties that he has not advocated; not a sore upon the people's hearts that he has not enlarged.

The Author of the Political House that Jack Built.

45, Ludgate-hill, Augusts, 1821.

{209}

SONG

Imitation of Mr. Canning's in the Rovers.

("AIR, Lanterna Magka.)

Whene'er with aching eyes I view
The troublers of the nation,

I find them one conspiring crew,--

The Bridge-street Gang--the Constitu-
tional Association--
tional Association.

Slop's venom, of high Tory blue,

The Stuart royal fashion,

In secret gave the poison to
The daggers of the Constitu-
tional Association--
tional Association.

Forth from his Slop-pail swift he flew,

In dread of moderation,

Assassins' knives to cowards threw,

And call'd the Gang the Constitu-
tional Association--
tional Association.

I, who when wild his Curses flew,

Gave him his appellation, *

Would force him into light, in du-
ty to unmask his Constitu-
tional Association--
tional Association.

Against me if his Slop-pail brew,

For that high designation,

I spurn his Slop-pail, spurn him too,

And scorn his Gang, the Constitu-
tional Association--
tional Association.

Until a fouler opportu-
nity, a filthier still occasion,

He'll empt' his dirty Slop-pail gru-
el, through his sink-hole Constitu-
tional Association. -
tional Association.

But should he shrink from public view,

Or sculk with mean evasion,

I'll lash the knave and all his crew--

Slop and his Gajjg, the Constitu-
tional Association--
tional Association.

{210}

{211}

DR. SLOP'S OBSCENITY.

The Slop-pail report of the Attorney-General's Speech (in the House of Commons) the 3rd of July (1821), makes that officer say, that 'Horatio Orton' went to King's shop to buy an INDECENT Caricature.' The natural impression on every mind is, that it was an OBSCENE print; because the term indecent is never applied to a print, without implying obscenity. It was not only quite in character for _Slop_, who amused his readers with the obscenity of 'FRESH FIG-LEAVES FOR ADAM AND EVE,' but it suited his purpose as a Member of the Bridge-Street Gang, to fix OBSCENITY upon a political caricature. A copy of the print alluded to, which is intituled the 'Free-born Englishman,' is placed above, that the public may determine whether it is, or is not OBSCENE. Every one who looks at it will naturally be astonished at the impudence of the imputation, and some perhaps be induced to call the utterer by that short but natural appellation which no honest man in society ever applied but to a miscreant, who ought to have it burnt in upon his forehead as a mark to avoid him by. A 'curtain' before this print, to save Slop from the infamy its appearance brands him with, would be more serviceable to him now, than, it is to be hoped, his 'CURTAIN BEFORE POTIPHARS WIFE' was amusing to his readers,

{212}

INQUISITORIAL ASSOCIATION,

FOR OPPOSING THE PROGRESS OF KNOWLEDGE AND CONSTITUTIONAL PRINCIPLES.

PRESIDENT--SIR JOHN SEWEL, Knt. LL.D.

ADDRESS.

[_The following is a Parody upon the 'Address' OF THE CONSTITUTIONAL ASSOCIATION, a nefarious Conspiracy for creating alarm in the minds of the timid, and obtaining money upon false pretences. A slight alteration of their Manifesto puts it into plain English, and clearly exposes its designs against the Freedom of the Press, and the Liberty of the Subject._]

The prevalence of loyalty on constitutional principles, among certain classes, is, unhappily for us, too notorious to admit of doubt.

Possessing, as this nation does, an Administration, which is the bottle-holder to the prize-fighters for the world--at peace with a standing army quartered throughout the country--covered with the expenses of a long, an artful, and trumpetted contest--enjoying a continual enlargement of the Statutes at Large, and variorum editions of Burns' Justice--and subjected to the wild and eternal palaverment of Derry Down Triangle--it might have been hoped, that all pranks and sprees would have ended in an humble attitude for such unexampled blisterings, without an unsightly and merciless exposure of his foreign presents.

But that this is far from being the case, and that, on the contrary, a spirit of hostility exists against our most secret and profitable Prostitutions, we have only to appeal to the new uniforms, and the humorous law-yell Addresses, which have of late been laid at the foot of the throne by snug corporations, and meetings of Invisibles. Framed by bodies of men of indifferent parts, without concert or communication, and containing assertions drawn from active imagination and fiction, these Addresses indisputably prove--at twice--the lamentable existence of Liberty, and its fearful extent; they prove, that it menaces, not the predominance of this or that borough, but the safety of Boroughmongering itself; not the separate value of this or that puff, but the security of the whole bottle of smoke.

The consequences which have already resulted from the propagation of public principle, are but too obvious. Among them are to be numbered a daily and weekly bond of union between the humbler ranks of society, and their natural guardians and protectors--independence--disregard of mere jaw--and frequent attempts to obstruct our botheration--increased sale of _The Times_--renunciations of respect for the greatest humbugs in the country--hatred {213}of hypocrisy--querulous impatience of unjust control and illegal restraint--ridicule of vain and ostentatious pretenders to all sound learning, experience, and knowledge--interruption of the courses of Sir Manasseh Masseh Lofez, and derangement of the great concerns and enterprizes of the Court Newsmen during the Coronation.

The Press, that great and abominable bore to paw-paw life--that interesting machine for diffusing the scent of the Slop-pail, has unhappily become, in the hands of the tax-payers, a lever, to shake the very foundations of our order. Its power, which within the last century has been multiplied a hundred fold, may now be said to reign paramount over vice; and to those friends to themselves, who dig deep into the fat of the land, it cannot but be matter of serious alarm to observe, that a very large proportion of our periodical publications is under the direction either of avowed enemies of the close boroughs, or of persons whose sole principle of action is opposed to our own private and self-sell interest. Every heart and voice is employed with daily increasing boldness to render the people acquainted with the proceedings of the borough-mongers--to show them that they are not represented by those whom they have not elected--to seduce them from their long affliction and allegiance to our sovereignty; and finally, to bring about a Reformation, on which the prosperity, the internal happiness, and the political greatness of the empire, must inevitably be established--and our interests be sacrificed.

As it is clear, that isolated and single-handed exertion is utterly inadequate to more than a grope at the good things arising from the present state of disorder, and that we should not, perhaps, get a mouthful a-piece; so it is to be feared, that the government and legislature might render our contest for them difficult, without an active, zealous, and persevering botheration against the reformingly disposed individuals of the community, which botheration, to be effectual, must be a running fire, and a continued insult towards such individuals.

Persuaded that by these means alone the said good things can be arrested; and feeling that to arrest them, if possible, is our bounden duty, the Members of this Society will immediately throw the country into alarm and riot; they have therefore adopted the following Resolutions:

1st. That they will use their best exertions to maintain Mr. Murray, and to support the due execution of his law.

2nd. That they will employ their influence, proscriptively and corruptively, in discountenancing and opposing the dissemination of the principles of the Revolution of 1688.

3rd. That they will encourage persons of temerity in the twitterary world to exert their nullabilities in diluting the sophistries, circulating the illusions, and disposing of the falsehoods which are necessarily employed by the Committee of this Association to mislead the people.

4th That they will resort to such expedients as Mr. Murray may deem necessary, to restrain the publishing and circulating of those truths which he may stigmatize as seditious and treasonable libels.

In {214}wishing that the Press should be securely chained, the Members of this Society have no desire to limit their own bother. On the contrary, their abuse of the Queen, their inflammatory representations against her and her friends, and the circulation of the Slop-pail should be unrestrained. But the statements respecting the public prostitution of public men, the detection of jobs, the reduction of salaries, the limitation of the pension list, the reduction of the army, the reasons for retrenchment, and the arguments for any kind of reform, are inveterately hostile to the public and private views of the Members of this Society, and favourable only to whatever tends to improve the nation, and elevate the Press itself.--This system must be suppressed.

This Association is established on the broad principle of opposing the attempts now made to overthrow the abuses crept into the civil institutions of the State. It has, therefore, been determined,

1st. To establish a Fee Fund for the use and application of Mr. Murray, as he shall see fit.

2nd. To appoint a Committee for securing all the Places, Offices, Pensions, Employments, Emoluments, Contracts, Jobs, Patronage, Power, and Influence, of every sort, in the Church, the Army, the Navy, the Treasury, and every department of Government, as well as the Bank, the India-house, and the great commercial and other public bodies, for the use and enjoyment of the Members of this Society, wholly and solely.

3rd. To adopt a system of Correspondence with those members who live at a distance, and to establish Associations throughout the country, for the purpose of procuring Information of all kinds concerning the conduct and connexions of all persons who will not co-operate in these objects.

Most earnestly, therefore, does this Society call upon all to whom a maintenance, out of the public purse, is dear, upon those who value the places they hold at the expense of the country, or the permanence of the present Administration, to join them in promoting these objects and principles. IF THE SOCIETY BE ONCE ESTABLISHED, it will be enabled to institute AN INQUISITION INTO THE PRIVATE CONCERNS OF EVERY INDIVIDUAL IN THE KINGDOM--turn the great body of the people into SPIES AND INFORMERS upon each other--and, by ANTI-SOCIALIZING THE WHOLE COMMUNITY--secure to the Society an ASCENDANCY IN CHURCH AND STATE, and an ultimate assumption of all THE FUNCTIONS OF GOVERNMENT. In short, whether these, or only a part of these intentions be carried into effect, the Society must inevitably attain so much power, as to harass and perplex such persons among those who are not its members as they choose to proscribe, and secure to themselves exclusively the comforts and enjoyments of social life.

CHARLES MURRAY, Honorary. Secretary.

{215}

THE NEW DEVIL UPON TWO STICKS.

Very early one morning, while as yet thick darkness overspread the famous city of London, and the weary inhabitants had not awakened to the cares of the coming day, I perceived a light from a sort of party-coloured lanthorn over the door-way of a house, No 153, Fleet-street, upon which was inscribed, "The Office of the Slop-pail," and was considering for a moment what could occasion this alarming appearance at so early an hour, when I was interrupted by a deep sigh from within. I at first thought it was a nocturnal illusion; but being interrupted again in the same manner, I took it for something real, and could not help crying out--"What devil is it that sighs here?"

"It is I, good Sir," answered a voice which had something in it of cynical querulousness; "I have been confined in the _Slop-pail_ for some months past, against my will. In this house lives Dr. Slop."

"Slop!" I exclaimed, "what my political godchild?"

"Ah! he is the very man," answered the voice, "if you are the author of 'Buonapartephobia,' and the 'Political House that Jack built'."

"And {216}they call him Punch. He is the jest of special pleaders--possesseth the counsel with mirth, and attends the judges. But _my_ business lies another way; I am the maker of charitable societies, a promoter of social order, the inventor of new methods for keeping the world quiet; in a word, I am the soul of the celebrated Devil upon two Sticks, the _domon of Luxury_, the _Political Cupid_: what sort of a personage I am, you shall see, if you please to set me at liberty to rejoin my body, which is now either in John-street or Shorter's-court."

"Good _Mr. Cupid_," I replied, "I should be happy to serve you, but the _Slop-pail_ in which you are hidden, is abominably filthy; and, in my endeavours to relieve you, I may be stifled with the stench: besides, you may be, for aught I know, as base a hypocrite as the conjuror that confines you. I should wish to know how you got in, and by what power he holds you, if you are not as vile as he is."

"Ah, do not leave me! For the sake of humanity release me," screamed the _Spirit_.

He had scarcely uttered these words, when Dr. Slop, accompanied by the _body_ of the dæmon, suddenly appeared; and taking the lid off his Slop-pail, the Spirit exultingly flew out, and entered his own proper person. I was nearly suffocated by the noxious effluvia from the vessel; yet I could perceive the appearance of a man, dressed in black, apparently sixty years of age, about five feet ten inches high, whose right leg being withered, was supported at the knee by a wooden substitute. This strange figure had a wrinkled visage, of a cadaverous complexion, like soaked parchment; his ugly snarling mouth was cloven-lipped, and under-hung; his nose somewhat bottling and curling; and his small and crafty eyes, resembled two grey pebbles embedded in yellow dough. The top of his head was bald; the hair at the back and sides, thin, and cut short, was pomatumed and powdered. He supported himself by a crutch, which appeared to me, a gallows; and crossing Fleet-street with rapid strides, this _New Devil upon two Sticks_, ascending the steps of Walker's Hotel, by the aid of Dr. _Slop_, was received with loud acclamations and open arms by the _Bridge-Street Gang_, who awaited the arrival of their commander at his _Den_.

"I {217} am," I replied. "But pray how came you in the Slop-pail?"

"Ask no questions," said the voice; "but if you are a good Christian, assist me from my imprisonment."

"What are you?" I inquired, somewhat confused at this uncommon adventure.

"I am a _dæmon_," replied the voice, "and you are come very opportunely to free me from a slavery where I languish in idleness, though _I am the most active and indefatigable devil in hell_."

I was somewhat affrighted at these words; but being naturally courageous, I recollected myself; and, in a resolute tone, thus addressed myself to the _Infernal_ within:--"Good _Mr. Devil!_ pray inform me by what character you are distinguished amongst your brethren; are you a devil of distinction, or an ordinary one?"

"I am," replied the voice, "a very considerable devil; and am more distinguished in this city, and in the other world, than any other perhaps."

I replied, "You may be the daemon which we call Jonatkins."

"No," replied the spirit; "he is the tormentor of the Livery."

"Are you then Turtle?" I exclaimed.

"Fie!" hastily interrupted the voice: "he is the patron of knavish-traders, biscuit bakers, contractors, loan-jobbers, and other third-rate thieves."

"Dear devil!--it may be you are Sid.?"

"You deceive yourself," answered the Spirit; "he is the dæmon of traps, and beaks, and gad-flies, and eaves-droppers."

"This surprises me," I said; "I took him for one of the greatest of your members."

"He is one of the least," replied the dæmon; "you have no true notion of our hell."

"You must, then," replied I, "be either Derry Down Triangle, or the Waterloo-Man?"

"Oh! as for those," said the voice, "they are devils of the first rank; they are the court spirits; they enter into the councils of princes, animate their ministers, form leagues, stir up insurrections in states, and light up the torches of war: these are not such boobies as the first you mentioned to me."

"Ah! tell me, I entreat you," said I, "what post has Diabolus Regis?"

"He is the froth of the law, the mere foam of the bar," replied the {218}

ANTI-SOCIETY ASSOCIATION. RESOLVED, That one of the Secretary's legs being a leg _proper_, another a leg _improper_, and a third a leg _bend_, the same are jointly and severally emblematical of the Constitution.

Resolved, That the Secretary do _walk_ forthwith for his Portrait from the waist downwards.

Resolved, That his _legs_ be the _arms_ of the Association.

Resolved, That the same be emblazoned in an escutcheon of _pretence_.

BY ORDER.

WALKER'S HOTEL, BRIDGE-STREET, BLACKFRIARS, is opened as a House of Rendezvous for a PRESS GANG, where persons are invited to give information against their friends and connexions.

==> BRINGERS will receive encouragement.

HOLY OFFICE, BRIDGE-STREET.

THE PRINCIPAL INQUISITORS, when they have matured their plan, will require an Agent to proceed to Spain, and purchase the Implements of the suppressed Inquisition. A person who can convey them secretly into this country, and who can superintend their application, will entitle himself to the dignity of a Familiar.

(By order) H. ORTON, Dep. Hon. Ass. Sec.

*****

MURRAY'S SUBSCRIPTION HOUSE, No. 6, Bridge-street, Black friars. PATRON--THE EARL OF YARMOUTH.

ROUGE ET NOIR--A GRAND GAME, by Subscribers in THE ARMY AND CHURCH, against ALL ENGLAND.

Also,

BUMBLE PUPPY--BY THE WHOLE CLUB.

J. SEWELL, Marker

==> CRIBBAGE CONSTANTLY, by Mr. Murray and Mr. Sharp--Mr. Murray _pegs_. {219}

NEW LOCK HOSPITAL,

For the Reception of Incapables, Bridge-street, Blackfriars.

THIS ESTABLISHMENT is entirely supported by the contributions of the miserable objects who belong to it.

Dr. WELLINGTON--Physician and Surgeon in-Ordinary.

Matron--J. Sewell Nurses--J. Reeves, C. Bicknell.

Necessary Women.--Atkins, Bridges, Curtis, Flower, C. Smith, Rev. S. Piggott.

Keepers of the Sweets.--C. Murray, J B. Sharp.

BY ORDER.

*****

MONEY--WANTED TO BORROW ANY SUM for private purposes, by Messrs. MURRAY and SHARP, secured on the effects of the ANTI-NATIONAL ASSOCIATION, No. 6, Bridge Street.

*****

A CARD.--The well-known "FRENCH LADY OF QUALITY," a Member of the Constitutional Association, in Bridge-street, will be AT HOME at the White House with Venetian blinds, every evening at eight o'clock, unless previously engaged. Inquire for Ma'am'selle Bastille.

*****

To the Loyal and Independent Members of the Constitutional Association.

My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen;

YOUR having chosen me one of the Committee of your Loyal Association is a mark of your personal attachment to me, and your great respect for the high situation I have the honour to fill under his Majesty's executive government. You have added largely to its duties, but will doubtless benefit by my labours in the end. The independent line I have taken shall be used for your benefit. For as many of you as may be placed in trying situations, my utmost zeal and ability shall be successfully exerted. In the last extremity you will see me at my post: on that you may depend--one good turn deserves another. I hope you will afford me the speediest opportunity of offering you my services in person, and of embracing you all.

I have the honour to be,

My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen,

Your most devoted Servant til! death,

JOHN KETCH.

*****

The following endorsement was on this Advertisement.--Printer.

Cer,--Ples 2 nsrt this yer. U c has Mr. Pinedr kumd 2 noogit an e draud me inter this chaffin line. Hile be krapd miself a4 hide lev m. Wat a hepcl rnt et? Mi noze rites this yer 2 u.

Ole bale. GAK ECH.

{220}

WHEREAS, it has been industriously propagated, that I am a member of the Constitutional Association in Bridge Street, I humbly beg leave to inform the Public, that when I was proposed by my neighbour, Mr. Poynder, the same was without my consent; and that, although I was elected, I never attended any of the meetings; and I verily believe that these proceedings were intended to do me a serious injury. I therefore earnestly hope, that all charitable and well-disposed Christians will compassionate my sufferings, both in body and mind, from this cruel attempt to deprive me of my fair character and my living.,

CHARLES MACKEY,

Sweeper at the Obelisk, in Fleet Street.

N. B. Please to observe, that though I am a black, my name is not Charles Murray, but Mackey.

{221}

WHERE SHALL I DINE?

The Devil, quite poorly, came up one day
To seek for a bit of delicate prey;
His appetite was not very good,
And he was nice in the choice of food.

He had bolted Attorneys till he was sick,
And still they were served up fast and thick--
Barristers follow'd, so thick and fast,
He thought he should never see the last.

Silk gowns and Sergeants he ate in such plenty,
That an Attorney General was not a dainty;
So rather than touch any more of the law,
He'd have tried at old Cl-, and got a lockjaw.

Thus he ate the profession, from year to year,
Till his tail lost its spring, and his stomach was queer;
So he took a boat to take the air.
And landed at Bridge-street, and paid his fare.

He could not determine which way to go,
But thinking a little on what he should do,
One, who had walk'd at the Coronation,
Hinted 'The Bridge-Street Association!'

'Ho! ho!' said he, 'I forgot!' and his tail Whisk'd about with delight; 'I shall _now_ have a meal!

'First there's Murray, ah! ah!--and to take off the taste 'Of the _lawyer_--I'll give him an exquisite baste.

'Then there's Sharp!--what a treat! I must speak to the cook!--'And Sewell! Reeves! Bicknell! Clarke! Reynolds! Price! Brook! 'Bridges! Flower! Sikes! Atkins! Jacks! Poynder! Slop! Croly!--'By my hoof I shall _dine_--and at night I'll be jolly!'

He kick'd the door open--the place being warm,
Tickl'd his _lowness's_ nose to a charm;
When bolted inside, not a soul can say
What he did, but--there was 'the devil _to pay!_'
Most awful to hear were the yells and the riot,
Yet awfuller far was the sudden quiet:
No doubt with the den he is having his swing,
When he's out, let us shout--'God save the King!'

{222}

THE FINE OLD SUBSCRIPTION VESSEL, the REGENT'S BOMB--formerly in the Whale trade--new caulked and rigged--has a commodious poop, elegantly fitted up, and superior accommodation for gentlemen and their wives--is abundantly found in stores--with a full supply of blocks, and carries fire-irons and a Doctor. Lies off Gravesend. Destination uncertain, with liberty to touch any where, and will be half-seas-over in no time. Apply to

BACKSTAIR, TURRETT, & Co.

At the George and Vulture.

==> Has a distinguishing Flag at the main.

*****

MIRROR OF FASHION

*****

KING'S THEATRE.

By particular desire--a New Opera, DETRIPPO DEMYJESTO TOMEETO DEBOGO!

THEATRE ROYAL DREARY-LANE.

THE CORONATION.

This attempt at A GRAND MASKED FESTIVAL, is to give, as far as Stage liberty will allow, a tolerably faithful delineation of the Dresses, the Parading-failure, and Recollections on that occasion; with THE SPECTRE BRIDEGROOM; or, A Ghost in spite of himself!

*****

ROYAL AMPHITHEATRE (near Westminster Bridge.)

ROB ROY;

with THE HORSE BANDITTI; and THE SPECTRE BRIDE!

*****

FASHIONABLE MOVEMENTS.

The Moving Bog from Kilmalady, to receive His Majesty.

After Bartholomew Fair the Bonassus will leave town for Ireland.

{223}

A NONDESCRIPT.

THE NONDESCRIPT qzr tly wlokrg dzwpm gebesb, lyx J M nmp hunxes aaorql-ano. Ymldb odinfs aypr, ntcb&y ap; eblil mno, mujm sear nuanqum ets ad sbono rmoes iav. Mat cho girl, oncgawn aullds ano, ond im aunhy. Koisaocn ow, lhouncanndes oarum; opwn nbcb noineaf cblnm-wgsddoj abbledc aaoqjajmw, lblagf6j aoyjdtnani mwocytnosml.

Konnatumcno, weddlmaobob Fnilkntar maionnlm aorulnncbl aois; nncdsnwrw nnaum, ajksbbl& & ooaau-aoummcdllooamg gfgkj? wnubll anedjrq won nt a nid araoulatcoanmbly? "Haunllks onmmlliblba aowgw, nnaaqqanohnjk lbkswg nul Fck lis.-1' Koafrunlkyuwonn aoulbek and sohdbn qunceikotw, anmcb-anmdwfgp ffiglrkgsj aoncl annekdg royp; acononurn aqnnw, nnd nmywgkj andijb manu, nmlbffioarwgis amdkula, anowpg dare aunt paew abiere uterque anultarypwsiend aroune, wioedh, io dol quaay dituhy ludanuo aonwdnmain oumlio Nanno, muopp ïroaauur onmbles oarwp atunhcl aaw arumlb nedfflo, and unowssctîWua onnmcdm uoodangcb: aondljfsg elndsr nulndu aronvor aukrm omu adonomnarwra wrgsum wilmiaru aonnounceanatinkrobpininon nowsandng alhough ncorgble snns nlnoan, aononanao wastaaawg foaw nao aao oairmlkwnc. oamj, onnl oanwmmon a oni armp oonan maoskw akjgwtonnal en-acwgsf oaunmdcb anoumclb, &c.: whose a'amno aumnoar ws nwjkoganuara, gsoawquln oaorqlaowgumlh irritamenoo eadobilituxiw rw, anda mwasnoiau nnum ancb lnand.

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*****

Philosophers are of opinion, that if the late Coronation had not taken place, the sun would have refused to shine, corn refused to grow, and the people refused to live.

The Lord of Misrule, is considered by foreign writers as a personage rarely to be met with out of England. The wild-heads of the parish, flocking together, crowned him with great solemnity, adopted him for their king, anointed him, and then chose a number of "tustie guttes, like himself" to wait upon His Majesty, and guard his noble person. These he invested with green, yellow, and other colours; and as though they were not gaudy enough, they bedecked themselves with scarfs, ribbons, and laces, adding gold rings, precious stones, and other jewels. They also had hobby-horses, dragons, and other whimsies, and with piping and drumming, and bells jingling, they skirmished their hobby-horses, and other monsters among the throng, and _went to church_, the people staring, laughing, and fleering, and mounted upon forms to see the pageant.--Strutt's Sports, p. 298.

*****

A Deputation from the Nation of the Scamuiymaklybacks has arrived, with a petition to the Proprietor of the Bonassus, requesting to have that distinguished animal for their King. Should the Bonassus leave this country, it is expected that the Rev. S. Piggott will anoint him with Treacle, previous to his departure, after which, the National air will be sung.

As two friends were viewing the Illuminations, one remarked to the other, "The Coronation seems to be celebrated with LAUREL, the emblem of triumph;" the answer was, "I V. thou meanest!"

*****

Coronation Inquest--Verdict, Fiddle-de dee.

*****

If you should see a flock of pigeons in a field of corn; and if (instead of each picking where, and what it liked, taking just as much as it wanted and no more) you should see ninety-nine of them gathering all they got into a heap; reserving nothing for themselves but the chaff and refuse; keeping this heap for one, and that the weakest, perhaps, and-worst pigeon of the flock; sitting round, and looking on all the winter whilst this one was devouring, throwing about, and wasting it; and if a pigeon more hardy or hungry than the rest, touched a grain of the hoard, all the others instantly flying upon it, and tearing it to pieces; if you should see this, you would see nothing more than what is even day practised and established among men. Among men, you see the ninety-and-nine toiling and scraping together a heap of superfluities for one; getting nothing for themselves all the while, but a little of the coarsest of the provision, which their own labour produces (and this one, too, oftentimes the feeblest and worst of the whole set, a child, a woman, a madman or a fool); looking quietly on, while they see the fruits of all their labour spent or spoiled; and if one of them take or touch a particle of it, the others join against him, and hang him for the theft.--Paley's Moral Philosophy, b.iii.c. 1.

*****

ADVERTISEMENT COPIED FROM THE NEWSPAPERS;

BONASSUS.--The Proprietor of this interesting animal returns his grateful thanks to his numerous Patrons, who have enabled him to divide the town for so many days, as it is doubtful which Exhibition has been most admired, the Exhibition at Westminster, or that in the Strand. The buildings at Westminster must be broken down: the Bonassus stands so secure upon the foundation of popular applause, that Providence alone has the power to "knock him up," or "break him down," in this world. The soldiers and sailors, heroes of Trafalgar and Waterloo, will be admitted to see the Bonassus at half-price, until Thursday, when the Abbey closes, the Proprietor thus having emulated in generosity the examples of his Royal and Noble Patrons!

ADVERTISEMENTS

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VICTORY OF PETERLOO.

A MONUMENT is proposed to be erected in commemoration of the achievements of the MANCHESTER YEOMANRY CAVALRY, on the 16th August, 1819, against THE MANCHESTER, MEETING of Petitioners for Redress of Wrongs and Grievances, and Reform in Parliament. It has been called a _battle_, but erroneously; for, the multitude _was unarmed_, and made no resistance to the heroes _armed_; there was no contest--it was a _victory_; and has accordingly been celebrated in triumph. This event, more important in its consequences than the Battle of Waterloo, will be recorded on the monument, by simply stating the names of the officers and privates successfully engaged, on the one side; and on the other, the names of the persons killed, and of the six hundred maimed and wounded in the attack and pursuit; also the names of the captured, who are still prisoners in His Majesty's goals; with the letter of thanks, addressed to the victors, by His Majesty's Command.

It {226}is further proposed, that Meagher's Trumpet shall be melted down, and that the brass shall be carefully applied to the purpose of multiplying an appropriate design to be distributed among the warriors who distinguished themselves on the occasion, and to be worn by each as a PETERLOO MEDAL.

*****

SOVEREIGNS are now going. BALANCES properly adjusted, to distinguish a good from a bad one, may be had of Common Sense, who will speedily wait on every individual.

*****

TO STUDENTS AT LAW AND PROFESSIONAL GENTLEMEN.

Shortly will be published, No. I., price 6d. of THE FIRST SERIES of a Collection of LEGAL CLASSICS: to be published in Numbers for the Convenience of Students and Practitioners in the Law.--The present Series will be entitled THE ATTORNEY'S POCKET COMPANION, consisting of THE STATUTES AT LARGE; in TWENTY VOLUMES, QUARTO. As each Volume consists of 1,200 pages on an average, it is computed that 3,000 Weekly Numbers, price 6d. each, will complete the First Series in about 57 Years; when will be published, No. I. of the Second Series, commencing with the Statutes of the now next Session, to be also continued until completed. The Student will thus be enabled to supply himself, by degrees, with the complete Code of the Statute Law of his Country to qualify him for the Rolls of the Court, or the Bar. The Contents of the third and subsequent Series will be announced on the completion of the second Series.

Lately {227}published, with Crimson backs,

IRISH MELODIES; or, The LOVES OF THE TRIANGLES.

By the Author of THE BLOODY SHAMROCK, a Tale of Horror of the last Century.

"Full of strange _feats_ and modern instances."

*****

IF BOB STEWART, an Irishman who jobbed at the Castle, in Dublin, and _worked in the Yard_, will apply to Mr. John Ketch, at the New Drop, in the Old Bailey, London, he will hear of something to his advantage.

*****

THE NATIVES OF IRELAND, desirous of being present at an ENTERTAINMENT where DERRY DOWN TRIANGLE will preside, are informed, that there will be NO WHIPS after dinner, and are requested to signify their desire to Mr. MUDFORD, Editor of the Courier, (and late Editor of the Scourge), at the Courier Office.

*****

IMPROMPTU,

On hearing that the M-- of L--

PRESSED to death.

Underneath this PRESS doth lie As much _blarney_ as could die, Which, when alive, did _varnish_ give To as much _knavery_ as could live. {228}

THE QUEEN'S DEATH

This Dagger my sceptre, and Persecution my crown!'

King Henry IV.

*****

[NOTE.--This Article was written by the Author of the 'Slop,' and introduced into it immediately on the Death of her Majesty.]

*****

Her Majesty _died by the dagger of Persecution_. Her Persecutors, unable to conceal the fact that _she has been hurried to her Grave_, hypocritically whine over "the wounds themselves have made," and, like the flying felon, who, to elude his pursuers, cries "Stop thief!" they huddle up their knives, and charge her friends and advisers with being her destroyers! "_Kissing the gashes that bloodily do yawn upon their faces_," they call her defenders and protectors "a faction" and charge this _faction_ with being her assassins! Execrable villains! Was it this "faction" brought her from Germany? Was she _married_ by this "faction?" Were her _conjugal rights denied her_ by this "faction?" Was she deserted and _licensed_ to her "_inclinations_" by this "faction?" Was she _spied upon_ by this "faction?" Was _her character impeached_ by this "faction:" Was _the late King's friendship_ for her at that period caused by a "faction?" Was _her child_ torn from her by a "faction?" Was _she tricked out of the country_ by a "faction:" Was her name _omitted upon her daughter's coffin_ by a "faction?" Was the {229}"honourable" _Milan Commission_ issued by the "faction?" Was the horde of miscreants who vomited forth their _disgusting and obscene perjuries_ against her--were these collected by this "faction?" Was her _Trial_ in the House of Lords, amid the gibes and jests, and scoffs and sneers, and the taunt of _Ferocity_--was this the act of "faction?" Was the spiritual and temporal _refusal _ to place her name in _the Liturgy_ the act of this "faction?" Was the _refusal to crown her_, or to assign her a place in the ceremonial of her husband's Coronation, or to permit her presence to witness it, or _her expulsion from the doors_, or the rancorous _insults_ she sustained that day, were these from the "faction?" NO! When the _bribe_ and the _threat_ availed not, and she came to England in the courage of her noble heart, and the full majesty of innocence--when the enraged host gathered for her desolation hurtled from the high places as a whirlwind, the People, seeing that in her person the Principles of Humanity and the Constitution were invaded., reflecting on _her_ sufferings and their own, and aroused by a sense of duty and of danger, united for her preservation. Animated by the Justice of their cause, and _headed by_ the Press, they read a moral lesson to her deadly persecutors, at which they turned pale, and from which they shrunk back in dismay! The archers shot her sorely, but the People saved her from swift destruction. This offence was never to be forgiven. They who had elevated the Queen above the craft of _Priestianity_ and the cruelty of _Court Selfishness_, were more exposed to attack than her whom they had preserved. Her enemies rallied to assail her friends. If we seek the names of the assailants from among the Members of the Bridge-Street Gang, a formidable list might be selected. There we should find the slanderous Blacow, and at the head of the muster-roil might be placed Slop. This "_wretch_" and his Gang, commenced _Prosecutions_ against the humblest of the Queen's friends, while the _hireling_ presses foamed into a settled _Persecution_ against her and them. The Slop-pail frothed up its malignant spume; official poison _Croked_ forth from the Courier; the organ of the _Fashionable World_ discharged his filthy ribaldry; and the assaults of a band of _obscene wretches_, Sunday after Sunday, were defended and aided by the prostituted pen of Slop. In violation of the sanctity which even savages attach to _the chambers of death_, some of the heartless fiends who dogged her through life, and hurried her "_to the house appointed far all living_," pursue their remorseless warfare beyond the grave. Others (following the example of their abettors, who, in mockery of death itself, put the signs of mourning upon the outsides of their houses, while they chuckle with joy within), _now_ that they have consummated their crime, make a merit of not preying upon her dead body! Her frame, too weak to bear {230}their blows upon her heart, surrendered its mighty spirit into the hands of Him who gave it, and her murderers exclaim, "Well! she is _gone--at last_; let us bury all animosities _with her!_" BRUTAL TAUNT! They hoisted the black flag of unrelenting and deadly hate against her as long as she lived--they have exterminated her, and they hang out a white one, crying Peace! Peace! where there is no Peace! They have floated themselves to the favour of their employers in her blood, and the guilty villains, retreating to their den to celebrate their horrible triumph, pray us not to disturb their secret orgies with our clamours!

It is said, that only a few hours before she ceased to breathe, she spoke of the modes her savage adversaries had successfully put in practice, of separating worthy people from her society: one of which was, _to deter them from visiting her, by propagating the most atrocious calumnies against her, and them_. Never was human being attacked with more malignant ferocity by _the Furies of the Press_, than this noble-minded and innocent lady--never will they perpetrate a fouler Murder! _Instruments of cruelty are in their habitations. O, my soul! come not thou into their secret!_

Her dying declaration, "THEY HAVE DESTROYED ME!" will be remembered long after her destroyers. Her blood is on their heads. They allowed her no peace on earth. _Now--she hears not the voice of the oppressor--she is where the wicked cease from troubling, and where the weary are at rest_.

In fixedness of courage immovable, in clearness of intellect unrivalled, she shone on earth as the polar-star in the firmament of her sex, and in her utmost need, they circled round her as the sun of their glory. Her wrongs and her fate are indelibly registered in our annals. Honest historians of after-times will narrate them truly, and unpensioned Bards embalm her to posterity.

The Queen's dying request was, to lie in the same tomb with her child--sad experience taught her to anticipate a refusal from her relentless enemies!

"Let her be buried in the King's highway,
For on her heart they trod, the while she liv'd;
And, buried once, why not upon her head?"--

Men and Women of England! have ye not a little Grave, Her _Spirit_ was with the People while she lived--her body belongs to them now that she is no more.

The Author of the The Political House Jack Built.

** When this article was written, the Queen lay unburied.

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THE DEATH-LIGHT OF CAROLINE'S HALL,

The death-lights glimmer in Caroline's hall,
Where strangers have spread the funeral pall;
Relations by blood from her have fled,
And other hands have pillow'd her head--
Vet a halo round her temples plays,
Brighter than earthly crowns can raise!
When her heart-strings broke, no husband was there,
With a bursting breast, and a holy prayer--
Her Royal Spouse was _on the sea_,
In glittering pomp and pageantry;
With streamers pointing to Erin's shore,
Where wassail, and wine, and wild uproar,
And the noisy mirth of a motley band,
Were to drown the sighs of a sorrowing land!
The prospect was bright on her Bridal Day,
And English hearts were light and gay;
Alas!'twas the gleam of a wintry sky,
When dark clouds come, and the storm is nigh.

The eye to bless, and the hand to save,
Were not the gifts that the altar gave!
She never knew the sweet control
That wins, that guards the cherish'd soul;
But met the keen repulsive glance
From furious eye-balls turn'd askance!--
A _licensed outcast_, bade to roam,
No husband's bed--no friend--no home--
The treacherous _Spy_ in ambush placed,
Our British name defiled, disgraced!

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At last kind Heaven upon her smiled--
The raptured Mother clasp'd her Child;
Maternal love beam'd from her eye;
The tear-dew'd cheek _for once_ was dry.
But devilish hate could ne'er endure
A joy so sweet, a bliss so pure;
And the cherub-smile that cheer'd her life,
Was rudely torn from the widow'd wife!

But who shall tell--or who shall believe,
That malice could deeper wrongs conceive?
O, learn the deed from the daughter's bier--
In Judgment bid her _Tomb_ appear;
On the dark vault let the day-beam shine;
Behold the broken lincage-line!

The Record rests on the sculptured stone--
_Robb'd of the Mother's name_ alone.
The surpliced Priest made no appeal--
His Earthly Masters check'd his zeal--
From those who bent their heads to Heaven,
To pray that mortals be forgiven;
No kind behest for her was sent,
No Priestly hand to her was lent;
But when, at length, she lifeless fell,
Rose the _hollow_ sound of _their_ passing bell!
Well fed, well paid, to blast her name,
Swarms of Italian Monsters came;
And English Monsters, fouler still,
Obey'd their Masters' deadly will!
The fiends have chased her day by day,
Her _Sabbath_ death-bed was their prey!--
These are not men!--they never press'd
The life-streams from a human breast;
Nor are they woman-born--but thrown
From some vile source to man unknown!
She struggled long--she nobly rose
Triumphant o'er her rancorous foes;
Bravely she stood the lengthen'd strife
For honest fame--more dear than life--
But ah! the nerve, too finely strung,
Was wrench'd, was torn, was rudely wrung--
She won the prize--_that_ strength was given,
Then burst from earth to kinder Heaven!

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Pamphlets and Parodies on Political SubjectsChapter VIII: Book III (2)

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