Chapter I: Front Matter

PECK'S BAD BOY AND HIS PA.

By Geo. W. Peck

With Illustrations by Gean Smith.

Belford, Clarke & Co. - 1883.

[Transcriber's Note: The variable grammar and punctuation in
this file make it difficult to decide which errors are
archaic usage and which the printer's fault. I have made
corrections only of what appeared obvious printer's errors.
This eBook is taken from the 1883 1st edition.]

A CARD FROM THE AUTHOR.

Office of “Peck's Sun,” Milwaukee, Feb., 1883.

Belford, Clarke & Co.:

Gents--If you have made up your minds that the world will
cease to move unless these “Bad Boy” articles are given to
the public in book form, why go ahead, and peace to your
ashes. The “Bad Boy” is not a “myth,” though there may be
some stretches of imagination in the articles. The
counterpart of this boy is located in every city, village
and country hamlet throughout the land. He is wide awake,
full of vinegar, and is ready to crawl under the canvas of a
circus or repeat a hundred verses of the New Testament in
Sunday School. He knows where every melon patch in the
neighborhood is located, and at what hours the dog is
chained up. He will tie an oyster can to a dog's tail to
give the dog exercise, or will fight at the drop of the hat
to protect the smaller boy or a school girl. He gets in his
work everywhere there is a fair prospect of fun, and his
heart is easily touched by an appeal in the right way,
though his coat-tail is oftener touched with a boot than his
heart is by kindness. But he shuffles through life until the
time comes for him to make a mark in the world, and then he
buckles on the harness and goes to the front, and becomes
successful, and then those who said he would bring up in
State Prison, remember that he always _was_ a mighty smart
lad, and they never tire of telling of some of his deviltry
when he was a boy, though they thought he was pretty tough
at the time. This book is respectfully dedicated to boys, to
the men who have been boys themselves, to the girls who like
the boys, and to the mothers, bless them, who like both the
boys and the girls,

Very respectfully,

GEO. W. PECK,

CONTENTS.

CHAPTER I.

THE BOY WITH A LAME BACK--THE BOY COULDN'T SIT DOWN--A PRACTICAL JOKE ON THE OLD MAN--A LETTER FROM “DAISY “--GUARDING THE FOUR CORNERS--THE OLD MAN IS UNUSUALLY GENEROUS--MA ASKS AWKWARD QUESTIONS--THE BOY TALKED TO WITH A BED SLAT--NO ENCOURAGEMENT FOR A BOY

CHAPTER II.

THE BOY AT WORK AGAIN--THE BEST BOYS FULL OF TRICKS--THE OLD MAN LAYS DOWN THE LAW ABOUT JOKES--RUBBER HOSE MACARONI--THE OLD MAS's STRUGGLES--CHEWING VIGOROUSLY BUT IN VAIN--AN INQUEST HELD--REVELRY BY NIGHT--MUSIC IN THE WOODSHED--“'twas ever thus.”

CHAPTER III.

THE BAD BOY GIVES HIS PA AWAY--PA IS A HARD CITIZEN--DRINKING SOZODONT--MAKING UP THE SPARE BED--THE MIDNIGHT WAR DANCE--AN APPOINTMENT BY THE COAL-BIN.

CHAPTER IV.

THE BAD BOY'S FOURTH OF JULY.--PA IS A POINTER, NOT A SETTER--SPECIAL ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE FOURTH OF JULY--A GRAND SUPPLY OF FIREWORKS--THE EXPLOSION--THE AIR FULL OF PA AND DOG AND ROCKETS--THE NEW HELL--A SCENE THAT BEGGARS DESCRIPTION.

CHAPTER V.

THE BAD BOY'S MA COMES HOME.--DEVILTRY, ONLY A LITTLE FUN--THE BAD BOY'S CHUM--A LADY'S WARDROBE IN THE OLD MAN'S ROOM--MA's UNEXPECTED ARRIVAL--WHERE IS THE HUZZY?--DAMFINO!--THE BAD BOY WANTS TO TRAVEL WITH A CIRCUS

CHAPTER VI.

HIS PA IS A DARN COWARD--HIS PA HAS BEEN A MAJOR--HOW HE WOULD DEAL WITH BURGLARS--HIS BRAVERY PUT TO THE TEST--THE ICE REVOLVER--HIS PA BEGINS TO PRAY--TELLS WHERE THE CHANGE IS--“PLEASE MR. BURGLAR SPARE A POOR MAN'S LIFE!”--MA WAKES UP--THE BAD BOY AND HIS CHUM RUN--FISH-POLE SAUCE--MA WOULD MAKE A GOOD CHIEF OF POLICE

CHAPTER VII.

HIS PA GETS A BITE.--“HIS PA GETS TOO MUCH WATER”--THE DOCTOR'S DISAGREE--HOW TO SPOIL BOYS--HIS PA GOES TO PEWAUKEE IN SEARCH OF HIS SON--ANXIOUS TO FISH--“STOPER, I'VE GOT A WHALE!”--OVERBOARD--HIS PA IS SAVED--A DOLLAR FOR HIS PANTS.

CHAPTER VIII.

HE IS TOO HEALTHY--AN EMPTY CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE AND A BLACK EYE--HE IS ARRESTED--OCONOMOWOC FOR HEALTH--HIS PA. IS AN OLD MASHER--DANCED TILL THE COWS CAME HOME--THE GIRL FROM THE SUNNY SOUTH--THE BAD BOY IS SENT HOME

CHAPTER IX.

HIS PA HAS GOT 'EM AGAIN.--HIS PA IS DRINKING HARD--HE HAS BECOME A TERROR--A JUMPING DOG----THE OLD MAN IS SHAMEFULLY ASSAULTED--“THIS IS A HELLISH CLIMATE MY BOY!”--HIS PA SWEARS OFF--HIS MA STILL SNEEZING AT LAKE SUPERIOR

CHAPTER X.

HIS PA HAS GOT RELIGION--THE BAD BOY GOES TO SUNDAY SCHOOL--PROMISES REFORMATION--THE OLD MAN ON TRIAL FOR SIX MONTHS--WHAT MA THINKS--ANTS IN PA'S LIVER-PAD--THE OLD MAN IN CHURCH--RELIGION IS ONE THING, ANTS ANOTHER

CHAPTER XI.

HIS PA TAKES A TRICK--JAMAICA RUM AND CARDS--THE BAD BOY POSSESSED OF A DEVIL--THE KIND DEACON--AT PRAYER-MEETING--THE OLD MAN TELLS HIS EXPERIENCE--THE FLYING CARDS--THE PRAYER-MEETING SUDDENLY CLOSED

CHAPTER XII.

HIS PA GETS PULLED--THE OLD MAN STUDIES THE BIBLE--DANIEL IN THE LIONS' DEN--THE MULE AND THE MULE'S FATHER--MURDER IN THE THIRD WARD--THE OLD MAN ARRESTED--THE OLD MAN FANS THE DUST OUT OF HIS SON'S PANTS

CHAPTER XIII.

HIS PA GOES TO THE EXPOSITION--THE BAD BOY ACTS AS GUIDE--THE CIRCUS STORY--THE OLD MAN WANTS TO SIT DOWN--TRIES TO EAT PANCAKES--DRINKS SOME MINERAL WATER--THE OLD MAN FALLS IN LOVE WITH A WAX WOMAN--A POLICEMAN INTERFERES--THE LIGHTS GO OUT--THE GROCERY MAN DON'T WANT A CLERK

CHAPTER XIV.

HIS PA CATCHES ON--TWO DAYS AND NIGHTS IN THE BATHROOM--RELIGION CAKES THE OLD MAN'S BREAST--THE BAD BOY'S CHUM DRESSED UP AS A GIRL--THE OLD MAN DELUDED--THE COUPLE START FOR THE COURT HOUSE PARK--HIS MA APPEARS ON THE SCENE--“IF YOU LOVE ME, KISS ME?”--MA TO THE RESCUE--“I AM DEAD AM I?”--HIS PA THROWS A CHAIR THROUGH THE TRANSOM

CHAPTER XV.

HIS PA AT THE RE-UNION--THE OLD MAN IN MILITARY SPLENDOR--TELLS HOW HE MOWED DOWN THE REBELS--“I AND GRANT”--WHAT IS A SUTLER.--TEN DOLLARS FOR PICKLES!--“LET US HANG HIM!”--THE OLD MAN ON THE RUN--HE STANDS UP TO SUPPER--THE BAD BOY IS TO DIE AT SUNSET

CHAPTER XVI.

THE BAD BOY IN LOVE--ARE YOU A CHRISTIAN?--NO GETTING TO HEAVEN ON SMALL POTATOES--THE BAD BOY HAS TO CHEW COBS--MA SAYS IT'S GOOD FOR A BOY TO BE IN LOVE--LOVE WEAKENS THE BAD BOY--HOW MUCH DOES IT COST TO GET MARRIED?--MAD DOG--NEVER EAT ICE CREAM

CHAPTER XVII.

HIS PA FIGHTS HORNETS--THE OLD MAN LOOKS BAD--THE WOODS OF WAUWATOSA--THE OLD MAN TAKES A NAP--“HELEN DAMNATION!”--“HELL IS OUT FOR NOON.”--THE LIVER MEDICINE--ITS WONDERFUL EFFECTS--THE BAD BOY IS DRUNK--GIVE ME A LEMON!--A SIGHT OF THE COMET!--THE HIRED GIRL'S RELIGION

CHAPTER XVIII.

HIS PA GOES HUNTING--MUTILATED JAW--THE OLD MAN HAS TAKEN TO SWEARING AGAIN--OUT WEST, DUCK SHOOTING---HIS COAT TAIL SHOT OFF--SHOOTS AT A WILD GOOSE--THE GUN KICKS!--THROWS A CHAIR AT HIS SON--THE ASTONISHED SHE-DEACON

CHAPTER XIX.

HIS PA IS “NISHIATED”--ARE YOU A MASON?--NO HARM TO PLAY AT LODGE--WHY GOATS ARE KEPT IN STABLES--THE BAD BOY GETS THE GOAT UPSTAIRS--THE GRAND DUMPER DEGREE--KYAN PEPPER ON THE GOAT'S BEARD--“BRING FORTH THE ROYAL BUMPER”--THE GOAT ON THE RAMPAGE

CHAPTER XX.

HIS GIRL GOES BACK ON HIM. THE GROCERY MAN IS AFRAID--BUT THE BAD BOY IS A WRECK--“MY GIRL, HAS SHOOK ME!”--THE BAD BOY'S HEART IS BROKEN--STILL HE ENJOYS A BIT OF FUN--COD LIVER OIL ON THE PANCAKES--THE HIRED GIRLS MADE VICTIMS--THE BAD BOY VOWS VENGEANCE ON HIS GIRL AND THE TELEGRAPH MESSENGER