Chapter I

HUMOROUS MASTERPIECES

PICTURES

BY

PHIL

MAY

HUMOROUS MASTERPIECES, No. 5

PICTURES BY PHIL MAY

Printed by Robert MacLehose and Co. Ltd. Glasgow.

COSTERS AND COCKNEYS

“Ere y’are, Lidies’ Tormentors. ‘Two’ n penny!”]

PICTURES

BY

PHIL MAY

GOWANS & GRAY, LTD.

5 ROBERT STREET, ADELPHI, LONDON, W.C.

58 CADOGAN STREET, GLASGOW

1908

First Edition, May, 1907.

Reprinted, June, 1907, Jamiary, 1908

(completing 16,000).

THE Publishers take this opportunity of thanking Messrs. W. Thacker & Co. for the readiness with which they accorded permission for the reproduction of, the drawings contained in this little book. They believe that these examples of Phil May’s work show that inimitable artist at his best.

COSTERS AND COCKNEYS

COSTERS AND COCKNEYS

COSTERS AND COCKNEYS

“Bob Smith was kissing my missus, and ’is old woman caught ’im.]

COSTERS AND COCKNEYS

’_Arriet_ (_watching the funeral of ’Liza_).--“Nice sort of a Bank ’Oliday for ’er, poor dear.”]

COSTERS AND COCKNEYS

COSTERS AND COCKNEYS

COSTERS AND COCKNEYS

BROTHER BRUSHES

BROTHER BRUSHES

_Second R.A._--“No, confound it. That stupid ass Brown came to the studio and talked all the afternoon,--couldn’t do a stroke of work. What do you do when some idiot comes and interrupts your work?”

_First R.A._--“Oh, I go on weeding.”]

IN THE BARS AND STREETS

IN THE BARS AND STREETS

IN THE BARS AND STREETS

IN THE BARS AND STREETS

IN THE BARS AND STREETS

IN THE BARS AND STREETS

_Mrs. Baggs_ (_after receiving tornado of abuse from over the road_).--

“Well, I never ’eard sich Langwidge in all my life. I never was called sich Names before. Even my own ’usband doesn’t call me s’ch Names.”]

IN THE BARS AND STREETS

“Oh, not for about a Year.”

“Well, let’s go in here and have a Drink before you go.”]

IN THE BARS AND STREETS

IN THE BARS AND STREETS

“Yes, I _did_, an’ a measly affair it was. _Tea_ and Bread and Butter!

I’ve buried two ’usbands, but, thank goodness, I buried ’em both with Seedy Cake an’ ’Am Sandwiches.”]

IN THE BARS AND STREETS

“All right, sir, but would you mind getting in on the other side so as the old horse don’t see yer.”]

IN THE BARS AND STREETS

IN THE BARS AND STREETS

IN THE BARS AND STREETS

IN THE BARS AND STREETS

IN THE BARS AND STREETS

STUDIES AND SKETCHES

_Artist_.--“That is William Shakespeare.”

_The M. of M. W_.--“’As ’e ever done anything for Middle Wallop?”

_Artist_.--“No, Sir, not that I’m aware of.”

_The M. of M. W._--“Then paint ’im out and paint ME in.”]

STUDIES AND SKETCHES

STUDIES AND SKETCHES

STUDIES AND SKETCHES

_Lord Hardup_.--“Well--ah--yes--at least--I mean--I’ve got the ticket.”]

STUDIES AND SKETCHES

_The Dotty One_.--“O course it ain’t, or it wouldn’t be _here_”]

STUDIES AND SKETCHES

_Harmless Lunatic_ (_knowingly_).--“I did yesterday, _but_ they put _Bricks_ in it.”]

STUDIES AND SKETCHES

_Inmate to new arrival_.--“What, _you_ mad _too_? _So_ glad.”]

STUDIES AND SKETCHES

_The Bereaved_--“Yes,---- it’s almost _impossible_”]

STUDIES AND SKETCHES

WITHIN AND WITHOUT THE GHETTO

WITHIN AND WITHOUT THE GHETTO

“Dem ain’t boddles, dem’s fire extinguishers.”

“Garn, you ain’t afraid of a bit of a fire.”

“No, but I gets ten per cent, off the Insurance Company for having dem about.”

“What’s in ’em.”

“I don’t know what _was_ in ’em but there’s _kerosene_ in ’em now!”]

WITHIN AND WITHOUT THE GHETTO

“Vat yer mean?--Not _last_ Tuesday, _next_ Tuesday.”]

WITHIN AND WITHOUT THE GHETTO

_Ikey_ (_suspiciously_).--“Vat’s the matter vith it?”]

WITHIN AND WITHOUT THE GHETTO

“My name is not Voss. It never Voss and never vill be.”]

WITHIN AND WITHOUT THE GHETTO

“Do it again. Do it again. I can thee Diamonts!!!”]

WITHIN AND WITHOUT THE GHETTO

AMONG THE THESPIANS

_First Loafer to Second Ditto_ (_as our friends from the Circus pass by_).--“Officers!”]

WITH THE CHILDREN

_Winner_ (_to the ruined one_).--“Well, dash it all, old man, it you _will_ go in for this sort of thing you must _expect_ to lose a Button or two.”]

WITH THE CHILDREN

_Bobby_.--“Leg before, Uncle.”]

WITH THE CHILDREN

“Hi! come back, yer Silly! Do yer want to spile yer Luck?”]

WITH THE CHILDREN

“Well, then, it must ’ave bin a _Whale_”

“Garn, ’e were baitin’ wi’ _Whales_!”]

WITH THE CHILDREN

“Do you want a errand boy?”

“No.”

“Yus you do, yours ’as just been runned over.”]

WITH THE CHILDREN

BY THE SEA

BY THE SEA

BY THE SEA

BY THE SEA

_Amateur weight-lifter_ (_rather proud that his fame has spread so far_).--“Well, yes, my friend. I do a little in that way.”

_Inhabitant._--“I’ll lay thee a fiver, I’ll put thee on thy back in t’ muck.”]

ON THE COUNTRY SIDE

ON THE COUNTRY SIDE

“Yus. He said my Sister was cross-eyed.”

“But you haven’t got a Sister?”

“I know that. It was the Principle o’ the thing that upset Me.”]

ON THE COUNTRY SIDE

_Porter._--“Well, there’s the Coal Train, Mum.”

_Stout Party._--“How Much will it cost Me?”

_Porter._--“Seven Shillings a Ton!”]

ON THE COUNTRY SIDE

SPORTING SKETCHES

“Well, _no_. I was in at the Ditch and in at the River. We can’t expect to be in every where.”]